"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
Jadeite told Beryl his new source of energy.
"Thanks Jadeite," said Beryl. "I'll keep this in mind. You are dismissed."
"So long!" called Jadeite, knowing that this wouldn't be a Jed chapter.
Beryl summoned Zoisite, and Kunzite was there too.
"Sorry Kunzite, you have to go," stated Beryl.
"But why?" said Kunzite sadly.
"It is a personal matter between me and Zoisite," explained Beryl.
"It is?" asked Zoisite. "Uh oh! Kunzite, don't leave!"
Kunzite looked around frantically. "What do I do!?"
"Relax," said Beryl. "I will not end him."
"Ok…" said Kunzite nervously. He stepped outside, but put his ear up to the door.
Jadeite and Nephrite were below him with their ears also up to the door.
"Hey, back off!" yelled Kunzite.
"Ho ho ho," said Kenji with his ear to the door.
"What is this?!" demanded Kunzite. "Some kind of jamboree?"
Beryl cleared her throat. "Alright, Zoisite, time to die."
"NO!" said Kunzite from outside.
Beryl ignored him. "I'm just kidding," laughed Beryl. "Now seriously, did you think I wouldn't know?"
"Enough with the games," said Zoisite sweating.
"No games," said Beryl. "I found this in my mail earlier. I don't know how it got there, but I think it's for you!"
Beryl handed Zoisite the letter.
"Is there some kind of bomb in here?" asked Zoisite.
Beryl shook her head.
"Ok…"
Zoisite opened the letter and examined it for a long time.
"Hmmm," he said.
"What is it?" asked Beryl.
"It's odd," said Zoisite. "Apparently this is from my grandfather. It is his will. It says I have to go to this all girl school?"
"You're right, that is odd," said Beryl. "Why would that be in his will?"
"I don't know," said Zoisite. "But it must be done."
"I see," said Beryl. "Go pack your things, and be sure to come back with energy if possible."
"Yes," agreed Zoisite. "Farewell."
Zoisite was at the airport, and he was about to board to leave for his school.
He turned to all who came to wish him goodbye.
"Good luck," said Jadeite.
"Ho ho ho," said Kenji.
Nephrite did not show up, so there was just an empty spot where he should have been.
"Well… take care," said Kunzite nervously. "Zoisite, you've gotta promise me not to turn straight at that all-girls school."
"Not to worry," said Zoisite. "I'm as straight as a curly fry."
He hopped aboard the plane, and it took off.
Once the plane was in a smooth fly, Zoisite opened up his laptop.
He launched Plants vs. Zombies, but didn't have the patience to make it through the loading screen and logged off.
Next he launched up Skype.
He decided to call all his contacts at once in one mega call.
"Hi there!" answered Grandpa.
Zoisite waited for someone else to answer but no one else did.
"Oh no," thought Zoisite. "Now I'm stuck in a one-on-one call with that beast."
"Hello," repeated Grandpa.
"Heyyyy," said Zoisite.
"So," said Grandpa. "Are you the one who started this call?"
"No," lied Zoisite. "I just got a big group call from someone and I don't know who started it."
"The same happened to me," said Grandpa. "If I ever find out who started this call, I would kill them."
Zoisite was about to mention you could see who started it under call information, but decided not to say anything.
"Sooo," said Zoisite.
"Zoisite," said Grandpa.
"Yes," said Zoisite.
"Are you on a plane?"
"Yes," said Zoisite.
"Where ya going?" asked Grandpa.
"Nowhere important," said Zoisite. "Hey look, we're landing!" he lied.
"No you're not," said Grandpa. "I can see outside your window through the video cam."
"Heh heh," said Zoisite. "I was just kidding. But sadly my laptop is about to die."
"No it's not," said Grandpa. He left it at that.
Zoisite sat there quietly for 10 whole minutes.
Zoisite watched Grandpa closely, and saw that he was clicking a lot of buttons like he was playing something else.
"I'm just gonna hang up," thought Zoisite.
He moved his clicker.
"What are you doing?" asked Grandpa.
"Rats!" thought Zoisite. "I thought he wouldn't notice!"
"What are you doing?" asked Zoisite.
"I'm just watching porn, but I have your Skype window opened on the top right corner."
"Please don't tell me that," said Zoisite.
"Oh, sorry," said Grandpa. "Wanna know what vid I'm watching so we can watch together?"
"No thank you," said Zoisite.
"Hey guys!" said Motoki, joining the call. "I'm finally on break, heh heh!"
Zoisite vanished from the call and quickly closed his computer.
He pulled out the battery for safe measures.
"Okay," said Zoisite. "That was scary."
The plane landed at the school.
