A stunned silence fell over the group in the wake of the Vaporeon's outburst, and continued even after she had left. No one seemed to want to speak, and there was a general sense of unease hanging over them, like a looming storm cloud.
Frost was grateful for the silence, if only because it gave him the chance to reflect on his thoughts. He could feel Shadow's uncertain gaze upon him, but he ignored it, turning away from the others and gazing intently at the grass below his feet.
Frustration was the most prominent emotion at the forefront of his thoughts. It gnawed incessantly at his chest, as it had when he had been defeated by Lin. Defeat always felt shameful, and in spite of giving Blaze a handicap, Frost could not comprehend how he could possibly have lost that battle.
No, that wasn't quite right. He knew a major factor in that defeat was his inexperience with close-range combat. In spite of being trained by a mistress of claw combat, Frost's training had only covered the basics before focusing almost exclusively on mastering his ice abilities.
However, the battle with Thresher back in the Eterna Forest had demonstrated to the Glaceon that he was prone to abusing and relying on the sheer firepower of his ice abilities when focused on winning at any cost. The callous disregard he had shown for Shadow and Leaf's wellbeing back then was a mindset he could not afford to slip into again. Restricting his Ice-type techniques when facing an unevolved opponent, particularly in the presence of Leaf and Glacia, had been an effort to prevent that side of him from surfacing again.
Still, it wasn't right to claim the handicap was the only reason he had been beaten. Lin had warned him last time that he lacked a purpose to motivate him to keep improving. Even now, weeks later, Frost was ashamed to discover that he still had not found this purpose. He still wanted to aid Shadow and Leaf in their endeavors of becoming strong and independent, but his own skill seemed to have stagnated, while they had grown so much in such a short span of time. They had to have, if Shadow had the confidence to return from the Eterna area back to Solaceon Town, his brother in tow, without an escort.
Perhaps the root of Frost's frustration stemmed from his own lack of growth. Or maybe the Vaporeon had even been right in verbally assaulting him like she had. Her words still stung, as if they had physically struck him, and he struggled to explain why he couldn't simply dismiss them. Part of his mind seemed aware of how easy it would be to label her as a moody bitch, possibly experiencing heat symptoms early, and her outburst an extension of such an unstable mood.
Or maybe, he could instead take the time to properly reflect on what she said, and determine whether there was any element of truth to be found in her words. However, a proper reflection would require the absence of distractions, and the awkward gazes of the Pokemon around him were nothing if not distracting.
"Would you mind taking over my chaperone duties for a little while, Shadow?" Frost asked abruptly, lifting his head and looking over at the Espeon. Shadow tilted his head inquisitively, but slowly nodded. "Thank you. I'm taking a short constitutional, and should not be long," Frost stated, rising to all fours and walking away from the other Pokemon.
The Glaceon didn't really have a destination or course in mind, but the walk would suit his needs in isolating himself from others for the time being. The area set before A/C's den was mostly open space, but further down the route leading away from Solaceon Town were a number of trees under which he could find shade from the sun, and cover from prying eyes.
His dark eyes scanned his surroundings as he walked, seeking out the ideal location to settle down and reflect on matters. The presence of wild Pokemon was all but unavoidable, as most Pokemon living at the outskirts of a human town were far less skittish around humans and Pokemon, but he didn't want to unknowingly infringe on marked territory. He wasn't in the mood to get into another fight if it could be avoided.
The sound of running water nearby caught his ear, and he changed course to follow the noise. A small stream would be almost ideal, as he had once heard that natural sounds like bubbling water was soothing for the mind and body, although his opportunities to personally observe such a phenomenon was limited considering he was born and raised on Mt. Coronet.
It did not take Frost long to locate the stream, and he was delighted to discover that only a few Pokemon were lurking among the nearby trees, or gathered around the water. He received several glances as he approached the stream, but he pointedly ignored them, presenting a non-threatening demeanor. A number of the Pokemon still found an excuse to disperse, but those that remained appeared satisfied, and went about their business as normal.
The Glaceon drank briefly from the stream, before settling himself down on the grass and gazing idly around. He had no doubt that he was a strange sight to see, an Ice-type quadruped nestled in an area of fresh grass and spring flowers, but he didn't really care.
Frost allowed his thoughts and attention to wander for a few minutes, the gentle bubbling of the stream distracting him from focusing too intently upon the negative emotions welling up inside him, and he took slow, cleansing breaths as he idly observed the Pokemon moving about the area.
What was it that he lacked? Before leaving his parents' den up in the mountains, he had been so certain of his goals and objectives. He wanted to see and explore everything the region had to offer, and improve his battle skills by facing a wide variety of challenging and skillful foes that would push him to his limits. He expected, nay, wanted to face opponents who would defeat him and force him to continuously improve and grow, and adapt his strategies.
