"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"That won't be necessary," said Beryl. "Boys, I gathered you all here for a reason."

"Will you tell us what it is soon?" asked Zoisite.

"Hold your horses," said Beryl. "I called the four of you to my throne room because…"

They waited.

"You must be destroyed, finally and forever."

"Queen… Beryl!" cried Jadeite. He clenched his fist.

Nephrite got in his fighting stance. Zoisite took a couple steps back behind Kunzite, and Kunzite had pure sorrow in his eyes.

"Why, my queen?" asked Kunzite.

"Your races have reached their finish line. It is time to put you all to rest!" yelled Beryl.

"I understand," said Jadeite. He sat down on the ground and awaited his demise.

Nephrite was ready to spring on Beryl, but she moved too quickly.

She grabbed her ball and the room filled with pink light.

"Goodbye friends," said Jadeite.

Nephrite charged at lightning speed, and Kunzite shut his eyes and waited for the great beyond.

But then the light dimmed and Beryl fell to the ground.

"Shit," panted Beryl. "My ball… must have been facing the wrong way! Someone, *cough*, help me!"

Everyone stood there unmoving and watched Beryl drop dead.

Her corpse sunk into the ground and was no more.

They stood there for ten long minutes.

"Huh?" said Zoisite. "Well how about that!"'

"So I guess we're unemployed?" asked Jadeite.

"No," said Nephrite. "I am the new leader."

Kunzite burst into laughter. "I believe you mean me. I am the strongest."

"Let's have a vote!" said Zoisite. "All for Kunzite?"

Zoisite and Kunzite raised their hands.

"Hey," said Nephrite. "You can't vote for yourself."

"Alright," said Zoisite. "All for Nephrite?"

"No!" said Nephrite. "I take it back!"

"Jadeite, you didn't vote," said Kunzite.

"Oops, I was waiting to vote for myself, but I forgot it was against the rules. I guess Kunzite wins."

"Very well then," smirked Kunzite.

"Nooooo!" said Nephrite. "I want a redo!"

"Sorry," said Zoisite. "The polls are in."

"No," said Nephrite. "That was unfair. The Russians hacked our elections!"

"I think not," said Kunzite.

"No," repeated Nephrite. "Let's do this more fairly, with a game of luck."

"Yes," agreed Jadeite. "Let's play spin the bottle to see who gets to be the new king of the Negaverse!"

"Jadeite," said Zoisite. "That isn't a game you can win."

"Yes it is!" insisted Jadeite. "If I get paired with Minako or Rei, I win!"

"They're not here," said Nephrite sadly.

"Drat," said Jadeite. "Let's pull straws!"

"No," said Nephrite. "Whoever is holding the straws can cheat!"

"This is silly," said Kunzite. "I should be leader, I'm the strongest!" he repeated.

"Yes," said Nephrite. "But I'm the smartest!"

"I'm the one with the biggest breasts, I should be Snow White!" stated Zoisite. "Oops, that line's from something else."

"I have a suggestion," said Jed.

They all waited.

"Whoever taps that pole first is the leader!"

Jadeite took off sprinting towards the pole.

But Kunzite and Nephrite zipped right past him despite his five second head start.

"NOOO!" cried Jadeite. "I meant that pole!" he yelled, pointing to another pole.

"I got it," said Zoisite, touching the pole. "I knew that would happen, Jed. So I went to this pole from the start."

"Good work," said Kunzite. "We need an outside thinker like that for our leader."

"I object," said Nephrite.

"On what grounds?!" yelled Zoisite. "I outsmarted Jadeite fair and square!"

"On the grounds that you are a homosexual," said Nephrite.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" cried Zoisite.

"Yeah," said Kunzite. "You can't talk to our new leader like that!"

"Eternal sleep!" sentenced Zoisite.

Nephrite waited.

"I said, eternal sleep!" said Zoisite.

"Eternal slug!" yelled Nephrite, socking Zoisite as he tried to inch towards Beryl's ball.

Nephrite already knew Kunzite would throw himself, but he wasn't ready, and Kunzite threw himself into Nephrite.

