A/N: Da Vinci's Lottery had been kind to me. My Euryale will be ready for Camelot soon.
Edit: I was wrong! I am not ready for Gwain or Camelot!
Beta by ekaterina016 and Vahn C. Wyrd.
Gudako, the Supreme Master of Chaldea
No skipping prologue
"Hey, you're finally awake," Gudako greeted.
Gudao had a hunch this was a reference to a certain classical western RPG game, but everyone else didn't understand it and could only wonder why she greeted Geronimo like that.
"What happened?" Geronimo asked.
"You were being summoned, right? Materialized right into that Shadow Servants' ambush, same as us, and the other Servants over there," Gudako answered, pointing at the gathering of her and Gudao's Servants.
"Please, stop," Gudao begged, now realizing what she was imitating. He felt like a giga-migraine was brewing in his head.
"It's just a Skyrim reference; you know those are classic!" The short abomination argued.
Gudao could give about a dozen or more reasons why that wasn't the case, including they were in the middle of a burning city… and Skyim's memes were dead memes. But sensing a pattern of the madness in his colleague, he decided to fight fire with fire.
"You want Bethesda to send us 'Cease and Desist'?" Gudao asked.
Gudako went silent for a full minute. "Okay, you made your point," the girl backed down.
"Umm," Geronimo spoke up again. "So, what happened exactly?"
"You're a Servant being summoned, but I am sure you know that already. When you manifested, I kind of make a mistake and punched you in the face, knocking you out. I am really sorry."
'Are you, though?' Everyone there questioned Gudako's sincerity.
"Anyways, we should get going," Olga spoke up. "We still need to figure out what caused this place to become a Singularity."
"Right," Mashu and Gudao acknowledged.
"Or we could just ask Cu," Gudako interrupted.
"Umm… why me, Master?" Lancer asked.
"No, not you, Cu. The other Cu."
The orange-haired midget pointed at a blue-haired man walking up to them – his similarity to Cu Chulainn was on point. Once the man reached them, he looked at Cu (Lancer) with a mild surprise. "Well, I come here to investigate the surge of prana, but I guess I hit the jackpot." He looked directly at Cu (Lancer). "You know who I am, don't you?"
Cu (Lancer) closed his eyes for a few seconds. "You are me, summoned as Caster," the spearman answered.
"Correct… and I must say, I miss being a Lancer, I look much more handsome that way," Cu (Caster) remarked, while holding his chin and grinning.
"Why, thank you! Even as a Caster, you are not looking so bad yourself," Cu (Lancer) returned the compliment.
A realization hit Medusa and Emiya. 'Oh, gods, there are two of them!' they internally screamed.
'Ironically, he probably dies less than his counterpart,' Gudako thought. 'Oh right, I want to skip this as well.' Gudako interrupted the two Cu(s) complimenting one another.
"Hey, Cu. Can you tell us what's going on?"
"Well, I suppose I can trust you, since my other self also does," Cu (Caster) said.
'Guess we are lucky,' Olga and Gudao thought, since they managed to summon one of many possible Cu Chulainn, and secured the trust of the only lead which could lead to them ending this Singularity.
Gudako, on the other hand, thought, 'Wish I got Scáthach instead of the meme boi…' She had to hold back her tears, since not a single higher-tier Servants appeared in her first roll.
So Cu (Caster) began his explanation about a Holy Grail War commencing… and then shit went sideways, and all the Servant who was defeated by Saber, who was corrupted, and all regular humans disappeared. Now, he was the only one left. Gudako didn't have to guess it was Zouken's doing.
"I see, so that's the summary of the situation," Olga remarked as Cu (Caster) finished. "In that case, we must make it to the Holy Grail immediately. If we can stop it, we can end this."
"Understood," everyone acknowledged.
"Can you lead us there?" Gudao asked Cu (Caster).
"Of course, but keep your wits about you." Caster looked Gudao directly in the eyes. "The city is swarmed with Shadow Servants – expect a few fights on our way there."
Gudao nodded. Cu (Caster) shifted his gaze toward Gudako, but he turned away as soon as their eyes met. Even the famous hero of Celtic mythology couldn't muster the courage to look Gudako in the eyes the same way he did to her male counterpart.
