"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Okay," said Beryl. "But you do realize, Jadeite, that you're running out of second chances. First there was the radio incident-"

"Let me stop you there," said Jed. "If I run out of second chances I'll just start using third chances. Now goodbye."

"There he goes," thought Beryl. "Like the wind."


It was Shitennou movie night, and the Shitennou were crammed on the sofa.

"What movie we watching?" asked Kunzite.

"Ah," said Nephrite. "I picked up Coco from Redbox."

"Oooh!" said Zoisite. "I heard that got really good ratings!"

"Wait," said Kunzite. "Isn't that a kiddie movie?"

"It's for all ages," explained Nephrite.

"Ah," said Kunzite. "Well, boot 'er up then."

"Wait," said Jadeite. "Where's Kenji with the snacks?"

"Ho ho ho!" called Kenji on cue.

He pranced in with a bowl in each hand.

"Ah, good boy," said Zoisite. "Dish her out."

Kenji passed a bowl to Zoisite.

"Kenji," said Zoisite. "This is not snacks. This is toast."

"Best snack there is," scoffed Kenji, digging into a bowl and eating some toast. "Needs butter," he said.

"The only thing that needs butter and is fitting for the occasion," said Kunzite. "Is popcorn. You failed, Kenji."

"D'ah," said Kenji. "You should have brought your own snacks then."

"We would have," said Nephrite. "But you said you wouldn't let us down."

"I didn't want to," admitted Kenji. "I thought you all were toast enthusiasts like me."

"No one likes toast," said Zoisite. "Nephrite should have gotten the snacks."

"No," said Nephrite. "It was my turn to get the movie, and Kenji's turn to get the snacks. It can't be my turn to get both things."

"Don't worry," said Jed. "I got us covered."

He pulled out a Twix bar from his pocket, and cut it into five pieces with his hands, throwing karate chop after karate chop.

Zoisite and Kunzite examined the snack.

"What is this?" said Kunzite. "This is no Twix. It's white."

"Racist," said Nephrite.

"Shut up, idiot," said Kunzite.

"Jadeite," said Zoisite. "What sorcery is this?"

"It's a white Twix," said Jadeite. "They're very good. Try it."

Zoisite took a nibble. "They're very good," he said.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmm," said Kunzite, rubbing his stomach. "I have a craving for more. Give me another one, Jed."

"I can't," said Jadeite. "I'm fresh out."

"NOOOOOOO!" said Kenji. "We have to get MORE! Quick, Nephrite, go to the soda machine and get some!"

"There's none in there," said Nephrite. "Only regular Twix. I didn't know any other kind existed."

"Jadeite, where did you get that delicacy?" asked Zoisite.

"Hmm," said Jadeite. "I believe it was at a 7/11."

"There are no 7/11's in Japan," said Zoisite. "Can't we hit another store?"

"No," said Jadeite. "They're a 7/11 exclusive for some reason."

"Ridiculous," said Kunzite. "Why would that be?! They're such great products!"

"Yes," agreed Jadeite. "One time I got a full bag of white Twix. Little ones. But I cannot find that product anymore. Maybe it was a Halloween exclusive."

"It can't be," said Zoisite. "It just can't be. Every other store sells white Reese's and white Kit-Kats. Why not the superior white Twix?"

"I even saw white M&M's at a CVS," said Kunzite. "But no white Twix."

"It's time," said Jadeite. "Let's go raid the 7/11 for their Twix."

"Heck yeah!" said Nephrite.

With that, they teleported to America.

Kenji quickly leapt on Kunzite's back to not be left in the dust.


The Shitennou barged into the 7/11.

"Give us your white Twix!" commanded Kunzite.

The cashier seemed to be on some kind of drug, and just nodded.

"Yeah man," he said. "Take whatever you need."

They stormed the candy aisle.

"Impossible!" said Kunzite. "Not only do they have the illustrious white Twix, but they have it in two different sizes! Whereas no other place has any!"

Kunzite grabbed the full box, and Jadeite grabbed the other full box.

