"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Jadeite," said Beryl. "Lions are the strongest beasts in the world."

"I don't know about that," said Jadeite. "But what are you getting at?"

"Well," said Beryl. "I ordered an entire dozen of lions on Ebay. I will let them loose in Tokyo downtown, and we'll take the humans' energy as they run in terror!"

"Great plan!" commended Jadeite. "But why don't we just use Youmas for that?"

"Sadly we are fresh out of Youmas," said Beryl. "We need Metalia to make some more. Or Kunzite or Nephrite but they are busy."

"Sad," said Jadeite. "When will the lions get here?"

The door rang and Motoki marched in.

"Package for Mr… Beryl?"

"It's Queen, actually," said Beryl, putting Motoki to rest.

She walked over and retrieved the package from his corpse.

"This is a little small for 12 lions," noted Beryl.

She got a box cutter and opened it up.

"These aren't lions!" shouted Beryl. "These are some kind of cat!"

"Cat?!" cried Jadeite giddily. He dashed over.

"Oh, those are lion cubs!"

"How long until they grow?" demanded Beryl.

"Very long," said Jadeite.

"I've waited too loooooong for this!" yelled Beryl. "I'm not waiting any longer! Go throw this box into the abyss!"

"NooooOOOOOO!" yelled Jadeite. "I won't do it!"

"Alright, then I will!" barked Beryl.

She walked towards the abyss, but Jadeite ran up and socked her.

She fell to the ground and Jed dove for the box.

He caught it and teleported away.

"Jadeite!" howled Beryl. "You'll pay for this!"


Jadeite went to his space and let all the kits out of their box.

"Hmmm," said Jadeite. "I wonder why they sent us babies."

He looked at a note on the box.

"These strays will be perfect for your zoo," said a mysterious sender. "Please take care of them. Of course we didn't send full lions; that would be stupid."

"Ah, that explains it," said Jadeite. "I must raise these strays like they are my own!"

The lions dashed around his room.

"Phew," said Jadeite. "Good thing I don't have any furniture."

But the lions started getting bored and rowdy. They started charging Jed but he was swift and dodged their claws and fangs.

That's when they started coordinating their attacks, and Jadeite had to think of a plan.

"Come on, young ones!" said Jadeite. "Let's go to the pet store, and get you one of those cat climbers and some chow!"

The lions perked up at the word chow and followed Jadeite out the door obediently.


Jadeite entered the Petco with a shopping cart.

Half the lions were clung to his uniform, and the rest were in the cart.

"AHHHHHH!" shrieked a customer, dashing out the door.

"Halt, citizen!" said Jadeite. "These are just babies! They mean you no harm!"

The lady looked inside the cart and saw the cubs brawling it out like wild animals.

"Don't worry," said Jadeite. "This is just how they play."

He headed towards the chow aisle, and found the biggest sized bag.

"Hey, do you have one of these about 20 sizes bigger?" he asked a terrified employee. "Lions have a big appetite!"

"S-sorry," said the employee. "That's as big as they come."

"Hmmm," said Jadeite. "That just won't do."

He walked over to the hamster display.

"I'll take 20 hamsters to go," he said. "I gotta teach the boys how to hunt while they're young!"

"Sorry," said a worker. "I can't in all good conscience sell you these pet hamsters to feed to your lions."

"It's the circle of life," promised Jadeite. "Rodents are eaten by lions. Hey, I'll take some ferrets too for when my cubs are good."

"No," stated the clerk.

Jadeite sighed. He stuck out his hand and shot lightning out of his palm, ending the employee.

Then he made his arms into the shape of a J, and put every life form in the building except for his lions asleep.

He walked out with half the store and teleported home.

"Good thing my space has limitless room!" said Jadeite.

He threw down an empty swimming pool and filled it with lion chow.

The cubs jumped in.

Then he put down a couple cat climbs he nabbed and made a fortress out of them.

He laid down in bed while the lions had their picnic.

Suddenly, something strange happened.

