"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Oh?" said Beryl.

"Yes," said Jadeite. "You see, the humans…"

"...?" asked Beryl confused, after Jadeite paused for a long time.

Jadeite was starting to get antsy. "Queen Beryl, may I be excused?"

"What?! WHY!?" demanded Beryl.

"...I told my subs that I would be livestreaming in five minutes. I have to get home so I can prepare to go live."

"Go ahead," sighed Beryl. "Everybody gets one."

"Gee, thanks!" said Jed. He skipped away.


Jadeite turned on all eight of his monitors and set up his $400 mic.

He booted up his three graphics cards and modified gaming PC.

Finally, he launched his mobile phone emulator for PC.

The clock struck 11:50 AM and it was time to go live.

"Hello and good morning!" said Jed into his $400 mic. "As previously announced on my Twitter, I will be livestreaming the new Club Parakeet app, Club Parakeet Island! It is quite unfortunate that Bisney bought out Club Parakeet and then shut it down soon after, but this app looks promising."

Jed booted up the app and waited 5 minutes for it to load.

"Mmmmmm. Graphics look pretty decent!"

He logged onto his parakeet "Jadeite McSwag" and entered the main plaza.

"Moderate population, terrific!" he commented. "I wonder how I get to the other zones."

However he soon found out there weren't any.

"Well this is a shame," said Jadeite.

Jadeite decided it was time to grind for some coins and entered a minigame.

Then like any good streamer he read the comments people were leaving on the side and answered them even though they would not show up if someone watched his stream later.

"Let's see," he began. "We have a comment from _NotZoisite that says, 'Jump off a bridge, loser!' Haha, good one! But sadly I have to finish my stream."

Jadeite scrolled down past some spam to another comment. "This one's from G-Pa_245." The comment read, "Have you seen that latest Steven Universe ep?"

"Haha, yes I have! I actually saw it 5 months before it came out via leak," said Jed. "It was certainly not my fave. I'm not a fan of Ronaldo filler."

Another comment popped up immediately after he said this.

"Steven Universe has no filler!" said M31V1N6969.

Jadeite paused his game.

"You talkin' to me?" demanded Jadeite.

"Yes," replied the anonymous troll. "Rebbaca Glucose said that there is no filler in SU!"

"L. M. A. O," said Jadeite. "Episodes about random humans such as Motoki and Sour Cream have no effect on the plot."

"Them's fighting words!" replied the troll.

"HAHAAH!" laughed Jadeite loudly. "Viewers, are you seeing this dolt? Clearly he knows nothing about SU." Jadeite got mad and muted the troll in his stream chat. "GG EZ GET REKT!" he said out loud.

Jadeite continued to laugh into his mic. "Wow, that was HILARIOUS!"

He resumed his Club Parakeet Island session.

"Alright, seems we got another question from some unknown user named 'Swagaru Chiba.' He asks, 'What is your favorite color Poofle?'"

"Oh man," began Jadeite, catching a giddy. "What an excellent question! Now to begin let me explain to the viewers the difference between the Poofle species. You see after 2005 they released a new generation of Poofles that all have better st-"

Suddenly there was a loud crash from outside his dark space.

"Is someone here?!" he demanded turning around. He heard various voices outside but could not make out what they were saying.

"Hello?" he called. "Are they finally replacing that vending machine outside my house?"

Just then, Jadeite's door was kicked down and 20 men in SWAT uniforms burst in.

"YO?!" cried Jadeite. "Am I getting SWATed?"

The SWAT team tackled Jadeite to the floor. He reached for his webcam to turn it off but they pile-drove him into the ground.

Chat stopped in his stream chat as everyone watched Jed getting pummeled by the SWAT team live.

"Where's the bomb?!" demanded the SWAT team, kicking him from all angles.

Jadeite got mad and tried to throw a punch but he was quickly stopped and pummeled again.

"LOL" said _NotZoisite in chat. "WHO DID THIS? AHAHAHAHA"

Jadeite was patted down and forced to get on his knees with his hands behind his head.

"Just let me turn off the camera!" cried Jadeite.

"He's resisting!" yelled a SWAT member when Jadeite dove for the webcam. They took out their tasers and sent Jadeite to heck and back.

After two hours of searching every corner of his dark space but finding nothing, the SWAT team let him off with a warning.

