"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
Queen Beryl sat and waited for someone else to come in and interrupt. She sat there for 10 full minutes.
"Queen Beryl!" repeated Jadeite. "Are you there? Earth to Beryl, is anyone home?!"
"Sorry," said Beryl. "I didn't expect it to be a Jed episode. What is your new source?"
"Well," said Jadeite. "I don't have a source, since all energy is essentially the same. But I do have a pretty good scheme."
"Let's hear it."
"Well, I have worked with my Youma team to concoct a special brew of lemonade. Once drunk, this lemonade will cause people's energy to fly straight to the Negaverse!"
"How does that work?" asked Beryl.
"Goofy science," explained Jadeite. "Not worth getting into."
"Very well then," said Beryl. "Hop to it at once."
Jadeite opened his lemonade stand on a busy street corner in Tokyo.
"They will be eating out of the palm of my hand in minutes!" he announced.
Jadeite sat there for a while and waited.
"Man, I remember when I used to have Youmas to do this stuff for me. Except for the gym episode, of course. And that was the one time I got energy! Oh yeah, but I also didn't have one for the Rei episode. Heh."
Jadeite waited and waited. Finally he got angry.
"Where are the customers?!"
"Over here," said Nephrite.
Jadeite turned and saw, to his horror, that Nephrite was operating his own lemonade stand three feet away. It had a huge line of customers.
"What?!" cried Jadeite. "Why are they all going to your stand and not mine?!"
"Because," explained Nephrite. "Mine is one cent cheaper."
"NOoooO!" yelled Jadeite. "Move up your price at once!"
"No can do," said Nephrite. "I already painted the price on the sign."
"Didn't you create a house and a car?" recalled Jadeite.
"And a mountain," added Nephrite.
"Exactly!" yelled Jadeite. "So take your lemonade stand and move to another street! My lemonade stand is part of a plan to gather energy for the Negaverse!"
"Tough luck," said Nephrite. "My lemonade stand is to raise money for Molly's Girl Scout troop."
"So where's Molly?" asked Jadeite.
Nephrite sighed. "Hopefully not with that nerd. If I ever run into that kid in a dark alley, OOOH!"
Jadeite was livid. "I'll tell Queen Beryl you're sabotaging the Negaverse!"
"Come on Jed, don't be a snitch," said Nephrite.
"Then go away!" yelled Jed.
"No can do," repeated Nephrite.
"How about we team up and split the customers?" Jadeite suggested.
"No can do," repeated Nephrite.
Jadeite sighed. "It's gonna be one of those days."
Nephrite sat on a pile of money as customers kept coming and coming.
"99 Yen lemonade!" he called. "Get yours before we run out!"
Nephrite spawned a new pitcher full of lemonade, and had sold all of it within seconds.
He wiped his brow. "The lemonade business is fast-paced. I might need to hire some employees."
Zoisite appeared, out of view, to do his hourly check on Nephrite.
"What's going on here?" he thought. "Is Nephrite trying some sort of lemonade scheme to get the Silver Crystal? I won't allow it!"
Zoisite teleported away.
"Nothing can stand in the way of how much money I'm making," said Nephrite. "Especially not that joke stand right there!"
All Nephrite's customers laughed, while Jadeite frowned.
"Now who wants this next glass?" called Nephrite.
Suddenly all his customers fled.
"Hey!" yelled Nephrite. "What is this?!"
"Get your free lemonade!" called Zoisite from a third lemonade stand 3 feet away from Nephrite's.
"What?!" yelled Nephrite. "That's a terrible business move!"
"I don't need Earth money," said Zoisite. "Quick Kunzite, we need another pitcher!"
Kunzite spawned 20 more pitchers of lemonade.
"Hey!" said Nephrite. "That's no fair!"
"Heh," said Jadeite. "Looks like the tables have turned, buddy boy!"
"You're still not getting any business," said Nephrite.
"You're right," said Jadeite. "It's time to take drastic measures."
"This is going well," said Kunzite. "At this rate, Nephrite will never get another customer! And if he never gets customers, he'll never get the Silver Crystal!"
"Heh heh," said Zoisite.
But suddenly all their customers fled somewhere else.
"No! Come back!" cried Zoisite. "He's after your crystal!"
But that didn't slow the crowd in their dash.
"Kunzite, do something!" yelled Zoisite. "Put them in a bubble!"
