"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

That's when Jadeite's phone went off.

"Excuse me," said Jadeite, turning and facing the other way.

He pulled out his phone. "Some kind of notification…"

That's when Jadeite gasped, and sprinted out of the room.

"Hey!" said Beryl. "Do you think I was born yesterday!? A fake-out like that would never work on me! Get back here!"

Beryl punched her throne, but it caused no damage to it.

Jadeite sprinted into the computer lounge.

Approximately one second later, everyone else did too.

"Jadeite!" yelled Zoisite. "Did you-"

"YES!" yelled Jadeite.

He quickly loaded up YouTube, but suddenly Melvin started spam calling on Discord.

"It's important!" he yelled when Jadeite accidentally took one of his many calls.

Jadeite hung up on him and blocked him.

"Surely he's as excited as we are," said Jadeite.

Everyone gathered around, as Jadeite found the sacred video that was posted 1 second ago.

It included the full Mario Tennis Aces roster, data-mined and everything.

Jadeite began reading the list out loud. "Mario. Luigi. Peach."

"Get to the point!" screamed Kunzite, about to throw punches.

Zoisite put a hand on Kunzite's shoulder. "Calm down," he said. "We're all as excited as you are, but we have to build up for the excitement, in order for it to have maximum impact."

"You're right," said Kunzite. "Continue, Jadeite," he said, clenching the table with his fist.

"Right," said Jadeite. "Wario. Waluigi. Daisy. Yoshi. Donkey Kong. Bowser. Junior. Rosalina. Toad. Toadette. Boo. Chain Chomp. Spike."

But everyone already knew these; for these characters had been confirmed long ago in a screenshot from a Canadian advertisement.

But that's when Jadeite got into uncharted territory, and began reading the new characters.

"Koopa. Diddy Kong."

A "whoop" escaped Zoisite's mouth. He had genuine tears in his eyes.

Although Diddy Kong, Birdo, and Parakoopa emblems were seen on a Japanese website on a bag you get for preordering, they had never been 100% confirmed.

What was occurring before their eyes was no less than a miracle. It was extremely rare to see Birdo and Diddy Kong as playable characters in games these days, nonetheless together. Parakoopa in fact has not appeared as a playable character since Mario Kart Double Dash, despite the fact he was playable in Mario Power Tennis, and Mario Tennis 64.

Jadeite kept reading as his hands started to shake uncontrollably. "Birdo."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Kunzite. "I love traps!"

"Hehe," said Zoisite.

"Calm down," said Nephrite. "These were all pretty much confirmed. Is there anything else on the list, Jadeite?"

"Yes," said Jadeite, in a strained tone. "Let me keep reading. Parakoopa."

Everyone nodded.

"Shy Guy."

That's when the entire Negaverse shook from one extremely loud and synchronized scream.

Shy Guy and Dry Bones were spoiled to possibly be characters when screenshots of them holding rackets were seen, but they could have easily just been a story mode enemy.

That's when everyone really started to get shooken, when Jadeite started listing characters that in a million trillion years would have never possibly been suspected.

"Dry Bowser," he said.

"What the hell?!" said Nephrite with glee. "This is impossible!"

"It gets even wackier," said Jadeite. "Hold on to your horses. If my eyes are still functioning correctly and I'm not in some kind of trance, it appears that even young Kamek is playable. And Boom-Boom."

Suddenly Jadeite drove his fist through the computer screen, because he was so ecstatic he lost complete control of his muscles.

"WHO WAS THE LAST NAME?!" yelled Nephrite, yanking out his hair.

"It was," said Jadeite with the biggest grin ever seen in the world. "It was…"

Suddenly Jadeite had a heart attack and hit the floor.

"NO!" yelled Zoisite.

Kunzite took out the Jaws of Life. "We need to bring him back!" he screamed. "Even if it's only for a second!"

He gave Jadeite a controlled shock, and Jadeite was brought back to the living realm for a split second.

"Bloo-" he began to squeeze out.

"BLUE!?" yelled Nephrite. "Blue Toad?! Blue Yoshi?!"

