"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Jadeite," she replied. "How would you feel if I just came up to you every day when you were just trying to relax, and started spouting stuff about new sources of energy?"

"It would be a dream come true, m'lady!" exclaimed Jadeite.

"Go to your room," said Beryl.

"Whyhhyy?!" cried Jadeite.

"For sassing me," explained Beryl.

"But Beryl," began Jadeite.

Beryl backhanded Jed.

He whimpered and crawled out the door.

Queen Beryl felt bad. "I'll just give him a goody bag next time I see him."


Jadeite stood on his legs and continued to walk. "Another day another dollar," he sighed.

He passed Nephrite on the way down the hall.

"Where are you going?" asked Nephrite.

"To my dark space I call home," said Jadeite. "How bout you?"

"The usual," replied Nephrite. "You know, the soda machine."

Jadeite nodded knowingly. "Don't ever change."

Nephrite watched Jadeite walk away in confusion. "That kid has issues."

Nephy continued to the soda machine.

When he got there, he automatically pulled out a dollar seventy-five.

By memory, he hit the D and then 6 button without looking up.

But instead of a bag of Cheetos, out came a bag of fruit snacks.

Nephrite did a double-take.

"WHHHAAAAAT?! Did they change the numbers?" he wondered.

He scanned desperately for where they moved the bag of Cheetos. But every single slot was the same bag of fruit snacks.

"NO!" cried Nephrite.

He sprinted to Beryl's room at top speed.

He passed Zoisite as he ran by, and Zoisite was thrown into the wall by the force of his speed.

"Owowowowowowow…!"

Nephrite entered the room waving his hands frantically and moving his mouth rapidly.

Beryl was confused, but then the sound caught up to her.

"BERYL BERYL BERYL! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE SODA MACHINE?!"

"Oh, that?" recalled Beryl. "Metalia says you four were starting to get a little chunky, so she replaced the usual food with healthy snacks."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Nephrite falling to the floor. He started crying a river of tears.

"That soda machine was my only will to live!"

Zoisite rowed in on a rowboat that floated atop Nephrite's tears.

"Why is Nephrite crying?" asked Zoisite giddily. "Did you give me his job?"

"Why would I do that?" asked Beryl. "Why wouldn't I give it to someone better than him if he couldn't handle it?"

"Why I oughtta…!" said Zoisite.

"THE SODA MACHINE!" howled Nephrite. "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY! MY BABYYYYYY! It's almost like he was the fourth Shitennou!"

"There already is a fourth Shitennou," reminded Beryl.

"Did Jadeite get promoted?" asked Nephrite.

"A long time ago," said Beryl.

"D'ah," said Nephrite. "Well I like the soda machine more than Jadeite."

"So do I," said Beryl. "But unfortunately it can't move so it can't get me energy. Well I mean, I suppose it would still get more than Jadeite, but-"

"Beryl," said Jadeite walking in. "How come I always hear my name getting thrown around as I approach this room? I used to think you were telling the others of my successes, but once I realized I didn't have any successes I began to assume you were talking bad about me!"

"Of course we are," said Zoisite. "Now grab a life vest or you'll drown in Nephrite's tears."

Jadeite put a life vest on. "Yikes, what's got you feeling down, man?"

"SO….. DA!" Nephrite sputtered in between sobs.

"Come on Queen B.," insisted Jadeite. "Can't you just put his junk food back?"

"I don't have the jurisdiction," said Beryl. "It would have to get approved by Metalia."

"Then I quit!" shouted Nephrite, jumping to his feet.

"See ya," said Zoisite.

"I'll miss you," said Jadeite.

"Oh no you don't," said Nephrite, grabbing Jadeite by the shirt collar. "You're quitting with me!"

"How will I support my family?!" cried Jadeite. But then he remembered. "Ok, let's go."

"Fine, quit!" shouted Beryl. "See if I care!"

Nephrite and Jadeite walked out.

"They'll be back in an hour," said Beryl confidently.

"I don't know," said Zoisite. "They seemed pretty upset."

"Nah, they'll get over it."


One year later…

Kunzite went to walk into Beryl's palace.