Jadeite dived for Queen Beryl's ball.

"Whoever gets the ball is the leader!" he yelled holding the ball.

"Sorry," said Zoisite. "That's not the ball. That's just a bowling ball. I grabbed this earlier, because I knew you'd do this."

"Nooooo!" said Jadeite. "What is this, Australian rules?!"

"I'm going to Metalia to complain," said Nephrite.

"Wait!" yelled Kunzite but Nephrite took off.

They all reached Metalia's chambers at the same time.

"What happened to Beryl?" demanded Metalia. "I no longer sense her presence."

"She is no more," said Zoisite not very sadly.

"Ah," said Metalia. "Well then, I need someone to take her place."

"I volunteer!" yelled Zoisite.

"Hey," said Kunzite. "I thought we agreed on me!"

"Change of plans," said Zoisite. "I already have experience as queen from moments ago!"

"Silence!" yelled Metalia. "The new leader is…"

They waited.

"Nephrite!"

"YAHOOOO!" yelled Nephrite.

"Metalia-sama!" cried Kunzite. "Nephrite is a loser!"

"Yeah, what he said!" said Zoisite.

"Never question me!" yelled Metalia. "He will have one day to prove that he is right for the position. If he fails, I will choose a new leader."

"Phew," said Kunzite. "Well, his failure is inevitable. I will return tomorrow to claim the throne."

Kunzite went to teleport away, but Nephrite stopped him.

"Kunzite," said Nephrite. "Where's my energy?"

"Go to hell," said Kunzite.

But Kunzite's hypnotism to be loyal to the ruler of the Negaverse kicked in suddenly.

"Yes, Nephrite-sama," said Kunzite.

"Wait what?" said Zoisite. "What's going on here?"

"Zoisite, do whatever the king says," said Kunzite. "It's our duty!"

"No way!" yelled Zoisite. He teleported away.


The next day, Zoisite and Kunzite came into Nephrite's throne room.

"I can't believe we're going along with this," said Zoisite.

"I want to get the Silver Imperium Crystal so I can see King Nephrite smile," stated Kunzite.

"Oh," said Zoisite, biting his thumb angrily as lightning flashed in the background.

"Greetings," said King Nephrite.

"Shut up, King dork!" yelled Zoisite.

"Zoisite," said Nephrite.

Nephrite fired a beam, killing Zoisite.

"NO!" said Kunzite.

"Clean up that mess," said Nephrite.

"…Yes," said Kunzite.


"Zoisite," said Kunzite sadly, entering Zoisite's burial chamber. "I tried to get King Nephrite to revive you, but…"

"Why the hell couldn't you?" asked Zoisite. "You're so much stronger than him!"

"I should have taught you to be more patient," said Kunzite.

"Now you're using dub lines!" pointed out Zoisite on his death bed.

Suddenly because this was the dub Zoisite died instantly.

"So long," said Kunzite forlornly.


Kunzite returned to Nephrite's throne room later that day.

"Kunzite my boy!" said King Nephrite. "I have two new allies that I just recently hypnotized to be evil! Meet Prince Melvin and Princess Molly, from the Earth kingdom!"

"I do not remember them from there," stated Kunzite.

"Oh well," said Nephrite. "I hope you can all get along and get me that Moon Princess!"

"Hmph," said Kunzite, leaving.


He entered the Nega cafeteria.

"How will I get that princess?" he wondered.

He went to sit down at the Shitennou table, but it was occupied.

"Hey, what is this?" demanded Kunzite.

"Buzz off, you bleached nerd!" yelled Molly.

"Yeah!" taunted Melvin. "You use humans to do your dirty work!"

Kunzite went to end them, but knew that his king would be upset. So he did nothing.

"No lunch today, I guess," he decided, throwing his meal away and going to start on a plan.


"HAHAHAHAHA!" taunted Kunzite a few hours later. "I have all the Sailor Scouts in a cage, and I will drop it in this pit of lava if you don't hand over the crystal, Sailor Moon!"

"Okay, okay," said Sailor Moon, holding out the crystal to hand to him.