They brought them to the register, and Kunzite handed the man his wallet.

"Yo, what's this?" said the man.

"Take as much as necessary," said Kunzite.

"Right on," said the man.

They left with the boxes.

"That went amazingly well," said Zoisite. "Let's go raid another 7/11."

"No," said Nephrite. "Let's just feast on white Twix."

They feasted for a while, but then decided they needed more.

They charged into the next 7/11 in a frenzy, as they were now hooked on the product.

"White Twix!" yelled Kunzite, as they sprinted through the store.

It had a slightly different layout, and they were sent deeper into a frenzy.

"Where is it?! Where is it?! Where is it?!" cried Jed.

Kenji started to get rowdy, and threw a punch at a man, and then kicked him in the chest.

He leapt on the man's body when he fell to the ground, and threw punch after punch.

"WHITE TWIX!" he barked.

The man's son, a spry teenager, got Kenji in a full nelson and lifted him off the ground.

He slammed him into the window, and the dad stood up and started throwing punches into Kenji's exposed torso.

"No!" yelled Kenji. "Boys, help me!"

Kenji threw an elbow into the teen's neck, which happened to be a pressure point, and the teen instantly died.

He locked arms with the father, and neither side was budging.

The rowdy father threw a headbutt, shattering Kenji's glasses.

"Now you've done it!" said Kenji, throwing a headbutt back as that was all he could do because their arms were locked.

Now that the man had obtained the bloodlust multiplier, he started throwing knees into Kenji's stomach, making him spit.

But Kenji clung on for dear life.

After 20 more knees, Kenji's grip loosened, and the man broke free, throwing a punch into his chest.

He started stomping on Kenji, but that's when the man dropped dead from Jadeite's hyperpunch.

"Kenji, what happened?" asked Jadeite.

"I got too rowdy," admitted Kenji, adjusting his crooked and broken glasses.

"You gotta stop doing that," said Jadeite. "We won't always be here to help you."

"We found them!" yelled Zoisite.

They came sprinting up to the counter like wild animals, and dumped both boxes of white Twix on the counter.

The cashier started slowly scanning each one, terrified, and all the Shitennou bounced up and down. Some of them were pounding on the counter.

"Can't you just scan one and press a number or something?!" said Kunzite. "Come on!"

"No," said the cashier sadly.

After ten minutes, they paid and fled.

"Good raid," said Zoisite. "But it's time for another one."

The Shitennou ran into the next 7/11 on all fours.

"What is this?!" cried the worker. "Is this a raid!?"

Kunzite growled, reassuring the man's suspicions.

Jadeite threw himself into the candy aisle, knocking several boxes of candy over.

"What the heck?!" said the cashier. "I'm gonna have to clean that up!"

"Ook!" yelled Kunzite bucking into the register and toppling it.

Zoisite threw a donkey kick, destroying the coffee machine.

"What kind of raid is this!?" yelled the man, getting a little angry.

His face was red, and he started grunting and growling.

"WHAT THE HEEEELLL?!" he yelled. "This isn't a raid, this is a jamboree!"

Nephrite opened a bottle of orange juice and poured it out on the floor.

Kunzite grabbed the white Twix in his mouth and sprinted out the door with the full box.

Kenji was holding the lever down on the Freezie machine so that it overflowed onto the floor.

"Hey!" screamed the man, veins popping. "You have to pay for those Twix!"

The other Shitennou sprinted out on all fours in a pack, leaving the 7/11 in ruins.

"We got MOOOOOORE!" cheered Jadeite.

"What a raid!" said Zoisite.

"Hey," said Kenji. "I heard there's another 7/11 three streets over!"

All the Shitennou let out howls, stashing their Twixes away and running there on all fours.

Kunzite threw himself into the door, hitting it before it could open automatically.

"Oop!" said Motoki, starting to panic. "Why are these rowdies coming into my American 7/11?"

The Shitennou sprinted in, some on fours, some doing a goofy shuffle on their hind legs.

