"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"How about you go find a new way to brainwash Mamoru Chiba?" asked Beryl.

"Sorry," said Jadeite. "Not in my job description."

Beryl sighed. "Someday…"

Jadeite strolled out the door. "My job is getting increasingly easy. I haven't thought of a new source of energy in months but she's yet to call my bluff."

He went home, but was bored.

"What can I do today?" he thought to himself. "I don't want to spend another weekend floating in my space."

He went over to Kunzite's castle, but no one was home.

He let himself in.

"Nice place," he thought. "I should build one of these, I totally could with ease!"

After roaming for a half an hour, he went to the kitchen and ate all the snacks in the fridge.

"Mmm," he said. "We don't have snacks like these on my side of the Negaverse. All we have is a snack machine."

With a full tummy, Jadeite took to the halls again.

He saw an expensive vase and pocketed it.

"I'm a bold guy," he told himself.

Next he saw a room labeled, "Do not enter!"

"Oh boy!" he thought and entered.

There was just a desk with a book on it.

Jadeite opened it.

"Oh boy, Zoisite's diary!" he said giddily.

He flipped to a random page and started reading. "Today I bothered Nephrite. He's really mean for a good looking guy."

"Okay, enough of this," said Jadeite, putting the diary down.

Next he raided Kunzite's dressers.

"Wowee, look at this cape!" he said putting it on, along with the shoulder things.

He strutted around in front of the mirror. "I can get used to this! Lord Jadeite of the Negaverse. Mmmm, has a nice ring!"

He skipped with the cape on back down to the kitchen.

"Dang, I ate all the snacks!"

He ransacked the cupboard but it had no more snacks. He did however find a box of Craft macaroni and cheese.

"It's my lucky day! I haven't cooked anything since the Silver Millennium, but how hard could it be to follow box instructions?"

Jadeite tried to follow the instructions but they were too fast paced.

He ended up launching a bowl of cheese water into the air.

"AHHHH!" he yelled.

The pot landed on his head, and he couldn't see.

"Where am I!?" he howled.

He ran in circles until tripping and falling down the stairs.

Finally he managed to pull the pot off his head.

That's when he looked down to see the cape was in ruins – ripped and covered in mac and cheese.

"Uh oh," said Jadeite. "I gotta fix this before Kunzite arrives!"

"I have arrived," announced Kunzite walking in.

'Who are you talking to?" asked Zoisite, entering as well.

Kunzite thought about it. "My cape. I need to go say hi to it."

Jadeite yelped and made a mad dash.

Kunzite entered the kitchen. "Zoisite," he said. "Did you eat all the food?"

"No," said Zoisite. "I have to keep my figure."

He spotted the mess that was Jadeite's attempt at mac and cheese.

"I think some kind of animal got in here," he said. "Perhaps a raccoon."

"In the Negaverse?" asked Kunzite. "Maybe it was one of those less-civilized Youmas."

"That's not right," said Zoisite. "There are no more Youmas. Jadeite disposed of them all with his failed schemes."

"Sad times," said Kunzite. "Do you think this mac is still edible?"

"I wouldn't eat that," recommended Zoisite.

"Hey look, there's some cheese-covered footprints!" spotted Kunzite. "Let's go find the beast!"

Jadeite heard Kunzite's voice approaching him.

"YeeeEEEE!" he cried, skittering into the bathroom and locking the door.

Kunzite pulled on the door.

"Who's in there? Come out at once, the jig is up!"

Jadeite started to panic. "If I'm just in the house they won't be that mad. But if they see this cape, I will be no more!"

Jadeite thought fast and flushed the cape down the toilet.

However, it didn't make it all the way.

"No no no no!" cried Jadeite, trying with the plunger.

"What's going on in there?!" demanded Kunzite.

Suddenly water started pouring out of the bathroom.

"AHHHHH!" yelled Jadeite.

"Jadeite, is that you?" shouted Kunzite. "What's going on?!"

Suddenly the door broke down and water came gushing out.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" yelled Jadeite getting carried away with the current.

"Why I oughtta!" yelled Kunzite but he was swept off his feet.

Zoisite tried to hold onto the doorframe but it didn't work.

