"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Don't explain it, Jadeite. Just do it. Tell me about it if it actually succeeds," responded Beryl.

"Yes ma'am!" said Jadeite, happily skipping from the room.

When he stepped out into the North Pole, he broke into a hot sweat. "Man it's hot."

He teleported to Tokyo to cool down from the steamy North Pole.

"Whelp, here's as good a place as any to set up my scheme!"

Jadeite constructed a stand on a local street corner out of cardboard boxes and paint.

He made a huge sign saying "Chocolate Covered Corn Dogs!" and hammered it to the top of his stand.

"Excellent," he chuckled to himself evilly. He pulled out his "Open for business" spinning sign and starting spinning it.

"Man, but I remember when I used to have Youmas to do this crap for me," reminisced Jadeite. "Too bad I let them all die. Every last one of them. Woe is me."

The sun sunk in the sky.

"Why isn't anyone buying?" howled Jadeite. "This is the perfect food! Crispy, meaty, sweet, salty! Mmmmmm…." He started drooling.

"Humans have no taste!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

Nephrite heard the shouts from his house and decided to trot over to Jadeite's stand.

"Hey Jed, how's it hanging, bud?"

"Not so well," sighed Jadeite. "What gives? These people like chocolate covered Oreos, chocolate covered Twinkies, and so on! This is the only logical next step!"

"Maybe you should try marketing in America," suggested Nephrite.

"Nah," said Jed. "I already made the stand. It's glued to the grass!"

"Can't you just create another one?" asked Nephrite. "I created a hill and a mansion in like five seconds."

"NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO BE LIKE YOU!" howled Jadeite. "Now are you going to eat something or not? Otherwise, it's loitering!"

"Fine, fine," sighed Nephrite. He handed Jadeite a dollar.

"Whoopee, my first dollar! I'll frame this and put it on my wall!"

Jadeite tossed him one of his tasty treats.

"Enjoy," he whispered. "It was made with love."

Nephrite took a nibble. He vomited instantly and passed out in his own vomit.

"Hmph," said Jadeite. "That must mean he liked it!"


20 hours later…

"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I'm back with that energy!"

"Damn, really?" asked Beryl, waking up from her in-chair slumber. "Toss it over!"

Jadeite passed her the dollar.

"What is this?" asked Beryl. "This is not energy. This is human money!"

"But Nephrite gave it to me!" said Jadeite.

"It's not energy though," replied Beryl.

"Well no one else would buy my delicious product," explained Jadeite. "Not for the whole 20 hours I was there!"

Queen Beryl sighed. "You're a hard worker, Jadeite. But you're not a competent one. Go get me a Popsicle, it's sweltering in here."

"Can't you turn on the AC?" asked Jadeite.

"AC?" scoffed Beryl. "We live at the North Pole! Why would I have gotten one of those installed?"

"Good point, your majesty!"

Jadeite went into the freezer room to grab the Popsicle.

"I wonder if she wants cherry or coconut?"

"JADEITE ME BOY!" said Zoisite as he and Kunzite teleported in. "Toss us some popsicles, it's hot even in our castle!"

"Yeah, I don't quite understand this heat wave," said Jed. "But these are Queen Beryl's popsicles! You guys aren't even allowed in this room!"

"Huh?" asked Kunzite in confusion. "Come on, no one will know!"

"Still though," said Zoisite. "Why would Beryl want to keep us out of this room?"

Zoisite started eating popsicles by the tens. "Mmmmmmm….

"STOP!" yelled Jadeite. "You're eating all Beryl's popsicles!"

"Yeah, you're eating too many, I won't get any!" cried Kunzite. "Quality over quantity, though. I'll just take this huge one!"

Kunzite picked up a giant ice block and started licking it.

"I'll take this to go," he decided, hauling it outside.

"BERYL WILL SEE YOU!" Jadeite sobbed. He salvaged one Popsicle that Zoisite didn't spot.

"Phew," he said. "But if Beryl asks for seconds, we're all dead!"

They continued down the hall into a better lit area.

"Man, this thing's really heavy!" said Kunzite. "And it doesn't have much flavoring, either."

Zoisite and Jadeite turned to look at the huge Popsicle.

"HOLY SHIT!" cried Zoisite. "It's a frozen caveman!"

"WAT?!" cried Kunzite, spitting out the chunk he just bit off.

"That's no caveman…" said Jadeite slowly. "He looks like some kind of humanoid, just like us!"

Kunzite looked closer. "He's… he's wearing a Shitennou uniform?!"

