"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"KUNZITE!" yelled Beryl.
"Yes, My Queen?" asked Kunzite, teleporting in.
"It got in again."
"What did, My Queen?"
"That."
She pointed to Jadeite.
"Hmm, that cold," said Kunzite.
"Get him out of heeeere!" she whined.
"Come on Jed, let's go home," said Kunzite, grabbing Jed by the shoulders.
"Don't touch me!" cried Jed. He started throwing punches, so Kunzite threw him over his shoulder and dragged him out like a newborn.
He returned a few minutes later.
"Did you take care of him?" asked Beryl.
"He's at bay for now," replied Kunzite.
"Kunzite, I need you to do an important mission," Beryl began.
"Ok," said Kunzite.
"I need you to kill this girl that flirted with Mamoru at his job."
"Another one?" asked Kunzite.
"Yes," said Beryl.
"Queen Beryl, not to be rude, but shouldn't you use your crystal ball to look for the Silver Crystal, and not to-"
"Kunzite!" howled Beryl. "You're the only one I can trust with this mission! Don't let me down!"
Kunzite sighed and teleported off.
"Girl that flirted with Mamoru!" Kunzite began menacingly. "Your time is up! You're no match for the power of the Negaverse!"
"No, please!" cried the random girl. "I wasn't even flirting with him, he was the one hitting on me! Honestly, I thought he was a creep!"
"That's too bad," said Kunzite. "Die."
He raised his hand to shoot an energy blast and finish her off.
But nothing happened.
"…Huh?" said Kunzite in shock. "I'm having some… er… technical difficulties here. Please hold."
The girl tried to run off like a wildman, but Kunzite tackled her.
"No, wait!" he cried. "I can finish you off with or without my powers! Time to put all my martial arts training to use!"
But the girl knew 24 forms of Jiu Jitsu. She disposed of him like rubbish.
"How did this happen?!" cried Kunzite. "WHERE ARE MY POWERS?!"
He tried to teleport back to the Negaverse in shame, but nothing happened. "Dammit! Why do we live so far away!?"
Kunzite hopped out of his cab and payed the whopping fee of $15,000. "Thanks for the ride," he said angrily.
He went inside.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHBAHHAHAHHA!" laughed Nephrite, jumping in his face.
"You dare laugh at me, Lord Kunzite?!"
Kunzite threw a wild punch, but Nephrite brushed it off like a gust of wind.
"AHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHA" continued Nephrite. "This makes me the strongest person in the Negaverse! Time to become the new king! First order of business, Whiskey Wednesday!"
"HEY!" barked Beryl. "I'm the strongest person in the Negaverse, and I always have been!"
"Keep dreaming," said Nephrite. He threw Beryl off her throne and hopped on.
"Beryl, get me energy!"
"But… but I!" said Beryl.
"Do you want an eternal sleep?" asked Nephrite.
"HAHAHAHAHA, YOU TELL HER!" added Jadeite, wrapping his arm around his pal.
"That goes for you too," said Nephrite.
"Darnit," said Jed.
"Where's that bum Zoisite?" asked Nephrite.
"Where is Zoisite?" repeated Kunzite.
He went home after being verbally abused by Nephrite, and looked in his fridge.
"Zoisite, what are you doing in here?"
"You don't understand!" cried Zoisite. "Now that you don't have powers, I'm history! I wouldn't have been such a dick all these years if I knew it'd end up like this!"
"Don't worry," said Kunzite. "I may not have powers, but I'll still protect you!"
There was a knock on the door.
"Crap, what should my last words be?" asked Zoisite. "I need something memorable!"
Kunzite grabbed a golf club and answered the door.
"Oh, it's just you Beryl. Don't worry, Zoisite, there's no threat!"
"Not exactly," said Queen Beryl. "I just came to finish off Zoisite. I don't want anything from you."
"No way!" said Kunzite. "You'll have to go through me!"
Queen Beryl went through him like a door.
"Zoisite, you have to fight back! She's not as strong as she pretends to be!"
Queen Beryl hit Kunzite on the head, knocking him unconscious.
"Uh oh," said Zoisite. But then he remembered that he wasn't mortally wounded. He teleported away.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Beryl. "This is ridiculous!" she thought. "Why can I only kill people when they're mortally wounded!?"
Kunzite came to a couple hours later.
"Where… where am I?" he asked.
"We're hiding in the supply closet, where King Nephrite can't find us!" cried Jadeite.
"This seems familiar," thought Kunzite.
"That's because it is," said Zoisite.
"Oh, Zoisite, you're alive! How did you fight off Beryl!?"
"It was a close match," admitted Zoisite. "But in the end, I was able to outsmart her."
"You need to get your powers back soon!" exclaimed Jadeite. "This is anarchy! Nephrite is a cruel and heartless ruler! We shouldn't have been such jerks to him!"
"Don't worry," said Kunzite. "I'm not sure what took away my powers, but I know I'll be able to find out how to get them back!"
"Almost there," muttered Kunzite breathlessly as he climbed a mountain.
Zoisite floated next to him as he climbed. "You can do it!" he cheered.
"Here, just do like me," said Jadeite. He leapt from rock to rock quickly. "See?"
"STOP THAT!" Kunzite yelled at them. "I'm just a normal human without my powers! I can't do any of that!"
"Let us teleport you to the top," insisted Zoisite.
"No, I may be a human, but I still have my dignity!"
He trekked on.
Finally they reached the top.
"What…. What is this place?" asked Zoisite and Jadeite in awe.
"This is Prince Endymion's old palace."
"Yuck, why are we here?" asked Zoisite.
"This is where I initially got my powers," explained Kunzite. "They were bestowed upon me by Sailor Earth."
"WAAAAAAAHT?!" gasped Jadeite.
