"Ah, peace and quiet," said ol' Shingo. "Now, I hope I remember my way back to camp…"

While wandering, Shingo suddenly stumbled upon something disturbing.

"The head of a hog?" asked Shingo out loud.

"Yes," said the head of the hog. "They left me out here to feed to the beast."

"There is no beast," said Shingo. "They are the beast!"

The head shook his head. "You have much to learn, young Shingle."

"It's Shingo," said Shingo.

"That's what I said, ShortOne."

"Hang on, creature," said Shingo. "How am I talking to you? You are but a head of a hog, stabbed with a spear!"

"Cause you've gone mad!" said the head.

"No!" cried Shingo. "I have to get back to camp."

Shingo started sprinting back to camp, but the woods had sunken into the darkness of night.

"Hey!" screamed Shingo. "HEYYYYYY!"

That's when Shingo ran into a tree, and was knocked unconscious.


Zoisite and Kunzite arrived at the rebel fortress.

"Halt!" said a guard, none other than Melvin. "State your name!"

"You know us," said Zoisite.

"I only know the hunt!" said Melvin. "State your name, or die!"

"Why did you put face paint over your glasses?" said Kunzite. "Are you some kind of idiot?"

"Last warning!" shouted Melvin. "Otherwise I'll be forced to use this!" he said, pointing to his spear.

Kunzite grabbed Melvin's spear and snapped it like the twig it was, and went to barge past Melvin.

But Melvin threw his body down, blocking the only entrance.

"At ease, soldier," said a voice approaching.

"Nephrite!" said Zoisite. "Control your animal!"

"Well, well, look who it is," said Nephrite. "It took you a while, but I'm glad you've come to fear the beast like the rest of us."

"There is no beast," said Zoisite. "You're crazy!"

"Are you becoming a savage or not?" asked Nephrite.

"No," said Zoisite. "We're still trying to get off the island, whereas you guys seem to have moved in."

Motoki ran past Nephrite, nude and howling like an animal.

He turned to Zoisite, and then let out a howl like a wolf howling at the moon.

Zoisite took a step back, and Kunzite put his arm in front of him.

"Stand back, Zoisite," said Kunzite. "This could get dangerous."

"Now, now," said Nephrite. "I'll have you know my entire camp is quite civilized. Would you two like to stay for the ceremony?"

"What kind of ceremony?" said Zoisite. "I hope it's not some tribal nonsense."

"No, no," said Nephrite. "Of course not. We're just going to do the dance to please the beast."

"Oh brother," said Kunzite.

"Will there be food?" asked Zoisite.

"Yes," said Nephrite. "The beast would not allow us to not feast."

"That's oddly specific," said Kunzite.

"Come in," offered Nephrite, pushing some guards aside.


Zoisite and Kunzite took their slices of hog and sat down on a log.

"Good hog," said Kunzite. "Crazy people, but they know how to cook a hog."

"THE CEREMONY IS ABOUT TO BEGIN!" yelled Jadeite, banging on a rock.

"Hey Jed!" called Zoisite.

"Oh hey guys," said Jed sauntering over.

"Nice abs," commented Zoisite.

"Yes," said shirtless Jed. "The training has got me in shape. Do you like my body paint?"

"Yes," lied Zoisite. "So what are we gonna do in this so-called ceremony?"

"Just watch," said Jadeite.

On cue, people started forming circles, and chanting with their spears.

"Ho ho HA! Ho ho HA!" they screamed. And then, they let out one long, "AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Jadeite was playing two rocks like a bongo.

"You've really found your place in this world," said Zoisite.

That's when, in the middle of the circles, a couple savages broke into pairs.

One got on all fours and pretended to be a hog, bucking like a wild animal, and the other would pretend to fight the hog, and shove back at the hog whenever it charged.

Gamer Joe, on all fours, kicked the ground and then leapt at Chad.

He threw a headbutt, but Chad fought back, and pushed the hog away. He then pretended to stab it with a spear.

But Joe was a feisty hog, and body-slammed Chad again, causing Chad to fall to the ground.

Everyone cheered.

"AROO!"

"Wait," said Zoisite, trying to follow. "I thought the hog's supposed to lose?"

"The hogs on this island are very mighty," said Jadeite. "They're all minions of the great beast!"