"Wow," said Zoisite. "I didn't know there was an airport this close to a school."
He got out and grabbed his suitcase.
"Wait," said Zoisite. "I forgot to bring a girl disguise! Wait, never mind, I don't need one. Now to put on my Sailor Moon girl voice that I was somehow able to do as a man. It makes more sense in the dub, tbh," he noted.
He walked into his room, but there was a girl in there.
"What's going on here?!" cried Zoisite in his normal voice.
"Hey," said Usagi Tsukino, who was in the nude. "I guess we're roommates, haha!"
"Could you put some clothes on?" asked Zoisite.
"Why?" wondered Usagi.
"Because I'm uncomfortable," said Zoisite sadly.
"It's okay," said Usagi. "We're both girls."
"Yeaaaaah," said Zoisite. "I'm gonna flee now."
He fled.
Out in the hall, he dialed the Shitennou Hotline.
Jadeite picked up.
"Hey," said Jed.
"Jadeite, what do I do?" complained Zoisite. "There's a nude girl in my room."
"Lucky dog," said Jadeite.
"Not lucky dog," said Zoisite. "More like bummer."
"I'd gladly take your place," said Jadeite.
"I wish," said Zoisite. "But I must go through with this. This was my grandfather's last wish. All I have to do is not be converted to being straight, but not to worry. Girls are yucky!"
"Do you actually have a problem?" asked Jed. "Or did you just call to talk?"
"I just told you my problem!" yelled Zoisite.
"Thank you for calling the Shitennou Hotline!" said Jadeite. He hung up.
"Sad day," said Zoisite. "As long as I don't run into any other girls, this day is still redeemable."
"Hi!" said a voice. "Are you lost? I am class representative Ami Mizuno!"
"Your blue hair is stupid," said Zoisite.
"Oh," said Ami sadly. "Well, as the class representative, I thought I should go meet the transfer student."
"Buzz off," said Zoisite. "Stop trying to make a move on me, I'm gay I tell you!"
"Oh really?" said Ami. "So you're a lesbian?"
"NOOoooOO!" said Zoisite. "I mean yeees!"
"I'll keep that in mind," said Ami.
Zoisite slept in the hall that night with his bag of luggage, because he didn't know when it would be safe to enter his room.
"It's tough being a gay MC in a harem anime," he thought sadly.
He went to class in the morning but was stiff from sleeping in the hall.
The only seat open was one surrounded by 12 girls at all possible angles.
"Wait," said the teacher. "You're the new student! Why don't you come up here and introduce yourself?"
"I'm good," said Zoisite, leaning back in his chair and putting his feet on the table.
"Nooooo!" said the sensei. "Get up here!"
"Alright, alright," said Zoisite.
"Hey guys," said Zoisite. He tried to think of a Japanese name that started with a Z but unfortunately there was none. "I'm Zoisite," he said at last.
He sat down.
"If you have any troubles, you can talk to the class representative, Ami Mizuno," said the teacher.
Ami Mizuno blushed for an unknown reason, and sunk in her seat.
"Odd girl," said Zoisite. "But I've already met her."
"Oh, good!" said the teacher. "Now to take attendance."
"Hey!" said a girl from in front of Zoisite, turning around. "I'm Makoto Kino! Pleasure to meet ya!"
"Yeah, that's nice," said Zoisite.
"I'm going down to the pool later, you wanna tag along?" asked Makoto.
"No," said Zoisite.
"Oh," said Makoto. "How about lunch today?"
"No," said Zoisite. "I got my own. And I'm going to eat it in my room, if that girl isn't there."
"Oh," said Makoto. "Would it change your mind if you knew what a great cook I was?"
"That's all girls are good at anyway," said Zoisite. "It's not an accomplishment. Now can you please get your large breasts off my desk? I'm trying to take notes."
Makoto turned back to the board.
"Good riddance," said Zoisite loudly.
Zoisite bolted out of the class after the class.
"Finally," said Zoisite. "I can't stand the smell of all those women!"
That was when he was confronted with a shorter girl.
"Hi," said Hotaru.
"What do you want, small fry?" asked Zoisite. "I got class to go to!"
"Well," said Hotaru. "You live in the same dorm as me!"
"NOO!" cried Zoisite.
"Yes," giggled Hotaru. "And it's custom that we freshmen help out our senpais!"
"No thanks," said Zoisite.
He went to leave but Hotaru latched on for the long run.
"It's custom!" she howled.
"NOOOO!" said Zoisite. "Get off me!"
He kept trudging along to his next class.
He sat down in the desk but Hotaru was still clinging.
"Buzz off!" said Zoisite. "Don't you have a class to go to?!"
