"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Ok," said Beryl without any emotion.
Jadeite waited, and then he continued. "In Japan, there is a popular form of media called anime. The people seem to invest immense amounts of time watching this so-called anime, along with collecting shounen manga."
"I see," said Beryl.
"Yes," continued Jadeite. "And I have taken it upon myself to study this 'anime,' by watching the best shows that it has to offer."
Nephrite and Co. couldn't help but interrupt.
"Oh really?" said Nephrite, stepping out of the large pack of Youmas. "I doubt your taste in anime is a good one."
"That's where you're wrong," said Jadeite. "I studied polls on the internet of most-watched anime for ages 10-12, so I think I know what I'm talking about."
"You probably haven't watched an anime in your life," said Kunzite. "You only think you have."
"Oh yeah?" said Jadeite, getting angry. "Well, I was talking to Beryl, so how about you mind your own business."
Jadeite turned back to Beryl but the others stood behind him.
"Queen Beryl," continued Jadeite. "I started my anime journey with the best anime ever, SAO."
Suddenly the other Shitennou broke into a loud guffaw.
"Sword Art Online?!" asked Zoisite, crying from laughter. "So you're saying you don't watch anime."
"What are you talking about?" said Jadeite. "SAO is an anime!"
"No," said Nephrite. "I think that's a cartoon."
"It was animated in Japan, it's an anime!" yelled Jadeite.
"Pokemon is more of an anime than SAO," said Kunzite. "And Pokemon is a cartoon."
"Actually," said Nephrite. "Pokemon is in fact an anime. However the same isn't true about SAO."
"You guys are crazy!" said Jadeite. "SAO is the best! If you don't think so, you must not have watched the entire thing!"
"I've read all the light novels," said Nephrite. "Bad show."
Jadeite was in shock. "Next you're going to say Tokyo Ghoul isn't an anime!"
"Tokyo Ghoul isn't an anime," said Kunzite. "It's just a show young kids who don't watch anime watch."
"It's for teenagers and adults!" cried Jadeite. "And it also has the best OP ever! I don't have to defend Tokyo Ghoul to you!"
"Wait," said Zoisite. "Let me guess. You watch Attack on Titan."
"No," lied Jadeite.
"Sad," said Zoisite. "How about One Piece?"
"One Piece is the best!" blurted out Jadeite before he could stop himself.
"Fake anime fans are the worst," said Nephrite. "An anime isn't an anime unless it has harem and ecchi. And lots of fan service. Which all your shows lack!"
"Well," said Kunzite. "I don't think it would necessarily have to have harem…"
"I hate those kinds of animes," said Zoisite. "It's the same plot over and over. Also I'm gay."
"Exactly," said Nephrite. "You wouldn't understand."
"I like tear-jerker animes like Clannad," said Zoisite.
"The only thing sad about Clannad is how bad it is," said Nephrite.
"What?!" cried Zoisite. "I bet you never watched it! I cried for ten years after I finished it! Right Kunzite?"
"He did cry for ten years," said Kunzite. "However I prefer the horror category with terrifying shows like Corpse Party and Another."
"Those aren't scary," said Nephrite sadly. "Those are a jokefest! I couldn't stop laughing when that girl got thrown into a wall!"
"You're just trying to sound cool," said Kunzite. "I bet you couldn't watch all of Corpse Party at 3AM!"
"I played all of Corpse Party at 3AM," replied Nephrite.
Kunzite was in awe. "Some guts you have, young man."
"Can you talk about this somewhere else? I'm trying to get Queen Beryl to watch SAO here," said Jadeite.
"You know what's even sadder than Clannad?" said Zoisite. "Angel Beats. So sad."
"I laughed during that one too," said Nephrite. "I let out a good chuckle at how hastily put together it was."
"Take that back!" cried Zoisite, getting upset.
"My favorite anime is actually Steven Universe," admitted Kunzite.
"Not an anime," said Nephrite. "And the fanbase is CAAAAANCEEEER!"
"Wrong," said Kunzite. "It's more of an anime than SAO!"
"Leave me alone," said Jadeite. "It's a good show."
"Yes, for a 12-year-old," said Zoisite. "Now Nephrite, let's get back to how you're incapable of feeling emotion!"
"Nope," said Nephrite. "The only thing sad about Angel Beats was when they tried to put music in it."
