"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Hmm," said Beryl. "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."

Jadeite continued. "Well, it seems that the human population density in the area of Tokyo that we have been targeting is not that high."

"What does this mean?" asked Beryl.

"It means we should try focusing on a more urban section of Tokyo."

"There's a district more urban than Juuban?" asked Beryl.

"Yes," said Jadeite. "Goodbye."

He picked up his suitcase and left, and grabbed his hat off the coatrack on the way out.

He passed by Nephrite at the vending machine.

"Heyo," said Nephrite. He waited for a response but Jadeite kept walking.

"That Jadeite," said Nephrite. He didn't finish his sentence, and instead put a quarter in the machine.

Jadeite teleported over to Zoisite.


He saw an odd sight. Zoisite was on the ground, laying on Kunzite's knee and crying.

"I hate Nephrite," said Zoisite.

"There there," said Kunzite.

"Uh, hey," said Jadeite. "Is this some kind of pity jamboree?"

"Jadeite!" yelled Kunzite. "I can't believe you're so willing to die!"

"Hey, don't get like that," said Jadeite. "You let stray Youmas watch this spectacle."

"Actually," said Kunzite. "That was a different time."

"Go away, Kunzite," said Jadeite. "This is between me and Zoisite."

"What?!" said Kunzite. "No!"

"Sorry," said Jadeite.

"Kunzite," said Zoisite. "Get rid of Jadeite. Actually, first get rid of Nephrite. And Beryl if you have time."

"Errr," said Kunzite. "I'm a pacifist."

Kunzite left.

"Way to go, Jadeite," said Zoisite. "We were having a good time before you ruined it."

"I could tell," said Jadeite. "But Zoisite, an urgent matter has arose."

"What is it?" asked Zoisite.

"You and I must take on the big city."

"Why me?" said Zoisite. "Surely there are many other colorful characters you can take in my place! I'm sure Kenji's always up for a business trip!"

"Sorry, but it has to be you," said Jadeite.

"No," said Zoisite. "It could be anyone. Or you could just go alone."

"No," insisted Jadeite. "I was browsing through a plot list, and for some reason there was a bullet saying 'Jed and Zoi take on the Big City.' I don't know how it got there, all I know is that it has to happen."

"Sorry," said Zoisite. "The big city's not for me. If you need a chapter idea so bad, try killing Queen Beryl and see where that leads."

"You really think I could beat her?" asked Jed.

Zoisite thought about it. "No, her feats are above yours."

"Wrong," said Jadeite. "She can't move planes. And I stopped the Moon Tiara. All Beryl did was get killed by a single rose."

"Oh wow," said Zoisite. "Even I survived those."

"But it was a rose with divine energy put into it. So Beryl's feats are above yours," explained Jadeite.

"Wrong," said Zoisite. "Look Jadeite, I'm too busy for this nonsense. Me and Kunzite have great plans."

Suddenly Zoisite's phone rang.

"Hey," said Kunzite. "The plans have been cancelled. Queen Beryl says she is going to break the world record in how many bowling pins can be juggled at once, and she needs me there to record it."

"Drat!" said Zoisite. "That Beryl is such a pest!"

"Farewell," said Kunzite.

"Heh," said Jadeite. "Looks like you're free for the next couple weeks."

"D'ah," said Zoisite. "Alright, let's do this."


Jadeite and Zoisite stood on the subway, holding on to the handle for dear life.

"Ahhh," said Jadeite. "City life is already off to a good start."

"Why don't we have seatbelts in Japan, or some kind of better method than holding onto this thing?" asked Zoisite.

"City life," said Jadeite. "Love it or leave it."

"Why didn't we just teleport there?" asked Zoisite.

"Zoisite," said Jadeite. "This won't work if you keep asking questions. City folk don't complain."


Jadeite and Zoisite arrived in the big city.

"Wow, this place is huge," said Zoisite. "Now how do we go about taking it on?"

"First," said Jadeite. "We need to rent out an apartment."

"A human apartment?" asked Zoisite. "I hope it's not too much of a downgrade from my castle."

"Yes," said Jadeite. "We must also get jobs. Zoisite, you will work at a coffee shop, and I am an inspired writer who spends my day typing up my story in that very same coffee shop. However I never finish a project. Yet, I make a regular wage off the GoFundMe for my projects! So we each earn half the rent!"

"The city life is confusing," said Zoisite. "Is working at a coffee shop the only job available?"

"Heavens no," said Jadeite. He left it at that.

"Can I be something else?" asked Zoisite.

Jadeite stopped walking. "Do you want to go home?" he asked.

"No," said Zoisite.

"Good," said Jadeite. "Then this is how things will be."

