Chapter 10

The day after

Lizzy sat in her uncle's carriage together with her uncle and Elizabeth. They were on their way to the docks.

Lizzy's first night back with her family had not been as restful as she had hoped. Since Elizabeth still slept in her bed, Lizzy had joined Jane. They both had been talking for a long time. Lizzy told Jane things that she had not told to the rest of her family. She told about Mr Darcy's proposal. And about his letter! She had not mentioned Mr Bingley though.

That afternoon, after Lizzy came back downstairs from her bath, Mr Darcy had still been there. He was in deep conversation with her uncle and aunt. She heard them talking about Derbyshire and Lambton. Lizzy knew that that was where her aunt had grown up, and, since it was in the vicinity of Pemberley, both she and Mr Darcy knew some of the same people and were now in an animated conversation about the area. Again Lizzy was surprised to see such an open countenance by Mr Darcy. In the past he seemed to have been wearing a mask, always looking severe and haughty. She wondered if he only did that to keep people that he didn't like, at a distance. But why would he look at her in the same way, as he had done as well, if he professed to love her? She found him still one of the most confusing men in her acquaintance.

Mr Gardiner had excused himself and somehow Mr Darcy had managed to speak with her out of earshot of anyone else. Elizabeth had felt some apprehension, to once more have to converse with the man. He had said: "I know this must be awkward for you, but I really must apologise to you. After… our conversation on Sunday, I have had a lot of time to think. And I realise now how appalling I was. I really apologise for the way I spoke about your family. Disguise of every sort is my abhorrence, but I now realise that some things are better left unmentioned."

"Sir, does this not make it worse? Because you still had been thinking those things!"

He coloured. "I see I am still making a right mess of myself. I also now realise that you never expected a proposal, that my behaviour towards you did not give any inclination into that direction, as I had thought previously. I must admit that earlier in our acquaintance I did not wish to raise expectations for reasons I will not repeat. But later, especially at Rosings, I thought that you must have noticed it and, as I said, expected my question." He stopped.

"Excuse me for still speaking about it. I am sure you do not wish me to repeat my sentiments, which were on Sunday so disgusting to you. On that evening I wrote a letter to you, because I wanted to explain some of my actions. I hoped to see you on the morning after, so I could give you the letter, but that was when you were gone." Now he took a letter out of his pocket and handed it to her.

"I hope you will do me the honour of reading it. I do realise it is a bit dated now, but the explanation still stands. If you have questions about it, I will answer them gladly."
Lizzy took the letter tentatively from his hands. Then he stood up, bowed at her and walked away.

Lizzy had read the letter, and a few times more after that.
She was absolutely shocked about what Mr Darcy wrote regarding his sister and Mr Wickham. She could not believe how deceived she had been!

She remembered Annamaria's warning, that it was not wise to trust a man at so short an acquaintance; and to find a way to hear both sides of the story. Here was that other side, in the letter. And it must be true! She could not believe that Mr Darcy would make up such a horrible tale about his sister. So it must be the truth! How ashamed she felt.

She still could not forgive him the way he had spoken about her family, but she started to see how appalling her own behaviour had been! Thinking about the times that she had been in his company, she now realised that maybe the man was not haughty, but rather very shy.
And there he was on Sunday, making himself vulnerable in front of her! He had talked about his feelings; something that people in their society hardly ever did. And instead of showing him respect for it - what he deserved – she had been incredibly rude, intent on hurting him.

She had sat with her head in her hands for a while, so truly ashamed of herself, of how much pain she had caused him. Was there a way she could make amends? She had expected to never see him again, yet here he was, befriending her own family! He had said how worried he had been for her health! He had been faithfully visiting in these past days, even though it must have been mortifying for him.

She then had looked in his direction. He was just saying his goodbye to her family and caught her eye. She could only nod at him. He seemed slightly relieved at this gesture.
Later on her uncle had said that when they would go to the docks, they would meet Mr Darcy there, for Mr Gardiner had invited him to come with them.

