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Chapter 12: A Solo Lament Part 2
They all sat in silence as the Falcon made its way back to base. Chewie remained at the pilot's seat while Rey and Klara sat at the Dejarik table. The silence was consuming, and nothing could be heard except the gentle hum of the Millennium Falcon. Klara's mind fought hard against the thought of her loss, of everyone's loss. She refused to have a break down right in front of Rey. Rey needed to see a strong Jedi, not a frail one.
She was trying to focus on other things. It first started with her hair. She undid that and let it fall down her back. She ran her hands through her hair next, untangling the strands. However, her thoughts were soon trying to go back to Han, so she tried to focus on something else.
Her mind wandered to Finn. Klara recalled that shortly after her arrival aboard the Falcon, Rey was frantic as she led her to Finns lying form. Klara had quickly inspected his wounds and attempted to focus on healing him, but much to hers and Rey's disappointment, she was unable to. It wasn't because she wasn't a strong Jedi, but because each Jedi, like a personality, harnesses certain abilities better than others. Her father had mentioned an old friend of his by the name of Obi-Wan Kenobi once. He stated that although Obi-Wan was a powerful Jedi, and as much as he wanted, he could never harness the ability to heal. The same went for Klara. She was limited to certain aspects within the Force. No Jedi was "all-powerful" in their lifetime unless they were blessed with a life full of longevity. Her father had mentioned a very powerful Jedi of the name Yoda and how he endured training by this Jedi.
Before the fall of her father's temple, Klara was in the process of learning and understanding the nature of healing through the Force but never finished the training, nor did she continue. For some time, she didn't even know who she was until a Force ghost paid her a visit to give her a reawakening. Even after she rediscovered herself, the locked her Force abilities away in guilt, refusing to ever have anything to do with the Force. She felt her failure not only as a sister to Ben, but as a daughter to the most powerful Jedi living. So, she spent years traveling, keeping her head down, and doing minor jobs for Maz before permanently staying at Maz's castle. It was Maz who later convinced her to put up a fight. Maz reawakened hope within Klara and shoved her out of her depressive state. It was because of these years of shoving the Force away that Ushar was an even match to her. She needed to train and preferably with another Jedi.
Klara glanced up at Rey who was staring intensely at her father's lightsaber that was currently stationed on the table. She hadn't seen it ignited in years before she watched Finn use it back at Maz's, now currently destroyed, castle. Klara's eyes wandered to Rey's facial expression. Rey was carrying a somber look and Klara didn't blame her.
"May I see that?" Klara suddenly asked, breaking the silence.
Rey glanced up in confusion before realizing what Klara was asking. "Oh, yes, of course." Rey picked up the lightsaber and gently handed it to Klara. "It does technically belong to your father, so you should be the one keeping it."
Klara gently grabbed the lightsaber out of Rey's hands and scooted herself off the chair she was seated on. Making sure there was enough room, she ignited it, watching as the lightsaber hummed with life. She gave the lightsaber a little twirl around her hand before holding it upright again, taking in its beautiful blue hue. "I missed seeing this lit." Klara spoke softly. "And I miss it being used to fight against the darkness." She clicked the lightsaber off and outreached her hand, offering the lightsaber back to Rey. "I already wield two lightsabers. I do not have any use for this one." She smiled gently.
Rey's expression formed into one of shock before forming a genuine smile. "Thank you, Miss Klara." Rey expressed before grasping the lightsaber in her hands.
Klara gave Rey a slight smirk. "Just call me Klara."
Rey nodded, pondering for a moment. "I have an odd question for you."
Klara sat back down in her seat across from Rey before lifting her eyebrow in amusement. "And I may have an answer for you."
She watched as Rey bit her lip nervously as she pondered her question. "Ever since I met you, I have been getting this feeling." Rey paused before continuing. "It's like, I'm not quite sure how to explain it…but almost as if my life was all about leading up to meet you."
Klara nodded in understanding. She felt similarly. "Before I met you, I had a Force vision, a precognition if you will." She glanced to Rey as confusion took over her features. Klara let out a small laugh. "It pretty much means I saw a future that involved you."
