"Queen Beryl," yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Shut it!" howled Beryl as they flew through the time gate.

"sorry" whimped jed.

20 days later, the shittenou and Beryl landed back in the past.

"We seem to have gone back to right before Gradpa's parents met," figured Kunzite.

"How far back did we go?" asked Nephrite looking around.

"Hmmmm…" thought everyone.

"Wait," yelled Jadeite. "I GOT IT!"

He ran into a cave and ran back out with a calendar made of stone.

"We seem to be…." he began flipping through the pages. "In 500 million BC!"

"WHAT" screamed Beryl.

"WHAT" screamed Nephrite. "I knew Grandpa was old but not that old!"

"WHAT" screamed Zoisite. "It can't be! There's no way!"

Suddenly, all the shittenou turned around and found themselves face to face with a t-rex.

It let out a terrifying roar and Jadeite and Zoisite hid behind Kunzite for protection.

"I'll handle this," said Beryl rolling up her sleeves. "NEPHRITE GET EM!

Nephrite charged with lightning speed but the dino back-handed him with its small hands and he collided with the other shittenou.

The t-rex went to finish the shittenou off with one chomp, but Kunzite created a bubble and it's chomp had no effect.

Everyone sighed.

But it wasn't over yet. The t-rex started gnawing at the bubble and it started to get weaker. Kunzite held out his hands keeping the bubble from breaking.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" scolded Beryl. "You're supposed to trap the t-rex in a bubble, not us!"

"No way can I put that thing in a bubble! This was the only thing I could think to do!"

"Welp, Kunzite killed us all." Said Nephrite plainly.

"I didn't see you coming up with any ideas!" he sobbed.

"Wait a second," said Zoisite. "I got a plan."

They kicked Jadeite out of the bubble.

"TAKE HIM NOT US!" called Zoisite.

"NO! HEY! LET ME BACK IN! COMMON!" yelled Jadeite banging on the bubble.

The dino looked down and licked its lips while looking at Jed.

Jadeite took off in a mad sprint but the t-rex was hot on his trail.

Jadeite ran all the way to the top of a volcano and lept over the magma.

The dino extended its neck to eat Jed, but he was right out of its reach and it snapped shut with nothing. The dino suddenly realized it was leaning too far in, and fell into the volcano and was no more.

"ez" said jed.

He returned to the other shittenou in a mad sweat.

"Good job, Jed! We knew you could do it!" complimented Zoisite.

"YOU WERE GONNA LET ME GET EATEN!" accused Jadeite.

"Don't be ridiculous!" added Nephrite. "Now onward, to find Grandpa's dad!"


After wandering for many days and many nights, a rain storm came on and they had to hide in a cave for shelter.

"Hmph," said Beryl. "I'm all wet. Jed, you're a terrible umbrella."

Jed looked down sadly and wrung himself out of all the water he absorbed. "I tried but it wasn't enough."

"Hey, what's this?" asked Kunzite, lighting a candle.

They spotted a cave drawing.

"That's Grandpa!" cried Zoisite. "We must be close!"

They headed deeper in the cave.

"I sense a dark presence," stated Nephrite.

But then, the cave let out and they had not found any signs of Grandpa's dad.

As they stepped out into the sunlight, they spotted none other than Pharoah 90 in the center of the clearing.

"You!" cried Queen Beryl. "I'd recognize that aura anywhere! So that means…. Grandpa's dad is… YOU!?"

"Grandpa's dad is Pharoah 90!?" Kunzite gasped.

"Who dat?" asked Jadeite.

"He doesn't really have a personality, per say," explained Kunzite. "Or a backstory… but he's super powerful! And the best character in Sailor Moon!"

"Now wait just a second," began Zoisite angrily.

Pharaoh 90 did not wait for any introduction. Pharaoh 90 lit himself ablaze, and shot himself at them like a fire ball.

Everyone ducked down to dodge, except for one.

Jadeite was so disoriented with pondering what exactly made Pharaoh 90 a pharaoh that he was unable to dodge in time. His whole body was wiped off the face of the Earth, leaving not a trace.

All that remained was his legs, and they fell to the ground.

"OH MY GOD!" cried Beryl, traumatized. "Why do you think I put him in an eternal sleep instead of killing him?! This is too gory, even for me!"

"Riperoo," said Zoisite.

"I did not tell you to speak!" yelled Pharaoh 90. He backhanded Zoisite and he went flying into space. He burned up before ever making it through Earth's atmosphere.

"NO!" cried Kunzite.

Kunzite was steamed. "I will destroy you, and wipe your entire family tree off the map, buddy bo!"

"Hmph," scoffed Pharaoh 90. "Come at me."

"Alright, put em up!" shouted Kunzite.

Pharaoh 90 put em up.

Kunzite pulled back his fist to charge it up, but he was spliced in half by a laser beam before he could ever throw the fist.

"NO!" said Beryl. "Now I'm stuck with Nephrite!"

