"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Ok, what is it?" asked Queen Beryl.
"I found out that humans put a lot of energy into throwing away garbage."
"Go on…" said Beryl.
"So, if we fill their houses with garbage, they'll have to keep cleaning!"
"Go on…"
"And then..."
"Go on..."
"We will leap out and STEAL THEIR ENERGY!"
"Go on..."
"No that's it."
"Go on..."
"No like that was the whole plan."
"I see. Hmm…" said Beryl. "I feel like I've heard this plan before. A long, long time ago. Like, exactly a year ago."
"Strange," said Jadeite. "It took me all night to come up with that one. Oh well, back to the drawing boards."
"No, wait," said Beryl. "I remember you trying this, but I don't remember how it went. This has potential. Go grab your bud Nephrite, and put this plan into action immediately!"
"Why Nephrite?" asked Jadeite.
"I don't know," said Beryl. "It just feels right."
"Alrighty then," said Jed. "Catch ya on the flip side!"
"Shut it," said Beryl.
They stepped into the first house.
"I wonder who lives here," mused Jadeite. "I bet it's a known character."
"How much do you bet?" asked Nephrite. "I'll put 20 negabucks on the table that it isn't!"
"You're playing a game you don't know much about," said Jadeite, shaking his head.
"What is this, Austrian rules?" asked Nephrite.
"What does that even mean?!" demanded Jadeite. "This whole time, and I still haven't gotten what it meant!"
Nephrite shook his head. "You're playing a game you don't know much about."
They noticed a framed picture.
"Jadeite, you're in this picture!" exclaimed Nephrite.
"That can't be right," said Jadeite. "I've never been in a picture before in my life!"
Jadeite examined the portrait of Motoki and his long lost girlfriend Reika. "That doesn't look like me at all!"
"Ehh," said Nephrite. "I see a strong resemblance. That could definitely be confusing to first time viewers."
Jadeite pulled out a garbage bag. "Well shit," he said.
"What is it?"
"Look at this pace! It's a mess! I don't think he'll clean up trash no matter how much we through down!"
"Drat," said Nephrite. "Let's go steal Molly's love energy."
"No, not yet," said Jadeite. "I still have faith in this plan after all these years!"
They teleported to a local temple.
"See, look," said Jadeite. "I already hit this joint before. Taking their energy will be like taking candy from a baby!"
Jadeite poured trash all over the temple.
"ez gg!" he chuckled.
Just then, two feral crows flew out of nowhere and each latched on to one of Jadeite's arms.
They flew off into the distance, and Nephrite made no effort to chase after him.
"He'll be fine," he assured himself.
Jadeite was leaving the stratosphere as the crows continued to drag him through the atmosphere showing little fatigue.
"This is my end," said Jadeite.
And it was, because the crows sacrificially flew directly into the sun.
Not a trace of Jadeite remained, except for a solar flare caused by his death.
Nephrite watched with sunglasses on.
"RIP," he said.
Nephrite was still at the temple waiting for them to clean up the garbage so he could get the energy.
"It's what Jadeite would have wanted," he thought.
Just then, Chad came outside.
"SHyaaaa yaaa braaaaaaaa!" He got in his battle stance.
"You wanna rumble?" asked Nephrite.
"SHYAAAA YAAAAAAAAA BRAAAAAAAAAA!"
Chad through a swift karate chop, and it was a direct hit.
Unfortunately, it had no effect on Nephrite.
Nephrite threw a punch to Chad's stomach, and while his fist was still in contact with Chad, he shot an energy blast out of it, finishing him off.
Twenty minutes later, Rei came out.
"Chad! No! You're gonna pay for that!"
"So are you gonna clean this mess up or not?" asked Nephrite.
"Mars Fire Ignite!" shouted Rei.
Nephrite put his arm up and tanked through the attack. "Easy sauce," he said.
Rei used her last ditch effort, the slip of paper.
She tossed one on Nephrite.
"What is this, a fortune cookie?" he asked.
He crumpled up the paper and threw it on the ground.
