"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

Queen Beryl ignored him.

"Queen Beryl!" repeated Jadeite.

"Kunzite!" yelled Beryl. "How did you let this happen!?"

"I'm sorry, my queen, I will dispose of Jadeite this instant."

"Not that!" shouted Beryl. "How did you let Mamoru get healed a THIRD time?! This is why I wasn't able to defeat Sailor Moon when she was in my lair! I had no energy for an eternal sleep attack. That second hypnotism really took the last of our energy!"

"I understand how you feel," said Kunzite. "But with all due respect, Mamoru is a huge douche. And he constantly bullies me!"

"Do you think I care about you?" asked Beryl.

"I like to, yes."

"Well you're wrong, buster," said Beryl. "The only thing I care about is Endymion marrying me! I couldn't care less if all four of you dropped dead!"

"Those are harsh words, m'queen," said Kunzite.

"Oh, is that why you killed two of us, and didn't even bat an eye?" asked Jadeite.

Beryl continued to ignore him.

"Whelp, there goes that energy," said Kunzite solemnly. "Good luck though, maybe third time will be the charge and the brainwashing will actually be successful."

"I really hope so," said Beryl. "I don't know how many more of these we can handle. I had to take out a huge energy loan from the bank, and I still haven't paid it back yet."

"I can getcha some energy," offered Jadeite.

Beryl continued to ignore him.

Jadeite snapped, and threw a punch at Beryl.

Beryl pretended she didn't feel anything, despite him actually having landed a critical hit.

"Kunzite, did I just get bit by a mosquito?" she asked.

"You could say that," said Kunzite.

"Kunzite!" yelled Jadeite. "Who's side are you on!? Tell Beryl-senpai to notice me!"

Kunzite ignored him.

Jadeite stormed off.

Beryl let out a hardy laugh. "Good job, Kunzite."

"Hmm," said Kunzite, still hurt by Beryl's previous comments.

"Now Kunzite, get me my first aid kit. I could die any second, that was a devastating blow."

Kunzite left to grab the kit.

"Oh, and Kunzite! Be sure to turn off Mamoru's brainwashing pod in a couple days. Don't forget!"

"Yeah yeah," said Kunzite.

Kunzite dialed Zoisite's number. "Hey, be sure to turn off Mamoru's brainwashing pod in a couple days."

"Why do I have to?" asked Zoisite.

"Beryl ordered you to."

"D'ah, okay. You can count on me! I won't let you down like that boiler incident!"


Two months later…

Zoisite was reading through the newest fashion magazine.

"Mmm…" he said. "OH CRAP!"

He dashed to Mamoru's hypnotizing pod. But all that was there was a pile of ashes.

"NO!" exclaimed Zoisite. "Mamoru was burnt to a crisp! Queen Beryl's not going to like this!"

"Like what?" asked Beryl. "Say, have you seen Mamoru?"

"Umm…"

Zoisite wiped the ashes off the table.

"No, I haven't seen him since I turned off his pod a couple months ago! He must have wandered away!"

"That's strange," said Beryl. "He didn't have any clothes on."

"Yeah, about that," began Zoisite. "Why was that necessary?"

"You'll learn when you get older," said Beryl.

"Hmm," said Zoisite. "So umm… I better be going now…"

"Wait, Zoisite," said Beryl.

Zoisite stopped in his tracks and turned around. "Yes, my queen?" he said breaking into a sweat.

"Did you do something with your hair?" Beryl asked.

"No, my queen," said Zoisite.

"Mmm," said Beryl. "It looks better today."

"…Thanks!" said Zoisite, taking off in a mad sprint.

He bumped into some Arabian looking guy.

"Huh?" asked Zoisite. "Are you the Sheik of Baghdad?"

"I am the Moonlight Knight!"

He ripped off his face mask, revealing the face of none other than Mamoru Chiba.

"Mamoru?!" cried Zoisite. "You've converted to Islam?"

"Huh? I've never heard that name," said the Moonlight Knight.

"Wait a minute, Mamoru died! Are you a ghost?! Is that why you're wearing white?! Have you come to haunt me for killing you this time and that other time?!"

"At peace, civilian," said the Knight. "And put a burka on, you're dressed too immodestly."

"I'm a guy," said Zoisite.