Nephrite was mad. He offered Beryl as a human sacrifice.

"Hmm," said Pharaoh 90.

Right when he let his guard down, Nephrite charged. He physically detached his fist and tossed it like a boomerang, regrowing another fist in its place.

The fist collided with Pharaoh's 90 one eye, minorly annoying him.

"I'll teach you to mess with me!" shouted Pharaoh 90.

Pharaoh 90 grew a huge pyramid above its head. He spun it around like a top, and then threw the spinning pyramid straight at Nephrite, like a drill.

Nephrite didn't even have time to scream.

"SHiiiiiiit!" exclaimed Beryl. She had to think of something.

"Hey hunkster," she said. "You don't seem to have a girlfriend, do you want one?"

Pharaoh 90 narrowed its eye. "Are you a minor?" he asked.

"No," said Beryl. Then she remembered. "Oh right, you're Grandpa's dad. Then yes, I am!"

"Liar!" shouted Pharaoh 90. He charged like a cannonball.

Beryl saw her whole life flash before her eyes.

"Damn you Chiba!" she remembered.

Then it hit her. She pulled out a salt packet and threw it in Pharaoh 90's eye as he closed in on her.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" he yelled. "It burns! Slightly!"

Beryl took this time to flee. She jumped back in the Time Gate and retreated.

She revived the Shitennou with her brute strength.

"Did we win?" asked Jadeite, rubbing his head.

"No," said Beryl. "We couldn't have been farther from it."

"How did I die?" asked Nephrite. "I don't remember dying!"

"That's because he took you out too quickly," explained Beryl.

"So what now?" Kunzite asked. "He was an even greater foe than Grandpa."

"Then we just have to go back farther!" shouted Queen Beryl. "We'll take out Grandpa's Grandpa!"

"Aha!" exclaimed Kunzite. "She's a thinker!"

"Hmph," said Zoisite.

They went back to the Time Gate.

"Damn," said Mayo. "I need to put a toll in here… finally buy my freedom…"

They walked past her and continued on.

"Ah," said Beryl upon checking her data. "It appears that Grandpa's Grandpa is approximately…. 14 billion years old!"

"AHHHHH!" screamed the Shitennou.

"Wait, you say he IS 14 billion years old?" Kunzite asked in shock.

"Yes. He's still alive."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the Shitennou.

"Stop screaming!" yelled Beryl. "Let's keep going."

They went to hit in how many years back they wanted to go on the Time Gate time machine, but they couldn't get it to 14 billion.

"What gives?" demanded Nephrite.

"Alas," said Mayo. "Grandpa's Grandpa, Chaos, has been around since the beginning of the universe. He was around even before the Time Gate!"

"AHHHHHHH!" screamed Beryl.

"Stop screaming!" shouted Jadeite.

Beryl slugged him. "Shut it!"

"Then what do we do?" Kunzite asked.

"What DO we do?" said Jadeite slowly, turning to face the camera. "Dun dun dun!"

Queen Beryl slugged him.

"But here's something else you should know about Chaos," continued Pluto. "He is above time itself. If you wipe him out in the present, it will erase all his spawns. That includes your nemesis, Grandpa."

"So we don't even need the Time Gate?" asked Jed.

"Yes, so get out!" screamed Mayo.

Meiyo put them on a dust pan and flipped them out of the time gate.

"Shit, we should have asked her for Chaos's address," recalled Zoisite.

"What exactly is this Chaos?" asked Nephrite.

"Who knows?" replied Beryl.

"But he's probably a weakling," added Kunzite.

"Yes," agreed Beryl. "You can tell from his name."

"Alrighty!" said Jed. "I'm hyped! Let's do a Shitennou Stone Teleport"

"A what?" asked Beryl.

"Be quiet and don't open your eyes," said Kunzite.

They did a magical teleport to the center of the universe.

"Woah," said Beryl. "All that power and you still couldn't take out some teenagers."

Zoisite went to slug Queen Beryl, but Queen Beryl blocked and slugged him.

"Tartar sauce," said Zoisite.

"Alright, I'm ready to bust some heads!" said Jadeite.

"You're gonna be the first one to die," stated Kunzite.

"NeVVVVVEEER!" Jadeite shouted. "I've never been the first one to die! And I don't plan on starting now!"

Everyone looked at each other.

"So where are we anyway?" Zoisite asked.

They looked around. They were on some random asteroid.

"OH MY GOD!" shrieked Jadeite. "A BLACK HOLE!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed everyone.

But then, from the Black Hole, emerged Chaos himself.

"Yo," he said.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed everyone.

"You're giving me a headache," said Chaos. "Now what business do you have with me?"

"How are we supposed to fight a blob of energy!?" cried Nephrite.

"The same way you fight the Sailor Scouts?" suggested Beryl.

"Uh oh," said the Shitennou.

"Fools!" shouted Chaos. "Did I hear you wanted to fight me?!"

