"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Hot diggity dog!" said Beryl. "Tell me your new source."

"Alright," said Jadeite with a smirk. "I will take the energy from lovers, with a lovers' cruise. I'll take everyone out to sea on my majestic cruise ship, the biggest and best in the entire world! And then they'll have nowhere to run!"

"Hmm," said Beryl. "Some of your plans seem to be getting repetitive."

"Shut up," said Jadeite. "I don't see you coming up with anything, genius."

Beryl was mad but didn't know how to express it.

"Alright, go ahead with the plan then," she resigned.

Jadeite nodded, and then took off into the Negaverse halls.

But suddenly, he skidded to a halt, and did a double take when he saw Zoisite camping the soda machine instead of Nephrite.

"What did you do to him?!" demanded Jadeite.

"Nothing," said Zoisite. "I'm just waiting for him to appear."

"Yeah right," said Jadeite. "If he was alive, he'd be here."

"Jadeite, I heard about your plan," said Zoisite. "And I want in."

"I don't know about that," said Jadeite. "Last time you and me had a chapter, we went off to live in the big city. And it did not go well."

"No," said Zoisite. "However, I believe the other Shitennou will be coming too."

"What makes you think that?" asked Jed.

"Just a hunch," said Zoisite.

Suddenly there was a splash of water.

"Fisheye?" asked Zoisite.

"No," said Thetis. "I am the Thetis."

"Hey," said Zoisite. "Is that a human in the Negaverse?!"

Thetis took her Youma form.

"No," said Thetis. "I can't allow you to go on that cruise with my Jadeite."

"Whose Jadeite?" asked Jadeite.

"Don't play hard to get," giggled Thetis.

"Sorry but this cruise is the event of the century," said Zoisite. "We can't have some primitive Youma messing it up."

"Primitive?!" demanded Thetis. "I am Queen Beryl's precious Youma, and one of the most intelligent out there."

"Nice," said Zoisite. "But I'm one of Beryl's most precious Shitennou! Our ranks are a world apart!"

"No," said Jadeite. "I think Endymion is her favorite Shitennou."

"No," said Zoisite. "He's her favorite person, but I'm her favorite Shitennou."

"I need to come, because I'm the only one who can turn a pile of garbage into a boat," argued Thetis.

"No," said Kunzite, who hears everything.

He teleported in in a flashy display.

"I can just spawn a boat, Jadeite," said Kunzite. "Nephrite spawned a house."

Nephrite was approaching his soda machine when he spotted some kind of carnival outside.

"What is this?!" demanded Nephrite. "Is this some kind of jamboree?"

"Yes," said Thetis.

That's when Zoisite fired a beam, and Thetis was no more.

Zoisite got rowdy and fired one at Nephrite.

Nephrite ate the beam and spit it back out, and Zoisite pretended that never happened.

"So Jadeite, when's the cruise?" asked Nephrite.

"No," said Jadeite. "This is my plan! You will just mess it up, and then take all the credit! But only if it's successful! If it's not, you'll tell Beryl you weren't even there! It's a lose-lose situation for me!"

"Easy now," said Zoisite. "What do you take us for? Some pack of hooligans?"

"Yes," said Jadeite.

"D'ah," said Zoisite.

"Don't worry," said Kunzite. "We won't meddle in your energy business. We're just coming for the luls."

"Hmm… I don't know," said Jadeite, still not convinced.

"I'll spawn you a boat since your Youma is dead," said Kunzite. "How's that sound, boy?"

"You drive a hard bargain," admitted Jadeite. "Fine. But don't draw any attention to yourselves, just enjoy the cruise. And make sure to show up dressed like a captain."


It was the day of the big cruise, and the boat left the dock.

"Hey Jed," said the Shitennou.

The only one who bothered putting on a costume was Nephrite, but it wasn't the right costume. It was just some kind of human jacket and pants.

"What are you posing as?!" demanded Jadeite. "Some kind of goofball?!"

"No," said Nephrite. "I'm Maxfield Stanton."

"So," said Zoisite. "We're taking love energy, right?"

"You're not taking anything," said Jadeite. "You said you wouldn't mess with my plan."

"Yeah, I did say that," said Zoisite. "However,"

Jadeite waited.

Zoisite didn't even bother finishing.

"I hate Zoisite," said Jadeite. "Why aren't you guys in costumes?"

"It's a disgrace to dress up as a sailor," said Kunzite.

"Noooo!" said Jadeite. "That's a different kind of Sailor uniform!"

"Eh," said Kunzite. "I don't do costumes. I'm not a clown."

"Watch it," warned Nephrite.

Jadeite looked around frantically. "How am I gonna ditch these guys?" he asked out loud.

Suddenly a wild human appeared.

"Howdy!" called Motoki. "Thank you for letting me ride your boat, cap'n!"

