A/N: The more I look, the more I want Artoria Bunny Ruler. Next year for sure. For now, I will have to work toward Solomon if I want to do this year GudaGuda — I already missed Setsuban… oh wait, there's Journey to the West and Apocrypha event too, fuck.

Also now that we got back to Chaldea, we can add 'Fragments of Chaldea' by GhostXavier as another inspiration though my work would be more humor oriented with a dash of crack, or a lot of cracks.

Beta by ekaterina016


Gudako, the Supreme Master of Chaldea

Back in Chaldea

The team and their Servants emerged from the tunnel of light created from the Rayshifting process. Gudao, Mash, and Olga breathed out a sigh of relief at coming back alive from their first mission… but not Gudako, because she didn't seem like she even needed to breathe like a normal human being.

"Medic team!" Doctor Roman yelled.

As soon as the words left his mouth, a team of Chaldea staff rushed forward to check on them, especially Director Olga, who received a lot of attention — since she was now a homunculus and all. In contrast, the medical staff ignored Gudako entirely. Seeing this, Doctor Roman just sighed and approached her himself.

"Hey, Gudako-chan, how are you?" The trusted doctor of Chaldea greeted as cordially as he could.

"Everybody keeps asking 'how is Gudako', but no one ever asks 'what is Gudako'," the girl said with fake cartoonish tears.

'I would, but… look at you,' Roman thought. He still couldn't quite comprehend Gudako's new cartoonish abominable form either.

"Say, you got an empty room for me to use? I can't use my bedroom, it's too small," the orange-haired girl requested.

Roman dreaded to ask but he had to, "A room? For what?"

"Because I need somewhere to set these up," Gudako said, pointing at something.

The doctor followed the girl's index finger. His jaw dropped upon discovering an entire truck in the chamber. "Wah?! How is this thing get in here?!" Roman yelled. Now that he got a better look at it, this was the same truck Gudako had acquired from Fuyuki. Though the question remained: How did it get here? They didn't target it for Rayshifting and it was too far away to be sucked in along with everyone here. Did Gudako just drag it along with her?

After just a few minutes of guessing, Roman groaned in resignation. This had been a long day and everyone was injured, mentally exhausted, or extremely tired. He would just play along with this and figured what happened to the girl later.

"Right, you were… umm, asking for a room, right?" Roman asked with a forced smile. Gudako just nodded. "Well, we might have free space now the facility has been… compromised."

"What do you mean by that?" Olga asked.

Roman facepalmed. He was so focused on Gudako he forgot the Director was here as well. He really didn't want to break to her the bad news when she was still vulnerable mentally and physically — she would break, and they needed their leader now more than ever.

"I-I will explain it to you later," Romani reassured. "A-Anyways, Aashna-san!" The doctor called out one of the staff ― a woman with a dark complexion and a name which easily identified her as someone hailing from India. The employee tore her eyes away from Medusa, whom she was examining. "Can you please show Gudako-chan here Room 76?" Roman instructed.

The woman's gaze shifted nervously between Gudako and the doctor. After a few seconds to compose herself, she finally nodded.

"Lead the way then!" Gudako said cheerfully, before going over to the truck and lifted it up with ease.

"R-Right this way," Aashna said as she escorted them both toward the exit. She kept glancing back at Gudako and Romani, who had a grateful smile and pressed his hand together to give a silent 'I am sorry'... or was he praying for her? The employee just took a deep breath and continued to walk on, though as she transited to the smaller hallway, she was worried Gudako's truck would cause more damage to the barely running facility. She was shocked to find some kind of cartoon logic applied to the truck, and it was squeezing through the all-too-small hallway like a balloon. She just walked faster, borderline running, wanting nothing more than to be rid of Gudako.

Everyone who saw the whole display could only watch in astonishment and silence. The stillness was only broken by the footsteps of Geronimo walking away from the group.

"Where are you going?" Cu Chulainn asked.

"I need a drink," the Native American answered.

Everyone felt inclined to do the same.


EMIYA opened his eyes and sighed. He couldn't sleep. Not that he needed to, being a Servant and all that, but this was one of the few things which reminded all Servants they were once human — along with eating food.

What robbed him of this joy, one might ask?

Well, on top of the many events happening in such a short span of time, including having to kill Artoria (again), his roommate happened to one of the loudest snorers he had ever had the displeasure of knowing.