"What?!" yelled Zoisite. "I downloaded the OST and I listen to it every other weekend!"
"Guys, guys," said Queen Beryl. "The only good anime is Toradora."
Even Jadeite laughed at this one.
"Bad show," the Shitennou unanimously agreed.
"What is this?!" said Beryl. "Are you being sarcastic? It's not funny."
"I'm sorry m'queen," said Kunzite. "But Toradora is bad. Is it the first show you've ever watched?"
"No-," began Beryl, but then she frowned. "Maybe. But that doesn't mean anything."
Nephrite pulled out a pen and a notepad and wrote up a prescription for Beryl for 3 seasons of High School DxD.
He handed it to her.
"You're welcome," he said.
"Nephrite," said Beryl. "I'm not a lesbian."
"That's okay," said Nephrite. "People only watch High School DxD for the plot."
"Terrible show," said Zoisite. "Too many women. No plot."
"Good fight scenes though," said Kunzite.
"You guys really think I should watch it?" asked Beryl. "I don't have that much free time, so…"
"Don't listen to them," said Jadeite. "Watch SAO! It's not for little American boys, I promise!"
"Why would little American boys watch it?" asked Beryl.
"Because it's not an anime," said the Shitennou in unison.
"Check your dictionaries!" shouted Jadeite. "I'm leaving."
Jadeite stormed off.
"Wait!" called Zoisite but he was gone.
"D'ah," said Zoisite. "I was gonna ask him if he watches Hero Academia."
Jadeite stood in the animation studio he had taken over.
He was wearing Japanese glasses and a visor.
"Keep up the good work, everyone," he said.
That's when Melvin walked in.
"Why'd you call me here?" asked Melvin.
"Ah, Melvin my boy!" said Jadeite. "You're a hormonal teenager! If you were to watch an anime, what would it be?"
"A harem/ecchi of course," said Melvin. "Is that even a question? I have every single manga and light novel for every single harem/ecchi ever made. Even obscure ones! I have two rooms in my house dedicated to it."
"Smart boy," said Jadeite. "Thanks for the advice, now scram!"
"Phew," said Melvin. "I thought you were going to make me animate."
"Actually," realized Jadeite. "You're a nerdboy, right?"
Melvin leapt out the window.
"D'ah," said Jadeite.
Suddenly the other Shitennou appeared.
"Jadeite, what are you doing?" asked Nephrite.
"Ah," said Jadeite. "I'm using anime to take people's energy! That's where I was going earlier, but you never let me finish telling my plan."
"I took over an anime studio once," said Nephrite. "But I never thought to make the anime itself drain energy. Very clever."
"What kind of anime are you making?" asked Zoisite.
"A harem/ecchi. I want it to be good like SAO," said Jadeite. "That way everyone will watch it so I will get the max amount of energy."
"No," said Nephrite. "No one watches SAO."
"Yes they do!" laughed Jadeite. "It's top trending on MyAnimeList!"
"That's proof that it's bad," said Kunzite. "Anything that's that popular is probably not that good."
"That doesn't make any sense," said Jadeite.
"You just don't get it, do you boy?" said Nephrite. "SAO is not good."
"Opinion!" argued Jadeite.
"Only non-anime fans watch SAO," said Kunzite. "Just accept it."
"No," said Jadeite. "Many of the biggest anime fans have SAO at the top of their fave list!"
"Then they're not real anime fans!" said Nephrite, getting frustrated.
"Look, Jed," said Zoisite. "You need to come to terms with the truth. Anything on MyAnimeList top 10 is not going to be good. It's the way of the world. It's just like how all little boys like FNAF because they think it's cool, which creates a false image of it being the best thing ever, when in fact it's actually not that good. Same goes for SAO. Idiots say it's good so idiots think it's good."
"I hate to say this, but Zoisite made a good point," said Nephrite.
"I am the smartest," said Zoisite.
"What's your favorite part of SAO, Jadeite?" asked Kunzite.
Jadeite opened his mouth but said nothing. "The ecchi," he finally said.
"So you only like it for the ecchi?" said Nephrite. "But it has no ecchi."
"Wrong," said Jadeite. "At one point Asuna changed clothes. And I assume there are more ecchi scenes for it to get that category."
"Wait a minute," said Zoisite. "What do you mean you assume? Did you not even watch it?"