Soon they were shot out of the castle in a burst of water and plummeted into the abyss.

"This is the end," said Zoisite as they fell into the bottomless pit.

"Jadeite, are those my shoulder pads you're wearing?" asked Kunzite.

"No," lied Jadeite.

But instead of falling forever, they landed in a pool of water.

"What the?!" said Kunzite in shock. He looked up to see his castle pouring out water like the Niagara Falls.

Soon, the water had rose so high that they were no longer in the abyss.

"Phew," said Jadeite. "That was a close one."

Kunzite and Zoisite watched as all their furniture floated out.

"No, my diary!" cried Zoisite as the diary floated past him.

He snatched it and quickly pocketed it.

"Bad diary," commented Jadeite.

"You're gonna pay for this!" yelled Zoisite.

He was about to tackle Jadeite when Queen Beryl floated by on her throne.

"What the hell did you do this time?!" shouted Beryl.

"Me?!" said Zoisite.

"Yeah, you!" yelled Beryl. "It's all coming from your house!"

"It's Jadeite's fault!" cried Zoisite. "You should punish him!"

"Maybe I should punish you, Zoisite!" shouted Beryl.

Meanwhile Kunzite watched sadly as his TV floated by.

Kenji road past on a fishing boat with his fishing rod in the water.

"Lovely day!" he called and then was gone.

The water was nearing the Negaroof now.

"Watch out for the stalactites!" cried Kunzite.

The Negaverse was a lost cause. It was no longer with them.

They teleported above ground sadly and stood at the North Pole.

"Well this is inconvenient," said Beryl.

"Yes," said Zoisite. "It's a little chilly since we're wet."

His clothes began to freeze. He had to remove them.

"Sad times," thought Kunzite.

Endymion appeared besides them. "Good work Zoisite."

"I didn't do anything!" he cried.

"Tell it to the New York Times," said Evil Endymion. "I'm going home to my apartment."

"Can we come too?" asked Beryl. "We're kind of homeless at the moment."

"No," said Endymion. He left.

"Well now what?" said Beryl.


Nephrite sat at home, watching TV.

"I love living on Earth, all by myself with no annoying tenants," he said out loud.

He heard a knock on his door.

"I swear, if this is Zoisite or Jadeite…"

"Don't worry," said Zoisite. "It's both of us."

Nephrite opened the door.

"Kunzite?! Beryl?! And Kenji!? What is this, some kind of jamboree?!"

"Zoisite flooded the Negaverse," said Beryl sadly.

Zoisite tried to throw a punch but it had no effect.

"So we're moving in," concluded Beryl.

"Uh, no," said Nephrite.

"Uh, yes," said Beryl walking in.

The rest of them followed.

"I hope you don't mind if I leave my bags here," said Kenji, dropping 20 suitcases in the doorway.

"Yes, I do mind," said Nephrite.

Neph opened up one of the suitcases.

It was full of toast.

"Why are you here?" demanded Nephrite.

"I wanted to come to the jamboree," admitted Kenji. "I'm actually not homeless; I have a nice house. But I like to consider the Negaverse my home away from Shingo."

Nephrite understood. "Okay, you're fine," he decided. "But the rest of you can't stay here."

Zoisite threw himself on the couch. "What's the matter, Nephrite?" he asked. "I pretty much live here anyway!"

Beryl shoved her throne through the door and positioned it in front of Nephrite's TV.

"Hey!" said Zoisite. "Move it!"

"Sorry," said Beryl. She left it at that, and turned on Uncle Grandpa.

"Man," said Nephrite. "It just hasn't been my week."


One day later…

Nephrite rolled over and felt someone next to him.

"Molly?" he asked hopefully.

"No," said Jadeite. "There were no more sleeping bags so I decided to bunk with you!"

"This isn't a bunk," said Nephrite. "This is an invasion of my space, and I'm uncomfortable."

"Sad times," said Jadeite. "But you'll get used to it eventually!"

"No I won't," said Nephrite.

He stepped outside and looked at his mansion.

"I'll miss this place," he said sadly.

He walked back in with 100 sticks of dynamite and tossed them everywhere.

