"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Jadeite," said Beryl.

Jadeite put his hands up defensively.

"Where's Kunzite been? I haven't seen him in many chapters," Beryl demanded.

"What's wrong with Jed chapters?" asked Jed.

"Queen Beryl!" demanded Zoisite entering the room. "If I could be so bold, I think it's time for a Zoisite chapter."

"Ewww, no," said Beryl. "That sounds gay. I remember your last chapter, you gave me my Crystal Ball painted silver and told me it was the Silver Imperial Crystal."

"That was many chapters ago," said Zoisite. "Just give me another chance, m'queen. And I think I've had other chapters since then."

"No I don't think so," said Beryl. "That's the only chapter that stands out when I think Zoisite chapter."

"What about the one where I dined and dashed? That was a good one," admitted Zoisite.

"Yes," agreed Beryl. "But too many good ones in a row will make Jadeite chapters ten times worse."

"But Queen Beryl," pleaded Zoisite.

"Silence," said Beryl. "Where's Kunzite?"

"He said he would be here in a-"

"I'm here," said Kunzite, prancing in. "My, what a beautiful day! WAHOOOOOOOOO! Good morning, Jadeite! How are you doing?!"

Jadeite gushed. "I'm doing well, thanks for asking."

"ZOISITE, MY LOVE!"

He ran up and gave Zoisite a peck on the cheek.

Zoisite giggled like a schoolgirl. "Not in front of Queen Beryl!" he insisted giddily.

"Queen Beryl!" yelled Kunzite. "Have you lost weight?"

"Kunzite why are you sucking up to me?" asked Beryl. "Did you kill Mamoru Chiba?"

"Ah, Mamoru Chiba!" recalled Kunzite. "Where's that guy been, anyway? He's my best friend!"

"Hmm," thought Beryl. "Something is amiss." But she couldn't express it and let it go.

"Say Kunzite, since you're in such a good mood, why not take a crack at getting the Silver Crystal?"

"I'll go hypnotize some humans for you!" offered Zoisite.

"What?" asked Kunzite in shock. "Why would I use humans to do my dirty work? I'll take on all the sailors without ten episodes of filler! Hoo ha!"

He teleported away in a blaze of flashing lights and colors.

"Oooooh," said Jadeite. "Where'd he learned that one?"

Zoisite was dazed. "I'm not sure."

Beryl still had a nagging feeling, so she brought up Kunzite on her crystal ball. "Let's see what he's really up to. I bet he's recruiting humans right now!"

However he was not.

He socked Sailor Mercury straight in the chops, and then kneed her in the stomach. He picked her up and bent her like a twig. He threw her remains at the other Sailor Scouts.

"You monster!" howled Makoto.

Kunzite summoned his twin blades of fury. He charged the Sailors on foot.

He threw the blades and Sailor Moon deflected them with the Moon Wand. But he was already behind her, and delivered a swift karate chop to her pressure points taking her out.

The rest of the Sailor Scouts fled for the hills.

Kunzite exploded the hills and they were no more.

He picked the Silver Crystal up off Sailor Moon's brutally bashed corpse and put it on a string around his neck.

"Mmm," he said, appearing before Beryl.

"Queen Beryl, I-"

"I saw!" exclaimed Beryl. "But what was that, Kunzite?! There was no filler or convoluted schemes to be found! And you hardly used any energy-based attacks!"

"It was amazing!" said Zoisite. "I love to see a man who fights with his fists!"

Nephrite walked in, punching open the door.

"I heard Kunzite has been competent, and I don't like it one bit. I'm the only one who fights with my fists here!"

Kunzite socked Nephrite in the chops, toppling him.

"Wow, you're so rash!" exclaimed Zoisite. "And short-tempered!"

Zoisite threw himself at Kunzite.

"I remember when you used to be mild and wouldn't just kill Nephrite right away. And you didn't even care when Beryl killed me! But now you're a new man!"

"Now that's not true," said Kunzite. "I would have taken her out but my hands were tied."

"Expand," said Zoisite.

"Look at the time," said Kunzite. "I have to go to my yoga class!"

He teleported away in a blaze of fire.

The flames burnt off Nephrite's eyebrows.

"NO!" he howled. "I spent months on those! AHHHHH!"

12 minutes later Kunzite returned in a hot sweat.

"That was a good yoga session. I had a great meditation."

"Kunzite will you marry me?" asked Jadeite.

"Back off!" howled Zoisite.

"Wanna take this outside?" asked Jed.

"Nah, I'm good right here," said Zoisite, spawning a crystal behind Jeddo.

"Hey stop that," said Kunzite. "Everyone's life is valuable! Especially my precious best friends!"