"You're just adding fuel to the fire, kid," he said.
Mars made a flee.
Nephrite shot her down.
"Wait a second," realized Nephrite. "How am I going to collect energy if they're all dead?"
Suddenly Grandpa marched out. "Not all of them," he stated.
Grandpa cracked his neck and it made a piercing sound that caused Nephrite's ear drums to explode.
"You're going to get beaten, and beaten badly," said Grandpa.
"What?" asked Nephrite. "Can you speak up?"
Suddenly Grandpa stepped into the light, and Nephrite knew he was done.
Grandpa scampered into Kunzite's castle covered in blood.
"Easy does it," he said, drying the blood off his bare chest. He had taken his clothes off in the thrill of fight.
He climbed up to Kunzite and Zoisite's room at the top of the castle, and curled up at the foot of their bed like a mutt.
He started wagging his tail, and Kunzite stirred in his sleep.
"Good boy," said Kunzite. "I'll take you for a walk tomorrow, Spot!"
Kunzite went back to sleep. Two minutes later he awoke with a start.
"Wait a minute, we don't have a dog!"
Grandpa bit Kunzite's leg.
"YOUCH!" yelled Kunzite, leaping out of his bed.
"Can you keep it down," said Zoisite waking up.
Zoisite spotted Grandpa at the foot of his bed.
"nnoooooOOOOOOOO!" he cried.
"I'll hold him off!" yelled Kunzite. "You take off and don't stop running!"
"Got it!" said Zoisite.
He leapt out the window.
Kunzite put up his fists. "Come at me, you hideous freak!" he shouted.
Grandpa came at him.
Kunzite threw a punch, but Grandpa deflected it and picked up Kunzite with his long tongue.
He dropped him, and he was dead before he even hit the floor.
Zoisite was still running in midair over the abyss like a cartoon.
"I hope Kunzite's okay!"
But Zoisite knew deep down that he probably wasn't.
"I have to get to Beryl!" thought Zoisite.
Just then, Grandpa flew up beside Zoisite on his Nimbus cloud. He was sitting pretzel legged, and smoking a pipe.
"mmmm," he said licking his lips.
Zoisite stopped in his tracks and made a wild U-Turn.
Grandpa spun around too, and decided to take out Zoisite then and there.
He rode through Zoisite like tissue paper, and Zoisite's remains fell into the abyss.
Grandpa road on to Queen Beryl.
"Queen Beryl!" yelled Grandpa. "I found a new source of energy!"
"That's great, Jadeite," said Beryl. "Wait a second, did you lose weight? And also lose your hair?"
"Yes," said Grandpa. "Like 500 years ago."
"Ah, I see," said Beryl. "You better go back to that trash scheme right now, or-"
Then it hit Beryl.
She realized that she would die much more brutally at the hands of Granpda, so she took out a pistol and finished herself off.
"Easy does it!" said Grandpa, sitting down in her chair. But then he remembered he had one lose end to tie up.
HE walked into Metalia's chambers.
"Hidy ho!" he called.
"Who dares enter my- uh oh!" said Metalia.
She burst open her bubble and took to the vents.
Grandpa inhaled like a vacuum, and Metalia didn't stand a chance.
Having absorbed Metalia, Grandpa was now unstoppable.
Grandpa got bored after taking over the galaxy. He needed a challenge.
He ripped off his shirt again, and tore through the gates of time and logic and marched straight into Hell.
"I hope the Shitennou were training this whole time, so that I at least a break a sweat!"
"Hey, you!" called the gatekeeper of Hell. "You need a pass to get in here!"
Grandpa laughed with little humor. He pulled out his scythe and killed the gatekeeper of Hell.
"Easy does it," he said.
He continued inside.
Meanwhile, the Shitennou, Beryl, and Metalia who was in her human form since this was Hell anyway, sat at a table playing monopoly with Satan himself.
"Shyaa yaa braaaa!" said Chad. "I win!"
"Why is he in Hell?" asked Jadeite.
"He killed hundreds of homeless men so he could be the top homeless bum," answered Satan.
