"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"What is it?" asked Queen Beryl.

"Well, it's not so much a new source of energy as it is a way to save our planet," explained Jadeite.

"Jadeite," said Beryl. "What do you think the goal of the Negaverse is?"

"Something about sunspots?" he asked.

"Exactly," said Beryl. "We want to kill Earth."

Jadeite gasped. "But… but global warming is already doing that!"

"Global what?" asked Beryl.

"Global warming!" Jadeite repeated. "If we don't spread the word about it, the humans will kill themselves before we can kill them! They'll ruin everything!"

"Oh no!" cried Beryl. "Jadeite, go stop this dreaded global warming this instant! That's an order!"

"Yes ma'am!" exclaimed Jadeite, teleporting away in a frenzy.

"Queen Beryl!" yelled Zoisite after Jadeite left. "When am I gonna get to snatch some energy?"

"Never," said Beryl. "I'm going to send you on a wild goose chase for a single crystal that we're not even sure exists and could possibly be split into seven or more pieces!"

"Screw you, Beryl!" said Zoisite.

"Lel," said Beryl. "At least I'm not making you search for the princess of the moon who could literally be any girl on the planet. Hey, that's actually something we should send someone to look for! Zoisite, what's the name of your boyfriend again?"

"Kunzite…" said Zoisite slowly.

"Yeah, tell him his job is to find the moon princess!"

"Do we have a lead?" asked Zoisite.

"Absolutely not."

"D'ah," said Zoisite.


Nephrite was sipping expensive champagne when he heard a knock on his Earth mansion door.

"Zoisite, go away!" he hollered.

"I'm already inside," said Zoisite, sitting on the couch.

"Oh, then who can be at the door?" asked Nephrite. "I swear, if it's Jadeite…"

He opened the door.

"Hey, it's me, Jadeite!" howled Jadeite.

Nephrite closed the door. Jadeite let himself in through the doggy door.

"Damn," said Nephrite. "I don't even have a dog!"

"Listen guys, I'm here to spread the word of global warming!" exclaimed Jadeite.

"Global what?" asked Nephrite.

"Global warming! I don't know what it means precisely, but it's going to be the death of us all! It's melting the ice glaciers and burning the ozone layer! Here, take this pin and this pamphlet!"

Jadeite handed Nephrite a pamphlet and stabbed him with a pin.

Nephrite skimmed the pamphlet. "This is ridiculous. It has no proof nor scientific basis. And burning fossil fuels is actually good for the planet! They're a renewable resource!"

"I don't think so," said Jadeite. "Quick, donate to my cause! Or else the ice caps will melt and send a huge tsunami this way! Since ya' know, Japan and all."

"HA!" scoffed Nephrite. "As if I would fall for that. Now, everyone out of my house!"

"Does that include me?" asked Zoisite.

"What do you think?" asked Nephrite.

"No," said Zoisite.

"GET OUUUUUUUT!" howled Nephrite, shoving Zoisite and Jadeite out the door.

"Wait!" cried Zoisite. "Take this umbrella!"

"Huh?" asked Nephrite. "Why?"

"You'll see," said Zoisite. Him and Jed teleported away.


"So, you know that guy Nephrite?" began Zoisite once he was inside him and Kunzite's castle.

"Hmph, I've heard of him, but only bad things," replied Kunzite.

"Yeah, well this is unbelievable. He thinks global warming is a myth!"

"Global what?" asked Kunzite.

Zoisite gasped. "Global warming!" he cried. "Jadeite told me all about it! See look, he gave me this pin!"

Kunzite examined the pin on Zoisite's uniform that said "Keep Earth Green!"

"That's a nice pin," said Kunzite. "But I'm not convinced."

"Oh by the way," remembered Zoisite. "Beryl wants you to look for some moon prince or something."

"Awww no," said Kunzite. "Does she have a lead?"

"Absolutely none," said Zoisite. "We don't even know if she's a girl, or if she exists."

"Dammit," said Kunzite. "Well one thing's for certain. We know that if she does exist, she's certainly not in Tokyo."

"Definitely," said Zoisite. "So we'll have to start with every place except Tokyo. Let's start in Paris, I've always wanted to go there!"


Mamoru Chiba heard a knock on his door.

"I swear, if it's Jadeite again…"

Mamoru opened the door and then shut it. Jadeite let himself in through the window.

"Mamoru, my boy! Have you heard?"

"Heard what a big nuisance you are?" asked Mamoru.

"No, about global warming!"

"Don't know, don't care!" said Chiba.

"Well you of all people should!" insisted Jadeite. "Being the prince of the Earth and all."

"Wait what?" asked Mamoru.

"Oh wait, you don't remember that yet," laughed Jadeite.

"Wait what?" repeated Mamoru.

"Anyway, if the Earth dies, YOU DIE!" Jadeite wailed.

Mamoru was about to attempt to charge Jadeite, but he knew how it would end and stopped himself.

"Look," said Mamoru. "No one wants to hear about your global warming!"

Just then, Motoki came dashing in. "Did someone say global warming!?" he cried.

"I did!" yelled Jadeite.

"OMG!" said Motoki. "That's our biggest threat yet! Even bigger than that guy that appeared in the sky the other night and wanted to fight the sailors at the airport!"

"Now wait just a second," began Jadeite.

"Hey, is that a 'Save the Earth' pin?" asked Motoki. "Can I have ten?"

"You can have 20!" Jadeite exclaimed. "And here, read this pamphlet!"