"I can't leave my onee-chan!" explained Hotaru.
"I'm not your onee-chan, dork!" yelled Zoisite. "Get lost!"
Hotaru pouted and left.
"Finally," said Zoisite. "I hope no other girls throw themselves at me."
Suddenly Minako threw herself at Zoisite, and he had to dodge.
"Watch where you're throwing yourself!" he yelled.
"Hey," said Minako. "Did anyone ever tell you you're handsome?"
"Hey," said Zoisite. "I'm a girl!"
"Sure," said Minako. "Maybe next time you should try talking in a girl voice."
"Oops," said Zoisite. "What do you want, kid?"
Minako slipped him her dorm number. "Come pay me a visit after class," she said.
"No," said Zoisite.
When Minako left, Zoisite crumpled up the paper.
Zoisite headed back to his room. "Finally, at least I'll have a peaceful lunch."
He went to open the door, but suddenly pulled his hand back.
"I'm not sure it's safe yet," he realized.
He walked all the way back to the school, and went down to the cafeteria.
He opened his box lunch that Kunzite made for him.
"Mmmmm," he said. "And no one has bothered me yet!"
That's when a girl stormed up.
"Sorry, this table's full," said Zoisite, even though the table was empty.
"Here!" yelled Rei, throwing a box lunch at him.
Zoisite examined it. "What is this?"
"I didn't make this for you," said Rei, blushing and turning away.
"Ok, good," said Zoisite. "Then don't give it to me."
He handed it back to Rei.
"How dare you!" yelled Rei. "I won't forget this!"
"Okay," said Zoisite. "Have fun."
Rei stormed off.
"Odd girl," repeated Zoisite for the 10th time this day.
Kunzite had Jadeite and Nephrite over because it was lonely.
"Nice house," said Jadeite.
"Hmph," scoffed Nephrite. "I could spawn this any day!"
"Then why did you spawn a tiny mansion?" asked Kunzite.
"Because I used all my energy spawning the hill!" yelled Nephrite. "And I couldn't be suspicious, because I was on Earth. Whereas you're free in the Negaverse!"
Suddenly the phone rang and Kunzite answered and put it on speaker.
"Kunzite, help!" cried Zoisite.
"What's wrong?" said Kunzite. "I'm heading over!"
"No, don't," said Zoisite. "It's too late."
"Hi Zoisite," said Jadeite.
"Is that Jadeite?" asked Zoisite. "Why is he in our house?"
"Never mind that," said Kunzite. "What's the problem?"
"It's awful, Kunzite!" cried Zoisite. "Girls have been throwing themselves at me all day! And when it was time for gym, there was only one locker room! So I went in, and OHHH BOYYY! This is not healthy for a gay man like me! I'm currently hiding in a locker, and I'll wait till everyone leaves to change!"
"Why not just use a stall?" asked Kunzite.
"Too dangerous," said Zoisite. "What if someone's already in one but forgot to lock the door?"
"That does sound dangerous," agreed Kunzite.
Nephrite and Jadeite looked at each other.
"What exactly is the problem?" they asked each other. "That sounds like heaven!"
"It's a living nightmare!" cried Zoisite. "Girls are yucky!" he said and then hung up.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Jadeite?" said Nephrite.
"Ohhhh yeah!" said Jadeite.
"What are we thinking?" asked Kunzite.
Jadeite, Nephrite, and Kunzite boarded the plane in girl costumes.
"Just so you know," said Kunzite. "I'm only going to check on Zoisite. I don't want part of any of this monkey business."
"That's great," said Nephrite. "Now Jadeite, is my bra filled enough?"
"No," said Jadeite. "Put about 10 times more tissue paper."
"Good idea," said Nephrite. "Say, where's your tissue paper, Jadeite?"
"Flat is best," said Jadeite.
"Good choice," said Nephrite.
The plane landed and they hopped off.
"Why is the airport so close?" wondered Kunzite, heading into class.
Zoisite was sitting in class.
"Would you girls get off me?" he said, tossing Hotaru to the side.
"Let my arms free!" he demanded.
"NOooOO!" said Minako.
That's when the Shitennou pranced in wearing girl costumes.
"Is that you, guys?" asked Zoisite in shock. "What are you doing here?!"
"We came to check on you!" said Jadeite, sitting down next to Minako.
"Guys," said Kunzite. "Can one of you at least try to put on a girls' voice?"
"Sorry," said Nephrite. "My raspy voice actor can't do that!"
He sat down between two girls and put his arms around them.
Kunzite sat down next to Zoisite.
"Guys, this isn't some kind of game! We could get caught!" warned Kunzite.
