"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Hrm, let me spin my wheel of responses," replied Beryl.

She spun her wheel. "Oh boy, my favorite! Jadeite, you're a big loser and a failure! Sleep forever!"

Jadeite narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm disappointed in you."

Jadeite tilted his head to the side. "Well then. I see how it is."

Beryl readied her eternal sleep attack, but Jed had already stormed off.

"How rude," thought Jadeite. "I may be the lowest ranking, but I still have my dignity!"

That night, Jadeite returned with a bucket of paint and a spray can.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed out loud. "Beryl will pay for her disrespect! MWAHAHA!"


The next day…

Beryl entered her throne room.

"JADDEEEEIIIITE!" she howled.

"Yes, My Queen?" asked Jadeite nervously.

"What is the meaning of this?"

"Huh?!" asked Jadeite in fake surprise.

"Jadeite, my whole room has been graffiti-ed!"

"Oh wow, I hadn't noticed. But now that you mention it, that's crazy!"

Jadeite turned around and started giggling maniacally to himself.

"Hey McB!" said Zoisite, teleporting in. "Wowee, what happened to your room? Looks like we have a prankster on our hands!"

Queen Beryl looked closely at Zoisite. "Zoisite, what's that paint all over you?"

"Huh, this?" asked Zoisite. "I was just painting my house."

"Were you now?" asked Beryl.

"Oh no!" thought Jed. "Zoisite's going to get blamed for my actions! Oh well, there's nothing I can do now!"

"Beryl, if you want you can come over and see the fresh paint for yourself!" insisted Zoisite. "Wait, no you can't."

"WHY NOT?!" screamed Beryl.

"Umm… come on, you don't need to! Don't you trust me, the loveable Zoisite?!"

"No," said Beryl. "Let me take a look at this alleged 'fresh paint,' or you will sleep forever."

"Uh oh," thought Zoisite, reluctantly taking Beryl to his house.

Jed tagged along. He wanted to be there for Zoisite's final moments.

"Hey Zoisite," called Kunzite. "Finished with that hag Beryl yet?"

"WELL ACTUALLY," said Zoisite loudly. "I unwillingly brought some guests home!"

"Oh god, please tell me it's not that pile of rubbish Jadeite! I hate him so much!"

"WELL ACTUALLY," said Zoisite.

Kunzite walked in the room. "OH, MY BEAUTIFUL QUEEN! What brings you to my house?!"

"I'm coming to see if I need to kill Zoisite," explained Beryl. "Step aside."

Beryl continued through the house.

"Now if you look to your left," said Zoisite. "You'll see the wall I was working on."

"Huh, well look at that!" said Beryl. "Hey, what's in this room?"

"NOTHING!" screamed Zoisite and Kunzite. "Don't go in there!"

Beryl went in there.

Inside the room was a giant dart board of Beryl's face. There was also a Beryl voodoo doll, and a large Beryl punching bag. The ceiling was a huge mural of Kunzite and Zoisite getting married on Beryl's corpse.

"Wowee!" said Jadeite. "You guys are great interior designers!"

Beryl said nothing. She silently left the room and went back to her throne.

"Gee, I hope Beryl's not going to take this out on us in the future," said Kunzite.

Suddenly he a got a text. "Kunzite, I suddenly have an important job for you to do. I dropped a hair in the garbage and I need it back. And also, I dropped a hay in a needle stack, and I need Zoisite to get that for me."

"Those are some strange orders," said Kunzite. "Do you think she's mad?"

"Kunzite, why'd you call me rubbish?" asked Jadeite.

"Because you are," said Kunzite.

"Aww man," said Jed. He went back to Beryl so he could make sure he wasn't about to get discovered.

"Hmm," said Beryl. "It's strange. I thought for sure that Zoisite was the one who did the graffiti. Who else has a grudge against me that would have done this?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure!" said Jed. "There's always that Nephrite guy, and maybe Kunzite!"

"No, no," said Beryl. "Only a complete idiot would write 'Beryl iz 4 chumps!' They're way too smart for something like that!"

"I don't know!" said Jadeite. "Maybe that's what they wanted you to think!"

"Oh wait!" realized Beryl. "Why am I sitting here on a wild goose chase when I could just check the security cams?"

"Hahaha, you could always just… wait a second!" cried Jed. "Security cams!? Since when did you have those?!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Jed!" laughed Beryl. "You installed them yourself! You said it would help me catch one of those other idiots doing something destructive!"