"Shyyaaaa yaaaa!" agreed Chad. "Now pay up!"
Satan pulled out his wallet and handed Chad a twenty.
"What is this money, anyway?" asked Nephrite, examining a ten dollar bill.
"Those are souls of the weak," said Satan. "We use that as currency around here."
"Good idea," said Kunzite.
Just then there was a rumbling.
"I didn't know we were having a guest over?" asked Satan in confusion.
Grandpa kicked down the door.
"Here's Grandpo!" said Grandpa.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Satan.
Grandpa fused with Metalia towered over 10 foot tall Satan. He knew he was gonesville, but wouldn't give up that easily.
He pulled out his pitchfork. "Let's go, old man!"
He threw it like a spear. It went straight through Grandpa.
"A direct hit!" yelled Kunzite.
Grandpa pulled out of his chest, and there wasn't a even a hole.
He snapped it in half, and threw the two pieces, killing Jadeite and Zoisite.
Grandpa grabbed Satan by the neck. "Any last words, big boy?" he asked.
Satan spit in his face in a last ditch effort, and Grandpa decided to snap his neck.
"Who's next?"
Kunzite hopped onto the monopoly board.
"No!" said Chad.
"This one's for Zoisite!" howled Kunzite, throwing his best energy ball.
Grandpa pulled out a tennis racket, and hit it back.
"No!" yelled Kunzite.
He put his cape to block the attack, but the cape was only made of cotton and it was no use.
Kunzite died.
Beryl, Nephrite, Metalia, and Chad headed for the hills.
But Hell was only flat land.
Grandpa slammed his scythe into the ground, sending out shockwaves that quickly caught up to them and erased them from existence.
10 minutes later, Jadeite was the first to respawn.
He saw Grandpa sipping tea, and tried to sneak away, when Grandpa stomped him like a bug.
Zoisite respawned next and met a similar fate.
One by one, they all respawned and got stomped.
"This isn't good," said Kunzite in his two seconds of life before the next stomp.
Grandpa took out his diamond sword and started spawnkilling them.
"This isn't fai-" yelled Jadeite.
"Screw you faggot!" howled Satan defiantly before getting stomped.
After 50 more times, they realized Grandpa wouldn't let up, so they decided to give up and let their souls drift down to Super Hell.
"Ok," said Satan once everyone respawned. "Let's all hide in case he comes down here!"
"Don't worry," said Super Satan. "I'll protect you."
"You don't know what you're up against," said Kunzite.
Jadeite however, had not yet accepted his fate of Super Hell, and respawned eight days later in Hell. But Grandpa was still waiting for him, and broke him like a toothpick.
Jadeite finally went to Super Hell.
"He's still there, huh?" said Nephrite.
"Yes," said Jadeite. "He's a persistent old buffoon."
"Hopefully he finally gets tired and leaves," thought Satan aloud.
Suddenly they heard a loud sound, like someone moving a rock.
"Oh no," said Beryl.
She pulled out his pistol and took herself out before the bloodshed.
"RIP," said Jadeite.
They all watched as Grandpa tore the ceiling into two pieces, giving him enough room to leap down.
"Ready or not, here I KILL!" shouted Grandpa.
Super Satan put on his battle gear and threw a punch.
He stood equal to Super Grandpa.
"He may just stand a chance," they all thought from the sidelines.
But when Super Satan's punch had no effect, they knew it was over.
Super Satan and Grandpa locked hands and yelled loudly.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" they shouted.
But Grandpa overpowered Super Satan soon after and threw a kick to his chest.
Super Satan fell over, crushing Satan along with Jadeite, Nephrite, and Chad.
Zoisite, Kunzite and Metalia flew up dodging Super Satan's dead carcass.
"Quick!" said Kunzite. "Fuse with me, Metalia!"
"Hmph," said Zoisite. "That's real cool, fuse with her instead of me!"
"I would if it would be any help," said Kunzite. "But we need some fire power!"
"Both of you fuse with me!" exclaimed Metalia.