He was stopped out front.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked Nephrite.

"To work?" stated Kunzite.

"No no no," said Nephrite. "Jadeite, tell him!"

"Well… I.. umm… we…" muttered Jadeite.

Kunzite picked both of them up with one hand and tossed them to the side.

"Bunch of bozos," he scoffed.

"You'll understand soon!" shouted Nephrite as Kunzite left.

Zoisite went to enter a few minutes later.

Nephrite and Jadeite jumped in his way.

"Don't hurt me!" cried Zoisite. "I need to work to support my three kids!"

"Jadeite, read the sign!" commanded Nephrite.

"Oh yeah, yeah!" said Jadeite, reaching in his pocket for his picket sign.

"Negaverse FUNFAIR!" he shouted.

Nephrite signed. "UNFAIR, not FUNFAIR."

"Ohhhhhhhh," said Jadeite. "Can I have some white paint?"

Zoisite crouched under their picket line and snuck inside.

"He's getting away!" yelled Nephrite.

Nephrite and Jadeite chased after Zoisite in a mad sprint, and Zoisite took off.

Jadeite leaped on top of Zoisite and took him to the ground.

"NO!" cried Zoisite. Zoisite kicked Jed in the face and scampered away.

"I almost had him!" said Jadeite. "But he's just too slippery!"

They went to take another step forward, but were stopped by Beryl's security.

"You protesters can't cross this line!" shouted security.

"Watch me!" said Nephrite. He slugged the security guard.

His hat flew off, revealing him to be none other than Grandpa, champion of the Negaverse.

All the color drained from Nephrite's face.

"We didn't mean anything by that, right Jadeite?!"

He turned to his side but Jadeite was gone.

Grandpa narrowed his eyes.

Nephrite slowly picked up the hat from the floor, dusted it off, and put it back on Grandpa's head.

He slowly tiptoed backwards, until Grandpa was out of his sight, and then he sprinted away.

Grandpa shook his head. "Rotten kids."


Jadeite relit the bonfire.

"Why do we have to sleep out here?" he wondered aloud.

"In case any Negaverse workers try to sneak in for the night shift!" Nephrite explained. "And also Beryl threw you out since you're not working there anymore."

"D'ah, I forgot," said Jadeite. "Good thing I didn't have any possessions."

A car drove by, and it slowed down to read their signs.

Nephrite perked up.

Some of the signs included "Down with Beryl!" and "Junk food doesn't make people fat, bad employers do!"

A large banner read, "Honk if you hate oppression!"

The car honked.

"Booyah!" said Nephrite.

Prince Endymion got out of the car and walked inside.

"Hey, wait!" yelled Nephrite.

Nephrite and Jadeite sprinted after him.

Jadeite threw himself like he did at Zoisite, but Endymion side-stepped and Jadeite threw himself into the ground.

Nephrite was about to reach him as he walked through the door, but Grandpa stepped in the way.

Nephrite went to back off, but Grandpa wasn't gonna let it slide again.

He picked up Nephrite and kicked him all the way back into Jadeite, who was trying to make a break for it out the door.

They both tumbled outside.

"Don't worry," said Jadeite encouragingly. "We'll make a difference sooner or later!"


"Queen Beryl!" yelled Zoisite. "No new news on the Silver Crystal today, but I'm sure I'll get some tomorrow!"

"Zoisite!" howled Beryl. "Are you even trying?!"

"Yes!" cried Zoisite. "I'm working all day every day!"

"Then y u no crystal?!"

"You know Beryl, I'm starting to think this Silver Crystal doesn't even exist yet," said Zoisite. "Like what if Queen Serenity separated it into 7 different parts or something?"

"You have lot to learn, Zoisite!" shouted Beryl.

"Can't you ask Metalia for a lead or something?" Zoisite asked.

"No," said Beryl. "We don't want to wake her from her sleep until next arc. She gets cranky when she's woken."

"Hmm," said Zoisite.

"Hmm," said Beryl.

"You know Beryl," began Zoisite. "At first I was happy when I got Nephrite's job, but now I realized it's not all it cracked up to be. I think we should hire some new employees."