At some point during this time one of the SWAT members turned the webcam away and all the viewers could hear was the sounds of voices and lots of sounds of things being moved.

When Jadeite was finally able to crawl back over to his stream, he saw that he had gained 200 more viewers during the course of the SWAT.

Jadeite turned off his webcam at last and ended his Club Parakeet session as he was kicked for AFK a long time ago.

"Who could have done this?!" thought Jadeite in bewilderment.

Suddenly he got a direct message on his streaming service.

It was from "TheStarsRuleAll1997." All the message had was one link to a Twitch stream.

"Leave me alone, advertiser!" replied Jadeite. "I won't subscribe to your stream!"

"It's me, Nephrite, dummy," replied TheStarsRuleAll1997. "Check that out, it's important."

"Yea right," scoffed Jadeite. "Everyone knows the stars are Kunzite's thing!"

"What?!" howled Nephrite over the computer. "Just check the stream, I'm doing you a favor."

"Alright, alright." replied Jed. "But if this is some kind of scam I am banning you from my stream chat."

He checked the stream. "Hey… this is that kid Melvin's stream!" he realized. The view count went up from 4 to 5 when Jadeite joined. "I wonder if he has any connection to that SU fanboy from earlier?"

His prediction was in fact correct, as soon into the stream Melvin went into a rant about human characters and world building.

Suddenly Melvin pulled out a telephone. "This'll teach that FOOL!" he snickered. "Hello? 911? This is Melvin. The guy across the street from me looks like he is building some kind of explosive! The address is 188 Main Street, Negaverse City, Negaverse, 00001."

"WHAT?!" cried Jadeite. "That's my address!"

He gasped.

"That punk is the one who SWATed me!"

Jadeite was very mad. Livid in fact.

"If he wants a war, then he's got one!"

Jadeite pulled out his telephone.


Melvin walked to school with his friend Molly.

"This is the best milkshake I've ever had!" he told her giddily.

"What flavor is it MAYLVEN?"

"Chocolate bacon peanut cranberry!" he snorted. "It cost me $20!"

"Wow," said Molly.

Just then, a helicopter landed in front of them.

"Hey, what gives?!" demanded Melvin.

Several men in SWAT uniforms swarmed down on ropes and tackled Melvin to the ground.

"MOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" he howled.

"MEYLVAN!" cried Molly.

A SWAT man took Melvin's milkshake and tossed it in a bomb diffusion box.

"NOOO!" cried Melvin.

They pummeled Melvin and he was very late for school.

"Why did this happen?!" he thought sadly in the late kid detention room. "Who would have seen an innocent boy like me walking by and think I had a bomb?! Unless…"

Melvin knew something was off.

"Time to check that guy's live stream," he decided.

Melvin pulled out his MacBook Pro and loaded the Twitch.

"Hey guys, it's me, Jadeite!" said Jadeite. "Today we'll be farming coins on Club Parakeet Island."

Melvin rewinded the stream which was currently live. "It's gotta be in here somewhere! No one in their right mind would SWAT someone and not livestream themselves doing it."

He spotted Jadeite on the phone as he rewinded it and stopped the video and clicked play.

"WHAT?!" squawked Melvin as he saw it all go down. "This isn't fair! I wasn't even streaming anything!"


"Queen Beryl," said Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"It better be good," said Beryl. "Since I did a kind deed and let you leave early to do your stream."

"Did you watch?" asked Jadeite.

Beryl stifled a snicker. "No," she lied.

"Ah, good," said Jadeite. "Things went south for the winter. Anyway, my plan begins with-"

"Hey," said Beryl. "Do you hear a ruckus outside? Is it that rowdy crowd of Youmas?"

"Oh no," said Jadeite. "Not here! Come on!"

"Jadeite, what's going on?" demanded Beryl.

Jadeite tried to run, but that's when 30 men in SWAT uniforms burst through the ceiling of the Negaverse and landed in front of him.

"Hand over the bomb!" one shouted.

"I don't have a bomb!" cried Jadeite.

The men threw Jadeite to the ground and started giving him one of the biggest beatings in his life.

"Hey!" screamed Beryl. "How dare you march into my kingdom and start beating on my employees!"

"An accomplice?" asked one of the SWAT members.

