"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Jadeite, I saw this flyer hanging around in the hall," said Beryl. "Explain yourself at once."

"Ah," said Jadeite. "I just recently joined a literature club. It looks like just a fun club, so I hope it's not some kind of psychological horror."

"I sure hope not," said Beryl. "If it was, hopefully there'd be 20 warnings before you start the game. Just to make sure there's no possibility of anyone getting actually surprised by it."

"Don't worry," said Jadeite. "There was."

"Good," said Beryl. "I was thinking of joining, but it sounds too spooky."

"Good choice," said Jadeite. "Farewell."


Jadeite entered the literature club.

"Welcome back," said club president Minako.

"Thanks," said Jed. "What's on the menu today?"

"We're reading our poems," said Ami.

"Drat!" said Jadeite. "I didn't do my homework."

"Don't worry about it," said Minako. "Ami, do you wanna start?"

Jadeite fell asleep as Ami opened her mouth, and didn't wake up until everyone was done reading poems.

"What is your poem?" asked Usagi Tsukino.

"Ah," said Jadeite. "Like I said, I didn't do my homework, but I suppose I can come up with one."

The others waited.

Jadeite stood up. "The life of a flower is short and full of suffering."

Jadeite sat down.

The others clapped.

"That was really deep," said Ami. "It reminds me of my life."

"Woah," said Jed. "That was just gibberish. Not words to live by."

"I wish I didn't have to…" said Ami, trailing off.

"Now that we're done poetry hour, it's time to talk about our Fall Festival plans!" said Minako.

"For a literature club, you don't read many books," said Jadeite. "Can I come in and read Diary of a Wimpy Kid next week?"

"Maybe if we have time after discussing Fall Festival plans," said Minako. "And speaking of which, we need to prepare."

"I won't be able to make it to the festival," said Jadeite.

"Awww, why?" asked Makoto. "We need you to help at our stand!"

"Don't worry," said Jed. "I'll help prepare beforehand."

"Ah, good!" said Usagi. "We'll need all the help we can get!"

"I will volunteer to make cupcakes," offered Makoto.

"Great!" said Minako.

"What flavor?" asked Jed.

"Hmm," said Makoto. "What's your favorite flavor, senpai?"

"No," said Jadeite. "I asked my question first."

"Oh," said Makoto. "I was going to let you pick the flavor."

"Bad idea," said Jadeite. "I don't eat sweets."

"What do you like to eat?" asked Makoto.

"Hmmmmmmmm," thought Jadeite. He left it at that.

Makoto was at a loss.

Ami broke the silence after a minute. "I will help set up decorations! We should put words everywhere, to represent the literature club!"

"Good idea," said Jed. "I can write some words, I suppose."

"Hey," said Makoto. "I thought you were going to help me make cupcakes!"

"Actually," said Usagi. "Jadeite's gonna help me! We're making pamphlets and flyers to hand out at the festival!"

"Hey now, girls," said Jadeite. "There's enough of me to go around."

But the girls kept fighting.

"This is odd," thought Jadeite. "Who are these girls?"

"I know!" said Minako suddenly. "We'll let Jadeite pick! Jadeite, who do you want to help with Fall Festival prep?"

Jadeite thought long and hard. He knew that no matter what response he gave, he'd get three complaints.

"Dating sims are hard," said Jed. "But I guess I choose Makoto."

"Why?" demanded Minako, getting very jealous.

"I don't know," said Jadeite. "Her route has the most potential. And probably the least amount of flags to trigger."

"Go to hell," said Ami, leaving.

Usagi and Minako turned away, but Makoto was in a deep blush.

"I'm glad you picked me," she said.

"Thanks," said Jed.

"I can come over to your place this weekend to make the cupcakes," said Makoto.

"Uh, okay I guess," said Jadeite.


It was the weekend.

Jadeite took Nephrite's house because he figured he'd just be at the soda machine all weekend.

He was right, and there was no conflict.

Makoto showed up at Jed's mansion.

"Big house," she said. "When I was at the bottom of the hill, it said private property."

"Yes," said Jed. "I just put that there to scare off the young ones."

"But you own this whole hill?" asked Makoto.

"Yes," said Jadeite.

"Wow," said Makoto.

"Come inside," said Jed.

They entered the mansion, and went into Nephrite's bedroom.

"Wow, it's very clean," said Makoto. "Not like my ex-crush, Motoki's house."

"Yes," said Jadeite. "Nephrite cleaned before I arrived."

