"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"?Que?" replied Queen Beryl.
"B-b-b-b-b-Beryl?" asked Jadeite.
"!Si!" replied Beryl.
"Beryl, why are you speaking Spanish? You're spookin' me!" exclaimed Jadeite.
"Tu eres estupido," Beryl replied.
"Hold on," said Jed. "Let me consult my Spanish dictionary."
He searched for the word for 20 minutes, then finally found it. "Alright, let's see. E-stupid-o. It means… HEY!"
"Haha," said Beryl. "Dumbass."
"Wowee, I'm just glad you're okay," said Jadeite. "Sometimes when people get possessed they suddenly know other languages!"
"I don't think so," said Beryl.
Just then, the castle doors burst open, and Grandpa trotted in like a horse.
"Ego malo! Ego enim sum senex magno animo. Et locusta, aliquando conversus in a!" hollered Grandpa.
"Oh no!" cried Jed. "I think he's possessed!"
Grandpa climbed up the wall and onto the ceiling. His head did a 360 and then a reverse 360.
Beryl flew up to the ceiling, and swatted him like a fly.
"Alright, alright!" said Grandpa. "You got me! But next time I'll bring my A game!"
Grandpa left.
"See, Jadeite?" said Beryl. "He's not possessed, he's just senile!"
"Ahh, I see!" said Jadeite. "So that's what was wrong with you, right?"
Queen Beryl put Jadeite to sleep.
"Good night," said Jed. "Thanks for tucking me in."
"No problem," said Beryl. "Be sure to drink your warm milk."
Beryl left Jadeite's room and headed down the hall.
While wondering through the dimly lit corridors, she bumped into Zoisite.
"Oh hey Zoisite," said Beryl.
Zoisite took a defensive stance.
"Zoisite, be sure to turn off the boiler downstairs," she said as she walked by.
"But why do I have to!?" whined Zoisite. "Just because I was at the wrong place at the wrong time?"
"Jadeite is out on the field failing to get energy. Did you really thing you would just do nothing during this period?"
"Kinda," said Zoisite. "I considered it like a paid vacation, but without pay."
"Ridiculous!" howled Beryl. "You have to do some work if you want to keep living in my Negaverse!"
"Well actually," said Zoisite. "Queen Metalia is the Negaverse."
"No," said Beryl. "She's the Negaforce!"
"Huh?" asked Zoisite.
"GET BACK TO WORK!" barked Beryl.
She continued the long trek back to her throne.
She passed Nephrite, who was at the soda machine.
"Damn," said Nephrite. "I sure hang out here a lot!"
"Nephrite," said Beryl.
Nephrite jumped back in shock. "Beryl, you can walk?!"
"Can it," said Beryl. "You're lucky you don't live in my Negaverse."
"Why would I want to?" asked Nephrite.
"Good question," agreed Beryl. "Only a complete bozo would live here."
"Zoisite, what are you doing?" asked Kunzite.
"No!" cried Zoisite. "You walked in front of my fruit bowl and caused me to miscolor my orange!"
"You're painting a fruit bowl?" Kunzite asked.
"Yes, but now I'm not because it's ruined. It was good while it lasted though."
Zoisite admired his painting. "Mmmmm."
"Yes, well, maybe you should go turn off that boiler like Beryl told you to. Since you're not really doing anything."
"Don't be so dense," said Zoisite. "I'll get around to it. Eventually… Hey, did you check the mail today?"
"No," said Kunzite. "We don't get much mail here in the Negaverse. We used to have a mailman Youma but Jadeite got him killed, along with the rest of the Youmas."
"Wow he's incompetent," said Zoisite. "If I had his job I'd do everything right!"
"Yeah," agreed Kunzite. "I hope by the time it's your turn we're still collecting energy."
"If Nephrite's next we probably will be," said Zoisite. "Anyway, I'm gonna go check to see if my mini drone came in the mail today."
"K," said Kunzite.
Zoisite stepped outside.
"This would be a nice place to live if Beryl's property tax wasn't so high. Yeah, and she also makes me do chores! Like turning off that one thing in that place! That I'll get around to eventually!"
"Hey, good coincidence!" called a voice.
