"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Alright, Jeddo! Lay it on me!" replied Beryl.

"Actually Beryl, an interesting thought just crossed my mind," said Jadeite.

"Huh?" said Beryl. "You better not be trying to get out of telling me your new source of energy!"

"Of course not," said Jadeite. "But you know what's weird? All four of us Shitennou were never seen doing a team fight in the original canon AKA the 90's anime. Not even in the non-canon manga, either!"

"Hmm," said Beryl. "In Sailor Moon Crystal, which is incredibly and above and beyond non-canon, you all were seen almost fighting the Inner Sailors before you got your memories back and were killed by Metalia."

"I'll never understand that," said Jadeite. "Why didn't Metalia kill the Sailors instead?"

"Metalia's an unsophisticated beast," said Beryl. "Unless she's trying to manipulate someone."

"There's this one scene in the Moon Wand's flashback where we were all standing together, but that wasn't much of a fight," said Jadeite. "And I don't even know if we had Negapowers back then."

"You should bring this up to the other Shitennou," said Beryl.

"Good idea," said Jed, fleeing.

Beryl sat there for five minutes.

"Drat!" she realized. "He got out of giving a new source of energy!"


Jadeite called a meeting in the Shitennou meeting room.

"This better be important," said Kunzite.

"Oh it is," said Jadeite. "The four of us need to fight someone together!"

"Who?" asked Kunzite.

"Anyone!" said Jed. "It could even be some feral Youmas for all I care!"

"Sadly teamwork isn't our strong suit," said Nephrite. "And I would rather die than work together with Zoisite."

"Right back at ya," said Zoisite.

"No, listen!" said Jadeite. "Wouldn't it be so cool if we were seen doing a group fight? I don't think Kunzite had even said my name in the anime!"

"Who are you again?" asked Kunzite.

"See, this is what I mean!" exclaimed Jed. "How about we go pick a fight with the Sailor Scouts?"

"No way," said Zoisite. "I got slapped by the Moon Wand once, and it's not an experience I want to repeat."

"I fought all the Sailors once and I almost got hit by the Moon Tiara because I wasn't paying attention," said Nephrite. "Because I was being sabotaged by Mully. And I also forgot that I could stop the tiara in mid-air such as you did before, Jed."

"Amateur mistake," said Jadeite. "Let's fight a single Scout then! How about Sailor Mercury?"

"Too easy," said Kunzite.

"Let's go pick a fight with Beryl," suggested Jadeite.

"Too easy," said Kunzite.

"How about some feral Youmas?"

"I don't want to go roll around in the mud with those feral beasts!" objected Zoisite.

"Come on!" complained Jadeite. "Just pick someone then!"

"Let's fight each other," suggested Nephrite.

"Good idea," said Kunzite. "Me and Zoisite vs. Jadeite and Nephrite."

"Hmm, bad teams," said Nephrite. "How about me and you vs. Jadeite and Zoisite?"

"Don't stick me with him!" said Zoisite. "Jadeite lacks strategic ability! Only a fool would get hit by their own plane!"

"I bet you can't even control planes with your mind!" yelled Jadeite, getting upset.

"Sadly I can't," said Zoisite. "You have stronger stats than me, but I'm smarter."

"You and Jed should fight," suggested Nephrite. "Settle this once and for all."

"Zoisite wouldn't want it to come to that," scoffed Jadeite. "I defeated Tuxedo Mask while Zoisite struggled with a crippled Tuxedo Mask."

"Alright, let's not fight anyone," said Zoisite. "Meeting adjourned."

"You can't adjourn this meeting," said Jadeite. "I started it. We're not fighting each other, because it has to be a group fight!"

"Says who?" demanded Nephrite.

"Me," explained Jadeite. But then he sighed. "Alright, alright, you win. No group fight."

Jadeite walked out the door.

"Hey, while we're in a meeting," began Kunzite. "Let's discuss who left the microwave door open in the lounge. When you do that, the light burns out!"

"Wasn't me," said Nephrite.

Just then, the door swung open.

"AHHHH!" cried Jadeite. "Help me!"

He was being chased by a pack of clay men.

"They're too strong!" said Jadeite. "We must fight them together!"

A clay man got Jadeite in a full nelson and another clay man threw punches at his exposed torso.

"Jadeite," said Zoisite. "We know those are your clay men."

"What?!" cried Jadeite, as he got socked in the chops. "No way!"

Another clay man kicked him in the shin.

"If they were my clay men, why would they be hitting me?"

"I don't know," said Nephrite. "I guess you're really determined."

"Alright fine, they are my clay men. But I can no longer control them!" cried Jed. "We have to work together to take them down!"