"Why would the great beast want the head of one of its minions?" asked Zoisite, still trying to think logically. "Doesn't that seem like a sign of war?"

"Zoisite," said Kunzite. "You're trying to reason with a pack of apemen."

Suddenly, it appeared Hog Joe had his eye on Jed.

Joe snorted directly towards him, and Jed realized he was being tagged in.

"Wish me luck, boys!" he said, dropping his bongo rocks.

Jed hunched over, pushing back at the animal, as Joe tried to overpower his opponent.

This went on for several hours, and many people switched between hog and human. There were even fights between two hogs, and two humans.

"I think it's time to leave," said Zoisite, when Motoki started snorting at him.

"Wait," said Kunzite. "I think this is the grand finale!"

Everyone started cheering, and the cheer grew louder.

"All hail the great beast!" shouted Nephrite, as Minako, Taiki's forehead, and Ms. Haruna blew horns.

"All hail the great beast!" everyone repeated.

"We are gathered here on this night!" continued Nephrite, shouting over everyone's cries. "To prove that we are mightier than the beast! And we are not afraid of it! And if we ever run into it, we will kill it! Kill the beast! Kill the beast!"

Everyone joined in.

"Kill the beast!"

That's when a mysterious creature came crawling out of the bushes.

"Food…" he begged. "Water."

"THERE'S THE BEAST!" howled Kenji, pointing at Shingo. "KILL HIM!"

"Papa?" asked Shingo. He tried to run, but Kenji threw a piledriver directly into his spine.

And that's when Shingo was surrounded by the feral pack.

They quickly finished him off.

Zoisite and Kunzite stared in horror.

"Did they… did they realize?"

"Yes," said Kunzite. "Shingo was yelling the whole time he died."

Nephrite turned around, while stabbing the beast.

"Hey guys, you want in on this?"

But Zoisite and Kunzite were gone. All that remained was their plate.


Kunzite and Zoisite didn't sleep all night.

They went over the course of the previous events over and over, but it didn't add up.

"They killed Shingo," said Zoisite. "They're mad!"

"Yes," said Kunzite. "That could have easily been us, if we were idiots!"

"What do we do!?" cried Zoisite. "We can't live on this same island as those animals! They'll turn on us next!"

"It's over," said Kunzite. "Maybe we should just swim out to sea and see how far we get."

"I don't want it to end like this!" said Zoisite. "Maybe there's another way. Maybe if we pretend to be a savage, they won't end us!"

Kunzite shook his head. "We could never pass as savages."

Zoisite bit his thumb.


Zoisite and Kunzite arrived at the savage camp.

"You really think this will work?" asked Kunzite.

"I don't know," said Zoisite. "But I don't see any other way. If we can't beat these mongrels, we must make an alliance with them, so that we can keep living. We'll agree to provide them with a weekly supply of berries, in exchange for life."

"Good idea," said Kunzite. "It will be like when humans first tried to make civilization."

Zoisite and Kunzite marched in, and Nephrite was waiting for them. Besides him were his two top men, Kenji and Jadeite.

Jadeite was holding a double-ended spear, which shook Zoisite.

"Hello there, men of the forest," said Zoisite slowly, kneeling down and offering the basket of berries.

"Mmm," said Nephrite. "These will make a good garnish for our hog. Unless…"

Nephrite snapped his fingers, and Boxy the Priest ran over.

"Wow," thought Kunzite. "For a man of religion, he's really become feral."

And Kunzite was right, as Boxy now had long hair and only a loincloth, and was covered in body and face paint.

"Boxy," said Nephrite. "Make sure those berries aren't poisonous."

"Yes sir," said Boxy, eating a whole handful.

"Tastes good to me," he said.

"Ah, good work, lackeys," said Nephrite to Zoisite and Kunzite. "However, you haven't proven yourselves yet. You must go out into the forest and stay out there until you defeat the beast!"

"I thought we already killed the beast?" said Zoisite. "You know, that little kid beast. The one you slaughtered."

"No," said Nephrite. "That was just a decoy, sent out by the beast."

Suddenly, Kunzite lost his cool. "You've gone mad, Nephrite. You killed a human!"

Nephrite shrugged. "It was what the beast wanted."

"Enough of this beast nonsense!" yelled Kunzite. "The only beast here is you! And your stupid pawns, Jadeite and Kenji!"