Zoisite spun around.
"Hey there," said Motoki. He jogged over in a sweat.
"What the Hell?" asked Zoisite.
"Man, it sure is hot today," said Motoki, wiping the sweat off his forehead.
"How did you get in the Negaverse?" demanded Zoisite. "Again!? What do you want?!"
"I can't remember," said Motoki. "But while I'm here, I've got your package!"
"Oh boy thanks! Want to come fly this drone with me?"
"Nah, I've got to finish my route," said Motoki. "Catch ya on the flip side!"
He hopped off the castle platform and into the abyss.
"Strange guy," said Zoisite.
He summoned a crystal to open the box and then unpackaged the drone.
"KUNZITE! GET OUT HERE!" he called.
"Oh hey Zoisite, did you finish with that boiler?"
"Can it," said Zoisite. "You ready to see the most amazing thing ever?"
"Is it the Silver Imperium Crystal?" asked Kunzite, his face glowing. "Or the Moon Princess?!"
"Even better!" said Zoisite.
"NO!" cried Kunzite.
"It's a drone, that I can fly with this remote! It's so futuristic!"
"Can't we just levitate things with our powers?" Kunzite asked.
"Only a stronger one can do such things," said Zoisite. "Now watch!"
Zoisite flew the drone up in the air. Then he flew it a couple feet ahead.
"Not too shabby," said Kunzite, nodding.
However, it came with nearly dead cheapo batteries, and they died instantly.
The drone fell into the void.
"NO!" cried Zoisite. He dived in after it, but Kunzite grabbed his foot.
"Hey, stop that!" exclaimed Kunzite. "You don't know what lies down there!"
"The mailman," stated Zoisite.
He sighed. "So now that that's gone, what should I do?"
Kunzite opened his mouth "Bo-"
"Bouncy castle?!" hollered Zoisite. "Let's buy one!"
"Where would we put it?" Kunzite asked.
Zoisite gasped as an idea dawned on him. "At the bottom of the void! We could jump off the cliff and land on it!"
"I don't think there is a bottom to the void," said Kunzite.
Zoisite pouted. "Why don't you just make a new platform?"
"I can't do that," said Kunzite.
"That's odd," said Zoisite. "Because Nephrite built a mountain."
"Of course I can build a platform!" cried Kunzite. "I'll make one ten times bigger than Nephrite's mountain!"
Kunzite spawned a huge platform, even bigger than the original.
"Wowee!" said Zoisite. "That's pretty big for a bounce house!"
"Umm… yea," said Kunzite, exhausted. "I gotta go take a nap. Don't forget that boiler."
"Yea, yea," said Zoisite ignoring him.
Zoisite flew over to the new platform and put a bouncy castle down.
"Mmm…" he said.
But all around the bouncy castle was empty space.
"This will never do," he decided.
He went to the Nega-computer lab and pulled out Kunzite's credit card.
He went on Ebay and searched up "amusement park."
"Aha!" he said. "An actual sized Ferris wheel for only $50,000! eZ!"
Next he searched up "roller coaster."
Zoisite paced around outside. "I paid double for overnight delivery, when's it gonna get here?!"
Just then, he spotted a figure in the distance.
"Oh boy oh boy oh boy!" said Zoisite, hopping up and down giddily.
As the figure approached, Zoisite could see it was the mailman, Motoki, wrapped in chains and hauling the roller coaster on his back.
"Here's….. you're…. package!" he panted.
"Thanks!" said Zoisite.
"Sign here," coughed Motoki.
Zoisite signed Kunzite's name.
"Alright, now for my Ferris wheel!" said Zoisite. "And the rest of the amusement park!"
"They're…. in my van…." sputtered Motoki.
"How far away did you park?"
"Well," said Motoki. "I didn't have the change to pay the meter, so I had to park outside. I'll be back in a jiff."
20 days later, Motoki hauled the last piece of the amusement park in.
"Where do you want the ring toss?" he asked.
"I bought a ring toss?" asked Zoisite. "But there's no room left in the 500 acre land! Just throw it out!"
"I can't," said Motoki.