"No," said Beryl. "I've never seen that guy in my life, don't call me an accomplice!"

"Beryl!" cried Jadeite as he was pummeled.

After ten hours the SWAT team backed down and left.

"They… they didn't even search me!" said Jadeite.

"Who could have done that to you?" demanded Beryl.

"I think I might have an idea," said Jadeite.


Melvin raised his hand. "Square root of 42!" he howled.

"Correct," said his cram school teacher. "Now, can you explain how you got your answer?"

"Ah, of course," said Melvin. "I just took the denominator, and-"

That's when the door was busted down by men in SWAT uniforms.

"Oh goodness!" cried the teacher. "Is something wrong?"

"Get down on the ground!" yelled the SWAT men. "Unless you want a beating too!"

"What nerve!" yelled the teacher. "I'm trying to teach here!"

The SWAT team threw her to the floor, and then climbed right over her and started shoving desks out of the way.

They picked up a desk with a kid still attached and threw it out the window.

Melvin at first thought this was just a routine drug inspection, but as they continued to plow in his direction, he began to get spooked.

"You're not here for me, are you?" he asked nervously.

"GET EM!" screamed the SWAT team.

"NO!" squawked Melvin. "I don't have any bombs!"

"He said 'BOMBS!'" howled a SWAT man.

They picked up Melvin by the head as he tried to run away and threw him to the ground.

Then they picked up his Macbook, and snapped it on their knee.

"This is no bomb," they said. "The kid must have put it in his pocket!"

"Why would you try to snap a bomb on your knee!?" cried Melvin. "This can't be legal!"
A SWAT member picked him up and then dropped him on their knee.

Then they swung him by the legs into the ground, and then into a wall.

"That's enough!" cried one of Melvin's classmates, stepping in between them.

But a SWAT member threw a punch, shattering every bone in her body.

"Bunch of savages!" cried Melvin.

They tried to unscrew Melvin's head, but they couldn't get enough friction, so they threw him out a window.

As Melvin flew out the window, he could have sworn he saw someone floating nearby with a camera.

"JADEEIIIITE!" howled Melvin. "You'll pay for this!"

Melvin collided with the cold hard concrete, and every bone in his body was no more.


Melvin laid in his hospital bed, in a full body cast.

"Uuuuugh," he moaned. "I'm in inhuman pain! Can't I have more medicine, doc?"

"No," said Doctor Mizuno. "You shouldn't have threatened to blow up the school!"

"I would never!" cried Melvin.

The doctor left, and he sighed.

"Woe is me. All that's left for me is misery."

That's when he heard some commotion in the halls.

It got increasingly loud, and then it was right outside Melvin's door.

"Keep it down!" yelled Melvin. "Is this some kind of jamboree?"
That's when the door to his hospital room was busted down, and 20 men in SWAT uniforms entered the small room.

"WHAT?!" cried Melvin. "This can't be! I'm clearly not the guy you're looking for, I'm in a body cast and can't move! But I think the guy went down the hall and took a left! I'd try looking there!"

A SWAT man ran up and threw Melvin's body cast into the wall.

Melvin was still connected to the IV machine, so he pulled it with him.

"OWWW!" he screamed.

The SWAT team ripped the IV off of him, and then began beating him with the machine.

"STOP!" whimpered Melvin. "I can't move! I'm dying!"

A SWAT member leapt high into the air, and then leapt down on his body cast, shattering it.

One SWAT man decided to break Melvin's spine, so he did just that, by throwing a powerful punch to a vital area.

They picked him up and began spinning him around by the legs.

Then they tossed him in the air, and another SWAT man leapt high up and spiked him down with an overhead mallet punch.

He landed in the bed, and they lit it ablaze.

They threw many kicks and jabs until they figured Melvin had a sufficient beatdown.

"Don't do it again," said the SWAT man.

"Do… what?!" squeaked Melvin.

The SWAT member ran back and threw a leaping kick, and then left.

"SWATed twice?!" screamed Melvin once they were gone. "That breaks all the rules of SWATing! You're not allowed to SWAT someone twice in a row! The SWAT team has become a weapon at anyone's disposal, which they can send to go beat people up! I only did it to Jadeite as a joke! I didn't think it would come to this. Who SWATs someone when they're not even streaming!? Y YY YY Y Y YYY Y Y!"