"Say," the orange-haired girl spoke up. "If we have to call you Cu Chulainn, it will be confusing, right?"
"Yeah, I can see that," Cu (Caster) agreed.
"What if we come up with a codename for you?" Gudako suggested. "How about… Cas Cu?"
"C-Cas Cu?" Cas Cu asked and pointed at himself.
Gudako then turned toward Lancer. "And you would be Lan Cu!" She cheered. Unlike his counterpart, Lancer just frowned at the nickname. "Yosh! With that settled, lets us go." She jumped and took a comfortable seat over Geronimo's neck. "Let us go forth, my minions!"
"Umm…" Geronimo wasn't sure what he was supposed to do here, and neither was everyone else.
"...just," Cas Cu paused to sigh. "Just follow me."
With that, the plot got moving.
After traveling through Fuyuki for about ten minutes, with Cas Cu as their guide, the Heroic Spirit held up his hand for them to pause. "Hold up, I am sensing some enemies up ahead," he warned.
"How many are there?" Gudao asked.
"I think… five, but they were far apart from each other," Cu informed.
"Is it possible to take them out separately?" The boy asked further.
"If you assign your Servants according to class advantage and disadvantage, then sure," Gudako said.
"Umm, how about you take one group and I take the other?" Gudao proposed.
"Alrighty, then! Come, people, let's us start farming mats!" Gudako pulled Geronimo's hair forward and made him run ahead. Lu Bu, being a Berserker, just walked after his Master. Stheno and Lan Cu sighed and followed quietly.
"Um, Director… can you please go with her and make sure she didn't… do anything drastic?" Gudao begged.
"I think it's a little late for that, Senpai," Mashu remarked.
Olga just sighed. It was still her duty to help with Chaldea's operation, regardless of whether she wanted to or not. "Very well, but I would like to request assistance from Caster Cu, if you wouldn't mind," she said to Gudao and Cas Cu. "Gudako only has four Servants with her, after all."
"That's understandable," the bare-chested Servant accepted, before donning his hood. "Alright, then, missy, let's go. Your group goes off and takes care of the other group."
Gudao nodded, before departing with his Servants and Mash.
"I have a hunch," Emiya spoke up as they walked on.
"About what?" Medusa asked.
"That Lancer is going to die," the red Archer predicted.
"Again?"
"Again."
"What do you mean by 'again'?" Gudao asked.
"Let's just say there were several outcomes to the Grail War we participated in," Medusa elaborated.
"In all of them, even the ones where Lancer wins, Lancer always dies," Emiya finished.
"But he's Cu Chulainn!" Roman suddenly spoke through the Gudao's wrist device. "How can the greatest Hero of Celtic folklore die all the time?! Yes, I know he died in the legend as well, Bob!"
"The point is," Emiya interrupted the doctor. "I think we should finish our fight as quickly as possible, and then go check up on Gudako's team."
"Alright," Gudao affirmed.
"I can carry you, Senpai," Mashu offered. "We can travel faster that way, since humans can't really keep up with Servants."
"I know a few people who went against that convention." Emiya was referring to his certain old teacher back when he was 'Shirou Emiya'. Wait, no, make it two – he was sure Taiga could match up to a Servant or two.
"Regardless, in hostile territory like this, it would still be wise to let your Servant handle the aspect of transportation, especially since we have two Riders with us." Mashu advised.
"As expect of my kouhai, you are a fountain of exposition and a great tutorial trainer!"
Everyone looked around, trying to find where that voice came from. They swore it sound just like…
"Was that… Gudako-san?" Chevalier d'Eon was the first to dare ask.
"I… think?" Gudao answered, unsure. "Was that- Was that real?"
"Affirmative," Charles Babbage confirmed. "My sound receptor manages to hear Gudako's voice, the same as everyone. I am a machine; I cannot be tricked by illusion."
There was a short silence between all of them.
"Let's just… Let's just get going," Gudao finally said. "Umm…" Looking over all of his Servants, he finally requested while blushing, "Ushiwakamaru, can you carry me? I mean, if it's okay with you…"
"Of course, Gudao-dono," Ushiwakamaru agreed with a slight bow.
"He just wants to feel her skin," Medusa whispered to Emiya with a smirk. "Else he would have picked me."