Jadeite ran out into the street and threw himself on the windshield of a cab, breaking the windshield.

The cab stopped and he climbed inside.

"Get in!" he called to Zoisite.

Zoisite opened the door and started putting his suitcases in.

"Sorry," said Jadeite. "But this is where us and the luggage part ways. There's not enough room."

"Yes there is," said Zoisite. "Just let me pack it in."

"Aye, no time for that!" said the cab driver, taking off at 120 miles an hour.

Zoisite sprinted after the cab.

He finally caught up and leapt in.

"RIP luggage," said Zoisite. "If I would have known, I wouldn't have brought any. Now some random person will get it and have a field day."

The cab neared the apartment building, and Jadeite tipped the driver an American nickel.

"Hey!" said the cab driver. "We don't accept that!"

"Sorry," said Jadeite. "Jump and roll!" he yelled.

They leapt out of the moving cab, and the cab didn't stop and kept going off into the distance.

"Good work," said Jadeite. "This is where our apartment is."

"Big apartment," said Zoisite.

"No," said Jadeite. "That's the building. Our apartment is just one of the many rooms."

They entered the building.

"Where's the elevator?" asked Zoisite, and Jadeite let out a hardy laugh.

They climbed the stairs and entered the room.

"Nice room," said Zoisite. "You really pulled some strings."

"Ye," said Jadeite. "I'll sleep in this corner. You can sleep in that corner or that corner."

"Wait," said Zoisite. "Where's the bedroom?"

"No bedroom," said Jadeite. "It's a 0 bedroom apartment. But at least we have a window where we can look out at the people passing by in the city."

"Nice," said Zoisite. "What about a kitchen?"

"No kitchen," said Jadeite. "You work at a coffee shop, so I'm sure they'll give you some food as a bonus."

"Why do we have no bedrooms but a huge flat screen TV?"

"That's just how it works," said Jadeite. "I need to watch Toradora on the TV."

"Jadeite," said Zoisite. "That anime's from like 2008. They're not gonna just show it on TV."

"…They're not?" asked Jadeite.

"Can we sell the TV and buy some beds, or maybe an apartment with a bedroom?"

"No," said Jadeite. "It's attached to the wall. Not even the strongest person on Earth can take it from that wall."

"D'ah," said Zoisite. "Do we at least have sleeping bags?"

"No," said Jadeite. "Don't you remember that us and the luggage parted ways?"

"Can we spawn some?" pleaded Zoisite.

"That would be cheating," said Jadeite. "We're disguised as humans right now."

"Oh," said Zoisite. "Is this going to lead to collecting energy?"

"No," said Jadeite. "I vaguely implied to Beryl that it would, but I have no intentions of collecting energy on this mission."

They settled in, and Jadeite turned on the TV and turned to the Sailor V show.

"I hate the Sailor Scouts," said Jadeite. "Why am I not in this show? I'm the Sailor Scouts' number one enemy!"

"Fun fact, Jadeite," said Zoisite. "During the Alan and An arc of Season 2, someone was dressed up as you in a Sailor Moon play."

"Ah, yes!" said Jadeite. "I was the only Shitennou that was seen city-wide by humans, when I threatened to burn down the city! I'm so glad they acknowledged that."

"Yeah," said Zoisite. "I thought it was a good cameo."

Zoisite laid down in the corner.

"No, not that corner," said Jadeite. "If I need to leave out that door, such as to go to the bathroom on this floor, I will hit you."

"Sad," said Zoisite. He rolled to the other corner.

"Goodnight Jed," said Zoisite.

"Night Zoi Boy," said Jadeite.


Zoisite woke up early in the morning to go to the coffee shop.

"It must be nice to be on a free schedule like Jed," he said. "But he doesn't have a minimal wage, or regular paychecks."

Zoisite left while Jadeite was still sleeping.

Two hours later Jadeite woke up, and went down to the coffee shop with his laptop.

He sat down at the booth with his name on it, and opened up the laptop.

"Today's the day," he said. "I'll come up with the perfect light novel!"

"Just don't distract me while I'm working," called Zoisite.

"Yes," said Jadeite. "I'll take the regular."

Zoisite was still learning the ropes, but managed to pour him a cup of black coffee.

"No," said Jadeite pouring it on the ground. "I meant my regular. Since I'm here every day, even when it's closed."

"Ah, sorry," said Zoisite. "I'm a new employee. I'll go get my manager."

"Yes," said the manager. "I'll tell you what this man's regular is. We actually named an item on the menu after him. It's called Jed's Regular, and it's a funny joke because he orders the regular, and he's actually ordering the regular. He's 90% of our business, and is pretty much our mascot."