"Shut up," said Jadeite. "You paid money. Why would I not let you ride? And this was supposed to be a lovers' cruise, so why is a lonely boy like you here?"

"Nrrrr," said Motoki. "Actually, my wife Reika is here."

"That's a good one," said Jadeite. "Move along now."

"Hidy ho," said Melvin.

"We need to stop standing in the hall," said Nephrite.

"Hey Maxfield," said Melvin. "Who did you take as your date?"

"Shut up," said Nephrite.

"Did Molly reject you?" pursued Melvin.

"Did she reject you?" asked Nephrite.

"Yes," said Melvin. "But I'm here to find a girlfriend!"

"Good luck," said Jed. "Try not being such a dweeb."

"Oh I will!" promised Melvin. "Love, here I come!"

"Hey Nephrite," said Jadeite. "You hate that guy. Why don't you run along and go take his energy?"

"Hmm," said Nephrite. "No can do. This is your plan, Jadeite. I'm just a passive observer."

"Oh brother," said Jadeite. "Say, do you guys like fine dining?"

"Go on," said Zoisite.

"Well, there's a luxury buffet in the-"

The Shitennou were gone.

"Phew," said Jadeite. "Noisy bunch they are."

Jadeite took off to the captain's quarters.

But before that, he stood on the deck for a long time, feeling the ocean breeze.

"Mmmmmmmmm," he said. "If this Negaverse thing doesn't work out, I should become a sea captain!"

Jadeite walked up the steps, but bumped into someone on the way.

"Oh," apologized a woman. "You must be the captain."

"Why yes I am," said Jadeite proudly. "And what's your name, miss?"

"You can call me Haruna-sensei," said Haruna-sensei.

"Ah," said Jadeite. "I believe we've met before."

"No," said Haruna, not recognizing Captain Jed. "I'm pretty sure I'd recognize a tan man like yourself in Japan."

"True," said Jadeite. "So, are you here with a guy?"

"No," said Haruna sadly. "I just haven't found the one."

"It will get better," said Jadeite. "Wait a minute, why am I being so nice?"

"I don't know," said Haruna.

"Hmm," thought Jadeite. "It must be this tan disguise playing with my brain. Too much melanin."

Jadeite headed past Haruna.

"Goodbye," he said, not wanting to risk being nice again.

He sat down at the driver's seat, and piloted the ship for a long time.

"This is boring," he decided.

He put the ship on auto-steer and pulled out his graphing calculator.

He booted up his Pacman app, and began a very glitchy game that could not be completed.

"Heh heh," said Jadeite.

Suddenly there was a loud crash, and Ms. Haruna, who was standing across from Motoki who was cutting himself a piece of chicken, was thrown into the knife and sliced to pieces.

"AHHHHH!" screamed Motoki in horror. "OH MY GOODNESS!"

The Shitennou watched from their table.

"This is a fun cruise," said Zoisite.

But there was a bigger problem.

Jadeite ran down to the engine room.

"Oh no!" he thought. "Oh boy!"

He pulled the door open to see water rushing into the ship.

The Shitennou appeared.

"What's going on?" they demanded.

"I just filled up my buffet plate, just to have it go flying," complained Nephrite.

"I don't know," said Jadeite. "I just put the ship on auto-steer to play glitchy graphing calculator Pacman, and now water's flowing in!"

"Jadeite," said Zoisite slowly. "There is no auto-steer. There's an auto-pilot on a plane because there's no obstacles."

"AHHHH!" screamed Jadeite. He took a bucket, and started pouring the water out the window. But it kept flowing in.

"NOOOOOOO!" he said.

"Want some help?" asked Kunzite.

"We don't have time for that!" yelled Jadeite. "We're sinking!"

Jadeite ran upstairs to warn the passengers.

"Drat," said Kunzite. "I should have just patched the boat! But there's too much water now. Sad day."

"Attention!" yelled Jadeite over the microphone, interrupting the band that was playing. "We're going DOWWWWWN! AHHHHHH!"

Everyone started panicking.

"Don't panic!" yelled Jadeite, but everyone had already started and it was too late now.

They all headed for the lifeboats.

"Sorry," said a crew worker. "We don't have enough lifeboats for everyone on this boat, so women and children only!"

"Shoot!" said Mamoru Chiba. He put Usagi and Chibiusa on a lifeboat and took his own life like a real man.

"I'll never forget you, onii-sama!" cried Motoki's sister as she climbed on a lifeboat.

"I will always love you," promised Reika tearfully as she hopped on as well.

"I will wait for you in heaven," said Motoki.

He started to walk away, but then changed his mind.

Motoki went to hop on with them, but the crew members stopped him.

"We're sorry," they said. "But only women and children."

"NOOO!" said Motoki. "I need to live! For their sake!"

