"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Yes," said Queen Beryl. "Jadeite," she said then. "There is a pet show coming up."
"Oh boy!" said Jadeite. "Queen Beryl, will you get a puppy to enter with?"
"That's just it," said Beryl. "The prize is something called the Imperium Silver Crystal!"
"Is that important?" asked Jadeite.
"Uh, yeah?" said Beryl. "It's only the most important thing in the world! It's the only thing standing between us and world domination!"
"Mmmm," said Jadeite. "So you will enter then?"
"No," said Beryl. "You will enter!"
"Ah, you're right," agreed Jadeite. "I'll pick out the coolest pup ever!"
"No," said Beryl. "You will enter as the pet! We need a sure win, we can't just put our faith in some animal!"
Jadeite was shocked. "We can't do that," he said. "Can't you use one of those uncivilized animal-like Youmas, such as the one that attacked Nephrite with the horns?"
"I just told you!" said Beryl. "We can't just put our faith in some animal!"
Jadeite was starting to panic. "You know Beryl m'lady," said Jadeite, trying to smooth-talk his way out. "I once had an energy plan with these cool little rabbit pets. You should enter with one of those!"
"Sorry," said Beryl. "I already signed you up."
"Might I remind you, you have three other warriors who would snap up a job like this!" said Jadeite.
"Sorry," repeated Beryl. "I already signed you up."
"That doesn't matter!" said Jadeite. "It's just a name on paper!"
"Sorry," repeated Beryl. "But my hands are tied."
Jadeite sat on the floor next to Beryl in the middle of the pet show arena.
"Hey guys," said Nephrite walking over with Leo the Lion.
"What is this?" demanded Jadeite. "I thought you said you didn't have any other options than me, Beryl!"
"Sorry," said Beryl. "But only Nephrite can command Leo. I wanted to enter as well to increase our chances."
"Jadeite, what are you doing?" asked Nephrite. "Are you pretending to be a pet?"
"Yes, he is," said Beryl, pulling on his leash.
"Good luck," said Nephrite to both of them. "But I'm going to win and take the crystal for myself!"
"Not funny," said Beryl.
"Who's joking?" asked Nephrite. "So long!"
Beryl narrowed her eyes but there was nothing she could do.
Kunzite and Zoisite sat in the audience.
"Is that Jadeite?" asked Zoisite, looking through binoculars. "I knew Beryl was participating, but I didn't think it would be with Jadeite!"
"Let me see that!" said Kunzite. "Ah, very odd indeed."
"Pass me that double looking glass," said Grandpa, who was sitting beside Kunzite.
"Hey, this is my arm rest!" yelled Kunzite.
"Don't worry," said Grandpa, placing his arm on Kunzite's. "We can share."
"I want to go home," stated Kunzite.
"Come on," said Zoisite. "We have to see if Beryl's actually allowed to just use an obvious humanoid as her pet!"
"Hey, Beryl!" said Jadeite. "Do I have to sit on the floor?"
"Yes," said Beryl. "And you can't talk either!"
"How come that cat's allowed to talk?" demanded Jadeite, pointing to Artemis who flanked Minako.
"You're seeing things," said Beryl.
"I don't get paid enough to do this," sighed Jadeite. "I don't get paid at all."
The inspectors were approaching.
"Jadeite!" barked Beryl. "Sit up straight!"
"With your barking, you could be the pet," said Jadeite but only to himself.
The inspectors looked Jadeite over from top to bottom.
They raised an eyebrow.
Beryl shrugged, and they moved on.
"Phew," said Beryl.
The inspectors looked at Leo the Lion with much awe.
"Cool pet," they said.
"Thanks," said Nephrite. "I trained him myself."
"What breed of lion is he?" wondered an inspector.
"Space," answered Nephrite. He left it at that.
The first challenge of the pet show was a simple race and flaming hoop jump.
All the pets and Jadeite lined up.
"They don't pay me enough to do this," repeated Jadeite.
"Shut up," said Beryl standing behind him.
She eyed the competition.
Standing next to Jadeite was Artemis, whose owner was Minako.
In the next place over stood Leo, and after that was Rei and her crows.
"Those birds will be tough in a race and hoop jump," noted Jadeite.
"Yes," said Beryl. "Be sure to sprint on your two legs. You don't have to crawl or anything stupid, we need to win!"
"Okay," said Jadeite. He stood up.
Motoki sat on Jadeite's other side, feeding his purebred mutt a dog treat.
"Let's have a good clean race!" said Motoki to the others. "But just to let you know, my dog is a purebred!"