Kunzite spawned a huge dark energy bubble around the entire crowd, stopping them from progressing.
"Free lemonade AND a free balloon!" howled Jadeite from his stand.
"Jadeite!" exclaimed Zoisite. "I didn't know you were here! This is your fault!"
"Heh heh," said Jadeite.
"What is this, Australian rules?" demanded Nephrite.
The customers were desperate to reach Jadeite's lemonade stand.
They began throwing themselves into the wall of Kunzite's bubble.
"STOP!" yelled Kunzite.
But they didn't, so he started shooting projectiles.
The customers were wiped out by the thousands.
"Now no one has them!" yelled Nephrite. "Good work, stupid!"
"Whatever," said Zoisite. "As long as you don't have them."
After all the customers dropped, Kunzite released his bubble.
"RIP," he said. "Nephrite, you might as well go home."
"No," said Nephrite. "More people will come!"
And they did, straight to Jadeite.
"How can we compete with that?" thought the others.
Kunzite summoned a Play Station, and then 3,000 more.
"Free Play Stations and lemonade!" he called.
"No!" yelled Nephrite.
"Hey!" yelled Jadeite.
The crowd took off sprinting, and Jadeite chased after them with a handful of balloons.
They weren't slowing, so he shot lightning out of his palms, taking out many.
But a lot of them survived, and slipped through his grasp.
Jed grabbed onto some guy's legs, and pulled him to the ground.
He started dragging him towards his lemonade stand, but the man took his own life.
"Dammit!" yelled Jadeite.
He tried to grab another.
"Hey!" yelled Yaten. "Let go of me!"
Yaten threw a kick into Jadeite's head, and Jadeite had to put him to rest.
He pummeled base-form Yaten until he was no more.
"Sad day," said Jadeite. "I wonder if anyone drank that lemonade I gave them, or if they only came for the balloons."
"FREE LION RIDES!" howled Nephrite. "On none other than Leo the Lion himself, straight from the cosmos!"
A good chunk of Zoisite and Kunzite's crowd dashed off, thinking the whole Play Station thing must have been some sort of hoax.
Zoisite bit his thumb angrily, and Kunzite shook his head.
"Free rose bouquets!" howled a voice from nearby.
Kunzite turned to see another lemonade stand set up three feet from his.
"What is this?!" demanded Kunzite.
"Heh heh," chuckled Endymion. "I won't let someone who uses humans to do their dirty work one-up me!"
"Ho ho ho," said Kenji, along for the ride. "Who else wants a bouquet?"
"Kenji-papa," said Shingo. "You said you'd help me with my lemonade stand today! I need to raise money to stay in the Boy Scouts!"
"Scram, ya brat!" said Kenji. "Can't you see I'm busy, stupid runt?
Shingo took off running and leapt off a bridge.
"Finally," said Kenji.
Zoisite continued to hand out Play Stations to the remaining customers.
"Excuse me," said a young hunkster. "Are you a fairy?"
"What?" said Zoisite. "No! What's that supposed to mean?!"
"You must be!" insisted Kitakata, from SuperS episode 137. "You have the beautiful eyes of one!"
Zoisite blushed. "Well, you're a hunkster yourself."
"Hey, what is this?!" yelled Kunzite. "Who do you think you are?!"
"Kunzite, buzz off," said Zoisite. "Me and this fine gentleman are talking."
"HUH?!" howled Kunzite. "What?! Who?!"
"I… better go," said Kitakata. "I don't want any trouble."
"Don't leave!" said Zoisite. "Just ignore my friend here!"
"FRIEND?!" yelled Kunzite. "NO! We're going home right now!"
Kunzite grabbed Zoisite by the arm and vanished.
"Finally," said Nephrite. "I can get some business!"
That's when he realized it was 12 at night.
"NO!"
The Shitennou showed up the next morning in front of Beryl.
"Guys," said Beryl. "We have a new recruit."
The Shitennou went to open their mouths in objection, but didn't even bother.
"Wise boys," said Beryl. "Now, I'd like to introduce you to the newest Shitennou, Mr. Kitakata!"
"NOOOOOOO!" yelled Kunzite.
"YEEEEEEES!" yelled Zoisite.
Jadeite went to open his mouth again.
"No, Jadeite," said Beryl. "He's a higher rank than you. So don't bother asking again."