The Red Archer sat up on his bed and looked over to Cu, who was sleeping soundly and fooling everyone outside that this was an engine room with his snoring. EMIYA ran his hand through his hair before getting out of bed and walked toward the bathroom. He quickly washed his face and brushed his teeth. If he wasn't getting any sleep, he might as well go do something productive instead.

After preparing himself for the day ahead, the Counter Spirit walked out of the bathroom and headed straight for the door. He spared a quick glance at the clock to see the time — 4:26 in the morning — before walking out the metal door.

He strode through the empty, dimly lit, and muted hallway of Chaldea. From what the acting-director, Dr. Romani, told him, the facility was running on the emergency generators, several essential parts of Chaldea were damaged, and many of the staff had perished in the sabotage — calling the situation 'grim' would be like saying 'it's just a rain' in the middle of a hurricane. The Doctor, however, ended the report on a positive note.

Roman said, "Da Vinci-chan had been preparing robots in case of an emergency like this, and any Servant summoned will be of great help to the overall effort and survivability of Chaldea," before taking Gudao and Olga to the medical ward, while everyone else, except Babbage, was dismissed. The Steam King was requested to assist them with fixing the power generators, along with figuring an alternate fuel source to sustain Chaldea; because, as it turned out, no fuel or other supplies would be coming.

Why?

EMIYA just looked out the viewport in the hallway and stared at the snowy desolate wasteland and a wall of maelstroms which had now surrounded them. The Human Order was on the brink of collapse, and they were the last hope of humanity. Now he knew why Alaya would assign him to be a Servant here, and Gudao didn't seem like a bad Master himself.

On the subject of Masters, however, EMIYA couldn't help but worry about his co-Master. To say Gudako was weird would be one of the greatest understatements in the history of humanity. That wasn't Archer's concern, however ― he had had worse Masters… though he had a gut feeling she might top them all and became, as Stheno had put it, 'the worst Master ever'.

In any event, he wasn't sure how he should feel about his Master's knowledge of his previous life, and not just him, but everyone involved in Fuyuki's Fifth Grail War. How did she find his pan, which could only be found at the Emiya's estate?

The red Archer just shook his head. He was overthinking things when he did not have the luxury to do so. For now, he must help Chaldea recover from its loss.

That was when he heard it. A sound familiar to him back when he still wandered the world, helping people. A silent sobbing echoed in the air. It was extremely faint, but his ears were so used to it he could hear and locate it easily. EMIYA decided to follow the melancholic sound to its source.

He approached the cafeteria.

The metallic door quietly hissed as it automatically slid open for him to enter. The Archer's eyebrows furrowed at the first sight which greeted him. Geronimo was dead-drunk and knocked out on one of the tables, several bottles of alcohol accompanying him. Didn't the Doctor say they were rationing?

EMIYA was reminded why he was here when he heard the same sobbing echoing from beyond the counter. Archer marched on, passing the unconscious Caster and toward the door leading to the food preparation area. He opened the door and could immediately tell this was a transit point where the prepared food was put on plates, rather than the actual kitchen, due to the lack of any proper kitchenware or cooking appliances.

Looking around, he found another door leading deeper — the light inside was turned on, as evidenced by the orange glow leaking from the door bottom. Again, EMIYA walked forward and passed through one more door.

This time he found a real kitchen, a roughly 30x30 room with a smaller room on the right end, taking up a quarter of the chamber. To his right was a large table along with several cabinets containing ingredients and condiments; to his left was a sizable table and a line of wall counters covering that entire side, connected to the appliances area, where machines such as stoves and ovens were installed, located further on the left with another medium-sized table.

Despite taking in the details, with the exception of the smaller room, EMIYA's real focus was on a crying woman sitting at one of the tables, with the only light source in the room shining above her — as if to highlight her misery. The white-haired man carefully approached her. He made sure his steps were heavy enough to notify her, since he would rather not scare the living daylight out of her.

Hearing his approach, the staff turned to face EMIYA and allowed the Archer to see her visage. It was obvious she was in her mid-adult years judging from her facial features, though it did not seem to hinder her beauty. Her green eyes and blonde hair reflected most of the light in the room. The dry tear seemed to stain her orange Chaldea uniform.

Upon seeing him, she tried to gather her composure and asked, "I-I am sorry? Did I-I disturb your sleep?" She asked, trying to stop her sobbing.