"Then maybe you should quiet your voice," said Jadeite.
"Can I continue class now?" asked the teacher.
Ami Mizuno raised her hand. "Mrs. Haruna-sensei, are you just okay that there are four guys dressed up like girls in our class now?"
"Ami!" yelled the teacher. "That's very rude, and no way to welcome our three new students! I thought you were the class rep, start acting like one!"
"Yes," said Ami.
Nephrite snuck out his window and then went down to Molly's dorm, because she was also at this all-girls school.
He knocked on the door.
Molly answered.
"Oy hello!" said Molly.
"Mawly," said Nephrite. "I came all this way for you."
"That's very kind, onee-chan," said Molly. "But I don't know you."
"No need to put up a charade," said Nephrite. "No one is around."
"I don't know what you're getting at," said Molly. "Do you wanna come in for some tea?"
"Yes," said Nephrite.
He walked in the room, and Molly started pouring the tea.
"What is this?" said Nephrite. "Stop fooling around, Molly! Let's get serious!"
"I don't know what you're talking about," said Molly.
Nephrite took off his girl wig.
"It's me, Nephrite."
Molly was so shocked that she shrieked and threw herself out the window, but unfortunately her dorm was 10 stories high and she didn't make it.
Jadeite pranced into the cafeteria.
"Alright, who made me lunch?" he called.
But no one answered his call.
"What is this?!" said Jadeite. "Oh no, please tell me I'm not an MC's best friend! NO, NOOO!"
Kunzite walked down the hall, when suddenly a girl came to talk to him.
"Hey, do you know where-"
Kunzite took off sprinting, and turned the corner, but three girls were in his way.
"Get away from me!" he yelled.
He took off running the other way, and then ran into Zoisite.
"Thank goodness!" said Kunzite. "I have fought many wars, but that was just the worst experience of my life!"
"Hang in there," said Zoisite. "You get used to them eventually."
"No!" yelled Kunzite. "That's the talk of a straight man!"
The bell rung.
"No, our next class!" cried Kunzite.
The Shitennou sat in class.
Jadeite sat at the side, trying to a get a middle seat but unfortunately he didn't get one because he's just the MC's best friend.
That's when Grandpa, Kenji, and Shingo pranced in in girls' clothes.
Zoisite turned to the other Shitennou.
"What is this?!" said Zoisite.
"Sorry," said Jadeite. "I told them all about this sweet thing we have going on!"
"I'm home," said Grandpa.
"Ho ho ho," said Kenji.
"You guys didn't buy me fast food on the ride here!" complained Shingo. "Where are we, anyway?!"
That's when he looked at the class.
"Oooh, mama!"
"That's my boy," said Kenji. "Now straighten your pigtails and pick a seat between a bunch of girls!"
"Yahoo!" said Shingo.
He sat down next to Jadeite. "Hey young girl!" he said. "How about you and me have a sleepover, if you catch my drift?"
"No, Shingo!" said Jadeite. "It's me, Jadeite!"
"OMG," said Shingo. "My mistake!"
He sat down next to Nephrite.
"Hey baby," said Shingo.
"Don't push your luck," said Nephrite in a man's voice.
"NooooOO!" said Shingo.
"I question his insight if he can't tell that we're guys," said Zoisite.
Kunzite nodded.
Shingo moved over to a seat next to Zoisite.
"Oh, you're a guy," said Shingo, moving on.
"Hey!" said Zoisite. "I'm feminine! Definitely more so than Nephrite!"
Shingo sat down next to Kenji.
"Son," said Kenji. "We came in together!"
"Ah," said Shingo.
"Can I go back to teaching now?" asked the teacher.
"Yes, carry on, lady!" said Grandpa.
"If you say so, wrinkly young girl," said the teacher.
"We can't keep letting people do this," said Zoisite. "It's morally wrong to dress up as the other gender and not tell people in school!"
"You said it!" called Seiya in his girl form, sitting with the other Starlights.
"Say," began Kunzite. "Have you seen Jadeite and Nephrite around?"
"No," said Zoisite. "I think they've been held up in the locker room for about 10 days."
"Hmm," said Kunzite. "Have you seen Grandpa, Kenji, and Shingo around?"
"No," said Zoisite. "I think they've been held up in the bathroom for about 10 days."
"Something's not right here," said Kunzite.
"I agree," said Zoisite. "We can't let this go on. It'd be morally wrong to!"
Kunzite and Zoisite headed first for the girls-only locker room.
They opened up a locker, and tons of snack wrappers poured out.
Jadeite and Nephrite fell out moments later.
"Hey!" said Nephrite. "What are you doing?!"