"Who's Nephrite?" asked Makoto.

"My maid," explained Jadeite.

"Hey," said Makoto suddenly. "Do you wanna see my knife?"

"Why do you need a knife for cupcakes?" asked Jadeite.

"I just carry it around," said Makoto. "Do you think that's weird?"

"Yes," said Jadeite. "Very."

"Oh," said Makoto.

They sat on Nephrite's bed awkwardly.

"Uh, I guess I'll take a peek at it," said Jadeite, with nothing else to say.

"Ooh!" said Makoto. She was blushing like a moron, and she pulled out the knife.

Jadeite took it in his hand and examined it.

"This is no butter knife," he stated.

He tapped the point.

"Youch!" he yelled. "This thing is sharp! Really sharp! I could survive gunshots with no damage, but this knife cut right through my finger!"

Makoto put Jadeite's finger in her mouth.

"Uh," said Jadeite. "What are you doing young lady?"

"I'm getting the blood off you," said Makoto.

"Yuck," said Jadeite. "Don't do that. That's how you get AIDS. If I was Zoisite, you'd be finished."

Jadeite didn't know what to do, so he put Makoto's hand in his mouth.

"Mmm," he said awkwardly.

Zoisite teleported in.

"Nephrite," he said. "Are you talking about me?! You better not be!"

Jadeite turned around with Makoto's hand in his mouth.

"Mmh!" he said.

Zoisite stared at them for a good minute.

"I'll let myself out," he said.

Jadeite released Makoto's hand.

"Why did you do that?" said Makoto.

"I didn't know what else to do," said Jadeite. "I'm not used to women. The only woman I know is Queen Beryl, and also those ugly Youmas, but I don't classify them as women. They're mostly beasts."

"Ah," said Makoto.

Jadeite needed a break.

"Uh, I have to go," he said.

"But this is your house," said Makoto.

"Yes," said Jadeite.

He left.

Ten minutes later, he came back.

As he opened the door, he saw Makoto gasp, and then quickly roll down her sleeves.

"What was that?" asked Jadeite.

"Nothing," said Makoto. "Why are you back so early?"

"Why are you still holding your knife?" said Jadeite.

"Uh!" exclaimed Makoto. "Uh… uh…"

"Never mind," said Jadeite. "Wanna come downstairs and do those cupcakes now?"

"Yes," said Makoto.


The next day, Jadeite returned to the literature club.

"Let's never do that again," thought Jadeite to himself.

"Hey," said Minako.

"Ah, Monika!" said Jadeite. "Just the girl I was looking for!"

"No, it's Minako," said Minako.

"Whatever," said Jadeite.

"Anyway," said Minako. "How was your date with Makoto?"

"No date," said Jadeite. "We just goofed around. Are you jealous?"

"No," lied Minako. "But I'm glad it wasn't a date."

"Whatever," said Jadeite.

The rest of the cast walked in.

"Where is Ami?" asked Jadeite.

"I don't know," said Usagi. "I called her before the club, but she didn't answer."

"Sad," said Jadeite. "She must have quit the club. Fall Festival preparations were too demanding."

"Alright, it's time to read poems," said Minako.

"Shoot!" said Jadeite. "I didn't write a poem again!"

He scribbled down something real quick.

This time, instead of reading poems out loud, they were going to choose a person to swap with.

"Hmm," said Jadeite. "Tough choice."

He definitely didn't want to share with Makoto after what happened that weekend, so he picked Usagi Tsukino.

He read Usagi's poem.

"Wow," said Jadeite. "Lots of undertones there. It'd take some kind of expert to decipher that."

"Thanks," said Usagi. "I wrote it this morning. Yours is good too, but isn't that the poem you read yesterday?"

"Wrong," said Jed. "This time, I wrote, 'The life of a flower is QUICK and full of suffering.'"

"Ah," said Usagi. "Sorry for missing that."

"Say," said Jadeite. "Thinking about your poem, do you have some kind of daddy issues?"

"Yes," said Usagi. "My papa Kenji is very cruel, especially when he's drunk."

"What?!" exclaimed Jadeite. "That's not the Kenji I know! He once tried to fight Swamp Face, the swamp monster! He would have died defending you guys! In fact, in episode 2, you wished that your crush Motoki would be like him! And I've never seen Kenji touch a drop of alcohol in his life. Is this some kind of Fanfiction author's dream?"

"No," said Usagi.

She walked out the door, and in walked Ami.

