"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"What is it?" asked Queen Metalia.

"Huh?" said Jadeite. "Who are you?"

"You have a lot to learn," said Metalia. "You know, I'm tired of all you fools continuously dying and having to be brought back by me, after I brought you back the first time and you did nothing. This is the final straw. From now on, once you die, you're dead for good."

Jed gulped. He turned around and saw Nephrite punching his palm.

"No, please!" said Jadeite. "I'm just a young boy!"

"Wait, I'm not finished," said Metalia.

Jadeite fled from the Arctic.

He started walking down the streets of Tokyo cautiously.

Everything was a hazard. A wild bus flung itself and him, and Jadeite let out a shriek. But luckily, he was standing in the right spot, and the bus knocked him down but the tires did not hit him.

"Phew," said Jadeite visible shooken.

He continued to walk. Suddenly out of nowhere, someone accidentally dropped a piano out of their window.

"Shit!" cried the guy. "That was an antique!"

Jadeite leapt for cover, dodging the piano by inches.

But when he looked up, he found himself face to face with a wild lion.

"WHY IS EVERYTHING OUT TO KILL ME?!" he cried. "NOW OF ALL TIMES!?"

He turned around and ran in the other direction.

"Jadeite!" shouted Sailor Moon. "This looks like a perfect time to finish you off!"

Jadeite pulled a quick Zoisite and teleported back to the Negaverse.

"Welcome back," said Metalia when he returned. "Anyway, as I was saying,"

"Can I speak to Beryl?" asked Jadeite.

"No," said Metalia. "I put her in an eternal sleep."

"Haha," said Jadeite.

"You're next."

"Yikes!"

"AS I WAS SAYING," continued Metalia. "Sitting around in my cave got me thinking. I think we should have a Hunger Games!"

"I haven't read that yet," said Jadeite. "Don't spoil the ending."

"Too bad," said Metalia. "You better get to reading."

Jed spawned a copy and started reading. Two days later he finished the series and returned.

"Wowie, good franchise," he said. "Wait what, you wanna have one of those?!"

"Yes," said Metalia. "And no being brought back when you die."

"BUT WHY?!" cried Jed.

"You have a lot to learn," said Metalia. "Desperation is the best motivation. No one will compete seriously if they know I'll just respawn them."

"But you will just respawn us, right?"

"No," said Metalia.

Jadeite gulped.

"Now round up the others!" shouted Metalia, but instead she just warped them in herself.

As usual they weren't prepared.

Metalia shook her non-existent head.

Kunzite did his duty and unthawed Beryl.

"What'd you do that for?" asked Queen Beryl.

"I'm hypnotized, remember?" said Kunzite.

"You have a lot to learn," said Metalia.

"No, I was asking you, Metalia," said Beryl. "Why did you put me in an eternal sleep?"

"You have a lot to learn," said Metalia. "So about these Hunger Games. You five won't be enough for a good show."

"WAIT WAIT WAIT!" said Beryl. "There are only FOUR Shitennou! Are you competing, Metalia?"

Metalia raised a non-existent eyebrow.

"NO NO NO!" said Beryl. "I'm all talk! I can't compete with a select few of these guys!"

"I knew it," said Nephrite.

"Can it," said Beryl.

"Haha," said Metalia. "This will be funner than I thought. I'll put up posters around town and see who else shows up."

"You should say it's a ski contest," suggested Kunzite.

"This is why you're not leader," said Metalia.

Kunzite gasped.

A few minutes later, the contestants showed up.

Metalia picked a few ones with personality out of the bunch, and disposed of the rest.

"Wait!" said Motoki. "I have tons of personality!"

But Metalia didn't listen and disposed of him and his sister.

"So," said Melvin, one of the survivors. "Is this like a Hunger Games laser tag, or paintball? Or some kind of roll-play?

"You have lot to learn," said Metalia.

She spawned an arena and warped them all to random locations.

"Here are the rules," said Metalia. "There are no rules. Last one standing wins. Good luck."

"LET ME OUT!" cried Beryl. "I'M THE QUEEN!"

