"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"We're not doing energy today," said Beryl. "We have much more important matters, AKA the Silver Imperial Crystal!"
"Ah," said Jadeite. "I have traumatic memories of that bad boy. Alright, well, cya later, Beryl!"
"No," said Beryl. "You need to help steal the crystal from Sailor Moon!"
"Sorry," said Jadeite. "Not in my jurisdiction. If I pass Nephrite by the soda machine, I'll be sure to send him in."
Jadeite took off, but the door shut in front of him.
"How'd you do that?!" demanded Jadeite. "Some kind of sorcery?"
"Yes," said Beryl. "My crystal ball doubles as a universal remote."
"Wow," said Jadeite. "That must be handy if you lose the remote on movie night."
"Indeed," said Beryl. She blew her whistle, and the Shitennou were summoned.
"Shitennou," said Beryl.
"Yes," said Kunzite, speaking for the Shitennou.
"You have been doing a lousy job. Jadeite," she began. "Your energy plans need some work. The only good one was that gym one, but that easily could have been a throwaway one. You're too busy holding your ball of energy instead of cashing it in. There were several events that happened over a long period of time. You don't know when to pull out."
"I disagree," said Jadeite. He left it at that, and Beryl continued.
"Nephrite," she said. "While you did steal a lot of love energy from your girlfriend Molly, all your other plans were silly, and involved too much walking around as a human. In conclusion, both you and Jadeite are not thinkers."
"The universe was not created in one day," said Nephrite.
"Can it," said Beryl. "And actually it was. Have you been hitting the books?"
"I have been hitting the stars," said Nephrite. "And they know all."
"Wrong," said Beryl. "If they did, you would have energy."
Nephrite was floored. He hit the ground with a thud and did not recover.
"Zoisite," said Beryl.
Zoisite braced himself for the afterlife.
"Although you were different from the others, you still ultimately failed," said Beryl. "But you're clearly the smartest Shitennou. You received all seven Rainbow Crystals, which is a very commemorable feat. However, things did not work out in your favor."
"Bad luck," said Zoisite. "But honestly it went a lot better than I thought it would."
Then Beryl turned to Kunzite.
"Kunzite," she said. "You were a complete idiot, and all your plans were stupid. You're probably the dumbest Shitennou."
"That's not nice," said Zoisite.
"You're a lucky man for scoring such a smart boy like Zoisite," stated Beryl. "If you were still in school, you would have no trouble with your math homework."
"Hey now," said Kunzite. "My plans were not dumb. I put a lot of thought into them."
"You had the simplest job," said Beryl. "All you had to do was find out Sailor Moon's identity. Those two lunkheads even figured that out with a bit of thought."
"Heh," said Jadeite.
"Well," said Kunzite. "Who's the lunkhead, if those two knew it but you did not retrieve that information?"
"Listen," said Beryl. "Let's go back to the princess school incident. You had it down to three people. Why not kill all three? You would have hit Sailor Moon."
"Actually," said Kunzite. "Only the Youma knew who they truly were."
"Yes," said Beryl. "But you should have received the information."
"I was going to eventually," said Kunzite. "But your pest Mamoru Chiba distracted me."
"Mamoru Chiba is a good man," said Beryl.
"Why didn't you just use your crystal ball to see who the Sailors' identities were?" asked Zoisite. "You saw when Mamoru Chiba got unmasked."
"I didn't call this meeting to look over my own mistakes," said Beryl. "My ball has a lot of limitations you don't know about."
"Hey," said Zoisite. "What about that time your big head appeared behind us? What are the limitations of that? Were you using our energy to produce that big head?"
"Who you calling big head, egg head?" demanded Beryl. "Anyway," continued Beryl. "I'm not done with you yet, Kunzite."
"Please leave me be," said Kunzite.
"No," said Beryl. "Let's go over how you died."
"Let's go over how you died," interrupted Zoisite.
"Zoisite," said Beryl. "Quiet."
"Kunzite," continued Beryl. "How did you get hit by your own boomerang? You had enough time to put up your cape, why didn't you dodge at hyperspeed like you did earlier in the episode?"
"Actually," said Kunzite. "The bright light was distracting me. And also that boomerang was a lot faster than that unlikeable Sailor Jupiter's attack. And might I also remind you that Jadeite also died by his own attack."
"Hey," said Jadeite. "It was the Sailors' mind games. If I could go back, I would definitely blitz Sailor Mercury first. What a little weasel she is."
"Ah," said Nephrite. "If I had another chance at my fight with them, I would do the same. The fire and the Moon Tiara had no effects on me, however not being able to see is a big nuisance. And also, add the Molly distraction to the equation, and I almost got hit by the weak Moon Tiara. But it's implied I would have put up my hand and blocked it, regardless of my distractions."