"He's just using the money I earn here to buy all his snacks," said Zoisite. "You might as well just not pay me at all and let Jadeite eat what he wants."

"Good idea," said the boss.

Jadeite worked hard that day, and finally he came up with an idea.

"Zoisite!" he said, calling him over.

"What is it?" said Zoisite.

"Zoisite!" repeated Jadeite. "You're well-informed with the Otaku community, right?"

"No," said Zoisite. "I don't even know what that means."

Jadeite shook his head. "Anyway, has there ever been a piece of literature…"

Zoisite waited anxiously.

"Where there is one male character… And not a single other character! Not one! No girls, no boys, just the MC! And all he does is just walk around and think about the world, but without a single other living being seen."

"That's groundbreaking," said Zoisite.

"Yes," said Jadeite. "It's my new breakthrough. I better copyright it right away!"

"One day you'll get us out of this coffee shop," said Zoisite.

"Yes," said Jadeite. "But it will take a lot of work before I'm able to write this story. So meanwhile I'll write poems for my own enjoyment. I wrote a poem about this coffee shop, actually. Would you like to hear?"

"Sorry," said Zoisite. "I'm working right now."

"Zoisite," said Jadeite. "What does that sign say?"

Zoisite didn't even have to turn around to guess what it said. "The customer is always right," said Zoisite.

"No," said Jadeite. "I was pointing to the menu. We don't have a sign saying that here, but it should be implied."

"You're asking me what the menu says?" said Zoisite. "Why don't you just get up and read it?"

"I can't," said Jadeite. "I'm inspired."

"You know the menu by heart," said Zoisite.

"Yes," said Jadeite. "But I wanna make sure you do."

"Besides," continued Zoisite. "You only order the same item every time."

"One day I'll change things up," said Jadeite. "You better be ready. Anyway, let's hear my poem.

The coffee shop.

Is it a prison?

Or

A haven?

Coffee

Coffee beans

Typing.

Big City.

The life of a flower is short and full of suffering.

The coffee shop."

"How did you like it?" asked Jadeite.

"It was very good," said Zoisite. "But I think you should stop fooling around and write your book, so we can get out of here."

"Maybe not today," said Jadeite. "Maybe not tomorrow. But I will tell my story."


Nephrite waited at his soda machine, but something was off.

"Where is everybody?" he wondered. "Someone usually walks by by now."

No one walked by for the next five hours, so Nephrite marched straight down to Queen Beryl's throne room.

It was uninhabited.

"Very odd," said Nephrite.


Jed and Zoi headed back to the apartment, by walking of course.

"The streets are too crowded!" said Zoisite. "And there's litter everywhere!"

"Yes," said Jadeite. "As is the city life!"

"Jadeite, look out!" said Zoisite. "A homeless bum! Steer left!"

"Is it Yuuichiro, AKA Chad?" asked Jadeite hopefully.

"No," said Zoisite. "Jadeite, why are you walking towards him!?"

"Spare some change?" said the homeless man.

"No," said Jadeite. "Here is my empty coffee cup. In a hundred years, you can sell it on Ebay for $20."

"I'll kill you!" yelled the homeless man as they walked away.

They walked three miles to their apartment and trudged up the steps.

Once inside, Zoisite threw himself to the floor.

"My feet hurt," he said. "It was a long day at work."

"Yes," said Jadeite. "My hands hurt from typing so little."

"I'm starting to think you never actually intend to finish your projects, because you never go to the next step of seeing some kind of publisher!" said Zoisite.

"You can't go to a publisher with an unfinished project," said Jadeite. "Luckily we're able to pay the bills by GoFundMe. That site is the best thing that's ever happened. People pay me for doing nothing!"

"Aha!" said Zoisite. "You know you do nothing!"

"Yes," said Jadeite. "You should make a GoFundMe too. There are many rich people just throwing money around. Call your page, 'young boy takes on the city,' and see if you get any donations."

"What is yours called?" asked Zoisite.

"Mine's called FNAF 6," said Jadeite. "And I pose as the creator for Five Nights at Freddy's."

"Smart," said Zoisite.

"Things have gone downhill though after the real creator tried to get my page shutdown," said Jadeite. "But I said he was the fake! Since we were on the internet, he couldn't prove anything!"

"Jadeite, I think-"

"Wait," said Jadeite. "A poem is coming to me. Be quiet."

Zoisite waited for 20 minutes, as Jadeite typed vigorously on his laptop.

"Would you like to hear it?" he asked.

"Do I have a choice?" asked Zoisite.

Jadeite didn't even answer, and instead answered by reading his poem.

"Window.

Is it open or closed?