And now they were on their way. Jane and their aunt had decided to stay at home. Elizabeth seemed to feel well enough to come too. Lizzy had been shocked to witness the lady's bout of sickness in the morning. Elizabeth had told her then that she was with child. The previous day, the doctor had told her. It seemed that now they knew that Elizabeth was in fact married, there was no need to hide it. Jane told later on how worried she had been. Since they had assumed it was her and not Miss Swann. Lizzy could imagine their mortification.
"What would you have done if it was me?" She had asked. "Oh Lizzy, I was truly shocked. But both our aunt and uncle said that we would take care of you no matter what."
It was very strange still, to talk with her namesake. The lady still looked quite unwell and frequently seemed to be plagued by headaches. They still didn't know what the cause was. They hoped to find that out today.
Uncle Gardiner's footman had come back with the news that the ship was still there and that people did remember Miss Swann's presence. They now hoped they could speak with some people and solve the rest of the mystery.

Lizzy looked forward to see her friend again for one last time.

She was a bit nervous about meeting Mr Darcy again. She had been thinking about how she had fully expected him to be disgusted by her behaviour of the past days and to clearly see his disapproval. But instead he had shown curiosity and fascination. Her uncle had told her he and Mr Darcy had spoken about her uncle's business and about opportunities to work together. Mr Darcy may be a landed gentleman, but he was involved in various business enterprises, mainly as a patron or a creditor. Uncle had said that he admired Mr Darcy's sharpness of mind and his desire to learn. He had been very interested to hear about all Mr Gardiner was involved in.

Elizabeth felt nervous. Would she meet people today who knew what had happened to her? Would she meet people from her past? She knew Lizzy was going to meet with Annamaria again. She wondered what that woman's reaction would be when she saw them together.

When they arrived, the first thing they noticed was Mr Darcy waiting for them at the spot they had agreed on. He was very solicitous and asked after Elizabeth's health. Then they all set off in the direction of Annamaria's ship, Mr Darcy offering his arm to Lizzy and Mr Gardiner followed them with Elizabeth on his arm.
There was a lot of noise and activity near the ship.

Lizzy saw Jim first and called him.
Then she felt ashamed at raising her voice.
Jim walked towards them. "Elizabeth? And? Elizabeth? How is this possible?" He truly looked so shocked that both ladies had to laugh.
"Do not worry, Jim. We ourselves can hardly believe it yet. I am Elizabeth Bennet as you know, and this is Elizabeth Swann as you probably recognised."
The man took Elizabeth's hand.
"It is you!" he exclaimed.

Elizabeth blushed a bit. "I think I recognise you," she said.
"How are you, Miss Swann? Or do I have to call you Mrs Turner? I remember that you got married."
She nodded. "You may call me either of them, although, thinking of it, maybe Mrs Turner would be better."

Lizzy and Mr Gardiner nodded. Yes, of course. As she was with child, it would be best that people knew that she was actually a married woman.

Now Lizzy introduced Mr Gardiner and Mr Darcy to Jim.
Then the latter took them over the gangplank up on the ship.
"Cap'n!" He shouted. "We have visitors!"
Annamaria came out of her cabin. "Elizabeth! You came back!"
Lizzy laughed. "Did you doubt me?"
"No, I did not. But I had resolved that I did not really mind the money. However, I am very glad to see you again, and… is that the real Miss Swann?" She now looked equally shocked, as did everyone else who walked past them.
"It is me, Annamaria. I recognise you!"
Annamaria raised her eyebrows.

"You see, I lost my memory for some reason. Lizzy's uncle found me in this area on Monday and thought I was his niece. He took me to his house and I have been there ever since. Until Lizzy returned yesterday I had loose flashes of memories, but when she told about what you all had been telling about me, most memories came back. Now I only need to find out what happened to me to lose my memory in the first place."
"Well, it really is a surprise to see you again!"

Lizzy then introduced her uncle and Mr Darcy. Annamaria raised her eyebrows once more when she heard the gentleman's name. Lizzy coloured.
"Can I offer you some refreshments?" Annamaria asked. "We've got fresh food aboard again, you know." They declined politely but accepted her offer of a tour over the ship.