"You're one to talk," Emiya countered, referring to her marginally less revealing clothing than the other Rider.
Ushiwakamaru walked up to Gudao and carried him off in bridal style, which made Gudao's blush intensify.
In any event, they all took off after their enemies. Upon arrival, they quickly made short work of the two Shadow Servants: a Berserker and two Assassins. Without further delay, they departed towards Gudako's team.
Olga wasn't sure how to respond to the scene in front of her, and neither was Cas Cu. In fact, they didn't – their brain just shut down, simply staring at what Gudako had done. They were only snapped back to reality with Gudao's arrival.
"Director!" Mashu shouted as they arrived, since Gudao was still being carried by Ushiwakamaru. "What is the- WHAT IS GOING ON!?" It was rare for Mashu to lose her composure, but in a situation like this, one couldn't blame her.
Gudao's group stared at the carnage before them.
Lu Bu was repeatedly beating a corpse of a Shadow Servant with his spear, believing it was alive because it didn't dematerialize.
Geronimo was lying face-up on the ground, contemplating if he should have died with his family when Custer attacked his village, rather than seeking vengeance and ended being a Heroic Spirit, which made him ended up here.
Stheno was running away from the last Shadow Servant. It didn't hold any weapon – rather, a Japanese sailor school uniform – while chasing the loli Assassin. Emiya and Medusa recognized who that was: their old Caster acquaintance in fact, but they were fixated on something else...
Because Lan Cu was…
"Lancer ga shinda!" Emiya shouted.
"Kono hito de nashi!" Medusa added.
Indeed, Lan Cu was impaled on a spear, lying face down on the ground.
Amid all of this chaos was Gudako, sitting a distance away and digging through what seemed to be a pile of bronze and silver treasure chests.
"Gudako!" Gudao shouted to get the girl's attention.
"Oh, Gudao-chan. You're done? Got any mats with you? I didn't get much drop," Gudako greeted back. She quickly stood up and pocketed all the chests into her shirt. "Now, then," She turned to her Servants. "Are you people done?"
"■■■!" Lu Bu replied, but didn't look like he would stop beating the corpse anytime soon.
"Like Tartarus I am!" Stheno screamed. "Somebody save me!"
The Class Advantage was truly overwhelming.
"I… I didn't fight anyone," Geronimo confessed. Gudako wasn't stupid enough to use one of the worst Servants in the game – he might still be usable here and there, but come on, it's Geronimo.
Lan Cu didn't reply, busy being dead.
"Medusa, go help your sister; Mashu and d'Eon, please go and calm Lu Bu down; Babbage, go check on Lancer; the rest of you, with me," Gudao gave out several short orders, snapping everyone back to reality.
They went off to take care of their tasks, while Gudao walked up to Gudako. "Just what is going on here?" The male Master asked as soon as he was close enough to his colleague.
"Well, I might have mismatched my team composition a lot, so Lancer was forced to tank everything from the now-dead Assassin and Lancer. Meanwhile, I sent Stheno to distract Caster, which might have work too well."
'Of course it does,' Emiya shuddered. He remembered all-too-well about Medea's taste in… things. Poor Stheno.
"Geronimo, being Geronimo, didn't do much, but he managed to stay alive." The Native American just sighed at that. "Hey, managing to stay alive after going up against the Class-Advantaged enemies is quite a feat! You should be proud!" Gudako reassured him.
'If it weren't tutorial enemies, that is,' Gudako thought darkly after that.
She continued her tale, "Eventually, Lancer died after I used up his Battle Continuation, and Lu Bu comes in to finish off Rider and Assassin, but his Madness Enchantment kicked in and he got distracted with that Assassin's body."
They all looked at Lan Cu's body, which had been arranged into a sleeping position by Babbage with the spear removed. The mechanical Servant looked like he was preparing something as he rubbed his hands together.
"Why don't you just let your Servants engage all at once?" Emiya questioned. "If they all attack at the same time, then Lancer didn't have to die."
"Because with a Berserker, it was more likely everyone else besides Lan Cu would die instead," Gudako told him. "Using a Berserker in combat is no joke." Lore-wise, they indeed weren't. Emiya was silenced by that. "Don't worry though, I can do this." She turned to the corpse of Lan Cu. "By my Command Seal! Return to life!" She didn't really have to shout that out loud, but, eh, this was anime.
