Author's Note: Please excuse any grammatical errors. I sometimes miss them when reading back through upon posting of a chapter.
Chapter Eight
Severed
Rey landed on the unforgiving ground, hard. She grimaced and at rubbed at the offending area with a rising irritation. This was becoming the norm for her. Ignoring a rock that had jabbed into her left calf, she rose slowly to her feet and looked around. She didn't recognize where she was, it was foggy with little to no other sounds. Tall walls of jagged glossy rock rose all around her. It would have been beautiful, if it hadn't been so terrifying. Her very soul was caught between the world of the living and the dead. She had to assume that at some point that link would weaken, and she would be completely dead.
"Hello?" She wasn't sure if she hoped that someone would answer or not. But all she got was more silence. Closing her eyes, Rey tried to grasp at the tenuous bond between her and Ben; there was nothing there. No echoes of that connection, which had been overwhelming in its power, filtered along her side of the Force. That lack of familiarity sent a wave of fear rolling through her.
Sinking down, Rey hugged her knees to her chest and waited. She was very good at waiting. Most of her life had been learning to wait and making the most of the situations she would find herself in. Her thoughts drifted to the tall son of the legendary Solos. He made her feel not so alone in this vast galaxy they all lived in. But more than that, he had given her the hope of something she'd never thought she'd find, a future…with someone else.
It was only a matter of time before she was drawn back into the ongoing fight between light and dark; in the meantime, she would just have to bide her time. Her heart ached when her thoughts again turned to Ben Solo. He was suffering, of that she was sure. And it wasn't just the emotional hell that she'd felt through their bond, before it had been cut off. No, Ben was suffering physically. His body was being damaged by something that was also severing his ability to use the Force. Rey sighed, he'd done so many things wrong, made so many bad choices that she wondered if he'd ever accept the fact that he'd been manipulated and seduced by powers so evil and dark that they couldn't seem to die.
The floating image of her paternal grandfather flitted past her conscious mind and she grimaced. Palpatine, he was her own special brand of torment. Rey had clearly seen what he offered, and with Ben's help she'd denied him that future. Now she was alone; except it was worse this time, because Rey had had someone to share this burden with. Even if he hadn't been on the same side, she and Ben had found a way to alleviate the terrible loneliness they'd both grown up with, together.
Their lives had been so different. They were both descended from powerful bloodlines with limitless potential, but how they had come into their powers; that was the stuff of legends.
Ben had had parents that had given him everything the galaxy could afford, but they hadn't given him what he needed most, unconditional love and emotional support. While her parents had left alone, with no idea of why they'd abandoned her to the harsh deserts of Jakku. And yet they sought the same thing, acceptance, belonging and love. When their bond had begun manifesting, it had scared her. Why? What was there between her and the leader of the First Order that allowed them to traverse the limits of the galaxy with a single thought. She'd thought she was going mad when she'd awoken to find him sitting with a bored expression on his damaged face. The medical stiches were being flicked away by something she couldn't see, a droid most likely. But his expression had been one of boredom, not pain.
And that second time, when he'd interrupted her wonderment at the amount of water on the planet of Ach-Too. For the first time, Rey saw the flickering of some deep-seated emotion that she didn't yet recognize. He'd looked hurt when she reinforced her opinion that he was nothing but a monster. There had been a sincerity outline in sadness reflecting in his dark eyes when he'd admitted that, 'yes, he was'. For the first time since the whole crazy adventure had begun, Rey felt doubt about their enemy.
Wrapping her arms more tightly, she continued down this road to the past.
"I'd rather not do this now." She said in a tight voice. Darkness had fallen over the island, making the path back to her hut treacherous if she wasn't vigilant.
"Yeah, me too." There was a resignation in his voice that told her was telling the truth. Kylo Ren wasn't any happier about these impromptu 'chats' than she was.
"Why did you—" She began to voice the single question she'd longed to ask him since that horrible night on Starkiller. Her words froze as she turned to look in his direction.
