"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Jadeite, I have urgent news," said Beryl.
"Does it have to do with our plan to take over the world, or is it something silly?" asked Jed.
Beryl frowned. "It doesn't directly have to do with our plan to take over the world, no."
Jadeite tried to flee, but Beryl screeched incoherently and he decided to stick it out.
"What's up, my queen?" he said at last.
"My good pal Galaxia-sama and I have been talking recently," began Beryl.
"Why would she waste her time talking to someone weak like you?" scoffed Jed.
"Watch it," said Beryl. "The fact that I last 46 full episodes is enough to prove my worth. Do you know how many characters can say the same?"
"Any of the Sailors," considered Jed.
"We're talking bad guys here," explained Beryl. "Anyway, Galaxia-sama wants to do an exchange student program with her group of lackeys."
"Oh boy, that's awesome!" said Jed. "I want to meet the new exchange student! Hopefully they will replace that pest Zoisite!"
"Hey now," said Zoisite, who was standing behind Jadeite the whole time.
"Oh, sorry," lied Jadeite. "It's okay, I'll be satisfied with Nephrite or Kunzite leaving."
"Let me stop you there," said Beryl. "Your time with us is coming to a close. You will be an exchange student at Galaxy TV."
"Drat," said Jed. "I'm gonna miss the Negaverse. And especially you, Beryl!"
Beryl was flattered but it was too late to change things. "Goodbye," she said.
"Wait," said Jadeite. "What about my stuff?"
"Not to worry," said Beryl. "You don't have any."
"D'ah," said Jed.
Beryl warped him away, and in his place stood Sailor Tin Nyanko.
"Who are you supposed to be?" asked Kunzite, entering.
"Hi there," said Tin Nyanko. "I'm the exchange student!"
"Don't get chummy with me," said Nephrite, also entering. "We are the elite four! You cannot just become one of us, especially when you're a female and not named after a stone. We will never accept you!"
"I'm named after a metal," said Tin Nyanko.
"Not good enough," said Kunzite.
"Hey now," said Beryl. "You will treat the new Jadeite with respect! Although you never treated the original Jadeite with respect!"
"Hmm," said Nephrite.
Jadeite appeared in a strange room and looked all around nervously.
He looked down suddenly, and then screamed.
Two minutes later he calmed down.
"Wait, I can breathe!" said Jadeite. "It looked like I was in space! Something's wrong here!"
"Greetings," said Galaxia. "Welcome to my crew."
"Woah, hold on," said Jadeite. "What is this?!"
"What is what?" asked Galaxia.
"This… this floor! If you can call it that! How am I standing on space itself?! Is this some kind of illusion or goofy wallpaper?!"
"Actually," said Galaxia.
But Jadeite continued. "This is wonky stuff, I tell ya! This has got to be some computer screen or something! But on the floor too?!"
"Settle down," said Galaxia.
"How do you live like this?!" cried Jed. "You must get some kind of headaches if you sit in here too long. It's just too much moving at once! I'm kind of getting light-headed."
Galaxia struck Jed across the face without even moving.
Jadeite gasped. "Hey, watch it! You can't do that!"
"Actually I can," said Galaxia. "It's in your job description."
"I never signed up for this!" argued Jed. "I'm going home."
He went to leave into the abyss of space but bumped into a wall.
"I knew this was just a screen!" he howled.
"Get back here!" barked Galaxia.
Jadeite reluctantly walked over. "Can you point me towards the exit?" he asked.
"No," said Galaxia. Suddenly, she shot a bright yellow energy ball straight into him.
Jadeite put his arms up defensively and braced himself, but nothing happened.
"Huh?" said Galaxia.
She tried again. "Where is your Star Seed?!" she demanded.
"What's that?" asked Jed. "Is that like a pure heart or something?"
"No," said Galaxia. "That's something different. Your Star Seed is for the planet that you're the guardian of."
"I don't think I have one of those," explained Jadeite. "I think I'm some kind of rock man. I don't have a dream mirror either, but Zoisite's kind of emotional so he might have one."
"I don't know who that is," said Galaxia. "But put on these gauntlets."
"What are these?" said Jadeite. "Some kind of hideous fashion statement?"
"No," said Galaxia. She left it at that.
"What do I do with these?" continued Jadeite. "And how will I take them off for sleep?"
"You can't, and you never will," explained Galaxia. "Now use them to get me a true Star Seed!"
"Hold up," said Jadeite. "How am I supposed to wash my arms? And how will I know if it's a true Star Seed?"
"You will know," said Galaxia. "Because if it's not, the person will turn into a Phage."
"What?" snickered Jadeite. "A faggy?"
"No," said Galaxia. "Now get a move on!" she said, gesturing Jed to the door.