Nephrite shook his head. "I've heard enough," he said. "You are no ally of us hunters. In fact, I think you're in cahoots with the beast!"

Jadeite gasped.

"Hunters, get 'em!" yelled Nephrite.

"No!" yelled Zoisite.

That's when Tomoe, one of the strongest warriors, emerged from the ranks, and thrust his spear at Kunzite.

"Child's play," scoffed Kunzite, weaving around the spear.

"Stop this!" cried Zoisite. "We didn't come here to fight! We came here for civilized discussion!"

That's when Jadeite pulled a rope, and a boulder came rolling down, crushing Kunzite and Tomoe, instantly ending them.

"NOOO!" yelled Zoisite. "WHY?!"

That's when all the warriors turned to Zoisite, even those that weren't particularly warriors but still did chores for the savage camp, such as Melvin.

Zoisite took off into the thicket, as several spears zipped past him.

"AH!" cried Zoisite, as one hit his arm, knocking it out of commission.

Zoisite kept running for his life, and once he couldn't hear the chants, he threw himself in a bush and examined his wound.

"Ouch," said Zoisite. "Tuxedo Mask would find this quite ironic. Too bad he wasn't dragged into this mess."

Suddenly, Zoisite heard the chants approaching, so he took off running again.

"Chanting is a terrible hunting strategy," he thought to himself.

He started hearing chants coming from two sides, and Zoisite knew they were right on his tail.

"I SEE HIM OVER THERE!" shouted Kenji.

"Stupid Kenji!" thought Zoisite.

"We've got him cornered!" called Makoto.

The savages closed in, but Zoisite was nowhere to be found.

"That slippery snake!" said Kenji. "We'll get him yet!"

They all dispersed, as Zoisite climbed down from the tree.

"Phew," he said.

He ran for the shore, but then realized that he'd just be out in the open if he went there.

So, he was forced to settle for hiding in another bush.

He laid there for what felt like hours, and it was in fact hours.

Right when Zoisite was about to climb up and relocate, he heard footsteps.

He held his breath as two little kids stopped to talk a few feet away from where he was.

"Why do we still have to search?" asked Kyuusuke. "Everyone else is back at the camp!"

"Because we're the little ones," sighed Momoko.

"That Nephrite is crazy," said Kyuusuke.

"Yes," said Momoko. "But his lackey Jadeite's even crazier. He said he was going to use that double-ended spear to stab through Zoisite like a hog, and then cook him on a rotisserie."

Zoisite felt very betrayed.

"But we're never gonna find him," said Kyuusuke. "This island is huge! That's why everyone stopped looking!"

"Didn't you hear?" asked Momoko. "That's why Jadeite's going to burn down the forest, to pry Zoisite out like a rat."

Zoisite let out a quiet yelp.

"There he is!" yelled Kyuusuke.

Zoisite knew it was all or nothing, and leapt out of the bush.

"Zoi!" he shouted.

Kyuusuke and Momoko were tossed and killed, and Zoisite confiscated their spears.

But he could only use one because his one arm was broken.

"This will have to do," said Zoisite. "I have no choice but to charge the rebel camp before they burn down the forest."

With that, Zoisite headed down the path back to camp that Kyuusuke had left.


"Next, we shall craft a FIRE!" shouted Nephrite.

"AROOOOOO!" yelled the camp.

Nephrite grabbed Mr. Kitakata's glasses and held them to the sun.

The light started to burn on a stick.

"Any minute now!" said Jadeite, giddier than he had ever been in his life.

Meanwhile, Zoisite was scaling the wall of the fortress.

Finally he got to the top, and gasped.

"No!" he said. "They're already crafting the fire! I have to wait for the right moment!"

"Alright everyone, begin spreading the fire and lighting each other's torches! It will take a long time for the sun to create a fire, so stand here and hold this," Nephrite said, passing the glasses to Kenji.

"Where are you going?" asked Kenji.

"Jadeite and I are going to lay out Kunzite's corpse for the beast!" explained Nephrite.

"Why aren't I invited?" asked Kenji.

"We need you to guard the camp," said Nephrite.

"From the beast?" said Kenji.

"No, from that pest Zoisite," said Nephrite.

"It would be foolish for him to attack the whole camp," said Kenji.