"Anyone can see that," said Jadeite rudely.
"Hey," said Motoki. "Are you really a pet?"
Jadeite nodded.
"Hmm," considered Motoki. "Definitely not a purebred."
"Take that back!" yelled Jadeite, tugging on his leash to get his hands on Motoki's pup.
"Back!" yelled Beryl.
Jadeite sat down but glared daggers at the pooch.
"I'll show you!" said Jadeite.
The dog barked in response.
"Hidy ho!" yelled Melvin, who was standing next to Motoki.
His pet was some kind of slug.
"Is your pet some kind of slug?" asked Beryl.
"Snail!" squawked Melvin.
"Ah," said Beryl.
"I have a snail too!" said Kenji Tsukino, next to Melvin.
"Kenji," said Beryl. "Your snail is a rock."
"Yes," said Kenji. "He has nerves o' steel."
That's when the host blew their whistle, and Jadeite took off sprinting like a normal man.
All the pets were left in the dust.
"HAhahahahahahahah!" shouted Jadeite. "This is too easy! I will win without breaking a sweat!"
That's when he spotted Motoki's purebred running beside him at equal velocity.
"HEY!" said Jadeite. "What is this?!"
Jadeite picked up his pace, and left the dog in the dust.
"IMA WIN THIS!" he screamed as he ran.
He was soon approaching the flaming hoop, but he had to increase his speed further.
"AHHHHHHHH!" he yelled as he leapt into the air.
"Keep it together!" yelled Beryl.
"What?" asked Jadeite turning around as he flew through the air.
That's when he collided with the edge of the hoop and his clothes were instantly burnt off.
He face-planted into the ground, and finished in last place, even behind Melvin's snail and Kenji's rock.
Jadeite returned to Beryl.
"I tried my best," he said.
Beryl was angry. "What are you doing?" she demanded. "You're competing against a bunch of pea-brained animals! Why didn't you win?!"
"Don't worry," said Jadeite. "Nephrite's lion finished first. He'll win the crystal for sure!"
"That's not good enough!" said Beryl. "Also, I'm not 100% sure on his loyalty. If he took the crystal, my pride would be shattered. I'd rather have it in Sailor Moon's hands than his!"
"Harsh words," said Jadeite. "But I agree, that Nephrite is a wildcard."
Nephrite walked over to gloat. "Actually," he said. "Sounds like I'm a winning card! Hahahahahaha!"
"Go to hell!" shouted Beryl. "My boy Jadeite will beat your stupid lion! And we will get the crystal!"
"In your dreams!" said Nephrite. "The world will be mine!"
"What?!" demanded Beryl.
Nephrite walked away.
"Good match," chuckled Motoki approaching. "Second place is first compared to third! Heh heh!"
"Shut up, idiot," said Beryl. "Your dog will go down!"
The next round was a maze, with the first pet to get to the end being the winner.
"This will be easy," said Beryl. "Those stupid animals have short term memories incapable of cracking such a puzzle! This is your time to shine!"
"Yes," agreed Jadeite. "No way will that mongrel best me here! And the lion is stupid too!"
"Yes!" shouted Beryl. "Yes! That's what I want to hear! Now go get 'em, slugger!"
The challenge started, and Jadeite took off into the maze.
He took a left and then a right and then two lefts.
"I win!" he shouted running out of the maze.
"Jadeite, you idiot!" shouted Beryl. "This is the start! Get back in there!"
"NOooooOOO!" yelled Jadeite. He dashed back in.
He took a right and then a right and then a forward, running right into a dead end.
He retraced his steps from the last turn and took a left and then a right and then a left.
But he ran into another dead end.
"This is hopeless," he said. He started climbing the maze wall.
Finally he got on top of the maze, and climbed over to the finish line.
"I win!" he cheered.
"No," said Rei Hino. "My crows won."
"Hey, that's cheating!" said Jadeite. "They just flew over it!"
"You just climbed over the maze," retorted Rei. "And you still got fifth place!"
"Huh?!" said Jadeite.
Motoki stood there with a grin on his face, as did Nephrite.
The other person who finished above him was Artemis who took second.
"Better luck next time," said Artemis to Jadeite.
"Hey, that cat just talked!" shouted Jadeite.
"You're a talking pet too," said Artemis. "Don't tell on a bro!"
"I am not a pet!" said Jadeite. "I am one of the Negaverse's Great Four!"
"The Negaverse?!" exclaimed Artemis. "Minako, look out!"
"Be quiet," said Minako. "You're talking in public again."
"Drat," said Artemis. "When this is over, you're toast, Negascum!"
