Chapter Seven: Reckoning

Poe Dameron was seething with anger. What the hell had Finn been thinking? Why wouldn't he have just left that piece of first order trash on the dying planet? The pilot was still haunted by the remnants of what Kylo Ren had done to him. That monster had dug around inside Poe's mind, prying apart every memory, private or otherwise, looking for what he wanted. It was as close to rape as Poe ever wanted to get.

The violation of his innermost feelings and images that he held dear had been laid bare for that man's casual perusal. Finn had been dealt a bad hand too, but he hadn't had someone rooting around inside him. The anger and the shame at being unable to resist the former Supreme Leader was still so raw it ached in places Poe preferred not to think about. He ground his teeth together.

They'd lost Rey but they had managed to save the man that had caused so much damage to the resistance; and also to Leia and Han Solo personally. Hell, Kylo Ren had even violated Rey's mind on Starkiller base. Sympathy poured through him at that realization. It wasn't that the pilot wasn't aware of what had happened, Rey had told Finn, who had told him. They were close like that. Almost like siblings. He wondered if it had been worse for her because she was also able to access the Force. Probably. He decided.

He'd known for some time that there was something different between Rey and Kylo. A change had taken place when she'd gone to find Luke Skywalker, but she had never gone into details. And now? They find Rey dead and, apparently, Ren had been trying to protect her? What the kriff?

He pulled in a breath and glanced over at 3PO. The gold protocol droid was staring out into the void of the jungle. They were both waiting, 3PO for BB-8 and Poe for Finn…and BB-8. You are waiting for all of them, just be honest.

"General?" A small voice called hesitantly.

Turning, he tried to wipe the anxious expression from his face. "Yeah?" He was handed a holo-corder, he read the reports coming in from across the galaxy. The news of their victory on Exegol was spreading like wildfire. Many of the ships that jumped to the aid of the resistance were returning home with tales of a glorious win over the First Order, but he knew better.

Poe knew who they'd lost by name. Snap Wexley had been among those lost; and of course, there was Rey. She would be the hardest death for any of them to accept. Because at some point Poe had started to believe that he, Finn and Rey would all make it out of this mess, alive. He'd been wrong. For all that he and Rey fought like brother and sister, the pilot had come to rely on her steadfast presence and generally calm disposition. Now that was gone.

He sighed and turned back toward the young woman. Poe didn't know her. Which meant she had likely been part of the rescue mission mounted by the entire galaxy. Apparently, she had decided to stay. Her short black hair was casually styled, and she wore a mechanic's jumpsuit. The girl was barely sixteen, maybe seventeen if he was being generous. But she reminded of him of Rey and that send emotional pain fluttering through his chest.

"What's your name?" he asked. Poe continued to read through the reports and supply inventories.

"Yara Jaystar." She answered softly.

Tilting his head, he looked over at her, appraising the slender build and strong jaw. "And where are you from, Yara?"

Her eyes clouded and she dropped her eyes. "Kijimmi." He didn't have to be Force-sensitive to feel the pain radiating from her.

Poe's eyes softened and he lowered his hands. He wasn't sure what to say. This girl had lost her entire planet and it was the resistance's fault. Their fault, it had been their fault. He was under no illusions that without their visit to Babu Frick, that planet wouldn't have been a tiny blip on the Final Order's radar. There was nothing to gain by destroying a planet rich with ore and poor in population.

He handed the reader back. "I'm sorry." His voice shook a bit, but he managed to hold it together pretty well. "For your loss."

"We've all lost something. Some of us just lost more than others." It was quiet, but the conviction behind her words sat oddly with him.

She nodded once before heading off the direction of the main bay. Poe was pulled from his musings as the Millennium Falcon appeared above him, thrusters glowing as it started to descend into the vacant area near his X-wing.

XXXX

Something was very wrong. Ben was inside the body of someone else. He wasn't sure who, but he did recognize his surroundings. The simple stone hut held a wooden table, a chair and few other meager belongings that indicated that someone actually lived here. He went to stand and realized that he was seeing the world from a height that was at least a foot shorter than he was. A sudden commotion outside the hut caught his attention, calling a lightsaber to his hands he went to investigate. How would he have known there was saber there? Ben was confused and it was setting him on edge.