"Well, no," said Jadeite. "But I saw a vid where Kirito saw Asuna change clothes!"
"No wonder he thinks it's good!" said Nephrite with a wild grin. "He never watched it! He's an example of the average FNAF fanboy! HAHAHAHA!"
"Just let me make my anime!" yelled Jadeite.
"I can't in all good consciousness let you make another terrible show like SAO," said Kunzite. "We will help you, right boys?"
"I don't want your kind of help," said Jadeite.
"Don't worry," said Nephrite. "It will still be your show, but we'll just add some improvements."
"No!" yelled Jadeite. "I don't want help!"
"You want energy, don't you?" said Zoisite. "We'll help you get energy. It's simple."
Jadeite finally gave in and accepted their aid.
The head team sat at a long conference table to begin the script writing for the anime.
"Alright everyone," said Nephrite, stepping up to the hot seat. "We're going to make the best anime on Earth. Now to start off, let me just say one word."
Nephrite pressed a button, turning it to the next slide on the Power Point.
The only thing on the slide was "Fan Service," in huge letters.
"Now some of you might be wondering," said Nephrite. "How do we subtly add fan service? Well, if you're asking that, you have it wrong. I made this chart to demonstrate our fan service to plot ratio."
Nephrite turned the slide, and a pie chart came up.
Motoki raised his hand. "Uh… there's only one color on the pie chart."
"Exactly," said Nephrite. "There will 100% fan service and 0% plot. Any more questions?"
"Shouldn't we have light novels to get the source material from?" asked Kenji.
"We won't have light novels, but we should definitely try to find some source material," said Nephrite. "We don't want another Angel Beats."
Zoisite raised his hand in objection but Nephrite didn't call on him.
"Next point, as for the level of the fan service, I have crafted this ecchi chart. As you can see, at the extreme end is so-called hentai. We want to get as close to that as possible, without ever touching the line. Now on the very left extreme is SAO, which has no ecchi."
Jadeite raised his hand but was not called on.
"I hope we understand why it's important to avoid this," concluded Nephrite. "That is all."
"I have some critique with your strategy," said Zoisite. "I think we should have as little straight male fan service as possible. It sets the demographic to only straight males."
"That is the demographic we are targeting," said Nephrite.
"Well, think about any girls or gay men who would want to watch an anime!" said Zoisite.
"Well, they can go to hell," said Nephrite. "We don't want those kinds of viewers."
"You're unnecessarily limited your audience," said Zoisite. "I think we should make a show like Angel Beats that is for all audiences, and has neutral romance. And also a sad undertone."
"If we want a sad undertone, we wouldn't stick to Angel Beats," said Nephrite. "Very sub-par sadness."
"I can't work with you," said Zoisite. "You won't take any of my suggestions."
"Guys," said Kunzite. "I think we need to make a horror anime. One even scarier than Corpse Party, but not too much scarier!"
"Why do you even watch Corpse Party?" demanded Nephrite. "They go out of their way to make attractive females."
"I don't watch it for that," said Kunzite. "I watch it for the spooks."
"Ride a roller coaster or something," said Nephrite. "You don't need an anime for that."
"If I could intervene," said Jadeite. "Let's make a fighting anime. Like Attack on Titan!"
"You guys are trying to bring us down from every angle," said Nephrite.
"I have an idea," said Grandpa. "Since you boys can't seem to get along, you should divide up the anime. Each of you makes three episodes."
"That would be incredibly disjointed," said Jadeite. "But I like it."
"Who will make the OVA?" asked Kunzite.
"First we need good sales," said Motoki.
"If we do have an OVA, I think we should leave it to Grandpa, Motoki, and Kenji," said Nephrite.
"Let's make an anime about friendship!" said Motoki.
Nephrite killed Motoki.
"He's useless to us," said Nephrite. "We just need a couple characters now, and then we can all make our sections. Any name ideas?"
"Kirito," suggested Jadeite.
"Shut up," said Nephrite.
"Asuna," suggested Jadeite.
"Jadeite," said Nephrite. He said nothing else, but gave Jadeite the look. "Alright, we'll think of the MC's name later. But for now let's just name him MC."
"What does MC stand for?" asked Jadeite.
"Main character," said Nephrite, rolling his eyes.
"Can we have a female main character?" asked Zoisite.