She turned around and Nephrite punched his palm. Beryl took off into the bushes.

Melvin knew that a large portion of the competition greatly outmatched him, and thus he had to strategize to survive.

"I have a 110 in math class," he said to himself. "I easily outsmart everyone except for Mercury."

With that, he began to climb a tree. "Easy does it," he said. "I'll just wait up here until everyone else kills each other! Then I'll swoop in and take out the remainder when they're weak from battle."

He took another step up the tree, but his foot slipped. He fell down and broke his neck.

Metalia rang a big bell. "Contestant Melvin, eliminated!"

"Idiot," said Nephrite.

"Darnit," said Molly. "Now to try and find Nephrite!"

"Hey Molly," said Jed bumping into her.

"Hmm," thought Jadeite. "If I help Nephy find his girl, maybe he'll let me in on his team! However, this can be my one chance to actually defeat someone before I die!"

Suddenly, Kunzite climbed out of a bush nearby.

"Aha!" he said. "So you finally decided to surrender!"

Molly and Jadeite fled without their legs, but Kunzite was on a hot pursuit.

"Look!" cried Jadeite. "The Moon Princess!"

"Where?!" cried Kunzite spinning around.

When he turned back around they were gone. "Drat, I've lost them AND the moon princess!"

It was then that a visibly shooken Zoisite flew into his arms.

"Oh Kunzite, I was so scared! I heard Nephrite's hardy laughter echoing through the trees and my whole life flashed before my eyes!"

"Haha, no need to worry anymore, Zoi-kun! I'll protect you."

"Ok," began Zoisite. "Now that I can hear my own thoughts over my teeth chattering, let's devise a plan. So far from what I've seen and heard of the competition, our foes are: Nephrite, Jadeite, Melvin already died, Beryl, Molly, Shingo, Grandpa, Chad, Diana the baby cat, one form of Mamoru Chiba but I'm not sure which, Crane Machine Joe, Yaten base form, Chibi-usa… and I think that's it."

"Hmm, so there's 15 in all? That's an odd number, but let's not worry about that for now."

Kunzite pondered it. "Yeah, out of that competition I'm easily the strongest of all. Except for Grandpa, but my speed surpasses him, so this whole thing should be a curbstomp. Just stay behind me Zoisite, and you won't get harmed at all."

"Yipee!" said Zoisite. "I slip under the radar yet again!"

Kunzite and Zoisite set off to eliminate some of the stronger foes, namely, base Yaten, Grandpa, Queen Beryl, Nephrite for personal reasons and not necessarily for strength, and Crane Machine Joe.


Jadeite and Molly wandered towards Nephrite's echoing laughter.

"I think we're getting closer," said Moll.

"Yeah, if only we could sense power levels," said Jed.

Suddenly a wild foe leapt at them out of the bushes.

Whoever it was, socked Molly and sent her in a peril state.

"Uh oh," thought Jadeite. "If it's not Nephrite, then-"

He was about to leg it, when he got socked in the chops. However it had no effect.

Jadeite picked up the opponent by the back of the shirt and held him up to the light.

"Hey, let me go!" squeaked Shingo. He threw punches but he couldn't reach Jed.

"D'ah," said Jed. "It's just a lil' squirt. Hey, lil' squirt!"

Shingo spit in his face, and Jadeite went to finish him off.

"Looks like I'm gonna get a kill after all!"

"Hey I know you!" said Molly. "You're Usagi's brother!"

"What of it?" barked Shingo.

"Come on Jadeite, spare the poor kid. It's not like he's a threat!"

Molly climbed to her feet, shaking.

"Do you wanna go?" asked Shingo.

"No thanks," said Molly.

Another foe walked in front of them.

"Nephrite?!" called Molly hopefully.

Queen Beryl smirked. "Ah, Jadeite, and his two meat shields. Even without my crystal ball, I should make light work of them!"

"Queen Beryl!" said Jadeite. "Let's work together!"

"I'll pass," said Beryl. "If I'm gonna team, I'm gonna team with someone good!"

