"Queen Beryl!" began Jadeite. But then he paused.

There was someone already talking to Beryl, and it wasn't one of the Shitennou or Beryl's Youma crew.

"Who… who are you?" asked Jadeite.

"Jadeite!" shouted Beryl. "That's no way to address the new recruit!"

"New recruit?" repeated Jadeite.

"Ho ho ho, you must be Jadeite," said Kenji, Usagi's dad.

"NO!" cried Jadeite. "What the hell is this?!"

All the other Shitennou stormed in in a huff.

"Usagi's dad?! Are you serious?!" demanded Nephrite.

Kunzite was the most mad. "Are we just letting anyone in here now?! We are the Shitennou, the elite four! The four heavenly kings!"

"I wouldn't go that far," said Beryl.

"We can't even call ourselves Shitennou anymore!" shouted Kunzite. "It has four in it, there can't be five!"

"What do you think this is, a Japanese word or something?" scoffed Beryl.

"Well actually," began Nephrite.

"I don't want to hear it," said Beryl. "You'll treat the new Shitennou with respect."

"No!" cried Nephrite. "We don't even treat each other with respect!"

"Come on!" cried Zoisite. "First Melvin, then Crane Machine Joe, and now Kenji?! We're getting new members with less and less personality each time! Next you're gonna put in someone like Motoki or Motoki's sister!"

Queen Beryl gasped. "How dare you even compare Kenji to someone like that?! I have known Kenji my whole life! He was like a father to me."

"Lies!" cried Kunzite. "I remember the Moon Kingdom days! He was nowhere to be seen!"

"Ho ho ho," said Kenji. "That's just what I wanted you to think!"

"Queen Beryl!" exclaimed Zoisite. "I won't stand for this. What some of us lacked in skill we made up for in personality! But this guy has neither!"

"You have a lot to learn, Zoisite," said Kenji.

"Beeeerrrryyyyylllll! Don't let him talk to me like that!" cried Zoisite.

"Don't talk to Kenji like that!" shouted Beryl.

Zoisite started to cry.

"Cry all you want!" barked Beryl. "All of you can go sleep eternally right now if you can't get along with Kenji!"

Everyone looked at Kenji, who shrugged.

Nephrite had started to calm down unlike the others. "Why did you join the Shitennou?" he wanted to know.

"Well," began Kenji.

They all waited for his reason, but he never gave one.

Then suddenly Jadeite realized something. "Wait a minute, there's someone lower rank than-"

"Kenji," said Beryl. "I'm promoting you to…"

She looked at the crew. "Hmm, I guess your power is probably somewhere in between Nephrite and Kunzite. As such you will be one rank lower than Kunzite. But you'll be pretty close to Kunzite. Within passing range."

"He has no strength!" shouted Kunzite.

"Neither does Zoisite," said Beryl. "But he's higher ranking than Jed."

Jadeite punched the floor in anger. "Why is it always me?"

"Yeah," continued Kunzite. "But Zoisite has mental strength! This doofus couldn't tell a triangle from a square!"

"That's not true," said Kenji. "I can tell a triangle from your mom!"

"OHOHOHOHOHOHO!" laughed Beryl. "This guy's a wisecracker!"

"This is ridiculous," said Kunzite storming off. "I'm looking for employment elsewhere."

"Yeah cya boys," said Zoisite leaving with him.

"Well well well," said Beryl. "Look what we have here. Since Kunzite has forfeited his position, Kenji has just been promoted to leader of the Shitennou!"

"NOOOOOOO!" cried Neph and Jed. "What kind of life is this!?"


"Queen Beryl!" yelled Kenji. "I found a new source of energy!"

Kenji had a piece of toast in his mouth and was wearing his generic Japanese guy clothes.

"Kenji, what's with the toast?" asked Beryl.

"Heh heh," chuckled Kenji. "I got up late and I had to rush out. You have a lot to learn."

"Fair enough," said Beryl. "So what's this new source?"

"Well," began Kenji. "I think we should go around murdering everyone. Then, we'll take their energy off their cold dead corpses!"

"Wow," said Beryl, speechless. "See, this is why I chose you. You think outside the box. If we get them right away, they probably will still have some energy left!"

"Thanks," said Kenji. "It's what I do."

"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Ok," said Beryl. "Explain it to me and Kenji."

"Umm… does he have to be around?" asked Jadeite.

"Yes," said Beryl. "Now go on."

Jadeite took a deep breath. "Well okay! So the humans have this thing called love…"

"Hmm," said Beryl. "I think I've heard of it."