Window to my soul?

People

Walking.

People

Living.

I am dying.

The life of a flower is short and full of suffering.

I hate my life.

Apartment.

Carpet.

Zoi boy."

"See?" said Jadeite. "Every poem I write, I work in the same line. It's my signature trade mark."

"That one was dark," said Zoisite. "Thanks for including me though."

"One day I'll make one about planes," said Jadeite. "If the inspiration comes to me."

"Now you're pushing off your poems too, which you originally started doing to procrastinate your writing?" asked Zoisite. "You need to grab life by the horns, and get stuff done!"

"I wish it were that simple," said Jadeite.

"I think we're done with the city life," said Zoisite. "It's time to go back to the suburbs."

"Good idea," said Jadeite.

He threw his laptop out the window, hitting a child and killing him.

Jadeite punched the flat screen TV, shattering it.

"We have to leave no traces," said Jadeite.

He walked out the door, and Zoisite dashed after him.

"I'm surprised you went so willingly," said Zoisite. "I thought you were gonna be all mad and say we've only been here for two days."

"Yes," said Jadeite. "But I couldn't stand the thought of having to come up with another poem, let alone another story. I could write beautiful works, but it's not worth the emotional toll it will take on me."

They headed down the sidewalk.

"It's late," said Zoisite. "I hope we can make it out of this without some kind of incident."

"Look over there, on the horizon," said Jadeite. "That's the suburbs. We're getting close now!"

Suddenly a hoodlum leapt into the path, blocking Jadeite and Zoisite.

"Money," he demanded, pointing a gun on Zoisite.

"Fine," said Jadeite, giving him an American nickel.

"What is this?" said the mugger.

Jadeite socked him in the chops, instantly killing him.

"This isn't good," said Jadeite. "The city life has turned on us. It's not going to let us escape."

"What does that mean?!" demanded Zoisite, getting panicked.

"It's time we take on the big city," said Jadeite.

"Again!?" said Zoisite, losing his mind.

"No," said Jadeite. "This time, I mean literally. The city will not let us leave, unless we take its life."

"Jadeite, that's crazy talk!" said Zoisite. "Snap out of it!"

"Look out!" yelled Jadeite, leaping into the air.

The big city threw a powerful punch, knocking Zoisite off his feet.

"That was just a warm-up," said the big city.

"I'd hope so," said Jadeite. "Your movements are sluggish and predictable."

"Take that back!" yelled the big city.

Jadeite threw a leaping kick, and the big city was stunned.

Jadeite shot lightning out of his palms, inflicting some damage.

"Tag in!" Jadeite called to Zoisite. "I can't take on the big city without you!"

"D'aww, really?" said Zoisite.

That's when the big city threw an overhead mallet punch, and Zoisite leapt out of the way.

Zoisite shot petals at the big city, but it had no effect.

The big city threw three consecutive blows, wiping Jed off the map.

"Go on without me!" he said.

"No!" said Zoisite. "We said we would take on the big city together!"

Zoisite used his powers to levitate a taxi, and tossed it right at the big city's spine.

It injured the big city, and the big city retaliated with a barrage of blows.

Only half landed, but Zoisite dropped to the ground.

"No!" he said. "This beast is too strong!"

The big city sent another blow his way, but Zoisite tanked it.

Zoisite turned to where Jadeite had been laying, but the only thing lying there was rubble.

"No!" said Zoisite. "Big city, you monster! He was just an inspired author, trying to make something of himself!"

Zoisite threw a powerful blow, but the big city retaliated with its own, and Zoisite's blow was absorbed and returned at tenfold.

Zoisite was tossed into a building, and was finished.

But that's when Jadeite came riding in on a plane.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Jadeite.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the city.

Right as Jadeite collided with the big city, time froze around him.

He began reciting a poem in his head.

"Big city.

Big pity.

Hopes, dreams, moon beams.

Big buildings

Small opportunities.

Life is precious.

Coffee.

Apartment.

Fate.

People.

These things, together, is what one would call fate."

Time resumed, and Jadeite leapt back as the plane exploded, sending the big city into peril.

"THE LIFE OF A FLOWER," howled Jadeite out loud, finishing the poem that was in his head. "IS SHORT! AND FULL OF SUFFERING!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the big city, as Jadeite threw the killing blow.

The big city took its life before Jadeite's blow landed.

But it had the same effect, and the big city dropped dead.

"Good work," said Zoi boy, crawling to his feet. "How did you survive several blows from the big city?"

"Easy," said Jadeite. "I just tanked them. If you brace yourself right before the hit lands, it lessens the damage. One would call it a superguard."

"Good work," repeated Zoisite.

They left the big city.