Yet the taste of losing was such a bitter pill to swallow. Raze had been a delightfully challenging sparring opponent, despite knowing him for such a short period of time, but the Buizel had never been able to overcome him. Lin besting him had been according to his expectations, but the advice she left him with continued to baffle him. He lacked something to properly drive him, and if this most recent defeat was any indication, his current path was going nowhere.
The Glaceon's gut tightened with frustration at the thought, and he narrowly resisted the urge to lash out his paw at the nearest stalks of grass. But no, there were still other Pokemon in the area, and it would not do for them to see him acting in such a way, like a child throwing a tantrum over nothing.
Was battle not the path he was supposed to be going down? He enjoyed a thrilling spar more than almost anything else he had ever experienced, yet his most recent battles had left him so unsatisfied. The majority of foes were dispatched with little to no effort, and those with greater skills felt too far beyond him. To lose to an utter amateur like Blaze was unacceptable in his mind, but to deny the outcome felt even more petulant.
Then there was the matter of the Vaporeon's outburst. It should be so easy to dismiss it as the side effect of an unstable emotional state, but Frost couldn't seem to convince himself that her words meant nothing. Perhaps a bit blown out of proportion, but not meaningless. What was it that she had said? The Glaceon wracked his brain a little, wanting to recall not only the gist of her rant, but the specific wording employed. Admittedly, when provoked, people rarely spoke in a perfectly comprehensible manner, and may use sloppy wording, but if he could at least pick apart her thought process, it would be sufficient.
He recalled, after a moment's thought, that he had been asking about their battle training, with the newly evolved Sylveon admitting to having no formal training at all. An impressive feat, to defeat him with so little experience. Truly an example of beginner's luck at work. Then Frost had turned his attention to the Vaporeon, and she merely answered that she was stronger than she looked.
But then refused to allow him to so much as look in her direction for the purpose of analyzing the core of her training. Frost supposed this was a semi-logical objection, if he was correct in thinking she was undergoing mood or hormone shifts earlier than usual, but she really ripped into him when he expressed confusion on the matter.
Despicable, self-centered, and egotistical, she had called him.
Yes...those were the words that seemed to sting the most. He was no stranger to being called arrogant. Lin had done the same, when they fought within the Solaceon Ruins, by criticizing his tone and attitude. The memory alone sent another jolt of frustration through the Glaceon's body, and he scowled privately.
Maybe the Vaporeon was right to say such things to him, because Lin had told him the same thing, weeks earlier. She had told him that his dismissive and arrogant tone reflected poor self-esteem, and that he force-fed others a sense of confidence he didn't truly have.
And mere minutes ago, the Vaporeon had snarled that Frost took every opportunity to shove his views about strength and confidence in the faces of those he believed fell short of his standards.
Frost's breath caught in the back of his throat. He really had forgotten all about the tongue-lashing Lin had given him, just before their battle. He had focused so intently upon her parting advice, that he had neglected to consider the criticisms she had given him originally.
"Confidence in itself is an indicator of strength. If you are confident towards your strength, you are becoming conceited...it's unbecoming and limits your growth."
Frost gritted his teeth, feeling the sting of angry tears forming behind his eyes. He was really goddamn stupid sometimes. Lin knew him better than anyone ever could. She had warned him of the trouble his attitude could get him into, but he had dismissed it from his recollection, until it was jolted to the forefront of his brain by someone else giving him a similar scolding.
"You rush into battle over a petty wound to your pride. Is your ego really so fragile that you'd rashly misjudge your opponent's strength?"
Despite the Weavile's scolding, Frost had fallen into that trap again and again. Thresher had dismissed his significance back in the Eterna Forest, and the desire to prove him wrong had awakened a morbid and twisted mindset. And just today, Blaze's pathetic efforts to provoke him had spurred Frost to accept the challenge, only for him to then refuse to let the Eevee concede the match. In spite of never wanting to fight Blaze in the first place, the Glaceon's pride had brought about a situation that reflected badly on him, and still resulted in defeat.
Lin was right all along. Frost's attitude towards strength revealed just how weak he really was. Her disappointment had hurt more than any insult could. She was right to doubt her judgment of his potential, because even after being told of his flaws by someone he respected, he had done nothing to correct them.
The Pokemon that intimidated him illogically...they were all Pokemon who were truly strong, and confident without flaunting their power. Renard, Astrid, even Blizzard...their strength was real, and he was a fool with low self-esteem, desperate to claim respect from opponents who recognized he was a fool.