"Oh boy oh boy!"

Mamoru stood there angrily.

Motoki read through the whole pamphlet in five minutes. "Mamoru, Mamoru, this is serious! We gotta make a bunker! The tsunami will be here any second!"

"There is no tsunami!" shouted Mamoru. "The ice caps are not melting!"

"But Japan!" cried Motoki. He dragged Mamoru to the arcade, which had a secret bunker underneath.

"What is this place?" asked Mamoru and Jed in shock.

"Oh, it's only in the manga and Crystal," laughed Motoki. "Now eat some canned soup, we're gonna be here a while!"

"This is ridiculous," sighed Mamoru.


Nephrite stepped outside the next morning and picked up his newspaper.

"HA! Global warming! That's a good one!"

He chortled loudly. "In fact, there's actually a strong, chilly wind! The very opposite of warming! Those so-called scientists don't know anything!"

Nephrite walked further outside to appreciate the cool and not warm weather.

While gloating, he looked up to the sky. "The sky is so blue today," he mused. "Like… really blue! Almost ocean blue! Wait a second, what's that sound?"

Nephrite took a step back and found himself face to face with a tsunami. It was towering over him about 100 stories.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he cried. He had no time to run or teleport. He put his arms out in a defensive stance, and pulled out Zoisite's umbrella. "Wait a second, how's an umbrella going to-"

The tsunami crashed into Nephrite and his mansion with the force of millions of tons of rushing water. He was smashed into the ground and buried alive.

"YOUUUUUCH!" he gurgled.

He was then thrown up into the air like a ragdoll, and then hit by an oncoming car being pushed by the wave at five million miles per hour.

"UUUUUUGRH!" he howled.


10 days later, the wave finally receded, and all that was left of Tokyo was rubble.

Nephrite regained consciousness, and found himself hanging upside-down from a tree.

"Huh? What?" he asked in confusion.

The tree branch broke and he fell to the ground.

"YOUCH!" he shouted.

Zoisite and Kunzite teleported in. "HAHA!" they laughed.

"Shut it!" said Nephrite. "I'm going home!"

He turned around, but there was no home. His mansion was in ruins.

"NO!" cried Nephrite. "All my alcohol bottles must have shattered!"

Just then, a single bottle floated towards him.

"AHA!" he said happily. He drunk the bottle and then started to cry.

"There there," said Zoisite. "You couldn't have seen this coming. Oh wait, Jadeite warned you about this! Awwwwwww, what a shame, what a shame!"

Nephrite continued to cry. "My house! It's gone!"

"Not our problem!" laughed Kunzite and Zoisite, heading for the hills.

They teleported home.

"Good thing we live in the Negaverse," said Zoisite. "So the wave didn't affect us!"

"Hey guys," said Nephrite. "Hope you don't mind if I crash here until I get back on my feet!"

"Gosh darn it!" said Zoisite. "I hate when people invade my house without permission!"

"Hmph," said Nephrite accusingly. "By the way, your fridge is empty."

"But it was full when we left!" exclaimed Kunzite.

"Oops," said Nephrite. "Losing my home really made me hungry. Also I was out of it for like ten days, so I was barely alive."

Zoisite and Kunzite huddled up.

"What do we do?!" cried Zoisite.

"Should I kill him?" asked Kunzite.

"This would be an appropriate time," stated Zoisite.

"You better not," said Beryl, who was in their huddle as well.

They both leapt back in shock.

"Ahhh!" cried Kunzite. "Beryl! When did you get here?!"

"I'm moving in," said Beryl. "The North Pole melted and flooded my throne room. So I will stay here until I get back on my feet!"

"Can we at least kill Nephrite?" pleaded Kunzite.

"No," said Beryl. "I'm the only one that can kill him!"

"But you can't kill him!" said Zoisite.

"Shhh," said Beryl. "He doesn't know that yet."

"Whelp, I guess we have to make sleeping arrangements," sighed Kunzite.

"I want the master bedroom," demanded Beryl.

"But Beryl!" said Zoisite. "That's our bedroom!"

"No anymore," said Beryl. "You live in MY Negaverse!"

"But!" said Zoisite.

"Do you want an eternal sleep?" asked Beryl.

"Kunzite, say something!" said Zoisite.

"Well, urmm… mmm… hrmm," said Kunzite.

"KUUUUNNNZIIIITE!" cried Zoisite.

"I'm gonna go clear our belongings from the bedroom," Kunzite said quickly, making a hasty retreat.

"Ugh," said Zoisite. "This is awful. But at least Jadeite's not here begging to move in too! Wait a second, where is Jadeite?"


5,000 feet underground…

"When do you think the tsunami's going to hit?" asked Jed.

"Any minute now!" said Motoki.

"What if it's already hit?" thought Jadeite suddenly, as the possibility dawned on him.

"Hmm, good point," agreed Motoki. He looked through the lookout scope, and all he could see was water.

"GUWAAAAH!" howled Motoki in shock.

"What'd you see?" asked Mamoru.

"It's gone!" cried Motoki. "It's all gone!"

"Damn," said Mamoru. "Looks like we have to repopulate the Earth."

Motoki looked nervously to the side. "I hoped it wouldn't come to this but… I've always loved you Mamoru. Let's do this!"

"Hey, what about me?" said Jed.

"Sorry, we don't want the human race DNA to be polluted by your lousy genes!" sneered Mamoru.

"Tartar sauce!" cried Jed. "Can I have some soup at least?"

Fin