"Was it bad?" Rey asked nervously.
"I refuse to go in detail about the matter. I firmly believe in letting events fold out. Worrying too much about a possible outcome of the future only leads to madness." Klara paused seeing Rey nod in understanding but could sense a slight frustration in her. "My point being, I believe you and I were meant to cross paths. The Force has built a future for us and if you are willing, I would like to see it through."
Confusion filled Rey's eyes. "What do you mean?"
Klara chuckled at Rey's eagerness. "If you are willing, I would like to train you until we find my father and then I would hope he takes over that role for me. I can teach you what I know, but I am no Master. Not like my father."
Rey's face started to contort from excitement to developing a small frown. "Oh but…" She trailed off.
"Yes?" Klara questioned. She could sense conflict from Rey. Something was holding her back.
"I am waiting for someone back on Jakku and I…things have gotten crazy really quickly and I haven't really thought much on the matter until now."
Sighing, Klara moved forward, gently grabbing Rey's hands and clasping them. "Rey, whatever you have been waiting for there, I sense that it is not going to come. I also sense that you know this."
Rey was looking at their clasped hands, refusing to meet Klara's eyes. "Is it wrong of me?" She paused before finally peeling her eyes off their hands and focused into Klara's eyes. "To abandon my hope on Jakku?"
"You are not abandoning hope Rey. You are moving forward and placing hope in something else. These answers you seek, will eventually come when the time is right. One of the first steps to becoming a Jedi, is patience." Klara smiled at Rey earning a smile from her as they stared at each other fondly.
Their moment of fondness evaporated as they both heard the Wookie growl out that they were about to exit hyperspace. Klara retracted her hands quickly from Rey as reality came crashing on her.
She didn't want to see Leia.
She didn't want to see Leia's disappointed expression at her failure to protect Han, just like she didn't protect Ben.
She wasn't ready.
"Hey," Rey spoke softly as she sensed Klara's anxiety, "It's going to be alright."
Klara shook her head softly, willing her tears away and preventing herself from crumbling before Rey.
Pathetic.
A heavy and dark voice spoke.
Before Klara could comprehend what the voice was, she was jolted slightly forward as they exited hyperspace.
Scarfing down her insecurities, Klara forced a smile to Rey as she stood up. "Why don't you go help Chewie with the landing and I will go check on Finn."
Rey remained where she sat, contemplating on whether to remain with Klara or listen to her request. Rey knew and could somehow feel Klara's emotions and knew she wasn't okay. "Alright…" She trailed off as she stood up as well. "Just know I am here if you need to talk. I know we just met recently but if you need anything, you can always confide in me. I'll be there for you."
Klara's heart warmed at Rey's words as she nodded her head in understanding before leaving Rey to tend to Finn.
Eight losses. Eight lives. Eight lives with families, families that he would later have to speak to. Poe lost eight good people in their mission today. He sat there in his X-Wing as he released the hatch but hadn't moved. His fist tightened together, angry at the First Order, at the circumstances, at life, at himself, and just about everything. He fought in a war to save people, to bring a better tomorrow, but it was always hard losing people under his command. It was hard losing people on the good side. Each loss he faced made him question his hope, on whether this war would ever end. At one point, he was beginning to lose hope but then Leia received intel that landed him on Jakku. That hope was finding Luke Skywalker. A Jedi. Something that was simply a legend, a tale you told kids, and it revived the hope in him. He would endure the torture longer now with that sense of hope and this hope only blossomed when he met Klara, another Jedi. At the time he hadn't known her heritage but regardless, it continued to rise hope in him. Then this mission happened, and he lost more people. His hope slightly dwindled but Poe was optimistic.
If there is a will, there is a way. There is hope.
Sighing to himself, Poe removed his helmet, hearing BB8 chirp from behind him.
Poe turned, giving his astromech a smile. "I hear ya buddy!" Poe laughed to himself at BB8's encouragement.