"Fine," said Zoisite. "Just try to squeeze it between the hotdog stand and the frog toss game."
Motoki got it in.
"Good job," said Zoisite.
Motoki stuck his hand out for a tip.
Zoisite didn't move and Motoki waited patiently.
Five minutes later, Zoisite realized what the gesture meant. "Oh," said Zoisite. "You want a tip. Let me see what I can muster up…"
He took out Kunzite's wallet. He reached inside and scavenged for change. He pulled out a couple nickels and a quarter.
"Here you go," said Zoisite. "All yours, keep the change!"
Motoki laid down and died.
"Cool!" said Zoisite. "Now I have someone to work the dunk tank!"
Zoisite flew back into the distance to admire his work.
"Mmmmmmm," he said. "Now what should I name my new amusement park? Negaland?"
Jadeite got home from another failed energy mission and pulled out a can of lemonade.
"Mmm, canned lemonade," he said, drinking away his problems. But for once, the lemonade was not enough.
"D'ah," he said. "I still feel kind of lousy. If only there was something to raise my spirits."
"Knock knock," said someone outside.
"Uh oh," said Jadeite. "Not the tax collectors!"
He put on his hat and packed his suitcase, ready to leave, when Zoisite opened the door.
"Oh, it's just you, Zoisite," said Jed. "Are you here to get my taxes?"
"No," said Zoisite. "I'm here to invite you to my new amusement park, Mamoru Chiba Should Drop Dead Land!"
"AN AMUSEMENT PARK!?" howled Jadeite. "OMG! BUT HOW DID YOU AFFORD THAT?!"
"It was easy, once I used Kunzite's credit card. Let's just say we're 9999999999 negabucks in debt."
"Wowee!" said Jadeite. "That's almost as in debt as I get from each of my schemes! Like that boat one!"
"Are you coming or what?"
"Yeah yeah yeah!" exclaimed Jadeite.
"Hop on the trolley," said Zoisite.
Jed leapt on.
"Hey," said Grandpa who was also sitting on there.
Jadeite scooted away from him, but Grandpa only slid closer.
Finally the flying trolley landed at the amusement park.
"So this is what an amusement park looks like?" shouted Jadeite. "I've never been to one!"
"Are you sure?" asked Zoisite. "Didn't you have a failed energy scheme at one before?"
"Don't be ridiculous," lied Jed. "This is a dream come true!"
He sped into the park, leaving Grandpa and his advances in the dust.
"Hey, you! Scrawny kid! Don't you wanna come over here and test your strength?"
"How dare you!" exclaimed Jadeite. "I'm the strongest person in the Negaverse, I'll show you!"
He walked over to the Test-Your-Strength to see Zoisite with a mustache and a barker hat.
"I know you from somewhere," vowed Jed.
"It's easy," said Zoisite, ignoring him. He lightly tapped the hammer down and the meter flew up to the top. "See? Piece of cake!"
He tossed Jed the hammer.
"If you get it even half that high, you win this huge stuffed banana!"
"OH BOY OH BOY!" said Jed. "I've always wanted a huge stuffed banana!"
He swung down the hammer with all his force. But the meter only went up to Jadeite/Zoisite level strength.
"What gives?!" cried Jadeite. "I hit that hard enough to get it up to Nephrite level, or even Kunzite level! Or even 50% Metalia level!"
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," said Zoisite. "You're probably just a weakling."
"But you're a weakling too!" exclaimed Jed.
"Me? I've never met you before!"
"Oh, right," remembered Jadeite. He paid the ten bucks for another try.
That time he did worse and landed on Mamoru level. "NO!" he cried.
"Aww, looks like you're out of luck."
Jadeite's ego was crushed.
"If you want to win something so badly, you should try out the balloon dart game," suggested Zoisite.
"Good idea!" said Jed.
He walked over, and Zoisite popped out from behind the counter in cowboy garb.
"Howdy partner, you want try yer hand at balloon darts?"
"Weren't you just over there?" Jadeite asked.
"Don't be ridiculous," said Zoisite. "Now here's the game. You get five darts for 20 dollars each, and you just have to hit a single balloon to win this giant Tuxedo Mask plush."