"No," said Nephrite. "We don't want to confuse the audience too much."
"That doesn't make any sense," said Zoisite, but Nephrite had moved on.
"Alright, our first character, the MH," said Nephrite. "The main heroine. She will be a tsundere."
"Now wait a second," said Zoisite. "What if we give her an original personality?"
"Sadly that just won't do," said Nephrite. "Anyway, will the MH be the loli, or will the loli be someone else?"
"Can we not have a loli?" asked Kunzite. "It's kind of awkward."
"Can we have all lolis?" asked Grandpa. "And the boys, too?"
"That doesn't exist," said Nephrite. "And no. I guess the loli will be the second character. The third character will of course be the MC's best friend, who's comic relief, and more likeable than the MC."
"Wait," said Kenji. "Shouldn't all characters be likeable?"
"No," said Nephrite. "Not the MC. He has to be as unlikeable as possible."
"That doesn't make any sense," said Zoisite.
"It's more relatable that way," shrugged Nephrite. "That's it for our male cast, now who else for the harem?"
"Ooh!" said Jadeite. "The idol!"
"That's the first good idea you've had all day," said Nephrite. "We'll think about it."
"The yandere!" volunteered Grandpa.
"Yes!" said Nephrite. "Yes! Yes!"
"And she should call the MC her husband prematurely!" added Grandpa.
"Finally someone is with us!" said Nephrite, catching a gidd. "What else?!"
"I think there's too many girls in this cast," said Zoisite. "Let's add the gay couple."
"Go away, queer," said Nephrite.
"The kuudere!" called Kenji.
"YES!" screamed Nephrite.
"And she should be really flat!" added Grandpa.
"YEEEEES!" screamed Nephrite. "And blue or gray hair, it doesn't matter! It just has to be light-colored!"
"Ok, I came up with a good one," said Zoisite.
"Sorry but the cast is full," said Nephrite. "There will be no other characters, not even side characters or one time characters. Only these people, and maybe a hot sensei who's too sexual with her students."
"But wouldn't that be illegal?" asked Kunzite.
"I think it's legal in Japan," said Nephrite.
"No," said Zoisite. "That's not how it works."
"Everyone complete your three episodes by next month," commanded Nephrite. "We'll split the animating team up into four. Farewell."
Nephrite left.
"Good luck, boys," said Grandpa. "I want to see how this one plays out. But right now I'm thinking Nephrite's arc is going to be the best."
The Shitennou worked long and hard on their sections.
The animators did the best they could with such short notice, and lack of detailed orders.
Luckily, their animating team was very big and they got the work done.
It was the night of the big screening, and everyone showed up in formal garb at the theater.
"I'm excited," said Grandpa.
"Yes," agreed Kenji. "I wonder who did the first arc."
"I swear, if it's Jadeite," said Nephrite.
"Heh heh," said Jadeite. "It appears we went in Shitennou order for this."
"Drat," said Nephrite. "You're going to bore everyone away from the show before it starts."
"Nope," said Jadeite. "Good anime viewers give it to the tenth episode to drop it."
"Honestly," said Nephrite. "I only watch the first 30 seconds, and that's the smartest way to do it."
The doors opened and Queen Beryl walked in.
"I'm here to see what you all have been up to," said Beryl.
"Uh oh," said Nephrite. "Queen Beryl, you should leave and return in 3 episodes. Jadeite's episodes are really going to be a bad introduction to the show."
"Nah," said Beryl. "I need the background."
"Yes!" said Jadeite. "And I have a lot of it! I watched the first episodes of 500 different animes and decided to pick the best way to start ours."
"Oh brother," said Nephrite.
"Quiet everyone," said Kunzite. "It's starting."
The anime began, and the OP was great.
"I wrote it," whispered Melvin.
The anime cracked off with a very intense fight scene.
"Oooh, this is actually good!" said Nephrite.
It lasted for ten minutes straight, but then suddenly it faded to black.
When it faded back in, it was a typical Japanese house.
"Hello," said a voice. "My name is MC. I'm 15 years old,"
"Wait," interrupted Nephrite, pausing the show. "Was that whole scene just a flashback that took place like 100 years before the start of the anime, that no one cares about and will only be referenced once or twice on the tenth episode of the show?"
"Uh, yeah," said Jadeite. "What better way to get someone's attention?"