"No, I just heard someone crying, so I come to check if everything is okay," EMIYA answered.

"I-I am fine, really…" she said and tried to force a weak smile.

"Look," EMIYA said and walked slowly toward her. "From what I heard from Doctor Roman, a lot of people die today from sabotage. Many friends, brothers, sisters, wives, husbands, children, and many more died in that explosion." Now, the woman's visage began to twist as she found it impossible to maintain even a meek grin. "We have all dealt with the loss of loved ones at some point… and it is okay to let it out. We are all only human — our heart isn't made out of steel." He knelt down so his face was on her eyes level and put a hand on her shoulders before giving them a soft squeeze. "It's okay to cry." [1]

The woman leaped forward and pulled him into a tight hug before breaking down into a sobbing mess in the Archer's arms.

"There, there," EMIYA comforted and gently stroked her head. He couldn't remember the last time he had helped a person on a personal level like this. It felt so… good.

"My-My husband," she cried between the hiccup. "He was at- He was-" In the end, she could not speak any longer and let her heart and eyes cried itself out.

Eventually, after a whole ten minutes, a head peaked through the kitchen door.

"I heard crying," Geronimo said. "Is everything alright?"

"Y-Yea… I am better now." It was the woman who answered in EMIYA place. She pulled herself away from him and wiped the tear from her eyes. "Thank you," she said with a smile to Archer.

"Don't mention it." EMIYA returned her smile with his own.

"Well, whatever happened, I am glad it was resolved with a positive outcome." Geronimo joined them. "Say, who are you, miss?"

"Oh, I am Missu-" She paused before bitterly closing her mouth for a second. "Miss Madelyn Fournier, the head chef of Chaldea."

"I see, it's nice to meet you Madelyn. I am Arc- Sorry, a force of habit… I am EMIYA," the Red Archer introduced.

"And I am Geronimo."

"You two are Heroic Spirits, right? You are the talk among the staff… Well, the living ones anyway," she said with an undertone of depression.

"Let's not think of the bad things for now," EMIYA reminded her. "Since you are here earlier, I assume you are here to prepare the kitchen for today, right?"

"That's correct. It's my duty as the head chef, after all. Plus, with all the things which had been happening, I couldn't really sleep." Both Heroic Spirits nodded in understanding. "Though, if you don't mind me asking…"

"We don't, I highly doubt whatever you are going to ask will hurt our feelings." Rin had done a lot worse to him.

Madelyn nodded. "Well, from what I heard, Heroic Spirits didn't need to eat so…"

"Oh that, yeah, we don't, but it helps us feel… better," EMIYA explained.

"Like a normal human being," Geronimo added.

"Well, true, but you could have put it a little better."

It was at this moment Geronimo's expression turned deadly blank. Caster slowly leaned toward EMIYA face until he was uncomfortably close to the Archer. "Try having a Master like mine and see if you will give a shit to many things." The Native American let the excruciating atmosphere wash over EMIYA for a few minutes.

'By Alaya, why does he look so… dead on the inside?' EMIYA thought.

"Umm," Madelyn broke the silence, unsure about what was going on.

Geronimo retreated his face and turned to the blonde woman, "I will go clean up the bottles." Caster left solemnly.

"W-well, I should get started. Since we can't get any supply of food anymore, vegetables have to be pickled, meats have to be salted, and a lot of food needs to be preserved," Madelyn explained.

"Mind if I help out?" EMIYA asked.

Madelyn could only respond with a look of surprise. "You know how to cook, Monsieur Emiya?"

"I used to cook a lot before becoming a Heroic Spirits." Well, he was actually a Counter Guardian, but let not get into the minor details. "I don't mind helping out; besides, you are short on staff, right?" EMIYA soon realized he shouldn't have asked that, as Madelyn became sadden again.

"Yes… every department is," Madelyn confessed.

"Right, sorry," the white-haired man apologized. "So, can you show me around a little before we got to work, Madelyn?"

With that simple question, Madelyn immediately lit up. "Of course, I will give you a tour, and please just call me Maddie."

She then gave EMIYA a short tour of the kitchen. The place was separated into four zones: a prep zone for processing raw ingredients, the 'proper' line of fire for cooks, and a regular storage area for utensils, spices, seasoning ingredients, and condiments. Most of the real food, like meats and vegetables, was in a separate cold room. As for that last small room, it was a room dedicated to making flour-based food — a mixture of a bakery and pâtisserie, if one would.