Zoisite ran right up to the Slushies, and pushed down all the levers, jamming them on with a metal bar.

Kunzite followed suit, and grabbed the stack of cups in his mouth.

He violently swung his head, sending cups flying everywhere.

He spit out the last cup, and started pounding his chest.

"Not a raid!" cried Motoki. "NOOOO!"

"This is a raid!" howled Kenji.

Kenji picked up a carton of milk and spiked it as hard as he could across the store.

It hit an aisle, causing great damage, but the milk carton did not open.

Kenji unscrewed the cap, and threw a piledriver right onto its spine.

Motoki knew there was nothing he could do during the raid, so he just waited solemnly for it to end.

Kenji leapt over the counter, and threw a punch followed by a left-handed punch, sending Motoki into peril.

Kenji started throwing punches to Motoki's stomach in rapid procession.

"Uh uh uh uh uh uh !" yelled Motoki after each rapid punch.

Kenji balled his two fists together into one massive fist, and threw a horizontal mallet punch right across Motoki's face, causing him to spit and drop to the ground.

Finally, Motoki had enough and stood up.

"Want more, small one?" taunted Kenji, posing in a taunt-like manner.

That's when Motoki got Kenji's neck with both his hands, and started choking him to death.

He lifted Kenji off the ground despite Kenji being taller, and then threw such a powerful headbutt into Kenji's stomach that Kenji lost his breakfast, and solid pieces of toast.

Kenji started flailing, but Motoki had Kenji's neck caught in a death grip.

Kenji was about to let out his last breath of air, when a beam came in flying, sweeping Motoki away and half the store.

The beam exploded, and Motoki was gone.

So was the whole chips aisle.

"Kenji," said Zoisite. "You got lucky. You should fight men your own age instead of spry boys in their prime."

"Shut up," said Kenji. "Unless you want a piece of my fist."

"No thanks," said Zoisite.

Kunzite threw a hyperpunch, right into an aisle, destroying it.

"I found the white Twix," said Nephrite. "Some of them are unrecoverable from the chaos."

Jadeite came flying in with a grandslam, and Nephrite had to repel him.

"What are you doing?" said Nephrite. "Are you trying to destroy the white Twix?"

"No," said Jadeite. "I thought we were just raiding. I didn't know we were still collecting white Twix."

"We are," said Nephrite. "Don't act like we're just animals with no purpose. We're animals with a goal."

"Ah," said Jadeite.

He shot lightning out of his palms, finishing Crown 7/11, and they left, leaving the store in ruins.


"Attention," said a news reporter. "There has been a rowdy group of five terrorizing local 7/11's. It appears their primary objective is simply to raid and destroy, and cause as much damage as possible. We advise all persons to avoid the 7/11 chain, and if you work at a 7/11, turning all your lights off and cowering in the corner during their local raiding hours."

"Hmm," said a 7/11 manager, examining the TV closely.

That's when the Shitennou walked in casually, like regular civilians.

The man looked at the TV and gasped, when he saw that the faces in the boxes were the men that just entered.

"Egads!" he called.

He took out his phone to call the police, but suddenly someone was behind the counter.

"Who ya callin'?" asked Jadeite.

The man started shaking. "Please don't hurt me," he said.

"What do you mean?" asked Jed. "We're just regular civilians. Say, do you sell any white Twix?"

The TV now had a picture of white Twix on the screen, with an X through it.

The man quickly turned it off.

"Yes," said the man. "It's in the candy aisle."

The Shitennou gathered in the candy aisle, as the man held his phone in his hand closely.

The Shitennou giggled amongst themselves.

"He doesn't know about us!" they said.

"Is it time?" asked Kenji.

"Yes," said Kunzite.

"THIS IS A RAID!" yelled Jadeite.

"NOOOOOO!" cried the man.

He brought the phone to his head, but suddenly a full 6-pack of soda came flying his way, ripping his hand off as well as destroying the phone.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the man.

He tried to run for the door, but Kenji got in his way.