They all scampered to Queen Beryl.

"BERYL BERYL BERYL!" they howled. "We think Nephrite got stuck in the freezer again!"

"Huh?" asked Queen Beryl. "Where's my popsicle?"

"Here you go," said Jadeite.

"Yuck, cherry. Go grab me a coconut!"

"Uh oh," said Jadeite.

Nephrite teleported in. "Queen Beryl, can I borrow a Popsicle? I need to get this taste out of my mouth of Jadeite's horrible cuisine!"

"Wait, if Nephrite is there…" said Zoisite slowly. "Who's in the cube?"

Queen Beryl finally looked over.

The color drained from her face. "WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT!?" she barked.

"In the freezer," said Jadeite.

"Uh oh," said Beryl.

"Let's thaw him out!" said Jadeite.

"I don't know about that…" said Beryl.

"Queen Beryl," began Kunzite. "What are you hiding?"

"Me?! Hide?!" gasped Beryl, hiding behind her throne.

Jadeite took out a chisel and chiseled out the mysterious Shitennou.

"Ugh," the Shitennou said in a raspy voice, as though he had not spoken in quite a long time. "Oh no, what time is it?! I'm going to be late for the Moon Kingdom raid!"

He turned and spotted Beryl.

"Aww yuck, Beryl!" he scoffed.

"Hello again, Hematite," said Beryl sourly. "When I said I was putting you in an eternal sleep, I had hoped it would be eternal."

The other four Shitennou gasped.

"Golly gee!" exclaimed Jadeite. "I can't believe there's another Shitennou! If he was put to sleep eternally but I haven't been yet, I think, then he's probably lower ranking than I am!"

"I doubt he is," said Zoisite. "Look, he has a large cape and huge shoulder pads."

"Wait a second!" gawked Kunzite. "Those are even fancier than mine! His shoulder things have spikes on them! Beryl…..!"

"I can explain," said Beryl.

"Allow me," interrupted the new Shitennou. "I am Count Hematite, the former leader of the Shitennou!"

"A COUNT!?" gasped Kunzite in horror. "But I'm only a lord! What is this debauchery!?"

"Anyway," continued Count Hematite. "I disagreed with Queen Beryl when she thought it would be a good idea to focus on Endymion instead of Queen Serenity during the Moon Kingdom raid. Since Endymion wasn't even part of the Moon Kingdom, and in theory, he might not have even been on the moon that day. And, since Queen Serenity held the silver crystal and all-"

"ENOUGH!" shouted Beryl. "I'll put you in an eternal sleep again!"

"Yeah right!" scoffed Hematite. "You got me when I was mortally wounded and unable to dodge. If I had to guess, that's the only scenario you could ever take out a Shitennou in!"

"Uh oh," said Beryl.

"How'd you get mortally wounded?" asked Nephrite.

"While you bozos were taking on… wait what were you guys taking on during the Moon Kingdom raid?"

"Well," said Kunzite. "Metalia got the inner scouts, and Serenity, and Endymion… we were kind of just there for moral support, and to goof around."

"Beryl tasked me in holding up a Beryl X Endymion banner," added Jadeite.

"HA!" scoffed Hematite. "While you fools were doing that, I took on the Outer Senshi. I got mortally wounded from Sailor Saturn's self-destruct attack, which was why she died. I managed to take out Neptune and Uranus, and then was headed for the Time Gate when Beryl took me out for not wearing the Beryl X Endymion hat she sewed for me. It would have been a huge burden to fight with, which was why I didn't have it on. And also she was still mad about me telling her her dumb plan was dumb. So here I am!"

"I think you should put him back to sleep!" suggested Kunzite.

"Tsk tsk," said Hematite. "Don't disrespect your superiors!"

"You can't be that stronger than me," scoffed Kunzite. He got cocky and charged.

Hematite spawned a large staff with a diamond at the end, and pointed it at Kunzite.

Kunzite slid back to his spot and pretended he had never charged in the first place.

"Nice pimp staff!" said Jed.

"You were the only Shitennou I liked, Jadeite," smiled Hematite.

"But why don't we remember him?" asked Zoisite.

"Well none of you but Kunzite remembered the Moon Kingdom raid, and Kunzite must have suppressed the memory of someone being stronger than him," suspected Beryl. "But I mean, he probably didn't remember it that good anyway, since he was bragging to the Sailor Scouts about it although he got slaughtered."

"Hey, in our defense," said Jadeite. "It was a thousand years ago!"