"Hey, can you move out of the way?" said Zoisite. "I'm watching TV."

Nephrite swapped out the remote in Zoisite's hand with a dynamite stick.

"What's wrong with this thing?" asked Zoisite. "It won't let me go to the guide."

The house exploded.

Everyone stood in the rubble.

"Well that was rude," said Zoisite.

"SHIT!" realized Nephrite. "I blew up the stars!"

"Not to worry my boy," said Kenji. "I'll be your star."

Nephrite face-palmed. "Now what do we do?"

Beryl was not happy.


Mamoru Chiba heard a knock on his door. He didn't answer it.

"I've got this," said Jadeite.

He went outside and flew up to the window. He banged on the window.

Mamoru closed the blinds.

He turned up his TV.

"There's nothing we can do," said Kunzite. "That Endymion bested me again."


Grandpa heard a knock on his door, and took out a rifle.

"Who is it?" asked Rei.

"It's the tax collectors," said Grandpa. "They're trying to repossess the temple!"

"Why would that be?" asked Rei.

"No time!" said Grandpa. "Take this samurai sword! Chad, load the cannons and fill up the moat!"

"Yes sensei!" called Chad.

Grandpa answered the door.

"Hey," said Beryl.

"Hello," said Grandpa, not sure what their intentions were. "Have you come to recruit me to the dark force? I'm ready."

"Well, not exactly," said Beryl. "We need a place to stay…"

"OHH!" said Grandpa. "Why didn't you say so? Come on in, please, make yourselves at home!"

They all nervously stepped inside.

It looked surprisingly normal.

Jadeite checked the basement for children.

"This is odd," he said. "None to be found."

"Now," said Grandpa. "As you know, there are some rules here. I won't make you pay rent while you're down on your luck, as long as you follow my demands."

"Oh no," said the Shitennou and Beryl.

Kenji just shrugged. "I can go home any time if this gets too weird," he told himself.

"What are your demands?" asked Beryl finally.

"Hmm," said Grandpa with a smirk.


Beryl angrily walked out with the maid costume on.

"This is offensive," she stated. "I am a queen."

"Queens are not homeless," stated Grandpa.

Queen Beryl didn't have a response.

"Now where's my tea?" asked Grandpa.

"Yes, Grandpa," said Beryl bitterly.

"Eh eh eh," said Grandpa, wagging his finger. "That's Grandpa-sama to you!"

"Yes, Grandpa-sama!" shouted Beryl.

"Good girl," said Grandpa. "It better be good tea, with lots of love!"

"Hahahhahaha," laughed Zoisite to the others. "Look at Beryl, this is hilarious!"

"Hey there," said Grandpa approaching.

Zoisite got on guard.

"First order of business," he said. "Put on this wig, young lady."

"Are you talking to me?" asked Zoisite.

"I see no other young ladies," stated Grandpa.

"Kunzite help!" said Zoisite.

"Sorry," said Kunzite. "My hands are tied."

Zoisite put on the blonde wig.

"Mmm," said Grandpa. "Now, do you want a maid outfit, or maybe a school swimsuit?"

"How about neither," said Zoisite.

Grandpa shook his head sadly. "You just don't understand," he said. "Do you want to go back to the streets?"

"Uh… no," said Zoisite.

"Then one or the other!" shouted Grandpa.

Zoisite put on the Japanese school uniform swimsuit. "This is unfortunate. Why did you give me a girl swimsuit?"

"Why do you think?" said Grandpa. "You are a smart girl, you can figure it out."

"This is humiliating," muttered Zoisite.

"What do you want me to do?" asked Jadeite.

"Haha," thought Grandpa. "I have the best task for you."

Jadeite waited.

Grandpa passed him a broom.

"You're the new Chad, pal! Have fun!"

"What happened to the old Chad?!" cried Jadeite.

"I put him to rest," said Grandpa. "Now go sweep the flame room."

"Yes Grandpa-sama," said Jadeite.

Nephrite and Kunzite cowered in the corner.

"Maybe he won't spot us," said Kunzite.

"Kunzite my boy!" said Grandpa.

Kunzite sighed. "I'll take the swimsuit."