He shook his head sadly, and blocked the man's path.

The man watched in terror as they tore his 7/11 to shreds.

"Tough luck," said Zoisite to the man.

The man who studied the news story thoroughly knew that Kenji was the weakest link, and came charging at him.

That's when Kenji removed his mask, revealing Jadeite, who threw a punch right into the man's neck, destroying him.

After finishing their illegal raid, they stormed out of the store, leaving it in ruins.

"Great idea, swapping masks," said Kunzite, taking off his Zoisite mask. "They'll never be able to kill off weakest link Kenji when they don't know which one he is."

At the next, five Kenjis stormed in, chanting, "This is a raid!"

They all had torches, and started lightning things on fire.

"Look out for the firewood!" warned Nephrite, but it was too late.

The fire accelerated much faster than they planned on.

The cashier was surrounded by a full circle of flames.

He tried to run through the flames, but the only thing that came out the other end was a pile of ash.

An unlucky woman who was coming to take her shift spotted the building on fire and drove away.

"She's trying to run!" called one of the Kenjis.

They chased down her car on foot, and it was clear which one was the real Kenji because he was left in the dust.

After driving for 30 miles, the woman ran out of gas, and jumped out of her car and tried to run on foot.

She was lucky to be on a bridge, and leapt off of it.

She started swimming towards the ocean floor, when suddenly Jadeite came flying out of a hydrothermal vent and shot lightning out of his palms, giving her a painful death.

The Shitennou met back up with Kenji, who had only made it five miles by switching between jogging and sprinting.

"Woo!" said Kenji. "I'm not used to this kind of activity."

"Hey, now that we're out here, let's hit that 7/11 over there," said Zoisite.

They approached it, but the lights turned off.

They walked in anyway, and raided it.

They left.

That's when they spotted the employees halfway down the street.

Kenji spotted them first and tried to get a head start, but he was quickly left in the dust again.

The Shitennou easily rounded up and destroyed the escapees.


The Shitennou strolled around the 7/11 as though they were browsing, but really they were hunting down the white Twix.

"Where is it?!" said Nephrite quietly to the others.

"I'm glad you guys took off the Kenji masks," said Kenji. "You all made poor Kenjis compared to the real one."

"Shut up," said Jadeite. "Have you found anything?"

"No," said Kenji. "No white Twix. Maybe they stopped selling them after the incidents."

"That's impossible," said Zoisite. "It can't be."

"Hey," said Kunzite. "This is interesting."

They all gathered around, as Kunzite pointed at the label that said white Twix.

But there was no box to be found.

They slowly turned to the cashier.

The cashier took out a gun and ended his life.

But that's when an upstanding customer grabbed the gun and pointed it at the Shitennou.

"It's you guys!" he yelled. "The white Twix raiders!"

Kunzite stuck out his arm, and Kenji hid behind him.

The man fired the gun, and Jadeite held out his hand, stopping the bullet in its path.

It dropped to the floor.

The man got ready to fire another one, but Nephrite appeared suddenly and took a chomp on the gun, destroying it.

"Eyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" shrieked the man.

Nephrite threw a punch into the man's ankle, and the man died.

"RAID!" summoned Kunzite, and they all tore through the store like tissue paper.


"I can't believe it's already over," said Zoisite. "Truly, it's bittersweet."

"Don't worry," said Kunzite. "There will be more 7/11's someday. In 20 years, they'll repair the old ones, because that's how long it will take."

The Shitennou were marching to the very last 7/11 on Earth.

They passed a man on the way.

The man let out a sigh of relief when his life was spared, but they heard the sigh, and Kenji turned around and leapt at him.

They exchanged blows for 20 minutes, while the Shitennou cheered on Kenji.

Surprisingly, Kenji delivered more blows than the man could receive, and Kenji came out the victor.

"Good work," said Zoisite.

Kenji ate a white Twix to regenerate.

"They should make toast flavored Twix," he said.

"Heh," said Jadeite. "They should sell it at a place like Dollar Tree, so we can go on another series of raids."

