For María, mi corazón, whose shameless way of life should be an inspiration to us all


Part XV

9x9 The Platonic Permutation

Amy: Uh, listen, I, I was thinking that, um, maybe I'm ready to be your girlfriend again.

Sheldon: Oh. I thought we were just friends.

Amy: We are. But I was hoping, maybe…

Sheldon: Amy, I excel at many things, but getting over you wasn't one of them. I think I need to just be your friend.


Amy stared at her laptop screen as it became pitch black again, with just a single white line across the top of the screen mocking her. A sad, whining noise came from the motherboard as it died down.

Amy sighed deeply.

This was really the most inconvenient time for her laptop to die down. She had a paper to finish, and it was too late at night to go to the university now to work at her laptop there. She didn't even know if Caltech was open this late at night on a Saturday.

Amy tried to remember when she had last saved her work, but knew it really made no difference. If the laptop had stopped working altogether, her work would be gone too. Had she even backed up to the cloud?

She should really start thinking about making back-ups, like Sheldon always used to tell her.

It wasn't even that old, this laptop. Hopefully she would be able to recuperate some of the files somehow. If only she knew someone who worked in IT who would be able to help her.

At least that way she would be able to continue working on this paper the next couple of days.

Amy grabbed her phone and scrolled through her contacts. After finding the name, she pressed the call-button. It took him really long to answer.

"Hey Amy, what's up?" Howard Wolowitz answered, sounding surprised to hear from her.

"Hey Howard," Amy said, awkwardly. "I hope this isn't a bad time… My, uh, my laptop broke down mid-work, and I could really use your expertise as an engineer to maybe help me get it working again?"

"Oh, that sucks," Howard said. "I'm actually at Bernadette's parents'. I wouldn't mind coming over to your house to look at your laptop… Hold on…"

What followed was an uncomfortable exchange between the spouses, and Amy was unfortunate to hear all of it. From Bernadette hissing at Howard he was a coward and was not getting out from having dinner with his in-laws again, no matter the problem Amy had, to Howard practically pleading his wife with promises of explicit sex (Amy strongly suspected he assumed he had muted his phone).

"So, uh… Bernie says I can't leave," Howard said, directly into the speaker now. "Your next best guess would be Sheldon, but I see how that would be difficult. Leonard is the third best of all of us."

Amy's heart still did that little jump at the sole mention of Sheldon's name.

She decided not to let her mind wander. They were just friends now. It was for the best.

"Okay, thanks Howard," Amy said. "Say hi to Bernadette for me."

Amy pursed her lips. If she called Leonard, surely Sheldon would hear about it. Would it be easier to just call Sheldon then? Even though Penny and Leonard were now married, Sheldon still lived with Leonard. If she was still with Sheldon, she would have talked to him about it. That maybe it was time to let Leonard live with Penny – it would just be across the hall after all – and get the independence he needed.

But they were no longer together – thanks to her – and they had only two days ago decided that they would be friends. Amy felt a lump in her throat when she thought back to the car ride in which she had called him and asked him to be her boyfriend again. He had refused her. Her heart constricted in her chest. How she had gotten home after that, was beyond her.

Amy didn't know what was the wisest choice now; to call Leonard and have Sheldon find out and be mad at her for it, or calling Sheldon himself and have an uncomfortable conversation again.

Amy compromised and called the landline of their apartment instead.

Sheldon answered. Of course Sheldon answered. His spot was next to the phone, she should have known better than this. Amy had a feeling she was deliberately hurting herself like this.

"Hey Sheldon. It's Amy," she added unnecessarily after a second.

"Hello," Sheldon sounded completely neutral, "I wasn't expecting to hear from you this evening."

"Yeah. So, uhm… I was wondering if either you or Leonard would be able to help me out with something?" Amy hated how pathetic she sounded.

"That depends," Sheldon said, "if for instance you have killed a man and you need help hiding the body, then no. But if you're not trying to make me accessory to a crime, then I don't see why not. We are friends after all."

Amy felt another pang in her stomach at his casual mention of their current relationship status.

"Right," she mumbled. "The thing is… my laptop stopped working and I was right in the middle of writing a paper. I don't know what happened, but I would really like to recuperate the file I was working on."

"I assume you still don't have an automatic back-up to the cloud then?"

"No," Amy replied. Amy could see Sheldon roll his eyes in her head.