'I'll be fine," vowed Motoki's sister.

"Me too," said Reika.

"No, I can squeeze in!" yelled Motoki. He tried to get past the guys boarding people, but they pushed him back.

Motoki resorted to force, and tried to force his way through.

But they retaliated with their own display of force, and knocked Motoki to the ground.

"Have some class!" yelled a girl on the lifeboat.

'NOOOO!" screamed Motoki, getting angry. "Who are you guys to say who lives and who dies?!" he shouted at the boat loaders. "If I were you, I'd jump on the boat! Why do you care so much who gets on the boat when you're on the brink of death?! It should be every man for himself, winner takes all!"

"If we hopped on," said the guys, trying to speak logic to the crazed man, "Then no one could lower the boats. When we signed up for this job, we knew that we'd go down with our ship. And if we have to go down, we won't let some man escape instead of a woman or child."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Motoki. He threw himself as hard as he could, greatly injuring a crew member.

He then threw his body headfirst towards the boat.

But the other men that didn't board the lifeboats jumped in and held Motoki back.

"STOP IT, YOU ANIMALS!" yelled Motoki. "Don't you all want to live?!"

"No," said the men who had honor.

Motoki stormed off. "This isn't the end," he vowed.

The bottom floors of the ship were completely filled with water.

Chad died, because he was in the poor people's rooms on the lower floors.

"SHYYYYAAAA!" he wept.

"Wow," said Nephrite, as he and the other Shitennou stood amongst the chaos. "This is starting to be a tragedy."

That's when they spotted Melvin, who was dressed like a woman.

"Don't mind me!" said Melvin in a girl's voice. "Just a kind young girl trying to live on and give birth one day to keep the population growing!"

A crew member stopped him. They looked him over head-to-toe.

A bead of sweat dropped down Melvin's face, and he gulped.

"You're not a woman," the guy said finally.

"Yes I am," said Melvin. "I am a transsexual."

"Sorry," said the crew member. "Only biological girls and children."

"No!" said Melvin. "I'm a child! I'm young, like ten!"

"No," they said sadly, shaking their heads. "You look about 14, and that's the cut-off."

Melvin watched as they lowered the lifeboat he was standing near.

"Ok, fine," said Melvin. "I will die with dignity."

But then Melvin lost control, and screamed.

He threw himself off the boat faster than anyone could pick up, onto the partially lowered lifeboat.

He hit the boat with a loud thud, and clung onto the seat for dear life.

"Hey, get off!" said the girls.

"NOOOOO!" said Melvin. "I WANNA LIVE!"

But that's when the boat stopped lowering.

"I'm not lowering this thing any further until that delinquent gets off of it," stated a boat loader.

The girls thought the boat loader was bluffing, but as they sunk further and further, they realized it wasn't a bluff.

They tried to throw Melvin overboard, but he hung on to a woman and wouldn't let go.

Melvin firmly planted his face in someone's bust, and refused to get out.

They tried to throw that woman off as a sacrifice, but she clung to life.

"Please just get off!" begged the girls. "There's like 30 of us here!"

But Melvin didn't budge.

"Fine," said a crew member. "I guess you're all going to drown, because I'm not lowering this boat another inch until that selfish boy jumps off."

Melvin didn't budge until the very end, and remained planted on the lifeboat until it sunk along with the ship, taking out all 30 women and children, and him too.

Motoki observed this event unfold.

"Hmm," he said. "I can't jump on a lifeboat until it's completely lowered. But making the jump from here might kill me…"

Motoki nervously stared off the side of the boat at a lifeboat that just reached the water.

"I have to try," he decided. "If I leap into the boat and land on a woman, I have a 10% chance of living, which is more than I have now."

Motoki found a random girl, and walked up alongside her.

"Goodbye, my love," he said, loud enough for the crew and the other people to hear him.

He stood by the edge of the lifeboat, like he was watching her leave, but he remained there until the boat reached the water.

The crew would have never possibly suspected anything would happen, so they were thrown completely off-guard when Motoki tried to leap off into the lifeboat and land on a couple women.

However, some of the men had amazing reflexes, and grabbed Motoki back and threw him onto the ground.

They pummeled him to heck, and let him off with a warning.

"You can't throw away other people's lives for you own," said the honorable men. "Have some dignity, boy."

"Alright, alright," said Motoki sadly, getting to his feet.

He hung his head and yielded.

"Alright, I don't know what I was thinking," he said. "I won't try it again."

"Good," said the crew member.

That's when Motoki threw a leaping kick, tossing one of the crew members off the boat so that they could not stop him.

"Hey!" yelled one of the men. "You just killed that guy!"

"Too bad!" yelled Motoki. "That poor fool was going to die anyway!"

He threw a cyclone punch at the other crew member, and he assumably died from freezing once he hit the water.