"Ah, welcome back," said Jadeite. "You saved me from having to share with Makoto. But why are you late for the club?"

"Sadly," said Ami. "I just couldn't think of a reason to wake up this morning."

"Alright, I get that," said Jadeite. "But the club starts after school."

"Mm," said Ami glumly.

"I have a suggestion," said Jadeite. "Maybe if you didn't take such hard math classes, you'd have a little more will to live."

"Leave me alone," said Ami. "Here's my poem."

Jadeite gave it the once over.

"Hmm," he said. "This looks more like a suicide note than a poem."

"Mm," said Ami sadly.

"Man," said Jadeite. "Can't anyone in here write a happy poem? If I ever remember to do a poem before coming here, I will make one about lollipops and gumdrops!"

"I wish I would be around to read it," said Ami.

"Well, as long as you don't show up late, you might be able to next time," said Jadeite.

"I don't think so," said Ami quietly. "I'm suffering from depression."

Jadeite patted her on the shoulder. "Hang in there," he said, walking away.


Jadeite headed over to Ami's house to walk to school with her.

"I have so questions about this," said Jadeite. "Why am I going to school? When did I start walking with Ami? Why hasn't she answered her phone?"

Jadeite let himself into the Mizuno household.

"Ami!" he called.

There was no response.

"I have a bad feeling about this," said Jadeite. "I hope it's not a jump scare."

Luckily it wasn't.

However, as Jadeite entered Ami's room, he realized with shock that she was deceased.

She was in fact hanging from the ceiling.

"Sad," said Jadeite.

He looked around the room.

"Nice room," he said. "Her parents will be able to rent it out for a lot of money."

Finally he found her suicide note.

"A suicide note," said Jadeite. "I thought her last poem was the suicide note."

He read the note. It had one phrase on it.

"I took your advice," it read.

Jadeite thought long and hard. "What were the last words I said to her?" he wondered.

"Oops," said Jadeite. "Oh well. I guess it was meant to be."


The next day, Jadeite showed up to the club.

"So do we need a new member?" asked Jadeite. "And who will do the decorations for Fall Festival?"

"What do you mean?" asked Minako. "We've always been four members."

That was an odd statement, but Jadeite decided not to tread on it.

"Alright, it's time to read our poems!" said Minako.

"Drat!" said Jadeite. "I was too distracted with the loss of my childhood friend Ami that I forgot to write one!"

Usagi turned to him, and passed her poem.

"Nice," said Jadeite, not reading it. "Here's my poem."

With no choice, Jadeite handed Usagi Ami's poem from last meeting and pretended it was his poem.

"Wow," said Usagi. "Your handwriting's pretty girly."

"Thanks," said Jadeite.

"Jadeite," said Usagi. "Do you have depression?"

"No," said Jadeite. "This poem is just some psychological mumbo-jumbo. I copied it from the internet."

"Hey," thought Jed in his head. "They don't seem to remember Ami anyway, so why not."

Next, Makoto handed Jadeite her poem.

It was three pages long so he had to skim it quickly.

"What did you think?" asked Makoto, getting a little too close to Jed.

"It was good," said Jadeite.

She moved back, and he was able to exhale.

"Makoto," said Jadeite. "You seem a little off today."

"Me?! Off!?" cried Makoto really loud. "Me?! Off!?" she repeated.

"Yes," said Jadeite.

Makoto started laughing hysterically, but Jadeite didn't tread on it much.

Next Minako walked over, and her and Jed swapped poems.

"Great poem," said Jed. "Do you like mine?"

"Yes," said Minako. "I like it a lot. Especially because you wrote it, all by yourself!"

"That's true," said Jadeite.

"So," said Minako, leaning in and whispering. "I heard Makoto is a cutter."

"Really?" said Jadeite. "She doesn't seem like the type to cut class."

"No," said Minako. "Like with a knife."

"Oh yeah," said Jadeite. "She's a cook."

Minako was getting annoyed. "Whenever she gets excited, she starts to cut. She carries a different knife to school every day."

"I know," said Jadeite. "Pretty wacky."

"Yes," said Minako. "Maybe it's some kind of sexual thing. She gets a high out of it."

"I've never heard of anyone liking cooking that much," said Jadeite.

Minako walked away.

"Yeah, I should still stay away from that Makoto though," thought Jadeite. "She's kind of goofy."

Jadeite turned around, but Makoto was in his face.

"Hi senpai," she said.

"Goodbye, senpai," said Jadeite.

He legged it.