"Wait," said Kunzite. "How are you in Hell if you're still fused with Grandpa?"
"He took my power and threw away my conscious," said Metalia sadly.
The three of them fused into Super KunziteZoisiteMetalia.
"Ok," said the Kunzite part of the being's consciousness. "We each have a Metalia, so the Metalia's cancel out. Which just means it's me and Zoisite vs Grandpa. Uh oh."
Grandpa backhanded them, and they were no more.
They all instantly went to Ultimate Hell, because they all knew they'd just get spawnkilled.
"Howdy," said Ultimate Satan. "We don't get a lot of visitors down here."
"Hello," said Super Satan. "It's been a while, old friend."
"I think we've met once before," said Satan.
"Father?" asked Chad.
"Hey, son!" said Ultimate Satan. "How went your mission to Earth to rid the world of the homeless."
"It was going good," admitted Chad. "Until that guy over there killed me!"
Nephrite shrugged.
The gatekeeper of Hell appeared at that moment.
"Hello, all. That crazy old man killed me down quite a few layers. He told me to tell you that he's coming for this layer next."
"This is getting out of hand," said Jadeite. "How does one old man possess this much power?"
"I have the reason," said Ultimate Satan. "Some 70,000 years ago, Grandpa, who was only a Pa back then, came to me and offered his soul for immortality. He had a very strong soul, so I made the trade. However, after he got his immortality, he took his soul back, because I couldn't kill him."
"That's too bad," said Zoisite.
"If we don't stop him, he'll!" began Ultimate Satan.
"He'll what?" asked Nephrite.
"I don't know," said Ultimate Satan. "But I don't want to find out."
The ceiling above started to shake.
"NO!" yelled everyone.
Beryl pulled out her pistol, but Metalia stopped her.
"Wait," said Metalia. "Look, the ceiling's not crumbling."
"Aha!" said Ultimate Satan. "I knew it was worth the investment to have invincible ceilings! Grandpa can't get to us now! We'll be safe in Ultimate Hell!"
"That's a relief," said Jadeite. "So what's the conditions of this place anyway?"
"Four meals a day, living sized apartments, trash day is Tuesday. That's about it," said Ultimate Satan. "It's only slight worse than Super Hell tbh, which has trash day twice a week in case you forget."
"It will be a hard change," admitted Beryl. "But it's worth it."
Grandpa, meanwhile, was getting angry, and throwing punches at the ground with all his might. But they had no effect.
At that moment, Rei's crows appeared in Super Hell.
"Phobos! Deimos!" said Grandpa, greeting them warmly.
At first, the crows didn't recognize Grandpa with this new aura. But finally they recognized his voice.
They didn't know if he was friend of foe, and they didn't have time to find out. Grandpa absorbed them, but it still wasn't enough power to break through the ground.
"This won't do," said Grandpa.
Luckily for him, by absorbing the crows, he now had the ability of flight. He took to the stars and went to find his own Grandpa, Chaos.
After a few weeks of peace and quiet, the Shitennou, Beryl, Metalia, Chad, the Satans, and Hell's gatekeeper all adjusted to their living arrangements in Ultimate Hell.
"All's well that ends well," said Jadeite.
"Don't speak too soon," said Beryl. "Grandpa can come back any day."
"Don't be silly," said Nephrite. "You heard Ultimate Satan, he'll never break through that ceiling!"
Suddenly they heard the loud sound of a ceiling breaking.
"No," said Beryl. "It can't be."
Grandpa fell down from the ceiling with a black aura. He had merged with Chaos himself, similar to how he merged with Metalia.
He was now about 20 feet taller than Ultimate Satan, who stood a whopping 12 stories high.
"Jeepers creepers!" said Ultimate Satan.
Grandpa looked his way and he was no more.
Everyone scattered in different directions, but Grandpa had now become omniscient.
He targeted each of their locations with his mind, and with a single thought, they all ceased to exist.
However, by coincidence, he missed Jadeite, who hid himself under a rock.
"Good thing my power's already so low I can suppress it easily!" he thought.