Kunzite placed his hand on Jadeite's cheek. "Oh, my dear Jadeite. Did my boy hurt you?"

"No," said Jadeite blushing. His eyes were twinkling.

Zoisite was steamed but didn't know how to express it.

"I always knew Kunzite was gay," said Nephrite snapping his fingers.

"What gave it away?" asked Zoisite.

"Well," Nephrite began to elaborate.

"Hey, let's all go out to dinner!" offered Kunzite. "My treat!"

"Hot dog!" yelled Beryl.

"The whole Negaverse is invited!" said Kunzite.

"Are you sure about that?" asked Zoisite. "There's a lot of Youmas in the Negaverse."

"Nah lol I killed them all with my incompetency," reminded Jed.

"Ah," said Zoisite. "Carry on."


The Negaverse sat down at Crown Pavilion, Motoki's sister's fancy late-night restaurant, where all the couples went for dates.

"Now," said Kunzite. "Order anything you want! It's all on me!"

"Even the lobster?" asked Jed. "It's $400!"

"Order as much as you want," said Kunzite.

"Even this $9,000 caviar?" asked Nephrite.

"Especially that $9,000 caviar!" said Kunzite. "Just for you, my precious boy Nephrite!"

"Hmm," said Zoisite.

"I'll take the fillet mignon, hohoho!" laughed Kenji.

"With gold shavings!" added Kunzite.

"Kunzite are you sure you have that kind of money?" asked Zoisite.

"Don't worry, I can spawn it!"

"But that will take a lot of energy for as much as you're spending."

"Nah, I spawned a mountain with little effort," said Nephrite. "This should be a piece of cake for ol' Kunzy!"

"HAHAHAHAHA you're so funny!" said Kunzite with genuine laughter.

"Kunzite!" said Beryl. "I thought you were just taking the Negaverse! Why'd you bring Melvin and Diana, and Shingo and Grandpa?!"

"It was my treat," said Kunzite. "I value them too, and I want my WHOLE family to be here!"

"Aww gee, that's sweet," said Mamoru Chiba. "For someone that uses humans to do their dirty work! Hehe!"

"HAHAHAHA!" laughed Kunzite. "I do do that, but I didn't today! I'm improving, haha! Hahahaha! AHAHAHHA!"

Zoisite started to catch a giggle too, even though it wasn't that funny. But Kunzite's laugh was contagious.

"AHahahahah," they both laughed.

Beryl started to laugh too, so Jed did out of force of habit. Soon the entire restaurant was catching a chortle.

"Whew," said Kunzite. "You guys are so much fun!"

Motoki's sister approached him, still giggling. "Haha, what do you want to order?" she asked.

"Oh my gosh!" said Kunzite.

"What?" asked Motoki's sister.

Kunzite got down on his knees. "It's such a privilege to be served by such a beautiful young lady! I'll appreciate this forever!"

He gave an honored bow from the ground.

Motoki's sister was in a hot gush.

"Hey now!" yelled Jadeite and Zoisite in unison.

"Just for you," giggled Motoki's sister. "I'll give you a free meal!"

"I could never take advantage of the system!" howled Kunzite. "In fact, I'll pay double for this meal, and give you a blank check for your tip!"

"Please, don't," said Motoki's sister panting.

"No, no, I insist! For your expert service!"

He gave her the blank check and she left to cash it.

"Bye Motoki's sister," said Zoisite angrily.

She growled at him before she left.

Everyone ate to their heart's content.

"I'm gonna die," said Nephrite.

"Oh no," said Kunzite. "We can't have that! Let's all go take a hike to burn the calories!"

"I'm good," said Grandpa, laying down and dying.

"I'm so full," said Shingo. "I don't think I'm gonna make it."

He didn't make it.

The rest of them left for the hike.

"How much longer?" asked Beryl, using a huge crystal as a walking cane.

"We just arrived at the trail!" said Kunzite.

"AHHHHHHHH!" screamed Beryl, throwing her crystal. It hit Zoisite and he was taken down a notch.

"HEEEY!" shouted Kunzite. "How dare you do that to my boy!"

"Now, now," said Zoisite giddily. "I wouldn't want you to…. hurt Beryl over me or anything!"

Kunzite grabbed Beryl by the shirt collar and lifted her up despite her being taller than him.

"If you ever, and I mean ever, throw a crystal at my boy toy again,"

Beryl was shaking like a leaf.

"Stop it!" said Jed, throwing himself at Kunzite.

Kunzite fell over, and he was bloodlusted.

He socked Jadeite in the chops, tossing him a mile away.

"Kunzite, calm down!" said Zoisite, placing his hand on Kunzite's shoulder.

Kunzite grabbed his hand and flicked his wrist, tossing him into a tree.