"You've brought great shame to Islam," said the Moonlight Knight, shaking his head and walking away.

"That was weird," said Zoisite. He debated on telling Beryl, but decided it would be best not to.


Jed heard a knock on his wall.

He opened up the dark space to let the visitor in.

"Heya, pal!" said Mamoru Chiba. He was in his iconic green sweater, black T-shirt, and light purple pants get-up.

"Hey Mamoru!" said Jadeite. "Wait a second… Why are you a human again? Did the bank repossess Beryl's energy mid-hypnosis?"

"Nah," said Mamoru. "I was just strolling through the neighborhood. Hey, do you wanna come get a bite at Crown Parlor?"

Jadeite didn't have any plans for the evening, but he had to play it cool. "Hmm, let me check my schedule…"

He opened his empty scheduling book. He scanned it for five minutes, and then closed it. "I think I can make some room," he said.

"Cool, catch ya on the flip side!"

Mamoru hopped on his motorcycle and road away.

"Huh," thought Jadeite. "I'm glad that guy finally came around."

He showed at Crown Parlor.

"Heya, Mamoru!" said Motoki. "Who's your friend?"

"Oh," said Mamoru. "This is just Jadeite. I know him from college."

"Hey, I'm in your college! How come I've never seen him before?" Motoki asked.

"Dunno," shrugged Mamoru. "Maybe you just weren't paying attention."

"Yeah," agreed Jadeite. "Me and Mamoru met a couple years ago in biology class, and we've hit it off ever since!"

"I've always taken biology with Mamoru," said Motoki. "I've never seen you once."

"Yeah actually," said Mamoru. "I think it was history that you and I hit it off in, Jeddy!"

"Oh yeah!" recalled Jed. "Wait a minute, that never happened! Who are you, and what is your scheme?!"

"Scheme?" asked Mamoru. "I'm just trying to hang out with my two favorite guys!"

"You're up to something," promised Jed. He dashed from Crown Parlor without paying his bill.

"What's that guy's deal?" asked Mamoru. "He's acting strange. He's never been like this, and we've been friends for years!"


Nephrite was taking a peaceful stroll down the street with his gal Molly.

"Mmm," said Nephrite. "Nice night."

"Hoy agree!" agreed Molly.

"Honestly, I don't understand half the things you say," admitted Nephrite.

"Oy'ts oykay!" said Molly.

"I love you too," said Nephrite.

Suddenly, he saw a flower coming at him from a mile away.

"That's strange," he said.

Since it was a mile away and coming at a low velocity, Nephrite was already another mile away when the flower hit.

"Hey buddy, you wanna not throw those things at me?" he asked.

"What?!" cried Tuxedo Mask. "How did you get all the way over here, I just threw the rose!"

"Hahahaha," laughed Nephrite. "Missed by a mile. Literally!" he barked in his deep, booming, raspy voice.

"Oww," said Tuxedo Mask. "It's so deep and manly!"

"Yep," boomed Nephrite.

"So, you like picking on little girls, huh?" asked Tuxedo Mask.

Nephrite looked around, to see who he was talking to. "You talking to me?" he asked.

"Ye," said Tuxedo Mask. "Let's do this! Ready to buck horns?"

"Listen bud," said Nephrite. "We don't want this to get ugly, do we? We all know what happened with you v. Jadeite."

"What?!" exclaimed Tuxedo. "How did you know?!"

"Jadeite uploaded it to NegaTube! HAHAHAHA!"

"NO!" cried Tuxedo Mask. "That's it, I'll dispose of you like yesterday's rubbish!"

Nephrite laughed as Tuxedo Mask threw a devastating headbutt his way.

"Maxfoyld, NOI!" cried Molly. She jumped in front of him, but Nephrite pulled her out of the way.

"Why don't you head home, Molly? This could get pretty graphic!"

"K," said Molly. She went home.

"Bold words, coming from the Negaverse's weakest link!" mocked Tuxedo Mask.

"You couldn't even take Zoisite," Nephrite reminded him. "It was more or less an even fight."

"No, I wasn't on my A-game because of that shoulder wound!"

"I'm talking about the other twenty times," said Nephrite.

"Those were just filler fights!" said Tuxedo Mask. "They weren't in the manga!"