Well, Blaze probably hadn't noticed, but Aureia almost certainly had, if she had picked out his flaws so easily. Maybe she really was stronger than she looked. Frost couldn't ignore the possibility, seeing that she had initially wanted to sub in for Blaze, and had even offered to lift the handicap. Then again, she was a bulky Water-type, and unlikely to be fazed by Ice-type techniques.
Frost scowled again. It didn't really matter whether she was strong or not. The real crux of the matter was deciding what he was going to do from here. He hadn't found a purpose, he hadn't honed his skills sufficiently, his attitude seemed to need a face-lift, and he still had an obligation to Glacia that he could not ignore.
The Glaceon male had never felt so overwhelmed and emotionally stressed in all his life. He had never expected leaving home to be an easy venture, and knew there would be challenges and roadblocks for his future along the way, but for the first time, he felt the full weight of these burdens upon his shoulders.
He was struggling in every aspect of his life. He had a kit, but it had essentially been born out of wedlock. He wasn't in a relationship. He had almost no friends, no networking connections, no reputation to speak of, had underperformed in almost all of his recent battles, and had just gotten bitched out by the equivalent of a complete stranger. He wasn't even fit to be a role model or mentor to the closest thing he had to friends.
He wasn't sure if he could even justify staying with Shadow and Leaf to continue aiding them in their training, not only because of his shabby performance, but because they knew about Glacia now. Shadow had taken on the burden of raising his younger brother alone, out of necessity, in the wake of their parents' death. Even if the Espeon said nothing, Frost knew Shadow would disapprove of the Glaceon reneging on his parental responsibilities, and Leaf had bonded with Glacia almost immediately, being the first Pokemon he had probably ever met that was close to his own age. Leaf was a much more complicated individual to read, so Frost wasn't even sure how he would respond to the notion of Frost leaving Glacia to be raised by Blizzard alone, but he doubted it would be positive.
"There you are, Frost."
The Glaceon nearly jumped out of his skin at the unexpected voice speaking almost directly into his ear. He scrambled to try and turn around, completely forgetting that he was laying down, so the swiveling motion only resulted in him rolling onto his back, which was no more a dignified response than a startled yell might have been.
Silently cursing the inattentiveness that had gotten him into this mess, Frost found himself looking up at Blizzard, the female Glaceon looking down at him in bemusement. A bit flustered by his graceless reaction, Frost scrambled to right himself, but Blizzard swiftly pressed a paw into his stomach, halting his movements.
"No, no, stay like that for a second," she said, with a teasing glint in her eye. Frost complied, but raised an eyebrow slowly. "Wow, you are submissive around me," the female Ice-type giggled, withdrawing her paw and gesturing for him to rise. Nonplussed, the male Glaceon got up and glanced around, secretly hoping that none of the lingering Pokemon happened to witness that interaction.
"What are you doing out here?" Frost wondered.
"Looking for you," Blizzard answered simply, sitting down beside him, seeming far less concerned about what bystanders might think or assume. She was so close that Frost could actually feel the pleasant chill of her breath on his fur.
"Wait, how long was I gone?" Frost asked, craning his head at the sky, as if he expected it to be approaching nightfall. "Or did Shadow just go back into the den and announce 'Frost went for a walk, heading north', and you raced out after me?"
"Closer to the second one," Blizzard admitted. "He might have let slip that you seemed a bit upset."
"Just a lot on my mind," Frost muttered, averting his gaze.
"Would it help to talk through things with someone?" Blizzard wondered gently.
Frost heaved a small sigh. It honestly came as no surprise that Blizzard would suggest such a recourse, and while he appreciated the sentiment, he was hesitant to accept. He already felt lower than dirt, and he doubted that talking about those feelings would do anything to improve his mood. On the other hand, if he had to pick anyone to freely discuss his vulnerabilities with, Blizzard was easily at the top of the list. The female Glaceon had a kind heart, not to mention very open and upfront about her thoughts and opinions. It was one of the many things he admired about her.
"I feel like my life is at an impasse," Frost stated blandly. Blizzard tilted her head inquisitively, but didn't interrupt. "I don't know...it just feels like I'm not growing stronger, or accomplishing anything at all," he sighed.
"Isn't it a little early to judge your progress?" Blizzard asked kindly. Now it was Frost's turn to give her a wordless, inquisitive glance. She smiled a little. "You spent the majority of the winter stranded in my den, remember?" she explained. "So while your journey may have started five or six months ago, you've really only been active for two or three months, and that gap of inactivity is more costly than you might think."