"Hmm," said Jadeite. "I don't want the plush but I want the redemption."
He forked over a hundred bucks.
"This place will pay for itself in no time," laughed Zoisite to himself.
Jadeite tossed the first dart with all his strength. But halfway through the air, it suddenly dropped to the floor.
"HUH!?" cried Jadeite.
Zoisite looked down at the huge magnet he was standing on. "Hmm," he said to Jadeite. "That's strange, you must have goofed. Try again!"
"I will!" said Jed.
All his darts flew to the floor.
"Hmm, that's too bad," said Zoisite. "Want another five?"
"No, that's too expensive!" Jadeite exclaimed. "What kind of rip-off is this place?!"
"Alright, alright. How about just for you I offer a special deal? 3 darts for 30 dollars each!"
"Wowee!" said Jadeite. "That saves me ten dollars! Wait a second!"
Zoisite took the money out of his hands, and tossed him three darts. "You can do it, slugger."
Jadeite threw the first one and the same thing happened. "Alright," said Jed. "I'm not doing this anymore."
"You already paid for the other two darts," said Zoisite.
"You can keep your darts and you can keep your balloons!"
Jed stormed off without throwing the last two darts he paid for.
Jadeite was determined to win one game.
He wondered around for a while looking for the perfect one.
"You know, there's not a lot of people in this amusement park," he pondered.
"Hey there!" called Zoisite in a clown costume. "Want to have a go at firing this water gun at this clown head here? All you have to do is keep firing at the target until the ball gets to the top, and you win!"
"That sounds easy enough," said Jed. "But wait, doesn't there need to be someone to compete against?"
"Hold that thought," said Zoisite, ducking below the counter.
"Hey there," said Zoisite coming up from behind Jadeite in a propeller cap. He had a lollipop in his hand. "I'll be your opponent."
"Oh boy," said Jed. "Just when I thought there were only two people at this park!"
The game began, and Jadeite fired his water gun. It only fired about three inches, and it didn't go any further.
Meanwhile, Zoisite's gun shot directly on the target.
"Hey!" called Jed. "My gun doesn't work! Where's that worker, I want my money back!"
Zoisite ducked under the counter while his gun continued to fire directly at the target. "Sorry," he said. "No refunds. Just keep trying, or that kid will win!"
Jadeite turned and Zoisite was sitting next to him again. He was still wearing the clown costume, and quickly switched out.
"Na na na boo boo!" said Zoisite as he won.
Zoisite handed himself a giant stuffed Tuxedo Mask.
"Wowee, thanks!" said Zoisite, who was now in both the clown suit and propeller hat.
Propeller hat Zoisite stuck his tongue out at Jadeite and hugged the stuffed animal.
He then ran off, and when he got out of Jed's viewing distance, the clown popped up from behind the counter again.
"Aww, that's too bad," said Zoisite. "Wanna try again?"
"Hmm, ok!" said Jadeite. He forked over another $200. "But I'm going to use this gun!" he said, pointing to the functioning gun.
"Uh oh," said Zoisite.
Jadeite smirked, and knew he had bested Zoisite this round.
"Hold on one second," said Zoisite.
Jadeite turned around, and behind him was Zoisite in a little girl's wig.
"Hi there! Can I play?"
"Sure cutie," said Jadeite.
"Hey, none of that," said Zoisite. "I'm 12 years old."
"I'm sorry," said Jed.
Zoisite hopped on the seat. "Uh oh! My daddy didn't give me enough money for this game, but I really wanted to play! Can I have 150 dollars?"
"Sure," said Jed tossing over the money.
"Thanks kind young sir! Now let's play!"
Zoisite just put the money in his pocket.
Jadeite turned on his gun. But nothing came out. "HEY! WHAT GIVES?!"
Zoisite fired his gun in a straight line and the ball instantly rose to the top.
"HEY, WHAT?! How come when I used that gun it didn't work?!"
Zoisite walked behind the booth. "Maybe you're just bad."
"That's not very nice, little girl!"
"Oops." Zoisite switched to the propeller hat.
"Hey little kid, you just beat me and ran off!"
"Oops," said Zoisite again, finally putting on the right outfit.