"Drat!" said Jadeite.
"But… but how?!" demanded Kunzite. "How did he get here?!"
"Well," began Kitakata. "I figured that every fairy must have a fairy queen, so I followed young Zoisite home, and behold! I have met the fairy queen, Queen Beryl!"
"She's no fairy queen!" yelled Jadeite. "She's just a regular queen!"
"Lies," said Kitakata. "She has red hair, and according to my many years of research, red is a common color for a fairy queen's hair!"
"That doesn't make any sense!" complained Jadeite.
"Why is it always the crazy ones?" complained Nephrite.
"Hey, shut your mouth," said Zoisite. "I think we should all be nice to the new Shitennou!"
"I don't like this one bit," said Kunzite. "You haven't seen the last of me, Shitakata!"
"Of course not," said Kitakata. "I look forward to working with you!"
Kunzite threw a punch at lightning speed, so fast that the force tossed Jadeite over.
Kitakata lifted his big meaty arm, and blocked the blow with little effort.
Kunzite was shocked. "What… what are you?!"
"Hu hu hu," said Kitakata. "I did not get this position for no reason. I am atoned with the fairies, and have spent many years training to be one of them. Also, that big blob fairy named Metalia gave me a powerful buff!"
On that note, Kitakata grew a rainbow aura, and started charging up an attack.
"I call forth the power of the fairies!" he howled.
"Hey!" yelled Nephrite.
Kitakata shot a strong fairy blast straight for Kunzite.
Kunzite leapt out of the way at the last second, but the wall of the Negaverse was no more.
Kunzite growled. "You haven't seen the last of me!" he repeated, and then teleported away.
"So," said Jadeite, getting up. "Where does Kitakata rank? Is he one spot higher than me, or…"
"That's not important," said Beryl. "Now, you and Nephrite show Kitakata around!"
"I'll do it!" volunteered Zoisite, giggling like a maniac.
"Oh boy!" said Kitakata.
Nephrite stood at his soda machine, counting the bills he made from the lemonade stand.
"Molly will be top Girl Scout!" he said giddily.
That's when Kitakata walked up.
"You again," said Nephrite. "What do you want?"
"You're no fairy," stated Kitakata. "You're just an average male."
"So?" said Nephrite.
Kitakata threw a punch, tossing Nephrite.
"And it begins," sighed Nephrite, not even bothering to get up. "How come every time someone joins they instantly start picking fights?"
Zoisite and Kitakata entered the Nega Cafeteria, where Jadeite was eating his lunch.
"So this is the café," said Zoisite.
"Mmm," said Kitakata. "So I'll take it they serve nectar here?"
"Why would you think that?" asked Zoisite.
"It's part of the common diet of a fairy," said Kitakata. "Don't tell me you've never had any!"
"Uh, of course I have!" lied Zoisite.
They walked up to the lunch Youma.
"I'll have some orange nectar," ordered Kitakata.
"And a large cheeseburger for me," said Zoisite.
Kitakata shook his head. "Do you want to die?" he asked.
"Huh?" said Zoisite.
"You just ordered a cheeseburger," explained Kitakata. "One bite of that, and a fairy like yourself would be history."
"No, I've had cheeseburgers before," said Zoisite.
Kitakata shook his head. "I'll make that one purple nectar for this fairy here."
The lunch Youma stared for a long time.
"Pardon me," said Zoisite.
He went up and pummeled the lunch Youma. "What are you doing?" demanded Zoisite. "Get me and this hunk some nectar!"
The lunch Youma had no nectar in store, so she threw herself off into the abyss.
Kitakata sighed. "This is the worst fairy cave I've seen," he admitted. "It's almost like a barn."
Zoisite spawned some nectar. "Uh, here!"
"Good, good!" exclaimed Kitakata. "Now it's time to take our seat."
They walked up to the Shitennou table.
They stood impatiently in front of Jadeite.
"What's up?" said Jadeite, taking a bite of his cheeseburger.
"This is the Shitennou table," said Kitakata.
"So?" said Jadeite. "There are many other seats next to me."
"I don't think you understand," said Kitakata.
"Ah," said Jadeite.
He threw himself to the ground before Kitakata could do it, and retreated to his room.
"Good boy," said Kitakata.
Zoisite took a sip of nectar, and almost gagged.
