"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Jadeite, get out of my house!" shouted Beryl. "Who gave you my address?!"

"No one," said Jadeite. "The Negaverse doesn't have very many houses, so I looked you up in the single page phonebook."

"Never question me!" yelled Beryl.

She threw Jadeite out and chain-locked the door.


"Hmm," said Zoisite on a random island in the Caribbean.

"Beryl sent me out to find the next rainbow crystal, but for some reason the Black Crystal sent me here! I think it needs to be looked at by a professional."

He called Nephrite.

"Hey my boy," he said enthusiastically.

"Oh, you again," said Nephrite. "What do you want?"

"Remember that Black Crystal you gave me?" asked Zoisite.

"I never gave you that," said Nephrite.

"Well you did. I was just wondering if I could bring it in for a repair…"

"Haha, good one," said Nephrite.

"I agree," said Zoisite. "So how does 8 o'clock sound?"

Nephrite hung up.

"I guess he's busy then," concluded Zoisite. "Maybe this thing actually is working properly, I just don't see the person yet. Gamer Joe, are you here?"

His voice echoed but there was no answer.

"I'm here to save you from the island you're stranded on, Joey!"

Joe didn't respond.

"Hmm," said Zoisite. "I'll go check in the wilderness."

After nearly dying to a pack of shriekers, Zoisite was able to make it to a safe clearing.

"That was close," he said in a shaky voice. "Good thing my survival instincts kicked in. Hey, what's this?"

Zoisite reached down and picked up a treasure map.

"Woah, a treasure map! This looks like Japan! This is happening the opposite of how it should have. I should have been in Japan and found a map of an island. But oh well."

Zoisite gave up on the crystals for the day. "I'll wait for Nephrite to repair this. Meanwhile, time to find this treasure!"

The instructions and key for the map were a set of riddles.

"Hmm," thought Zoisite. "I don't have time for this. I'll just dig up all of Japan, I'm bound to find the treasure eventually!"

He teleported to Japan with a shovel.

"Time for some manual labor!" he said, tying his Shitennou jacket around his waist.


Two minutes later…

Zoisite fell to the ground defeated.

"I gave up," he said. "Manual labor takes too much work. I won't be able to do this alone."

He thought about it for a while.

"I need a couple of suckers to do all the work and then give me all the reward. But where can I find fools like that?"


Melvin and Molly stood there, examining the map.

"Where did you find this?" asked Molly.

"Don't worry about it," said Zoisite.

Melvin tried to pick up the shovel but it was too heavy.

"Can you give me a hand, Zoycite?"

"It's Zoisite," said Zoisite. "Don't call me my dub name, Umino."

"Sorry ma'am," said Melvin. "Can I have a lighter shovel?"

"No," said Zoisite.

He left it at that.

"Anyway," said Molly. "Why did you pick us?"

"Oh," said Zoisite. "Because you seem like a couple of fools. I mean a couple of tools. I mean… I'll give you 1/32nd of all the profits you earn!"

"Wowee!" said Melvin. "I don't need to be smart at math to know that's a good deal!"

"Alright," said Zoisite. "Time to get crack-o-lackin'. Call me when you find the treasure."

He started to walk away.

"What are you gonna do?" asked Molly.

"I found the map," explained Zoisite. "It took me like so long. That was the real brains of this operation."

"Hmm," said Melvin. "Map finding is tough. Let's hop to getting that treasure, Molly!"

"Yahoo!" agreed Molly.

Zoisite left.

"Fools," he snickered.

Melvin pulled out his trusty MacBook Pro and started typing into it like a madman.

"Maylvin!" said Molly. "What are you up to?"

Melvin snorted. "I have an app on my MacBook Pro that can decipher code."

"Why do you always need to specify what Mac product you have?" asked Molly. "You could just say Mac."

"No, no, no," said Melvin. "Then you might think it's a cheaper model."

Molly nodded in understanding.

Infrared light shot out of the camera on the Mac and scanned the sheet of paper.

It translated the code into Japanese.

"Good thing I study this language," said Dub Melvin.

He pulled out a compass. "This way!" he howled. "Thirty paces east!"

When he got there, Molly was no longer with him.

"How'd I lose her?" he wondered.

He backtracked twenty paces west.