Okay, so I'm a Jedi or something?

They stepped out into the night, it was thick with black smoke and flying orange embers. The moment his feet crossed the threshold into the darkness, he knew exactly where he was.

Gulping back his sense of dread, Ben was forced to move in the exact the patterns that this young padawan had more than twenty years ago. Gaul Exen. He was inside the body of Gaul Exen.

Ben wanted nothing more than to run in the opposite direction of what he knew was coming. He willed the body he was inside to follow his wishes, but it was like he had no control. And yet he could feel every raw emotion tumbling through Gaul's body.

Please, I don't want to see this.

Ben didn't know who, or what, he was begging, but he begged anyway. When nothing changed and the body of Gaul continued to move toward the raging fires, Ben prepared himself for a future that was already part of the past.

A figure cloaked in something more mere darkness stepped from the shadows. The brilliant blue glow of a Jedi's lightsaber illuminated the growing hatred shining out of his dark eyes. Gaul stumbled, barely managing to catch himself before he fell at the feet of Ben Solo.

Looking up into his own black eyes, Ben saw what Gaul had seen. He knew it was too late for the Jedi trainee, Ben Solo had already turned away from the light. There would be no mercy in that grim expressive face, just deadly purpose and a hint of fear struck through with rage.

Gaul had been older than Ben by a few years, but he hadn't been anywhere near as powerful; none of them had been. They'd trained together for more than ten years and yet they weren't friends. Ben Solo didn't have friends. He'd kept himself apart from the other students in a way that solidified his lonely isolated existence. He'd never realized it until now, but he had been as responsible for his lack of companions as his parents had been. But now as he stared up into his own face, he understood why the other students had never worked very hard to get past his self-imposed isolation. Ben was not a very friendly looking person.

That hadn't bothered him. Not in the least. Ben had purposely closed himself off from the emotions of others, he'd had to. His Force sensitivity had been such that he couldn't block the raw emotions of others when he'd been young, so to protect his own sanity, Ben had learned how to wall out everyone else. He'd tried to explain it to his mother, but she could seem to grasp what was sending his young son into panicked fits. And his father? He hadn't even tried to understand.

His own parents hadn't been able to accept him the way he was born, why would anyone else? The only exception to that, had been Rey. Even as they'd fought, Ben had known that she was special. The only time he might have been able to kill his had been before he touched her mind in that interrogation chamber on Starkiller base. Once he'd felt that unique connection, or Force bond, it would have been impossible for him to drive his lightsaber through her heart. He'd have incapacitated her and then taken her prisoner until he could convince her to accept the gifts of darkness he was offering.

What Kylo Ren hadn't understood and Ben Solo did, was that Rey would never have taken the offer of that gloved hand. She didn't have it in her to be the villainous Empress the Sith loyalists had believed she would be. But Ben had known. Because he'd been inside her mind and he understood, on a fundamental level, who Rey was. She was all light with hints of darkness at the edges. A unique blend of both sides of the Force, just as he'd been; before he'd fallen. Simply accepting his hand would never have been enough to fully turn her from the Light side of the Force. Kylo Ren couldn't have understood that, but Ben did.

He felt the slow lifting of Gaul's black eyes as Ben's younger self stepped in front of them, blocking any hope of escape. Wiping at his forehead he frowned at the liquid on his fingertips, he didn't know if it was rain or sweat running in thick rivulets down his face, ultimately, he figured it wouldn't matter. Because Ben knew how this encounter ended.

"Ben." Gaul's thickly accented use of his given name sent the broken young man into a frenzy f action. Suddenly the two were engaged in a furious battle of wills and power. Gaul's green lightsaber flashing in time with Ben's blue plasma blade. Neither man gave ground, but they were both beginning tire.

From inside the body of the smaller man, Ben watched, unable to change a course of events that had already happened but sick with the knowledge of what was about to occur.

Young-Ben brought his saber down in a wide powerful arc that jarred Gaul's arms. He parried and spun under the taller man's extended arms and managed slice along both of his larger opponent's thighs. Ben howled in pain and frustrated anger at the strike. It wasn't mortal or even particularly bad, but the fact that his opponent had scored blinded him with new rage. He twirled and dropped into a crouch; his blue lightsaber extended behind him as be prepared to re-engage his enemy.