EMIYA smiled. So much for him to work with.

Wait…

"Huh," the Archer mused.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, it's just… this reminded a bit of one of the Grail War I participated in. After it was over, I stayed there for a while and became something akin to a chef. The most surprising thing was Cu survived… How did I forget that?"

Who would have thought something like the 'Emiya-sanchi no Kyō no Gohan' universe would exist — not that anyone was complaining; more of the three best girls was always better.

"Umm…" Maddie was quite lost at what the Archer was talking about at this point.

"Oh, sorry, just thinking about the past… So, about those pickles…"

Geronimo suddenly came through the door, looking a little alert. "Sorry to bother you again, but Berserker… umm, I mean Lu Bu is at the front counter, looking like he wanted something," the Native American explained.

"Wait here, please," EMIYA told Madelyn, who looked a little confused, but nodded eventually. The white-haired man bolted for the door and walked beside Caster. "What is he doing? Lu Bu I mean."

"He just folded and tapped his feet, but he is a Berserker — it shouldn't take long before the Madness Enchantment overcomes his patience." EMIYA nodded in affirmation.

They walked out of the kitchen and toward the front counter of the cafeteria. The two Servants soon came face-to-face with the Servant known to be the strongest warrior during the Three Kingdoms period. EMIYA knew he had to be careful. While this Berserker wasn't Hercules — and thus not as fearsome in terms of raw strength — he was Lu Bu, the Bastard with Three Fathers. At least Herc was held back by his bond with Illya, but this warrior in red armor was known far and wide for his treacherous nature.

EMIYA paused in front of Lu Bu, on the opposite side of the counter. Berserker just stared at him with those white pupil-less eyes, while his face remained stoic if a little aloft somewhat.

"Can I help you with something?" The Red Archer started.

"■■■" Lu Bu replied with his incomprehensible Berserker-speech.

"Sorry, but I can't really understand you," EMIYA admitted with a neutral tone, trying not to agitate the Berserker.

His attempt failed as Berserker eyebrows turned into a deep frown. "■" Berserker said again, this time also motioning his hand toward his opening mouth while arranging his finger to look like he was holding something round. "■"

EMIYA and Geronimo seemed to get what he was saying now. "You want to eat something?" Caster asked.

Lu Bu nodded. "■"

Now EMIYA finally deciphered what was the word Lu Bu was trying to say. "Bao?" EMIYA guessed, the grunt sounded very similar to that word. Lu Bu nodded vigorously, confirming the guess. "You want to eat some bao?" The Berserker nodded again.

Seeing that rejecting the Berserker could result in potential rage — and thus more damage to Chaldea — EMIYA nodded. Though he added, "No fancy filling like BBQ, though ― we are rationing, so only regular pork filling." Lu Bu grumbled, but nodded nonetheless. Archer then turned to Geronimo, "Keep an eye on him." With that, EMIYA walked back to the kitchen.

Geronimo looked around. While the light above the counter was turned on, the rest of the cafeteria remained dark. To make things more uncomfortable, the Berserker was breathing heavily. Caster leaned forward on the countertop while putting one arm on the counter.

"So, umm… I heard you are famous for your horseback riding skill." He might as well start a semi-one-sided conversation.

"■■■■― ■■■■■■ ■■――"

"I see. What breed may I ask?" Caster asked.

"■■―" Lu Bu answered.

"Wait, didn't the Ferghana breed go extinct a long time ago?"

"■■" Lu Bu made a low noise, while his face fell and eyes closed in some manner of mourning, which surprised Caster greatly. To think a Berserker would have any strong emotion besides rage remaining, and it was even a bond he once had with his animal companion. "■■■■―■■■―"

"I am sorry to hear that. I envy you a little for that. In all my life, the horses I rode were never mine. They might have let me sit on their back, but I had never seen a glint of trust in their eyes. But your Red Hare sounded like a true friend, not just a mere steed," Geronimo praised.

Lu Bu nodded with his eyes remaining closed, but, at this point, it appeared the armored warrior was now deep in thought; strange, considering he was a… well, Berserker. Perhaps it was another one of their Master strange encha-

Wait. How the hell did he manage to understand Berserker's 'speech'?


It took a while, but EMIYA came back with two plates of about a dozen steamed buns, also known as bao or baozi.

"Here we go," EMIYA said with a smile and laid down the plate.

