"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Really, Jadeite?" asked Beryl.
"Actually, just kidding," said Jadeite. "All I found was the Silver Crystal."
"I'm sorry," said Beryl. "I'm going to have to put you in an eternal sleep."
"What?" yelped Jadeite. "Nephrite said you wouldn't complain after I got the Silver Crystal!"
"I wouldn't complain if you just did your job properly! I kept calling and calling, but you wouldn't pick up!"
"Yes," said Jadeite. "I got many death threats on my answering machine. I only listened to about half of them."
"Let's make this quick and easy," said Beryl. "It was your mistake for coming back here."
"D'ah," said Jadeite. "Then where I should I put the Silver Crystal?"
"I told you to get energy!" yelled Beryl. "I have no use for the- hey wait a second! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! Hand it over!"
Jadeite handed it over.
"O.M.G!" exclaimed Beryl. "I'm sorry. I have no complaints. Looks like we'll go take over the world now."
"Oh boy, so I don't die?" asked Jed.
"Well, you do when Metalia kills us all and takes over the world, but it won't be by my hand."
"WAHOO!" said Jadeite.
"Bring this to her at once," commanded Beryl.
"Can't you?" asked Jadeite. "I have to go to the bathroom before Metalia kills us all and takes over the world."
"I can't," said Beryl. "I'm stuck in my throne. I have been for your entire arc, actually!"
"Even at an important time like this?" asked Jadeite.
"I don't think you understand," said Beryl. "It's not by choice. I'm literally stuck. It all started on April Fools when Zoisite put glue on my seat. Permanent glue to be precise. No magic works on it. I was going to kill him but he teleported away and hasn't been seen since."
"D'ah," said Jadeite. "I'll take it over to her. But I have to warn you, I'm accident-prone."
"It's okay," said Beryl. "We're this close to victory. There's nothing you could do to mess this up. All you have to do is teleport to Metalia's."
"Right," said Jadeite.
He began to teleport, but then decided he could go for a quick snack. He teleported to the vending machine instead.
"Hey," said Nephrite hanging out at the soda machine as usual. "What's that in your hand?"
"Oh," said Jadeite. "It's a rice crispy treat that I just bought."
"No, in your other hand."
"Oh, that's the Silver Crystal," chuckled Jed.
"Huh," said Nephrite. He tossed Jadeite to the floor and snatched the crystal.
"AHAHAHAHAHAH!" he yelled. "I win! I'll tell Queen Beryl I got it myself and get all the glory!"
Suddenly Zoisite appeared and shot petals in his eyes.
"UEEEEGH!" yelled Nephrite. He socked Zoisite, tossing him to the floor.
But Kunzite jumped Nephrite from behind and drop-kicked him, snatching the crystal and running towards Beryl.
"Wait!" cried Jadeite. "I already showed it to Beryl!"
Kunzite skidded to a halt. "What?! No!"
"Don't worry!" assured Jed. "We can all bring it to Metalia together!"
"Err, nevermind. Metalia cred isn't half as good as Beryl cred," said Kunzite. "I don't really care about Metalia's opinion of me. She doesn't really communicate on a human level."
"D'ah," said Jed. "Then do you want to take it to Metalia, Nephrite?"
"No," said Nephrite. "Metalia kind of creeps me out."
"Zoisite?" asked Jed.
"No," said Zoisite. He left it at that.
"Fine then," said Jadeite. He finished his rice crispy treat and took out a handkerchief, wiping his mouth.
"Mmm, yummy in my tummy," he said.
He headed down the hall to Metalia's chambers.
"What the hell is this?!" he demanded.
Connecting Metalia's chambers to the rest of the Negaverse was a rickety wooden bridge over the abyss.
"Oh," said Nephrite appearing next to him. "The Negaverse was remodeled recently. You might find that your dark space is a couple halls down from where it used to be."
"NO!" yelled Jadeite. "It was already a mile walk to Beryl's throne room!"
"Be careful on the bridge," warned Kunzite appearing beside him as well.