A lion cub walked over to Jadeite in his bed/sleeping bag.

"What do you want?" asked Jadeite. "Is the food gone already? Eat the hamsters."

Then the lion cuddled and started purring.

Jadeite was a changed man after that day.

He did not know how to react. He had many feelings but didn't know how to express them.

He started petting the lion, and the lion rolled over.

"Wait a minute," said Jadeite. "Why am I being so nice?"

But the lion let out another loud purr and he decided not to think too much about it.


Nephrite stood at the vending machine.

"I feel as though I've become a meme," he said waiting for his soda to be dispensed. "What should I buy next?"

That's when Jadeite pranced up, followed by 12 lion cubs.

He bought 20 bags of Cheetos and tossed them into the pack of lions, which all started brawling for them.

"Jadeite, what are you doing?" said Nephrite. "Why on Earth do you have lion cubs?!"

"It's simple," said Jadeite. "I will raise them until they are adults, and they will think of me as the pack leader and all follow my commands. They will respect me, and I will respect them."

"You're crazy," said Nephrite. "They're going to turn on you the second they get big enough!"

"Just stick to what you know, and stay at the soda machine," sneered Jadeite. "Queer."

"Hey, watch it!" yelled Nephrite. "I won't take that from the likes of you!"

He threw himself at a lion cub, and Jadeite had to dropkick him.

"Sick 'em, boys!" yelled Jadeite.

The lion cubs all got in a defensive formation, and made a V around Jadeite.

"What's your next move, boy?" Jadeite challenged.

All the lion cubs hissed.

Nephrite grunted and decided to retreat for now.

"You haven't seen the end of me!" yelled Nephrite.

"Heh," said Jadeite.


"Yes," continued Beryl. "When we combine the 7 Rainbow Crystals, we will at long last have the Imperium Silver Crystal!"

"I have a question," said Zoisite. "What is the difference between the Imperium Silver Crystal and the Phantom Silver Crystal?"

"You have a lot to learn, Zoisite," said Beryl. "Kunzite, explain it to him."

"Well," began Kunzite. "You see,"

Jadeite marched in.

Beryl stood out of her throne with a look of pure fury on her face.

"Where on Earth have you been?!" shouted Beryl. "You just slugged me and did not return for five years! And now you have the nerve to just saunter in here?!"

"Ye," said Jadeite. "What you do about it?"

"I'll tell you what I'll do!" yelled Beryl.

"Oooo!" said Zoisite to Kunzite. "Queen Beryl is angry!"

"This could get ugly," said Kunzite. "Stand back so you don't get hit in the crossfire."

"Good idea," said Zoisite.

That's when Jadeite burst into laughter.

"ARE YOU MOCKING ME!?" shrieked Beryl. "I will end you!"

That's when 12 full grown lions strolled in in formation behind Jadeite.

They all let out a roar in unison, and Zoisite was knocked off his feet.

Beryl took a step back. "What is this?!" she demanded. "You gotta get rid of those… those beasts!"

"Actually," said Jadeite. "That's not why I'm here. The one we have to get rid of…"

Everyone waited.

"IS YOU!"

Jadeite shot lightning out of his palms, and Beryl made a forcefield with her crystal ball.

She shot an eternal sleep attack, but a lion leapt in the way and took the hit.

The other 11 lions darted at Beryl at godspeed, and she didn't know which one to hit.

She spawned a giant crystal and shrieked, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

But before she could throw it, a lion swatted it out of her hands, and then batted her across the face.

All the lions tore her to shreds and she was mauled beyond recovery.

She died.

Jadeite sat down on Beryl's throne, and picked up her crystal ball.

He freed the lion that was put in eternal sleep, and all the lions sat down in front of him in a perfect line like a bunch of trained pooches.

Zoisite and Kunzite took a step back.

"What do we do?" said Kunzite.

"Why are you asking me?" said Zoisite.

"You're the brains of this team," replied Kunzite.

"Yikes," said Zoisite. "I suggest we make a tactical retreat!"