Without a moment to waste, Lu Bu reached for the steam-fuming bao. The Warrior Without Peer took a bite without regard for the temperature of the food. Two other Servants believed he got his tongue burnt when he suddenly stopped chewing.

"You should put it down," Geronimo advised. "Do you need some wat-"

The two weren't prepared when the Berserker renewed his chewing with vigor as the continuation of that reaction. Lu Bu gave EMIYA a thumbs-up as he took another bite.

The Archer just smirked. He still got it. "Try it as well, I made enough for all of us," EMIYA said to Geronimo.

With permission granted, Caster took a bao into his hand and bit in. Soon, he too indulged in the pork-filled bun goodness. The steamed bun didn't overtake or hinder the flavorful taste of the pork, while the texture of the filling itself complemented the softness of the bun well. Before Geronimo knew it, he had finished the entire thing.

"How was it?" EMIYA asked.

"I am generally indifferent when it comes to the taste of the food — we eat to live, not live to eat. However, if it was your cooking, I would not hesitate to give a compliment every time I taste them," Caster admired.

"■" Lu Bu bellowed in agreement.

"Oh, come on now," EMIYA chuckled at their compliment.

The door to the cafeteria was suddenly slammed open. Wasn't it an automatic sliding door?

"Guys, holy shit!" Of course, their peace wouldn't last — because Gudako had come into the room. The orange-haired girl looked extremely distressed as she quickly sprinted with her short legs towards the counter. "Guys! Do you know we will be having a collaboration with Fate/Requiem?!"

"Umm… no?" Caster answered.

Apparently, that was the wrong answer as Geronimo was punched in the face and knocked out… again. Lu Bu chuckled with glee — one less competition for the rest of the bao.

"Five seconds to answer," Gudako threatened and pointed at EMIYA.

"U-Uh," Archer looked around before mustering up a random answer. "More… Servants…?"

Silence followed, occasionally interrupted with Lu Bu's chewing sound.

"Well… you're not wrong," Gudako said thoughtfully and held her chin — then the outrage returned. "B-BUT I DON'T WANT A COLLAB WITH FATE/REQUIEM!" She dashed for the door. "I DON'T WANT A COLLAB WITH FUCKING FATE/REQUIEM!" Instead of going through the door like a normal person, which she wasn't, Gudako crashed through the wall into the hallway. EMIYA could still hear her shouting as she went. "DW YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! GODDAMMIT! LEARN TO LISTEN TO FANS! MAKE FATE/PROTOTYPE COLLAB, YOU LAZY SHIT! GIVE ME MORE FUCKING QUARTZ!"

After she was out of hearing range, things returned to absolute silence — save for the sound of bao being chewed by Berserker.

"I heard crashing! What's going on?!" Madelyn ran out of the kitchen after hearing the commotion. All she saw was the unconscious Geronimo, the chewing Lu Bu, the hole in the wall, and EMIYA with a thousand-yards stare.

'Suddenly, Rin didn't feel so bad as a Master anymore,' EMIYA thought, as whatever questions Madelyn just asked went through his skull without being registered.


Gudao slowly woke up. Was that all a dream?

Ritsuka felt something shuffling under his blanket. He quickly lifted the fabric up to discover the purple-haired girl hugging him as she slept.

"Sen… pai…" Mash whispered in her sleep.

Gudao, meanwhile, had a full-body blush as he tried to calm his nerves. His rational mind told him to pry himself away, but his subconscious decided to tell him another order. She was in his bed and hugging him at her own volition, right? So… would it be wrong if he… returned the favor? Steadily and cautiously, the boy's arms stiffly moved behind Mash. With a silent motion, he returned the hug.

'So… soft.' He felt like melting in her arms — probably because it was his first time doing consensual hugging — though he would just settle for returning to sleep with his kouhai instead. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be the case.

His door was suddenly kicked open — shocking both him and Mash back into the waking world.

"What the hell!?" Gudao yelled and looked at the door. They were blinded momentarily as the light from the hallway flooded into the room. As the two regained their vision, they saw Gudako standing at the doorway.

"Now isn't the time to be sleeping! We have Saber Wars and Apocrypha-rerun to farm!" Gudako shouted as her hands extended and grabbed both her colleagues off their bed, before dragging them along the hallway in their nightwear — shorts and T-shirt for Gudao and long pajama pants and long-sleeved pajama shirt for Mash. [2]

"W-Where are we going?!" Gudao screamed as he and Mash struggled in vain.