"Heh," said Kunzite. "Sailor Mercury didn't even try firing her attack at me. She just dropped to my dark energy waves. The same that Zoisite used to defeat Ryo."
"Shut up," said Beryl. "Also, Kunzite, let's go over your people skills in general. You are the least humanoid of the Shitennou, hardly showing any human emotions except for sadness when the crystals flew away. You did nothing when I killed Zoisite, and in fact said to him on his death bed, 'I tried to ask Queen Beryl to revive you.'"
"Because I did!" argued Kunzite.
"You're missing the point," said Beryl. "You can never fit into the human world. You are too two-dimensional."
"What do you want from us?" demanded Zoisite. "Are you just venting at us or something?"
"Hey," said Nephrite. "I'm enjoying this."
"She laid into you too," said Jadeite.
"Not as badly," laughed Nephrite.
"Anyway," said Beryl, getting to her point. "The most successful the Shitennou have ever been is when mastermind Zoisite teamed up with brute strength Kunzite, and enacted the shipping yard plan, and the capture Mamoru Chiba plan."
"That was a good one," admitted Kunzite. "Except for the fluke ending."
"Yes," said Beryl, getting back into her rant. "Why didn't you put up a bubble and stop the crystals from flying away?"
"They became transparent," said Kunzite.
"No," said Beryl. "Your anti-bubble completely negated magic. You rivaled the Moon Wand in your prime. You could have easily stopped the crystals separated. You just didn't use your noggin!"
"What point were you getting to exactly?" asked Zoisite.
"My point," said Beryl. "Is you four need to team up. I'm tired of your incompetence. Zoisite," said Beryl. "You have a lot of work ahead of you with these three slowing you down. But I'll count on you to act like a filter for any stupid plan they come up with. Remember, your best was when you got straight to the point and went right in for the crystals. So keep it simple."
"Aye aye," said Zoisite.
"Hey," said Nephrite. "I don't like how you're talking condescendingly to all of us except for Zoisite."
"Face it," said Beryl. "Zoisite's the most competent."
Nephrite didn't want to face it, and teleported away.
"Baby," said Zoisite.
"Shut up," said Jadeite to Zoisite.
Zoisite started crying, and threw himself onto Kunzite.
"There, there," said Kunzite, petting his head.
"What a pack of goons," sighed Beryl. "Please get me the crystal."
"Will do," vowed Kunzite.
The Shitennou sat at the big table in the meeting room.
They had a big drawing board up, but the only thing drawn on it was a stick figure drawing of Sailor Moon with a knife in her heart, and Tuxedo Mask's tombstone.
"Hmm," said Zoisite, looking at the notes. "Could use some work. Any bright ideas, team?"
He turned around, and the Shitennou were staring blankly.
"I got it!" said Jadeite. "What if, we made something very popular, like Girl Scout cookies? And then we recruited Sailor Moon to sell them as well. But one day, we lure her into a dark alley."
"Let me stop you there," said Zoisite. "Your plan has a lot of holes. Too many to fix. Any other ideas?"
"May I remind you," said Nephrite. "My Tuxedo Mask letter plan was one of the greatest. Almost as brilliant as my trick Sailor Moon into transforming plan."
"That was just dumb luck," said Zoisite. "A lot of people are rescued by Sailor Moon. They don't have to have connections to her. Then again, it would make sense that Sailor Moon would know when someone's in danger close by."
"Say," said Jadeite, who was balancing a pencil on his finger. "Didn't Sailor Moon hear danger through the things in her hair on episode one?"
"You're right," said Zoisite. "Nephrite, your plan was stupid and dumb luck."
"Whatever," said Nephrite. "I found her identity and you didn't!"
"I didn't try to!" argued Zoisite. "I was going for Mamoru Chiba and I did find his identity!"
"That was just dumb luck!" said Nephrite. "You're lucky he's the only person on the Sailor team who is only wearing a mask and no costume! Sailor Moon somehow morphs her face or something, because we can't recognize her in her human form!"
"Some kind of Sailor technology," said Jadeite.
"Kunzite," said Zoisite. "Give us some trivial Moon Kingdom facts."
"Ah!" said Kunzite. "That's what I'm best for! If only I had you still alive during my arc! A lot of my plans were farfetched, such as the ski bunny one."
"Yes," said Zoisite. "I didn't choose to be dead, it just happened."
"Ok," said Kunzite. "If my memory serves me right, they had doctors on the Moon Kingdom to heal any injuries. If I recall correctly, Queen Serenity would use the Silver Crystal to heal serious wounds. She in fact once fixed someone's leg when they fell in a moon crater."
"Hmmmmmm," said Zoisite. "Hmmmm!"
"What, what?!" said Jadeite.
"Quiet," said Zoisite. "I'm thinking."
He sat down on the chair and slowly moved it back and forth with his foot.
"Nice spinning chair," said Nephrite. "I can't believe Beryl could only afford to put one in here."