"Nothing was in the manga!" screamed Nephrite. "I had two pages, maybe three!"

"Haha," said Tuxedo Mask. "That shows how important I was in comparison."

Nephrite was starting to get mad, but he kept his cool.

"You know what else I heard?" said Tuxedo Mask. He was jumping from side to side, throwing punches in the air. "In the manga, you were weaker than Zoisite!"

"No!" cried Nephrite. "That's because we had no character development!"

"Save it for your funeral," said Tuxedo Mask.

"That makes no sense!" cried Nephrite.

Tuxedo Mask took this opportunity when Nephrite was distracted and charged.

He landed a direct blow to Nephrite's jawline.

It looked like it left a mark, but when Nephrite turned his head, he was unscathed.

"I'm giving you one last chance to skedaddle," said Nephrite.

"See ya later!" said Tuxedo Mask. "Until next time!"

"Goofball," said Nephrite.


Prince Endymion marched directly into Kunzite's castle.

"Oh you again," sneered Kunzite. "What do you want?"

"Sailor Moon is tougher than any she-lion," Prince Endymion stated.

Kunzite growled. He walked away to look at his picture of him and Zoisite.

"Mmm," said Kunzite. "I'm not quite sure who took this, but they got a good angle of both of us."

"Zoisite underestimated Sailor Moon, and look what happened to her," said Prince Endymion.

"I know what I'm DOING!" said Kunzite. "And I know you're just trying to push my buttons, but it's not going to work. Zoisite is alive now, you can't use him being dead against me!"

"Can't I?" said Prince Endymion. He pulled out a snapshot of Zoisite being killed by Beryl. "Brings back memories, doesn't it?"

"NO!" said Kunzite.

Kunzite charged up an energy blast. He wasn't going to take this abuse anymore. But then he spotted the huge poster hanging from his wall.

"Big Beryl is Always Watching," it read, and had a pair of Beryl's eyes. They narrowed at him.

Kunzite dropped the energy ball. "One of these days I'll be rid of you!"

"As if," scoffed Endymion. "Thanks for the popsicles," he said walking out.

"Popsicles?" questioned Kunzite to himself.

He checked his fridge. "NO!" he cried. "He took all the cherry ones! Zoisite's not gonna like this turn of events one bit!"


"WHYYYYYYYYYY?!" cried Zoisite. "Not only did he eat my popsicles, but he also went around as some sort of Muslim and said I was a disgrace to his kind!"

"Huh?" asked Kunzite. "When did this happen?"

"In the hall on the way here."

"That's odd," said Kunzite. "Mamoru was just here a few minutes ago as Prince Endymion."

"So he converted to Islam and then converted back in a matter of minutes?" wondered Zoisite.

"Something's amiss here," decided Kunzite.

They teleported to Jed.

Jadeite was playing the Sailor V game with Mamoru Chiba in green sweater and Motoki.

"Hey, Chiba!" yelled Kunzite. "You have some nerve, taking all our popsicles!"

"And calling me a disgrace to Islam!" added Zoisite.

"What are you nutbars talking about?" asked Mamoru. "And why are you not wearing human clothes to play at an arcade?"

"We're not here to play!" shouted Kunzite. "We're here to get our revenge!"

He picked up Mamoru by the shirt collar.

"Hey, watch it!" yelled Mamoru.

"GET YOUR HAND OFF HIM!" cried Motoki.

Zoisite shot a laser beam at Motoki, and he was no more.

"What's you guys' problem?" demanded Jadeite. "They haven't done anything wrong!"

Kunzite ignored him.

"STOP IT!" cried Jadeite. "They were just playing peacefully with me at the arcade and you come up and attack them, and kill my good pal Motoki!"

Zoisite wasn't in on the ignoring Jadeite game, so he responded. "Mamoru just came by our house to harass Kunzite, and he hurt Kunzite's feelings!"

"No he didn't!" lied Kunzite, who was still crying.

"…No," said Jadeite. "He's been right here for the last few hours playing games with me!"

Kunzite and Zoisite looked at each other confused.

Just then, Nephrite walked into the arcade.

"I thought I'd find you guys here," he said. "Has Mamoru been harassing you all too? I was just walking down the street with my gal when he threw a rose at me out of nowhere. It missed by a mile, but still. What's his game? I almost killed him, but I had mercy in his final moments."