"I suppose I could take a look at it," Sheldon replied after a second. "Although – and he can never know I said this – Wolowitz is much better at recovering damaged files than I am."

Amy chuckled. "Howard is at his in-laws. I already called him."

"Oh," Sheldon said, and Amy thought he sounded almost insulted that she called him second.

There was an awkward silence between them for some reason. Maybe this friends-thing wasn't working after all. Amy pressed on anyway.

"So, it's alright if I come over then?" she asked.

"What, now?" Sheldon exclaimed. "It's nine-thirty!"

Amy rolled her eyes. "I have to hand this paper in on Monday," she said. "Could you please just look at it? I'll leave at ten-thirty the latest, I promise."

Sheldon was silent for a beat.

"Fine."


Amy carried her laptop and charger up the stairs. Sheldon opened the door for her when she reached the fourth floor landing. Her heart was in her throat immediately when she saw him. His blatant rejection still rung in her ears.

"Hello," Sheldon said. "Come in."

Amy followed him and for some reason it was still a little awkward and uncomfortable between them. She realised this was the first time she was at his apartment after that faithful night, when she had stormed off when he seemed more interested in a TV-show than her.

"Thank you," Amy said demurely.

Sheldon took her laptop from her hands and carried it over to the kitchen island. He opened it up and started to press some buttons, holding the power button for a couple of seconds.

"If you'd like some tea, I just put the kettle on," he said, his eyes focussed on her laptop.

"Thank you," Amy said again. She busied herself with his tea collection – something she had done countless of times before, but it was different now.

"Leonard isn't home?" she asked conversationally.

"No, he and Penny are having some sort of date-night," Sheldon replied, his eyes fixated on her laptop.

Amy watched him work for a few minutes, slowly sipping her tea. It was torture, really. Watching Sheldon do any work – thinking, working on complex equations, playing videogames – he was always incredibly focussed and seeing his brain at work was always such a turn-on.

Her loins burned for him. Still.

"Did you spill some sort of liquid on this laptop?" Sheldon asked her after sometime. Amy shrugged, not that she remembered.

Sheldon had walked over to the cabinet behind the couch and was going through a box of cables. He pulled out some one of them and deposited them on the back of the couch. He then disappeared into the cupboard next to it. He walked out carrying a monitor some time later, and grabbed the cables from the back of the couch on his way back to the kitchen island.

"Do you need help with that?" Amy asked, a little late. She had been ogling his biceps straining against the fabric of his shirts.

"No, it's alright," Sheldon said softly.

He began plugging in the cables, connecting them to her laptop and handing Amy another one to plug in an outlet in the wall.

"I thought as much," Sheldon mumbled, as he clicked a couple times on the track pad and pushed a few buttons on the monitor as well. "Your screen is damaged, possibly by water. I know this isn't a lasting solution, but at least you'll be able to save your work now."

He indicated to the monitor he had just connected to her laptop, and Amy walked over to him.

He had connected the monitor to the laptop, and while her laptop screen was still pitch black, the monitor was filled with colours. Her document was open how she had left it; with the cursor blinking away mid-sentence.

She sighed deeply in relief, and before she knew what had gotten into her, she had flung her arms around Sheldon, pulling him against her tightly.

"Thank you so much!" she exclaimed softly, and Sheldon stiffened at the contact. Amy let go of him quickly, and took a step back, horrified at her own behaviour.

"I-I'm sorry," she stammered, blushing furiously, "I shouldn't have thrown myself at you – I… that was completely inappropriate. Forgive me."

Sheldon looked away from her, he was red in the face. "It's alright," he mumbled. He coughed awkwardly.

"We're friends now. Friends can hug. Penny and I have hugged twice. Leonard has hugged me too. It's alright."

Amy still felt sort of embarrassed. And the scent of talc and laundry detergent still hung in her nostrils. It made her blood run hot.

"Alright," Amy mumbled.

Sheldon still looked away from her. You could cut the tension between them with a knife.

"I'll just connect you to the Wi-Fi, so you can upload your paper to the cloud," Sheldon murmured. Amy nodded. It was best to get away as soon as possible. This friends-thing was not working at all. For some reason she became even more sexually frustrated than she was when they were still together.

Why was that? Because the possibility – how slim that one had been – of something more was completely off the table now?

She needed to be alone with her thoughts. And not in the presence of this completely irresistible man who smelled familiar and stared at her with those light blue eyes that always seemed to look straight through her.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she realised too late what was going on.