"Hey guys," said Jadeite. "It's odd. Melvin hasn't streamed in a while. I wonder if he's crippled for life heheh! I hope the SWAT didn't kill him… then I'd have no one else to SWAT!"

Jadeite looked at his stream chat.

"Melvin's barely alive," someone told him.

"LOL!" laughed Jadeite. "Anyway, it's time to stream some more LoL AKA League of Legends! Today I'll be fighting a boss, maybe I'll win."

Jadeite booted up League of Legends, and tapped his fingers on the table as it loaded.

"As always, send me weapons and gear please! I will give you a shout-out when you send me stuff!"

Jadeite checked his mailbox once he got on, but nothing came.

"Heh," he laughed angrily. "Well what can you do? Alright, it's time to buy some power-ups. Let's see here."

That's when the people watching the stream heard the infamous sound, "BrrrRrrrrrrrrrrrr," like some sort of missile falling from the sky.

"Should I buy this skin?" asked Jadeite. "I'll let you guys decide."

"MISSILE!" someone typed in chat.

"Huh?" said Jadeite. "I thought that sound was coming from the game."

That's when he listened closely.

Suddenly, the webcam flashed to orange, and then red, and then yellow, and there was a loud scream, but an even more blaring explosion.

The stream instantly ended.

10 minutes later, Jadeite reconnected.

He looked brutally bashed.

"Hey all," he said. "So apparently someone called an airdrop on me. I hope that wasn't live!"

"It was," said a username that was just numbers in the chat.

"Hey!" said Jadeite. "You! You don't frequent this stream! Who are you?!"

"Heh," said the number man. "L-O-L."

"I hope you're talking about League of Legends, boy!" screamed Jadeite into his mic.

Jadeite switched to Melvin's stream quickly.

All that was happening in the stream was Melvin typing on a keyboard, but Jadeite knew.

"Ah," said Jadeite. "I see. Well then."

Jadeite ended his stream.


Melvin continued to type on his keyboard.

He was still in a partial body cast and back brace, but his hands were free at last.

"I am the best," he told his stream of three.

One of the three logged off.

"Heh," said Melvin. "Everyone must have a lot to do today. I know I do!"

That's when Jadeite appeared in Melvin's room.

"AHA!" said Melvin. "So you finally found the guts to face me, instead of sending me a DOUBLE SWAT like some kind of monster!"

"U mad bro?" asked Jadeite.

"No," said Melvin. "I'm not the guy that got hit by an airstrike."

"But you're the guy who got hit by lightning," said Jadeite.

"Nope," said Melvin. "Not that one either."

That's when Jadeite shot lightning out of his palms.

Melvin was burnt to a crisp, but luckily he had the SWAT team on speed dial.

He didn't even have to say anything into the phone, and then the SWAT team instantly arrived in helicopters.

"Now you've done it!" yelled Jadeite. "You've doomed us both!"

Melvin tried to take his own life, but the SWAT team got him by the neck.

"You SWAT yourself, kid?" demanded the SWAT team. "Why I oughtta!"

The SWAT team threw Melvin on the ground, and took turns doing piledrivers until all 30 men got at least 2 turns.

Meanwhile, Jadeite decided it was all or nothing, and tried to throw a punch.

But that was the biggest mistake he ever made.

Jadeite got tasered from seven different angles, and built up so much electrostatic charge that Melvin was zapped to death.

Jadeite was then pummeled.

As a punch flew his way, Jadeite caught one of the SWAT member's arms, and then caused him to explode.

"AHHHH!" cried the SWAT team.

Jadeite spawned a bomb, and tried to throw it at the SWATTies.

But they defused it in mid-air, and then pummeled Jadeite with the empty shell.

It was still all or nothing, so Jadeite bit a man's leg and then threw a headbutt, killing another one.

But 20 SWAT members took its place, and threw five consecutive dropkicks, sending Jadeite into a whirlwind of pain.

Jadeite called an airstrike.

"Terrorists!" he yelled into the phone.

"Say no more," said the airstriker.

The SWAT team scattered like ants from water, but the airstrike wiped them all out.

Jadeite hung on by a thread of life, and laid there for ten days before he got the strength to teleport back to the Negaverse.

"I beat the SWAT team," he said.

FIN