"Actually," said Jed. "We were just passing by." He went to leave.

"Not so fast," said Beryl. She pulled him back by the ear.

The all huddled up. "Give us five seconds," asked Beryl nicely.

"Alright, what's the plan?" said Kunzite.

"Alright," said Zoisite. "Here's what we're gonna do! You three are gonna run out as decoys, and while Chaos isn't looking, I'm going to spawn a crystal and take him out from behind."

"Brilliant!" said Beryl.

"Hey, you only think that because you're not a decoy!" complained Jed.

"She is," said Zoisite. "Kunzite has to help me throw the crystal, and also escape with me when you all die!"

Zoisite winked at Kunzite.

"Now wait a second," said Beryl. "That's a horrible plan!"

"OHHHHHHHHHHH!" exclaimed Jadeite.

Beryl backhanded Jed.

"Hey guys I respawned myself," said Queen Metalia.

"Metalia?!" gasped Chaos.

"DADDY!?" cried Metalia. She flew towards him. "Oh Daddy! I haven't seen you in a million years!"

"DAUGHTER!" cried Chaos. "How have you been? Did you take over the Earth yet?"

"Uh oh," said Metalia. "I may have gone over a few minor speed bumps, but the Earth is as good as gone!"

"Very good," said Chaos. "After that you can move on to a hard target!"

"Heh heh," chuckled Metalia nervously.

"So do you know these weaklings?" Chaos asked.

"Why yes," said Metalia. "These are my pawns."

"P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p- PAWNS~?" cried Beryl.

"Well… yes, I thought you knew," said Metalia.

"That's it," decided Beryl. "Take them both out!"

"Wait a minute, were you here to kill my father!?" cried Metalia.

"Maybe…" said Beryl looking down.

"Beryl, how could you?!"

"It's not what you think! Your father is Grandpa's Grandpa! It was the only way to rid ourselves of that nuisance!"

Metalia shook her non-existent head. "If you were having problems with my Nephew you should have gone to me."

"We did!" insisted Zoisite. "You were in the trunk when we were driving to fight him!"

"huh," said Metalia. "Well there are a lot of Grandpas in the world, I didn't think you meant that one."

"Don't get in our way," threatened Kunzite. "You can't stop us."

"You don't know what you're doing!" screamed Metalia. "Killing Chaos will wipe out all his spawns! Including me!"

"We're sorry for your loss," said Jadeite. "But it's the only way."

"You don't stand a chance!" scoffed Chaos.

"Shit you're right," realized Kunzite.

"No Kunzite, there must be a way!" insisted Zoisite.

"Zoisite, no offense but he's a little too big to take out with a single crystal. I can't even tell where his vitals are… or if he has any!"

Zoisite leaned in and whispered a plan.

"That… that might just work!" Kunzite gasped.

"As if!" scoffed Chaos again. "There's no way you can defeat me!"

While Chaos's guard was down from laughing, Kunzite lit up with power and volt tackled him with the strength of 10 kazillion babillion suns.

Chaos flew backwards. "A gentle shove won't-"

He fell into a black hole. He was crushed by gravity and was no more.

All the remained was a perfect box of chaos caused by the gravity. But it was a lifeless box, and just to make sure, Kunzite threw it into the sun.

He dusted his hands off. "Easy does it!"

"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS!" shouted Metalia. She went to charge, but she faded from existence.

"Haha," laughed Beryl. "Call me a pawn, I think no-"

Beryl faded from existence.

"Wait, what's going on?!" gasped Kunzite.

Jadeite looked in his encyclopedia. "Time paradox," he stated. "If Metalia was wiped from existence, then she never would have brought us back. As a matter of fact, we never would have raided the Moon Kingdom to begin with, and we'd still be Prince Endymion's guardians."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they cried. They jumped into the sun, but they faded from existence before they were entirely destroyed.


Grandpa was sweeping up outside the temple.

"Hello," said a cute young boy approaching. "I like you!"

Grandpa gasped, and licked his lips. "Dreams really do come true!"

The little boy undressed and Grandpa reached for him.

Then he started to fade from existence. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! How could they have taken out Chaos?! I underestimated them! UWaaaaaaah~~~~~~!"

Grandpa disappeared and left no trace.

Rei stepped outside.

"AHhh! Put some clothes on! Did Grandpa try to prey on you?!"

"Nah," said the little boy.

"I'm calling the police," said Rei. "Yes hello, it's Rei again. Grandpa's up to his weekly shenanigans, and I don't know-"

The phone slipped through her hand.

"Huh?"

Then she faded from existence.

"HELLO!?" shouted the police on the other line. "Is this a prank?! I'm coming over!"


Epilogue

The police arrived at Grandpa's house, but there was no trace of anyone ever living there. All that remained was some homeless guy who claimed to be named Chad, and apparently he once knew the residents.

3 years later, since all the Moon Kingdom did was party all day, they were raided by a different entity known as the Dark Moon Clan.

FIN