"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Let me stop you there," said Beryl. "Why aren't you here in person? Why I am speaking to your hologram?"

"Because I'm off gathering energy," lied Jed.

"Isn't your sole purpose in life to report to me? You couldn't just teleport over here for two minutes?"

"Gosh Beryl, I wouldn't call it my sole purpose," said Jed. "This is just my profession, but once I clock out for the day, it's all about CS:GO!"

Beryl shot her eternal sleep attack at Jed.

"See, that is another reason why I showed up as a hologram," explained Jadeite's hologram. "Thinking about it, I don't know why I didn't do this after that plane incident."

Beryl teleported to Jadeite's dark space, and saw Jadeite standing in front of a webcam.

"OOH!" he yelled. He teleported to Beryl's throne room, and Beryl followed suit.

"AHH!" cried Jadeite.

She caught him by the neck.

"Just because that scene where I was in your home had my face drawn really weird, doesn't mean it didn't happen."

"Grrr," said Jadeite. "You win this round. But it doesn't really matter since after you kill me I'll just be back later in the episode."

"Not this time," said Beryl. "This one's a Nephrite ep."

"NO!" cried Jadeite.

But it was too late.

He tried to run but Beryl put him to sleep.

"Goodbye," said Beryl to the readers. "This is the last you'll see of me today as well!"


Nephrite sped down the highway. He turned to Melvin in the shotgun.

"Why exactly are we returning to Snail Con again?"

"Because," said Motoki's sister. "Melvin thinks he left his inhaler there. He needed it the other day but could not locate it."

"You don't even use an inhaler," said Nephrite.

"Yes I do!" squawked Melvin. "But only when I try to talk to Mawly and get nervous!"

"Maybe you shouldn't talk to her," threatened Nephrite.

"Nah," said Melvin.

"Grrrr," said Nephrite. "Hey, let's do a headcount before we get there, so we don't have to return to pick anyone up."

Nephrite pulled out his attendance sheet.

"Melvin."

"Present!" yelled Melvin.

"Motoki's sister."

"Here," said Motoki's sister.

"Diana the cat."

Diana squeaked something, but it was unintelligible.

"Grandpa," sighed Nephrite.

"Hoo ha!" yelled Grandpa.

"Professor Tomoe."

"Yep!" said Prof. Tomoe.

"And… Kunzite?" asked Nephrite in shock, looking closely at his attendance sheet.

"Yo," said Kunzite.

"Why are you here?" demanded Nephrite.

"My schedule was free," explained Kunzite.

"Umm, excuse me," said Motoki. "My name wasn't called on the attendance!"

"That's because you're not supposed to be here!" yelled Nephrite.

He tossed Motoki out of the car, and Kenji quickly took his spot.

"Alright Kenji," said Nephrite. "I'll let you slide."

Nephrite pulled up to the building where Snail Con was held a while back.

"Get out everyone," he commanded.

The crew jumped out of his red sports car.

"Umm… I'm going to stay behind," said Kenji.

"Okay…?" said Nephrite.

They continued on, leaving Kenji in the car.


When they got inside, the lost-and-found was no longer where it had previously been.

"Go to the main convention room," suggested an employee. "There might be a box there."

"Kay," said Nephrite.

They all entered the convention room, and were shocked to realize there was actually a convention going on this time.

"Snail Con?" wondered Melvin hopefully.

But Grandpa shook his head. "You know that only comes once a year."

Melvin was depressed. He wished he had his inhaler.

"Alright, let's all scout out and see if we can find the lost-and-found box," decided Nephrite.

"Wait!" said Melvin. "We can't go alone, that's dangerous! We don't want to die like last time!"

"But weren't we in pairs last time, and you all still died?" recalled Nephrite.

Melvin ignored him. "I'll use a new app on my MacBook Pro to pick the teams."

He typed for a while and then pressed a button. "Alright!" said Melv. "Here we go! The teams are… me and Diana-"

"Yahoo!" squeaked Diana.

"Nephrite and Professor Tomoe…"

"Hmm," said Tomoe.

"You have a beef with me?!" demanded Nephrite. "I'm going to be on my own team, just like last time," he stated.

"That won't do," said Melvin. "Don't make me call Molly."

Nephrite knew there was nothing he could do.

"Come on Prof," he said, and they headed off.

"Wait!" said Melvin. "You need to hear the rest of the teams!"

But they were already gone.

"Hmph," grunted Melvin. "Anyway, the other team is… Grandpa, Motoki's sister, and Malachite!"

"Excuse me?" said Kunzite. "Why did you call me my dub name?"

"I prefer dub over sub," said Melvin. "Why do you think I still go by Melvin?"

"Hmm," considered Kunzite. "Come on team!" he said enthusiastically, trying to make the most out of his outing.


Melvin and Diana started by searching the perimeter.

He let Diana ride on his shoulder.

Suddenly, Yaten of the Three Lights appeared in front of them.

Melvin got in his fighting stance, and Diana hissed.

"You season 5ers are trash!" yelled Melvin. "I didn't show up all season because of you!"

"Huh?" said the nerd in a costume.

"Oh," realized Melvin. "You're just a nerd in a costume. Why pick such a bad cosplay?"

"Who else would I cosplay at the Three Lights convention?" demanded the nerd.

"Awwww, yuck!" cried Melvin. "I hate those guys! Especially Taiki! His forehead is just too big. Let's hurry up and find my inhaler so we can get out of here!"