Being on a ship invoked more memories by Elizabeth and she did not pay much attention to her companions. Instead she was lost in thought. Various conversations with Will resurfaced and it pained her that she would have to wait so long before she would hear his voice again.

Later on, Annamaria managed to speak with Lizzy alone and asked her about the presence of Mr Darcy. Lizzy explained all that had happened since she had arrived at Gracechurch street and what she had spoken of with that gentleman since. "You were right, Annamaria," she said. "He offered some explanation and it has left me thoroughly ashamed of my own conduct."
"Well, I'm sure it will all work out, now you have made up," Annamaria said.
"Made up? Not really. And I doubt about it working out. I am sure he will soon loose whatever feelings he has for me, after the way I treated him."
Annamaria laughed. "I am not so sure about that. I see the way he looks at you."
Lizzy blushed of mortification. "Let us stop talking about it, please.
Now, is all going according to schedule?" she asked. "Will you be able to sail out tomorrow?"
Annamaria nodded. "I am fairly sure we will. Most cargo is loaded now."

Mr Gardiner wished to speak with Annamaria. Later on he told the others that he had made a business deal with her. She would bring some specific goods back for him whenever she came back to England. Lizzy was delighted to hear it, for it meant there would be a chance that in the future she would see her friend again.

While Mr Gardiner and Annamaria were talking, and Elizabeth stood on deck, staring out over the water, Mr Darcy and Lizzy stood together.

Mr Darcy look anxiously at Lizzy. "Have you… read my letter?" He asked.
She nodded, with her eyes averted.
"I am very, very ashamed of how I treated you, Mr Darcy. I am so sorry."
"Miss Elizabeth, please do not take the blame. What did you say that I did not deserve to hear? You have opened my eyes to my own conduct. It has hurt me, yes, but it was for my own good."
She looked at him, a bit disbelieving.
"Truly, Miss Elizabeth, you have nothing to reproach yourself for!"

"Still, I do feel it. Talking with Annamaria some days ago, opened my eyes a bit to my inability to read other people's characters. I will endeavour to learn and improve myself from now on!"
He smiled for the first time in their conversation.
"And so will I! Now, Miss Elizabeth," He sounded shy again. "I do not wish to lose your acquaintance. May I… may I call on you?"

Lizzy stared at him. Did he mean that? She hesitated. She was not sure if she wanted it. Even though he had explained how he came to his conclusions about Jane and his reasons behind his actions, the fact still stood that he had separated her from Mr Bingley.

"What about my sister?" she asked.
He looked down. "It is now clear that I was mistaken. I will find a way to mention Miss Bennet to Bingley."
"Will you own to your mistakes towards him?"
"Do you wish me to?"
"Yes! I think he should know the truth and then he should be the one to decide what his next action will be. I did realise – no offence to your friend – that he might be a bit too easily persuadable. I think that he should learn to make his own decisions."

"Another mistake of mine," Mr Darcy said. "Instead of helping him to make his own decisions, too easily I made those decisions for him. And his sisters have their own ways to get him to do what they want.
Excuse me, I should not wish to speak ill of my friends."
Lizzy laughed. "I am afraid it was I who infected you to speak so frankly. After all, I started it." Then she became thoughtful.

"In the few days that I was with these people on this ship, I have learned so many things. One of the things was, that what our society dictates, is not always the best for people. And it's definitely not universal. I have learned a lot from Annamaria. I have learned that it is sometimes best to say things as clear as possible. In our society we are very good in skirting around the edges and not saying exactly what we mean, simply because it might not be polite."

They were interrupted by Mr Gardiner who said they must go.
It was very important that they took the time to talk with people on the Margarita, as it turned out this was the ship that brought Elizabeth to London.
They said their farewells to Annamaria and her crew and then left the ship.

Soon they found the other ship and Mr Gardiner asked permission to speak to the captain.
He invited them on board and was surprised to see the ladies.
"Miss, such a surprise to see you again," He said to Elizabeth. "You look better than when you left us on Monday, I must say."

"Sir," she asked shyly. "I wish to know how I came to be on board of your ship. I do not know what happened to me and I am trying to find out."
"Ah," he said. "We thought you must have lost your memory! Every time we asked you if you knew your name, or where you were going, you did not know."