"No, no, no!" said Nephrite.
The audience let out groans, agreeing with Nephrite.
"Jadeite," said Zoisite. "No one cares about a fight that happened before the start of the anime. If it's necessary, show it once someone actually brings it up instead of just showing us irrelevant junk that stays irrelevant for the majority of the show."
"Hey," argued Jadeite. "Lots of great shows do that. Actually, 1/5 of the 500 episodes I watched did that!"
"They're all stupid," said Nephrite.
"And you're stupid," added Kunzite.
Nephrite un-paused the show.
"Alright everyone, disregard that last 10 minutes until the tenth episode of the show," said Nephrite.
"Actually," said Kunzite. "Since we're all doing different parts, that flashback is never brought up again."
"Wow," said Nephrite. "Then disregard it completely."
"I attend high school here in town," continued the MC, walking to school.
The MC then went on to describe his generic town, and then describe in long detail about how his parents are never around.
"Come on, Jadeite," said Nephrite. "You didn't even have the MC have a cute little sister."
"You said there were no more characters," argued Jadeite.
"Well that would have been the exception," said Nephrite. "I forgot that when we were planning."
The MC continued to talk about some metaphor and say why he agreed or disagreed with it.
Beryl was already sound asleep.
Finally, the MC reached class.
"Alright, good," said Nephrite. "Time for some show."
But that's when the MC started his inner monologue again.
"This is my best friend, MC's best friend. We have known each other for as long as I can remember."
"Come on!" said Nephrite. "I don't care what this MC who I don't know anything about says. Just get to the show!"
But it didn't get to the show, and then the episode ended.
The next episode began, and the MC was still having some monologue.
Zoisite decided to sit outside until it ended.
He poked his head in and said, "Call me when the monologue ends!"
"Rude," said Jadeite.
Kunzite didn't bring in Zoisite until the start of the third episode.
"Alright, here we go!" said Zoisite.
But that's when the MC passed the MH in the hall, and there was a very long scene of them passing by each other.
"Is he going to talk to her?" asked Nephrite.
"Not yet," said Jadeite. "He will run into her again soon enough."
"What do you mean, soon?" asked Nephrite. "My episodes are about to start, and he still hasn't talked to anyone besides the MC's best friend and his mom. All he did was describe his life while it showed people walking down the street that were just randoms."
"You haven't seen a lot of anime, have you?" scoffed Jadeite.
The episode ended, and the MC still had not spoken to the MH.
"Good one," said Nephrite.
"I left it up to you guys to introduce the rest of the characters," explained Jadeite.
"Oh," said Nephrite. "Well I assumed they were already introduced by the FOURTH episode, so I didn't have any introductions."
"Oh," said Jadeite.
"I left it up to you to introduce the cast over THREE episodes, but you just let me down," sighed Nephrite. "Anyway, here are my three episodes."
The next episode of the anime started off with a pan of the MC's house, and it was a completely different house and a completely different animation style.
There was an alarm clock, and the MC hit the alarm clock.
"Oh boy, oh boy!" said the MC, with a different voice actor. "I'm ready for school!"
When he took off his covers, however, the MH was nude in his bed.
"AHHHHH!" yelled the MC. "What is this!? I told you not to come in here!"
"Huh?" asked the MH sleepily. "Oh, good morning MC."
"AHHHH, put some clothes on!" yelled the MC.
Jadeite paused the show.
"What is this?" he demanded. "The MC hasn't even talked to her yet, and in the next episode she's in his bed nude?!"
"Sorry," said Nephrite. "I think it flows pretty well, actually."
Nephrite pushed play and a girl walked in in a maid outfit carrying breakfast.
"Good morning, husband!" said the girl.
"Yandere, what are you doing here?!" screamed the MC.
"Yes!" said the MH in a fit of jealous rage. "Get out!"
But that's when two more girls came in, also in maid outfits.
"Hey, what are you guys doing here?" they all said.
Nephrite started laughing at this own material.
"You can't just write this stuff!" said Nephrite. "This is anime genius!"
"This scene is pointless," said Zoisite. "You could have easily left this out."
"It's world building," said Nephrite.
The rest of Nephrite's episodes continued as one would expect them to.
"AHHH!" screamed the MC in the shower. "How did you get in my house again?"
"You're the pervert looking at me nude!" cried the MH.