"Hmm," said Beryl. "That might work. But how are we going to find someone as qualified to be in the Great Shitennou?"


"Who are these two?" asked Zoisite.

"They're a couple teenagers I snagged by the school," explained Beryl.

"Hidy ho," said Melvin.

"Grrr," said Molly.

"Oh no, just when I thought I would have no more foes to deal with!" cried Zoisite.

Kunzite teleported in.

"I don't know about this," he stated. "Last time we had Melvin as a Shitennou it didn't end well."

"He's learned his lesson, I think," said Beryl. "I mean I hope."

Melvin nodded. "You won't need to lure me into a hole with shrimp this time! I mean I hope."

Beryl sighed. "Just go find me that crystal!"

"K," said Molly. She teleported off with Melvin in a joint cloud of shrimp.

"Mmm," said Kunzite. He picked up a shrimp and ate it. "Not too shabby."

"Beryl," said Zoisite.

"Zoisite," said Beryl.

"Don't you think our new employees shouldn't be regular humans?"

"Zoisite," said Beryl. "You have a lot to learn."


Beryl retreated to her private quarters.

She made a hot bubble bath.

"Mmm," she said.

She opened the bathroom cabinet and pulled out all the snacks she confiscated from the soda machine.

She opened a bag of Cheetos and got in the tub.

"This is the life," she sighed blissfully.

Suddenly, the water started draining from the tub.

"Huh?" she asked in shock.

Out from the drain popped Melvin.

"Hidy ho!" he said.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Beryl.

Melvin pulled himself out of the drain and into the tub.

"Oh boy, can I have a Cheeter?"

"NO!" cried Beryl. "Get out of the tub!"

"You heard her, Moll," said Melvin. "Let's get out of here."

"Aww, awwlright," said Molly, climbing out of the drain too. They walked away.

"Finally," groaned Beryl. "Some peace and quiet."

Zoisite walked into the bathroom.

"Hey Beryl. Since Nephrite isn't at his house anymore, he hasn't restocked on food. Can I have some grub from your snack cabinet?"

Beryl sunk into the water and blew bubbles angrily out her nose.

"I'll take that as a yes?"

Zoisite looted her snack cabinet for a while.

Finally Beryl got agitated and yelled "GET OUUUUUT!"

"Ah, okay," said Zoisite, settling for a fig newton pack. "And put some bubbles on, no one wants to see that!"

"GRRRRRRRRRR!" shouted Beryl.

"Hey Beryl," said Kunzite marching in. He had a shower cap on and a rubber ducky in his hand. "Is it bath time already? Can I have the honor of washing your back?"

Beryl teleported away in a fury.

"This is bad," she thought. "Usually it's just Kunzite and Zoisite bugging me, while Jed and Neph kept to themselves. Now I have FOUR people annoying me during my private hours!"


A tumbleweed rolled passed Nephrite and Jadeite's picket line.

"No one is taking this path to the castle anymore," sighed Jadeite. "We might have to spread out and get all the entrances."

"This will never do," declared Nephrite. "We have to be on the offensive. Let's take our picket inside!"

"But how?!" asked Jadeite. "Grandpa's guarding the door!"

"He can't be guarding all of them," smirked Nephrite.

Nephrite approached the Eastern entrance, while Jadeite scampered up to the Western door.

"Grandpa can't be guarding both doors," thought Nephrite as he closed in. "I feel sorry for poor Jed."

Nephrite did not see anyone at his door, so he started making a mad dash inside.

But suddenly someone was breathing down his neck.

"NO!" he cried.

He turned around and did the only thing he could think of, and threw a punch.

Grandpa caught it and then shook his head.

"Mmm mmm mmm," he said.

"Grrrr," thought Nephrite. "Why'd I have to be the one to get Grandpa?!"


Jadeite heard Nephrite's screams from the other side of the castle.

"Phew, I guess he was the one who got Grandpa. Looks like it's smooth sailing for me!"

He dashed inside, but was suddenly tapped on the shoulder by a pincer.

Jadeite turned around, and found himself face to face with a cross-eyed lobster.

"Gr-g-r-g-rgpg—r-gr- Grandpa?!"