"I think we should save that story for another day," suggested Zoisite.
"I agree," said Kunzite. They stepped into a shrine-like building.
"What's your plan?" Jed asked.
"To come here," said Kunzite.
"Ok, now what?" Jed asked again.
Kunzite waited. Nothing happened.
"Well this was a bust," said Zoisite. "Should we climb another mountain?"
"NO!" yelled Kunzite. "Let me think back to that day…"
Kunzite faded into a flashback while the others just stared at him.
10 minutes later, he came out of the flashback.
"Aha, so that's it!" he exclaimed.
"What's it?" asked Zoisite.
"My powers are triggered by anger!"
"But… then why did they stop?"
"Hmmm," pondered Kunzite. "I guess I'm pretty content in my life. I get to be around my two favorite girls, Beryl and Zoisite."
"Wait, why'd you say Beryl first?!" cried Zoisite. "And why'd you call me a girl!?"
"Dub," answered Kunzite.
"Darn, that just continues to haunt me!" cried Zoisite. "But let's go back to that Beryl thing! Do you like Beryl more than me?!"
"Of course not….!" said Kunzite.
"THAT'S NOT CONVINCING! YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT ME WHEN YOU SAY IT!"
"Of course not…..!"
"YOU LOOKED AWAY AGAIN!"
"Hey, let's not come to specifics…"
"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?"
"Jadeite, help me out here!" cried Kunzite.
"I'm sorry to tell you, Zoisite, but Queen Beryl is a beautiful young woman," explained Jadeite. "There's really no competition."
"That's not what I meant!" cried Kunzite. "It's just… the brainwashing! And the… ya know!"
Zoisite glared at him.
"ANYWAY," continued Kunzite. "Let's go get my powers back!"
"Time out," called Jadeite. Making a gesture with his hands. "I thought we all got our powers from the Negaverse?"
"Maybe the weak ones without any powers to begin with did," explained Kunzite. "But the Negaverse enhanced the strong ones' power to make them stronger."
"Darnit," said Jed. "Even in another lifetime I was the weakest link."
"And you will continue to be forever," Kunzite consoled him.
They grabbed Kunzite and teleported back to the Negaverse.
"Hey!" yelled Nephrite when they appeared. "Where's my energy?"
"We didn't get any," barked Kunzite.
"That's Nephrite-sama to you," said Nephrite.
"Grrr…" growled Kunzite. He tried to summon power, but still could not.
Nephrite blasted him and he went flying like a ragdoll.
"Now," continued Nephrite. "Zoisite, give me the Silver Crystal!"
"I don't have it, dumbass," said Zoisite.
"Then you will die!" Nephrite howled.
"Yeah right, Kunzite will just… uh oh!"
Nephrite charged up his crystal ball and shot a blinding projectile that was about to finish off Zoisite.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Kunzite. He jumped in the way.
"KUNZITE! NO!" screamed Zoisite.
Kunzite was unscathed. "Your mistake was using Beryl's ball," he said. "She's a weakling."
"Hmm, then I'll just summon power from the stars to dispose of all three of you!"
"WHY ME!?" cried Jadeite. "All I've done was suck up to you!"
"Exactly," said Nephrite. "I hate people like that!"
He shot a huge asteroid at them.
But little did he know, Kunzite had already reached his peak level of anger when he had attempted to use Beryl's weakling ball to kill Zoisite.
Kunzite teleported on top of the asteroid, and punched it with his fist, shattering it into a million pieces.
"Hmm," said Nephrite. "You may have got a shred of your powers back, but I'll take you out before you can power up completely!"
Nephrite threw a satellite at Kunzite. Kunzite dodged it swiftly, and spawned his boomerangs of doom.
"YOU ARE FIN!" he yelled, tossing them at Nephrite.
Nephrite's clothes were torn to shreds. "Uh oh, he's getting increasingly stronger!"
However, Nephrite knew that he was much better at hand-to-hand combat than his opponent, who relied on powerful ranged attacks instead.
He extended his fists and charged them with fury, creating a whirlwind of punches and kicks.
Jed, who happened to be in the crossfire, got fatally wounded.
The tornado approached Kunzite, and he attempted to put up a shield, but was unable to be angry enough.
"Hahahaha," taunted Nephrite. "In the end, I'm stronger AND smarter than you!"
"NOOOOO!" yelled Kunzite.
"Also, your cape looks ridiculous."
That's when Kunzite blew a gasket. "NO! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!"
He lifted Beryl's entire palace into the air with magic. It floated above them as they stood on the dirt ground.
"Ohhhh scary!" taunted Nephrite. "I can lift weights too!"
Kunzite flipped the castle so the pointy top was above Nephrite.
"My cape is EPIIIIIC!" he howled. He dropped the castle on Nephrite, mortally wounding him.
Just then, Beryl crawled over to her ball. "I'll teach you to throw me off my throne!"
"Ha," scoffed Nephrite. "You're bad and you could never take me out unless I was mortally wounded! …Uh oh…"
Beryl took out Nephrite and put him in an eternal 5 minute sleep.
"HAAHHHAHAHA I'M THE MOST POWERFUL AGAIN!"
"Think again," said Kunzite.
He dethroned Beryl and took his rightful position as king of the Negaverse.
Metalia wasn't too thrilled, so he threw her vessel into the ocean.
With no drive for the Silver Crystal or energy anymore, they had to let Jadeite go.
He found work elsewhere.
Beryl retreated to the city where she got a job at a local coffee shop and lived in a nice one room apartment.
Nephrite was never seen or heard from again.
Zoisite finally accepted that Kunzite didn't like Beryl more since he threw her away like garbage.
Also, Kunzite was so mad that he killed Mamoru. He put his carcass outside the Negaverse like a flag, and they were never bothered again.
FIN