"Typical tsundere," said Nephrite to himself.
"No, I wasn't looking!" cried the MC. "I swear, I didn't see anything!"
Nephrite started laughing again.
"This is making me uncomfortable," said Zoisite. "I've never seen such classless material."
"Ah!" cried the loli slipping into someone's bust.
Kunzite covered Zoisite's eyes.
"Don't look," he said.
The next day at school, all the girls lost a bet and confessed their love.
"Wow," said the MC. "Who do I choose?"
Then it rolled into the credits.
"Wow," said Zoisite. "Bad show."
"Yes," said Jadeite. "There were too many panty shots, it was unrealistic. You should stick to a more SAO-based ecchi model."
"Shut up," said Nephrite. "It was perfect and everyone knows it."
Grandpa had passed out at episode 5 from how much his nose was bleeding, and Kenji was trying to keep a straight face.
"I'm gonna… uh… go to the bathroom," said Kenji.
"Well guys, here comes my episodes!" said Zoisite. "It's been a long build-up, but the show's about to get good!"
Episode 7 started.
"Why?" said the MC, standing over the corpses of all four girls in the rain. "NOOOO!" he cried, sobbing for a very long time.
That's when the MC's best friend who had been missing for three episodes walked up behind him.
"It's okay, my boy," he said. "Now we only have each other."
"What is this?!" demanded Nephrite. "Why would you kill the female cast?!"
"Sorry," said Zoisite. "But there had to be some casualties to make this a true tear-jerker."
"Zoisite, you fiend!" yelled Nephrite. "Where will the fan service be now?!"
But when he looked back at the screen, both the MC and his friend had their shirts off.
"How will I get over their losses?" asked the MC.
"Not to worry," said the MC's best friend. "You will just make new friends. Male friends perhaps."
Right on cue, an entire all-male cast came in.
Nephrite paused the show again, and then turned to Zoisite angrily.
"I told you no new characters," said Nephrite.
"I'm sorry," said Zoisite. "But the plot required it."
"There is one problem," continued the MC's best friend. "The disease will wipe out at least three fourths of us, but we don't know who."
The MC started sobbing for the fourth time that episode, and then there was a long shot of tears hitting pavement as sad music played.
"This is all it takes to make a sad show," explained Zoisite. "Very easy," he said wiping his eyes with a tissue.
"I don't wanna lose anyone else!" cried the MC.
But that's when the MC's best friend was shot by a shadow that was never explained.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled the MC. "I… I loved him as more than a friend! And now he's gone!"
The MC pulled out his blade that he got as a child, and then it was implied he killed himself because it would be too disgusting to show.
The last shot of Zoisite's last episode was the MC laying on the ground as the camera panned up and the saddest music yet played.
Nephrite paused it again.
"Zoisite," he said. "What the heck was that? You just made it so the show doesn't make sense anymore, since you killed all the characters and there's three more episodes!"
"Sorry," said Zoisite. "The show would not have had meaning if everyone lived, or if anyone lived."
"That was… pretty good," said Kunzite with a tissue.
"You didn't even cry when I died," said Zoisite. "So this must be really sad."
"Hey," said Kunzite. "I had a lot of off-camera time, you don't know that."
That's when Kunzite's episodes began, and the MC and all the girls were back.
"Kunzite!" said Zoisite. "I told you that I was going to kill all the characters!"
"You told me after I did my three episodes," said Kunzite. "We didn't have the time to fix it."
"Why are we going into this abandoned school?" asked the loli, as if she hadn't died in episode 7.
"We have to," said the MC, and nothing more.
"I'm scared!" said the MH.
"Hang in there," said the MC.
"This dialogue is as good as Kunzite's in the dub," sneered Nephrite.
"Thanks," said Kunzite, missing it.
The cast entered the haunted school.
And that's when there was first-blood.
A girl was stabbed by a ghoul, and there was a very gory scene of her dying.
Zoisite threw up, and Jadeite covered his eyes.
The MC threw a wild punch at the ghost, and for some reason it tossed the ghost.
"I'll be back!" said the ghost. "And you're next, MC!"
"No!" said the MC. "Quick guys, we have to keep going deeper into the school!"
But when the MC turned around, two ghosts were holding the kuudere upside-down.
"Come on!" yelled Nephrite. "You didn't even have a panty shot like in Corpse Party!"