Ben wanted to close his eyes. To look away from the unrelenting anger pouring from his younger self. And yet he was a passenger on this little trip down memory lane. He had no more control over Gaul's actions than he had over his own body. He watched as the tall dark figure stalked toward him; the power of the Force sparking and rippling with Ben's unbalanced emotions, giving him access to the immense power of both the light and the darksides of the Force.

In that moment, Ben felt Gaul's realization. He couldn't win this fight. It didn't matter how much better he was with a saber or how long he'd been studying with Master Skywalker; he could not beat Ben Solo. Because Ben wasn't just accessing the light, he was also drawing on the forbidden powers of the darkside. Fear washed through him, and Ben was a helpless audience to this man's impeding death. A death that he had doled out without regard and without regret.

Gaul started to move, but Ben reached out with the Force and blocked his actions. Pivoting on his back foot, the nephew of Luke Skywalker brought his saber's blade across the shoulders of the smaller man neatly removing his head from his shoulders.

Ben screamed in agony as the presence of Gaul was severed from him leaving only his mind to fail in those last terrifying seconds. Everything burned and he felt as though he was being peeled apart as the Force punished him for his act of violence that day.

And then…it was over…at least for Gaul. But the Force wasn't done with Ben Solo yet.

Ben found himself staring up into the blank mask of Kylo Ren, a sense of fear and acceptance coursing through him. No, not him. Another body. But this body was old, frail from years of hard service and disappointment, but it embodied a regal quality that belied the obvious age.

The lack of emotion in that black and silver mask made it impossible to know what the man behind it was thinking. But Ben knew.

At least not until he started speaking. "Look how old you've become." It was said more as an observation than a personal slight against the body Ben now occupied. But the cold empty feeling inside him as he'd looked upon a man that once been a friend to his parents was extremely unpleasant.

No. No, please don't make me relive this…but once again, no one and nothing was listening to what Ben Solo wanted. He was being punished for the decisions he'd made as Kylo Ren, and he damn well knew it. And if it had only been the deaths he was forced to relive, he could handle that, but this was also their emotions at the moment they were torn away from the living Force. Acts of extreme violence that had been perpetrated with such a disregard for life that there was no "I'm sorry" which could undo them. He realized that simply renouncing the dark masters he'd once served wasn't going to be enough to bring balance back to his tattered soul.

He personally, would be suffering for those decisions.

"Something far worse has happened to you."

The tall figure of Kylo Ren stared at the old man for a few moments before continuing. Ben could feel the gathering fear inside the man, but it wasn't a fear of dying, it was fear for him and the Organa-Solo family. That realization rocked their only son back on his heels. He'd thought that when he'd turned his back on his family name and the light side of the Force, everyone that had known or cared about him had abandoned him as lost to the darkness.

But Ben was different now. The depth of remorse he felt for his part in this man's death couldn't be understated.

"You know what I've come for." The distorted voice smothered any chance of emotions making their way into it.

Ben felt the sadness settle like a heavy mantle over the old man. "I know where you come from. Before you called yourself Kylo Ren"

Kylo didn't move a muscle, he continued to stare into those ancient eyes. "The map to Skywalker. We know you found it. And now you're going to give it to the First Order." He started to pace a few steps back and forth; his patience was waning.

"The First Order rose from the darkside, you did not."

Ren turned toward him, "I'll show you the darkside."

A slow breath helped to settle the growing knowledge that he was going to die this day. And Ben could feel the acceptance of his fate. The honor with which the man accepted his impending death sent another cascade of emotions through Ben. "You may try. But you cannot deny the truth that is your family."

"You're so right." Kylo responded as he simultaneously ignited his lightsaber.

Ben hunched over to the side as the killing stroke of his own blade came down on them. It cut him nearly in half. Fiery agony ran just ahead of the plasma blade as it tore through flesh and bone. He screamed out, but no one could hear him. And then he again felt the mind-wrenching torture of a soul being reabsorbed back into the Force. Once again, Ben was left feeling so alone he wished that the death had resulted in his own destruction. Not just death, but the complete obliteration of his soul. It was what he deserved.

