"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Alas, me boy," said Queen Beryl. "But I am not Queen Beryl. It's Halloween, and I'm merely in a Beryl disguise."
"Who are you then?" demanded Jadeite.
"I am… Grand _ Pa!"
"No!" cried Jadeite. "What have you done with my queen!?"
"She's gone," said Grandpa sadly.
"WHERE?!" cried Jed.
"In my belly," said Grandpa, rubbing his tummy. "And you'll be joining her!"
Jed tried to run, but Grandpa extended his tongue and absorbed Jadeite.
However, Jadeite had a burst of strength like never before. He went Super Saiyan 5 and combusted inside Grandpa's void of a stomach, destroying him permanently and freeing Queen Beryl.
Beryl was in a cat costume.
"Thanks Jed," she said.
Jed stood to his feet and lowered back down to his base form. "No prob," he said.
"You know, I'm in a good mood," said Beryl. "Jadeite, I'm going to allow you to partake in the human celebration known as trick-or-treating."
"I think I've heard of it!" exclaimed Jed.
"Yes," said Beryl. "Go have the time of your life!"
"WAHOOOOOOOOO!" said Jadeite. "Wait Beryl, who do you think I should be for Halloween?"
"Doesn't matter," said Beryl. "Just do what feels right."
"Right!" said Jadeite. He dashed off.
Queen Beryl left to go to Metalia's Halloween Bash and did not return for the rest of the night.
Nephrite, and his good pals Zoisite and Kunzite sat at the Shitennou table in the Nega-café. The café was decked out for Halloween, and their table had a jack-o-lantern in the middle.
"Mmmm," said Nephrite.
"Mmmm," said Zoisite.
Jadeite ran in.
"Merry Halloween!" he shouted. He was wearing a Santa costume.
"Jadeite," said Nephrite. "It's Halloween, not Christmas!"
"Exactly," said Jed. "That's what makes this costume so OUTRAAAAAGEOUS!"
He slapped his knee and backflipped out of the room.
He paced back inside.
"So, are we all set for trick-or-treating in the human world tonight?"
"I don't know," said Nephrite. "Trick-or-treating is for babies!"
"But think of all the candy you'll get!" said Jed.
"Candy, you say?" said Nephrite. "This intrigues me. I can go for some candy."
"I can go for some suckers," said Zoisite.
"Well, then have fun," said Kunzite.
"What do you mean!?" asked Zoisite stressed out.
"I mean, I'm 25-26 in the manga," said Kunzite. "I'm too old for trick-or-treating."
"NO!" cried Zoisite. "There's no age! The older you are, the better you are at it! I have 17 years of experience, easy!"
Kunzite shook his head. "I remember when I was your age. It was all so simple back then. But alas, I have outgrown this tradition. You have fun with Nephrite and Jadeite."
"Is that even possible?!" cried Zoisite.
"Someone has to give out candy if someone wanders across here, and since Beryl's at the Halloween party we didn't get invited to, that leaves me."
He retreated to his castle.
"Darn," said Nephrite. "I didn't get a chance to tell him we live at the North Pole. Oh well."
"D'ah what a shame," said Zoisite. "Now I need to buy a new costume. We were supposed to be salt and pepper, but just being salt isn't funny at all!"
"Haha," said Jadeite. "Good thing I thought of the perfect idea. Honestly, I think in all of human history, no one has ever come up with something this brilliant. I'm pretty much a god, no, an angel. Wait no, a god's above an angel. I am a god."
Nephrite dashed off. "It's time for Maxfield Stanton to make his debut on the streets of Tokyo!"
"I don't think anyone will give you candy in that human disguise," said Jadeite.
"Shut it, wrong holiday bozo!"
Kunzite got his box of Tootsie Rolls and sat down on a stool at the North Pole entrance to the Negaverse. "The kids will love me," he thought.
Jadeite waited patiently with Kunzite for the other two to show up.
Finally Nephrite scampered over in his human garb. "Sorry for the wait, it took me a while to perfect the multiple layers of clothing and still have my Shitennou uniform underneath just in case."
"Good job," said Jadeite.
Zoisite came up in a miscolored Sailor Moon costume.
"Interesting choice," said Nephrite.
"Can it," said Zoisite. "I couldn't think of anything after Kunzite dropped the ball on me, so this was the only non-Shitennou uniform I had lying around."
"I have tons of other outfits!" bragged Jed.
"And how much energy did they get you?" asked Zoisite.
"A good clip," lied Jadeite. "Especially the gym one! Damn, that's what I should have been!"
They started to head towards Tokyo.
"Wait!" cried Kunzite. "Don't you want some candy?"
"Nah," said Neph. "We'll get enough from trick-or-treating. No need to weigh our bags down for the long walk."
"Hmph," said Kunzite with a smug grin. "Suit yourselves."
A couple miles into the Arctic Ocean, Nephrite remembered something.
"Shoot!" he said. "I forgot again to tell Kunzite we live at the North Pole, and that no one will come!"
"Darn," said Jed. "I guess he'll figure out eventually."
Kunzite sat at the Negaverse entrance for several hours.
"What's going on?" he thought. "Where are all the children? Something is wrong here!"
He looked at his full box of Tootsie Rolls and decided to eat one.
"Meh, it's not as fun when you didn't walk around for it."
Kunzite checked his watch. "10pm, huh? I'm sure the kids don't even get started till now!"
He glared into the open Arctic for a long time.
He checked his watch again. "10:05. This isn't good."
Jed, Neph, and Zoi Boy approached the next house.
"Trick or treat!" they all yelled.
The old lady put a candy in Jed's basket, and one in Zoisite's.