"My name is Elizabeth Turner," she then said. "My friends helped me figure it out. What do you know?"
He first asked them to sit down.

Then he said. "We were on our way to England, only just had left the Caribbean. One morning someone spotted you in the water afloat on a piece of debris. We carried you on board. You were unconscious and remained so for most of the voyage. We tended to your wounds and a few of my crew nursed you. Only some days before we came here, you finally woke up, but you appeared so thoroughly confused and could not tell us anything. When coming here, we thought it best that you would stay here and find help. I did notice that someone spoke to you. I believe it was you, Mr Gardiner. I am glad it all worked out."

"So," Elizabeth said softly. "You found me floating in sea. Did I have my head wound then?"
The captain nodded. "It took a long time before it finally started to heal. We were worried that you would not survive."

Elizabeth now looked a little bit disappointed.
"This means we still don't know how I came to be at sea and what caused my injury."
"It is very likely that the ship you were on, was shipwrecked, although we did not find other evidence for that. The only thing you were carrying with you, was that chest. We were surprised that you had not lost it at sea. And we simply could not pry it from your hand."

Elizabeth coloured. "Thank you for not forcing me to give it up. I would not have survived without it." This she was convinced of.
"Yes," the captain said. "We noticed that whenever your fever was raging and you were tossing and turning, it was the chest that calmed you down."

"We thank you so much for your time, captain!" Mr Gardiner said. "I do believe your information has helped us on. My niece told me that your ship was delayed?"
The captain looked at Lizzy. She explained. "I was on board of the Diamond for a few days. They told me you had planned to leave on Monday."
"Yes, we were delayed because of the weather and some other things. But this afternoon we will sail out."
"How fortunate," said Mr Gardiner, "that we found you just in time!"

They all thanked him and then left the ship.

By now, Elizabeth was thoroughly exhausted and once more her head was pounding. It had been a long morning and there had been many revelations.

They went back to the coach. Mr Gardiner helped Elizabeth in and Mr Darcy helped Lizzy.
"Miss Elizabeth. You have not answered my question yet."
She knew instantly what he meant. "If I may ask you to try to rectify the situation with your friend, then yes, you may call on me."
Such a big smile now appeared on Mr Darcy's face as she had never seen on him before. It made her blush.
"I will see to it!" he replied. "Until tomorrow."
"Until then," she answered.

Coming home, Elizabeth felt so wretched that she went straight to bed. Unfortunately, it brought no rest. She was plagued with horrible dreams. She dreamt that she was on a ship in a terrible storm. It almost felt worse than any storm she had previously experienced. Seasickness overtook her; something that had never happened to her before. She was in a little cabin and felt the walls closing in on her. She had to get out! With her last efforts, she made it to the deck and breathed in the sea air. It instantly calmed her and she felt better already.

Then, without warning, something knocked her in the head and before she could utter any sound, she was swept overboard.

Drenched in sweat she woke up.
Lizzy sat next to her and gave her a damp cloth to wipe her forehead.

"I… such a horrible dream." She stopped. The picture was so vivid. She felt the tossing of the sea, the wind blowing, she heard the noises of the ship as if it was ingrained in her memory. She could feel landing in the sea, trying to stay afloat until she found a piece of wood. It was big enough for her to climb on. Then she had noticed the blood trickling out of the stinging wound on her forehead, before losing consciousness.

She opened her eyes and hugged the chest. Slowly her breathing returned to normal.
"I think… I just found out what happened to me. The dream was horrible, but it was part of the memory. I remember being on a ship in a heavy storm, I went on deck, because I felt sick and then was hit by something, which then swept me overboard. I guess that explains the rest."

She took some deep breaths, to dispel the strong emotions that were coursing through her.

Lizzy was stroking her hand.
"I hope that, now you know what happened, it will help you to recover. But," she mused. "What a miracle that you never lost the chest."

Elizabeth shivered at the thought. "Please do not speak of it. It would be my biggest fear!"

A.N. Yay! I managed to write another chapter! :-) I hope you enjoyed it. Now there should be one more chapter and an epilogue.