"You can deal with that on your own," said Kunzite, leaving.

"What fool loses control of their own clay men?" said Zoisite.

"Good luck," said Nephrite.

Jadeite turned the clay men back to clay. "Oh brother," he sighed.


"So that's the plan!" said Jadeite, to a mysterious figure in a cloak.

"You're paying me to attack your own faction?" asked Wiseman in disbelief. "Well, I do like attacking, so I guess I'll do it."

"Yippee!" said Jadeite.

Him and Wiseman teleported to the North Pole.

"Should I start now?" asked Wiseman.

"Yes," said Jadeite. "And whatever I say, don't back down!"

"Sure thing!" agreed Wiseman, throwing an energy blast at Jadeite.

Jadeite was launched into the Negaverse.

"HEEEEELP!" yelled Jadeite. "I'm being attacked!"

Wiseman was hot on his tail, throwing kicks and jabs with his cloak.

But to Jadeite's surprise, no one was around, not even Beryl.

"HEEEEEEELP!" he cried running towards the soda machine. But no Nephrite.

"What gives?!" cried Jadeite. "Alright Wiseman, it's a no go."

But Wiseman, following orders, did not back down.

He backhanded Jadeite across the Negaverse.

Jadeite picked up the pace, but Wiseman was in front of him.

Jadeite slid under his cloak and saw terrible things, then kept running.

"HEEEEEEEEEELP!" he howled.

He ran up to Kunzite's castle and started kicking the door.

"LET ME IN! AND HEEEEELP!"

Zoisite walked over and looked through the peephole.

"Jadeite, who's that creature with you?" he asked.

"A fiend!" cried Jed. "Let me in!"

"I don't think I want that creature coming in here," said Zoisite. "Let me get Kunzite."

Wiseman slammed Jadeite against the door and threw a leaping robe kick.

Kunzite looked out the peephole. All he saw was Jadeite's face.

"Is this some kind of prank?" asked Kunzite. "Don't come by here anymore, Jadeite."

Jadeite, out of options, threw himself in the abyss to escape the beatdown.

Wiseman leapt down too, but his robe caught wind and he was flown far away.


"Why do I keep going to these meetings?" asked Nephrite out loud, walking into a meeting Jadeite called.

Kunzite and Zoisite came in as well.

Next to Jadeite, they spotted some sort of animal.

"What is that, Jadeite?" asked Kunzite.

"This is Grandpa's Youma form, Jiji," explained Jed.

"GG?"

"No, Jiji."

"That's what I just said," said Nephrite. "How are you spelling it?"

Suddenly the door slammed shut and locked itself.

Jadeite threw a punch at Jiji, and his google eyes lit up with fury.

"He's lost all control!" shouted Jadeite, getting excited.

"No!" said Kunzite.

"Don't worry," said Jadeite. "I'll throw the first blow!"

He shot lightning out of his palms, tossing Jiji across the room.

But Jiji got up, and he was angry. He threw a backhand, crippling Zoisite, and then drop-kicked Nephrite.

"YEEHAW!" yelled Jadeite, hopping on the creature's back and riding him like a bull.

"Kunzite, throw a punch!" called Jadeite.

Kunzite swung his foot at the beast, but it caught his leg in its mouth.

"What the hell?" said Jadeite. "Why would you not throw an energy attack, Kunzite?!"

That's when the beast jumped up, tossing Jed into the ceiling.

Kunzite finally got his foot free, but then the beast leapt out a window and into the abyss.

"NO!" cried Jadeite. "Come back!"

"Well, you got your stupid group fight," said Nephrite. "I hope you're happy now."

"NOOO!" said Jadeite. "That didn't count! Zoisite got taken out in one blow, and you never got back up! And Kunzite didn't even throw a good attack, he tried to throw a kick for some reason!"

"Honestly," said Kunzite. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"You people are terrible!" shouted Jadeite.

He stormed off.


The Shitennou each got calls on their phones.

"Guys, report to the cafeteria at once!" said Jadeite. "There's uh… free food!"

"Let's go!" said Kunzite.

"Noooo!" said Zoisite. "He's clearly trying to get us to fight some beast!"

"Oh yeah, you're right," said Kunzite. He spoke into his phone. "Sorry Jadeite, we can't make it at the time."

Zoisite's phone started ringing.

"I'm not coming over, you stupid freak!" yelled Zoisite, hanging up.

That's when the phone rang again.

"I said-" began Zoisite.

"Who are you calling a stupid freak?" demanded Beryl.

All the color drained from Zoisite's face. "Uh, wait, it was all-"

Beryl hung up.

