"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Jadeite, you better go out and enact that new source today," said Beryl. "Don't do anything foolish that doesn't have to do with taking over the world."

"Yes," promised Jadeite. "I will get right to it, m'queen."


Jadeite strolled into the Nega computer lounge.

"Today's a beautiful day to play some Club Parakeet Rewritten," he said to nobody in particular.

But when he walked in, there seemed to be some kind of jamboree.

"NOOOOOOO!" screamed Kunzite. "Damn!"

He threw his mouse down.

"You gotta eat your gapples before the fight starts!" Kunzite told Nephrite.

"No," said Nephrite. "Then my gapple will run up mid-fight, and I'll drop like a stone."

"You dropped like a stone before the fight even started," said Zoisite.

"Hey," said Nephrite. "If I had one more second, my gapple would have been eaten."

"Come on," said Endymion. "Everyone knows to eat your gapple before the fight starts. What you did was way too risky."

"Well, it was a flip of the coin, but sadly I got tails," said Nephrite.

"What is this?!" demanded Jadeite. "Some kind of jamboree?!"

The Nega computer lounge was completely packed. There wasn't a single open computer.

"No," said Kunzite. "This is serious. We're competing in the Minecraft 5v5's tournament for a $100 prize pool."

"But Kunzite," said Jadeite. "Minecraft isn't even a PvP game. It's all just clicking."

"That's why we're doing 1.9 PvP," said Zoisite. "Now it's about skill!"

"No," said Jadeite sadly. "Minecraft PvP is dead. Previously popular PvP servers like BL now struggle to get 100 players."

"Be quiet, Jadeite!" yelled Nephrite. "The next round's starting! We barely slipped by last time thanks to Kenji's amazing strafe, and w-tap combo! Fortunately he was able to defeat a 3v1, so we went on to the next round despite numerous mistakes!"

"Hey," said Jadeite. "Can I just check my Club Parakeet real quick? Surely not all of the people in here are in matches at once, so can't I just borrow a PC?"

"Sorry," said a Youma. "We're spectating."

"Don't worry," said Kunzite. "You can take over one of our computers when we drop."

"Alright," said Jadeite. "How long will that take?"

"Well," said Zoisite. "This is 1.9, so if you're lucky, each match only takes one to two hours."

Jadeite left in a huff.

"This isn't fair!" he said. "I shouldn't have to not have internet access because the other Shitennou and Negaverse resident are so selfish! It's time to get myself a PC (personal computer)."

With that, Jadeite headed to the nearest Walmart.


"The computer I'm after is the Red Flyer," said Jadeite to himself as he entered the store. "I once had one of those myself, until I threw it into the abyss after I got greened in a Toontown back nine. It's a very solid computer model, the best there is. HP really got themselves a winner."

Jadeite finally reached the electronics section.

"Hello," he said to the employee. "I'll take one of the 15.6" Red Flyer HP personal laptops, please."

"Oooooh, sorry," said the worker. "We're fresh out of Red Flyers."

"Really?" said Jadeite. "What bad luck!"

"Not luck," said the worker. "You'd be lucky to ever see a Red Flyer! The instant we get one in stock, they are bought. People usually line up outside waiting for the truck to deliver them."

"Grrrr!" said Jadeite, balling his fist. "I'll just try another Walmart, then!"

"Good luck," said the worker with deep sorrow.

Jadeite stormed off.

He teleported to the next Walmart.

"Hello, young man," he said to the young teen in charge of the electronics department. "I'll take a Red Flyer," he said.

The clerk just shook his head. "You're the fourth one today asking for that. But sadly they were all taken long ago, longer ago than I've worked here. But I've heard rumors that as soon as they get a shipment, people eat those things up like birds to a bag of bird feed."

"What?! NO!" said Jadeite. "Why are they out of stock everywhere?! Just buy more, you're losing money!"

"My apologies," said the worker. "I can't control that."