"Oh ho ho, I as well," echoed Kenji.

Jadeite paused and glared at him. "Anyway, we can use this powerful energy to unleash the Negapower!"

"Ho ho ho," said Kenji. "I like the way you think!"

Jadeite glared at him again. "I can wait," said Jadeite.

Kenji's facial expression didn't falter at all.

Jadeite was lost in a battle of wills, and eventually went home halfway through his speech.

"Queen Beryl," said Kenji once he left. "Why do you put up with that guy?"

"You have a lot to learn, Kenji," said Beryl.

"I disagree," said Kenji. "I'm very in the knowhow."

"Okay," said Beryl. "I'll take your word for it. Now run along and start with that scheme! I expect great things from you!"


"Hey, umm…. Queen Beryl," said Kunzite.

"Well well well," said Queen Beryl. "Look who came crawling back. I'm ashamed of you, Kunzite."

"I understand," said Kunzite. "Getting work in the human world wasn't as easy as we expected it'd be."

"I hope you're ready to accept the consequences of your actions," said Beryl.

Kunzite shrugged.

Queen Beryl killed Zoisite.

"NO!" cried Kunzite. "QUEEN BERYL!"

"You asked for it, wiseguy," said Beryl.

"QUEEN BERYL!" repeated Kunzite. "Could you please revive him?"

"I'm sorry," said Beryl. "But that's Kenji's decision to make. Zoisite was a Shitennou and Kenji is in charge of the Shitennou thanks to you."

"Shit," said Kunzite.

He called up Kenji.

"Ho ho ho, I can't pick up the phone now. Please leave a message, unless you're Usagi or Shingo! If so, then buzz off!"

"Hey… uh, Kenji is it? This is Kunzite, the former leader of the Shitennou. Beryl had a little accident, and I need you to come approve something. Call me back ASAP!"

Suddenly he heard giggling on the other line.

"Hey, this isn't voicemail!" he shouted.

"LOL!" said Kenji and he hung up.

"Yeah," said Kunzite. "He said he approves."

"You had it on speaker," replied Beryl.

"Shit!" said Kunzite. "I never could work these things!"

"Zoisite stays dead," said Beryl.

"Then I quit!" shouted Kunzite. He stormed off again.

"Hmph," said Beryl. "I'll have to get Kenji to deal with that guy."

Beryl called in two cleaning Youmas and they rolled Zoisite up in the rug and took him to the inferno.

Kunzite was livid when he heard the news.

"Kenji will pay dearly for this!" he shouted.


"Hmm, I hope this wasn't Usagi's middle school," said Kenji as he zapped energy from Juuban Junior High School students.

Suddenly Sailor Moon appeared.

"What gives?" demanded Kenji.

"Papa?!" cried Sailor Moon.

"Ho ho ho," said Kenji. "You gave away your identity!"

"Why are you doing this?!" demanded Sailor Moon.

Kenji sneered. "You have a lot to learn. You're no match for the Negapower!"

He charged up Kunzite's twin boomerangs of death.

That's when Kunzite appeared. He gasped.

"Hello," said Kenji.

"What are you doing?!" demanded Kunzite. "Why do you have my weapons?"

"I was going to use Zoisite petals," said Kenji. "But they're kind of gay. Also he's dead ho ho! They rolled him up in a mat!"

Kunzite charged with all he had.

Kenji stood there unfaltering.

"Huh," said Sailor Moon when she saw her two enemies fighting. "Whose side should I be on?"

Kunzite was getting angrier now. "You're no match for-"

"I already said that line, ho ho!" taunted Kenji.

Kunzite threw a wild punch, but Kenji sidestepped.

"Tsk tsk," said Kenji. "You should know when you're outmatched!"

"How is he so strong!?" demanded Kunzite. "He's just a regular human!"

"Beats me," said Sailor Moon.

Kunzite killed Sailor Moon. "Easy does it," he said.

Kenji was furious. "That was my daughter!"

"Huh?" said Kunzite. He tried to do the calculations, but Kenji cut him off with a quick chop.

Kunzite doubled over in pain.

"It's time to go," said Kenji. He let himself get sucked into a portal and fled.

"KENJIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" yelled Kunzite.


"Yeah," continued Kunzite in the Negacafe. "And then he stole your teleport, Jadeite!"

Jadeite gasped. "I will not stand for this!"

"If only Zoisite was here," said Nephrite taking a bite out of his cheeseburger.

Kunzite contemplated killing Nephrite, but knew he needed all the brawn he could get.

"So what's the plan to take this goon out?" asked Jadeite. "Or at least get him demoted below me!"