"We have to go find Director Olga! With her money, we will have infinite rolls and we could even pay DW to make FGO and Tsukihime Collab!" Gudako said excitedly as she salivated. "Arcueid! Hakuno! Just you all wait! I shall reunite us Type/Moon's heroines here in Chaldea!"

…even though Tsukihime had multiple heroines.

Across the multiverse, two certain women suddenly felt a chill down their spine and wondered what was that about — the vampiress didn't even know she could get a shiver.


Geronimo opened his eyes with a feeling of deja vu. He stared at the ceiling, contemplating at its emptiness.

"Hey, he's awake." Someone said from beyond his view… sounded like D'Eon.

A face suddenly came into his view ― Doctor Roman. The pinkish orange-haired doctor pulled up four fingers. "How many fingers do you see?" He asked.

"Four, but it's a little… blurry," Caster answered.

"That's good, actually," Roman reassured with a smile before pulling his face away. "Please go wash your face, it will help a little."

Geronimo got up and saw all the available Servants had gathered into the room, which seemed to be the infirmary lobby if the red cross symbol and a reception counter were any indications. What really caught his attention though was a brunette beauty dressed in a red and blue short dress with a staff in her hand. It didn't take much to guess she was a Servant—he could only feel Mana coming from her, after all without even a hint of Od. The real question he had, though, was when did she was summoned? Master Gudako, who was pinned down under this woman's feet, didn't cause even a pause in his thought.

"Right, now we are all here and conscious, we can start," she said with a cheery, elegant voice before turning to Master Gudao and Mash, whom he noted were still in their sleepwear. "First, an introduction. My name is Leonardo da Vinci, Caster."

"Wha-?! But you're a woman!" Gudao asked, confused, since for his entire life he believed Leonardo da Vinci was a man.

"I was in life, but let's just say I chose a new body which represents my ideal beauty," she said with a confident smile, ignoring Stheno who said 'Pfft'. "But back to the point. As Roman might have said to you last night, we are now the last hope to save mankind from the Incineration of Humanity, but to achieve that, we must accomplish multiple tasks with utmost efficiency. However, due to circumstances, one of the two hopes of humanity…." She gestured at Gudako, whose eyes were still disturbingly open and staring at Da Vinci, "...ended up like this. So, it is up to us to find the cause and fix her up." She took out a pair of glasses and put them on before grabbing a paper off the counter.

She looked down at Gudako. "Ritsuka Fujimaru, correct?" The abomination didn't answer, merely continuing to stare. "Well, let's begin with a clarification. After doing some digging into our computer system, it turned out you and Gudao-kun are cousins."

Everyone there was surprised at that fact, especially Gudao.

"Hmm…" Gudako mused as she held her chin. "Maybe we are related through Grandmama Nobu."

"Of course!" Gudao said and smacked his own forehead. "It's Grandmama Nobu; that's why we have the same surname."

"Oh, shit, so we really are cousins!"

"Care to elaborate on that, Gudao-kun? All we see as the relating point in your family record is a woman named Nobuko Fujimaru."

""Yup, that's Grandmama Nobu!"" Both Ritsukas said in unison before clearing their throat.

""Born in Osaka with only her da',
moved around with him 'till she reached Nara.
Found out she's related to Nobunaga,
then conquer her school before laughing 'Ha!'""

Everyone blinked. Were they… singing?

Yes… yes, they were.

""Afterward was her first marriage,
though he's dead, their bond she cherished.
Then six husbands and two wives came next.
Despite she left them, no one objected.
Though long gone, her tales persisted,
for without her we would not exist.""

A short silence followed as Gudao and Gudako looked at each other in the eyes like long lost siblings, while their Servants, plus Roman and Da Vinci, looked on in mild astonishment. The silence was only broken when Cu slowly applauded them, mostly about how in sync the two are ― because let's be frank: the poem was more than a little mediocre.

"Huh, guess we really are family," Gudako said with her usual 'default' expression.

"Yeah, only the true descendants of Grandmama Nobu would know that song… and friends of the family of course," Gudao agreed.

"Family, huh?" Mash whispered to herself, averting her eyes from them.

"You remember Cousin Orki?" Gudako asked.

"Yeah, still doesn't get why everyone called him that. His real name is Okita," Gudao answered.