"Hmm...doubtful. The majority of my battle opponents posed little challenge to me at all," Frost sighed, shaking his head. "And the ones who did far outmatched me. There is no middle ground."
Blizzard weighed over his answer for a few moments, then looked at him curiously. "How do you approach battle training? Do you have a daily routine you run through?"
Frost blinked, a little taken aback by the question. "I used to, before I left home," he confessed. "Most days, I preferred to spar with the local Pokemon, but in the absence of such adversaries, I had a routine in place."
"And now?" Blizzard pressed. Frost shifted uncomfortably.
"No...I've neglected to design one since leaving the mountain," he muttered. In his defense, he had routinely met up with Raze for a sparring match once the spring weather had improved, and soon after, he had focused his time and effort into Leaf and Shadow's training. Even during the days they traveled, he nudged them into sparring with one another or local Pokemon. This may have come at the cost of his training regimen at times, but the negligence hadn't bothered him until now.
"So how do you keep in practice?" Blizzard asked, sounding genuinely surprised by his confession. "Do you just spar with every available opponent? Well, that at least explains why you abruptly wanted to spar with Astrid last week," she mused.
"More or less," Frost conceded with a shrug.
"But how does that help you?" Blizzard pressed gently. "Like you said, most opponents don't provide a satisfying challenge, and more experienced foes are too strong for you. Are you at least asking for feedback after a match?"
Frost opened his mouth to reply, only to freeze in place as the impact of her words sank in. He had technically asked Lin for feedback, which she had provided, but he hadn't made any effort to get the opinion of any of his other opponents, strong or weak alike. Perhaps, on a subconscious level, he had just assumed most of the Pokemon he defeated couldn't possibly offer him any advice of merit, and Thresher wasn't exactly someone Frost expected feedback from.
"I'll take that as a 'no'," Blizzard said, stifling a giggle at the sight of his expression, and her tail flicked. "And you had wanted to spar with Astrid's Mega Evolution? Have you even faced her normally before?"
"No," Frost muttered. He had almost immediately realized that wanting Astrid to demonstrate the power of her Mega Stone had been a foolish venture when he still had yet to witness the strength of her basic form, and he hoped Blizzard wasn't about to point that out.
"You might want to give that a shot first. I can ask her to give you feedback on your style or techniques," Blizzard suggested. "I think she's planning to stick with your group for a while, so it's a great opportunity to seek her advice."
"I don't want to go to her," Frost mumbled.
"Why not? She's a very good battler," Blizzard protested. "She took me under her wing when I was new to Brian's team, and once you get used to her tone-"
"No, you misunderstand," Frost sighed. "I don't want to stick with the group."
Blizzard blinked several times. "I think you're right. I don't understand," she admitted finally. "Haven't you, Shadow, and Leaf been traveling as a group?"
"We were, but they don't need me," Frost answered dully. "Besides, they know about Glacia now."
"What difference does that make?" Blizzard asked, sounding slightly hurt. "Leaf seems to really like her, and Shadow was kind enough to agree to kit-sit her so I could come and find you."
Frost was silent for a several seconds, debating whether to actually voice his thoughts on the subject. With a heavy sigh, he looked over at the female Ice-type. "Leaf is only a little older than Glacia, and Shadow's been shouldering the responsibility of caring for his younger brother since their parents' death."
"Yes, I know," Blizzard said quietly, and Frost winced. It hadn't taken long from the initial introduction for Blizzard to discover that Shadow and Leaf were Echo's kits, and the Glaceon had already learned of her former teammate's untimely death, although Frost wasn't sure when that subject had come up. If he had to guess, Astrid had filled her in when he had been napping on the first day of the most recent visit.
"What must they think of me?" Frost blurted, before he could stop himself, and he stood up and began pacing in a tight circle, his fur bristling in agitation. Blizzard followed his movements with her eyes, making no effort to stop him from his restless movements. "Shadow's a year younger than I am, yet has taken on a responsibility he was never prepared for, and at the age when he otherwise might have started gaining independence from his family. They needed my assistance at first, but are growing steadily, whereas my growth is as stagnant as the Great Marsh! I have my reasons for being absent, but they might think of it as me abandoning my responsibilities to my daughter...and then how can I ever hope to have their respect?"
Blizzard digested his rant in silence, and Frost flopped back into a seated position, breathing more heavily, and avoiding the female's gaze. Despite her claiming to understand and accept his decision, he suspected she felt the same way about the situation as he feared Shadow or Leaf might. It was very difficult to claim that he wasn't shirking his responsibilities as a father, and not helping matters was that Blizzard very clearly still harbored romantic or affectionate feelings for him.
"At the end of the day, Frost, it's your life," Blizzard reminded him gently. "They don't decide how you live, whether they approve of your decisions or not."