"It's been that long?" gasped Hematite. "You kept me out for a thousand years?!"

"You didn't miss much," said Beryl. "You all are dismissed!"

Queen Beryl quickly fled.

The other Shitennou were left taking in the fact that they had a new member.

"Say… Hematite," began Zoisite blushing. "I don't remember you… but do you remember me?"

"HEY WAIT A SECOND!" said Kunzite.

"I could never forget that beautiful face," winked Hematite. "We should hang out some time."

Zoisite fainted with hearts in his eyes.

"RRRR BACK OFF!" yelled Kunzite.

"Hey," said Nephrite. "Watch it when you steal other people's lines."

Kunzite glared at Hematite and took in his appearance. He had dark silver, metallic hair that was much cooler than Kunzite's. He had piercing green eyes that stood out way more than his bland colorless eyes, and a chiseled jawline that could steal the heart of any woman or man. His abs were flawless, somehow managing to still be ripped after 1,000 years of no exercise. His uniform has a purple stripe and a cape that went down to his feet.

"You will meet your maker," promised Kunzite.

"Huh?" asked Hematite.

"Nothing," said Kunzite batting his eyelashes innocently.

"Man, this is crazy!" said Jadeite. "I can't believe that from now on there will always be a fifth Shitennou, and an OC at that!"

"But I hate OC's!" said Nephrite.

"And they hate you," said Hematite. "Now, chop chop, who's going to make me lunch?"

"I will!" called Zoisite waking up again.

"No, I wanna make him lunch!" cried Jadeite.

They ran from the room.

"But… but…" said Kunzite. "They were gonna make me lunch!"

"Hmph," said Nephrite. "I don't care about petty things like that. But what I do care about is the integrity of not making up original characters, when clearly people only read fanfictions to read about the characters they already know and like! Plus, it makes it impossible to jump in later in the story, because you'll be lost with all the random names! Heck, at this rate, we're going to have whole chapters with just OC's! Just like the Starlights in season 5, but that's actually canon!"

Kunzite was grumbling in the corner.

"Kunzite were you listening to me?" asked Nephrite.

"Hematite!" Kunzite howled menacingly. "You will pay!"


They sat in the Nega-cafeteria.

"Here you go, Hematite!" said Zoisite happily, serving him a ten course meal. "Anything else you want?"

"Nah," said Hematite. "Mmm, this is good! Hey, come sit here and have some!"

Zoisite's eyes glimmered. "Me… sit with you?! This must be a dream!"

"So, how about that Kunzite guy?" asked Hematite. "Why does he hate me so much?"

"Kunzite who?" asked Zoisite, not taking his eyes off Hematite.

There was a loud sound of a soda can exploding.

Everyone turned to see that Kunzite had shattered it in his hand from fury.

"Come on Kunzite, sitting with me and Nephrite isn't that bad!" said Jadeite. "I mean, we may not be the coolest kids on the block, especially now, compared to Hematite, but…"

Kunzite got up and left.

Nephrite followed him.

"Kunzite, I think me and you want the same thing right now," Nephrite leaned in and said to him.

"You want Zoisite too? Dammit!" moaned Kunzite.

"No, no," said Nephrite. "I mean we both want to take out Hematite!"

"Oh yeah, yeah!"

"Therefore, I think it would be in our best interest to make a temporary alliance to dispose of this nuisance!"

"I couldn't have said it better myself," agreed Kunzite. "Let's do this."

"But wait, shouldn't we get Jadeite and Zoisite in on the plan?"

"Nah, they're expendable," said Kunzite.

"I don't know," said Nephrite. "Zoisite's not a fighter, but he's pretty good at throwing debuffs!"

"We got this," promised Kunzite. "Now let's make a plan."


Nephrite strolled into Queen Beryl's throne room, drunk and with sunglasses on.

"Yo, B-man!" he called.

"That's Queen Beryl to you," said Queen Beryl.

"Whatever you say, Queen Bozo!" taunted Nephrite.

"Watch your mouth!"

"No, you watch it! Read my lips, LOOOOOOSER!"


Kunzite approached Hematite and Zoisite's table.

He waited there for 10 minutes but they didn't notice him. He finally got mad and slammed his fist on the table.

"Hey!"

"Hello," said Hematite. "Can we help you?"

"I'm sick of you stealing my fame and glory!" shouted Kunzite. "I used to be the cool one here!"

"That's too bad," said Hematite, with fake sympathy. "Zoisite, dispose of this nuisance!"

"What nuisance?" asked Zoisite who still hadn't looked away from Hematite.