Ben…hang on. Rey's soft words came from nowhere and everywhere all at once. You have to fight this. And then he was cast back into the loneliness that was quickly becoming his constant state of being.

XXXX

Finn watched silently as the resistance guards drug the unconscious Kylo Ren from the Falcon's cargo bay. He hadn't moved since the seizure-like attack on the ship, his eyes weren't shifting beneath his closed eyelids. Which wasn't a good thing, even an ex-stormtrooper knew that. They'd removed the chains, but the drug inducing cuffs were still pumping the yellow liquid into his blood stream.

Ren's right leg was twisted at an odd angle as he was drug across the dirt toward the holding cells. Finn had seen the severity the other man's injuries; his dislocated shoulder, and that knee...he knew that the tall man that swather himself in black would've been in serious pain' if he'd been conscious.

Poe ran from the interior bay. "Finn!" He grabbed him in a tight hug. "I can't believe you destroyed that command ship."

Finn tried to smile; it came out wrong. "Rey."

The pilot's face fell, and his brown eyes shifted to the ramp of the Falcon. Chewbacca was descending with a bundle wrapped gently in his arms. It was clear to anyone with eyes that it was a body. A body that meant everything to those around her. Poe swiftly covered the ground between them before offering to take her. Chewie growled a warning and the general backed off.

"Okay." Lifting his hands in a placating gesture, Poe backed away.

Maz stepped up next to Finn, lifting her small hand she laid it gently against his forearm. "There shouldn't be a body." She said quietly.

Finn released a slow breath. "I know." His gaze flickered in the direction Kylo had been dragged. Maz's ancient eyes followed his.

"Is he alive?" She wondered aloud.

Finn snorted, "Yeah. He's alive."

"He may be the only one who can tell us why Rey is trapped between life and death."

He yanked his arm away and turned to squat down in front of her. "What?"

"Finn, when a Jedi dies their body along with their essence or power is reabsorbed into the Force. That is the way it happens. Always." She narrowed her eyes. "But you already knew that."

"I suspected. I keep thinking I can feel her. Do you think she's trying to communicate with us." He glanced toward the cellblock again. "When I found them Kylo Ren was wrapped around her…like a shield or something."

"Hmmm." Maz hummed, turning she tapped at her chin as she considered that. "He is not dressed as Kylo Ren now. Was that your doing?"

Finn shook his head 'no'.

"I have never heard of Kylo Ren being found outside of his black cowl and helmet. I believe that something significant happened on the planet."

Finn hated to admit it, but he agreed. Something had changed between Rey and the supreme leader of the First Order. He allowed his eyelids to drop closed and tried to breathe slowly. Focusing on a specific presence, one he hoped to find in his mind. Rey, I need to know. Is it him, Kylo Ren you need?

Several moments of nothing went past before a name floated through his mind. Not Kylo Ren. Protect Ben Solo.

He blinked at the sudden clarity of purpose he felt. Maz was looking at him in that same peculiar way she had when they'd first met. "What did she say? You can feel her, can't you?"

He was surprised that she needed no convincing. Maz understood the Force in a way that only Jedi and Sith seemed to, but she denied being Force-sensitive. He nodded. "She wants me to protect Ben Solo."

Maz's face shifted to one of both surprise and solidarity. "That won't be easy."

"No, it won't. But I swear Maz; it's like she's begging for help."

"My dear boy, then we shall do as she asks. Because she cannot do it herself." Her small frame suddenly felt bigger than his. He former stormtrooper's lips twitched in something like a smile.

"Poe won't like it." Finn said with a shake of his head.

"No, he will not. But he will do it. For Rey."She finished evenly.

XXXX

Ben felt himself working toward some form of awareness. His entire body was raging with a fever he couldn't control and a pain he couldn't ignore. His emotions were wild and raw in a way that he hadn't felt since he'd killed his father. He was teetering on the edge of something, but he didn't yet know what that was.

He found himself seated outside his parent's personal chambers, the ones they'd had when his mother had spent most of her time as a senator for the new republic.