That's when Melvin ran in, and threw himself into the crystal, knocking it into the lava with himself attached.

"NO!" yelled Kunzite. "Why did you kill yourself to sabotage me?!"

That's when Molly ran in, and threw herself at Kunzite. He was forced to flee because he couldn't harm the creature.

He returned to King Nephrite.

"King Nephrite-sama," said Kunzite. "I think those two new recruits have not been hypnotized correctly."

"Buzz off," said Nephrite. "And get me that crystal!"

Kunzite went to try another plan, but the clock struck midnight.

Metalia appeared in the flesh.

"Nephrite, where's my crystal?" asked Metalia.

"Uh… Kunzite, where's my crystal?" asked Nephrite.

"You have failed me, Nephrite," stated Metalia, revoking his king privileges.

"Hey now!" yelled Nephrite. "I think I did just as good as Beryl did, perhaps better! You never revoked her right to rule!"

"Yes," said Metalia. "And it was a mistake. One I will not make again. I will decide the new king tomorrow."


The next day, the four Shitennou lined up before Metalia.

"Welcome back," said Kunzite to Zoisite.

"Screw you," said Zoisite.

"D'ah," said Kunzite.

"Hey guys," said Jadeite.

"Jadeite?" asked Kunzite. "Where were you yesterday?"

"I decided to take the day off, and it was a good decision," Jed replied.

"Grrr, I was going to try that, but then I don't know what happened," said Kunzite.

"Sad times," said Jed.

"Silence!" yelled Metalia. She waited for a long time.

"I have made my decision," she said. "Zoisite, you're the new king."

"YAHOOOOO!" said Zoisite.

Nephrite vanished.

"Hey!" yelled Zoisite. "Get back here!"

But he did not.

"Kunzite," said Zoisite. "Go end Nephrite this instant, for killing me the other day!"

"Yes, Zoisite-sama," said Kunzite.

Zoisite gushed. "Has a nice ring to it."

Jadeite waited.

"Alright, Jed," said Zoisite. "Let's go hit Nephrite's house. But he probably knows that's the first place we'll look, and won't be there."


Zoisite and Jed arrived at Nephrite's house.

"Yo," said Nephrite.

"There he is!" cried Zoisite, pointing at Nephrite who was sitting on his couch. "Jadeite, end him!"

"Yes my king!" said Jadeite.

Jadeite threw himself at Nephrite, but Nephrite leapt out of his seat.

Jadeite suffered a lot of recoil damage but stood up anyway.

But that's when Nephrite threw a knee right into his chops, tossing him across the room.

Zoisite grasped Queen Beryl's crystal ball and shot an attack, but Nephrite back-handed it away.

"KUUUNNZIIIIIIIIITE!" yelled Zoisite.

Kunzite appeared.

"What is wrong, my king?" he asked. "I just gathered the humans to do my dirty work!"

"Get him!" yelled Zoisite.

But Nephrite was already gone.

"We will search every foot of this dirtball planet until we find him!" yelled Zoisite. "That's an order!"

But unfortunately they were only able to scout 45% of the dirtball, and returned back to the Negaverse.

"This isn't good," said Zoisite. "I wasted my whole time searching for Nephrite."

As they were walking down the hall they encountered Nephrite at the soda machine.

"NO!" said Zoisite. "That was the second place I was going to look! But I decided against it thinking it would be too obvious! Quick Kunzite, get him!"

But that's when the clock struck midnight, and they were all summoned to Metalia's chamber.

"What is your progress, Zoisite?" asked Metalia.

Zoisite had nothing to say, so he put his arms up.

Metalia shook her head. "I thought you were the smart one. Sad. Meet tomorrow for my next choice."


They met tomorrow.

"My next choice…" began Metalia.

Jadeite started getting giddy, knowing he had a 50/50 chance.

"Is…" continued Metalia.

Jadeite was bouncing on his feet.

Metalia spotted this, and decided to pick Kunzite.

"Kunzite!" said Metalia.

"Yes?" asked Kunzite.

"No," said Metalia. "You are the new king!"

