"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Let me stop you there, Jadeite."

"Ok…" said Jadeite. "Is this the end of my road?"

"Your journey has reached a conclusion," agreed Beryl.

"Have I expired?"

"You have."

"Ah," said Jadeite. "But wait, surprise attack!"

Jadeite charged Beryl, but tripped on the way to her throne and slid across the room.

"Dang, did you get these floors polished?"

"Yes," said Beryl. "Do they look nice?"

"Ye," said Jadeite.

Beryl stomped on Jadeite's head since he was right under her foot.

"That was mean," said Jadeite.

"I hope you learned a valuable lesson," said Beryl. "Teach a man to fish and he gets stomped."

"I don't think that's how it goes," said Jadeite.

Beryl was about to finish him off for good, when Nephrite road up in his shiny hotrod.

"Hey Beryl! I got some more of Molly's love energy!"

"Nephrite, how did you drive in in a car at the North Pole?" demanded Queen Beryl.

"Well, it all started on Sunday morning, at Maxfield's weekly tennis lessons…"

"Never mind then! But you left tire tracks on my newly polished floor!"

"But look at all this love energy!" bragged Nephrite.

"I don't care," said Beryl. "If it's not Endymion's love energy, it's worthless!"

"I don't get it, so you don't want energy?" asked Nephrite.

"I didn't say that!"

"Well actually," began Nephrite.

"Leave me alone!" shouted Beryl. "It's complicated!"

"It's okay, Beryl," said Jadeite.

Beryl stomped Jed's neck.

"Youch! Why didn't I stand up in this whole time?!"

"Hey Nephrite," began Zoisite, appearing suddenly. "After much effort and research, I have acquired your permanent records from second grade! And it turns out you get expelled from school for punching a little girl!"

"She had it coming!" cried Nephrite.

"Hahahahhahah, Nephrite has to beat up little girls because he's bad!" taunted Zoisite.

"No!" cried Nephrite. "I never wanted anyone to know!"

"Quiet!" scolded Beryl. "I don't have time for your petty squabbling. Has anyone done any work lately?"

"I got Molly's love energy," said Nephrite.

"You always get Molly's love energy! It's not interesting anymore!" screamed Beryl.

"Well golly!" said Nephrite.

"Yeah," agreed Zoisite. "That Nephrite's a real bozo. Why do you put up with that guy?!"

"You have a lot to learn, Zoisite," said Beryl. "Desperation is the best motivation!"

"What desperation?" asked Nephrite.

"My desperation!" cried Beryl. "I mean, Jadeite's too much of a loser to date, Zoisite and Kunzite are gay, and Mamoru always seems to escape my grasp. Why do you think I haven't killed you yet, Nephrite?"

"Because you're a weakling?"

"No! Well, that's part of it, but what I'm saying is that I think we should take our relationship to the next level!"

"No!" yelled Jadeite. "I'll fight for your love, Queen Beryl!"

She stomped him again.

"Why am I still laying here?!" he cried.

"Ohhhhh," realized Nephrite. "That's why you didn't want Molly's love energy!"

"No!" said Beryl. "Actually, I was just kidding," she lied. "Give me that wonderful energy!"

"I threw it out," said Nephrite.

"YOU WHAT?!"

"You said you didn't want it, so I disposed of it!"

"I don't want Jadeite, but you haven't disposed of him yet!" complained Beryl.

"Do you want me to take him out?" Nephrite asked.

"Nah," said Beryl.

"?" asked Nephrite.

"Hey boys, make way for your leader," said Kunzite, marching in.

"Kunzite me boy!" exclaimed Zoisite, throwing himself at Kunzite.

"Pathetic," said Nephrite.

"Yeah!" said Beryl. "People like you make me sick!"

"Huh?" asked Zoisite. "What the Hell?"

"I wish someone loved me," said Beryl.

Jadeite opened his mouth to object, but a powerful stomp came his way.

"Alright, this is sad," said Nephrite. "Jadeite, please stand up!"