Motoki did a belly flop onto the boat, but miscalculated his trajectory in his haste.

He slammed into the ice water and sunk down low.

They did not see him emerge, and he was assumed dead.

"Phew," said a girl on the boat. "Any more people and we would sink. We already took on 5 girls who were in the water, we're at our limit."

That's when a hand reached out of the pitch black water and grabbed onto the edge of the boat.

"AHHHHHH!" everyone shrieked.

Motoki started to pull himself aboard, but women tried to push him over with their legs.

Several feet were planted on Motoki's face, but he wasn't going down this close to life.

Despite the joint effort, Motoki threw himself aboard.

The women and kids tried to pry him off, but Motoki started swinging.

"Just let me stay!" yelled Motoki.

"NO!" cried the pack.

A kid bit Motoki's arm, and Motoki screamed.

He threw a grandslam, killing the child instantly.

He threw the child's corpse overboard.

"See?" he said. "Now we won't sink!"

But that just enraged the girls more.

They fought tooth-and-nail to get Motoki off the boat.

At one point they swept him off his feet, and tried to push him into the water headfirst.

But Motoki summoned all his divine power, and did a sit-up, throwing a headbutt into someone's head and cracking it open like an eggshell.

The women disposed of the weighty corpse, but fought on into the late hours of the night.

As the Negatanic turned 90 degrees and sunk into the ocean blue, Motoki finally managed to throw everyone off but one person.

"Please, no!" said the little boy. "Just let me live!"

That's when Motoki picked him up by the legs, and swung him in a circle.

He then threw him into the hard metal side of the boat, and the boy was pulled into the vortex and killed instantly.

"Phew," said Motoki. "Finally, a boat all to myself."

Suddenly, Motoki felt a strong rocking sensation.

"What the-" he began.

That's when all the girls grabbed onto one side of the boat, and sunk the devil's little lifeboat.

"NOO!" howled Motoki, as he was sent to a rude awakening in the ice water.

"Chilly," he said, seeing his own breath.

That's when something grabbed his legs from the aquatic abyss, and started pulling him down into a watery demise.

Motoki threw many kicks, and finally broke free.

The person who was pulling him did not emerge, and Motoki started doggy-paddling away.

He felt a couple hands reach for him, but narrowly dodged them.

Motoki kept swimming until he met the iceberg that sank the ship.

He hopped on, and waited for the rescue team.

"Selfish women," he said. "They just couldn't spare an extra spot on the boat."

The Negatanic was now 3/4ths sunk.

The Shitennou were hovering 20 feet above the water, with their heads hung down sadly, not wanting to watch so many demises.

A man dangled from the top of the ship. "PLEASE!" he yelled.

The Shitennou hoped he was not talking to them, and just remained floating in place, completely unmoving.

"Hey, floating men!" yelled a young girl who didn't quite make it on a lifeboat. "Please, keep me from the ocean blue! Just quickly swoop down like birds and pick me up!"

But the Shitennou were frozen in place like statues, no signs of motion to be found, like a still image or single-frame animation.

The man who was dangling from the boat pulled himself onto solid ground, and got ready to leap at ol' Kunzite.

A couple people followed suit, leaping at the Shitennou.

But sadly they couldn't gain nearly enough height.

Men decided to start stacking on each other's shoulders, however they still couldn't get the necessary height, and the Shitennou continued to stare down sadly at their sad attempts.

"If we save one, we have to save them all," said Zoisite sadly. "And that would be tedious."

"Too tedious," agreed Kunzite.

So they decided to stay in place like unmoving statues.

A still sculpture would have moved more than they were at that moment.

They didn't lift their heads once, and continued silently mourning even though there were still a couple that could be saved.

They remained floating until the ship was completely sunk.

"RIP," said Nephrite.

"Riperoo," said Zoisite.

"HEY!" shouted a voice. "HEEEEEY!"

Jadeite finally raised his head, hoping the voice was coming from a rescue ship.

Sadly it was just Motoki who was standing on the tip of an iceberg.

"Good work not saving anyway!" he called. "I would have done the same in your position!"

He gave a thumbs-up.

Zoisite considered firing a beam, but decided to let the boy live for his hard-fought efforts.

The Shitennou floated there sadly for 20 long hours, and many of the boat passengers died from the cold.

Finally a rescue ship picked everyone up.

"Heh," said Motoki living another day. "I did the right thing."

The Shitennou teleported back to the Negaverse.

"Did you get any energy?" asked Beryl.

"No," said Jadeite sadly, with his head still hung.

The Shitennou were still mourning.

"Why are you so upset?" said Beryl. "You just floated there while they all died. You could have saved many of them."

"It was their time," said Zoisite finally. "I'm not going on one of Jadeite's Negatanics ever again. I should have known by the name."

The Shitennou all left, still not looking up.

FIN