With that, Beryl spawned a giant crystal. "AHHHHHHHH!" she shrieked.

Jadeite, Molly, and Shingo leapt into the foliage for cover.

"Get back here!" yelled Beryl.

"We don't have enough time to find Nephrite!" realized Jed. "Almost everyone in this competition is stronger than me besides the weak humans! Except for Zoisite who's smarter but not stronger!"

"Then what do we do?!" cried Molly.

"Let's get out of here!" decided Jed.

"You mean escape the Hunger Games?!"

"Yes," said Jadeite. "Easy. We'll slip out and no one will notice."

"Heh," said Shingo. "This old coot might just be onto something."

"Huh?" said Jadeite. "I'm just a wee lad! Well, not a lil' midge boy like you, but I'm certainly not old!"

Shingo went to get in another snarky remark, but they heard gunfire in the distance.

"Let's leg it!" said Molly.

They quickly scurried to the edge of the map, and hopped the fence.

They saw the exit of the Negaverse, but first they had to run through 50 meters of deadzone.

"We can make it," promised Jed. "Run as fast as your legs can take you!"

"Uh oh," said Shingo. "My legs are stubby."

"Haha," said Jadeite.

He took off to the exit, ditching the humans. Five meters out of the map, Metalia appeared.

Jadeite tripped over his own feet and fell to the ground.

"Oops!" cried Jadeite. "This wasn't the map anymore? My bad, I'm heading back in!"

Metalia erased Jed and the other escapees.

She rang a bell. "The following bozos were eliminated: Jadeite, Molly, and Shingle."

"NO!" cried Nephrite.

"Haha," laughed Zoisite.

That's when they realized they were near each other.

Nephrite took the opportunity and charged Zoisite like a Wildman. He leapt out of the bushes with eyes full of bloodlust, but then he spotted Kunzite. He skidded to a halt and did a quick 360.

"After him!" yelled Zoisite.

They dashed into the bushes after Nephrite.

Kunzite was hot on his tail, but Nephrite took a quick slide to the right and covered his tracks.

When Zoisite caught up moments later panting, Kunzite frowned.

"I don't know how he gave me the slip! I was right on him, then bam! It's like he vanished!"

"Don't worry about it," said Zoisite. "If we come across him again we'll just kill him then."


"Alright, Chad," said Grandpa. "Do you have your broom?"

"SHyyaaa yaaa!" said Chad.

"Good," said Grandpa. "We're gonna need it."

"Who should we take out first?" asked Chad.

"Let's stay away from Zoisite," said Grandpa. "I might win, but it will be close."

"I know who," said Chad. "Let's get that white-ponytailed dweeb up there! Hey, queerboy!"

Yaten base spun around. "Hmm, regular earthlings? Easy pickings."

Yaten base charged despite his lack of abilities.

Chad threw a quick karate chop, but Yaten leapt over him with his hands still in his pockets.

He landed in front of Grandpa and threw a quick punch.

"Ouch!" cried Grandpa.

"I'll have you know," said Yaten. "I fought with THE Makoto Hino in this form. And I was somehow superior!"

Grandpa was shaking in his boots. "Should I go lobster?" he wondered.

But he didn't have time to think because another blow went flying his way.

However, Grandpa was a superb martial artist. He caught the blow and delivered one of equal strength.

Yaten made the mistake of underestimating Grandpa, and the blow landed painfully on his cheek.

"That's it, old man!" he shouted.

He threw a high-kick at Grandpa, but kick-boxing was one of the many forms of martial arts that Grandpa learned in his youth.

He snapped Yaten's foot in half with his own powerful thigh, and then did a flip kick, slicing off Yaten's pony tail.

"NO!" cried Yaten. "That's the source of my strength!"

While Yaten was mourning the loss of his ponytail he had been growing out since he was just a girl, Chad went in to karate chop him in the back.

But Yaten sensed his low power level and dodged the blow, causing Chad's chop to collide with Grandpa's shiny bald noggin.

"Chad!" shouted Grandpa. He slugged Chad so hard all his bones broke.

Chad crumpled to the ground.