"Cool, an elevator!" said Jadeite. He walked inside.
"Hey wait, now that I'm a part of your team, does this make me a Sailor?" asked Jed.
But the elevator door closed.
"Time to get to work!" decided Jed.
Sailor Tin Nyanko entered the Nega cafeteria.
"I like it here already," she said. "I haven't been slapped once today!"
She went to sit down with the Shitennou.
"Sorry," said Kunzite. "No girls allowed."
"Hey now," said Tin Nyanko. "What are you, gay?"
"Ye," said Kunzite.
"I'm not," said Nephrite. "But sadly we are a boys-only group. It was foolish for your leader to send you."
"Come on," said Tin Nyanko. "Just let me eat some lunch. There's only one table here!"
"Hmm," said Nephrite. "Maybe if you take off those ridiculous bells. I mean, every time you move, our eardrums are assaulted!"
"My bells are not ridiculous," said Tin Nyanko. "I'm a cat."
"But you look like a human," said Zoisite. "Are you some kind of mutant freak?"
"No, I'm a human in a cat costume," explained Tin Nyanko.
"But you just said you're a cat," said Kunzite. "Which is it?"
Tin Nyanko got mad and fled, and they heard her bells ringing until the sound slowly faded away.
"What a goofy character," said Nephrite.
"Queen Beryl-sama," began Sailor Tin Nyanko. "I seem to have run into some problems."
"What's wrong, Tin Nyanko?" asked Beryl.
"Actually, it's Sailor Tin Nyanko," explained Sailor Tin Nyanko.
"I'm sorry, I can't call you that," said Beryl. "I hate Sailors. And also you don't look like a Sailor. You look like some kind of cat person."
"Well, I'm a Sailor apparently!" said Tin Nyanko. "I don't really remember my past, but I'm sure of it!"
"No," said Beryl. "Sailors have bows and frilly costumes. You look like a cat," she repeated. "And no Sailor would wear those ridiculous bells. They'd be heard a mile away. And I would have known they were coming when they barged into the Negaverse!"
"I'm sorry for your loss," said Tin Nyanko. "But I'm having a crisis! There's no girls' bathroom here!"
"Yes," said Beryl. "The Shitennou are all boys."
"But you're not," said Tin Nyanko.
"I would never use a toilet here," said Beryl. "I'm a queen, I have a private bathroom!"
"Can I use it for a second?" asked Tin Nyanko.
"Sorry, no," said Beryl. "Only queens can use it."
"Please," begged Tin Nyanko. "I've been holding it in all day!"
"Sorry, no," repeated Beryl. "The closest thing we have to a public girls' bathroom is the Youma bathroom, but I wouldn't go in there. It's a real mess."
"Yikes," said Tin Nyanko. "But I am all out of options."
She skittered away.
Sailor Tin Nyanko entered the Youma bathroom cautiously.
The lights were flickering, and there were toilet paper rolls everywhere.
"Spooky," said Tin Nyanko. "I'll make it quick."
She opened a stall door, but suddenly she was charged by a feral Youma.
The horned beast that attacked Nephrite charged Tin Nyanko with all she had, and Tin Nyanko had to put her to rest.
"That was easy," said Tin Nyanko.
But suddenly the rest of the stall doors opened, revealing more feral Youmas.
"Why does this place have so many unsophisticated beasts?!" wondered Tin Nyanko. "I was told that many of them were civilized."
Tin Nyanko killed every Youma in a five mile radius with a single weak punch.
"Queen Galaxia-sama!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"What?" demanded Galaxia. "I thought I sent you out to search for True Star Seeds!"
"I tried that," said Jadeite. "I shot like 20 people with these gauntlets. I'm pretty sure there's tons of Phages just running around wild, but there's nothing I can do."
"Did you just shoot anyone random on the street?" barked Galaxia.
"Uh, yeah," said Jadeite. "There's no better way of going at it!"
"You idiot!" yelled Galaxia. "You should only try famous celebrities and true stars!"
"Why?" asked Jadeite.
"BECAUSE!" yelled Galaxia, after thinking for a moment.
"I'm going to need a more logical explanation than that," said Jadeite.
Galaxia opened her mouth but Jadeite cut her off.
"Oh yeah, I had a strange encounter earlier," began Jadeite. "One of the faggies called himself a Sailor, but he was a man! What's the deal with that? Don't Sailors have to be girls?"
Jadeite was struck again.
"Youch!" said Jadeite. "This is more than I bargained for!"
Jed rubbed his face. "Geez, talk about anger issues."
Just then, Sailor Aluminum Siren and Sailor Lead Crow walked in.
"Oooh mama!" said Jadeite. "No one told me there'd be some lookers here!"
"Who are you?" asked Lead Crow.