"Hey, you're back," said Jed. "While you were gone, I tried using this gun, see, and-"
"Sorry kid, we're closed."
"Drat!" cried Jadeite.
Jadeite went to ride one of the rides.
But Zoisite appeared in front of him. "Sorry, the whole park's closing, not just that booth."
"Which booth?" asked Jadeite.
"The one you were just at."
"Are you stalking me!?" cried Jadeite. "Where'd you come from anyway? Your employees have been scamming me all night, and-"
"You're gonna have to leave," said Zoisite. "But wait, there's one thing still open!"
"What is it?" asked Jed.
"The food stand," said Zoisite.
"YUM!" exclaimed Jadeite. "I haven't eaten all week!"
Jed ran up to the hot dog stand. He read the menu.
"1 hot dag - $400
1 hot dag w/ cheese - $500
1 funnel cake - $900
Tap water - $40
Lemun Aid - $20
Will add more items later
Oh and snow cones - $80."
"Pardon me," said Zoisite walking by. He walked up and crossed out the $80 and put $100.
"Hey!" said Jadeite. "This is a rip off!"
"Are you going to eat something or not?" asked Zoisite.
"I'll order one 'hot dag'," said Jadeite.
"Hot dag?" asked Zoisite.
"Yes," said Jadeite. "That's what it says on the menu."
"Oops," said Zoisite. He was going to fix the sign, but then he decided he could use this to his advantage.
He searched for something and found a napkin.
He passed it to Jed.
"What is this?" demanded Jed. "This is no hot dog!"
"Yes," agreed Zoisite. "This is a hot dag!"
"HEY!" howled Jadeite.
"Sorry, we're closed," said Zoisite, throwing Jadeite off the platform.
He counted his bills. "Mmmm… this definitely covers some of that debt, and this is just the first day! Tomorrow is Nephrite, I can't wait! And then, Jadeite again! And then after that, I can even scam Beryl! Wait a second," thought Zoisite. "Speaking of Beryl, didn't she want me to do something 20 days ago?"
Zoisite sprinted towards the boiler room in a mad dash.
On his way down the hall, he passed the soda machine, and then he knew he was done for.
Nephrite stepped in his way. "Hey Zoisite, buddy! Look, I've been meaning to talk to you, and-"
"That's great," said Zoisite, in hot sweat. "Can you make it quick though? I have something I have to do."
"Yeah, yeah," said Nephrite. "So anyway, remember that time you killed me? I decided that maybe I'll forgive you for that since it's been a couple years, but in order to do so, I must share my feelings on the matter. Firstly, I believe-"
Zoisite couldn't take it anymore and threw Nephrite into the soda machine and ran off.
"No!" cried Nephrite. "I will ruin you, Zoisite!" he howled.
Zoisite continued to sprint down the hall. "Come on, no more distractions!"
"Hey there," said Motoki, appearing in a flash.
"AH!" screamed Zoisite.
"You forgot to sign for that teacup ride," said Motoki.
Zoisite ran through Motoki like a door.
"Hey, come back!" he called. He ran after Zoisite but he couldn't keep up.
Zoisite sprinted faster. "Almost there…"
"Zoisite!" yelled Jadeite, jumping in the way. "You know, I just realized you were all the people working at the amusement park! And even that kid with that propeller hat, and that cute little twelve-year-old girl!"
Zoisite didn't have time for this, and threw a wild punch Jadeite's way.
But Jadeite caught it, and stopped Zoisite in his path.
"Shit!" cried Zoisite. "That Jadeite's a strong one!"
Zoisite tried to step to the right, but Jadeite did to.
"Face me, you coward!" yelled Jadeite.
Zoisite decided to go all out and threw a barrage of blows.
But Jadeite kept up surprisingly well.
"Crap!" said Zoisite. "He really is strong! I forgot I'm around his power level. Probably lower because he defeated Mamoru in a contest of brute strength. But even though Mamoru was stronger than me, I could take him out with my wits!"
That's when Zoisite got an idea. He spawned a crystal behind Jed, and sent it flying at him.
"Jed, don't turn around," said Zoisite.
Jed turned around and got impaled.