"That will never happen," said Nephrite.

Jadeite sighed. "I know, I know. Oooh, I got it! Let's use a piece of shrimp on a fishing rod and lure him into the abyss! It always works in times like this!"

"Hmm, you might be onto something," considered Kunzite. "But instead of shrimp, what if we use toast?"

Nephrite and Jadeite stood up and clapped. "Now we've got ourselves a plan!"


Kenji walked down the hall, spinning the Negakeys on his finger and whistling. "Another great day of being Kenji," he said.

Suddenly a wild piece of toast flew in front of his vision.

His instincts took over, and he lunged at it.

But the toast flew ahead of his lunge.

Kenji got on all fours and chased after it like a wild mutt.

The toast stopped moving, and he made one final lunge for it. That's when the ground dropped out and he fell into the abyss!

"Easy does it!" said Jadeite lowering his fishing rod.

"It's not over yet," said Kunzite. "He might escape."

They waited three days and he didn't escape.

"Well I guess we got him," said Kunzite.

They left.

Two minutes later Kenji climbed out of the abyss. "That was a close one."


"Now to try and talk to Queen Beryl about reviving Zoisite," said Kunzite.

"I don't about that," said Nephrite. "That Beryl's a stubborn one, and I'm not too fond of him anyway!"

Kunzite decided one more outburst and Nephrite was no more.

"Queen Beryl!" began Kunzite when they entered her throne room.

"And then I said," continued Kenji. "Ho ho ho, all in a day's work! And that's how I got my high school job as a fisherman!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the three Shitennou.

"Oh hey guys," said Kenji turning around. "I was just telling my good pal Beryl here-"

"I thought we killed you!" cried Jadeite.

"Oh, that reminds me," said Kenji. "Could you please kill Jadeite?"

"Already done," said Beryl.

Jadeite was no more.

"Nooooo!" said Nephrite unenthusiastically.

"Good fight," said Kunzite.

"Better luck next time," said Kenji. He went home.

That's when Kunzite decided they had to take drastic measures.

"Alright Nephrite, it's just you and me," he said.

"Good thing we don't have Zoisite to weigh us down!" remarked Nephrite.

Kunzite really didn't want to take out Nephrite, because he could have been of assistance, but he was a man of his word. He killed Nephrite.

"Whelp Kunzite, it's all you now," he said out loud.

"Haha," said Prince Endymion emerging from the shadows. "By the way, did you know Kenji promoted me to being your boss?"

Kunzite thought fast and took down Prince Endymion and hog-tied him.

"Hahaha," said Kunzite. "I have the perfect plan."


Queen Beryl entered her throne room. But sitting in her throne was a bomb.

Tied to one side of the bomb was Kenji, and to the other was Prince Endymion.

"HEEEEELP!" they both cried.

"Who could have done this!?" thought Beryl. "Well let's see… who's still alive?"

"Alright you got me," said Kunzite stepping forward. "But that bomb will go off in 30 seconds. They are tied with magical rope, so you only have time to save one! Looks like you'll have to put down ol' Kenji, huh?"

Queen Beryl started to sweat. She looked at Endymion, then Kenji, then Endymion again.

"Who should I pick!?" she cried. "I have loved Endymion my whole life, but Kenji just has too much personality!"

The clock ticked down to three more seconds.

She probably could have untied both if she hadn't spent so much time thinking.

"Fine!" she shouted.

She grabbed someone and teleported, and the bomb exploded.

"Heh heh heh," laughed Kunzite, expecting to pick Kenji's glasses out of the rubble.

But instead, a rose floated to the surface of the rubble.

"NO!" cried Kunzite.

Beryl reappeared with Kenji.

"Ho ho ho," said Kenji.

"Kunzite!" shouted Beryl. "How could you?!"

"Hey!" said Kunzite. "You killed Zoisite! And made me kill Nephrite."

"I didn't make you kill Nephrite!" yelled Beryl.

"Huh, I guess you're right," said Kunzite. "But that first thing!"

Beryl decided to put Kunzite in an eternal sleep.

Kenji drew a smiley face on his crystal.

"Good thinking," said Beryl. "Now, let's me and you take over the universe together!"

"Oooohhh," said Kenji. "This is awkward. You see, yesterday I was actually offered my old job at the rice farms. I was going to tell you, but I hadn't gotten around to it. Goodbye."

Kenji went home.

"WHAT?!" screamed Beryl. She stormed down to Metalia and sighed. "You know the deal," groaned Beryl.

"I'M ALIVE!" cried Jed.

FIN