"I agree," said Kunzite. "Farewell, Jadeite!"

Jadeite nodded his head and let them leave.

"Now then, lions! Our reign of terror begins now!" Jadeite exclaimed.

The lions roared cheerfully, and Jadeite tossed them a chunk of meat.

"First off, I would like to thank Duncan for blocking that eternal sleep attack. That was very brave."

All the lions threw friendly licks towards Duncan.

"Next," began Jadeite.

Suddenly the doors burst open, and Nephrite sprinted in and threw a punch at Jadeite.

But a lion leapt up and caught the blow, and Nephrite leapt back.

"I knew this day would come," said Jadeite. "You are jealous of my lions!"

"No!" lied Nephrite. "I have my own lion! And a bunch of other constellation creatures from mythology as well!"

In through the door marched an army that Nephrite created himself from the stars. They were all the 12 zodiac constellations brought to life.

"Your powerless beasts are no match for my army!" yelled Nephrite. "Give up now and I might spare one of the lions to tell the story!"

"Yeah, about that," said Jadeite. "Attack formation Kappa, go!"

The lions instantly got into an elaborate formation, and tossed a lion directly to the back of Nephrite's line-up.

"No!" cried Nephrite.

Nephrite's army was soon surrounded like the cowboys vs. Indians.

"Stay back!" shouted Nephrite. "Zodiacs, attack!"

All 12 lions zoomed in on one target, and made quick work of Pisces the two fish.

But that's when Leo the Lion threw himself at a lion, and the two rolled off in a heated scrap.

A lion got Libra the Scales in its mouth and dashed off, burying it in the North Pole and then returning.

Sagittarius started shooting arrows, and sniped some lions here and there.

But that's when two lions leapt on his horse-like back and took him to the ground.

They ate him like a water buffalo.

Capricorn the Goat was also disposed of quickly.

Nephrite's army was quickly dwindling, and Nephrite charged Jed.

"Yikes," said Jadeite. "Lions!" he called.

But the lions were too busy toying with their prey.

"No!" said Jadeite.

He threw Beryl's crystal ball like a bowling ball, but Nephrite dodged.

Nephrite summoned the big dipper in his hand, and whacked Jadeite over the head with it.

"Hey!" said Jadeite. "That hurt!"

"And this is gonna hurt more!" promised Nephrite, spawning his sword.

Jadeite used his swift reflexes to dodge Nephrite's sword swings.

"You're a lot faster than one would expect," admitted Nephrite.

"Yes," said Jadeite. "I've gotten stronger from training my lions."

While Jadeite and Nephrite were locked in a heated scuffle, Aquarius ran up to a random lion and soaked it with a bucket of water.

The lion let out a roar, and fled for the hills.

But ten more lions took its place, and quickly ended Aquarius.

That's when Scorpio the Giant Scorpion fell down from the ceiling and pinned a lion down.

It went in with its pincers to put the lion to rest.

But the lion tore off its stinger with its big meaty claws, and the scorpion died.

Virgo flew up in the air and started casting some kind of spell.

But a lion leapt up ten feet in the air and pounced on her, taking her to the ground.

She was quickly ended.

Nephrite looked over his shoulder. Only a few of his warriors remained.

He had to finish Jadeite fast, because once Jadeite was out of the way he could take his lions and become the King of the Jungle.

Nephrite threw a sock to Jadeite's chops, tossing Jadeite for a loop.

"Hurry up, lions!" cried Jadeite.

And hurry they did.

Taurus the Bull bucked into a lion, tossing him into the air.

But then the lions charged Taurus as was their nature, and Taurus sprinted out into the Arctic and ran for many miles.

But this was what the lions were born to do.

They quickly caught up and ended Taurus.

The lions that remained in the Negaverse were then jumped by a large crab, Cancer.

They quickly ended it and one ate it whole.

Aries the Ram ran up and body-slammed a lion, tossing it out of commission.

But that's when four surrounded it and Aries took its own life.