"Yeah," said Zoisite. "Don't trip and drop the crystal."
"Psshhhhh," scoffed Jadeite. "Who do you take me for? I'm one of Beryl's elite!"
With that, he took a step onto the bridge.
The piece of the wood he stepped on fell into the abyss, and Jadeite's foot took a dive.
He panicked and threw the crystal.
"JADEITE!" cried the Shitennou.
However, the crystal hadn't fallen into the abyss yet. It had landed further down the bridge.
"Jadeite, go get it!" yelled Nephrite.
"You go get it!" cried Jadeite, hanging onto the bridge for dear life.
He started to shake.
"Stop shaking!" yelled Kunzite. "You're shaking the bridge and the crystal's gonna fall!"
"Alright, I'll get it," sighed Nephrite.
He went to take a step onto the bridge, but another piece of wood fell.
"Nevermind," said Nephrite.
"Wait a minute, I'll just fly and pick it up!" realized Kunzite. "Something we're all capable of!"
He began hovering towards the crystal, but the power of Metalia's chambers nearby along with the power radiating from the abyss was messing with his magic, and he dropped like a stone, taking Jed with him.
"AHHH!" cried Jadeite as he fell with Kunzite attached to him.
He reached out and grabbed a piece of rock on the edge of the cliff that the bridge was attached to, since they had only made it one step.
Kunzite used his upper-body strength to climb up as Jed was wrapped around him.
"What a work-out," said Kunzite.
The Shitennou were at a stand-still.
Suddenly Zoisite had an idea. "You guys aren't using your heads," he said. "I'll use my telepathic powers to float it over here!"
"Oh yeah," said Jadeite. "I forgot we could do that."
"We forget a lot of things," noted Nephrite.
Zoisite began to levitate the crystal over.
"This is just like the rainbow crystal days," he reminisced.
He caught the crystal in his hand.
"Easy does it," said Zoisite.
Suddenly Jadeite felt dizzy from his brush with death.
He collapsed into Zoisite, knocking him to the floor.
The crystal rolled to the very edge of the cliff.
Jadeite sprung to life and dove for it. He snatched it right as it rolled off the edge.
"Phew!" said Jadeite.
"Someone take that from him!" yelled Kunzite.
He walked towards Jed, and Jadeite panicked and threw the crystal into the abyss.
"JADEITE!" cried the Shitennou.
"AHHHH!" yelled Jadeite. "We have to go down there and get it!"
"No one goes into the abyss and survives," said Nephrite. "That would be suicide."
"Hey guys!" yelled Metalia from her chamber. "What's taking so long to bring me that crystal? What's going on out there? Am I going to have to kill you?!"
"Abyss it is," said Nephrite.
"But we can't float down," reminded Kunzite. "I tried to float but I dropped like a stone, and I have 8x more power than each of you!"
"Is that a canon power level multiplier?" asked Zoisite.
"Yes," lied Kunzite. "It's from an interview with the creator."
"Source?"
"None," stated Kunzite.
"I found an elevator!" announced Nephrite.
"Good work, Neph!" said Jed.
With that, they stepped in the elevator.
"What floor?" Jadeite asked.
"No," said Kunzite. "You're taking the stairs."
"But whyyyy?"
"Because this is your fault!"
"D'ah," said Jadeite heading towards the stairs.
The elevator door started to close, and Jadeite dashed back, turned two-dimensional and threw himself in.
"Darn," said Kunzite. "But there's nothing we can do."
The only floors were "Life" and "Death." They were already on the "Life" floor, so they hit the down button.
They began to descend to a hell deeper than hell.
The elevator was made of glass, and they could only watch as horrors flew by.
They saw their own kid selves in an elevator riding down next to them, and then their kid selves looked at them with blood-eyes and exploded.
"AHHHH!" shrieked Zoisite. He started hyperventilating.
"That's not even scary," scoffed Nephrite.
Zoisite threw a backhand his way, and Nephrite tossed one right back.
Kunzite backhanded Nephrite.