"You guys are all out of your gourds," said Mamoru Chiba. "Is this the nutbar convention? Stop using me as a scapegoat, Negascum!"

"Wait," said Zoisite. "So you don't believe in the five pillars of Islam?"

"Not particularly," said Mamoru.

"Have you ever?"

"Nah, not really…"

"This proves it!" exclaimed Zoisite. "We must have a meeting at once!"


"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite.

Beryl didn't respond.

They waited.

"Beryl," said Nephrite.

"Yes, Nephrite?" asked Beryl.

"Hey!" said Jadeite. "What are you, deaf? Stupid idiot…"

"JAD-" began Beryl angrily. "Shit!" she cried.

"HAHA!" yelled Jadeite.

Beryl put him in an ice cube.

"Don't worry," she told the others. "He'll thaw out in a couple minutes."

"Darnit," said Kunzite. "Anyway, we have concluded that there are four separate forms of Mamoru Chiba running around rampant!"

"Wait, hang on," said Beryl, taking a deep breath. "You mean to tell me… there's FOUR Mamorus?!"

"Yes," said Kunzite slowly.

"HOT DOGGITY DOOGGITY!" howled Beryl at the top of her lungs. "DReaMS REALLY DO COME TRUE!"

She pulled out four Master Balls. "I gotta catch em' all!"

After dancing around the room for ten minutes while the Shitennou watched, Beryl calmed down a bit.

"Wait, why are there four though? Zoisite said when he turned off Mamoru's brainwash pod a couple of months ago that everything was fine!"

"Well actually," said Zoisite. "And you are gonna get a kick out of this!"

Beryl narrowed her eyes.

"I MAY have gotten just a tiny bit distracted… And I MAY have left him in there just a teensy drop too long!"

"How long?" asked Beryl.

"Oh, you know, how many days ago since you told me to turn it off? Because I turned it off today. And all that was left was a pile of ashes."

"ZOISITE!" howled Beryl. "This is the boiler all over again!"

"Yeah, I don't know why you keep trusting me to do stuff," said Zoisite with a shrug.

"I didn't!" said Beryl. "I assigned the task to Kunzite!"

"Uh oh," said Kunzite.

"Kunzite, is this true?" asked Zoisite.

Kunzite was nowhere to be seen.

"Hmph," said Beryl. "Since he's stronger than me, I'll let him off with a warning. But as for you, Zoisite!"

"Mmhmm?" asked Zoisite, writing out his will.

"Wait!" said Kunzite returning. "I can explain."

"Okay," said Beryl.

"Well, my back hurt that day, and it was a long teleport to Metalia's room. But I take responsibility for my actions. Punish me instead!"

"Come on Kunzite, we both know I can't do that," said Beryl. "But I think someone should die for this!"

"Why?" asked Jadeite. "Aren't you happy there's four Mamorus?"

"You can kill Jadeite," offered Kunzite when Beryl ignored him.

"Who?" asked Beryl.

Kunzite sighed.

"Come on," said Nephrite. "Aren't you happy there's four Mamorus?"

"You raise a good point," said Beryl nodding. "But we can't have them running around like this. You four go out and gather all my Chibas. That's an order!"

"Yes, m'queen" they all said in unison. They headed off.


"Now how are we going to gather all four Mamorus?" asked Jed.


"Help!" yelled Sailor Moon. "I'm hanging from this crane over here!"

Zoisite coughed. "This is a hard voice to pull off. It was way easier in the dub. And hanging from this crane isn't a picnic either."

All four Mamorus crept up on all fours, like alley cats going to an open tuna can.

They sniffed out their surroundings, and slowly approached with caution.

"Is this a trap?" asked Tuxedo Mask.

"I don't think so," said Mamoru Chiba.

"Allulloo Akbuu," said the Moonlight Knight.

"Yeah, I agree," said Prince Endymion. "We have to save Sailor Moon!"

They all flew up into the air and grabbed Zoisite.

"Hey, watch it!" said Zoisite in an obvious guy's voice.

They landed down and gathered around Sailor Moon.

"Are you okay?" asked Mamoru Chiba.