Sheldon had clicked on the far right corner of her laptop screen, minimizing all the open applications. He was probably looking for the network connectivity app somewhere, but ended up staring at Amy's desktop wallpaper.

Amy wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole. She had forgotten about her desktop background.

Her desktop wallpaper was a rather racy piece of Pride & Prejudice fan art she had found online.

It was a comic, depicting one of her favourite fan fiction scenes. While Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy kissed chastely in the first frame, in the second one Elizabeth Bennet's dress was undone at the top, her breasts spilling out, and she leaned against a bookcase while Mr. Darcy's hand was under her skirt.

The third and final frame depicted Mr. Darcy on his knees in front of her, Elizabeth's left leg held up by his hand and his head disappearing under her many skirts.

The look on Elizabeth's face made it obvious what he was doing to her.

Amy was sure her face resembled the colour of a tomato.

Sheldon swallowed nervously. "I don't remember this particular chapter in Pride & Prejudice," he said, his voice quiet and strained.

He was rather red in the face too.

Amy didn't know what to say to make this situation any less awkward. It was hard to determine what was the worst of the whole situation. The fact that she had an erotic NSFW-comic that kind of tarnished Jane Austen's works as her desktop wallpaper, or the fact that it was her ex-boyfriend who had never done anything of the sort to her was seeing it.

Amy watched in horror how Sheldon's eyes moved across the comic. He became redder in the face with each passing second.

"This isn't from the book," Amy mumbled. It was rather redundant.

"Right," Sheldon said, breathlessly. Another minute ticked by. Sheldon kept staring at Mr. Darcy's head disappearing between Elizabeth's legs.

"Sheldon," Amy said softly. "The Wi-Fi?"

Sheldon seemed to snap out of the trance he was in. He clicked on the Wi-Fi icon on Amy's desktop and typed the password from memory. He waited until it started to blink.

"Did you bring a USB-stick to make another copy as well?" Sheldon asked, avoiding her eyes.

"No," Amy said. She should really learn to back-up her work.

"I have an extra one in my desk drawer," Sheldon mumbled. "I'll go get it. You can upload your files in the meantime."

"Oh, great. Thank you," Amy said, sitting down on the seat Sheldon had just vacated. It was warm. Her hands trembled with nerves as she accessed the cloud and started to duplicate her files onto it. All too soon, Sheldon stood next to her with a USB-stick in the shape of a Lego-brick.

Their fingers brushed together when he gave it to her, and a shock of electricity went through them.

Amy looked up into his eyes. He was staring at her. Amy's mouth felt dry, and she licked across her dry lips. Sheldon's eyes followed the movement of her tongue. He gulped.

"Thanks," Amy muttered.

"You're welcome."

Amy felt a heat pulse in her chest. She quickly diverted her gaze, and focussed on copying the files on the USB-stick as well. Sheldon was watching her work from beside her. It unnerved her.

"All done," Amy mumbled, and she removed the stick from the portal.

"I don't have the tools or the knowledge to fix your screen, but I'm sure it's fixable. If you to Computer Solutions on Colorado and ask for Rick, you'll have the best chance of getting your laptop back in a few days," Sheldon said.

"You might want to change your desktop wallpaper first though," he added.

Amy felt her blush return, and she quickly accessed the settings to her laptop. She changed the background into something generic; the stock photo of a green hill with a blue sky with some white scattered clouds.

"There," Amy mumbled. And Sheldon looked back at the screen.

"Ah, Bliss. That's the name of this picture. The original photo was taken in 1996 by Charles O'Rear. Interesting fact; this was the default background to the Windows XP operating system. It's estimated billions of people have had this as a background between the years 2001 and 2008. It's possibly the most-viewed picture because of that," Sheldon spewed these random facts, and it made Amy's heart melt.

"That is interesting," she said.

Sheldon gave her a small smile. His friends never really listened when he would go on and on about something random, she had come to notice. While Amy wouldn't mind spending her days listening to whatever Sheldon had to say.

They locked eyes a little too long.

"I should go," she said softly when she felt her heartrate quicken. She turned around and proceeded to turn off the computer.

She watched how the extra monitor turned black as well as the computer turned itself off.

Sheldon walked around her and began to detach the cables from her laptop. Amy could only stare at his arms as he did so. She remained seated while Sheldon put the cables back in the box and carried the monitor back to the cupboard. He walked back up to her, checking his watch.