"Molly!" he sighed. "I told you to go east!"

"I don't have a compass," said Molly.

"You could have followed me," said Melvin.

"Eh, I saw some kids from school and I didn't want to be seen with you."

Melvin hung his head. "Sad times," he said.

He drank a cranberry milkshake to feel better.

He was now energized and started doing jumping jacks.

"This is why I don't want to be seen with you," sighed Molly.

"ONWARD!" yelled Melvin. "Hup hup hup!"

Molly waited several minutes until they were separated and then followed.

They stopped at the only pine tree in the area.

"This is the spot," said Melvin. He adjusted his bifocals. "We must run circles around this exactly eight times!"

"I'm not doing that," said Molly.

"You have to!" cried Melvin. He had somehow acquired a Sherlock Holmes outfit and was holding a magnifying glass.

Molly could no longer question his legitimacy.

They circled the tree and then headed back down the street.

"Double take three times!" shouted Melvin suddenly.

"Huh?!" said Molly.

"Good, now two more times!" said Melvin.

They kept going.

They went through many trials, until arriving at a red X in the dirt.

"Here it is," said Melvin. "Did you bring the shovel?"

"No," said Molly.

"That's okay," said Melvin. "I'll just dig with my hands! Hold my MacBook Pro!"

Molly held onto it for dear life as Melvin went burrowing in the dirt like a mole.

Ten minutes later she heard Melvin shriek.

"YOUCH!" he yelled. "I smashed into something metal!"

Molly leapt into the hole.

She fell for hours, or it felt like hours anyway.

Then, she landed in a pool of water.

When she rose to the surface, she was in a room filled with pure gold, diamonds, and the Silver Imperial Crystal.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" cried Molly. "It's beautiful! My mummy will never have to restock the jewelry store again!"

"Wait," said Melvin. "Where's my MacBook Pro?"

It floated to the surface of the pool.

Melvin gasped.

He dove in after it.

"HELP!" he shrieked. "I can't swim!"

He flailed his arms rapidly, but it was no use.

"Take the gold out of your pockets!" cried Molly.

"I can't!" said Melvin. "It's MIIIIINE!"

He sunk to the bottom.

Molly had to rescue him.

"Phew," he said coughing up water.

Then he remembered.

"AH!" he cried. "The MacBook is drowning! Save it, Molly!"

"Okay!" said Molly.

She swam back to the bottom, but suddenly she got leg cramps.

She reached for the MacBook anyway, but her foot got tangled in some vines.

"NO!" she gurgled.

Ten minutes later Molly surfaced from the water coughing.

"I'm… I'm alive!" she exclaimed, gasping for breath. She collapsed.

"Oh no!" squealed Melvin.

He ran towards Molly and then kept going. He snatched the MacBook that was in her hands and cradled it like a baby.

"Are you okay?!" he cried. "Thank heavens you're waterproof!"

He examined the screen. "Molly!" he barked. "There's a scratch on my screen cover! What gives?! Those things cost $30!"

Molly unfortunately was unable to respond as she had almost died.

"D'ah," said Melvin.


20 minutes later Molly came to.

Melvin was making snow angels out of the gold. "I can't wait for my 1/32nd reward!"

"Should we call that Zoisite guy now then?" asked Molly.

"Of course," said Melvin. "We promised we'd call him if we found the treasure!"

He went to FaceTime him on his MacBook Pro.

"Well?" said Molly.

"Change of plans," said Melvin suddenly. "We take all the treasure and don't tell Zoisite at all."

"That sounds like a horrible plan," said Molly. "Zoisite will end us."

"Nah," said Melvin. "We'll tell him the map was a hoax."


The next day, Zoisite appeared in front of them.

"Well?" he demanded. "How was the hunt?"

Melvin hung his head. "Sadly, there was no treasure."

"Aww gee, seriously?" said Zoisite. "That's a real shame!"

"Yeah," said Melvin.

He waited for Zoisite to apologize for the trouble he caused them but he did not.

"Well, you win some you lose some," said Zoisite at last. "So long. And just because you helped me, I won't kill you today."

Melvin almost felt guilty, but Molly shook her head at him.

"Goodbye," said Zoisite.

Suddenly something bright caught his eye.

"Hey, that's an interesting new cover you got on your MacBook Pro," noted Zoisite.