"What is this garbage?!"
Kitakata raised his eyebrows.
"I mean, mmmm!" said Zoisite, taking another sip while crying.
Kitakata dug into his nectar. "I'll be a fairy in no time," he said.
That's when Kunzite ran up and threw himself into Kitakata, taking him for a loop.
Kitakata stood up and dusted off his shirt.
"Are you gonna stand there, or are you gonna fight?!" shouted Kunzite.
"You spilled my nectar," stated Kitakata.
He extended his hand, and grabbed Kunzite by the throat.
"Go Kitakata!" cheered Zoisite.
"Zoisite, no!" yelled Kunzite. "He's got you under his spell!"
Kunzite retreated to his castle within an inch of his life.
He stared at his picture of him and Zoisite.
"Where did it go wrong?" he wondered. "I won't let Shitakata get away with this!"
"Alright," said Endymion. "That was a clever one the first time, but now, not so much."
Kunzite groaned. "What do you want?"
"You underestimate your opponents," stated Endymion. "And also you use humans to do your dirty work!"
"Take that back!" yelled Kunzite.
"Heh heh heh," chuckled Kitakata, who was behind Endymion, who was behind Kunzite.
"Endymion, you're one to talk! You can't even decide if you're good or evil!" mocked Kitakata.
"Take that back!" yelled Endymion.
"No," said Kitakata.
Kitakata chuckled and walked away.
"I hate that guy!" yelled Endymion.
Endymion fled.
"I hate that guy!" yelled Kunzite.
"Queen Beryl!" yelled Kitakata. "I found a new source of fairies!"
"Uh, okay," said Beryl. "Let's hear it."
"Follow me," said Kitakata, taking off in a sprint.
Beryl shrugged and stood up.
"Now," began Kitakata as they walked. "See these holes falling into the abyss?" he pointed out.
"Yes," said Beryl.
"What if they are home to many more fairies?"
"Uh, maybe!" said Beryl. "What do you think about this, Kenji?"
"Ho ho ho, I'm just along for the ride!" said Kenji.
That's when Kitakata gasped.
"Qu-Qu-Qu-Queen Fairy!" he stuttered.
"Queen Beryl," corrected Queen Beryl.
"Y-y-y-y-y-y-you're standing on that flower!" sputtered Kitakata.
"Ah, yes," said Beryl. "I hate flowers. I almost got killed by one once. This was the only flower in the Negaverse, so I'm glad it's gone."
Kitakata's face turned bright red.
"You are no fairy, nonetheless a fairy queen!" he stated.
"Duh," said Beryl. "There's no such thing as fairies!"
Kitakata ended Beryl and threw her corpse into the abyss.
He turned to Kenji.
Kenji was eating a slice of toast.
"Are you a fairy?" asked Kitakata.
"Sure," said Kenji.
Kitakata nodded and walked away.
Kenji booked it for his life.
"Queen Beryl-sama," said Kunzite. "I need to file a complaint."
"Oh?" said a voice from Beryl's throne, which did not belong to Beryl.
Kitakata spun around on the chair.
"NO!" yelled Kunzite. "Where's Beryl?!"
"Gone," said Kitakata. "She was no fairy."
"You… you're insane!" yelled Kunzite.
That's when Zoisite walked in.
"Hey Kitakata, what are you doing on Beryl's throne?"
"This is my throne now," said Kitakata. "Have you been drinking your nectar?"
"Hey now," said Zoisite. "I hate Beryl as much as the next guy, but you can't just go around killing people."
"Have you been drinking your nectar?" repeated Kitakata.
"Totally!"
"Good," said Kitakata. "Drink some more nectar."
"I… just had some!" lied Zoisite. "I'm full."
"Yes," said Kitakata. "But it's a three-quarters moon."
"So?" said Zoisite.
"So," said Kitakata. "You'll die if you don't drink more nectar, right now!"
"Don't do it!" yelled Kunzite.
Zoisite hesitated, and took a sip.
That's when he started coughing. "Too sweet," he said.
Kitakata gasped. "You're no fairy," he said.
"Of course not," said Zoisite. "There's no such thing as fairies, you idiot. And here's how I feel about your nectar!"
Zoisite threw the nectar right in Kitakata's face.
Kitakata wiped it off while smiling. "It's such a shame," he said. "The life of a flower is short and full of suffering."