"It's not ten-thirty yet," he said. "If you want, I could get you another beverage."

"No, that's okay," Amy said quickly. Her stomach churned with nerves from the thought of staying a little longer. Where would she sit? Next to him on the couch? That was weird, wasn't it?

"Alright," Sheldon said, and he came to a halt in front of her.

"I really can't thank you enough," Amy mumbled, because she was really glad he had helped her with this.

"It's no big deal," Sheldon said, averting his eyes. And for the first time that evening Amy wondered what he had been doing, alone on a Saturday night.

"Can I give you another hug?" she asked, because apparently she was a glutton for punishment.

Sheldon looked back at her swiftly and stared at her. Amy felt her face heat up.

"Okay."

It was even more awkward now, she realised. She walked over to him, and lifted her arms hesitantly. Sheldon's eyes flitted over her face, trying to read her.

Her arms circled around his shoulders, and she stood on tiptoe to reach him. Sheldon's face lowered to her neck, and her breath hitched in her throat when she felt his arms pull her against him. One of his hands rested just above the swell of her bottom, and it caused tingles to move through her. The other pressed between her shoulder blades, effectively pushing her breasts against him even more than they were.

Amy gasped softly, but their cheeks were pressed against each other, and Sheldon had to hear her intake of breath in his ear. She could feel him breathe out shakily against her ear as well after all.

Her heart beat wildly in her chest. Would he be able to feel that too?

The hand on her lower back moved over her in a soft caress, and Amy suppressed a moan, albeit barely. Her right hand moved on its own accord, and suddenly she was moving her fingers through the hairs in the nape of his neck.

Sheldon pulled her even closer in response.

He was so warm, and so firm against her. And besides that, his scent of talc and fabric softener seemed to envelop her, it made her heady. She closed her eyes firmly when she felt her arousal increase more and more. This was torture, delicious and overwhelming torture, being pressed up against Sheldon like this.

Sheldon pulled back from her a little bit and stared at her. His eyes had darkened considerably. His hands remained on her body. Amy felt her heart beat in her throat.

He moved into her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. The corners of their lips touched. Amy's eyes fluttered closed. She gasped softly.

"Friends can kiss each other's cheeks," Sheldon said quietly, as if he was justifying his behaviour.

Amy nodded rapidly. "Of course," she whispered. She looked up in Sheldon's eyes and swallowed thickly.

"Some… some friends kiss each other on the lips as well," she muttered, looking at him from beneath her lashes.

"That's true," Sheldon agreed, his voice barely a whisper. "I've seen you kiss Penny once."

Amy nodded again. "Yes," she said. Sheldon's eyes seemed to search hers, and her stomach danced with either nerves or butterflies, or both.

This time when Sheldon moved into her, his lips didn't land on her cheek.

Amy kissed him back with no hesitation. Her arms tightened around his neck, and she pulled him even closer. Sheldon's lips moved over hers urgently, and he groaned in the back of his throat. It had immediate effect on her already very much aroused state.

Her fingers pulled on his hair. Sheldon grunted.

His hand moved from her lower back to her bottom and grasped her firmly. Amy moaned.

Her tongue brushed over his mouth, opening his lips. His tongue met hers readily. Sheldon groaned.

His hips thrusted against her belly. He was as aroused as she was. Amy mewled.

Her eyes searched his as they pulled back from each other, both were breathing deeply. Sheldon's hair was dishevelled and his eyes were nearly black. He had never looked this sexy before.

He grasped her cheek with his hand and pulled her in for another deep kiss. Amy gave in. They had never kissed like this, with so much passion and pent-up frustration and obvious arousal from his side. It made her insides burn and her panties wet with desire.

Sheldon pulled back from a little bit, but he was still very much in her face. Amy's hand had moved from his neck to his front and her hands were fisting his shirts. Sheldon didn't seem to mind.

Their foreheads touched as they seemed to breathe in the same air.

"Some friends…" Sheldon started shakily. "Some friends do more than kissing… I've been told."

He gulped again, and Amy gasped in surprise at his bold statement. Sheldon squeezed her bottom and thrusted against her belly again, to emphasize his aroused state.

"I – I've heard that too," Amy whispered, her voice shook with nerves and her own aroused state seemed to make decisions for her. "W-w-with benefits, they call it."