"What are you doing?!" yelled Zoisite. "You can just hide in a locker any time, why are you hiding when you actually have girl costumes for once and can roam free?"
"Well," said Nephrite. "People would be suspicious when they don't see us changing."
"I guess you're right," said Zoisite. "So why'd you come all the way here?"
"Well," said Jadeite. "You told me all the girls were throwing themselves at you, but I seem to have a different situation."
"Fool," said Kunzite. "Didn't you know you'd just be the MC's best friend if you were the second to show up?"
Jadeite hung his head.
"Look," said Kunzite. "You guys have to get out of here."
"Uh, no way," said Nephrite. "We still have enough powdered donuts to last us another couple days. Good thing there's a vending machine by the pool, or else we'd be done for!"
"Come on!" yelled Kunzite, grabbing Nephrite by the arm.
"NOOO! Get off!" yelled Nephrite. "Jadeite, don't let him grab the camera!"
"Roger!" said Jadeite.
"Camera?!" yelled Zoisite. "What is this?!"
That's when they heard the sound of a door opening, and voices coming closer.
Suddenly 13 nude girls entered the fray, and Kunzite and Zoisite had to run for their lives.
Jadeite and Nephrite threw themselves in a locker and closed the door.
"Did anyone just hear that?" said Ami. "It sounded like a locker."
"No," said Nephrite from inside the locker.
"How'd all these snack wrappers appear here?" wondered Rei.
Everyone was sitting in class the next day.
Grandpa threw a paper airplane at Ami, and inside the airplane was his phone number.
"Hey Jadeite," said Nephrite. "How do you rate the teach?"
"A solid 6," said Jadeite. "She's pretty good at giving her math lessons, but she goes a little fast sometimes."
"No, you goofball," said Nephrite. "I mean in her looks!"
"Hmm," said Jadeite thinking. "A solid 6."
The teacher went to begin a lesson, but the door opened.
In came Mamoru Chiba, Motoki, Motoki's sister who had been shown to possibly be lesbian, Melvin, Wiseman, Professor Tomoe, Game Machine Joe, Artemis, and Mr. Kitakata, all in girl costumes.
Melvin, however, looked the prettiest, because he was used to dressing up like a girl as seen in that one episode.
"WHAT IS THIS?!" yelled Zoisite standing up. "You're blowing my cover with this nonsense!"
"Hey," said Mamoru Chiba. "Don't be selfish now. There's enough girls to go around!"
"Yes!" said Zoisite. "But when we all get kicked out there will be none for anyone!"
"Why would we get kicked out?" asked Jadeite.
"Because some of those last guys aren't even trying to look like girls! That one's a cat!"
"Meow," said Artemis, rolling with the flow.
"Umm," said the teacher. "We don't have enough seats to fit you all."
"Not to worry," said Grandpa. "This young lady right here can sit on my lap!"
"Grandpa, it's me, Kunzite!" yelled Kunzite.
"Oh," said Grandpa. "All these guys dressing up as girls is confusing! Wanna sit on my lap anyway?"
"Uh, no!" said Kunzite.
"Perhaps," said Ami, raising her hand. "Maybe some of these students could go to another class!"
"No can do," said Motoki's sister, leading the pack by sitting down on the floor.
They all followed suit.
"Hey," said Jadeite to Tomoe. "Let's swap places! You can have a desk seat!"
"No way," said Tomoe. "I have a great view up a girl's skirt from down here!"
"Drat!" said Jadeite. "He knows!"
"Can you stop looking up my skirt?!" yelled Zoisite.
"I wonder," said Nephrite. "Are there any actual girls left in this class?"
"I'm a girl," said Ami.
"Yes," said Nephrite. "But any others."
He looked around and saw that every student was a guy.
"NOOO!" said Nephrite. "This is when it becomes a problem! I wish it just stayed as us and Zoisite!"
"I wish none of you came," said Zoisite.
"Can I continue the lesson?" said the teacher.
"Not now," said Jadeite. "We're discussing something important."
Jadeite stood up. "Everyone, let's spread out a bit, because we're all in the same class so there's no room for girls!"
"It's okay," said Grandpa. "Some of you make good females, and that's good enough for me!"
"Not for me," said Nephrite. He booked it.
"Yeah, could you please all get out?" said Zoisite. "And don't come back, perhaps!"
The whole class got up and left, besides Zoisite and Ami, and also Kunzite who wasn't here for the girls.
"Good," said Zoisite. "Finally some peace and quiet."
That's when the full class of girls entered back and instantly piled on Zoisite.
"NOOOO!" cried Zoisite, running out of oxygen. "I'd actually prefer the guys here! HEeeEEELP!"
FIN