Diana nodded.


Nephrite and Professor Tomoe soon came to the same realization when they saw that everyone was dressed up as the Three Lights or Kakyuu.

"They're easy on the eyes," noted Tomoe.

"Not the cosplayers," said Nephrite. "They're making me cringe."

They wandered around until bumping into a large crowd.

"Next question!" said the real Seiya. He was hosting a Q & A with the other two Lights.

"Eww, get me out of line!" said Nephrite. "I hate these guys, thinking they're so good just because they're from season five!"

"Wait," said Tomoe. "Maybe we should stick it out. We can ask them where the lost-and-found is!"

"Darn, you may be right," realized Nephrite.

They stayed in line.

"Next question," said Taiki.

"Yes, hello," said a nerd. "My question is, why do I always get this image of a lady with stupid hair and an ugly face when I hear your songs?"

The Three Lights gasped.

"Hey, are you talking about our princessu?!" demanded Seiya.

"Huh? No princess would have ridiculous hair like that!"

Seiya transformed into Sailor Star Fighter and beat the nerd to death.

He got back in his seat and de-transformed. "Next question!" he shouted angrily.

"Hi," said Ami Mizuno in a Taiki costume. "My question is for Taiki!"

"Make it quick," said Taiki.

"Okay," said Ami. "Do you believe people can be reborn as stars?"

"I'm sorry," said Taiki. "I'm not going to answer that here."

Ami hung her head and walked away.

"Yaten!" exclaimed Minako who was next in line. "Sign my chest?"

"No," said Yaten. "Next!"

"Hello," said Professor Tomoe. "Do you know where the lost-and-found is?"

"No," said Seiya. "Next!"

Nephrite marched up.

"Hey, I remember you, you punk!" he yelled at Taiki. "You think cosmology is a myth!"

"Yeah, so?" said Taiki.

"Why are you still here?!" shouted Nephrite, getting heated. "Isn't your planet repaired?!"

"Sorry, one question per person," said Seiya. "If you want to ask another one, get in the back of the line."

Nephrite was too angry.

Someone tried to step ahead of him, but he threw them across the room.

Everyone took a step back.

"This nerd's gone bonkers!" cried Yaten. "Someone escort him outside!"

Nephrite ran up and snapped Yaten's neck before he could transform.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" cried Seiya. "Now we're just the Two Lights!"

"WRONG!" said Nephrite.

He snapped Seiya's neck before he could transform.

Taiki quickly transformed into Sailor Star Maker.

But Nephrite quickly snapped his neck before he could react.

"Lights out!" mocked Nephrite.

Everyone at the convention was in shock.

"You killed our idols!" cried the nerds.

"Big whoop!" shouted Nephrite. "If you want a fight, then I'll give you a fight! Come at me!"

"Star Serious Laser!" shouted a nerd in a Star Maker costume. He threw himself at Nephrite, and Nephrite snapped his neck.

The crowd surrounded Nephrite, and a kid leapt on his back.

Another kid charged with his fists.

But Nephrite grabbed the kid on his back by his arm and threw him into the other kid.

"Search for your love!" yelled a boy in a mis-colored Kakyuu costume.

"Why are you Kakyuu?" demanded Nephrite. He killed the nerd in one blow.

Five more kids took his place, and they all started swinging at Nephrite.


Kunzite, Grandpa, and Motoki's sister walked over to see what all the hub-bub was about.

"Do you like the Taiki wig I bought?" asked Motoki's sister to Kunzite.

"It suits you," said Kunzite.

Motoki's sister was flustered.

"Kunzite… I-"

She never finished the sentence because Nephrite snapped her neck.

"NEPHRITE!" yelled Grandpa. "What was that for?!"

"Oops," said Nephrite. "She looked like another generic nerd, and I had to kill all the nerds because they were attacking me."

"Oh well," said Kunzite. "No harm no foul. Did you find the lost-and-found?"

"Huh?" said Nephrite. "Oh yeah. No, I got distracted. Looks like this mission is a bust."

"Not so fast!" yelled Tomoe scampering over. "I found it! I found the lost-and-found!"

"Good work!" exclaimed Nephrite.

Melvin and Diana appeared behind them.

"YEEEE!" said Melvin. "You're my hero, Professor!"

"Aww shucks," said Tomoe.

Melvin rattled through the lost-and-found bin. "What the? My inhaler's not in here!"

"Give that to me," said Nephrite, after Melvin searched through it for a while.

Nephrite found the inhaler in two seconds.

"Here ya go, slugger."

"AHHH!" yelled Melvin with glee. "Looks like we can wrap up the Snail Con trilogy on a happy note!"

"Wait," said Nephrite. "Make sure you didn't lose anything else."

Melvin checked his inventory. "Everything seems to be here!"

"Are you sure?" asked Nephrite. "We're never coming back here again. Or at least not until Snail Con next year."

"I'm positive," concluded Melvin.

"Good," said Nephrite.

They all headed to the car, except Motoki's sister who was no longer with them.

"Hey, where'd I park?" asked Nephrite.

"It was right here," said Kunzite. "I remembered the space number."

"But… the space is empty?" said Nephrite.

He reached down and picked up a note. It was from Kenji.

"Goodbye," it said.

"Did… did that bastard take my car?!" cried Nephrite.

He lit his palm ablaze, ending the note.

"Looks like we don't end on a good note," said Melvin.

FIN