Jadeite got to his feet. "Thanks buddy!"

Nephrite gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"So anyway," started Kunzite. "I came here to announce that I have found the Silver Crystal!"

"WHERE?!" screamed Beryl.

"The silver what?" asked Nephrite.

"Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?!" screamed Beryl.

"Well honestly," admitted Kunzite. "I figured since I had it and you didn't, that I could just take over the world on my own. But it doesn't seem to be working, so maybe you can take a crack at it!"

He handed it to Beryl and she examined the crystal.

"Kunzite, why does the Silver Crystal say 'Made in China,' on it?"

"I don't know," shrugged Kunzite. "Maybe that's where the Silver Crystal originated!"

"I don't think so," said Beryl. "Did you get this in a quarter machine?"

"I'll have you know it was a 50 cent machine!" howled Kunzite.

"Haha," laughed Nephrite.

"Kunzite go to your room," shouted Beryl.

"D'ah," said Kunzite. He went back to his castle and went in his room. "Hahahha, I still have my PSP in here! Joke's on her!"

Queen Beryl turned off the Wi-Fi.

"NO!" cried Kunzite. "Now I can't play Sonic Racer with friends!"

"Kunzite is oblivious," said Nephrite.

"You're oblivious!" cried Zoisite.

"He has no people experience," continued Nephrite. "I, however, have taken the time to study the human race!"

"And what did you learn?" asked Beryl.

"Urmmm… I learned what love was," said Nephrite. "And I learned that the human world is way better than the Negaverse. Like seriously, there's nothing to do here, and it's all black and gloomy! Why do you think I always stay in my Earth home? No offense Beryl, but this place is shit!"

"WWHHHHAAT?" screamed Queen Beryl. "I always thought that too, but I thought you all liked it so I kept it this way!"

"We all hate it," said Jadeite. "Literally I just live in a dark space. It's downright depressing."

"Huh," said Queen Beryl. "Let's remodel the Negaverse!"


"Good work team!" said Queen Beryl. "I'm glad you stuck with my design ideas!"

The Negaverse was hot pink and covered in flowers everywhere. There was a blue sky and a huge rainbow. The sun was Endymion's head.

"Beautiful!" cried Beryl.

"Hmm," thought Kunzite. "I suppose I can leave my room now, since it's been two weeks…"

Kunzite stepped outside to get the Nega-news.

"AHHHH! WHAT IS THIS?!" he cried.

He teleported to Beryl.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!? THE NEGAVERSE WAS SO WONDERFUL AND DARK, JUST LIKE MY SOUL!"

"You don't like it?" asked Beryl in shock.

"Of course not! Why is the sun Endymion's head?! I hate that guy!"

"You're nitpicking," scoffed Beryl. "Surely you must love the flowers and the rainbow!"

"This place used to have a distinct and mature atmosphere, but now it's all over the place!" yelled Kunzite. "It's like a texture pack for Super Mario 64 made by a five year old!"

"But those are my favorite packs!" cried Beryl.

"That's it, I'm moving to Earth!" decided Kunzite.

He spawned a bigger mansion next to Nephrite's, blocking Nephrite's sunlight and city view.

"NO!" cried Nephrite.

Jadeite moped around the Negaverse. "Everyone moved out!" he cried. "I'm all alone!"

"You're never alone with the giant Endymion head sun!" said Endymion's head.

"AHHHHH!" cried Jadeite. He teleported to Earth too.

"I'm moving in as well!"

He knocked on Nephrite's door.

"Zoisite, why are you over here?!" yelled Nephrite. "You live right next door, there's no reason to come here anymore!"

"It's me," said Jed.

"Oh," said Nephrite. "I haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?"

"Good, good," said Jed. "Say, do you have a spare room?"

"No," said Nephrite. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh… no reason," said Jadeite dejectedly. He moped away.

"I also don't have a view of the city or any natural sunlight anymore either!" called Nephrite. "But you don't see me complaining!"

Nephrite slammed the door and threw a chair. "AHHH!"