Jadeite teleported away, spooking the boy greatly.

Jadeite flew into the next closest department store.

He slammed his fists down on the counter.

"Red Flyer!" he demanded.

Unfortunately, there was an old lady working the counter.

"You want a rocket ship?" she asked, confused.

"Fool!" yelled Jadeite. "I don't have time for this! Bring in your manager!"

They brought in the manager.

"Red Flyer!" screamed Jadeite.

"You saw our red flyer?" asked the manager. "I didn't know we had a flyer such as that in circulation. Did you find it in the newspaper?"

"NO!" said Jadeite. "Red. FLYER! Like the object!"

The manager scratched his head. "I don't think we have any flyers here," he said. "You might wanna try Home Depot."

"What?!" screamed Jadeite. "No, the Red Flyer HP computer!"

"Oh, that thing," said the manager. "You should have said so."

Then he chuckled. "Well, I guess I see why they call it the flyer. Those things are flying off the shelves like they have wings!"

Jadeite let out a howl. "STUPID!" he screamed at the man. "Why are this many people buying laptops, this exact model nonetheless?"

The manager shrugged. "It's a reliable model. And we only sell like five models here. It's simply the best deal."

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Jadeite. "You haven't seen the last of me! I'll be back, and when I am, I'll have a Red Flyer!"

Jadeite went to leave but then he got mad.

"Wait," he said. "When is your next shipment?"

"There will be one tonight," said the manager. "If you want a Red Flyer, you should swing by tomorrow morning."

Jadeite let out a cold laugh. "Don't you worry."

He left.


Jadeite showed up at noon that day.

"I'll take a Red Flyer to go!" he said.

"The laptop?" asked a clerk. "Sorry, we just sold our last one!"

"NO!" said Jadeite. "Who did you sell it to?!"

That's when Jadeite turned to see a family pushing a cart out the door, with a laptop box inside.

"AH!" shouted Jadeite.

He sprinted after them at top speeds, but then realized it would be faster to hop on one of the electronic carts.

He took off at 10x the speed of light, chasing after the man, who had taken off with the cart in a sprint, as he was well aware of the risk of buying his computer.

"You'll never take my Red Flyer!" screamed the man.

"That's MY Red Flyer!" shouted Jadeite.

He cut a corner, and threw a kick to the man's face, toppling him.

But the man unleashed a fury like Jadeite had never seen.

He pulled out a handgun, shooting the Red Flyer to smithereens.

"What?!" screamed Jadeite. "WHY!?"

"If I can't have it, no one can!" yelled the man. He took his own life, and Jadeite let out a howl louder than last time.

He stormed back up to the desk.

"Why didn't you hold a Red Flyer for me?!" Jadeite shouted. "I told the manager I wanted one!"

"We can't hold laptops," said the guy. "Or people as practical jokes would hold Red Flyers, and not buy them, just to get back at us for not having any Red Flyers in stock."

"That doesn't make any sense!" said Jadeite.

That's when Jadeite came up with a bright idea.

"Isn't it courteous for employees to call around to other stores when one is out of stock?" asked Jadeite.

"Hmm," said the clerk. "That might take all day, sir."

"Alright, just give me the phone," said Jadeite.

Jadeite went behind the counter, and dialed 20 Walmarts in a row.

All of them were misses.

"Do you want to take a go?" Jadeite asked the clerk.

"I guess I have to," said the clerk. "It's that or quit my job."

The clerk dialed the furthest away Walmart, in a completely desolate location.

Jadeite waited anxiously.

"Hello," said the clerk. "Do you have any HP Red Flyer laptops?"

There was a long silence, and Jadeite waited.

"Ah," said the clerk, hanging up. "You're in luck. They seem to have one left in stock. But they can't hold it, so you better hurry!"

"Yes, YES!" screamed Jadeite. "Where's this Walmart?"