Nephrite held out his.
"Haha," she laughed. "You don't have a costume!"
She closed the door.
"NO!" yelled Nephrite.
They went to the next door.
"Trick or treat!"
This guy was one rich fellow. He gave Jadeite a full-sized Twix bar, and Zoisite a 99 cent bag of chips.
"Thanks!" they both said.
"You got two polite young kids there," said the guy to Nephrite.
"You think I'm their parent?" scoffed Nephrite. "Please."
"Well, you're not in a costume, what am I supposed to think? Also your daughter's beautiful."
"Thanks," said Zoisite.
The guy shut the door.
Nephrite howled incoherently. "Maxfield Stanton is simply too good of a disguise!" he wailed. "I only got a single piece of candy from that blind man, and I took a bunch from that bucket that was left outside. That's the only reason I'm close to you guys in the race!"
"It's not a contest," said Zoisite, swiping some candy from Jed when he wasn't looking. "Because if it was, I'd be winning! They obviously just can't resist my girlish charm!"
"You're a guy!" barked Nephrite. "How pathetic!"
"Oh, you're scarin' me!" said Zoisite. "What are you going to do, reveal my identity?"
"Yes," said Nephrite.
"Well at least I have an identity," laughed Zoisite. "Why didn't you dress up?"
"I did!" cried Nephrite. "My hair is totally different, and no one can recognize my face in this suit!"
"I don't see it," said Jed, tilting his head.
Jadeite knocked loudly on the next apartment door.
"Why are we hitting apartments?" asked Zoisite.
"Closer proximity," explained Jed in a pedantic tone.
The person didn't come.
Jadeite rang the doorbell rapidly.
"Alright, alright, I'm coming!" said Mamoru Chiba. "I didn't buy any candy, but I admire your persistence. I'll grab some chocolate kisses I had lying around, but I swear, if you're the Shitennou-"
He opened the door.
"Oh boy!" he groaned. "Hey, where's Kunzite?"
"He's giving out candy at the North Pole," said Nephrite.
Mamoru laughed. "I don't like that guy. Here, take some stale kisses."
"Thanks!" said Jadeite and Zoisite.
"Hey, give me one of those!" shouted Nephrite.
"Why, Nephrite?" asked Mamoru. "You're not in a costume!"
"I'm Maxfield Stanton cosplay!" Nephrite insisted.
"Yeah right," scoffed Mamo. "And I'm the prince of Earth," he said with a laugh.
"Come on!" begged Nephrite. "I'll trade you some of Jed's candy for that one piece!"
"Now you're speaking my language!" said Mamoru.
"You heard him," said Nephrite. "Jadeite give him some candy."
"Hey wait a second!" said Zoisite. "That's not fair!"
"Oh, like you care about that kind of thing," said Nephrite, slugging him.
"Hey!" cried Chiba. "Don't you hit Sailor Moon!"
"Huh?" said Nephrite. "Oh come on, the colors are so obviously wrong!"
"Mamoru, who's at the door?" asked Usagi.
"Just Sailor Moon and her Shitennou allies," said Chiba. He closed the door.
"Strange guy," said Jed.
They continued through that same building for the next hour or so.
Kunzite stared at the falling snow. He checked his watch again. "11:05?! No, no, no! What's wrong with all the kids, why aren't they out celebrating?"
Realizing that something was amiss, Kunzite called Beryl.
"Meow," she answered, not breaking character.
"Queen Beryl, I'm yet to see one child come by and take my Tootsie Rolls that I spent five whole dollars on. How were you able to give out a whole box of Reese's Pieces last year?"
"I ate them all," she explained.
"Beryl, how could you?!" said Kunzite. "That breaks the standards of Halloween!"
Beryl hung up.
"NO!" cried Kunzite. Kunzite stared at the snow some more, but it wasn't very interesting.
He called Zoisite.
The phone rung five times, and then went to voicemail.
"Sorry!" said the voice message. "I'm having too much fun trick-or-treating with Kunzite-sama right now to answer! Leave a message after the giggle! Tee hee!"
"Yes, Zoisite?" said Kunzite. There was dead silence.
Kunzite got mad and tossed the phone into the Arctic Ocean. "When will I get a customer?!"
"Hidy ho!" said Melvin approaching with his just friend Molly. "Have any goodies for me and my companion here?"
"BACK OFF!" yelled Kunzite shooting energy at them. "I'm not in the mood for this bullshit!"
"But, I'm Nephrite's friend!" said Molly.
"Even better!" said Kunzite blasting her again.
"Mess with my girl? No way!" said Melvin.
He turned into a torpedo and flung himself at Kunzite, but Kunzite caught him by the horns and threw him up into the air.
He not return.
Kunzite sat back down on his stool, fuming. "When will I get a customer?!" he repeated.
Just then, Kunzite saw figures approaching from the distance.
He took out his Tootsie Roll bowl but couldn't keep it still from his giddy shaking. "Finally, at long last…!"
"Hey Kunzite," said Zoisite. "How did it go?"
"NO!" cried Kunzite. "It's just you guys!"
Jadeite was on a sleigh, with a whole Santa's sack full of candy.
"I won the contest," he said.
All Nephrite had to show for his efforts was a 12 day old fig newton bar he had been carrying around in his pocket.
"Can I… can I trade this for a Jolly Rancher?!" he demanded.
"No," said Kunzite. "I don't have those. Only Tootsie Rolls."
"Darn," said Nephrite. They all went inside.
Kunzite waited there for the rest of his life until he turned into a statue.
Zoisite threw a single rose on his grave.
"RIP," said Nephrite.
"Riperoo," said Zoisite.
FIN