"I think our raiding days are coming to an end," said Kunzite. "The last 120 7/11's were deserted, and if no one watches our raid in horror it's not as fun. The best part of the whole raid is seeing their helpless face as their 7/11 gets destroyed."

"My personal favorite part is spilling out the Freezies," said Kenji.

Finally they spotted the last 7/11 in the middle of the Arizona desert.

However, it wasn't unguarded.

Rather, there were 1,000 tanks, 1,000,000 armed men, and 50 aircraft that were floating in the air doing circles.

"Huh," said Nephrite.

"Stand down, 7/11 Raiders!" called a man through a megaphone. "We have the whole United Nations army on our side!"

Zoisite yawned, and Kunzite readied a beam.

"Wait," said Kenji. "We can't engage in combat, or the 7/11 might get destroyed in the crossfire."

"That's a price we're willing to take," said Kunzite.

Jadeite threw the first blow, by overpowering an aircraft and throwing it into a tank.

That's when all hell broke loose, and a wave of bullets came flying.

Kunzite put up a forcefield, and the bullets bounced off like hail on a haily day.

"Wow," said Zoisite. "I didn't know you could use the bubble in a defensive way!"

That's when Kenji charged out of the barrier.

"I'm gonna go blitz for the 7/11!" he called.

"No!" said Kunzite. "You fool!"

Kenji ran through the army, making a desperate break for the 7/11.

He got hit by 1,000,000 bullets, but kept charging on towards those double doors of victory.

He finally made it to one of the men with a machine gun, and threw a wild wild wild wild wild wild punch, knocking the gun out of the man's hand.

He was hit by 1,000,000 more bullets, and dropped so that his body landed right against the 7/11.

"What a noble man," said Nephrite.

"Wrong," said Zoisite. "There's a difference between noble and stupid."

"Alright," said Kunzite. "When I put down the bubble, we're all going to make a break for the 7/11."

"A beeline," added Jadeite.

Kunzite put down the bubble without warning, and they all charged for the 7/11.

Kunzite swung his arm, throwing a powerful energy ball like the one he threw at the cats, and their forces were scrambled.

Zoisite threw petals, lifting ten men off their feet and into space.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they screamed as they flew right up through Earth's atmosphere like an elevator.

"Where do you think they'll end up?" wondered Jadeite.

"No time for that," said Nephrite, throwing a star storm.

The army had to take shelter from his scatter shot, and leapt under tanks.

But Jadeite fired lightning, exploding the tanks.

Finally they made it to the 7/11, but 20 armed guards ran in with them.

They held up their SWAT team shields, and braced themselves.

"Take a nap!" yelled Jadeite, making a J-pose.

They took a nap, and it was a good one, in fact the last one they ever had.

"Where are the Twix?!" yelled Kunzite.

That's when they spotted the Twix, and ran for them in a frenzy as bullets came flying in all directions.

Zoisite opened a portal, and they tossed the Twix in.

50 more men ran in, but Nephrite gave them headaches by obscuring their vision.

They retreated, but each man's place was taken by 10 men.

Five tanks fired missiles in, and the Shitennou braced themselves as the 7/11 exploded in a blaze of glory.

That's when a nuke came flying, and all the Shitennou nose-dived into a portal.

The nuke wiped out every single man, and tanks went flying with the explosion wave.


The Shitennou sat in the Negalounge, that was filled knee-high with white Twix.

"Glorious," said Jadeite.

Kenji came walking in in bandages.

"Kenji, you made it!" said Nephrite.

"Yes," said Kenji. "I was revived by the white Twix I kept in my pocket. It was like a life shroom."

"Alright," said Jadeite. "Time to watch some quality programming."

Jadeite turned on Shomin Sample.

"Too many girls," said Zoisite. "Can't we watch something else?"

"Sorry," said Kunzite. "But it's what has to be. I'm not a fan either, but I guess I am."

"Ho ho ho," said Kenji. "I could go for some toast."

"Shut up," said Nephrite.

FIN