Poe glanced around the outside base where everyone had landed from their successful mission. He quickly spotted Snap and Karé embracing one another in their excitement and quickly embraced Jess whom had just ran up to them. This brought a smile to Poe's face, seeing his squadron finally feel like they're one step closer to a better life.
With one last chuckle to himself, Poe quickly exited his x-wing; BB8 following him shortly. He debated about meeting up with his friends, but he also had other friends on his mind; specifically those on the Falcon. The Falcon was an easy beauty to spot amongst the excited chaos on the base. His attention was caught when he spotted Finn being lifted onto a hover-stretcher with a young woman he's never seen, immediately by the hover-stretcher's side.
Poe turned towards their direction and increased his pace once he saw the medical team starting to depart. By the time he had jogged to the Falcon, the medical team was already a distance away, in a rush. Poe paused and then debated on whether to scurry after them or let them do their job and check in on Finn later.
Before he could ponder on the thought much longer, his gaze quickly spotted familiar red hair drifting against the breeze as the wind brushed the strands of hair. He knew it was her even if there was someone blocking his way, standing directly in front of her. A man. One whom had lifted his hand to her hair, brushing some hair behind her ear.
Poe didn't like that.
A feeling developed deep within him, like something dropping. He was unsure why he suddenly felt this way. He watched as Klara stepped back, giving him a full view of her now, and he could spot a faint blush upon her cheeks. Poe swallowed thickly at the grave feeling in his stomach. Why was he feeling this way? His jaw tightened as he continued to watch as this man brought his hand back up but this time, to her arm, and rested it there. Poe wasn't sure what was going on, but could tell by Klara's facial expression that something was wrong.
However, not long after this man's hand was on her arm, he let it go. He watched as Klara nodded as the man finally turned to walk away.
In his direction.
Poe became flustered, not wanting to be known he had been watching their interaction. However, there was nothing he could do as the man continued to walk his way.
BB8 bumped his leg and chirped away. Wondering why Poe was standing around.
With courage, Poe cleared his throat and started walking to Klara; BB8 on his trail. Poe and the man glanced at one another right as they brushed by each other. Getting closer, Poe had realized Klara had turned to head inside the base.
"Klara!" Poe shouted her way. He watched as she paused and turned toward him. She delivered a small smile in his wake.
"Poe." She greeted softly as he approached her.
Now that he was much closer to her, he could see the mess of her current state. His eyes immediately went to her arm in which her shirt sleeve had been torn off and what replaced it was a neatly wrapped bandage.
"What happened?" Poe asked, his voice laced with concern. Instinctively, his hand shot up to her injured arm, brushing it softly to inspect it.
"Let's just say the other guy looked worse." He watched as she tried to joke. Poe looked at her and noticed there was something she wasn't telling him. Her eyes said it all. There was a sadness within them.
Poe sighed and released his hand on her. "How did things go on your end?"
Klara flinched and this didn't go unnoticed by Poe. "Things we're going smoothly. I-"She choked on her words.
Poe wasn't lying if he said he didn't like seeing her this way. She looked fragile, like she was about to implode on herself. He noticed her eyes beginning to shimmer, as if she were trying to fight back on her distress.
He wanted to offer her solace, perhaps a private place to talk, but he wasn't sure if they were close enough for this, so he thought of the second best thing. "Would you like for me to get General Organa?"
He had never seen her head snap so fast in his direction. Again, her eyes had said it all. She didn't like that option, and Poe was curious as to why, although he kept that to himself. "Um…" he scratched the back of his head in hesitation, "would you like for me to take you somewhere more private? You don't have to speak but at least it's private."
All he got was a small nod.
This was enough encouragement for him to guide her inside, his hand brushing against her back as he lead her. On the outside Poe didn't doubt he looked cool and collected, but on the inside, his thoughts were muddled with question after question. Where do I take her? Do I take her to my room? No. His room was by a bunch of other pilot's rooms and they certainly liked to talk. Maybe her room? He doesn't know where that is. Ugh.
"Um…" Poe barely heard her speak, it was just above a whisper. "If you don't mind, my room isn't too far from here and I don't currently share it with anyone."