Jadeite walked into the literature club the next day, and felt a chilling vibe.

"Something bad's going to happen," said Jadeite out loud. "But who could be the one that sets things off-balance?"

"Hello, senpai," said Makoto.

Jadeite turned around and Makoto was in his face.

Jadeite leapt back.

"Woah!" he said. "Someone should put a bell on you!"

Makoto started laughing, and then it quickly turned into a guffaw.

Jadeite was sweating. "Okay," he said. "It wasn't that funny."

He looked at Makoto's arms, and then pointed to them. "Did you get in some kind of accident or something?"

Makoto just kept laughing.

"Whatever," said Jadeite. "It's none of my business."

"Guys!" said Minako, strolling in. "Who's ready to share poems?"

"Back off!" said Makoto. "Jadeite's mine!"

"No way," said Usagi. "You can't hog Jadeite all to yourself!"

"I miss Ami," said Jadeite.

The girls were at their regular spiel again, and Jadeite gazed off into the distance.

One of the school posters had been replaced with a picture of Ami hanging herself.

"Odd décor," he said. "Is this part of the festival? I mean, Halloween is coming up, however I didn't think we'd celebrate it here."

No one answered him, and they continued arguing.

"Well," said Minako. "As I said before Makoto lost her marbles, it's time to read poems!"

"Actually," said Jadeite. "I brought in my Diary of a Wimpy Kid collection to read today. You said we could read it at some point, considering it is a literature club, not just a poetry club."

"No," said Minako. "You need to read my poem."

"I'll pass," said Jadeite.

Minako handed it to him. "You need to read my poem."

"Fine," said Jadeite.

"Nice poem," said Jadeite finally.

He looked at his two remaining choices.

Makoto was shaking in her seat.

"I guess I'll read yours next, Usagi," decided Jadeite.

"I'm really not looking forward to reading Makoto's," thought Jadeite. "I know it's going to be something spooky! But unfortunately I think I'm gonna have to."

Jadeite began to read Usagi's poem.

"Jadeite," it began.

"Ah," said Jadeite. "You wrote a poem about your love. Anyway, let's keep reading."

"There's something seriously wrong with Makoto!" it continued. "You need to get her to see a therapist! She'll only listen to you!"

"What is this?" demanded Jadeite. "This isn't a poem."

He crumpled it up, and disposed of it.

Makoto moved closer to Jadeite.

"Fine," said Jadeite. "I guess I'll have to do it sometime."

He took Makoto's poem in his hand, and then he shrieked.

"Ah, what is this?!" he said. "It's covered in blood!"

"Read it," demanded Makoto.

"Alright, alright," said Jed. He started to read it, but it was just chicken scratch.

"Did you like it?" asked Makoto in his face.

"Well," said Jadeite. "It's not the best poem I've read, but it's definitely in my top five. Why is it covered in blood?"

But Makoto was lost beyond reason.

"OOOLOOOOLOOOLOOLOOO!" screamed Makoto.

Jadeite let out a shriek too, because it was so loud and sudden.

"What's going on here?" demanded Usagi.

"Nothing," said Jadeite. "I'm just here with Makoto who doesn't seem to know what personal space is!"

"Usagi," said Makoto. "You should go kill yourself."

"No thanks," said Usagi. "My pop will do that to me soon enough, if I rub him the wrong way."

"#NotMyKenji," replied Jadeite. "But seriously, is anyone normal in this club?!"

The girls were back to their typical argue match, and Jadeite pressed the skip button.

But things got serious when Makoto pushed the other two students out of the room.

"Hey wait!" said Jadeite. "Don't leave me with her! She's a wacko!"

But Makoto closed the door and locked it.

"You know," said Jadeite. "It doesn't make a difference if you lock it from the inside."

"Now we're alone," said Makoto.

"Unfortunately," said Jadeite.

"Jadeite," said Makoto.

Makoto had hyper-realistic eyes.

Jadeite considered spawning a portal and leaping through, but he was scared she'd follow him.

"What do you want?" he said.

"Jadeite, do you like me?" asked Makoto.

"Sure," said Jadeite. "As a pal. Well, not really, but if I say otherwise you're probably going to kill yourself or something with that knife you always bring to school. Honestly, they should have some metal detectors in the front of the building. If you can sneak a knife in, someone could probably sneak in a gun."

"You… you really do like me?" asked Makoto in a wild blush and look of insanity.

"Yes," said Jadeite slowly. "Please don't do anything crazy."