He was standing with his back to her. He'd obviously just finished something as he was either dressing or removing his clothing. Without his black tunic and cape, Ren was just a man. He was muscular, which she would fully expect from a person who lived life among the fighting elite. His skin was pale, like it never saw enough of the sun. Which she also would expect. Kylo lived aboard a cruiser, he would only set foot on planets when he was ordered to. It's not like the First Order offered vacation packages.
Her mouth went dry as he turned to face her. He wasn't embarrassed, nor was he particularly happy to see her at the moment. Her eyes travelled along his frame and she pressed her lips together when they landed on the scars that littered his body. Several of them she recognized, the hole in his left shoulder when she'd stabbed him, the long, ragged scar that ran from above his right eye to just below his right collarbone, and of course the jagged hole left by Chewie's bolt blaster.
But there was more there as she stared at him. Kylo wasn't used to being vulnerable in front of other people and standing before her with nothing but a pair of black trousers was the epidemy of vulnerable.
"Do you have something, a cowl or something you could put on?" She'd asked while trying to mask her own emotional reaction to his state undress. Instead of responding he'd stood there tall and still, facing her down like any other enemy. She could feel his unease trickling along their bond, which meant he could feel her physical reaction to him as well.
"Why did you hate your father, give me an honest answer?" She paused, gathering her thoughts as her own emotions boiled inside her. "You had a father who love you. Who gave a damn about you.—"
He started forward at a slow pace, closing the distance between them. "I didn't have him." He answered softly. His expression was open and there was no hint of deception in those dark eyes. He wasn't angry or enraged by her question, which she'd fully expected. Talking to this calm version of Kylo Ren was throwing her off balance.
"Then why?" She ground past her tears.
He tilted her head, "Why what? Why what, say it."
She pulled in a ragged breath, "Why did you kill him? I don't understand."
"No. Your parents threw you away like garbage."
Rey's face pinched with denial. "They didn't."
He pressed on. "They did. But you can't stop needed them…"
Their conversation had gone on and he'd eventually revealed why he'd turned on Luke Skywalker and Rey had seen nothing but truth in his eyes. He truly believed that his family, all of them, had abandoned him because they were scared of who and what he 'might' become. They'd never looked past his conflict to see the terrified boy hiding inside, waiting for someone to Light the way out of his own fears.
All of them had helped turn him into the killer he eventually became. But not before that night. Ben hadn't killed anyone; it had been Luke's act that sealed Ben Solo's fate. At least that's what everyone had believed, except his mother. Leia had believed he could be saved, unbeknownst to her at the time, she had sacrificed her husband on the alter of that belief.
Recalling that devastating moment when Han had died, Rey felt her stomach contract painfully. She'd been so lost in her own grief that she hadn't really looked at the man that had actually killed him. Allowing her mind to slip into the past she watched the scene with new understanding.
It wasn't any easier the second time; watching Kylo Ren strike down his father was tragically painful. But this time Rey tried to focus on Kylo's expression and inner turmoil rather than the shocked disbelieving expression on Han Solo's face. None of them had expected the son to strike down the father, but he had. And yet the moment he had; Rey felt his regret and the splitting of his soul. The act hadn't had the results he'd anticipated. The young dark apprentice had truly believed that striking down his father would end his tormented pain between the light and the dark sides of the Force. Instead he found his soul cleaved in half.
He watched his father with those haunted eyes as Han had lifted his hand, laying It gently against his cheek. Rey experienced the exact moment that Ren understood what the gesture meant; his eyes hardened as he tried to bury his own pain and waited for the smuggler to succumb to the mortal wound. Han had forgiven his son for the act before he'd even fully comprehended what his own death would mean. Kylo Ren had understood, that even had his father known the outcome he still would've paid the price to touch his son one last time.
If she hadn't been staring so intently into those dark shadowed eyes, Rey never would've seen it; that tiny, but significant, flash of pure Ben Solo.
So, you weren't really gone. Not even then. She realized with a sickening clarity what that moment must've been like for him and her heart broke in tiny shattered pieces. Ben had sought a place where he could belong, without the fear, and it had cost him everything. Oh Ben…I'm so sorry.