The only one that remained of Nephrite's army was the Gemini Twins, as seen in that episode with those animator girls.

"We won't be defeated!" they said, being the only ones that could speak English.

But that's when all 12 lions reassembled.

"Yikes," said one of the twins. "We can beat them with the power of friendship, right?"

"No," said the other. "But it is worth a try!"

They threw themselves into the center of the pack of lions, and began exchanging blows.

They did not last long and were soon consumed.

One of the lions grunted in question, asking where Leo had gone.

But another lion let out a roar, signifying that he had defeated Leo in one-on-one combat.

Right at this moment, Nephrite had Jadeite in a chokehold.

"Don't move," he said to the lions. "Or your leader gets it!"

The lions waited.

But then one sprung very quickly, as was their specialty, and Nephrite didn't have fast enough reaction time.

He got batted across the face and had to release Jadeite from his grasp.

"NO!" cried Nephrite.

He tried one last resort, and spawned a sword in order to take his own life.

But a lion swatted it out of his hand, and he was soon ended.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Jadeite. "You guys are the best!"

The lions let out a happy roar, and some of them marked Jadeite's legs with their faces and purred.

"Alright, pack," said Jadeite. "Our next target is Zoisite and Kunzite."

The lions roared in agreement.


Zoisite and Kunzite were sound asleep in Motoki's arcade which was closed for the night.

They were having a good dream but suddenly it ended, along with their lives.

"Good work, boys," said Jadeite to his lions. "That was almost too easy. Maybe we should have woken them up."

The lions shook their heads.


The next day, Grandpa heard a knock on his door.

He opened it and saw Jadeite along with 12 lions climbing the temple steps.

"Hey," said Grandpa. "How did they knock before they got up here?"

He did not have time to contemplate this, however, and put on his fighting robe.

He leapt into the air and threw himself at the lions.

One caught the small old man in its mouth.

Grandpa threw a kick on its snout, but then the lion bit down and Grandpa's bulbous head was crushed like a watermelon.

"Wow," said Jadeite. "That was also too easy. Is there anyone else we hate and need to kill?"

The lions looked at each other but had no ideas.


Jadeite knocked on a door.

"Why hello!" said Kenji.

"Hi," said Jadeite. "Sick 'em, lions!"

"AHH!" cried Kenji. "Family, run! I'll hold them off!"

Kenji pulled out a pipe.

"Make my day, ya beasts!" shouted Kenji charging.

They walked through him like a door and finished off the rest of the family.

Jadeite knocked on Sailor Mercury's door next.

She answered.

"Jadeite!" she cried. "Are those lions?!"

"Yes," said Jadeite. "But upon further thought, I don't think I'll need them."

Jadeite shot lightning out of his palms, ending Ami.

"Well that's it for the Sailors," concluded Jadeite. "Rei was taken down by one of the lions while the others got Grandpa."


Jadeite knocked on Mamoru Chiba's apartment door and then teleported away.

Tuxedo opened the door and looked out, and on each side of the hall was six lions.

"AHHH!" screamed Tuxedo.

He slammed the door but they tore through it like tissue paper.

Tuxedo was ended.

Artemis and Minako had been heading over to ask Mamoru if he had seen the other Senshi.

"AHHH!" cried Artemis. He threw himself at a lion, but he was ended.

Minako shrieked.

"Hey, quiet down," said Jadeite. "Would you like to become the queen of my jungle?"

"Yes," said Minako.

"Wow, cool!" said Jadeite. "Who should I kill next? I already killed all the Sailors."

"Not all of them," said Minako. "I'll tell you where another one lives!"


They arrived at Makoto's doorstep.

They knocked, but no one answered.

They had a lion throw a headbutt, knocking down the door, and they entered her apartment.

She was laying there dead.

"Huh?" said Minako.

"That's weird," said Jadeite. "What do you think happened?"

"She must have died of unknown causes," concluded Minako.

"Sad," said Jadeite.

Jadeite and Minako got married and all 12 lions were his best men at the wedding.

FIN