The clerk said the location, and that's when Jadeite heard a couple audible gasps behind him.

All the people that were waiting in line behind Jadeite scattered in different directions, hopping in all their carts and taking off at top speeds.

"NOOOOO!" shouted Jadeite. "You fiends! Finders, keepers!"

Jadeite took off on foot, sprinting, until he got all the way to the Walmart.

He threw open the sliding doors like they were regular doors, and then took off running towards the electronics.

"I'VE GOT YOU NOW, FLYBOY!" he screamed.

But that's when none other than Melvin sprinted past Jadeite on his right, and seconds later, Motoki sprinted past him on his left.

"HEY!" screamed Jadeite, knowing what they were here for. "You dirty rats!"

Jadeite went into overdrive, and threw himself at the counter.

"Yes," he said panting. "I'll have one Red Flyer."

That's when several men leapt on top of Jadeite's back, taking him to the ground.

The clerk went into the back and pulled out the holy grail, while ignoring the roughhousing at the counter.

She plopped the Red Flyer on the counter.

"Here you go," she said, thinking they were all one party.

That's when fifty hands reached for the Flyer, and all held on for dear life.

"LET GO!" screamed Jadeite. "I discovered its location fair and square!"

"No!" said Melvin. "This Red Flyer is mine! I need it to be my fourth computer so I can do World of Warcraft dungeons by myself!"

"That's so stupid!" yelled Jadeite.

He threw an elbow into Melvin's face, shattering the boy, and then got a magnificent burst of strength.

He snatched the Red Flyer from the 50 greedy mitts, and took off running.

"Hey!" said the clerk. "You have to pay for that here!"

A few of the brawlers threw money at the clerk, and took off running after Jed.

"I'VE FINALLY GOT IT!" said Jadeite. "It's MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!"

Jadeite held the Flyer over his head like a trophy, but that's when Motoki did a flyby, snatching the Red Flyer out from his mitts.

"NO!" screamed Jadeite.

He blasted Motoki to bits, and all that was left were his shoes.

But Gamer Joe did a low dive, like one would do stealing a base in baseball, and nabbed the Red Flyer before it hit the ground, taking off for the grocery section.

Gamer Joe ran for his life, 10x faster than if he was being chased by Zoisite.

He ran down the milk aisle, but people were suddenly flying at him from both sides of the aisle.

Gamer Joe let out a shriek as his final action in the living world, and then he was torn to shreds.

In the ruckus, the Red Flyer box was tossed into the air, and Melvin leapt off the top of an aisle, catching it and running across the aisle tops like some kind of parkour maniac.

That's when, as he leapt over another aisle gap, Jadeite tackled him from behind, taking him to the floor.

Jadeite used one hand to keep Melvin's head down, and snatched the Red Flyer with his other.

He held Melvin down until he was ready to launch off, and then Jed kicked off the ground running, like someone sprinting in the Olympics.

Jadeite headed for the sliding doors of freedom.

But 20 men got in the way, throwing away their lives to try to stop Jadeite's momentum.

Many of them were trampled to death, while a few others were so disheartened at losing their chances at the Red Flyer that they took their own lives.

By the time Jadeite made it out the door, 20 men were hanging onto his feet for dear life.

The sensor at the door went off, but Jadeite couldn't care less.

He paused suddenly as the electronic doors were about to close, and 10 of the men were sliced in half.

The other ten had the will of the ancients, and would not let up.

Jadeite did a back flip into a portal, killing all the men.

He made it back to his dark space, panting.

"I got it," he said, letting out a single tear of joy. "My prize."

Jadeite turned on the Flyer, and set up Windows 10.

But when the computer finally went on the desktop background, Jadeite was in shock.

"What is this?!" he said. "The screen is slightly yellow-tinted! This can't be! My old one was whiter than snow!"

Jadeite went through all the options and turned his computer to the max brightness, but none of it worked.