XXXX
Ben lay against the large bulkhead, his body writhing with unseen pain and his mind stretched so thin he wondered how it hadn't snapped. He didn't know how many deaths he'd relived only that it had seemed endless. He'd forgotten just how many lifeforms had fallen under his red saber; he'd been cruelly reminded. The only comfort had been the fleeting memory of Rey in his arms; the way she'd felt when she hugged him back had been, he couldn't even find a word to describe it. It didn't even matter that it had all happened inside his own head. Hadn't it?
He didn't know why he was back. But he was definitely not inside his head at the moment. The pulsing pain was far too real. Ben recognized the grimy gray wall of a resistance cell, one he'd likely been thrown into when he'd arrived. With great effort, he tried to shift into a seated position to alleviate some of his discomfort; instantly he regretted the attempt. It felt as though someone was shoving an ice pick through his eye and straight into his brain. He groaned and tried to turn over. Small things were bothering him, and they grounded him in this reality at the same time.
A tiny stick was poking into his left ankle at an odd and strangely irritating angle. His right knee hurt badly enough he wasn't sure if he could do more than limp on the thing. Fighting would be next to impossible in his current condition.
Voices outside his door stopped his self-assessment. Flipping around, Ben tried to settle against the metal wall. It was cold. He was cold. He didn't know what was coming for him, but a part of him hoped it was Finn. The ex-stormtrooper at least had some Force-sensitivity and he seemed to believe that Ben really had a connection with Rey; one that was grounded in something real and honest.
For once Ben wasn't disappointed. Finn stepped through the narrow door, a blaster hanging at his side and an expression of intense focus on his young face. He'd changed into dark brown trousers and light tan leather jacket. It resembled the one that he'd worn when Kylo Ren had toyed with him outside of Starkiller base. That had been the first time that Ben had really engaged with the man formally known as FN 2187.
The searing agony of a plasma blade slicing along his lower back and up to his shoulder blade overwhelmed his sense of reality. The determination and fear inside the young man attempting to protect his unconscious friend was obvious and potent. But the fear that he could fail was tainting everything in a way that made it difficult to focus. Ben felt the anger writhing inside the renegade stormtrooper and his intense desire to be the person Rey thought he was.
His dark eyes lifted to where she lay unconscious; her body sprawled out in the snow from the uncontrolled impact with the tree above her. Remorse coiled in his gut at the sight of her. Ben knew she wasn't dead, but that didn't make his actions any more palatable. He'd hurt her. He'd done it on purpose, and he would do it again. This was not the person he'd wanted be when he was younger, and this 'scavenger' had touched something inside him that should be dead…but it wasn't.
For the hundredth time, Ben hated the person he'd chosen to be. Perhaps he could have had something long-term with her had he been worthy; in time he might've been able to do that? He'd seen her hatred, her fear and her hope that she could save her friends. Those emotions had been at the forefront of her mind when he'd tried to rip the droid's location from her head.
At first, she hadn't seemed to be anything particularly special, but the more he tried to force her to reveal that knowledge, the more she'd fought. Her mind had clouded and then closed to him. Benn hadn't realized it at the time, but she'd found that hidden link between them and, even untrained, had used it to gain access to his innermost thoughts.
He'd been trained by the best and yet he hadn't felt it when she'd slipped past his guarded mind and retrieved a fear, he'd never voiced to anyone, living or dead. It was in that moment that he'd realized that moment that he'd been lost to her. Ben hadn't known that until she'd left him stranded on that desolate moon in the Endor system. Rey was his equal and opposite in every single way that mattered. And to say that they simply 'balanced' one another was to say that what they shared was common. It wasn't.
But the Force had seen fit to separate them and release something into the galaxy that hadn't been seen in thousands of years.
A small orange alien followed just behind Finn and the former supreme leader found himself the recipient of an ancient once-over. The large glass objects that had been resting against the temples were maneuvered down into place; making those hazy brown eyes three times larger. But it was the wisdom and speculation reflecting out of those eyes that make his swallow uncomfortably. He wasn't comfortable with whatever was about to happen.