"Hey guys, stop!" said Jadeite.
He received several backhands.
Outside the elevator soon just became flashing colors, and then something that looked like that time Kunzite tried to warp Sailor Moon and Co. to another dimension but the Silver Crystal hit his hand and they were warped through time and space.
They also saw bolts of lightning but none of them could come up with a scientific reason for where the lightning was coming from.
Clocks started to fly by and get warped, and then calendars.
Suddenly there was a jump scare and a grandfather clock flew at them and made a loud sound when it hit the elevator.
Zoisite shrieked and went into fetal position because he couldn't handle it.
Jadeite was trying his best to look cool, but it wasn't coming off as cool.
The elevator sped rapidly, and when it came to a halt they all flew up and hit the ceiling.
"Oww," said Nephrite.
They had finally reached the bottom.
The doors opened.
"What… what is this place?!" cried Jed.
They looked around to find themselves in some wacky dimension, the details of which are left up to the reader's imagination.
"This is spooky," said Nephrite.
"This reminds me of the time I did shrooms," commented Zoisite.
"When was this?" asked Kunzite.
"You weren't there," said Zoisite. "In it was in my college days, when me and my roommate Yuuichiro went camping for a week. It was all back in the summer of 1882."
"Okay that's enough," said Kunzite. "Let's just find that crystal and get out of here. This place is giving me the heebie jeebies."
"Hey, me too," agreed Jadeite.
"Jadeite, your body!" cried Kunzite.
Everyone turned to Jadeite to see that his spirit, which was a transparent version of himself, was floating a couple inches outside his body.
Suddenly another transparent copy floated out of that copy of Jed.
"This is trippy!" said all the Jeds.
Nephrite slapped him on the back and he went back into his body.
"I wanna go home!" cried Jed.
They all took off in a mad sprint.
But suddenly, Nephrite looked down and his legs were no longer legs, they were just black and white outlines. He looked at his hands and saw similar results.
"AHHH!" cried Nephrite. He turned to see the other Shitennou were all facing similar fates.
Jed was an oil sketch, Zoisite looked like a 1920s film projection, and Kunzite's colors were inverted.
"You look good with black hair," commented Nephrite.
"Can it, sketch boy!" barked Kunzite.
"What's up with these Sony Vegas 6 aftereffects?" demanded Zoisite.
"I wouldn't know," said Kunzite. "I only have version 5."
"Umm… guys?!" cried Jadeite.
He was getting stretched out horizontally like a rubber-band.
"Haha, you look so fat," laughed Zoisite.
Suddenly Zoisite turned into the swirl effect. "HEEEEEELP!" he cried.
Kunzite ran over, but suddenly he realized he was attached to the floor. He sprung back into his spot like a spring and continued to bounce around like a bobble head.
That's when Jadeite suddenly started to become 6-dimensional.
He let out a shriek. "I can see time!" he cried.
"Look!" said Nephrite. "There's a door up ahead! Keep running!"
However, as they started running towards the door, it appeared they were getting further away.
"We have to catch it!" yelled Kunzite.
He used his newly acquired spring powers to spring for the door.
But the door sidestepped and took off in the other direction.
The Shitennou chased after it while they flashed through different Movie Maker effects.
"It hurts!" cried Zoisite.
Suddenly Jadeite turned into a puzzle and all his pieces fell to the floor.
"Is he… dead?!" cried Neph.
"I don't think so," said Jed.
"How is he talking?" wondered Zoisite.
They looked up to see a giant Jadeite cloud.
"Come down here!" yelled Kunzite.
"I can't!" cried Jed. "I'm too floaty! It's like my head's full of helium!"
Kunzite leapt up, but halfway up he dropped down like a stone and shattered like glass.
Zoisite took out a dust pan and picked up the pieces of Kunzite, putting him in a jar.
"Looks like it's up to me to catch Jed," realized Nephrite.
He began to stretch his body upwards, but it wasn't working.
"Sorry Jed," he said. "You're going to have to come down as rain."
"I don't know how to do that," said Jadeite sadly.
