"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Jadeite, I would like you to meet the newest Shitennou," said Queen Beryl.

"That won't be necessary," responded Jadeite. He pulled out a rifle and shot himself.

"Well that was rude," said Queen Beryl. "I'm sorry, Yumemi Yumeno, He doesn't normally act like this."

"Just call me Peggy Jones," said Yumemi. "It's my dub name."

"I'll consider it," said Beryl.

"Queen Beryl!" exclaimed Zoisite walking in. "I heard gunfire! Is Nephrite down?"

"No, unfortunately," said Beryl.

"Hey, I know you!" said Zoisite. "I took your rainbow crystal!"

Yumemi took a battle stance.

"Yeah, yeah!" said Zoisite, it all coming back to him now. "You're Motoki's girlfriend, right?"

Yumemi let out a snarl.

"Wait no!" recalled Zoisite. "You're the one with the cat, right?"

Peggy Jones charged.

"Piece of cake," thought Zoisite. He was cocky, so he let Yumemi get as close as possible before dodging.

But he didn't time it right, and Yumemi socked him right in the chops.

"It's Makoto all over again," thought Zoisite sadly.

"See, this is why she's our newest Shitennou," explained Beryl. "She might not be strong, but she knows how to paint! In fact she paints prophecies, and also events from the past!"

"Wait, she's a Shitennou?!" cried Zoisite.

"Someone has to replace Jadeite," shrugged Beryl.

"No, that sounds out of order," said Zoisite. "Sounds to me like you introduced her to Jadeite as a Shitennou, and that's why he killed himself."

"Mmmm, that's right. But look at that portrait she drew of me!" said Beryl pointing to the wall behind Zoisite.

"She made you look unrealistically good," stated Zoisite.

Beryl started to get livid. She probably would have taken down Zoisite if Kunzite hadn't stormed in.

"QUUUUEEEEN BERYL!" he howled. "I just got Zoisite's text!"

"QUUUUEEEEN BERYL!" yelled Nephrite marching in. "I just got Jadeite's text!"

"When did they send these?" wondered Beryl.

"Queen Beryl!" repeated Kunzite. "What did we talk about with you just adding anyone to the elite four?!"

"This isn't Pokemon," said Beryl.

"That doesn't matter! This RANDOM is not one of us! And I'm very upset!"

"I knew this would happen," said Beryl. "In fact, Yumemi drew a painting of this exact moment 20 minutes ago."

She held up a portrait of Kunzite and Nephrite standing there angrily. She lowered it to see the exact same thing unfolding in front of her, right down to the facial expressions.

"She is a valuable asset to the team," stated Beryl, sticking to her hunches.

"She's only good for parlor tricks!" yelled Kunzite.

"False," said Beryl.

Kunzite was floored.

"In fact," said Beryl. "She drew a picture of the Moon Kingdom, showing the 7 rainbow crystal carriers! That saves us reviving Metalia to tell us about this!"

"Actually," said Kunzite. "I remembered that."

"Then why didn't you tell us when Zoisite was after the Silver Crystal as one object?!" howled Beryl.

"Yeah," said Nephrite. "You could have told me! I kept thinking it was inside Molly!"

"That doesn't make any sense," said Kunzite.

Nephrite growled.

"Settle down boys," said Yumemi.

Kunzite lunged at her.

"KUNZITE!" shrieked Beryl.

Kunzite froze in mid-air like a cartoon.

"Don't make me call my other recruit in to take care of you," warned Beryl.

"Other recruit?" asked Kunzite, veins appearing on his head.

"Bring him in!" yelled Beryl.

"Who are you yelling to?" asked Zoisite.

Suddenly Yaten base entered the fray.

"Hey guys, I'm Yaten-kun. I'm a pop idol and main member of the Three Lights."

"Wait, you're a Sailor Starlight?" asked Kunzite.

"No, Three Light!" he yelled. "Well, actually, I was a Sailor Starlight. Until I lost my transformation badge. Now I'm stuck as a boy and I can't get back to my home planet. It's rather unfortunate so I decided to join the evil side. Kids beat me up in the boys' locker room."

"I understand," said Zoisite.

"Well," said Queen Beryl. "Hopefully you'll all get along with Yaten base."


Jadeite, Nephrite, Kunzite, and Zoisite sat down in the Nega-cafeteria.

"Welcome back, Jed," said Nephrite.

"It's good to be back," said Jed.

That's when the new recruits sat down at the table.

"Actually it's not," said Jed, changing his mind. "I remember why I killed myself. These recruits are too random for my taste."

"This is the cool kids' table," stated Kunzite, glaring at the rookies. "There's no room for you. Please sit at the average kids' table."

He pointed to the floor.

Yaten slugged him in the face and Kunzite fell to the floor.

"I will not put up with this!" yelled Yaten. "I got bullied enough as it is in high school! That's why I worked out and got strong!"

"Strong?" scoffed Nephrite. "Look at your arms! They're like twigs!"

Yaten slugged Nephrite in the chops and tossed him across the room.

"Do you mind?" said Yumemi Yumeno. "I'm trying to draw here," she stated, finishing up her portrait of Yaten punching Nephrite.