Sheldon nodded, his hand kept squeezing her ass and Amy moaned out loud.

She kissed him again, afraid to really think about where this was going. Because surely Sheldon wasn't asking her what he seemed to be asking her.

Sheldon's lips moved from her mouth and made a path to her neck by littering a million tiny kisses on her cheek and jaw. His mouth pressed a kiss underneath her ear. Amy trembled.

"Come to bed with me," Sheldon murmured in her ear.

Amy's stomach bottomed out and she nodded despite herself. "Okay," she acquiesced.

Sheldon pulled back from her and looked into her eyes deeply again. His bottom lip disappeared in his mouth. Was he backing down? It would only make sense if he did. Because this whole situation wasn't making sense at all.

But he lowered her hands from his shirt, and pulled her along with him as he made way to his bedroom. Amy's legs felt like jelly and she was happy to hold onto him as he strung her along.

Once in his bedroom, Sheldon closed the door behind them and turned the lock. Amy's breath caught in her throat. He turned around and his eyes roamed over her.

Amy stared at him as he began to loosen the buttons of her cardigan. His fingers were shaking slightly. Amy shrugged off the cardigan when he was done unbuttoning it, and he continued with the buttons of her blouse.

"It's a good thing we're friends," Sheldon mumbled. "That way we can tell each other when we feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed, without being afraid it puts our relationship in jeopardy."

Amy nodded in confirmation. "Yes," she said.

"You'll tell me when you need me to stop?" Sheldon asked, apparently needing the confirmation.

"I will," Amy said. She swallowed away the dryness in her throat.

At some point during the evening she and Sheldon had gone from being exes who were friends, to exes who were friends-with-benefits and they were on the verge of having sex.

It was a lot to process. Especially because Sheldon was taking off his shirts two at a time.

"Hoo," Amy uttered, unable to control herself. He looked way too toned and too good for someone who spend his days playing videogames and working at whiteboards.

Sheldon gazed at her. He remembered what that meant, she was certain.

Amy flushed with embarrassment. Why she was embarrassed was beyond her though; they had sort of agreed to sleep together just now and being aroused was a requirement for that. But something about the way Sheldon looked at he made her feel naked, despite the fact that most of her body was still covered with clothes.

Sheldon began loosening the confines of his pants, and Amy watched his hands work. She could see the definite bulge there, that she had felt pressed against her belly in the kitchen. She bit her lip and lowered the zipper of her skirt. It fell at her ankles, and she stepped out of it with shaking legs. Amy took a seat at the foot of his bed, and kicked off her shoes.

She looked up at Sheldon, who was clad in just his briefs now.

"Will you tell me too? When you don't like it or want to stop?" she asked.

"Of course."

Her blood rushed through her, and it only got more intense with the way Sheldon was staring at her. She quickly averted her gaze. Amy lifted her camisole over her head and breathed out in surprise when she felt Sheldon's hands on the waistband of her tights.

He pushed against her shoulder and Amy fell back against the mattress.

His hands worked efficiently, and he pulled off her panties together with her tights. Amy stared up at him from her reclined position on the bed, clad in just her bra. Sheldon dropped her undergarments on the floor and his eyes roamed over her.

Amy blushed and looked away. "Don't stare at me like that," she mumbled.

"Why not?" Sheldon asked. He pushed her legs open with his hands, and lowered himself onto the floor on his knees between her opened legs.

Amy's eyes widened.

His hand moved from her thigh to her centre. She moaned pathetically when his fingers moved over her – glided over her, more like – as he familiarised himself with her. She shook when he brushed over her clit fleetingly. He looked back up at her.

Amy felt red in the face.

If she and Sheldon were still in a relationship, she would have worried he'd be disgusted with the amount of wetness there or the smell of her arousal. Or even how she looked down there. She would have been afraid he'd run away screaming and her five-year-plan of becoming Mrs. Cooper-Fowler would be down the drain.

But her five-year-plan was down the drain already, and for some reason it made all this a lot less heavy.

Because they were friends now. And friends were honest with each other about their likes and dislikes. They were just two friends who were doing each other a favour by having sex.

Friends with benefits.

But the way Sheldon looked at her now made her think there was still more than friendship between them.

His thumb caressed her clit again and Amy's breath caught in her throat. Sheldon's eyes were pitch-black as he stared at her face while he kept moving his finger in firm circles against her most intimate places.