"Yes," agreed Melvin. "It looks like real gold, doesn't it?"

Zoisite closely examined it. "Wait a minute, this is real gold! Is your family really that rich, Melvin? Why do you go to a public school?"

"Well, umm," said Melvin breaking a sweat. "You see,"

Molly started to butt in.

"Hey," said Zoisite. "Are those diamond earrings? They have to be over 20 karats!"

"Yes," said Molly. "My mom owns a jewelry store."

"I know that," said Zoisite. "But those are biiiiiig diamonds!"

"Heh heh," chuckled Molly nervously. "They were a birthday gift!"

"And the diamond encrusted shoes?" asked Zoisite.

"Yep, those too!" choked Molly.

"Very interesting," said Zoisite. "Oh well."

He teleported away.

"I can't believe that worked," said Melvin.

"Why did you show up with your golden MacBook case?!" demanded Molly.

"Why did you come with diamond earrings?" retorted Melvin.

Their limo showed up.

"Looks like we slid under the radar this time!" said Melvin giddily. "See, I told you it would work!"

They hopped in the limo.

"Take us to California!" demanded Melvin.

"California? From Tokyo?" asked the limo driver. "That would be very expensive."

"Don't worry," said Melvin. "We just found some hidden treasure!"

"Oh," said Zoisite who was driving the limo. "Alright, I'll take you there immediately."

"Thank you," said Melvin. "And make it snappy!"

Zoisite started to drive.

"This is the life," said Molly, stepping into the hot tub.

"Hey," said Melvin. "I'll have a caviar smoothie!"

"Here you go," said Zoisite.

"Thanks," said Melvin, reaching in his wallet. "Do you accept gold bars?"

"Yes," said Zoisite.

Melvin handed him three gold bars.

Zoisite put them down.

"Sit back and enjoy your ride!" he told them.

Molly looked out the window.

"Hoy Melvin? Is it just me, or is this limo off the ground?"

"AHHH!" cried Melvin, seeing that they were ten feet off the ground and still rising.

He tried to open the door but Zoisite locked it.

"LET ME OUT!?" screamed Melvin.

A portal appeared and Zoisite drove in.

"Where are you taking us?!" demanded Molly. "Is this some sort of negative dimension?"

"You have a lot to learn," said Zoisite.

Then their vision went dark.


Melvin and Molly awoke, and they were tied back to back.

"Welcome to the Negaverse," said Zoisite now in uniform.

"How'd you know we found the treasure and didn't tell you?" asked Melvin.

"Because I'm not stupid," said Zoisite. "I'm actually a pretty smart guy!"

"We'll never tell you the location!" yelled Melvin.

"Melvin," said Molly. "Maybe we should tell him the location. He's gonna torture the information out of us!"

"No way!" said Melvin. "I don't care what you do to me, I'll never tell! You can't kill us, because then you'll never know where it is!"

"Don't worry," said Zoisite. "I'm not gonna torture you. But I can't say the same about your friend."

Melvin turned around and saw his MacBook Pro which was tied to a torture bed.

Zoisite cracked his whip.

"No!" cried Melvin. "He's innocent! Stop, you'll scratch the screen!"

"That's too bad," said Zoisite. "Don't make me download a virus!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" squeaked Melvin. "My warranty has run out!"

"Hmm," said Zoisite. "You put me in a tight spot."

"OKAY!" cried Melvin. "I'll tell!"

He gave Zoisite exact coordinates to the treasure.

Zoisite took out a notebook and wrote them down.

"Now can you let us go?" asked Melvin.

"Sorry," said Zoisite. He pushed them into the abyss.

"Now to claim my treasure!"

Zoisite teleported to the coordinates.

It was the middle of the ocean.

"Dammit!" he yelled. "That nerd gave me the wrong coordinates on purpose! I should have checked before I killed them! D'ah."

Zoisite pawned Melvin's MacBook Pro but it didn't get as much money as he expected.

He pulled out his treasure map. "Alright, back to square one!"

He examined the riddles.

"I don't have time for this," he said.


"Okay…" said Motoki, with his sister. "I've been good at crossword puzzles since I was a kid! I can definitely solve this!"

"Good," said Zoisite. "Call me when you find the treasure!"

FIN