Yaten used this state of peril to his advantage, and disposed of Chad with one stomp.

"NO!" said Grandpa. "I only wanted to hurt the boy, not kill him! You're gonna pay for that!"

Grandpa was so angry that he turned lobster without even thinking about it.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he shouted.

Yaten realized he should have transformed a little sooner.

But he was already dead from the shockwaves of Grandpa's transformation.

Beryl and the Shitennou sensed Grandpa's power from all corners of the map.

"Yikes," said Zoisite. "We should stay away from there."

"I agree," said Kunzite. "We'll take him out at the end."

Just then, Crane Machine Joe leapt out of the bushes and threw a punch.

"Zoi!" yelled Zoisite, holding off Crane Machine with simple petals.

Crane Machine realized he had to take his true form. Video Game Joe, the Youma, emerged.

It ignored Zoisite and went straight for Kunzite.

Kunzite wiped him out with simple magic.

"HAHAHAHAHAHHA!" yelled Kunzite. "No one is strong enough to stop me here! They should just call the competition now!"

"Hmm," said a voice.

"Haha," laughed Kunzite. "Is it time for my next victim already?"

He turned around and saw a season two baddie, and it wasn't Rubeus or Emerald.

"Uh oh," said Kunzite.

Sapphire fired a powerful blast, wiping out Zoisite and mortally wounding Kunzite.

"NO!" cried Kunzite. "You won't get away with this!"

Kunzite fled.


Nephrite was still running when he smashed into Beryl.

Beryl readied her crystal, but dropped it when she saw it was Nephrite.

"Oh boy," said Beryl. "I didn't even get to take out Jed."

Nephrite put on a cocky smirk. "I don't have time for the likes of you Beryl. I have bigger fish to fry."

"You mean you want to go get beat up by Kunzite?" Beryl asked.

"Can it," said Nephrite.

"Listen," said Beryl. "If we were to come to blows, it would be a pretty even fight."

Nephrite laughed. "No, I'd curbstomp you."

"I wouldn't say curb," said Beryl. "But it would still be a close one."

"No," repeated Nephrite.

"Anyway," said Beryl. "Both of us are too weak to take out Kunzite, or Grandpa on our own. We should team up."

Nephrite analyzed his competition momentarily. "D'ah," he finally said. "It hurts my pride but I have no other option."

Nephrite chuckled quietly. "After me and Beryl take out everyone, I can take her out like a walk in the park."

Beryl started to sweat, but she knew she'd cross that bridge when she came to it.

They climbed a tree to lookout and see if any foes were approaching.


Chiba-usa wandered through the woods in a hot sweat.

"Why did I get brought into this one?! I'm usually not a part of these stories, and I'd like for it to stay that way!"

Suddenly a cross-eyed red apeman approached her.

"Hello, friendly ape," she said nervously.

Grandpa licked his lips.

"Yikes!" squeaked Chibi-usa. She headed for the hills, but Grandpa's strong suit was his speed.

He picked her up in one of his big meaty claws, and held her above his open gullet.

"Not so fast!" said Tuxedo Mask from a treetop. "Young girls don't deserve to be eaten by perverted old men disguised as lobsters! You don't know who I am, and you don't want to, because I-"

Grandpa let out another soundwave shriek, destroying Tuxedo Mask.

"NO!" cried Chibi-usa, injured but not out. She knew it was time for her last and only resort. "Crystal twinkle bell!"

But no one came.

Pegasus started to head towards the Negaverse, he really did, but knew he was no match for Metalia. He went home. "Now to find myself another youngling, preferably even younger!"

"D'ah," said Chibi-usa.

Grandpa made her no more.

"Who's next?!" bellowed Grandpa.

Beryl and Nephrite, who saw the battle from miles away, looked at each other.

"After you," said Nephrite. "Ladies first!"

"Exactly, so you go!" insisted Beryl.

"I'm not a girl," said Nephrite.

"Your hair says otherwise," said Beryl.

"Alright, alright, I'll go," said Nephrite. "No need to be mean!"