"Rrr rarrr ar ar ar," roared the lobster.

Jadeite made a dash for it.

But Grandpa shot out his tongue like a projectile and wrapped it around Jadeite, pulling him back into his open gullet.

Jadeite and Nephrite were both tossed into the outside dumpster at the same instant.

"Grandpa threw me out," said Jadeite sadly. "Who threw you out?"

"Grandpa," said Nephrite. "Wait a minute. How…...?"


Nephrite was pacing around angrily outside.

"I think we should just give in," said Jadeite.

"No," said Nephrite. "It's been two years. Queen Beryl's practically on her death bed, she'll give in any time now!"

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" howled Jadeite. "I'm going to go in and apologize and beg for my job back!"

Suddenly Zoisite marched out.

"Quick Jadeite, stop him!" cried Nephrite.

Jadeite threw himself, knocking Zoisite down.

"Youch!" cried Zoisite. "I was headed out, not in!"

"Doesn't matter," said Jadeite. "We haven't seen a single person in a year, we must spread our message to someone!"

"I just came out to tell you Beryl wanted to talk to you," said Zoisite.

"Ah," said Jadeite. "So she finally gave in! I knew she'd give in before us!"

"Well actually," began Nephrite.

They went inside.

Beryl had an uneasy expression on her face. "Hello, boys," she said. "I haven't seen you guys in a while."

"OH THANK YOU BERYL!" sobbed Jadeite. "I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR MY JOB BACK!"

Nephrite slugged him.

"I mean," said Jadeite. "We have several demands."

"Shut up and listen," said Beryl. "At first I thought you guys were the worst employees ever. But then I hired a couple of teenagers from the high school, and now I know the true value of the two of you."

"What's so bad about the teenagers?" Jadeite couldn't help but ask.

"THEY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONG!" howled Beryl.

"Queen Beryl!" yelled Melvin and Molly. "We found a new source of energy!"

"SEE WHAT I MEAN!?"

"Yeah, that must be annoying!" agreed Jadeite.

"So what would you say…" said Beryl slowly. "If I offered you your jobs back!"

Jadeite opened his mouth to sob with joy, but Nephrite put a sock in it.

"Wait just a second, BERYL!" said Nephrite. "We still have the issue of that soda machine!"

"No!" cried Beryl. "I like having all the junk food to myself!"

"Alright, then I guess we'll just leave…" said Nephrite.

He dramatically turned around.

"Alright, alright!" resigned Beryl. "How about I give you one slot in the healthy snack machine for your Cheetos?"

Nephrite replied with his poker face.

"But it will cost four dollars extra per bag."

"Ok," said Nephrite. "I'll take it."

"Fool!" thought Beryl. "You can buy 3 huge sacks of Cheetos from your local grocery for that much!"

Beryl tossed Neph and Jed their old uniforms.

"WHOPEEEEEEEEEEEE!" squeaked Jadeite.

"But… what about us?" asked Molly.

"Oh," said Beryl. "I have the perfect position for you two!"


Melvin and Molly swept the floor.

"Oy'm tired," said Molly.

Kunzite strolled by. "Keep working," he called.

"Yes sir!" they both said.

Melvin accidentally dropped some shrimp on the floor.

"Drat," said Melvin. "Now I have to work double-overtime!"

Nephrite walked passed them as well. He stopped. "Ask me where I'm going," he said.

"Where are you going?" asked Molly.

"THE SODA MACHINE!" exclaimed Nephrite. He leapt in the air victoriously and hovered there for a while. Finally he went on his way.

He automatically hit in D6 on the machine. "Just like old times," he said gleefully.

But out popped four healthy snacks.

"NO!" he cried. He scanned the soda machine, and found the Cheetos at D5.

"WAAAA! It's not the same!"

Nephrite marched into Beryl's throne room and threw down his nametag.

Beryl scoffed. "He'll be back in an hour."

Jadeite peaked his head back inside his house and locked his door. "Not this time, Nephboy."

Nephrite reached through the mail slot and grabbed Jadeite by the neck.

"D'ah," said Jadeite.

FIN