He turned to Nephrite.

"Easy now," said Nephrite putting his arms up.

Kenji started whistling and escaped with his life.

Kunzite slowly walked towards Nephrite. His bloodlust had reached its peak, and now a strange calm washed over him.

"Nephrite, I could never hurt you," said Kunzite.

He teleported away.

After Nephrite made sure he was gone, he collapsed to the floor. But that was his mistake.

Kunzite flew up from inside the Earth's core, and threw an upper-cut directly at Nephrite's exposed chops.

"Oowww," said Nephrite. "Hey, that didn't hurt that much!"

Kunzite threw a suckerpunch, tossing Nephrite out of commission.


Queen Beryl, Nephrite, Jadeite, and Zoisite sat in the Negalounge.

"Well that was weird," said Beryl.

Kunzite walked in with an apology cake. "I'm so sorry guys, I don't know what came over me. I can't believe I hurt my best friends!"

"D'aww, we could never stay mad at you!" said Zoisite, reaching for a piece of cake.

"You really gotta work on your anger problems," sneered Nephrite.

Kunzite popped a vein, and the white of one of his eyes turned red.

"What was that?" he asked.

Nephrite looked up in confusion.

Kunzite grabbed Zoisite's hand that was reaching for the cake.

"L-let go of me!" cried Zoisite, struggling to get free.

Kunzite reached out with his other hand and grabbed Zoisite by the neck.

He tightened his grip by 20%, and tossed Zoisite into a wall.

Nephrite teleported away, and Jadeite tried to follow suit but he wasn't fast enough. Kunzite charged at the speed of light and socked Jadeite in the chops, sending him flying and making a crater in the wall next to Zoisite.

"Queen Beryl," said Kunzite.

"Yes," said Beryl, getting on her knees to pray.

"Did you do something with your hair?" Kunzite asked with a kind smile.

"Y-y-y-y—yyes," sputtered Beryl.

"It is looooooooooovely!" exclaimed Kunzite. "Here, take a slice of cake!"

"N-no thank you," said Beryl.

"Eat. The cake," said Kunzite in a quiet, deadly tone.

"Okay… okay!" said Beryl. She took a slice of cake and started eating it.

"Eat slower," said Kunzite. "You won't taste it."

Beryl slowed down her eating by 50%.

Kunzite squatted in front of her and watched her eat.

"How's it taste?" he asked.

"G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-good," she stuttered.

"Well gOOOOOOLLY! That's just great!" said Kunzite. He teleported away.

Ten minutes later, Nephrite teleported back. Zoisite had finally pulled himself out of the crater in the wall.

"Is he gone?" asked Nephrite.

"Yes," said Zoisite.

"Ok good," said Neph. He teleported away again just to be safe.

"I don't know what's gotten into him," said Zoisite. "Maybe he woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. What do you think, Jadeite?"

There was no response from Jadeite's hole in the wall.

"J-Jadeite?" asked Zoisite, pulling away some of the rubble.


"So by taking the Silver Crystal, we can awaken Metalia to her 100% form!" explained Beryl to Jed, Neph, and Zoi Boy.

"Question," said Jadeite raising his hand.

"Yes, Jadeite," called Beryl.

"Who is Metalia?"

Suddenly Kunzite ran in. "Guys, guys, you'll never believe this!"

"Kunzite my boy!" said Zoisite.

"Who wants to come with me…..to a tennis match! I stayed up all night calling into a radio show, and got five front row seats!"

"Wowee!" said Jadeite. "I've never seen a tennis match! I've never seen a lot of things, actually, such as whoever this Metalia clown is…"

"What are we waiting for?" said Beryl. "Let's go!"

She leapt out of her throne and it shocked everyone.

They all sprinted towards the door.

But right as they approached it, it swung open, knocking Jadeite to the floor.

Kunzite ran in, with his arms still tied behind his back.

"THAT KUNZITE'S AN IMPOSTER!" he howled.

"Umm… no," said Zoisite. "You're the imposter. Kunzite would never tie his hands behind his own back. Is that even possible?"

"It was him!" said Kunzite. "I'd point, but my hands are tied behind my back! I can't use my magic because my hands are tied! I had to run all the way here from five miles away through the Arctic Ocean! HEEEEEEEELP!"

"Huh? What? No! No way," scoffed Beryl. "Impossible. This Kunzite right here is the real Kunzite. You're just some looney!"

"Wait, hang on," said the real Kunzite with his hands tied. "I've been gone for eight months, and you didn't notice that something was off?!"

"I did at first," said Beryl. "But then you took us out to dinner, and that's when I knew he was the real Kunzite."

"I would never take you out to dinner!" yelled Kunzite. "Especially not that Nephrite guy!"