Nephrite headed towards Grandpa, dragging Beryl with him.

"Hey you!" said Nephrite.

Grandpa turned around.

"Ugly beast," spat Nephrite.

Grandpa was so furious that he forgot his basic training and charged without looking at his surroundings.

Nephrite called forth the power of the stars. "Starlight Attack!" he shouted.

Grandpa tanked through it, but was slowed down by 50%. Right as he neared Nephrite, and got ready to attack, there was an opening.

Beryl did her one move. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed, throwing her black crystal right at Grandpa's heart.

Normally, he would have heard her screech and dodged, but as mentioned before he forgot his basic training and didn't look as his surroundings.

He was moondusted.

"Easy does it," said Nephrite.

"That was all me," said Beryl.

"You have a lot to learn," said Nephrite. "Desperation is the best motivation."

"Do you want to die?" asked Beryl.

"Try me," said Nephrite.

Suddenly Kunzite appeared.

"Well, well, well," he said. "I guess I can finish you two off before I meet Zoisite's fate. It's a real shame, I used to like Beryl. Oh well."

"WAIT WAIT WAIT!" cried Beryl. "What do you mean, meet Zoisite's fate?"

"Some crazy season two guy is after me!" said Kunzite. "I wouldn't have thought Metalia would have thrown in such a curbstomper!"

"Season two guy?" sputtered Beryl. "Is it Rubeus, Emerald, or the sisters?!"

"That's just it," said Kunzite. "It's not."

Beryl and Nephrite gasped.

"So you can't kill us!" exclaimed Nephrite.

"That's a relief," said Beryl.

"I can still kill you," said Kunzite. "In no time flat, actually. But Nephrite's right, I might need your assistance."

"I don't know if I wanna help," said Nephrite.

"Would you prefer to die now then?" asked Kunzite. "Or after we beat Sapphire? It's your call, I don't really care anymore."

"Hmm," thought Nephrite. "Maybe Kunzite will be so weakened after the scrap, I can actually take him down. It's worth the shot."

"Alright," said Nephrite. "I guess I'll help."

"Hmm," said Kunzite. "Here he comes."

"How do you know?" asked Beryl.

Kunzite shook his head. "You have a lot to learn, for example how to sense power levels."

Beryl summoned a huge crystal. "AHHHHHHHHH!"

"What was that?" asked Kunzite.

"It's part of the attack," explained Beryl. "I figured I'd do the scream beforehand, so maybe I could sneak up on the guy."

"Hey there," said Sapphire.

"Hello," said Nephrite.

"You know," said Sapphire. "I thought this was a season 2+ competition I was signing up for. I'm a little disappointed."

"Hmm," said Nephrite.

"THIS ONE'S FOR ZOISITE!" shouted Kunzite wildly charging.

"I CALL FORTH THE POWER OF THE STARS!" yelled Nephrite.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" repeated Beryl at double volume.

They all fired their best attacks, and it was a close battle.

Nephrite and Beryl were the first to drop.

"Surprise, surprise," thought Kunzite. "Whelp time to go all out!"

Kunzite went all out, and lasted for longer than anyone expected, but sadly it wasn't enough.

However, Sapphire did sustain major injuries from the struggle.

"Wow," said Sapphire. "I didn't think he had it in him. Whelp, looks like I won anyway, which is all that really matters."

Suddenly he heard steps that sounded like suction cups on a window.

Before he could even turn around, something nipped his ear, and he was defeated.

Diana the baby cat let out a light mew.

"Mewww," she mewed.

"WE HAVE A WINNER!" shouted Metalia, who had also realized she stopped announcing the deaths long ago.

Metalia pulled Diana the baby cat from the battle field.

"So it's you," said Metalia. "The toughest of the entire competition. The point of this was to choose someone to be the queen of the Negaverse. Congratulations, Queen. You've earned it."

"Thanks," said baby cat.

Metalia smiled.

"But no thanks," said baby cat.

She nipped Metalia, and Metalia was no more.

"Good fight," said Diana. "Back to the future for me!"

Diana returned to her time and told no one of her true power.

FIN