Jadeite knocked on Kunzite's door. "Hey mate," he said.

Zoisite opened the door. "Jadeite? Have you gotten a job as a door-to-door salesman?"

"No," said Jadeite sadly. "I wish. Say, do you have a spare room?"

"Yes," said Zoisite. "Why?"

"I wanted to move out of the Negaverse, since Beryl butchered it."

"You don't like the giant Endymion head either?"

"No," moped Jadeite.

"Hmm, hmm," said Zoisite, considering it. "How much space do you take up?"

"None!" said Jadeite enthusiastically. "You won't even know I'm there! I'll sleep in the cabinet!"

"Cool!" said Zoisite. "I have a nice cozy one in the kitchen just for you!"

Zoisite took Jadeite to his new room.

"Make yourself at home!" he said.

Jadeite examined the cabinet.

"Perfect!" exclaimed Jadeite in relief.

He hopped in and closed the door.


The next morning, Kunzite reached for a box of cereal. "Eww, I hate Apple Jeds!" he remarked.

He closed the door.

"Zoisite, why is Jadeite in our cabinet?"

"He was down and out," explained Zoisite. "I felt we ought to give our old friend a place to stay!"

"But what about the huge guest room?" asked Kunzite.

"Hey, he wanted to stay in there! I never said he couldn't sleep in the guest room! I honestly thought he was kidding when he said he'd sleep in the cabinet."

"You have a guest room?" Jadeite muffled from inside the cabinet.

"I thought you said we wouldn't know you're here," reminded Zoisite. "Keep your mouth shut."

"Aye aye!" said Jadeite.


1 month later…

"Jadeite, you haven't paid your rent," said Zoisite.

"Yikes," said Jadeite. "How much is it?"

"Well, this is city front property, after all," said Zoisite. "So, I'm going to say around 5,000 yen."

"I don't know what that means," said Jadeite. "I wish they'd convert that in the subs."

"Me too," said Zoisite. "But to what, though? We don't have a currency in the Negaverse."

"What about Negabucks?"

"They haven't had value since the Great Negadepression," reminded Zoisite.

"Oh yeah," said Jed. "Those were dark times. I'm glad we made it through it!"

"Rent?" asked Zoisite.

"Uh… I can't afford it!" cried Jadeite. "But I'll get a job!"

"Mmm, that's too bad!" said Zoisite.

"No! Please! I have nowhere to stay!"

"Well, there is one job I was looking for someone to do…"


Nephrite reached in his liquor drawer. "Mmmmm," he said.

"HAHAHAHAHHA DRINKING AT 8 AM?!" mocked Jadeite.

"Jadeite?!" howled Nephrite. "What are you doing here?!"

"Sorry," said Jadeite. "Zoisite's paying me to bully you!"

"Really now?" sneered Nephrite.

"Hahahahhahaha you talk to stars! Creep!" yelled Jadeite.

"Rrrr, back off!" howled Nephrite.

"Uh oh!" taunted Jadeite. "You're soooooo scary!"

Nephrite spun around, but unlike Zoisite, Jadeite wasn't quick on the teleport.

Nephrite grabbed him by the throat and smashed him into the wall. "Get out of my house, and don't come back!"

"WAAAA OK!" sobbed Jadeite.

Jadeite teleported away eventually.

"Hey… Zoisite?"

"How's work?" asked Zoisite.

"Not too good," said Jadeite.

"Mmmmm, that's too bad," said Zoisite. "I haven't heard Nephrite throw one chair today! Get back to work or I'm throwing you out!"

"AHHHH!" cried Jadeite.

Jadeite teleported back into Nephrite's house.

Nephrite was expecting this, and threw a chair at his head.

"Hey, at least he threw a chair," thought Jed as he died.


Queen Beryl gazed up at the bright Endymion sun as it rose above her gardens.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm," said Queen Beryl.

The actual Endymion walked in. "Hey chump, what's up?"

He noticed the sun. "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

Endymion exploded, as did the sun.

FIN