Chapter 10 – A truth as a burden

Reluctantly, Hermione had to tell Sirius that she had someone in her life. She knew it was the best thing to do but her stomach was still aching. Before going back to the past, she questioned herself on her relationship with Ron. At first, she thought she was in love with him, but it didn't go as she expected, and she started to regret her decision. But because she had feelings towards her long-time friend, she let things going. At that moment, she couldn't interpret correctly her feelings but now, she understood. She knew that she didn't love Ron.

Finally, she understood what her heart was telling her. Her anger, her frustration, her loss of temper and her violent arguments with Harry's future godfather… All these emotions, all these quarrels, she now understood… Her dreams tried to guide her; her heart was showing the way she had to follow. All the paths led her to Sirius.

But because she finally realized her feelings, she stopped immediately any possible relation with him. She will never be with him…

Sirius Black… She had known him for a long time. He was Harry's godfather, the one that was imprisoned for 13 years in Azkaban, the one she had saved the life 4 years ago thanks to her Time Turner. And by coincidence or maybe because of her destiny, this same Time Turner brought her back to this strange man's world. Strange… yes! Sirius from the future had always been strange, mysterious and dark to her.

He had always looked at her with his grey, deep but totally indifferent eyes, like if all joy have disappeared from his soul. He was gnawing by his revenge and guilt. He showed her some sympathy, but the two of them had never been close. She often disapproved his decisions and his childishness. Then, she had never been able to explain her awkwardness next to him. Thanks to Harry, however, he seemed to soften and to become the man he was before: full of recklessness and happiness. He finally found a reason to live. But Bellatrix Lestrange took his life without a second thought.

Hermione remembered when Dumbledore told her Sirius was dead. She was still suffering from the spell that she got at the Department of Mysteries. She was shaken by this sad news. She cried a lot because, even if she often disagreed with him, she liked him as a friend.

Young Sirius's face appeared in her head: his laughter, his charm, his irony… His future was really dark, and Hermione felt very sad for him. She suddenly bit her lips, refraining to cry. An insane idea was forming in her head!

No, I shouldn't change the past!

The Sirius from the past had a lot of vices but, her heart knocked each time he was close to her. Yet, she knew what she had to do. Ron was only an excuse to prevent Sirius to come closer… because she felt he was attracted to her. But no! Her and his feelings should disappear. He was from the past; she was from the future. If she changed the past, it could lead to terrible consequences on their futures and maybe on Harry's! Sirius was dead, she couldn't do anything to change that…

Hermione felt bitterness. She closed her eyes and held her head against the wall. She was tired of all these thoughts. She deeply breathed.

Be brave! You must go back to your time! For your own good! And the sooner, the better!

She breathed again and feeling a bit better, she entered the Library where she met a young Mrs Pince, unchanged with her severe look and old-fashioned clothes. The woman looked at Hermione with disdain but didn't say anything and continued to clean her desk.

The Library looked like the Library of her time: long shelves of books with long tables in a large rectangular room. Some students were studying silently.

Hermione knew this place by heart as she spent a lot of long days in here. She went directly to the last shelf of the room. She wanted to get as many pieces of information on Clarence Wilford as she could get, then, she will look for information on Time Turner. And after studying and recording every book in her big memory, she will try to get in touch with this inventor, who was still living somewhere.

After 30 minutes of long research, she went out of the Library, her arms full of books, and headed towards her Common Room. She was used to behave like that in her time, however, nobody in her new school was used to this behaviour and looked at the girl with brown bushy hair with curiosity. Hermione was walking with books all over her head. She didn't pay any attention on the looks and continued walking, hidden by her books.

She passed through a corridor, then one, and three others without taking care of her way. She knew it by heart. She went on and finally arrived in front of a closed door, leading to the main stairs. She opened it with difficulties and rapidly crossed it, but she knocked on someone. She fell.

Her bushy hair hid her eyes. She gathered her books who fell on the floor.

"You should look at where you walk!" An arrogant and exasperated voice said. She heard someone heavily dusting his cape.

"I am sorry!" She answered, getting up with difficulty with her arms full of books.

She raised her head to have a look at the boy who was in front of her, but her head was still hidden by her hair. She removed them and could see a young brown-haired man, with Slytherin clothes, dark eyes, short hair, his arms crossed, standing and looking at her with more than disregard. Hermione felt at once that he wasn't the kind of guy to have fun with. Something in his presence made her look dumb. She remained silent for a few seconds and surely looked like an idiot because he was smirking.

"So what?" He mocked with a harsh voice. "Did you lose your tongue? I don't know where you are from, but politeness doesn't seem to be part of your education!"

Hermione felt angry at once. She started to blush. A sudden anger woke her body up and she straightened to stand in front of him, with a murderous look on her face. This guy was unfriendly.

"These French people!" He said, still with his mocking tone. "Only boors and savages!"

He glanced at her and pushed her from his way while smashing her bag. Hermione heard her inkwell break below his foot. She has had enough! She caught his arm and looked at him, trying to be threatening.

"Who do you think you are?" She shouted. "You just smashed my bag!"

"Don't touch me" He replied while pulling his arm.

"You mustn't treat me that way! I only knocked on you and I apologized!" She continued to say without paying attention on his full of hatred look. Who was that boor? "And I won't allow you to insult my family or my origin!"

"Oh really?" He said with irony, seeming happy to see her anger. "I don't have to look too much to tell that you're a Mudblood! And we all know what kind of education Mudbloods had!"

"Take back what you just said!" She cried out with an aggressive tone.

"Yes… Mudblood…" He said after a few seconds of reflexion. "So, I don't care!" He continued shaking his head. "I cannot do anything for you! Now, let go of me, I need to disinfect my cape from your stinky smell!"

Hermione slapped him without thinking. The boy was extremely shocked, and it took him a few seconds before he came back to his senses. It seemed nobody has ever treated him that way. But Hermione regretted what she had just done at once while she saw his sudden change of look on his face. He was looking at her in a way that frightened her.

A second after, he was raising his wand. Hermione didn't have time to defend herself or to react. She was now in the air, her head upside down.