"There wasn't one in the source material," said Kunzite. "That was just pointless fan service they added to the anime!"
That's when the two ghosts flew at top speeds through the wall, causing the girl to collide with the wall and splatter like a bug in a very gory scene.
Zoisite had to leave.
"Don't you want to see how it ends?!" called Kunzite.
"Sorry, I can't," said Zoisite. "I can't take anymore."
"But the scary part's just about to start," said Kunzite.
"That's not scary, it's just gory," said Zoisite. "There's a difference."
He sat back down hesitantly, only to see the MC's best friend hanging from the ceiling.
Suddenly the MC's best friend started jerking.
"AH!" screamed Zoisite and Jadeite.
"HEEELLP… MEEE!" screamed the dying man.
Kenji came back from the bathroom and gasped.
"This is so disturbing," said Nephrite. "Kunzite, what the heck is wrong with you?"
"Finally, he went limp," said Zoisite, finally breathing.
That's when he started jerking again.
"Nooo!" yelled Zoisite. "Just put him out of his misery!"
"Sorry," said Kunzite. "I couldn't in all consciousness allow that."
The episode continued in that manner, and he finally died after 20 minutes."
The next episode began, and Zoisite was crying.
"I was supposed to do the sad one," he said.
"That wasn't sad," said Kunzite. "That was spooky."
"No it wasn't," said Nephrite. "It was just pointless. Throw in some jump scares, why don't you?"
"It's about to be your lucky day," said Kunzite.
The MC and the MH, who were the only ones left, continued down the hall as the floor creaked and spooky music played.
"I know it's coming," said Jadeite, bracing himself.
Nephrite just rolled his eyes.
Suddenly the ghost came out and screamed, and Jadeite and Zoisite screamed along with it.
The ghost pulled the MH's head off, and Nephrite let out a chuckle.
"This isn't half bad," he admitted.
Kunzite reused the animation of the MC punching a ghost, and the ghost falling down.
"Why'd you reuse animation?" asked Nephrite. "We had plenty of time."
"Sorry," said Kunzite. "I needed the gore scenes to be as graphic as possible."
At the end of episode 12, the MC, near death, climbed out of the school.
"I… I escaped," he said.
Nephrite paused the show. "He was the one who made everyone go in! And then he kept making them go deeper in! And now he's happy because he escaped?! Terrible writing, like all of Kunzite's dialogue in the sub AND dub."
"Take that back," demanded Kunzite. "Now, are you gonna stand there, or are you gonna fight!? Nothing stands in the way of the great and mighty Negaforce, HRAAAA!"
Nephrite just shook his head.
The credits rolled, and Kunzite was the only person on the credits.
"What about the animators?" asked Kenji.
"No," said Kunzite.
"Hey," said Nephrite. "I thought you agreed you'd put all of us on the credits!"
"Sorry," said Kunzite. "I just didn't have the budget after that final fight."
"You reused the same scene three times," said Nephrite.
"Wait, there's a scene after the credits," realized Jadeite.
The MC was walking across the street away from the school.
"I'm free!" he yelled.
That's when a car hit him in a jump scare/gory scene combo.
Kunzite stood up and applauded.
"What did you think, Beryl?" he asked.
Beryl was just very confused. "Is this what Earth anime is like?" she asked.
"No," said Zoisite. "My episodes were better than most Earth anime."
"Grandpa still hasn't recovered since my episodes," pointed out Nephrite.
After the anime went public, there was an assortment of reviews, all positive. For some reason, Jadeite's episodes were fan favorites, and single-handedly put their show on the top of the ranking on MyAnimeList.
"Episode 7 was so sad that I cried for a week!" read one comment. "Watch this show but only if you have three boxes of tissues!"
Another one read, "Episode 12 was too spooky! I couldn't sleep for years, and had to go through extensive therapy! Great show!"
A different reviewer wrote, "The second arc from episode 4-6 was pure anime gold. Best thing I ever watched!"
But almost every single comment was talking about how Jadeite's episodes were the best.
"I told you guys I know anime," said Jadeite.
"The human population is stupid," said Nephrite. "And thinks a lot of bad shows are good."
"I can't believe not a single comment asked how the main cast was revived at episode 10," said Zoisite. "Or how the girls died to begin with."
"We are the best," concluded Kunzite.
FIN