"Heh," said Jadeite.
It was the final round.
"I wonder what it will be," said Beryl.
That's when Jadeite entered the center of the arena.
Artemis stepped forward as well.
"Let's go!" said Artemis in a raspy voice, hopping back and forth.
"What are we doing?" Jadeite asked him.
That's when he heard a bell.
"Round one of pet battles, begin!" shouted the host.
"What?!" cried Jadeite. "This isn't legal!"
Artemis threw himself at Jadeite's legs, making him lose his balance.
Jadeite fell over and Artemis lunged for his face.
Jadeite swatted Artemis like a fly, and the feline landed on his feet.
"It's not over!" yelled Artemis.
Jadeite got to his feet, and fired lightning out of his palms.
But Artemis was at the top of his game, and strafed all the blasts, half by pure luck.
He threw himself again, but Jadeite saw this coming, and threw an elbow into his neck.
Artemis was defeated.
"That was a lot harder than it should have been," said Jadeite.
"YAHHOOOOO!" shouted Beryl.
Kunzite and Zoisite cheered for Jadeite from the stands but they were too far back.
Minako ran over to Artemis, whose brutally bashed corpse laid on the ground.
"Artemis!" she cried. "No! Say something!"
"M-Mina!" said Artemis. "Did I do good?"
"Yes," lied Mina, petting his head. "You did great! You gave it all you had!"
She cradled him like a newborn baby and went home.
Jadeite went to leave the arena, but the host stopped him.
"Where do you think you're going?" he said. "It's time for round two!"
"This is relentless," groaned Jadeite.
He walked back in.
The next opponent was none other than Motoki's purebred.
"Ha!" shouted Jadeite. "I'll teach you!"
"Go get him, boy!" said Motoki to the pup. "Victory is in your genetics!"
The pup started to growl, and charged at Jadeite.
It threw itself at Jadeite, but Jadeite's image vanished.
He appeared behind the purebred, and grabbed it by the tail.
He swung it over his head, and then batted it like a paddleball.
He threw it to the ground, and did a piledriver onto its spine.
It was defeated.
"I can't believe you lost!" said Motoki to his pooch. "That's okay, second is the first to third!"
"That doesn't make any sense!" gloated Jadeite.
"What is this?!" cried Motoki. "Australian rules?!"
"No," said Jadeite.
Motoki healed his beast and then left.
"Now who do I face?" called Jadeite.
"You're advancing into the finals," said the host. "Please wait for the other brackets to catch up."
Jadeite sat on the bench next to Beryl.
"Hey, on the ground!" said Beryl.
"Right," said Jadeite angrily. "So who are we waiting on?"
They looked over to see Melvin's snail in an arena facing off against one of Rei's crows.
"Go get 'em, Snaily!" yelled Melvin.
The snail approached the crow, but the crow took to the skies.
It dove down towards the snail.
"Snail!" yelled Melvin. "Dodge it!"
The snail retreated into its shell, but the crow picked up the shell in its talons.
It piledrove it into the ground, cracking it.
"Don't worry!" yelled Melvin. He threw in a back-up shell, but then he got disqualified.
"You… you monster!" yelled Melvin at the crow. "No one harms my snail and gets away with it!"
Melvin threw himself at the crow, but it dodged.
Suddenly, it picked Melvin up in its talons and piledrove him into the ground.
The security folks had to wheel Melvin away on a stretcher.
"Those crows are no joke," commented Zoisite in the crowd.
"Yes," said Kunzite. "They might never get defeated."
"Yes," continued Zoisite. "I once faced off against them myself. They are strong, I never actually defeated them."
"D'aww," said Kunzite.
"Did you know I trained them from birth?" said Grandpa.
"Shut up," said Zoisite. "How did you get a seat next to us, anyway?"
"I have my ways," said Grandpa. He kicked the corpse of the person whose seat he was in back under the chair. "Waaayyys."
"Oooh!" said Kunzite. "The crows are about to take on Nephrite's lion!"
"That lion is toast," said Zoisite. "There's no way Nephrite could make a monster stronger than me!"
Nephrite's lion entered the ring, and let out a roar.
Because the lion was such a beast, they allowed Rei to use both her crows.
"Phobos, you flank from the right!" commanded Rei. "Deimos, you get the left! I'll get middle!" she said, getting ready to fight.
She transformed into Sailor Mars, then charged on foot.
Deimos flew in from the left, but Leo opened up his huge jaw and chomped down on Deimos.
Deimos was never seen again.
The right crow tried to retreat, but Leo extended his paw and piledrove Phobos into his mouth.