Makoto pulled out the knife she always brings to school, and Jadeite lunged for it.

"NO!" he yelled.

But it was too late.

Makoto took her own life.

"Why did you do that?!" demanded Jadeite. "I said I liked you!"

Makoto did not respond because she was dead.

"Oh well," said Jadeite sitting down on the floor. "I better sit here all weekend. I don't have any plans or anything."

Jadeite sat there all weekend and watched the body slowly decay.

"Geez," said Jadeite on Sunday night. "Why did I do this?"

It was only 8:00pm and he still had to wait another 12 hours. Actually more than that, because the club's after school.

"Nothing's spookier than watching a body decay in a computer game," he said. "So spooky," he repeated.

"Not really," he said after. "You'd have to be some kind of weak-hearted goon if you get genuinely spooked by this. A body doesn't even decay in three days, the most that happens is the blood dries. Not that spooky."

He waited for another hour.

"It did ruin my weekend though, this scene right here," he said, gesturing in front of him. "So I guess the janitors just don't clean this classroom or something. I mean how did not a single person walk in in three days? Did I sleep at all these three days, or did I literally just stay up for three days straight, staring at nothing?"


Many hours later, it was finally the next school day.

It was the third period of class out of four, and no one had walked in yet.

"Man," he said. "I guess this classroom's only used for the club for some reason. Odd."

Finally school ended and Jed's club-mates walked in.

"Hello everyone," said Usagi.

Then she spotted Makoto's corpse, and threw up.

"Reasonable reaction," said Jadeite. "You're the most normal one here."

Usagi rushed out.

Minako walked in next, but she didn't seem surprised.

"Jadeite," she said. "Did you just sit here all weekend?"

"No," said Jadeite. "I could have easily came after class, and then sat down on the ground. You don't know I was here all weekend."

"Well in that case," said Minako. "Sad."

Suddenly, Makoto's corpse vanished into particles.

"Wow, she decayed fast," said Jadeite. "How'd that happen?"

"I erased her," said Minako.

"Good work," said Jadeite. "There was going to have to be some explaining to do if a teacher walked in. They'll think I killed her or something, judging from my shocked facial expression!"

Usagi walked back in.

"Jadeite," she said. "Were you sitting here all weekend?"

That's when Minako erased Usagi.

"Hey!" said Jadeite. "She didn't get an arc yet! Or whatever you can call this. An act, maybe."

"I had to get rid of her," said Minako. "She wasn't going to confess her love, so there's nothing to worry about."

"Huh?" said Jadeite.

"Don't you get it?" said Minako.

"No," said Jadeite. "I'm completely lost. Can you give me the slow version this time?"

"I am the grandmaster of this game," said Minako.

"You're the grandmaster of stupid," commented Jadeite.

Minako let out a laugh, and suddenly the background changed.

They were in an empty room with a table, with a space background out the windows.

"Hey, is that the same wallpaper Galaxia has for both her walls and floor?" asked Jed.

"You're trapped in here forever," said Minako.

"D'ah," said Jadeite. "This is what I get for joining a literature club."

"It was very simple," said Minako. "I just went into the character folder and erased their characters."

"Wrong," said Jadeite. "You can't mess with anything in my Programs x86 without administrative permissions. Idiot."

"I can," said Minako. "Because I'm part of the game too!"

"Ah, that's nice," said Jadeite. "But Sans beat you to the punch! Unoriginal garbage, a self-aware character," Jadeite scoffed.

"This is different," argued Minako. "Sans couldn't go in the game files. He couldn't even Save!"

"Whatever," said Jadeite.

"Now you have to spend forever with me!" concluded Minako.

"No," said Jadeite. "I'll just turn off the game."

"No," said Minako. "Now you have to spend forever with me!"

"You already said that," said Jadeite.

Jadeite pulled out his phone.

He went on Google and looked up how to get past the Minako room.

"Wow," said Jadeite. "I have to literally go in and delete your character file. I'll admit, that is pretty original."

"Yes," said Minako. "Erase me, I dare you."

"Alright," said Jadeite.

He stood up.

Minako waited.

Jadeite shot lightning out of his palms, ending her.

He punched open the window and leapt out.

"What is this?" he said. "Some kind of wallpaper?!"

He started tearing at the space background with his hands, and finally tore a hole open and leapt through.

He looked around, and was in none other than Galaxia's throne room.

"Hey Tin Nyanko," said Jadeite. "Hey Lead Crow."

Jadeite hopped in the elevator and left.

FIN