"Why do bad things happen to good people?!" screamed Jadeite. "It must be a manufacturing error."

Jadeite threw out the Red Flyer.

"Woe is me," he said.


Jadeite returned to his space, covered in scratches and the blood of others.

He had a stack of three Red Flyers, all from different locations.

"That was a tough battle," he said.

He turned them all on simultaneously and set up Windows 10 with perfect precision, now that he was used to it.

"No…" said Jadeite. "NOOO! It can't be! WHYYYY!?"

All three of the new laptops also had yellow-tinted screens.

Just to make sure he wasn't seeing things, Jadeite turned off the lights in his already dark space, and took out one of his old laptops for comparison.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Jadeite.

He sat down on his old laptop, since he couldn't bare the yellow tint of the new boys, and began putting in the research.

"Ah," he read. "It's some kind of nightlight feature that newer computers have. It's to prevent eye strain and blue light which causes one to have a hard time falling asleep. Very odd developers' choice, but they should at least have a way to turn it off."

Jadeite went under Display Options, but there was no nightlight setting like he saw in the picture on the article.

"NOOOOOOOO!" screamed Jadeite.

With a heavy heart, Jadeite gave up on the Red Flyer.

"They are no more," he said. "It is a shame for all those people buying them, but they must be idiots and take the yellow screen like an L."


Jadeite walked into Walmart with his head held low, and returned to his archvillain, the electronics section.

He reluctantly began browsing the different computer models on display.

It appeared many of them might or might not have had yellow-tinted screens, but he could not tell because of the brightness of the store.

Jadeite started to cry.

But then he saw the light of hope.

It was the HP RealTree Camouflage laptop, some kind of special edition that seemed very similar to the Red Flyer.

It was fifty extra dollars, but it was a price Jadeite was willing to pay.

He went under display options, and then gasped when he saw the nightlight settings, which meant he could turn it off.

He did, and the whole store lit up with the brilliant white light of a decent laptop.

"I'll take it!" called Jadeite.

"A wise decision," said the electronics guru.

They handed him the chosen computer, and Jadeite took off running.

Jadeite hopped on the computer, and its glorious white light lit up his whole dark space.

"Good!" said Jadeite. "Good!"

Jadeite kept his computer for a full week, until things went south fast.

You see, Jadeite had neglected his Poofle on Club Parakeet Rewritten, and when he logged on that fateful morning, he received a postcard.

Apparently, his Poofle had left him, and returned to the wild, because even a life running in predator-filled wilderness was better than Jadeite's bird cage.

Jadeite got so mad from the postcard that he threw a punch right through his computer screen.

He called up HP and asked if the warranty covered this defect, but unfortunately it had a specific statement saying this type of reckless behavior was not covered.

Jadeite closed the computer and went back to Walmart.

He picked up a new Camo, and returned home.

Casually, he opened it up and set up Windows 10 without even having to look at the screen by this point.

But that's when he was shocked, like one on the electric chair.

"This… this screen!" he wept. "It's yellow! How could it be?! The other one of the exact same model was perfect!"

Jadeite went to change the nightlight setting, but there was no setting.

"HOW?!" he said. "HOOOW?! Curse you, Walmart!"

He checked both boxes just to be safe, and one of the laptops was in fact two pounds lighter, and their shipping dates were a month apart.

"This can't be!" said Jadeite. "It's been only a week!"

Furiously, Jadeite dialed the familiar HP number that he memorized by heart.

He made sure to call the American branch, however the phone was answered by someone in India.

"Hello," said Jadeite.

The guy replied with some sort of Indian greeting.

Jadeite frowned. "Hello?" repeated Jadeite.

"Ah, sorry!" said the man, with a strong accent. "I infer you are calling about one of the 6 HP laptops you recently purchased."

"Yes," said Jadeite. "Why do they all have yellow-tinted screens?!"

"Alright," said the man. "I'll need your full name, and computer serial number, as well as some other trivial info."