"Ahh," Amy moaned, and her head fell back against the bed. She couldn't keep looking at him. It was too intense.

He kept rubbing against her, and Amy was steadily getting more aroused and she moved towards something. "Sheldon," she mewled, her lower belly felt tingly and the butterflies were everywhere now.

Suddenly his thumb was replaced with something wet and slick and velvety. She exhaled loudly in shock. Her eyes shot open and she looked down between her legs warily, where she found Sheldon staring back at her; his mouth latched onto her.

Amy made inhuman sounds as he continued his assault on her with his mouth. His lips moved over her clit, like he was kissing her and then he took it in his mouth and suckled softly on her. Amy cried out – the sensations were too much, too good, too intense.

"Oh my God, Sheldon," she muttered in one breath, her voice unrecognizably high to her own ears. And her hips moved on their own accord, in tiny pushes against his face. Sheldon held her steady against the bed with one hand, while the other slid against her wet and throbbing centre.

She mewled when she felt his fingers enter her slowly, stretching her – first one, then two and she didn't think she could handle more than this.

"Sheldon, please," she pleaded him, but she had no idea what she was really asking him – her mind was a mess and she felt overcome with the sensation of him. He was everywhere. In her head all the time, and inside her now as well with his fingers, and his mouth and tongue on her. Slowly but surely making her lose her mind.

He groaned against her, and it was the vibrations that pushed her over the edge. Amy gasped and maybe she cried out his name again – she couldn't be sure – because all that she could focus on was the way he was making her feel. Her body shook with spasms and the euphoric feelings of her orgasm washed over her in waves, her muscles contracted around his fingers and her heart raced wildly in her chest.

She was slowly catching her breath again and realised her fingers had such a firm grip on the sheets next to her that they seemed to cramp up. Amy blinked languidly at Sheldon. He was wiping his mouth with his undershirt.

"A friend would tell her friend if that was enjoyable or not," he stated.

Amy gaped at him. Wasn't that clear?

"That was amazing," she said, breathlessly, as she slowly sat up. Sheldon didn't even try to look like he didn't feel extremely smug about her praise.

"Good," he muttered. "I figured as much, seeing as you have a cunnilingus-fantasy as your desktop wallpaper."

Amy flushed again, and not just because Sheldon was lowering his briefs without shame.

"I can't believe you would have let Wolowitz fix your laptop," Sheldon continued, as if he wasn't standing naked before her. "Don't you know what a pervert that man is? Your reputation at the university would have been sullied in a day."

Amy barely heard him.

She was too busy staring at his body. Seeing a very much alive penis was a lot different than seeing one on a deceased person in the cadaver lab at UCLA.

Sheldon noticed he had lost her attention. He coughed awkwardly. "Alright, I understand what you said before about the staring," he mumbled. "Will you cut that out?"

"No," Amy grinned wickedly at him. "Come here."

Sheldon took a seat next to her on the bed. Amy leaned forward to let him look at her bra as he opened the hook-and-eye closure. Her whole body felt still tingly with residual arousal, but her orgasm had loosened her up enough to stop being afraid and scared of whatever was happening between them.

"Can I touch you?" she asked. Sheldon leaned back on the bed and gave her an insecure look.

"I guess," he said quietly.

"Just say the word and I'll stop," Amy added hastily. "We're friends, there's no pressure. We're just helping each other out."

Sheldon nodded. "Yes, friends," he replied, but his left eye twitched.

Amy focussed on his body in front of him. She stroked him across him chest like she would have Amelia do to Cooper in her fan fictions, and marvelled at the feel of him. He twitched slightly when she scratched him lightly over the hairs under his belly button.

Her hand grasped his erection and someone gasped – either he or she, but probably the both of them. She hadn't expected him to feel like this. Firm yet soft, hard and pulsing under her fingers. Sheldon groaned lowly as she took him in her hand with more confidence and started to move her hand up and down him.

Sheldon trembled under her touch, and his head was thrown back as he moaned deeply. Amy stared at his face. It was fascinating to see.

A drop of wetness appeared at the tip of his penis, and Amy swiped at it with her thumb. She leaned forward to lick it off her thumb, her hand never leaving his hard dick. Sheldon froze in shock as her hair brushed against his lower body.

Amy assessed the slightly salty taste on her tongue, and decided it wasn't so bad. She leaned in and licked across the tip of his penis.