"I'm in deep trouble," said Zoisite.

His phone rang again.

"Your majesty!" he answered.

"Hey, come down to the cafeteria at once!" said Jadeite. "There's free food!"

Zoisite threw his phone to the floor.


Jadeite waited in the cafeteria with Pharaoh 90 on a leash.

"Why won't anyone come?" wondered Jadeite.

After 30 more minutes, he got up.

"Sorry, big guy. They're not coming."

Pharaoh 90 let out a grunt and fled.


"Sometimes it just feels like no one understands me," said Metalia.

"There, there," said Kunzite.

He sat on that little platform, talking to Metalia.

"Do you think we'll ever get the Silver Crystal?" asked Metalia forlornly.

"Probably," said Kunzite.

"I wanna get my revenge!" shouted Metalia, getting heated.

"Hang in there," said Kunzite.

Suddenly, Jadeite ran in and drop-kicked Metalia, and she let out a roar.

Jadeite did a backflip and landed next to Kunzite. "Get ready for an all-out battle royale!" said Jadeite, getting in his battle stance.

"What are you doing?!" demanded Kunzite. "Metalia is in no condition to fight! She only has 10% of her true power, and you just delivered a devastating blow to her pod!"

"AAACK!" shrieked Metalia, in inhuman pain. "Put me out of my misery!"

"Sadly that won't do," said Jadeite. "But you should go fuse with Beryl. Meanwhile, I'll call the other Shitennou."

With her last ounce of strength, Metalia shot a lightning beam at Jadeite.

"You missed," said Jadeite sadly.

Metalia died of natural causes.

"No!" said Kunzite. "Queen Beryl's not gonna like this!"

"D'ah," said Jadeite.

Nephrite and Zoisite came in.

"What's the emergency?" asked Zoisite.

"You're too late," said Jadeite sadly. "Metalia's no longer with us! She's in another dimension."

"What dimension?" asked Nephrite.

"Hell," explained Jadeite.

Nephrite and Zoisite shrugged, and then left.


The four Shitennou stood before Beryl.

"Can someone explain to me," began Beryl. "Why you KILLED Metalia?!"

"I'm sorry, m'queen," said Jadeite. "It was a big mishap."

"Jadeite," said Beryl. "You have to give up on this plan to do a group fight! It just won't work!"

"You could easily make it work!" said Jadeite. "Just fire that attack that killed Zoisite to get things started!"

"No way," said Beryl. "I'm not fighting Kunzite and Nephrite."

"Are you kidding me?!" yelled Jadeite. "What is this, Australian rules?!"

Suddenly a Youma rushed in.

"Nice try," said Kunzite. "But you can take down this feral beast alone."

"Hey now," said the Youma. "I'm actually here with a message from some of the rogue Youmas that live near one of the portals to Earth."

"We have portals to Earth?" said Beryl. "Who made those!?"

"Anyway," said the Youma. "Apparently all five Sailors have marched in with their cats. They are heading right for your throne room."

"Whaaaaaaaaaaat?!" exclaimed Beryl. "Where's that crowd of Youmas that form a barrier around me?!"

"Sadly," said the Youma. "You gave us the day off."

"NO!" yelled Beryl. "Shitennou, this is an emergency! You all must head down there and fight the Sailors."

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" cheered Jadeite.

"Do we have to?" complained Zoisite.

"Yes," said Beryl.

"Ugh, fine," said Zoisite. "Let's go boys."

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" repeated Jadeite.

"We're getting raided, this is no time to be giddy!" scolded Kunzite.

"Heh heh," said Jadeite.

They met the Sailors in the hall, and the Shitennou got in their battle stances.

"Are you gonna stand there, or are you gonna fight?" yelled Kunzite. "Nothing stands in the way of the great and mighty Negaforce!"

"What he said!" said Zoisite.

"I won't let you keep doing evil!" said Sailor Moon, as she, the other Scouts, and the cats got in their battle stances.

"Heh heh," said Jadeite. "Dreams really do come true."

Suddenly a mental wave washed over the Shitennou and they remembered their pasts.

"What the heck?" said Nephrite. "Well, we're still going to end you!"

Kunzite pulled out his boomerangs, and Nephrite started chanting a spell.

Zoisite started inching back, but readied a crystal behind Sailor Mercury.

Jadeite charged up some lightning in his hands.

That's when Metalia swooped in and ended all four of them, creating a large crater.

Metalia turned to the Sailors.

"Queen Beryl is that way," she pointed.

Metalia fled back to her quarters.

"That was odd," said Sailor Moon.

FIN