Suddenly Zoisite started writing on the board in the Negaverse language.
All the Shitennou peaked their heads in.
"Ah!" said Jadeite. "That might actually work!"
"Hmm," said Kunzite. "It's a long shot, but it's quite brilliant."
"Might I suggest some healing pods?" added Jadeite.
"Ooh!" said Zoisite. "Let me put that in there!"
"Hmm," said Nephrite. "The stars might help us find that out," he said, pointing to a specific line of the plan.
"Alright," said Zoisite. "This is a very good plan. But we need to do something that you've all never considered doing before. Proofreading and revising. We need a completely foolproof plan, since Beryl seems particularly salty today. No rough drafts."
"My plans are not rough drafts," said Kunzite.
"Okay," said Zoisite. "Either way, this plan will definitely work."
"Wow," said Zoisite, in total awe. "This plan actually worked."
There they were.
All five Sailors, and Tuxedo Mask, and even the cats, all under Kunzite's dark energy bubble.
"Well of course it worked," said Nephrite in his astronaut's costume. "We double-checked it 20 times."
"We've got you now, Sailor Scouts!" said Jadeite's huge hologram that was for some reason a sea captain, cast over the whole city.
"Jadeite," said Zoisite. "You don't have to cast yourself over the city anymore. We've won."
Jadeite appeared behind them.
Zoisite snapped his fingers, and his Queen Beryl costume dropped to the ground, revealing his Shitennou uniform.
"I took parts from all your best plans and combined them into one super plan."
"Well done, Zoisite," said Kunzite, as he closed in the bubble.
He had the bubble at almost crushing size, but decided to pause.
"I want to savor this moment," said Kunzite.
"Yes," said Zoisite. "We might as well, since it's such a crushing victory."
"Heh," said Jadeite. "When this is over, I'm mounting Sailor Jupiter's head on my wall."
"You don't even know Sailor Jupiter," said Kunzite.
Jadeite shrugged. "She annoys me the most."
"Let us out!" commanded Mamoru Chiba.
"Wait!" said Zoisite. "Doesn't Beryl want Mamoru Chiba alive?"
"Right," said Kunzite. "We'll retrieve his corpse after we kill them all. Beryl already revived him from the dead once."
"Ah, you're right," said Zoisite.
"Wait, we should go try to take some of their energy before we kill them, so we can heal Mamoru Chiba with it," said Jadeite. "Then Beryl will have no complaints."
"Good idea," said Kunzite, releasing the bubble.
"NooooOOO!" said Zoisite. "Put that back!"
Kunzite put it back, however, Ami had tried to dive under the bubble, knowing he would make this move, and got sliced in half.
"AAAHHH!" cried the Sailors in horror. "Ami!"
Zoisite scowled at Kunzite. "Don't release the bubble till I say so."
"Right," said Kunzite. "Sorry, boy."
"Whelp," said Jadeite. "Looks like the Shitennou finally catch a break."
"And no getting shot by a beam in the hand," said Zoisite. "We have all the inner planets under this dome, and the outer planets are known to be stuck guarding the outer solar system from invasions. So for once we have every single Sailor accounted for."
"Yep!" said Kunzite, closing in the bubble to finish everyone off.
That's when a beam got shot through both of Zoisite's hands.
"NOOOO!" cried Zoisite. "Ow!"
"Zoisite!" said Kunzite, releasing the bubble.
"No!" said Zoisite. "Don't release the bubble!"
"Shoot!" said Kunzite.
But that's when none other than Princess Kakyuu, from Fragrant Olive, flew in and drop-kicked Jadeite, killing him.
"Shoot!" said Nephrite disappearing.
Kunzite, however, refused to get defeated by some ET.
He charged with all he had, but then Sailor Moon hit him with the Moon Wand.
"Mayday, mayday!" yelled Zoisite.
"Zoisite! Pull out, now!" yelled a giant image of Beryl.
"But Queen Beryl!" said Zoisite.
That's when Kakyuu fired a beam, killing Beryl's image.
Kunzite and Zoisite decided to teleport away with their lives.
Beryl shook her head sadly.
"What an unfortunate turn of events," she said.
Jadeite was in a body cast.
Zoisite had both his hands in casts.
Kunzite was covered in bruises.
And Nephrite was completely unscathed.
"Wow," he said. "I really pulled out at the right time."
"Shitennou," said Beryl.
"Yes," said Kunzite, speaking for all the Shitennou.
"You have failed me for the last time."
"But Beryl," said Zoisite. "It was an event that we couldn't have possibly predicted. Like that time Endymion shot you in the heart with a rose."
Beryl had enough and killed Zoisite.
"There will be big changes coming soon," said Beryl.
"Good ones?" asked Jadeite hopefully.
Beryl just shook her head.
"You will not fail me again."
"D'ah," said Jed.