"Amy!" Sheldon cried out loudly, and the sound of her name on his lips like this made her arousal return tenfold.

Sheldon's hands were on her then; moving her hair to the side so he could look at her as she took the tip in her mouth and sucked softly. He pulsed in her mouth, and Amy felt his blood rush through his shaft in her hand.

"Oh, dear Lord," Sheldon exclaimed. He groaned deeply as Amy tentatively moved her head up and down.

Amy tried to take him in further, but Sheldon tugged on her hair. "Amy, stop," he said, breathless and hurriedly. She got off him immediately, her hand letting go as well.

Amy looked back at him, worried she had gone too far. Sheldon had his eyes closed and he was taking deep breaths as if he was trying to calm himself down. Amy bit her lip. It looked like he had been enjoying that a little too much perhaps.

"If you'd have kept up with that I wouldn't have been able to stop," Sheldon muttered, his eyes still closed and his jaw tense.

"Why would you want to stop?" Amy asked.

Sheldon opened his eyes and looked at her in confusion. "I can't have coitus with you after I ejaculate from fellatio, Amy. You're a biologist. Surely you know that only women can have multiple orgasms during sex. The male orgasm pretty much puts a stop to the whole deal."

Amy giggled.

"You're right," she said, and she boldly swung her leg over his waist.

Sheldon stared at her.

"As your friend, I feel like I should let you know that I didn't stop you because I didn't enjoy that," he said, and his hands took hold of her hips. "I enjoyed it a lot."

"Thank you," Amy said bashfully, and Sheldon pulled her down on top of him. Amy breathed in sharply as she felt his erection move against the wetness between her legs. She shifted against him. lubricating him and rubbing her clit against the tip.

Her heart began to beat in a steady drum in her chest. They were actually going to do this.

"I'm glad I'm doing this with you for the first time," Amy said softly.

"Because we're friends?" Sheldon asked, and his grip on her hips tightened. Amy's heart constricted in her chest and for some reason her eyes filled with tears.

"Because it's you," she whispered.

Sheldon's eyes seemed to soften, and he grabbed her face with one hand while he sat up a little with difficulty. He pulled her in for a kiss. A tear rolled down Amy's cheek.

"I'm glad it's you too," Sheldon said. Amy took a shuddering breath. She wasn't backing out now.

Amy pushed at his shoulders to make him lie back down, and reached between her legs to position him at her entrance. She held Sheldon's gaze as she slowly lowered herself down on top of him.

It was a tight fit, but she breathed out steadily as she lowered onto him fully.

It felt simultaneously like she had always thought it would be and at the same time not at all.

No amount of girl talk, Harlequin novels and pornography could have prepared her for this. The feeling of become one with Sheldon; their hips fused together, how he filled her fully and completely, her body stretching to accommodate him, her heart trying to burst out of her chest with the insane amount of beats per minute it was going.

But the biological parts were negligible, compared to the feelings going through her as she looked down into Sheldon's eyes.

She gasped for air at the intensity of his gaze, and the tears fell down her cheeks. She couldn't do it. Not when they were pretending they hadn't hurt each other like they had, how they had broken each other's hearts and now were suddenly going further than they had ever gone before. It wasn't right like this.

"Does it hurt?" Sheldon asked, his voice laced with worry.

Yes, it hurt. Not physically. But it hurt like hell.

Amy took another shuddering breath, and Sheldon pulled her down towards him by her hands. He wiped the tears from her cheeks and he kissed her gently.

"We can stop," he whispered against his lips, but there was a tremor in his voice indicating he was having a hard time saying it.

Amy tried to calm herself down. This was her one chance of having sex with Sheldon – something she had wanted for years – and she was ruining it with her feelings for him. And Sheldon had exceeded all her expectations so far; his oral skills had ruined her for her electric toothbrush for life.

She kissed him instead of answering him, and Sheldon's lips on hers felt familiar and kind, and it broke her heart even more. Sheldon's hands moved from her face to her hips, and he lifted her slightly as he slipped out of her.

Now Amy was left feeling hollow and empty. She didn't know what was worse.

She was rolled over, and she found herself on her back gazing up at Sheldon who hung over her. He was still gazing at her with that intense look.

"Do you want to stop?" he asked again, his thumb making light caresses against her cheek.

Did she? Amy stared at him. He was everything she had ever wanted. She would never find someone again who she felt so strongly for. And if this was the way she could have him – have all of him – then this was the way she would have him.