"FINALLY!" yelled Kunzite. "Things are gonna be different around here! The first order of business is the Silver Imperium Crystal. I need to get it to see the smile on…"

That's when something snapped in Kunzite's head, and his brainwashing was completely removed as he was the king and answered to no one.

He stood there for a long time with a blank expression.

"Kunzite, are you okay?" asked Jed.

But that's when Kunzite threw a punch, tossing Jed across the room.

Nephrite tried to vanish, but Kunzite grabbed his foot and threw him into the ground.

"Hey!" said Metalia.

But Kunzite shot a powerful attack, that equaled the Moon Wand's power, and Metalia was seemingly obliterated.

"Good work, Kunzite!" said Zoisite. "I'm glad you're thinking clearly."

"It's been so many years since I've thought clearly," said Kunzite. "Let's go grab that crystal for ourselves and take over that dirtball!"

"Okay," said Zoisite. "Let's gather the humans to do our dirty work!"

"No?" said Kunzite. "That's stupid. Let's just go grab it ourselves!"


Kunzite grabbed it himself.

"I WIN! YESSSS!" yelled Kunzite.

He used his mystic powers to transform his castle into a bigger castle.

The he entered the room he spawned with a huge trophy pedestal and put the Silver Crystal on it.

"I can't believe we snagged it," said Zoisite. "What's the plan?"

"Tomorrow," said Kunzite. "There will be big changes. We will destroy the whole universe and create a new one, where we are the rulers! And it will be a paradise for all! HahahAHahha!"

"Haha!" said Zoisite. "Good idea!"

Kunzite went to bed a happy man.

But then the next day he woke up.

His mind was foggy.

"No!" he said.

Queen Metalia warped in all the Shitennou.

"How are you alive?!" cried Zoisite.

Metalia floated in her pod that had a bandage on it.

"Shut up!" yelled Metalia. "You are all awful leaders! Where's the Silver Crystal?!"

"Don't worry," said Zoisite. "We got it!"

Zoisite went to go get it, but in its place was a video tape.

Zoisite returned with the tape and put it in the VCR in Metalia's room.

"Hello," said Kunzite on the tape. "I realize that in two minutes, I will no longer be able to think clearly. My mistake was waiting until the next day to start doing things, and by the time I realized my error, it was too late. So, I am throwing away the Silver Crystal so that beast Metalia cannot get a hold of it. Maybe someday I will recover it for myself, if I ever think clearly again. But until then, goodbye."

"Wow," said Jadeite. "Kunzite's a bad leader."

Metalia was angry.

"Alright, Jadeite! You're up to bat!"

"YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" yelled Jed. "Don't worry guys, I got this!"


"Again, again!" yelled Jadeite.

"But Jadeite," said Nephrite. "This is your 50th time around this merry-go-round."

"Alright, alright," said Jed.

He went back to the log flume.

"Keep your seatbelt on, and your hands inside the vehicle at all times," said Zoisite, reading from a prompt.

Jadeite sat down on the log next to Minako who had a blank daze.

"Thanks for retrieving her, Kunzite!" said Jadeite giddily as he took off on the ride.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" yelled Jadeite. "Turning the Negaverse into a fun park was the best idea ever!"

He looked at the clock and saw it was one minute until midnight.

"Drat!" said Jadeite. "I wanted to ride the pirate ship again! Oh well."

He got off the log flume and sat down on the ground.

Seconds later, Metalia brought them into her room.

"Jadeite, what's your progress?" asked Metalia.

"Don't worry, my queen," said Jadeite. "I turned the Negaverse into a fun park."

"No, Jadeite," said Metalia. "Our goal is to get the Silver Crystal."

"I know," said Jadeite. "But I knew this was my only chance to turn the Negaverse into a fun park, so I enjoyed my 24 hours."

Metalia was mad. "This was pointless trying to get you clods to be the king!" she yelled. "I need to call in someone else in!"


"King Kenji, I found a new source of energy!" yelled Jadeite.

"Ho ho ho," said Kenji. "But sadly we're not getting energy. It's time to go fishing!"

FIN