"No, no," said Grandpa. "I want you to court my young daughter Rei."

"I'm sorry," said Kunzite. "But that ship simply won't work."

"Why not?" asked Grandpa. "You see, my girl Rei is a very good girl. However she seems to have fallen for some homeless bum that has since deceased. You seem like a respectable guy, though. Go win her heart!"

"I'm sorry," said Kunzite. "I like boys."

"So do I," said Grandpa. "You can date me instead if you don't want Rei."

Kunzite thought about it. "I'll go talk to that Rei!"

He fled.

"Alright, do your worst!" yelled Nephrite.

Grandpa looked him over.

"Spin around," he suggested.

Nephrite spun around.

"Mmmmmmm," said Grandpa. "This might work. Spin around the other way."

Nephrite complied because he had no choice.

"Alright, that's enough," said Grandpa. "I'll have it ready soon enough, so just you wait."

Nephrite was upset. "This is the worst yet! The suspense is killing me!"

Suddenly Beryl re-emerged.

"Here's your tea," she said. "I haven't made tea before in my life, so I tried my best."

"It's okay, as long as you made it with love!" said Grandpa.

"What do you mean?" asked Beryl.

"Now follow my lead," said Grandpa.

He made a heart with his hands and struck a pose. "Here's your tea, master! I made it with a LOT of LOVE!"

Then he blew a kiss.

"Now do that," he stated.

"I don't think I can," said Beryl sadly.

"Well you have no home," reminded Grandpa. "You don't wanna end up on the streets, do you?"

"No," said Beryl.

She shakily made her hands into a heart. She had to put all her energy into keeping her hands in that position.

"Your arms are shaking," said Grandpa.

"Please make it stop," pleaded Beryl.

"No, sadly," said Grandpa shaking his head. "Now finish the routine!"

Beryl struck a pose weakly.

"4/10," commented Grandpa.

"Here's your tea…"

Grandpa waited.

"M-m-m-m-m-mas-"

"Dammit, I'm a queen!" Beryl shouted.

She threw the tea in Grandpa's face, and then threw herself at him.

Grandpa wasn't ready for this surprise attack and took the blow.

She spawned a giant crystal. "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she yelled as she went to throw it.

"No, don't!" yelled Jadeite.

"Stop!" yelled Nephrite. "You can't defeat him!"

Beryl paused. But then she picked the crystal back up. "I know that, but it's too late now. I already dug my own grave, it's too late to go back. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she shouted again.

She threw the crystal, and it shattered against Grandpa's rock hard chest.

Grandpa shook his head. "You had so much potential."

He grabbed her by the neck within an instant.

"Please, no!" she yelled.

He shook his head again, then ended her story.

"QUEEN BERYL!" cried Jadeite. "You're gonna pay for that!"

He shot lightning out of his palms. It was a direct hit.

Smoke shot out in all directions, and Jadeite grabbed his mop and charged with all he had.

The other Shitennou waited, but Jadeite did not emerge.

The smoke cleared and there were no remains of Jadeite. It was as if he never existed.

Grandpa wiped the dust off his shirt.

"Anyone else?" he asked.

The other Shitennou took a step back.

"That's what I thought," said Grandpa. He sat down and pulled out his newspaper as if he hadn't just killed two people.

They all met up in the kitchen.

"We gotta get out of here!" cried Zoisite. "We're goners!"

"There's no way we can escape," said Kunzite. "He'll hear us a mile away!"

"What are we talking about?" asked Grandpa, standing behind them.

They all leapt back ten feet and shrieked.

Grandpa waited. "What are we talking about?"

"Uh, nothing," said Nephrite. "We were just talking about how… uh, you could use a glass of lemonade! I think we left some in our bags outside!"

They all started to walk towards the door.

Grandpa raised an eyebrow.

Nephrite decided it was all or nothing and bolted for the exit.

He looked to the side, expecting to see the Shitennou following behind him, but there was no one at his side.

Zoisite and Kunzite just hung their heads, not wanting to watch another death.

Nephrite threw open the door and sprinted outside.

He dashed down the temple steps. "Where can I teleport to safety? The Negaverse is still flooded! I know, I'll go to Molly's house!"

