"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"And I've found the lord!" interrupted Zoisite.
"Huh?" said Beryl and Jadeite in unison.
Zoisite was dressed like a priest and was holding a copy of the Holy Bible.
"All are equal in the eyes of god," shared Zoisite.
"Is this some kind of joke?" asked Beryl.
"No," said Zoisite. "It all started when I was trying to steal the orange rainbow crystal. Me and this priest had a long chat, and he showed me the light. I have become devout Catholic."
"We don't accept your kind here," said Beryl. "I am your only god!"
"Blasphemy!" cried Zoisite. "You will pay for this in Hell!"
"I've been to Hell," said Beryl. "It wasn't too bad."
Zoisite gasped. "Queen Beryl, are you a Satanist?"
Beryl shrugged. "I've met the guy, I'm not his biggest fan."
"You've convened with the devil?!" shouted Zoisite. "You know not what you do!"
"Enough," said Beryl. "If you don't want to leave here in a body cast, I suggest you run along."
"Wait!" said Jadeite. "He has the right to express his religious values!"
"This isn't a democracy!" yelled Beryl. "You knew that when you voted me in as dictator!"
"But we didn't vote you in…" recalled Jadeite. "We actually voted for Kunzite, since he is the strongest."
"Exactly!" said Beryl. "That's because this isn't a democracy!"
"Don't worry, Beryl," promised Zoisite. "I'll save your soul somehow."
He ran along.
Jadeite shared his new source. He left to enact his scheme and was not seen for the rest of the chapter.
"Finally, some peace and quiet," said Beryl. "I'm glad I won't have to see Jadeite for the rest of the chapter…"
Beryl thought for a moment. "Hmm, I'm kind of thirsty…"
Zoisite ran through the doors. "Queen Beryl! I have brought you something to drink!"
"Thanks," said Beryl. She went to take a sip, but paused.
"This isn't soda, is it?" she asked.
"Nope," said Zoisite. "Just water."
"K," said Beryl. She took a sip.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed, spitting it out. Her skin started smoking. "THAT's NOT WATER!"
"It is," assured Zoisite. "Holy Water!"
"NOOOOO!" cried Beryl. "You fiend!"
"Be free!" cried Zoisite. He tried to give her more holy water but she backhanded him away.
"Get out of my Negaverse!" she howled.
"No, Queen Beryl. I care too much!"
Queen Beryl tied Zoisite to a torpedo and shot it out of the Negaverse. She boarded up the windows and chain-locked the door.
"D'ah," said Zoisite. "Now I have no place to stay. Wait, I know a good friend that will take in an ally of the church!"
"I've never been your friend, nor you mine!" said the doorbell when Zoisite rung it.
He waited.
He rung it twelve more times, then finally Nephrite's security system answered.
"Identify yourself," said the system.
"It's me, your good pal! Come on, let me in!"
The system scanned Zoisite.
Suddenly a giant laser appeared.
"Yikes!" said Zoisite.
He tried to flee, but the laser fled after him.
He tripped on a rock and he was no more.
However, because of his strong religious beliefs, he was resurrected and continued on his way.
"No home, no job…" thought Zoisite sadly. "I wonder how Kunzite's getting by in my absence."
"Are you enjoying your steak, M'Queen?" asked Kunzite.
"Why yes," said Beryl. "Thank you for taking me out on this date."
"It's the least I can do," said Kunzite. "Considering I'm a single man now."
Beryl sighed and tried her hardest to picture Mamoru's face on Kunzite. "It's just not the same," she said.
"Homeless and alone…" continued Zoisite. He pulled out a phonebook and looked up a recent acquaintance.
A few days later, Zoisite trekked to the address he had found.
"Greetings," said Zoisite.
The priest from episode 26 in the sub/22 in the dub opened the door.
"You monster!" he cried. "Stay away from me!"
"You have nothing to fear," said Zoisite. "The lord watches over us."
"Stay away!" repeated the priest. He took out a cross and held it out defensively.
"I appreciate the gesture," said Zoisite, pulling out his own cross. "Say, do you have a spare room?"
"No!" shouted the priest.
"B-but why?!" cried Zoisite. "Aren't we all supposed to honor our neighbors?"
"You're not my neighbor!" the priest shouted.
"B-but you're the one who showed me the way!" insisted Zoisite.
"I did?" asked the priest.
"Ye."
The priest shut his door.
"Dang," said Zoisite.
Suddenly, something in Zoisite's mind cracked, and he finally snapped.
He blasted open the door.
"Die, fool!" he shouted.
The priest leapt out of the way at the last second.
"I thought you saw the way of the lord!" cried the priest.
"Not anymore," said Zoisite. "I'm back to the way I was, all because of you!"
"Uh oh," said the priest. "About that spare room, I think I might actually be able to find you one…!"
"It's too late for that!"
The priest had no choice but to assume the form of the vampire winged boxer.
"Round one, and fight!" he howled.
Zoisite pulled out his bible that he no longer valued and chucked it at the priest, knocking him to the floor.
"Easy," said Zoisite.
Boxy stood to his feet.
"I was just warming up. Comin' atcha!"
He threw his fists like a projectile, and nailed Zoisite square in the head and simultaneously in the gut.
"Youch!" he yelled. "But I won't be defeated!"
Zoisite pulled the huge cross off the wall and threw it like a boomerang.
It impaled Boxy, but it missed all his vital organs.
Zoisite took this opportunity to charge with the fists of fury.
Boxy was sent tumbling out the window.
"He must be a goner," thought Zoisite. "This apartment is on the tenth story."
Zoisite poked his head out and looked down, but all he saw was Boxy flying at him with rapid speed.
"I forgot the wings!" cried Zoisite.
He got slugged right in the chops with a devastating upper cut.
"You can't beat me," stated Boxy. "I'm protected by the holy forces."
"You're in your Negaverse villain form," said Zoisite. "So why are you still acting like the priest?"
"Uh oh," said Boxy. "That means I'm not invulnerable."
"Come on, let's do this," said Zoisite. "The last round of this boxing match, fair and square."
"Okay," said Boxy. He rang the bell on his belt.
Suddenly Zoisite shot a crystal from behind him and he dropped like a boulder.
"Noooooo," said Boxy, de-transforming.
Zoisite ripped the boxing gloves off his corpse. "Aha, a new weapon! Time to eliminate all who have wronged me!"
Nephrite's doorbell rang again.
The security system instantly summoned its laser.
But Zoisite socked the laser.
"Haha," said Zoisite. He teleported home.
"Hey Kunzite!" he called. "I've converted back to my old ways. You were right when you said it was just a phase."
No one responded.
He went upstairs to see if Kunzite was napping.
When he entered, he spotted Kunzite and Beryl in his bed, in the throes of passion.
"NO!" cried Zoisite.
He threw himself into the void.
"Did you hear something?" asked Kunzite.
"No Mamoru," said Beryl.
Kunzite sighed. "It's not the best predicament, but I'll take it."
FIN