"No, come on!" said Jadeite. "Surely you must be getting complaints! Just help me out here!"

"Sorry," said the man. "ID first."

"Alright," said Jadeite, giving out all his information from his date of birth to his credit card numbers and favorite foot.

"Thank you," said the man. "I will now transfer you to customer support."

"Nooo!" said Jadeite.

Jadeite waited on hold for 20 minutes, until finally he heard some kind of shuffling.

"Hello!?" said Jadeite, twelve times before another man in India responded.

"Yes?" he said. "Are you calling about your HP laptop?"

"I just went through this!" said Jadeite. "Tell me how to fix my yellow screen!"

"Okay," said the man. "Just give me your serial number and name."

"I just did this!" screamed Jadeite.

But he had no choice, so he angrily complied.

"Ah, thank you," said the man. There was a lot of typing and shuffling. "Let me forward you to the electronics specialists," said the man.

"HUH!?" said Jadeite. "Again?! What is this, some kind of endless loop of misery!? Can I speak to an American?!"

Jadeite was put on hold.

20 minutes later, after the blatant Indian music looped many times, another person answered in full Indian dialect.

"No!" cried Jadeite. "Help me, please! I beg you!"

"Yes," said the man. "Do not worry. What is your problem?"

"Yellow screen!" shouted Jadeite. "Yellow! Screen!"

"Hmm," said the man. "What is your product's serial number?"

Jadeite threw himself into a wall and then played the tape recorder that he set up while he was on hold.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that," said the man. "Please repeat your serial number."

Jadeite pressed it again.

"Ah, thank you," said the man.

"Help me!" said Jadeite.

"Hmm," said the man after a long wait. "Have you tried installing McAfee Anti-Virus Software?"

"What?!" cried Jadeite. "No, it's not a virus! These are brand new computers!"

"Are you sure?" said the man. "I've never heard anything about yellow computers."

"How?!" screamed Jadeite. "Literally all your company's computers have yellow screens! Surely someone called up about this!"

"Do not worry," repeated the man. "We will get through this. Have you tried updating your laptop's BIOS?"

"I tried that," said Jadeite. "The BIOS is actually the problem. The older version of the laptop has an older version of the BIOS, which does not have a yellow screen. I tried to downgrade, but it will not let me."

"Yes, I understand your concerns," said the man. "Now, follow this link that I am about to read to you. It will lead you through the process of updating your BIOS."

"No, no, no," said Jadeite. "I'm looking at two computers side-by-side. One has f.24, and one has f.40. I need to get f.24 on my new one!"

"Sorry," said the man. "You cannot downgrade your BIOS!"

"WHY?!" screamed Jadeite. "Why are you forcing me to have a yellow screen?! All I ask for is the nightlight option, which one of my computers has, and one doesn't, even though they're exactly the same!"

"Since your problem has been resolved, do you have any other questions for me?" asked the man.

"YEAH!" screamed Jadeite. "My problem is not resolved! Tell me how to downgrade my BIOS! This is my question!"

"Thank you for choosing HP," said the man. "How would you rate my service?"

"Terrible!" yelled Jadeite. "0/10! Let me talk to your manager, hopefully they come from America!"

"I'm sorry to hear that," said the man. "Please feel free to call back anytime."

The man hung up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Jadeite.

He ate the phone, and then threw a leaping kick at the wall.

"Keep it down!" yelled someone from outside.

"YELLOW SCREEN!" screamed Jadeite. "I'M NOT CRAZY!"


Jadeite went to Office Max and bought a decently priced computer.

It was a Lenovo.

Jadeite compared it to his other computer.

"It's slightly more dull, but I can live with this," he decided. "I'm glad the yellow screen saga's over."

"Hey Jadeite," said Nephrite, teleporting into his space. "We're done in the computer lounge."

Jadeite threw a punch at Nephrite, and Nephrite shrugged and left.

FIN