As soon as her command went off, Lan Cu's eyes flung open.
"Oh, gods! Did I just die?!" Lan Cu shouted as he came back to life. Before anyone could answer,, however, Charles had finished what he was preparing: AED, also known as Automated External Defibrillator, also better known as those pads medic use to electrocute you back to life.
"Clear," Babbage said, before bring his hand full of dancing lighting down on Lan Cu.
"W-W-WA-WAI-"
Lan Cu didn't get to finish as he was shocked by the King of Steam. He spasmed, before going still again after Babbage lifted his hand.
"Quick! Gudao, use your Mystic Code to heal him!" Gudako shouted.
"Uh, um," Gudao was confused, but clumsily managed to obey and use his Heal which came with his Mystic Code.
Green light and white sparks glimmered around Lan Cu for a few seconds before the Lancer sprung up into a sitting position.
"Treatment successful," Babbage informed.
"Successful my ass! I nearly died a second time, you metal junk!" Lan Cu then quickly turned to his Master. "And you! Why didn't you heal me?! Keeping Berserker from fighting that I can understand, but why didn't you heal me!"
There was a long silence, more so due to the fact that now Lu Bu had calmed down and Shadow Caster dispatched.
Then, in the moment of intent silence, Gudako gave her answer.
"I forgot."
This time, everyone knew she wasn't lying.
Another absolute silence followed.
"You…" Stheno panted, still recovering from the marathon-length distance she had just run. "…are one of the worst Masters, ever."
"I know… and I don't care…"
Yet another excruciating silence.
"A-ah, actually." Roman broke the ice. "Our FATE system registers both Gudako-chan and Gudao-kun as the same Master, likely due to malfunction."
Olga's and Mashu's eyes widened.
"Umm… and what does that supposed to mean?" Gudao asked, not really understanding.
"It means you both share all the Servants you two summon."
A short silence followed. Seeing there were too many silence cuts already, Gudako slowly chuckled – which quickly turned into full-blown laughter. She turned to the two Gorgon sisters with her Command Seal flaring red and a perverted grin enough to rival any ugly bastard in a doujin.
Stheno hugged her sister tightly, while Medusa tried to shield her sibling.
"By my Command Seal, I order you two to-"
"U-Umm, I should also tell you that your Command Seals won't be as effective on the Servants Gudao-kun summoned, and vice-versa," Roman interrupted, hoping it would stop the orange-haired girl. It didn't.
"You don't know if you don't try! I order you two to-"
She was cut off when Cas Cu smashed her in the head with his staff, knocking her out. "We should get going, we are wasting enough time," he said.
"R-Right," Gudao affirmed. "Geronimo-san, could you please… umm…"
"You wish for me to carry Master, correct?" Caster guessed. Gudao nodded. Geronimo sighed, but did as requested and put unconscious Gudako over his shoulder. The group then moved on, though Lu Bu took his time to gather the 'mats', as Gudako called them, before following behind them.
As they journey went on, Cas Cu began to explain their true goal was to find the Holy Grail in order to end this Grail War, which happened to align with their goal to use it to go back home. When they entered the mountain area where it was located, he informed them of the Servant who guarded it.
"So, what is the identity of this Saber who protects the Grail?" Olga asked. "There aren't many Servants who are stronger than you, the legendary Cu Chulainn, right?"
Cas Cu didn't respond immediately, but his expression turned grim. "Artoria Pendragon," he revealed after some time.
Lan Cu, Emiya, and Medusa stopped in their tracks upon hearing that name.
"Is something the matter?" Mashu asked in concern, but none of the three Servants answered.
"Hoo, boy!" Unfortunately for them, Gudako had awakened. "Fifth Holy Grail War reunion!" The short abomination then noticed something. "Stheno, why are you so close to Gudao?"
"As that man said." She pointed at Gudao's wrist device. "He is my Master as well," the loli Servants hissed. "And he is a better Master than you! Thus, he is now my one and only Master!"
"Look, I know I put you, an Assassin Servant, against a Caster, but that didn't mean I am a bad Master," Gudako excused. "In fact, you know what? Here."