Rei was livid.
"Mars Fire Ignite!" she shouted.
She shot fire in front of her, and then threw herself into the flames.
She kept up the momentum, forming a comet, and then threw herself at the lion.
The lion was stunned for one moment, but then he recovered faster than he did from the Moon Tiara.
He picked up Rei with his big meaty claws, and piledrove her to the ground.
"That's enough!" called Nephrite. "Let her live!"
But the lion didn't listen, and took her life.
"Leo!" shouted Nephrite.
But the host did not seem to care, and the crowd cheered.
"Hey," said Grandpa. "That's not funny!"
"Haha," laughed Zoisite.
"Shut up," said Grandpa.
"Wowee," said Jadeite. "The crowd's getting a little rowdy, practically blood-lusted!"
"Yeah," agreed Beryl. "I would not want to be one of those pets."
"Yes," said Jadeite. "This feels like the gladiator days, when they'd send humans in and make them fight lions!"
"And now," began the host. "The grand finale! Jadeite the human vs. Leo the Lion!"
"Uh oh," said Jadeite.
"Get in there," said Beryl.
"Wait!" said Jadeite. "Let's just call a truce! Either way, the Negaverse wins!"
"Sorry," said Beryl. "The crowd wants to see a show! If no one dies in this fight, someone else will have to fall!"
"Uh oh," repeated Jadeite.
He nervously entered the ring.
"Sorry," said Nephrite. "I'll tell Leo not to kill you, but he's an unpredictable beast!"
The bell rung, and Jadeite decided to attack first.
He summoned a sword and shield from the Silver Millennium, and charged with all he had.
He leapt into the air, but the lion also leapt, a lot higher at that.
It soon was above Jadeite, and piledrove him into the ground.
But Jadeite was not done yet. He shot lightning out of his palms, stunning the lion.
He then ran in and threw himself, tossing the lion with a lot more force than the Moon Tiara.
"Aha!" said Jadeite. "At first I thought this beast had endless reserves of energy, but now I know I stand a chance!"
The beast galloped towards Jadeite, and Jadeite sidestepped and threw a quick jab into its torso.
But the lion quickly spun around, and batted him across the face with his claw.
Jadeite landed on the ground, gasping for air.
The crowd cheered.
"Barbarians!" cried Jadeite.
"Should we help him?" asked Kunzite.
"No," said Zoisite sadly, eating popcorn. "If Nephrite wins, we'll just take the crystal from him after!"
"Good idea," said Kunzite.
Jadeite got to his feet.
"I won't die to some pea-brain!" he shouted.
The lion lowered down, ready to pounce.
That's when Jadeite made a huge image of his face.
The lion looked visibly shaken, and began to cower.
"You will fall!" yelled Jadeite.
The lion was hesitating, thinking Jadeite was a much bigger creature than itself.
"No!" yelled Nephrite. "Charge now! It's just an illusion!"
The lion started towards Jadeite, but Jadeite shot out a holographic fireball, lighting the whole arena on holographic fire.
The lion panicked, and leapt out of the arena.
"He's disqualified!" shouted the host.
That's when the lion unscrewed the host's head.
Leo was now panicked, and went into full defensive mode.
He leapt into the audience, and started throwing claws at every angle.
The crowd cheered wildly, except for the ones who were getting mauled.
During this ruckus, Queen Beryl figured she better help herself to the prize.
She grabbed it and fled the scene.
Jadeite and the rest of the Shitennou fled shortly after.
"That was chaotic," said Jadeite. "I'm not sure that was a real pet show!"
"Honestly, I don't know what the hell that was," said Zoisite. "But it was worth every cent!"
That's when Motoki stormed into the Negaverse.
"You're gonna have to pay for my vet expenses!" shouted Motoki, holding his pup.
"That pup looks perfectly healed," said Beryl.
"Yes," said Motoki. "Because I took it to the vet. The bill was $5,000."
That's when Jadeite ran up and piledrove Motoki.
He went to piledrive the mutt, but had a moment of sympathy.
That's when the mutt chomped down on his foot, and Jadeite had to piledrive it as well.
"I'll go give this to Metalia now!" said Beryl giddily, heading downstairs with the Imperium Silver Crystal.
Beryl returned two minutes later with an angry look on her face.
She threw the crystal down and it shattered like it was made of glass.
"It is a fake," she said.
"I thought so," said Nephrite. "I didn't think the Silver Crystal would just be in someone's possession like that, and they certainly wouldn't give it away."
"Good night all," said Beryl.
FIN