"Haha," said Zoisite, leaping over him.
"NO!" cried Jadeite.
Zoisite reached the boiler room and threw open the door.
The boiler was eight times its regular size, and a shade of hot red. It was about to burst. The pointer on the danger meter was hanging off the actual meter.
"Uh oh," said Zoisite. "How do I turn this thing off?!"
Zoisite went to turn the wheel, but it was burning hot. "YOUCH!" he yelled. He blew on his hands. "It's too hot to touch even with gloves, and these gloves are made out of polyester and steel!"
Queen Beryl opened the door. "Zoisite, I've been looking for- WOAH!"
Beryl fell back on the floor and her whole backside was burnt to a crisp.
She leapt to her feet. "ZOIIIIIIIIIIIISIIIIIIIIIIIITE! DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO TURN THIS OFF WEEKS AGO?!"
"Yeah, you might want to hover," suggested Zoisite. "You don't even have feet anymore, they burnt off."
"NO!" exclaimed Beryl. "I'll have to stay in my throne all day!"
"I mean, that's not that big of a change," considered Zoisite.
"Hey wait a second, Zoisite, turn the boiler off now!"
"But it's hooooot," whined Zoisite.
"ZOISITE!"
"Hey, by the way, did you hear I built an amusement park? It's really awesome and I spent a long time on it!"
"NOW!" shouted Beryl.
"It's called Mamoru Chiba Should-" Zoisite stopped himself. "Should… Should Marry Beryl, and-"
"NOOOOW!" howled Beryl.
"Alright, alright," said Zoisite reaching for the nob.
Jadeite ran into the room.
"Zoisite, I'm not finished with you yet!"
"I don't have time to play around, Jadeite! I have to turn off this boiler!"
Just then, the danger meter on the boiler cracked, and steam came rushing out.
"TURN IT OFF!" screeched Beryl.
Zoisite reached for the handle, but his phone beeped.
"A text?" he asked. He opened it up. It was from Kunzite.
"R u busy?" read the text.
"Know," typed Zoisite. "Wait, wrong 'No.'"
Zoisite was still poking each key with his finger really slowly with one hand.
"I'm still new to this whole iPhone thing," he explained to Beryl and Jadeite.
Beryl charged Zoisite, but before Beryl reached Zoisite the boiler exploded.
"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" yelled Beryl, but it was drowned out by the sound of the explosion.
The explosion spread through the whole Negaverse.
Nephrite saw the flames quickly approaching him. He went to teleport away, but then he saw the soda machine.
He leapt on it. "I can't leave you!" he yelled.
Kunzite was flipping through his newspaper. "When's Zoisite gonna text me back?" he wondered.
Suddenly his whole castle exploded.
Mamoru Chiba was sleeping on Metalia's brain-washing bed.
He heard a rumbling, and took off towards the exit portal.
"No!" yelled Metalia. "Take me with you!"
"Sorry," said Mamoru. "My hands are tied."
Mamoru was the only one close enough to the exit portal to escape.
He fell out on the snow, and watched as inside the portal everything blew up.
Nothing was left of the Negaverse but a pile of ashes.
"RIP," said Mamoru. "I'll just tell the Sailor Scouts that I caused that."
He walked off into the sunlight.
The Shitennou, Beryl, and Metalia awoke in Hell.
"Every time," said Jadeite.
Beryl turned to Zoisite with an angry glare.
"D'ah," said Zoisite. "At least I made some quick bucks on that amusement park before it blew up. Another easy scheme like that and I'll repay that credit card debt in no time!"
"What credit card debt?" asked Kunzite.
"Uh oh," said Zoisite.
"You also have to pay for the damage done to the Negaverse," said Beryl.
"Mmmm, how much will that cost?" asked Zoisite taking out his check book.
"99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999.99 Negabucks."
"D'ah," said Zoisite. "Jadeite, wanna buy a hot dag?"
Motoki ascended to Heaven because he had been burnt to a crisp in the explosion as well. "Weeeeee," he said.
But suddenly he dropped down like Zoisite's darts into Hell. "D'ah," he said. "I knew I shouldn't have asked for a tip."
FIN