He stopped and began his instantaneous teleport.

But suddenly something impaled him in the heart.

It was Grandpa's jab.

Nephrite looked down at Grandpa's hand that was where his heart used to be.

He died.

Zoisite and Kunzite looked at each other.

"Should we try to escape since Grandpa's outside?" asked Zoisite.

"Don't even speak of it," said Kunzite. "Look."

Grandpa was sitting in his chair, reading his paper.

"I'll have some steak," stated Grandpa.

Kunzite spawned some steak.

"Hmm," said Grandpa. "I like mine medium."

Kunzite lit his palms ablaze and roasted the steak.

"Yum," said Grandpa, digging in.

Five hours later, he finished the newspaper and stood up.

"Where are you going?" asked Zoisite suspiciously.

"It's time for bed," said Grandpa. "I expect the temple cleaned inside and out, since all my helpers are dead. If I wake up and see a particle of dust, you know what will happen."

Grandpa started up the stairs, but then paused.

"It didn't have to be this way," he said sadly. "But you can thank your queen and those other fools!"

Grandpa went to bed.

Zoisite and Kunzite stood there for two hours.

"I think we're in the clear," said Kunzite at last.

They slowly tip-toed to Grandpa's bedroom, and took a peek inside.

He was lying face-down and snoring.

"Alright," said Kunzite. "I'm gonna go fetch Kenji from the basement. You wait outside."

"Should we really split up?" asked Zoisite.

"Don't worry," said Kunzite nervously. "If I run into Grandpa I can take him."

"Okay," said Zoisite, despite the fact that neither of them believed that.

Kunzite started tip-toeing down the hall.

"Where are we going?" asked Grandpa behind him.

Kunzite nearly jumped out of his skin.

He slowly turned around, causing a loud creaking sound effect.

Grandpa was standing there with a candle under his face, creating a ghoulish shadow effect. He looked like a demon straight out of hell.

"Nice candle," said Kunzite.

"Where are we going?" repeated Grandpa.

"I'm just going to Rei's room," said Kunzite, thinking on his feet.

"Ahhhh, good!" said Grandpa. "For a second I thought you were trying to escape!"

"HAha, yeah right!" said Kunzite sweating like an animal. "Actually, I'm getting kind of tired. I think I'm gonna go to bed and then talk to Rei tomorrow!"

"Okay," said Grandpa. "Goodnight."

Kunzite went into his bedroom and Grandpa went into his.

"Alright, forget about Kenji," said Kunzite. "He has his own house. If I want to get out of here alive, I'm going to have to escape now."

He climbed out the window and met Zoisite outside.

"Let's get out of here!" exclaimed Zoisite.

"Where are we gonna teleport?" asked Kunzite.

"Anywhere but here!" said Zoisite.

That's when they were spotted by the crows.

The black birds let out a loud shriek.

"No!" cried Zoisite.

They teleported as fast as they could, because despite Grandpa's unrealistic speed, he couldn't defy physics and make it there that fast.


They appeared in Crown Arcade.

"We're safe here," said Kunzite. "He can't hurt us!"

Zoisite nodded. "This place isn't even open."

Luna looked over from the arcade booth she was talking to, and let out a shriek.

"No!" she cried. "How did you find me?!"

Kunzite ended her. "Feels good," he said.

"Let's camp here for the night," suggested Zoisite. "Then maybe we can gather up some funds and get an apartment very far away from here, and put this whole thing behind us."

Kunzite agreed.

That night, Grandpa found them and ended them in one blow before they could even wake up.

"Well then," said Grandpa. "They'll be respawned by that Metalia character once the Negaverse dries out. However, I kindly invited them into my home for free, and they betrayed me. I see how it is. This isn't over!"


Kenji woke up the next morning, still at Grandpa's house.

He opened up one of his suitcases and pulled out a piece of toast.

"Mmm," he said.

He entered the living room.

Grandpa was reading his paper.

"Where are my boys the Shitennou?" asked Kenji.

"They passed," said Grandpa sadly.

"Ah," said Kenji. "I think I'll go home to Shingo now."

"Goodbye," said Grandpa.

"Farewell," said Kenji.

FIN