"Heh heh," recalled Jadeite. "Now that you mention it that does sound familiar. But I don't think it's a good idea to check them! I probably installed them wrong!"

"Nonsense," said Beryl. "You're not completely incompetent. Actually, scratch that. But there's no harm in checking the tapes."

Jadeite made peace with the world as Beryl turned on the tapes.

"I've had a long life," he tried to convince himself. "I accomplished a lot… well…"

"Hmm," said Beryl. "It appears these tapes are too dark to make out who that was."

"PHEW!" screamed Jadeite.

"Did you just say 'phew' out loud?" asked Beryl.

"No ma'am!" said Jed.

"Wait, he's stepping into the light for a second..!"

"Uh oh," said Jed.

"Oh my, he's wearing a Shitennou uniform! But I still can't make out his face! This still narrows it down a lot, though…"

"I knew it was Nephrite!" cried Jadeite.

"Wait a second," said Beryl. "It looks like he left a paint bucket! I'll just scan that for fingerprints, and we'll have our culprit!"

"I HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM!" screamed Jadeite. He fled from the room.

He paced around the handicap stall. "This is not good!"

Then he remembered something. "Wait, I wear gloves! HAHA! There won't be any fingerprints! Wait a second…"


Last night…

"Wowee, this paint sure is messy! I don't want to get any on my fresh white gloves, so I'll take them off for now and put them back on when I'm done!" thought Jadeite.


"Oh boy," said Jadeite in present. "I need to retrieve that bucket!"

He creeped out of the bathroom and headed towards Beryl's throne room. He spotted the bucket and lunged for it.

"I've got it!" he screamed.

"Very good," said Beryl. "Hand it over!"

"NO!" cried Jadeite.

"Huh?" asked Beryl. "Why not?"

"I'll… I'll… "

"OOPS!" cried Jadeite. He threw himself on the floor, and tossed the bucket into the abyss.

"Ah darn, I always trip up at the worst times!"

"Dammit Jadeite, what have you done!?" yelled Beryl. "Now we'll never find out who did it!"

"Darn!" said Jed. "You win some, you lose some."

He lifted himself off the ground, but something fell out of his pocket.

It was a spray bottle covered in paint.

"Hmm, that's odd," said Beryl.

"Oops, I was holding that for a friend!"

Jadeite kicked it into the abyss.

"That didn't look like an accident," said Beryl.

"Hey!" said Nephrite suddenly. "I was taking the scenic route through the abyss to get to the Negaverse, and this just hit me on the head!"

He handed Beryl the spray can.

Beryl examined it closely, and identified Jadeite's fingerprints all over it.

"I was just using that to fix up some patches on my car," explained Jadeite.

"You don't have a car," said Nephrite.

"Then on your car!" screamed Jadeite.

"My car's not purple," said Nephrite.

"Hey, purple's the same color that the person used to spray paint my throne room!"

Nephrite and Queen Beryl looked at Jed.

Jadeite made a break for it.

He leapt into the abyss, but Beryl caught him by the foot and reeled him back in.

"Jadeite, what is the meaning of this?!"

Jadeite knew he was going out, so he threw a punch, and socked Beryl right in the face.

He realized this was his last chance, and threw everything he had at Beryl. But when the smoke cleared, Beryl was still standing.

There was smoke coming out of her ears.

She charged Jadeite like bullet, and Jadeite didn't have time to think.

Queen Beryl pummeled him until he was a pile of ashes. She then put the ashes back together and backhanded Jadeite across the room.

"You will pay!" she howled.

"Fair enough," sighed Jadeite. He pulled out a pillow. "I'm ready for my eternal sleep!"

"Nope," said Beryl. "You will have to clean all the spray paint off the wall!"

"That's all?" asked Jadeite.

"Did you notice what kind of spray paint you used?"

Jadeite looked at the bottle. "Non-removable titanium-strength spray paint."

"Just give me an eternal sleep!" begged Jed.

"Nah, get to work, lacky!"

"Hahahahahahaha have fun!" laughed Nephrite.

"Whelp, looks like I dun got myself in another twister!" chuckled Jadeite.

He got to work.


Kunzite rustled angrily through the same bag of trash for the 20th time. "I'm starting to think there is no hair in this trash!"

"Hahahaha," laughed Zoisite. "You actually followed your order?"

"Zoisite," said Beryl's hologram head. "Did you find that hay yet?"

"Yes," said Zoisite. He spawned a hay.

"LIAR! THERE WAS NO HAY!" screamed Beryl.

"Uh oh," said Zoisite.

FIN