"I'm the new recruit," explained Jed. "Hey, aqua girl!"
"Me?" asked Aluminum Siren.
"Yeah, you're the only aqua one," said Jadeite. "The other two are orange."
"Well, I'm not actually aqua," said Siren. "My clothes are aqua."
"Whatever," said Jed. "You should take that hideous thing off your face. You would be a lot prettier."
"Hey," said Lead Crow. "Don't talk to her that way!"
"What are you?" asked Jadeite. "Her girlfriend?"
"No," said Lead Crow. "I'm her rival!"
"Whatever you say," said Jadeite. "But you remind me of two guys I know back home, Nephrite and Zoisite. But those two are definitely gay for each other. And I feel the same thing is happening here."
"Back off!" said Lead Crow. "You're useless! You can't even get a True Star Seed!"
"Oh yeah?" said Jed. "Well, your whole body's orange!"
"Well your hair is stupid!" said Siren.
"No," said Jadeite. "I have a normal guy's hairstyle, in both cut and color. But if you want to see some goofy hair, you should see my co-workers!"
"At least I don't have a goofy outfit," said Lead Crow.
"You totally do!" yelled Jadeite. "And that one with the stupid face thing is even worse! She looked so much better when she posed as a human!"
"How do you know that, creep?!" demanded Aluminum Siren.
"I had a lot of free time when I was supposed to be hunting True Star Seeds," admitted Jadeite.
"What was that?!" said Galaxia.
"Stop ganging up on me!" said Jadeite, opening the elevator. "But seriously though, what is this? There's no way outer-space can be connected to this radio tower! This has gotta be some illusion!"
He rode the elevator downstairs, and knocked over the wood boards blocking it as he exited.
"This is stupid," said Jadeite. "No one else comes in this building. Why do they keep putting those back?"
On his way out of Galaxy TV, he bumped into another one of Galaxia's crew members.
"Hi!" said Sailor Iron Mouse.
"What do you want, dweeb?" said Jadeite.
"Oh," said Iron Mouse. "I just wanted to tell you not to mind if those two bullies pick on you! They used to pick on me too, before you came."
"Get lost, shorty," said Jadeite. He headed out.
"Queen Beryl-sama!" yelled Tin Nyanko. "I found a True Star Seed holder!"
"I don't know what that means," said Beryl. "Any progress on the Silver Crystal?"
"Man," sighed Tin Nyanko. "Everywhere I work I'm just on some wild goose chase. At least I'm not getting struck anymore."
"Well," said Beryl. "I would strike you if I could, but unfortunately all my men are quick on their feet and don't stand still to get struck. Unless they are mortally wounded, like Zoisite that one time."
"I hope I won't be in that situation," said Tin Nyanko. She fled.
In the hallway, she ran into the Shitennou.
"We have a bone to pick with you," said Nephrite.
"Oh?" asked Tin Nyanko.
"Yes," said Zoisite. "Is it true that you are in fact Pikachu?"
"No," said Tin Nyanko. "I am a cat, and Pikachu is a mouse."
"Yeah, yeah," said Kunzite. "We've heard it before. But we know you're Pikachu."
"No," repeated Tin Nyanko. "While we share the same voice actor, my character is in fact completely different!"
"So you have the same voice actor as Pikachu?" continued Nephrite. "Can you say, 'Pika Pika?'"
"I could," said Tin Nyanko. "But I will not."
"Please," said Zoisite. "Just for my ringtone!"
"No," said Tin Nyanko, getting annoyed. "Just look up a YouTube video, or watch any episode of Pokemon."
"You know," said Nephrite. "I kind of hear it! Not when she talks, but when she makes sounds!"
"I kind of hear it too," said Kunzite. "What's it like inside a Pokeball? It looks like it would be cramped, but I imagine that there's a full house in there."
"I would not know," said Tin Nyanko. "As I am not Pikachu."
"How is Satoshi doing?" asked Nephrite. "Are you an Amourshipper, or did you like May better?"
"I don't know those people," said Tin Nyanko. "As I am not Pikachu."
"Can you do an Iron Tail?" asked Zoisite. "You do have a tail, but I think you're some kind of tin man so you might not be able to. Can you do a Tin Tail?"
"Shut up!" yelled Tin Nyanko. "I am not Pikachu!"
"She repeats herself like Pikachu," noted Kunzite.
Tin Nyanko threw a punch at Kunzite, and Kunzite was tossed all the way across the Negaverse.
"Woah, woah!" said Zoisite, visibly shaken. "We were just kidding!"
"Yes!" said Nephrite. "We know that you are not Pikachu, we were just joking around."
Just then Nephrite threw a punch, but it was reflected off her tin-like skin.
"YOUUCH!" yelled Nephrite. "It's almost like you're from season 5 or something, and can tank Sailor Moon and Seiya's attack!"