"…-per..." coughed Jadeite with his last breath.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" yelled the Shitennou.

They started doing leap frog in an insane display of emotion, and Nephrite and Kunzite started throwing punches as strong as they could.

They didn't calm down for 30 minutes, but finally they ran out of breath.

"What a world," said Zoisite, panting. "Blooper. I can't believe it."

"God bless this wonderful world," said Nephrite earnestly.

"This must be a dream," said Kunzite. "It's just not possible. Ever since the announcement of the game at E3, we have all been praying every day to our giant Diddy Kong statue, and then once again at night to our Diddy Kong Amiibos, that Diddy Kong would make it in. We all promised that just him would be enough, and that we shouldn't shoot our sights too high. After his absence in Mario Kart 8, we thought the chances would be slim, but we held on to the hope, due to the fact he was one of the ONLY characters in the last atrocity Mario Tennis, Ultra Trash. But then they announced that Diddy Kong was confirmed, and even Birdo and Parakoopa! And we couldn't have been happier. We said all that would be needed to make an absolutely 100% perfect roster would be Shy Guy, a recurring character in the Mario Tennis series who had started to become absent even though he was the main attraction in Mario Power Tennis, but we simply did not expect so many miracles to happen with how Nintendo has been treating rosters lately. Could you believe that Waluigi did not appear in Mario Kart 7? What a world. What dark times they were. But now we've reached a light, and that light's name is Blooper. The character we all would have wanted, but we never would have asked for knowing how incredibly inconceivable the chances were. He's only been playable twice in all of Mario history, once during the best era of Mario rosters, in Mario Party 8, and once again in Mario baseball, but that hardly counts, since there were lots of characters no one wanted that were just filler slots. Pianta for example."

"I mained in Pianta," said Nephrite.

"You can't main someone in a team of nine, you fool," said Kunzite.

"I had multiple Piantas on my team, and put them in all the most important positions," argued Nephrite.

"Boys," said Zoisite. "Please. This is a time of celebration. All our expectations have been matched and exceeded by 200%. I call for a party. A fiesta, if you will. Or maybe that's not the right word? What's the word I'm thinking of here?"

"JAMBOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!" screamed Jadeite, springing to life. "Let's celebrate with a jamboree. Come to my dark space at now o'clock!"

Jadeite sprinted away.

"Should we bring anything?!" yelled Zoisite.

"No," said Jadeite. "I got it covered."

They walked into Jadeite's dark space a moment later, but there was already a party set up, with snacks and everything.

Jadeite had a party hat on, and was throwing confetti in the air.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" he yelled.

He had giant balloons for each of the confirmed characters' emblems, and he was dancing around like a Wildman to Mario Power Tennis OST.

Somehow, even though the party was just set up, there were already guests.

"EEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Melvin, running up to Nephrite and throwing a punch.

Nephrite would have been mad on any other day, but he was in such a jolly mood that he lowered his defenses so the punch actually landed.

"Oooof!" said Nephrite. "YEAH!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" yelled Melvin, running with his arms in the air. "YEEEHAW!"

"Melvin," said Jadeite. "Why are you covered in bruises?"

"I punched myself with a punching machine 300 times when I heard the news," said Melvin. "It's been so long since Nintendo came out with a truly good roster. No Pink Gold Peach, no clones. Just a wholesome roster. I couldn't ask for any more. I can finally die a happy man."

Suddenly Motoki came backflipping over.

"Zoisite my friend!" screamed Motoki. "Hit me with a beam!"

"Ah," said Zoisite. "I suppose you are a videogame enthusiast, since you run an arcade."

"Enough chit-chat!" screamed Motoki. "Throw the beam!"

Zoisite complied gladly, and Motoki went flying with the beam.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" he screamed as he faded away. "Blooper!"

Motoki was gone.

"Guys!" said Kenji. "I was so happy about the news I killed Shingle!"

Kenji took a sip of punch.

"Best punch I've ever had," he said.

"Did someone say punch?!" said Grandpa, throwing a leaping kick into Kenji Tsukino's spine.