"Watch it," said Nephrite.

Zoisite looked over, and the "Kunzite" who had got them the tennis tickets was spinning rapidly with many 360s. After the tenth 360, he turned into Nephrite.

"Uh oh," said Zoisite. "He can copy our appearances in an instant!"

"No," said Nephrite solemnly. "That's my evil twin, Nephrake. I could recognize his forehead any day."

"Nyeh heh heh," said Nephrake pulling out a squirrel and eating it.

"Huh," said Jadeite. "We should have known that Kunzite didn't eat squirrels. I can't believe we didn't make the connection the first 20 times."

"Quick!" said the real Kunzite. "Untie me! I can take this guy!"

"Okay!" said Zoisite. He threw a crystal at Kunzite's hands to cut the rope, but he was under pressure and a little rusty, so his aim was off by a bit.

It hit Kunzite in the heart and he fell over.

"AHH! KUNZITE!" cried Zoisite. "It was an honest mistake!"

"Curse you!" yelled Kunzite.

"Stand aside," said Nephrite. "I can take this guy! I have always been the slightly stronger twin!"

"No," stated Nephrake. "For one, I'm two seconds older, and for two, you're gay!"

Nephrite charged at the speed of light.

Nephrake charged at the speed of light.

Nephrite threw a right hook, but Nephrake ducked. Nephrake threw a left hook, and nailed Nephrite.

During this opening, Nephrite threw a right hook, and nailed Nephrake. Nephrake retaliated with a quick jab.

But Nephrite side-stepped, and threw a roundhouse kick.

But Nephrake blocked it and threw another left hook.

It was a critical blow, and Nephrite passed out. "Beginner's… luck," he coughed.

"Uh oh," said Jadeite.

Nephrake charged like a bull.

"Don't worry," said Beryl. "Surely the three of us combined could take down someone Nephrite's level!"

But Beryl didn't have much combat experience, and was a sitting duck.

Before she could react, Nephrake kicked her in the stomach, and threw 20 consecutive punches to her exposed gut.

She dropped like a tree falling, and Jed and Zoi got into defensive stances.

"TIMBER!" mocked Nephrake.

He took out another squirrel and ate it to celebrate.

"Alright," said Zoisite. "It's all or nothing, Jed. We must attack at 100%!"

"Got it!" agreed Jed.

They both charged, and Nephrake summoned his replica of Nephrite's sword.

"While Nephrite fights with one long sword, I fight with two slightly smaller swords, daggers if you will."

Zoisite looked at the crystal in his hand, and realized it would shatter in one strike from either of Nephrake's blades.

He stopped mid-charge, but Jed didn't notice in time.

Jadeite was sliced to bits, in fact perfect cubes.

Nephrake picked up one of the cubes and put salt on it.

"Please no," begged Zoisite.

Nephrake didn't listen and ate the cube.

"AHhhhh!" screamed Zoisite.

Nephrake charged Zoisite.

"no no no no No No NO NO!" cried Zoisite.

Zoisite could have teleported away but he was too panicked after seeing Jed eaten alive.

Suddenly Kunzite shot a weak blast through his foot, stopping Nephrake in his tracks and in fact burning him to a crisp.

"You haven't seen the last of me!" shouted Nephrake, teleporting away with his life.

"That was rough," said Kunzite who was still impaled by Zoisite's crystal. "I was barely able to muster up the strength without my hands! Now can someone untie me and remove this crystal?!"


Ten days later, Metalia revived Jadeite and Kunzite, because Kunzite died from blood-loss shortly after they removed the crystal.

"Zoisite!" yelled Jadeite. "Why'd you stop the charge?"

"What charge?" asked Zoisite. "Oh yeah," he recalled. "It was a suicide mission."

"You could have told me," said Jadeite sadly.

"D'ah," said Zoisite.

"Say, what happened to my body after I died?" wondered Jadeite.

"N-nothing," said Zoisite.

"Okay good," said Jed. "I had this weird dream… nah."

"I'm still upset that my twin brother with equal power was able to defeat me by pure luck," said Nephrite angrily.

"Yes," agreed Zoisite. "It was a pure flip of the coin. What a shame that you picked heads that match."

Nephrite nodded.

"I can't believe there was a Kunzite chapter finally, but I was hardly even in it," said Kunzite with dismay.

"Don't worry," said Beryl. "I haven't had a Beryl chapter in a long time, if ever."

"You're not a Shitennou," said Jadeite. "It's evident in the fact that you dropped like a tree to someone Nephrite level due to your lack of combat experience."

"Why I oughtta…!" howled Beryl. "I don't need combat experience to take you down, Jed!"

"Try me!" yelled Jadeite.

Those were his last words.

FIN