"Who's Seiya?" asked Zoisite.
"An unlikeable character," said Nephrite. "Kinda like MEEE!" he howled, throwing a kick.
Tin Nyanko caught his foot, and with a single flick of the wrist, Nephrite was tossed into a whirlwind of pain.
Zoisite headed for the hills, but Tin Nyanko appeared in front of him and threw a quick chop, ending Zoisite.
Jadeite marched back into Galaxia's throne room.
"What is the progress-"
"Let me stop you there," said Jadeite. "I gave up on the whole True Star Seed thing, because these gauntlets are itchy. So I broke them off."
"How did you do that?!" demanded Galaxia.
"I don't know," admitted Jadeite. "It was all a blur, but all I know is I don't have them anymore."
Galaxia tried to strike Jadeite, but he knew it was coming a mile away and side-stepped.
"Nice try, Speedy Gonzalez," said Jadeite. "But you're too predictable."
Galaxia was madder than she'd ever been.
"Speaking of predictable, I know you're never going to stand up," said Jadeite. "I knew a queen like you once, but even she stood up every now and then."
Galaxia was fuming.
"Oh, and another thing," continued Jadeite. "On my way in here, I heard some of your crew members referring to themselves as Animajollies, or something. Is that correct?"
"It's Animamates," corrected Galaxia furiously.
"Animatronics? Aww yuck, you're a FNAF fanboy!" complained Jadeite. "I can't believe it, you're the worst kind of person!"
"I don't know what that is," said Galaxia. "But it's not Animatronics. It's Animamates."
"Amalgamates?" asked Jadeite. "No, don't tell me you're an Undertale fanboy, that's even worse!"
"Wrong," said Galaxia. "That's not worse, it's much better."
"Both fandoms are cancer," said Jadeite.
"You're cancer!" shrieked Galaxia, leaping out of her throne.
"AHHHHH!" cried Jadeite. "Whenever someone like you gets out of their throne, it's bad news! I'm out of here!"
Jed took off on foot, and mashed on the elevator button.
"Hurry up!" he howled.
Galaxia slowly walked towards him, but then the elevator door opened and he hopped in.
"Hey!" shouted Galaxia, picking up speed.
Jadeite slammed the close door button.
The door started to close, and Galaxia threw herself at Jadeite.
But the door closed on her neck and she was no more.
Jadeite howled as her body-less head dropped to the ground.
"This is too much for me!" he cried. "I'm going home!"
He teleported away.
The elevator door opened, and Iron Mouse went to get in.
Then she shrieked at the top of her lungs.
The Shitennou sat in bandages at their table.
Tin Nyanko walked up.
"What do you want?" said Kunzite.
"I want a seat," said Tin Nyanko.
"Fine, go ahead!" said Kunzite angrily. "I hope you're happy!"
Tin Nyanko sat down, and there was an awkward silence.
"Sorry about the beatdown," said Tin Nyanko.
"Too late for that," said Zoisite who was in a body cast.
Tin Nyanko shrugged. "I told you to stop."
"I tried to run," said Zoisite. "You hunted me down like an animal."
"I've never been good with people," admitted Tin Nyanko. "Especially orange ones."
"What'd you call me?" asked Kunzite.
"No, it's something from my past," said Tin Nyanko. "Honestly, I like it a lot better here than at my old job. That Beryl guy is actually pretty mellow."
"Yes," said Zoisite. "She kind of lets us do what we want. Just don't return to her lair in a mortally wounded state, or she'll take advantage of the moment."
"I know," said Tin Nyanko. "She said something about it earlier."
They sat there for a long time, until the Shitennou finally cooled down.
"Hey," said Nephrite. "I've been wondering. What are these bracelet things?"
"Wait, no," said Tin Nyanko.
"They look uncomfortable," said Nephrite. "Here, I'll help you out!"
Tin Nyanko faded from existence.
"Rip," said Zoisite. "I can't believe you killed Pikachu. Does anyone have a revive?"
"Sorry," said Nephrite. "Only a burn heal."
"Tin Nyanko is unable to battle," said Kunzite sadly.
"I'm home!" howled Jadeite, covered in blood for some unknown reason.
"Welcome back, Jadeite!" said Zoisite giddily. "We missed you!"
"Really?" said Jadeite.
"No," said Zoisite.
"Cruel prank," said Jed.
"Heh heh," said Zoisite.
"Jadeite, it was crazy!" said Nephrite. "You missed Pikachu!"
"Pikachu was actually here?!" asked Jadeite.
"Well, no," said Nephrite. "But it was Pikachu's voice actor, which is pretty much the same thing."
"Aww man," said Jed. "I had the perfect Pokeball for the occasion."
FIN