Jadeite threw a wild punch at Yaten, but he caught it ten minutes before he threw the punch.

"Nice try," said Yaten. He threw Jadeite in a nearby trashcan.

Zoisite picked up his tray and went to the bathroom to finish his meal.

"Can you believe those guys?" barked Yaten sitting down next to Yumemi.


"I hate eating in the bathroom," said Zoisite sadly.

"I hate getting socked," said Nephrite angrily.

"These new recruits have been nothing but trouble," said Kunzite. "I don't see what Queen Beryl sees in these guys. They lack both personality and depth."

The other Shitennou nodded.

"Boys!" yelled Queen Beryl from outside. "Please come in my throne room!"

They walked into her throne room.

They immediately let out a loud moan when they spotted someone standing next to Beryl.

"Boys, this is the new recruit. I hope you'll show them respect, as I hand-picked them myself."

"Who the hell is this?" demanded Kunzite.

"Hey!" said Beryl. "This is the artist from SuperS episode 156 who refused to change his painting of CereCere because it was against his morals! He died of starvation shortly after his appearance, but I resurrected him just because I knew this guy had what it takes to be a Shitennou!"

Jadeite pulled out his rifle, shot an unsuspecting Zoisite, and then killed himself.

Nephrite started to cry. "You've actually done it, Beryl! You've literally gotten the most generic characters you can get! A single episoder!"

"And the worst part is," said Kunzite, "We already have an artist!"

"This one is entirely different," stated Beryl. "He would never lie about his identity."

"I don't think I can take much more," groaned Nephrite. "My heart might give out."

"That's a shame," said Beryl. "Because I got another one!"

"Does he have personali-"

"Nope," said Beryl. "This is the guy that trained with Makoto from episode 105 in season S. You might recognize him as Tien Shinhan from Dragon Ball Z, but I can assure you he's an entirely differently person."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Nephrite. He spawned one of his blades and stabbed himself in the heart.

Kunzite grabbed the blade from Nephrite's corpse. He tried to stab his own heart but the sword shattered against his abs.

"Huh," said Kunzite. "That's a shame."

"Indeed," said Beryl. "Good thing I have all these replacements. Now get to work boys, time is money."

"Yes ma'am!" said all the randoms.


Kunzite sat down sadly in the bathroom to eat, but in marched all the Shitennou.

"Hey… Moonzite was it?" asked Yumemi Yumeno. "We figured you might be lonely, so we decided to eat in here with you."

Kunzite took off running.

"TOO MANY RANDOMS!" he cried. "Any of our Youmas would be stronger than these saps!"

He ran into Beryl's throne room.

"Perfect timing!" said Beryl. "I would like to introduce you to our newest Shitennou, Zilpah Sapphire."

"Huh?" asked Kunzite.

"He's from Sailor Moon, I assure you," said Beryl.

"What season was he?" demanded Kunzite. "I watched every episode twice. Is he another character of the week?"

"Well actually," said Beryl. "He's not from the anime. He's from one of the musical adaptations, Kaguya Shima Densetsu. He was one of the minions of Dark Plasman."

Kunzites eyes twitched.

"Kunzite, are you okay?" asked Beryl.

He let out an incoherent shriek.

Beryl shuttered.

"NO ONE! EVER! EVEN! WATCHED! THE MUUUUUSIIICALLLLLLLS!"

"Hohoho," said Beryl. "That's where you're wrong. Why else would they be selectable characters on Fanfiction?"

"I question a lot of things about Fanfication," said Kunzite.

"You know who else does that?" said Beryl. "Our other new recruit. This is Ninja from Dragon Quest who was featured in great Mario franchise games such as Mario Sports Mix, AKA the greatest videogame ever made! And he's brought his friend, dark blue Mr. Game & Watch, featured in Super Smash Brothers Brawl unlockable character roster! And HIS best friend, purple Young Link from Melee!"

Kunzite walked away.

"Where's he going?" wondered Beryl. "Go after him!"

Kunzite continued to walk calmly down the hall.

"Hey man, where ya' going?" asked Ninja.

Kunzite ended Ninja without turning to face him.

"Yo, that's not cool!" exclaimed Zilpah in shock. "I don't want any trouble!"

Kunzite ended him and continued walking calmly.

He entered Metalia's chambers, and Ninja respawned on her bed.

Kunzite blew up Ninja and the bed so he could not respawn again.

"Hey~~!" yelled Metalia.

Kunzite ignored her.

He pulled out a tank of gasoline and poured it all over her pod.

"HEY! HEY! BERYL!" shouted Metalia. "BERYL-SAMA!"

"METALIA-SAMA!" cried Beryl dashing in.

Kunzite took out his flame thrower and lit Metalia ablaze.

She combusted, exploding the Negaverse.


Everyone awoke in hell.

"What gives?!" yelled Yaten. "I was a good man!"

"You joined the evil side," reminded Beryl. "And also you gave me your soul which I sold to Satan for a couple of bucks."

"D'ah," said Yaten.

"Hey Kunzite!" said Jadeite. "I'm glad you went out the same way I did it appears."

Kunzite was still angry.

He killed Jadeite, sending him deeper into the afterlife.

Then he spotted the randoms, and leapt into the depths of hell never to be seen again.

FIN