Poe cleared his throat. "Uh, yes. That would be good. Lead the way." Poe mumbled out.
It didn't take them long to find her room, it really wasn't that far from where they were. He watched as she punched in the codes to her room and then there was the whoosh of the door that let them know to enter.
Poe looked to his side and bent down to a crouch in front of BB8. "Hey buddy, why don't you go find out what happened to Finn for me?" He spoke softly. BB8 gave him a chirp before rolling away.
Klara entered her room first and Poe followed. He watched as she discarded her blaster on the bed and unhooked her lightsabers, also tossing them on her bed. Then she plumped herself on the ground, next to her bed and let out a heavy sigh.
Poe, still in his orange pilot suit, unclasped his white vest and utility belt, which also held his blaster. Once removed, he carefully set them on the ground and sat next to her. Without the vest and utility belt, it made sitting on the ground much easier. He bent his knees and lazily draped his arms across them.
They sat in silence. Poe wouldn't utter a word until she did, giving her the space she needed but remained there for her, if she needed to talk. He stared across the room, wishing he could gaze at her instead but couldn't, given their position. He noted that it hadn't been long since she had been officially part of the Resistance. This means she barely had time to be in her room. He also noted that her room held one more bed, vacant until she gets a bunk mate. Usually, to keep up with the demand, Resistance members were bunked with up to three other people. Poe currently shared a room with Snap.
"Han didn't make it." He barely heard her say as she interrupted his thoughts.
"What?" Poe asked again to guarantee he heard her correctly.
"Han-." She choked out before clearing her throat to try again. "He's gone. He was killed."
Poe took a moment to let this sink. The Han Solo had passed on. He didn't know the man personally but only knew of him. This was General Organa's husband. His father also worked closely with Han back when the Rebel Alliance was still active. Poe wondered if the General knew of Han's passing.
Finally, Poe turned his head towards Klara, not missing her tear stained cheek from his view. She turned towards him as well, their eyes meeting. Poe felt his heart constrict seeing her this way.
"I'm sorry." Klara whispered as she quickly brushed away her tears. "You always seem to find me when I've broken down in some way." She half laughed at the end. "It's so hard not crying when everything inside me is crumbling. No matter how hard I try, they just keep coming."
Poe turned so his body was now facing her as he carefully pried her hands away from her face. "You have nothing to apologize for." Poe paused, searching for the right words. "I'll tell you what my old man once told me: sometimes you just need to fall apart to have all the pieces you need to build yourself back up."
He watched as Klara took this in. "I just hate crying. I can't help but feel like it makes me weak. I'm a Jedi, people see me as someone that is strong in every aspect."
Poe sighed slightly as he brought his hand up to thumb away her flow of tears. "You shouldn't worry what other people view you as. Just be you. People cry not because they're weak, but because they have been so strong for far too long. It's okay to let it go. You don't have to fight it."
Poe was startled when she dove in, to embrace him, before she just let herself go. With some hesitation, he slowly brought his arms around her, firmly securing her against him. He held her there as she cried herself dry, and occasionally smoothed her loose hair once he gained the confidence to do so. His heart broke for her, sympathizing her. He knew the feeling of losing someone. He lost his mother when he was young. He was familiar with this feeling of loss and despair.
After some time, she finally pulled away and if his heart could smile it would now because she was blushing, most likely from embarrassment.
"I'm sorry." She said while avoiding his eyes. "I'm pretty sure your jumpsuit is wet where I just…you know…cried like an infant."
Poe looked down and sure enough, he found there was a nice wet spot on his suit. He chuckled. "Well at least you didn't drool."
He watched as Klara scoffed at him and playfully punched his arm. "If I had, then you should thank the stars you were drooled on by a Jedi."
Poe smirked. "Oh yeah? Does your drool give me abilities with the Force?"
"That's not how it works!" She laughed out.
Poe liked her laugh. Her laugh sounded like a chorus the stars would sing to him. Poe knew one thing for sure: he wanted to get to know this woman in front of him more.