Amy shook her head. "No," she mumbled. "I was – I was overwhelmed, I guess."

Sheldon breathed out a sigh of relief. He kissed her sweetly. "I thought that was just me," he whispered.

Amy's heart soared.

She took hold of his face and pulled him close. She kissed him with everything she didn't dare to say; how she wished he hadn't rejected her when she asked him to be his girlfriend again, how she wished she hadn't asked for a step back, how she would give anything to go back to that night on his couch and relive that faithful night, but with everything she knew now.

Sheldon groaned in her mouth, and he met her lips with equal fervour. Their tongues moved over each other again and again, and Amy pushed up her chest when one of Sheldon's hands caressed her over her breast. She moaned in his mouth. Her hips bucked up against him when he pinched her nipple, and his hard member slipped dangerously low against her. Sheldon pulled back from her mouth, breathing deeply.

His eyes asked her a silent question.

Amy nodded. "Please," she whispered.

"Amy," Sheldon mumbled, and he pushed into her. Amy breathed out shallowly again, overcome with the sensation of being so full once more. She felt even fuller now than she did before.

Sheldon looked at her.

"Are you alright?" he asked, his voice strained.

"Yes," Amy breathed. She shifted her hips against him a little. And Sheldon groaned deeply above her.

"Are you?" Amy asked. They were even closer together now, with Sheldon on top of her. She felt surrounded by him and she didn't understand how she had managed to live a day without it.

"Yes," Sheldon murmured. "You feel amazing, Amy."

Amy moaned as he began to move. Steadily, slowly. He pulled out a little bit, and pushed back into her carefully, as if he was worried she would start to cry again. But there was no physical pain to begin with, just the ache in her heart which was lessening with every movement he made.

Together they found a rhythm after a few awkward movements, and Amy couldn't help but cry out in pleasure every time Sheldon rubbed against her just right. Sheldon was breathing harshly through his teeth, and his shoulders felt slick with sweat.

Amy rubbed against him, and basked in the feeling of being filled by him. Filled with him.

"Sheldon!" she gasped in surprise, he had grabbed her bottom with both his hands and tilted her hips in a way that made him push into her even further. It made her see stars.

"Amy," he groaned. His thrusts were getting sloppy now, and Amy knew his release was inevitable. She was honestly surprised with how long he had lasted.

"Amy, you feel so good… I can't keep holding off…"

Amy lifted her legs higher, and wrapped them around his waist. Sheldon sank deeper inside her. Amy moaned in his ear.

"Amy," he pleaded her, thrusting harder into her now, and Amy whimpered with each rough push inside her. "I'm gonna..."

"Yes… yes," she mewled, feeling tingles resembling something of a tiny orgasm going through her, but not enough to make her come again. But it didn't matter. Not when she had Sheldon on top her, coming inside her with bursts of hot liquid shooting inside her, his warm and slick body on top of her, his deep breath hot against her ear.

She wanted to feel this every day.

Sheldon was panting when he rolled off her. Amy looked at him. She had a hard time believing what had just happened.

Sheldon turned towards her and looked her straight in the eye.

"I can't be friends with you, Amy," he said between gasps. "Not with benefits."

Amy felt her heart constrict in her chest. Had she been that bad at sex? It seemed a little unfair to say this after one time. A good scientist always tried at least three separate times.

"Oh," was all she was able to say in return.

Sheldon pulled her towards him and his mouth crashed against hers. Amy's eyes widened in shock, but before she could respond, he pulled away.

"I can't be friends with you, Amy. With or without benefits. Not after this, not after making love to you just now," he elaborated, and Amy could only gape at him.

"Tell me you didn't feel it, and I'll leave you alone, I promise," he said urgently. He swallowed nervously when she took too long to answer.

"I felt it," she whispered.

Sheldon's eyes lit up. Amy pulled him into her this time, and their lips met in a tell-all kiss. They should talk about this sometime, but not right now. Now, all she wanted was to bask in the afterglow of her first time ever with the only man she would do this with.

Her heart was so full, she began to cry again. But they were happy tears, and she didn't mind one bit.

Bliss.

It wasn't just the name of the Windows XP default desktop background, she realised. It was the exact emotion she felt at this moment. She would never look at that desktop background the same way again.

END

A/N I just love the angst during the break-up. Hope you did too. Leave me a review and make my day.