Kunzite suddenly had a burst of anger and threw a wild punch.

Hematite stood up angrily, rubbing his cheek. "Do you have something to say?" he asked.

"Yes," said Kunzite. "Get LOST!"

Kunzite charged and spun his legs rapidly, attempting to propeller kick Hematite in the neck.

Hematite put out a single arm and blocked all of it. "They don't call me a count for nothing!"

Hematite extended his hand, and Kunzite went flying.

Kunzite stumbled to his feet weakly. "This… this is nothing!"

"It looks like something," remarked Hematite.

Kunzite started firing powerful energy blasts at a rapid pace. It looked like Hematite was wounded, but when the smoke cleared, Hematite stood unscathed.

"Hmm," he said disinterestedly.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" yelled Kunzite. He tried to drop-kick him, but Hematite caught his leg.

There was a moment of silence, and then Kunzite tried to bend over and throw a punch.

Hematite snapped his leg like a twig and tossed him across the room.

"Wowee," said Jadeite, who was still in the cafeteria. "This chocolate milk tastes great!"

Kunzite smashed into Jadeite, taking him out.

Kunzite was steamed.

"Ha," laughed Hematite. "No wonder Zoisite likes me more."

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" exclaimed Kunzite in rage. He was surrounded by an aura of energy, and split into six clones of himself.

All six clones charged.

Hematite whipped out his trusty staff and shot projectiles, taking them down one by one.

However, they all dissolved into mist, because they were just illusions.

While Hematite was distracted, Kunzite flew up from behind, landing a powerful kick between his shoulder blades.

Hematite flew forward a few steps, but he still appeared unscathed.

"This isn't working!" Kunzite thought to himself. "Time for plan B!"

Kunzite headed for the door in a mad sprint, but Hematite appeared in front of him.

"Hey bud," said Kunzite nonchalantly.

"Hey," said Hematite.

He backhanded Kunzite through the wall, and he continued to fly through every wall in the Negaverse.


"Hey Beryl, I think I'm done getting energy," continued Nephrite.

"Oh?" said Beryl. "Are you going to get the Silver Crystal?"

"Nah, I think I'm gonna take a couple years off to get an online degree in art history."

"WHHHHAAAAAT?" howled Beryl. "If you're going to get a degree, you're going to get it in something useful!"

"Why don't you make me?" taunted Nephrite.

"FOOL!" she shouted.

"I know you are but what am I?"

Queen Beryl glared silently at him.

"Stupid says what?" Nephrite yelped quickly.

"What?" said Beryl.

"HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!" he laughed loudly.

"THAT IS IT!" yelled Beryl. "One more outburst like that, and I'm grounding you!"

"You're not my real dad!" Nephrite shouted.

Queen Beryl leapt out of her chair. "SLEEP FOREVER!" she screamed.

Just then, Kunzite flew in threw the wall.

"Ugh…." He moaned, laying on the ground.

Hematite flew up to him so quickly it was barely visible.

"This is the end for you!" said Hematite, pointing his staff at Kunzite's head.

Just then, Beryl fired the eternal sleep attack.

Nephrite dove to the ground.

With his one last ounce of energy, Kunzite rolled to the side.

Hematite turned, just before the blast hit him. He didn't have enough time to escape, and was once again frozen.

"We did it!" applauded Nephrite.

Beryl still had smoke coming out of her ears. "I'm still gonna kill you!"

"You don't have the guts," taunted Nephrite.

"Nephrite, the act's over," said Kunzite. "The plan worked successfully, there's no need to keep being like that."

"Wait, this was a plan!?" screamed Beryl. "Why didn't you let me in on this? I wanted to take out Hematite too!"

"Wait, why?" they asked.

"He called my plan stupid 1,000 years ago."

"Ah."

Zoisite and Jadeite came running in.

"Where's Hematite?" asked Zoisite.

"Here he is," said Kunzite, pointing to the ice cube.

"NOooooooooooooooOOOOOoooooooOOOOOO!" cried Zoisite. "Meh, he's not that attractive frozen in ice. I'm so over him."

Kunzite and Nephrite hauled Hematite back to the freezer and closed the door.

"Let's never go in here again," they vowed.

Jadeite watched as they closed the door.

"Maybe someday, Hematite," he said quietly. "Someday…"

FIN

A/N: This chapter was loosely based off the Bismuth episode from Steven Universe. [Spoiler Alert] Since they acted like she would be a permanent part of the team but then she got taken out in one episode.