"I think that's what his Swedish friends called him, and it just stuck," Gudako answered.

"Alright, we got it, you two!" Roman interrupted. "So that answers why you two have the same surname, with your real name just being accidentally identical. Okay, now we can move on to something more serious." The doctor knelt beside the pinned-down Gudako. "We are going to figure out what happened to you during that Rayshifting."

"As I said, I ended up traveling through the Dimension of Salt, and they changed me — for the better," Gudako explained.

'Not for the better, no,' all Servants there thought.

Archaman sighed, "Still, we have to turn you back to normal. We can't just-"

"Now, hold on! Why would I want to go back to being normal, hmm?"

"What do you mean by that!?" Roman raised his voice. "We don't even know if this… transformation has any side effects. You can't-"

"Remember how I saved Olga?" Gudako interrupted and silenced him. "You know, she was actually supposed to die in Fuyuki. What's more, do you remember why I just told Stheno to go find a homunculus?" No one replied to her question. "See, most of my actions aren't random. It's something I knew, but shouldn't. All this knowledge can be used to our advantage against the creature responsible for the Incineration of Humanity. So, by all means, I will stick with being me, and you can stick your Magi*Mari glowing sticks up Merlin's ass." Another silence followed along with a great deal of hesitation flashed in Roman's eyes. "Still need some convincing? Alright, I gotcha'."

With a sudden immeasurable strength, the orange-haired girl broke free from underneath Da Vinci's boot. With speed most could only perceive as a blurring circle, she tied the Caster with rope and a ball gag locked over her mouth.

"MMMM! MMM!" Da Vinci could only give out muffled screams.

"Quiet, you. This is a payback for all those stuffs you have been tricking me into buying and for selling only five Summoning Tickets a month!" Gudako ordered and tightened the rope. "See, Roman? I can even fight mid-level Servants just fine," she bragged with a smirk. "Leave me be, it's what I want."

Roman sighed. It looked like he had no choice… Well, he had one, but that would likely involve a lot of injured staff and Servants, if the fact Gudako could easily best Da Vinci was anything to go by. Chaldea was already packed with the injured, it was a miracle there they just had enough rooms in the infirmary to host everyone — albeit with many still had to sleep on makeshift beds or mattresses, but it's better than lying on the hard floor or in the hallway. They could not afford any more injured.

"Fine… but please, at least let me do some check up on you from time to time. I would still like to monitor you. There's no telling what will happen with that form of yours," Romani said with concern. It was a genuine care for her, like a father towards a daughter.

Gudako, for her part, only dreaded to complete the Final Singularity, for more than difficulty reasons — she still looked forward to fucking up Barbatos, though. "That's alright, I guess," she agreed.

"Fou!" A familiar bark suddenly rang in the room.

"Fou!" Mash said happily and took Fou into her arms. "Where have you been? I couldn't find you anywhere."

"Fou," the little creature replied, before eyeing Gudako.

"Sup', OG Fou! Haven't seen you since Fuyuki!" The orange-haired girl greeted.

"Fou, fou fou!" Fou fouued.

"Wait, seriously? That's why you aren't around?"

"What did he just say?" Medusa asked quietly to her sister.

"How should I know? I can't talk to animals," Stheno replied annoyedly.

"He said the author forgot about him," the female Master answered. Though in truth, Fou was much more aware of Gudako's true condition — much more. "Sounds like an excuse for your sloppy writing."

Shut up. Everyone was weirded out with how you were talking to a non-existent entity, so shut up.

"Nuh-uh." Shut it or I will make someone spook your roll. "I am a new player, all SSR and SR spooks are welcome."

This chapter is over.


A/N: While some parts will be more like a creak-treat-seriously genre, I just want to give some moments the weight it deserves. So if that's not your thing, you can usually skip them a little and find the next comedic segment.

The chapter was supposed to end with Gudao summoning an SSR servant (Oddy) from JP server so Gudako can be extra salty that she stuck with Global Servants, but I held off since Lostbelt 5.5 is due next month, if the leak was to be believed. Who knows who Gudao will summon…

Also, holy shit, who would expect the collab this year to be with Fate/Requiem. Guess that joke in the first chapter is a lot more relevant now, huh?

Btw, stay safe people.

[1] Best mom strikes again.

[2] Let's go with it like they have accounts on both servers. Though since I don't have a JP account, Servants on JP only will be shuffled a bit… a lot.