Suddenly Nephrite got an idea. He realized everything was backwards in the abyss, so he reached into the ground and his hand appeared in the sky.
He grabbed cloud Jed and pulled him down to Earth where he became a puddle.
"Hmm," said Zoisite. "I don't have another jar and I don't think Kunzite wants Jadeite in here."
"Don't let him in!" yelled a muffled Kunzite.
"I know!" said Nephrite. He spawned a hair dryer and blew it on puddle Jed until he became a gas.
He reverted back to his regular self except made out of gas.
"I can get used to this!" said Jed. "I'm like Metalia!"
"Hey look, the door let its guard down!" realized Neph. He ran up and tackled the door, and it became a trapdoor.
They leapt down.
They fell for hours, or it felt like it, anyway.
Time didn't really work where they were.
Finally they landed on a giant moon bounce.
"I think we're back to normal," said Kunzite, dusting himself off.
"That was scary," said Jadeite. "Hold me."
"No," said Kunzite.
They slid down the bouncy house slide, and they continued to wander on.
Ten hours later, they encountered a new obstacle.
They were suddenly underwater!
"I'm drowning," stated Jadeite sadly.
"We know," gurgled Nephrite.
"Let's swim up," suggested Zoisite. However the top of the water was nowhere to be found.
"D'ah," said Kunzite. "Good thing we don't have to breathe since we lived on the moon."
"Well actually," said Nephrite but Kunzite slugged him.
But it had no effect because of the water pressure.
"Hey look, a sand bar!" noticed Jed. "We must climb it!"
They climbed up the sand until they had the reached the surface. They were on some sort of island. They spotted a door in the distance, and took off after it.
They ran down the shore in a mad sprint.
"Jadeite!" cried Kunzite. "Whatever you do, don't look back!"
"Huh?!" said Jadeite. He looked back.
"No!" cried Kunzite. He, Nephrite, and Zoisite turned to dust before Jadeite's very eyes.
"NOOOO!" cried Jadeite. "I shouldn't have looked back!"
Jadeite awoke in a mad sweat.
"Are we home?" he asked.
"No," said Zoisite. "We're still in the abyss."
"Damn," said Jadeite. "I was certain this would have all been a dream."
"Hey, let's climb this sandbar," said Neph.
"NOOOOO!" yelled Jadeite. "We don't need to breathe, so let's just keep swimming."
They swam for days, or it felt like it anyway.
Suddenly they found themselves trapped in a room the size of a closet.
"Oof," said Nephrite. "Move your elbow!"
"That's your elbow, Wiseguy!" said Zoisite.
"Boys, calm down," said Kunzite.
Jadeite started to pant. "I can't stand tight spaces!"
He started throwing blows, and he socked Nephrite right in the chops, and Zoisite in the gut.
"Why you little-!" Nephrite kicked Jed as hard as he could, and he flew through the wall like it was made of paper, creating an opening.
The Shitennou entered the next room.
"Well howdy doody!" howled Motoki with glee.
"Oh, it's you again," said Nephrite. "What are you doing in the abyss?"
"Well golly!" said Motok. "I fell down here… what was it?" He looked at his dashes on the wall. "20 years ago! And I've waited all this time for someone to come save me! And at long last, someone found me! Staying alive all this time was worth it after all!"
Kunzite ended Motoki's story. "We don't have time for this," he said. "Let's keep moving."
They continued walking through the room, but it was getting smaller.
"Oh no…!" said Jed readying his fists.
When they got to the door, they had to crawl.
"Ugh why am I in front," complained Zoisite. He felt around the wall. "It feels warm," he said nervously.
He used his powers to make a light.
"RAAAAAATS!" he cried.
The Shitennou took off crawling in a mad crawl.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" shrieked Zoisite.
"Wait a minute," said Nephrite. He shot fire ending the rats.
"Zoisite, what's your problem?" asked Nephrite. "Did you forget about your powers again?
"It's okay," said Jadeite. "It happens to me sometimes."