He watched with a sinking heart as his uncle slowly traversed the long narrow corridor toward Leia's stateroom. The great Jedi Master didn't look tall and sure, he looked bent and bowed by what Ben had done. He didn't want to witness this moment in time.

What as his mother learned of her son's ultimate betrayal and her brother's enormous failure. Ben willed his essence to remain outside as the doors slid apart and Luke entered.

Against his wishes, Ben found himself a silent witness to his mother's heartbreak. Tears blurred his vision as he watched them interact. Luke never said a word. But Ben saw the precise moment his mother understood the reason for her twin's visit. It was clearly reflected when her soft brown eyes glistened; she shook her head over and over in a silent denial that spoke volumes.

Her legs gave out and Leia sank down onto her long ornate couch before dropping her head into her hands; her shoulders shaking with barely controlled grief. Ben's entire essence twisted under the emotional onslaught of his mother's personal loss. He'd thought it was just her in the chamber, but then Han had emerged from the shadows. His father's hair was more brown than gray, and his eyes were bright with unshed tears.

"He's gone?" The elder Solo's voice broke as his own grief mirrored his wife's.

Luke could only nod.

Ben's body crumpled under the staggering weight of black despair that surrounded the three figures across from him. In that moment, he wished that he'd never been conceived. If he'd never existed, then he couldn't have hurt his parents like this. He couldn't have disappointed them and rebelled against the Light. Watching their combined grief and knowing that he had caused it was terrible, but when combined with the knowledge that he had also caused the deaths of each of them...well, that started shredding his newly acquired Light.

With his head bowed, Ben never saw the approach of another person. A gentle hand started running through his dark hair before someone sank down before him. Long fingers slipping beneath his chin while the other hand wiped his wet cheeks.

"Ben." Rey's lilting voice tore him away from the staggering anguish of that moment.

His brown eyes flashed up, connecting with the bright worried gaze of the only person who might forgive him for his choices. Because he knew that he would never forgive himself. Ben couldn't bring himself to say anything lest she evaporate into thin air. He reached out with his shaking hands and then his shattered mind. But she didn't disappear. Rey remained solid, he gathered her against his chest seeking comfort he had no right to expect. She wrapped her arms around him and simply held him as he shook.

He didn't know how long they sat like that. His right leg was screaming at the forced awkward positioning beneath him. Her fingers trailed through his hair and around to the base of his neck, kneading the knots of stress.

"Ben." She leaned away but didn't let him go as she searched for his eyes.

He didn't look up. "I can't do this without you." He admitted softly. His chest shuddered with the suppressed emotions he'd spend the better part of twenty years running from.

Rey leaned down even further forcing him to lift his weary red-rimmed eyes. "You won't have to." she said firmly.

"Yes, I do. You died, remember?"

She chuckled. That pulled his gaze up and he fixed her with that heady combination of dark intensity and vulnerable need that she found both intoxicating and frightening. "I couldn't let you do it, Ben. I couldn't allow you to trade your life for mine."

He leaned away as he realized what she just admitted to. "You stopped the Force transfer?"

"I did."

"Why?" It came out as a strained whisper, his body shaking as he waited for an answer.

Rey smiled sadly. "Because I couldn't live with you dead."

His eyebrows drew together as familiar anger welled up, feeding his volatile emotions. "So, you forced me to live without you?"

"That wasn't my intension. I didn't know we'd get stuck like this." She replied. Rey glanced over her shoulder at the frozen moment of time behind her. "I didn't know."

He let his hands drop to her waist. "What is happening to us?" He wanted to lean in and kiss her so badly his entire body ached with it.

"I don't know." She answered. Rey let her fingers slip along his jaw and trace the outline of his lips.

If her current regrets were half as painful as his, she too would suffer for her decision on Exegol.

You released us Ben Solo. And now you'll spend the rest of your life locked inside your own mind in a hell of your own making. Welcome to your reckoning.

The deep voice thundered through the room shattering their connection. Rey was torn from his arms and Ben was thrust back into the emotional turmoil of the moment.

TBC…

Author's Note: Thank you for your continued support. I can't wait for you all to read where this is heading…

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