"Heh heh," thought Zoisite.

"Yeah, you're probably right," said Neph. "But that Zoisite's a crafty one. Don't let your guard down."

"I won't," shrugged Kenji, letting his guard down.

Nephrite and Jadeite headed off.

"Time to make my move," thought Zoisite.

"Halt!" said Greg. "State your name!"

"Zoi!" yelled Zoisite, knocking Greg off the fortress wall and most likely killing him.

"UP THERE!" yelled Kenji. "THE BEAST!"

Several men threw their spears, so Zoisite ducked behind one of the guard posts.

"Quick, scatter!" yelled Kenji. "Don't let him get away!"

But Zoisite wasn't trying to get away.

Zoisite leapt down, dodging several spears, and swung his own spear, decapitating Kenji.

"You're gonna pay for that!" yelled Grandpa, running up and throwing a punch.

But Zoisite countered it, and stabbed Grandpa in the heart, since Grandpa didn't have any of his voodoo magic in these woods.

Zoisite had to give up his spear that was lodged in Grandpa's heart, and threw a kick, killing Chad.

Game Machine Joe did the only thing he knew how to do and got down on all fours, bucking like a bull at Zoisite.

Zoisite grabbed him by the horns and threw him off into the sky.

He shot a beam, and Joe blew up like fireworks.

Next to charge was Yaten base, a powerful base form fighter.

Zoisite threw a punch, but Yaten base caught it with little effort.

Several spears came flying at Zoisite's back, but Zoisite broke free, and Yaten was sliced to pieces.

Makoto, Minako, and Ami came charging, but Zoisite shot petals, stunning them.

He then snatched one of their spears and killed all three in one blow.

Melvin and Molly stood at the edge of the fray, with their silly face paint.

"Down with Zoisite!" they chanted, blowing war horns.

Zoisite turned to them, and threw two spears, killing Melvin and Molly.

Artemis the now feral cat threw himself at Zoisite's face, and went for his vitals, but Zoisite pried him off and threw him to the ground, stomping him until he was no more.

Zoisite turned and shot a wide beam, sending Motoki, Motoki's sister, and the notorious Mama Motoki all flying in a similar manner.

They all disintegrated without a single trace.

Setsuna Meioh ran up and stabbed a spear into Zoisite's leg, and Zoisite dropped to the ground.

"No!" yelled Zoisite. "I will avenge Kunzite!"

He grabbed the frail Hotaru Tomoe and used her as a shield as Setsuna swung down her spear, killing Hotaru.

Setsuna gasped, and Zoisite took the spear out of his leg and stabbed it into Setsuna, killing her.

Zoisite charged up a powerful fire attack, and right as Juuban student #4 threw himself, he unleashed it, ending every miscellaneous Juuban student left.

Taiki's forehead did the only move it could think of, and threw the #Ultimate Headbutt.

Zoisite leapt into the air, and the headbutt missed, instantly causing Taiki's forehead to die from the recoil.

Ms. Haruna, fully nude, suddenly got Zoisite in a full nelson.

"Eeww, a nude woman!" cried Zoisite. "This is unfair!"

Boxy ran up to throw punches at Zoisite's exposed torso, but suddenly dropped dead from the poisonous berries.

Zoisite threw an elbow, instantly wiping out Ms. Haruna.

The rebel camp was in ruins, but there were still a couple stragglers.

Ishihara jumped on Mr. Kitakata's back, and they charged piggyback style.

"On guard!" yelled Ishihara, holding his spear like he would a jousting stick and riding Kitakata like a horse.

Zoisite threw a low sweep, toppling his steed, and then shot an invisible wave, instantly killing them.

"Is it over?" asked Zoisite panting.

That's when, despite injuries far surpassing human comprehension, Motoki's mom leapt to her feet.

She threw her entire soul at Zoisite, taking him to the ground.

She grabbed a spear and swung at his neck, but he dodged at the last second.

"You're not even still alive anymore!" yelled Zoisite. "You're some kind of spirit!"

"Wrong," said Mama Motoki. "I am DETERMINATION!"

"Undertale loser," said Zoisite.

He kicked Mama Motoki into the fire, and she became unrecognizable.

"Phew," said Zoisite. "There's absolutely no way that-"

Mama Motoki, surrounded by flames, threw herself like a comet, taking Zoisite to the ground and burning his skin.