"Finn." Ben said evenly. His eyes flickering back and forth between his two visitors. A jab of electricity behind his eyes had him furrowing his brows at the unexpected pain. He curled in on himself without meaning to, his visitors remained silent.
"Kyl—"
"Don't call me that." It wasn't angry or rude, just resigned and pained.
Finn watched him struggle for several minutes before finally speaking. "I don't know what to call you." He admitted.
It shouldn't have surprised him that no one thought he could be anything but Kylo Ren, but he had found himself believing that they might. His shoulders slumped, "Ben. Call me Ben."
"Not Kylo Ren?" The small alien asked skeptically.
Finn's nostrils flared with the sheer mental energy it was taking to not to turn and walk out the door, leaving Ben to the darkest intensions of less forgiving resistance members. But that wasn't what Rey wanted, so unfortunately that meant it wasn't an option. While he loved Rey will all his heart, he didn't understand her insistence on this. Ren, or Ben, whatever he was calling himself now, had done terrible things.
"Not anymore." His brown eyes shifted to the small alien standing at his side. There was a power and a light that seemed to radiate from her. It wasn't the Force, but it also wasn't that far off.
"Maz Kinyatta." Her face didn't soften, but she wasn't any more hostile toward him either, so Ben would take that as a small win. "Finn tells me you're suffering from Force-induced seizures?"
Ben snorted, then immediately regretted the act when his head exploded with an unrelenting pain. Clenching his teeth together, he ground out. "If that's…what you want…to call them." His body shook with the intensity of the agony raging inside him.
Her eyes narrowed and she tilted her head, appraising him with a steady look. "What would you call them?" It was apparent to anyone with eyes that she had a theory about what she was seeing, but she wasn't going to say it out loud; not until she knew what Ben thought.
"It's a reckoning." He responded tightly. His eyelids were clenched shut and he was shaking with the effort.
Finn's eyebrows rose at that. "A reckoning? For what?"
Ben's dark eyes shot him a look that told him the older man thought he was an idiot. Another wave of pain stole his breath for several seconds. "Being Kylo Ren." He wheezed out.
Maz inhaled slowly. "An act of the Force?" she theorized to no one in particular.
The pained man nodded. His hands clenching into fists at his sides, beads of sweat starting to roll down his pale skin; his dark curls were plastered to his head.
"Hmmmm…I don't think so." Maz watched carefully as painful episodes continued to wrack Ben's writhing form.
Finn's gaze shifted to her, "Then what or how is this happening?"
Maz shrugged, "I think there is more than we have been told." Her wizened face turned to pin Ben with a look.
Biting through his lower lip to control the pain, he brought his eyes up and looked her in the face for the first time. "We awoke…something. When Rey and I challenged the Emperor, we…unleased something."
"Unleased what?" the former stormtrooper asked warily.
Ben shook his head, "Don't know. But it's angry and I'm an easy target right now." His brown eyes drifted down to the twin bracelets feeding him with a constant supply of Force suppressing drugs. He couldn't protect his own mind, which left them all open to attack. But if this entity managed to trap him inside his own mind, then they would have real trouble on their hands. Ben was a lot of things, but he couldn't function without his mind and the entity had already proven it could lock him away in a never-ending loop of psychic, physical and emotional pain. Was it the Force? He didn't know, but it was possible, so he couldn't rule it out.
"There have been rumors for as long as I can remember that the Sith were not the only ones to use the darkside of the Force; they were simply the most famous." She leaned against the doorway, her fingers tapping at her lower lip as she considered. "It is possible that when Rey sent the dark energy of the Sith back into the Force, it allowed another, older evil, to escape."
Both Ben and Finn watched her with slowly widening eyes. Their combined silence was almost comical. At least it could have been if the situation hadn't been so dire. Ben hated that he could be so easily side-lined by a cosmic entity that they didn't know about or understand. At least with the Sith, the resistance had a fighting chance, but if Maz was right…they were all seriously kriffed.
TBC…
Author's Note: More this weekend. Would love to hear from you, if you're reading along consider leaving a review?