They crawled to the light at the end of the tunnel.
"What is this room?!" asked Kunzite. "It feels vaguely familiar."
"I know this place!" gasped Zoisite. "This is Mamoru Chiba's living room!"
"How did we end up here?" asked Jed.
"I don't know…" said Nephrite slowly. That's when he spotted the Silver Crystal, sitting on Mamoru's coffee table.
He dashed over and leapt at it.
But it was just an illusion, and the room transformed into a dark space.
"Oh boy!" cried Jed. "Am I home?! Wait a minute, this splotch right here is blue instead of red. We're still in the void!"
A shadowy figure entered the room.
"What is that?!" demanded Kunzite, getting a bit nervous.
"A shadowing figure," stated Nephrite plainly. "Of unknown power level."
"I'll be its opponent!" yelled Jadeite.
He shot lightning at it, but it went through it like a shadowy figure.
"Aha, so we're going to do this the hard way," sneered Jadeite. "Very well then."
He ran up and started throwing rapid kicks at the shadowy figure. But they had no effect.
"None of his kicks seem to be landing," observed Zoisite.
"Jadeite is a weakling," said Kunzite. "Let me take a crack at this!"
But before he could, the shadowy figure threw a blow, and Jadeite was launched and hit the invisible barrier. He dropped to the ground.
"Nephrite, tag in!" cried Jed.
Nephrite spawned two blades. "Comin' atcha!" he yelled.
He charged at the speed of light. However, the shadowy figure threw a blow, and Nephrite was on the ground.
"Is that all you got?!" mocked Nephrite, coughing in pain. He stood up and threw a punch. But he missed by a mile.
"None of his punches seem to be landing!" observed Zoisite.
"Nephrite is a weakling," reminded Kunzite.
"What is this thing?!" barked Nephrite. "It's just a shadowy blob! Is this Metalia's cousin?!"
The shadowy figure took offense to that, and threw a blow, sending Nephrite into the wall.
"Maybe we should do something before it comes to us, instead of just standing here," figured Zoisite.
"Nephrite's not finished yet," said Kunzite.
But Nephrite was finished.
The shadowy figure approached Kunzite.
Kunzite stepped in front of Zoisite and extended his arm.
"Stay behind me!" he said. "I won't let it get to you!"
The figure appeared behind Zoisite and threw a blow.
"Owww!" cried Zoisite getting tossed into a pillar.
Zoisite was down for the count.
"Dammit," said Kunzite. "You went down even faster than Jadeite."
"Thanks," said Zoisite angrily.
"Alright," said Kunzite. "Time for me to take a crack at this!"
He started charging up. But the shadowy figure wouldn't have that, and threw a blow.
Kunzite dodged with his advanced power level, and got the shadowy figure by its shadowy neck.
"This ends here," he said.
The shadowy figure faded away in order to escape.
"Yeah, that's right, buddy boy!" taunted Kunzite. "You better run!"
It returned for one second to throw a blow at Kunzite, taking him down a notch, and then fled for the hills.
"That oughtta teach that punk!" said Kunzite, but only in his head.
He looked down on the ground, and found that the shadowy figure had dropped the Silver Crystal.
"Aha!" he said.
He dragged the other Shitennou to the elevator, and hit the up arrow.
But it was already pressed.
"What the…?" asked Kunzite.
Suddenly they all turned into children, and exploded.
"Drat!" said Jadeite in hell. "We were so close!"
"What will we tell Beryl?" asked Kunzite.
"We can tell her to eat our dust," suggested Zoisite.
They left it at that.
Queen Beryl kept calling and calling them but there was no response.
"Are you serious?!" demanded Beryl. "Where is Jadeite and the crystal!? He was supposed to take it to Metalia 140 years ago! What gives?!"
Suddenly she spotted a trail of footprints leading to the abyss.
She followed them. "I guess I have to take this elevator down," she inferred.
Kenji appeared and agreed to go with her.
Neither were ever seen again.
Endymion became the king of the Negaverse, being the last remaining member.
FIN