"Hey now," said Jadeite, appearing. "Me and Nephrite have some beef with you! We'd prefer if you stopped stealing our lines!"
"What he said!" agreed Nephrite.
"Good," said Kitakata. "The gang's all here. Now, you can all die together!"
"Huh?" said Jadeite.
Kitakata started charging up a beam.
"It always ends up this way," said Nephrite sadly.
But when all hope looked lost, Metalia flew in out of nowhere and threw a punch at Kitakata, tossing him across the room.
"Good work!" said Kunzite. "You got him!"
Kitakata sprouted fairy wings and rose to the ceiling of the Negaverse.
"Quick, Metalia! Try that again, but at double strength!" shouted Jadeite.
Metalia charged, but she was instantly obliterated.
"Goodbye everyone," said Nephrite. "We had a good run this chapter."
"I'm not going down without a fight!" yelled Kunzite. "This is personal!"
He spawned his sword and his shield and charged with all he had.
He threw a slice right into Kitakata's neck, but it had no effect.
Kitakata grabbed the blade, and it instantly disintegrated.
Kunzite dropped the handle. "Heh heh," he said nervously.
Kitakata threw a punch, and Kunzite was knocked out of commission.
"Let me try to talk him down," said Zoisite.
Zoisite floated up to him.
"Look, Mr. Katatata, this isn't what the fairies would have wanted. Fairies are about peace, and-"
Kitakata threw a punch, knocking Zoisite out of commission.
"You know nothing about fairies!" Kitakata howled.
"Man," said Jadeite. "Where's that pest Endymion when you need him?"
Kenji and Endymion sat on a fishing boat miles away from the Negaverse.
"Good thing we escaped before things got hairy," said Kenji.
"Yes," agreed Endymion. "Now keep rowing, we're only 5,000 miles from Japan!"
"Looks like it's up to us," said Nephrite.
"Yep," said Jadeite.
Jadeite took off running.
"Hey!" said Nephrite. He took off running too.
Jadeite searched his mind for a way to defeat this beast.
Meanwhile, Kitakata flew straight towards them at lightning speed.
When he got close, Nephrite spun around and fired a Starlight Attack right into his face.
Kitakata was unscathed, and he picked Nephrite up over his head.
"Go on without me!" yelled Nephrite.
Nephrite was ended shortly, but it gave Jadeite just enough time to make it to the cafeteria.
"There's nowhere to run," chuckled Kitakata. "With your demise, I will be reborn as a fairy god, and start the world anew!"
"I've met a lot of whackballs in my day," said Jadeite. "But you're easily in the top three!"
"Thanks," said Kitakata. "I take pride in that."
Jadeite was only feet away from making it to the exit, but he knew the distance between them was too small.
"Goodbye, world," said Jadeite.
He shot lightning out of his palms, but Kitakata batted it away.
"I call forth the power of the fairies!" howled Kitakata. "Any last words?!"
"No," said Jadeite. "I've said all that needs to be said."
He sat down on the ground and awaited his demise.
But that's when Grandpa flew in out of nowhere, and threw a kick right to Kitakata's stomach.
Jadeite was smart, and escaped during the combat. He dashed into the kitchen to hide.
He watched as Grandpa threw many blows at Kitakata's throat, and then did a backflip, landing on the ground.
Kitakata was in a great sweat, as he already used a portion of his energy finishing off the Shitennou.
But he wasn't out yet. He disappeared suddenly, and then Grandpa was launched across the café.
Grandpa landed on his feet and threw an energy attack at the beast, but Kitakata tanked it, and came in for another blow.
Jadeite was soon unable to see what was going on, as the combat was occurring at light speed.
"I have one shot at this!" said Jadeite, taking out a slingshot.
Suddenly, Grandpa was spiked to the ground, and had spirals in his eyes like a defeated Pokemon.
"NOOOOOW!" yelled Jadeite, taking the opening.
He fired a cheeseburger, and it hit Kitakata dead on.
Kitakata melted to dust. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!" he cried.
"Woah," said Jadeite. "GG. Since everyone is dead, I'm now top Shitennou!"
"Sorry," said Kunzite, crawling out of the rubble. "I survived within an inch of my life. Unfortunately, the same can't be said for Zoisite."
"Drat," said Jadeite. "Oh well, I'll take second best any day."
FIN