Gudako extended her arm all the way to Lu Bu and grabbed one of the chests he was carrying. She opened the chest to reveal a golden crystal and offered it to the twin-tailed girl.
"What is this? It is not a mere gem, is it?" Stheno asked.
"That is Roaring Flames of Wisdom," Olga explained. "It contains a special type of mana which will strengthen Servants."
"You are supposed to, umm… eat it, like a chewing candy, or so Da Vinci-chan said," Roman elaborated.
Stheno slowly extended her hand before taking the crystal from Gudako's hand. She observed it for a good few seconds before looking at Gudao. He offered her a smile and a nod. She sighed and put the crystal into her mouth. Her eyes slowly widened as she chewed.
"How was it?" d'Eon asked.
"It's pretty good," Stheno confessed.
"See?" Gudako said with a smile. "I can be a good Master when I want to, right Cu, Gero?"
Neither of them said anything, though they were very doubtful about that statement.
"That remains to be seen," Stheno said, still very much skeptical as well.
"That's good enough." Gudako climbed from Lan Cu's shoulder over to Geronimo's neck, and took her proper seat. "We still on a tight schedule; let's continue on."
Gudao just nodded to Cas Cu and let him continue to lead the way.
As expected, however, Gudako couldn't keep her mouth shut. She steered Geronimo over to Gudao who was a little behind from the other, along with Lu Bu, EMIYA, and Lan Cu, who were covering the back of the group.
"Say, Gudao-chan," she said slyly and put her arm over Gudao's neck. It was as if Geronimo was her own body. "Don't you think I didn't notice your stare?"
"What do you mean?" Gudao asked, not quite following.
"Oh, you harem protagonists and your denseness," Gudako mused while shaking her head. "I am talking about the way you're looking at dat ass, of course."
Gudao nearly choked on the air. Emiya and Geronimo suddenly feel like they really didn't want to be here right now. Lan Cu looked curious. Lu Bu suddenly felt an urge to eat some baozi… with BBQ pork filling.
"W-What?! No, I don't!" Gudao tried to keep his voice down.
Unknown to them, the women, Cas Cu, and d'Eon, all of whom were ahead of them, could hear their conversation just fine. Olga and Mashu suddenly became very self-conscious, with the white-haired director subtly attempting to pull her skirt to cover more of her backside.
"Come on… I can see where your eyes are wondering from time to time," Gudako jeered. "Don't worry, man. You can trust us."
'The others? Yes. You? Not so much,' Gudao thought.
"Just tell us who you are interested in." Gudako's arm tightened around his neck, forcing him and Geronimo to get closer to each other.
"I won't lie, I am interested as well," Lan Cu admitted.
'Of course you would,' Emiya, Medusa, and Cas Cu thought, though the latter did so cordially.
"What kind of women do you like, Master Gudao?" Lancer asked with a smirk.
"...it's not Stheno, is it?" Emiya questioned. If his Master was staring at Stheno's… buttocks, his Unlimited Blade Works would have another target besides Saber.
"Who said he was looking at a woman?" Gudako cut in with an eyebrow lifted.
'What?' Everyone beside Gudao, Lu Bu, and Lancer thought.
"What?" Lancer spoke out loud.
'■■■■―' Lu Bu thought, which translated to 'I wonder if Diaochan will get summoned as well.'
Gudao just turned away from Gudako, too fearful to look her in the eyes; not that anyone else here was brave enough to do that either.
"He was staring at d'Eon-chan's ass a few times."
Everything suddenly went silent, the group coming to a halt, except for Lu Bu who walked on a little before stopping as well in confusion. Everyone turned to look at Gudao in disbelief, but the fact that he was hiding his face behind his hands proved Gudako's words were true.
"I knew it! I know you are a trap lover!" Gudako screamed at him with a triumphant smile.
"M-Master," a smooth feminine voice spoke up – Chevalier d'Eon's. "I-Is this true?"
Gudao peaked through the gap between his fingers, his eyes filled with guilt. "Yes."
Mashu suddenly felt like getting a sex change surgery.
A/N: So… Gudao is a trap lover… just like Riyo Gudao. Hoo boy, his corruption process had begun, let us hope his harem could pull him from that abyss… unless… the traps were also in his harem as well?! He's doom!