Zoisite stood up and stabbed Mamoru Chiba. Then he continued to stab the rest of them all in a row.

"Sailor Moon, why?!" they all cried in unison.

"Haha," laughed Zoisite. "Too easy."

Kunzite put them in a bubble.

"There we go," chortled Kunzite.

The Mamorus threw themselves into the wall of the bubble with their good shoulder. It wasn't enough.

"How could we fall for this again?!" asked Tuxedo Mask.

"How'd we fall for that crystal thing?" asked Mamoru Chiba.

"Allulloo," said the Moonlight Knight.

Kunzite closed in the bubble. "Any last words, Chibas?"

"Wait, no, we can't kill them," said Zoisite. "Beryl will kill me four times in a row!"

"Don't worry," said Kunzite. "I'm just going to keep closing it until they run out of air and pass out."

"I don't know," considered Zoisite. "Maybe we could kill just one… how about the Sheik of Baghdad?"

"Good idea," said Nephrite. "We'll just tell Beryl it was an accident!"

"Brilliant!" said Jed.

"So we all agree?" asked Zoisite.

They nodded.

The bubble was now very small, and the Chibas were starting to drop like flies.

"Looks like we win!" said Kunzite.

Just then, a rose flew right through both of his hands.

"SON OF A BERYL!" cried Kunzite. "Every time! This hurts like hell!"

The bubble faded away, and all the Chibas ran off like a bunch of chickens.

"NO!" said Kunzite.

"They're getting away!" yelled Zoisite.

Jadeite ran after the weakest one he could spot, base form Mamoru Chiba in the green sweater.

He threw himself at Mamoru, but Mamoru leapt into the air, dodging his tackle. He scampered off.

"Drat!" said Jadeite. "Almost had em!"

"Who did this?!" demanded Kunzite. "All the Mamorus were in the bubble!"

"Not all of them!" said the hologram of King Endymion.

"YOU!" shouted Zoisite.

"Haha," said the hologram, before fading away back to the future.

"How did I get hit by a hologram?!" questioned Kunzite. "But it's too late now," he decided.

"Beryl's not gonna like this," said Nephrite.

"Don't worry," said Kunzite. "We'll just buy her a Tuxedo Mask plushie to get us some time."


Jadeite handed Queen Beryl the plushie.

"Thanks," said Queen Beryl, realizing that she had blown her ignoring streak. She decided to act like she forgot about it.

She tossed it into the pile of Tuxedo Mask plushies next to her throne.

"You're not going to be able to escape death too many more times with this," she warned.

They all nodded.

"Now get out of my sight!" shouted Beryl. "And don't come back without my Mamo-chans!"


"This is the end," said Nephrite. "We only have a couple more plushies left."

"What do we do?" asked Jadeite. "How will we be able to round up all the Mamorus again? He definitely won't fall for that trick a third time! You know what they say, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me!"

"I wouldn't be so sure," said Zoisite. "I think we should go for it!"

"We can't," said Kunzite sadly. "They banned us from the shipyard for tampering with the crane."

"Tartar sauce," said Jadeite.

"We could offer him a challenge," said Zoisite. "Winner take all!"

"Winner take all what?" asked Kunzite.

"Eh, it doesn't matter," said Zoisite. "He won't remember to ask."

"There's one problem with that," said Nephrite. "We don't know where the Muslim one lives."

"We're going to have to check the whole Middle East," said Jadeite.

"Wait, that might not be necessary," said Kunzite. "I know how to lure him out without doing anything!"


The Shitennou sat on a bench minding their own business.

Suddenly, all four Mamorus crept up behind them to harass them and ruin their time.

The Shitennou took out a huge fishing net and trapped them in it.

"Easy," said Jed.

"That was a great plan," Jadeite told Kunzite.

Kunzite didn't respond.

"Oh yeah, that was a good one!" agreed Zoisite.

"Gee, thanks!" said Kunzite.

"Yeah, good work!" said Nephrite.

"Thanks again! You two are the best!"

Jadeite was done. He tore open the net, and all four Mamorus skittered away like mice.

"NO!" shouted Kunzite. "Jadeite, why would you do this?!"

"HAHAHAHA I MADE YOU NOTICE ME!"

"Why I oughtta…!" said Kunzite.

FIN