"Thank you." He heard her say, snapping him out of his daze.
"For letting you drool on me?" He chuckled out.
"No you laser brain," she laughed out before continuing, "for being here. For me. You didn't have to."
"That's what friends are for." He smiled to her. Friends. Does he want more? It's too early to tell.
"Of course." She replied and graced him with another beautiful smile.
After a pause of silence, Poe finally spoke: "How do you feel?"
Klara let out a sigh. "A little better now that I've cried, but the feeling of loss still remains. I'm sure it will for quite some time."
Finally, curiosity got the best of him. "Have you told Leia?" He watched her flinch which made him frown. Was there something else wrong?
"I don't need to." She paused, "She already knows. Like my father, Leia is also Force sensitive. As soon as Han…passed, she would have felt it through the Force."
Poe pondered. "Have you gone to speak with her yet?"
Klara dropped her head, looking to the ground before she replied. "Why would she want to see me?"
His face formed one of surprise. "What? Why would you say that? You're family."
"Yeah, but, I'm family that has failed her-disappointed her- twice now." Klara murmured, sadness laced in her voice.
Then it clicked for Poe. Perhaps she blamed herself for Han's death? "You don't blame yourself for Han's death, do you?"
She didn't reply immediately. She glanced back up to Poe and he knew then, that she did blame herself. "Perhaps if I had stayed with him instead of going out on a wild Bantha chase…then maybe-."
"No." Poe said firmly, interrupting her. The stern voice startled Klara and she looked at him in surprise. "You don't think like that. Trust me. You'll just go around in circles and dig yourself a deep pit, making it hard to crawl back out."
Klara didn't say anything, still startled by his change in demeanor.
Poe sighed and stood up, walking to the opposite side of the room before turning to face her once more. "I have lost so many people under my command and trust me when I say that I know those type of thoughts you're thinking right now. The guilt. Don't let it consume you Klara, it's not a good place to be in."
Klara slowly stood up from her seated position and walked over to Poe. He watched her every move, as his heart started to beat rapidly in anticipation. Was she going to hug him again? He wouldn't mind that. However, much to his displeasure, she simply raised her hand to his shoulder and rested it there.
"I know I've been balling my eyes out and the past hour or so has been about me." Klara spoke. "However, I know that there were losses on your end, I could feel your distress as well. You're just better at handling it than me it seems."
Poe nodded. "What do you mean by feel my distress? Is that a Jedi thing? Or are you just that perceptive?"
Klara chuckled as she removed her hand from his shoulder, Poe frowning at the loss of contact. "As a Jedi, we can sense things through the Force. A man in distress, is simple to take notice on." She finished as she flashed him a smile. "Just like you have been for me, I am also here for you if you so ever wish to talk."
Poe smiled softly. "I appreciate it." He spoke, a smile smile playing on the corner of his mouth. "I'll take you up on it one day."
He knew the ins and outs of the stress a commander could bring. He always felt odd to talk about his frustrations for those under his command but had become close with Snap. Whenever Poe felt like something else needed to be done than what he was commanded, he vented to Snap. Poe isn't one to hesitate to do what he fees is right, even if it goes against a direct order.
"Klara?" A voice spoke from the other end of the door, startling them both.
"It's Leia…" Klara whispered in hesitation.
Poe took a step towards her and rested his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, you got this. Family is family. I do not doubt she wishes to console with you. She just lost her husband." Poe finished and gave her a small smile.
Gazing into his eyes, Klara nodded.
Poe gave her shoulder a pat before pressing the button to open the door. It whooshed open and he was confronted with a startled General.
"General." Poe said in greeting.
"What a surprise seeing you here commander." Leia spoke. Poe didn't miss the playfulness behind her words, even given her situation.
"I was just leaving." Poe replied as he flashed her a genuine smile. He glanced behind him, noticing Klara fidget with her hair as she looked between him and the General. He offered her a small smile before finally walking away. The last thing he heard was the gentle sound of the door closing.
Again, thank you for your patience on waiting for my updates! Until next time!
NOTE: Not edited.