"AHHHHHHHH!" yelled Zoisite, as he looked up at the horrifying unrecognizable creature.

Zoisite used his last ounce of strength to throw Motoki's mom a couple feet away, where she burnt to ashes.

Zoisite waited for 20 minutes, but she didn't arise.

"That was scary," said Zoisite. "That was the most terrifying experience of my life."


Jadeite and Nephrite dragged Kunzite through the woods.

"Here should be good," said Nephrite.

"How do you know?" asked Jed. "Did the beast tell you?"

"Sure," said Nephrite.

"Nephrite," asked Jed. "When will I get to meet the beast?"

"When he's ready," explained Nephrite, in a tone that suggested he was annoyed.

"Ah, goodie!" exclaimed Jed.

"Now let's go back to camp," said Nephrite. "Hopefully they haven't started burning the forest down without us."

That's when Zoisite used his trickery, and somehow managed to separate Jadeite from Nephrite.

"What's going on?" demanded Jadeite. "How did I get here?"

"Don't worry," said Zoisite, appearing. "It's trickery beyond your comprehension. I didn't even need to use my Negapowers."

"You're foolish to try to fight me!" said Jadeite. "I have a double-ended spear!"

"So what?" said Zoisite. "That doesn't make much of a difference. It just makes it harder to hold."

"No," said Jadeite. "You could turn a block into a counter-attack, and vice-versa."

"Ah, really?" asked Zoisite. "I never thought about it that way. Tell me more about the advantages of a double-ended spear."

"Well," began Jadeite.

"Never mind," said Zoisite. "It's over."

That's when a crystal flew up from behind Jadeite, killing him.

"And that's why I'm higher ranking," concluded Zoisite.

"But that Nephrite's going to be a fiend."


Nephrite stood in the ruins of his empire.

"What happened here?!" he demanded.

"END… MEEEEEE!" yelled Melvin, in inhuman pain.

"Sorry, no can do," said Nephrite. "I'll leave it to the beast."

"Gee, thanks!" said Melvin, laying back down.

Suddenly, a crystal came flying from behind Nephrite.

Nephrite spun around and swung his arm, destroying the crystal.

"When Molly's not distracting me, I'm quite the fighter," stated Nephrite. "She actually almost caused my demise twice, and actually caused my demise that last time. I mean I could have easily caught the Moon Tiara. Jadeite did in his sleep! But that pest Molly… may she rest in peace…"

"It's over, Nephrite," said Zoisite.

"Did you destroy my pack of savages?" demanded Nephrite.

"No," said Zoisite. "It was the beast."

"Really?" said Nephrite, getting giddy.

"No, you idiot," said Zoisite. "There is no beast!"

"Take that back!" said Nephrite. "The beast is all I have left! I take from the fact that you're coming for me that Jadeite's gone. The moment I looked over and he wasn't there, I knew you were using your trickery to lure him away."

"You know what his last words were?" said Zoisite. "'The beast wasn't real after all!'"

"Lies!" said Nephrite. "Jadeite would never betray the beast!"

Nephrite charged Zoisite at top speeds, and Zoisite was spooked but had to fight for his life.

Zoisite was surprisingly keeping up.

"Wow," said Zoisite. "It must be the best day of my life, and the worst day of Nephrite's. Well, he clearly hasn't been in his right mind for a while, and eating only hog must have an impact on the brain."

Nephrite threw a kick, but Zoisite used his happy feet to leap out of the way.

"Happy feet!" yelled Melvin.

Zoisite killed Melvin, and threw a wild kick.

Nephrite caught it, and threw Zoisite into the ground.

But Zoisite sprung to life, and they began clashing at rapid speeds.

That's when a big head appeared.

"Ah, there you are!" yelled Queen Beryl. "I've been looking all over for you devils! Why didn't you come to my birthday party?!"

"Queen Beryl!" cried Zoisite, escaping the battle. "HEEEELP!"

"What's going on?" demanded Beryl. "Where is everyone?"

"The great and mighty beast stole them from us," said Nephrite solemnly. "So we have to burn down the jungle."

"Nephrite, have you gone feral?" asked Beryl.

That's when Zoisite gained his bearings and threw a powerful punch.

FIN