"Normally, I'd agree, but they're invested now," Frost lamented, his ears drooping. "Leaf hates being separated from his friends, and Glacia is the closest thing to a friend his own age he's ever had. Shadow taking on a parallel responsibility gives him more right to voice disapproval than anyone, aside from you or Glacia."
"So what do you want to do, Frost?" Blizzard asked.
The question came as a bit of a surprise, and Frost took a deep breath, hoping to dispel some of the troubling thoughts still drifting around in his mind, and uncover a clear answer. His present course was going nowhere, and sticking to the original path was undesirable at this time. Blizzard had brought up a number of good points in how he could be better tackling his training, and although she had suggested Astrid as a possible resource, another idea was emerging from amidst his inner turmoil. An idea that could possibly cover both bases.
"Can you help me?" he asked.
"Help you?" Blizzard echoed blankly. "With what?"
"With my training," Frost clarified, shifting awkwardly. He had never really thought of Blizzard as being a capable battler, even after learning she used to belong to a trainer. She had even mentioned the fact just the other day, yet he had thought little of it. Now it seemed like an obvious solution to his problems. If he could get some sort of training or pointers from the female Glaceon, it would provide the perfect reason to stay with her and Glacia, instead of vainly traveling across the region without a clear purpose.
"I suppose...but why me?" Blizzard wondered, although the tell-tale flick of her tail indicated her true feelings on the subject.
"We're the same species, for one, so I can adapt more easily to your approach and techniques than an alternative," Frost pointed out. This was definitely true. While Lin had been a phenomenal mentor, the difference in their battle style and body shape made it a little trickier for her to teach him specific tactics and maneuvers. "Furthermore, I admire your confidence and independence, and would like to understand how to improve my own attitude and mindset. You are one of the few I can trust to give honest feedback, and offer criticisms that I won't take personally. Also...such an arrangement gives reason for me to stay with you and Glacia longer."
Blizzard studied him closely, evidently not yet convinced of the merits of his proposal. "You understand that caring for Glacia is only going to get more difficult in the coming weeks as she gets more independent, don't you?"
"I'd be sharing the weight of the responsibilities," Frost said defensively, but Blizzard shook her head.
"I mean that I won't always have the time or energy to devote," she explained seriously. "Also, while I previously accepted your decision not to stay full-time...if you genuinely want my assistance with your training, I will need you to make an equally significant commitment."
"Uh...what do you mean?" Frost asked, a little alarmed by the shift in her tone.
"I don't mean a permanent arrangement, but I cannot accept a sporadic visitation schedule," Blizzard explained firmly. "I simply can't afford to make my life revolve around your whims, nor will I allow you to take advantage of my kindness."
Frost swallowed nervously. "I understand...what kind of commitment do you require?" he asked.
Blizzard thought about it for a few moments. "A minimum ratio of three-to-one," she stated. Frost looked at her blankly. "A commitment of three weeks for every one week away," she clarified seriously.
"Is this negotiable?" Frost wondered.
"Yes. You could find someone else to get training from," Blizzard suggested crisply. Frost resisted the urge to roll his eyes. She certainly drove a hard bargain, yet he was hard-pressed to label it as unfair.
"I'll have to think about it," Frost said finally. He had no intention of haggling over the details in the first place, but he was reluctant to commit to any arrangement without at least taking the time to weigh over alternative options.
"Of course. You don't need to make a decision now," Blizzard said, returning to her softer speaking tone. "I came looking for you to see if I could help your mood, not to pressure or manipulate you."
"I know," Frost said, managing a small chuckle. "You've been a great help already, thank you."
Blizzard nodded, and gazed around the area for a few moments. "Is there anything else I can do, or would you prefer to have more space?" she wondered.
"The opposite, actually. I relish your company," Frost answered, moving closer and nuzzling the female affectionately, as a small gesture of his sincere gratitude. "Besides, I believe this is the first time since her conception that Glacia is being looked after by someone other than one of us. I imagine you'd want to take advantage of such a rare opportunity, and just relax and enjoy yourself for a while."
"Are you trying to be subtle?" Blizzard wondered, visibly amused.
"No, I'm just in the exact same boat," Frost replied. "More freedom and flexibility, perhaps, but the base situation is the same, and foul moods usually come about as the result of stress and frustration piling on top of each other. Besides, I'm leaning towards accepting your offer, so this really is a rare moment of both of us being free, even if just for an hour or so. We could have a private luncheon and then head back."
Blizzard mulled it over for a few moments and then smiled, her tail flicking with enthusiasm. "Sounds fantastic. I'm open to that."