Grandpa picked up the rock, and Jadeite clung to the bottom of it.
Grandpa shrugged and put it back down.
"Phew," thought Jadeite.
But Grandpa heard his thought, and extinguished him like a flame.
"There's no use in respawning in Ultimate Hell anymore," said Ultimate Satan in the stream of non-existence. "But there's also nothing below here… or so I've heard."
"Let's do it," said Jadeite.
Ultimate Satan gasped. "What?! You have to be crazy! If we go down there, and it's nothing, we'll all cease to exist for good."
"Eh," said Beryl. "It's better than getting spawn-killed by Gramps for eternity."
"I don't know," suggested Kunzite. "Let's just wait a thousand years and maybe he'll leave."
"A thousand years is nothing to man that's one billion years old!" cried Zoisite. "I'm with Jadeite on this one!"
Jadeite gushed.
"Besides," said Metalia. "Remember the first time we waited a thousand years to respawn back to the living world. That was no picnic, it felt like so long!"
"Yep, I can't give up junk food and booze for that long," said Nephrite.
"Let's do it," said Super Satan.
"I agree," said Satan.
"Alright," said Beryl. "On three. One, two…"
"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
Queen Beryl looked around. "What the….?"
Sitting in her throne room was her Shitennou, Queen Metalia blob form, and all three Satans, along with everyone else from Hell.
"Huh?!" asked everyone else.
"We're back in the Negaverse!" exclaimed Nephrite. "But how!?"
"Can it be?" asked Ultimate Satan. "But I guess it is. The Negaverse exists on a plane that's directly below Ultimate Hell."
"Well how about that," said Jadeite.
"I knew it," said Metalia. "I knew this place was even worse than Ultimate Hell!"
"Looks like we win again," said Kunzite.
There was a knock on the door.
"Oh boy," said Beryl. "Time for round 20!"
She took out her pistol and fired, but it was all out of bullets.
"Darnit," she said.
Grandpa walked in. "Hey guys. Who wants to go first?"
"No," said Jadeite.
"What was that?" asked Grandpa in shock.
Kunzite was about to charge, but restrained himself.
"I said, no!" shouted Jadeite. "We won't be a victim to your random smackdowns anymore! We will stand up, and we will fight!"
"Ha!" said Grandpa. "That hasn't worked the last 80 times. What makes you think you'll stand a chance?"
"Everyone, give me your energy!" exclaimed Jadeite. "That's the new source I was talking about as we fell in here!"
"No?" said Nephrite. "But instead, what if we all fused?"
"That might work!" said Ultimate Satan. "Satan Trinity Fusion!" he shouted.
The three Satans did the three way fusion dance, and became one Supreme Satan.
"That's our queue," said Beryl looking at Metalia.
Metalia sighed. She turned into Super Beryl.
"Actually I'm not so sure about this," said Jadeite.
But Super Beryl grabbed the four Shitennou and ate them.
Chad and the Hell gatekeeper fused together.
"Shyaaaa!" said Hell keeper Chad. "I think I'll stay this way from now on!"
Supreme Satan absorbed them, and then absorbed Super Beryl + Shitennou.
They became one huge being of pure evil.
"Finally," said Grandpa. "A good challenge. I might actually break a sweat!"
They both charged.
It was a long battle, a violent one, which lasted for two millenniums.
In the end, Grandpa was floored by his own ego.
He got too arrogant and didn't go to his full power soon enough, so by the time he reached his true form, the Supreme Fusion had beaten him down so much that he couldn't maintain it.
"Riperoo," said Grandpa to himself.
He took out a pistol and shot himself.
"We did it," said the Supreme Fusion. "Now how do we un-fuse?"
FIN
"Mmm," said Prince Endymion. "I'm glad I didn't come to work that day!"
A/N: Thanks to everyone who has been reading this story! It's been a whole year since we first posted it, but it really doesn't feel like it. I'm so happy we were able to keep it going this long, and looking back at old chapters brings back so many good memories. We hope you'll continue to enjoy this fanfic as much as we enjoy writing it, for many years to come!