"Hey," said Kenji. "I said punch, not kick."

"Ah," said Grandpa. "But what is a kick, if not a punch with your foot?"

Diana was doing laps in the punch bowl.

"WHOOPEE!" she squeaked.

"Hey, get that rat out of the punch bowl!" said Kunzite. "This is a party, but not a free-for-all! Don't turn into animals!"

"No," said Jadeite. "Just let her be. It's a day of celebration."

"Grrr," said Kunzite. "People were going to drink from that."

That's when Diana got a cramp in her tiny leg.

"I'm going under!" she screamed, but no one could make out the words as they were drowned out by gurgles.

Diana went under, and did not surface.

"RIP," said Nephrite and Zoisite, watching the spectacle.

Gamer Joe went to grab some punch. "Hey," he said. "There's a dead rat in this punch."

"You're a dead rat," said Nephrite.

He threw a punch at Gamer Joe, ending his life, and then threw him in the punch bowl although he did not fit.

That's when a nude woman, none other than the teacher Haruna-sensei, came sprinting in.

"Get her out of here!" said Zoisite. "Eeewwww!"

Haruna had nothing on except for a Blooper emblem she painted on her chest.

After doing 40 laps, she sprinted out the way she came in.

"Girls are rowdy creatures," said Kunzite.

"Hey!" said Motoki's sister, who was also fully nude, but with a Dry Bowser emblem.

"What is this?!" said Zoisite. "Have all females gone mad?!"

As the chaos got increased, Nephrite sat down on a party chair.

He opened up a bottle of fancy wine that he had been saving for a special event.

He kept it around since the Silver Millennium, but he saw no better occasion than the revival of good rosters for Nintendo.

He popped it open. "Oh boy!" he said, starting to guzzle it like a madman.

The party raged on, and the boys got more rowdy as the night went on.

Three hours in, Kenji somehow wrangled some tennis rackets, and they started playing indoor tennis.

Kenji and Zoisite versed Jadeite and Melvin.

Nephrite had passed out long ago, and was laying on the floor, and Kunzite had somehow turned his cape into an emblem, and was flaunting it around the room.

Grandpa, meanwhile, got the Mario Tennis Aces roster tattooed on his big bulbous head.

After 5 hours, everyone had gone to the unconscious realm.

The tennis game had ended when punches began to be thrown instead of the ball, and Melvin had a broken racket around his neck like someone hit him over the head with it and kept pushing until it became a necklace.

Taiki's forehead appeared sometime around 4 in the morning, but the party was too rowdy so he left.


Ten hours later, Jadeite woke up with a hangover.

"How'd this hangover happen?" wondered Jadeite.

He slowly stood up, and his head was ringing.

He looked around to see his dark space had turned into some kind of warzone, with garbage everywhere and bodies as well.

"What happened last night?" asked Jadeite aloud.

He did his morning routine, and while he was brushing his teeth, he remembered the great news.

"That news is amazing!" he shouted. "It almost seems unreal, like it was all a dream!"

He arrived at the Nega computer lounge, and decided to check the Wikipedia for the game to see if they updated the confirmed character list.

But that's when he did a double take.

"No," he said. "No. It can't be."

Jadeite blinked 30 times, and rubbed his eyes until they were sore.

"Huh?!" he said. "HUH!?"

"GUUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYSSSS!" he yelled, sprinting into his dark space.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?" said Zoisite. "Leave us alone."

Him and Nephrite were cuddled on the floor, and Kunzite was in a Blooper costume that he somehow obtained.

"Guys," said Jadeite very slowly. "Why did we have a party last night?"

"Ah, of course," said Melvin, still with his racket hat. "It was because Nintendo finally came out with a good roster!"

"Hmm," said Jadeite. "Then why, when I check the confirmed characters on ten websites, it says that Diddy Kong is NOT in the game, and in fact there's only 8 characters, six of which are clones!"

"You're pulling my leg," said Kunzite. "It's not funny."

"No," said Jadeite. "This is what ten websites say. There's no evidence on the internet of Diddy and the others ever being confirmed."

"What is the roster then?!" said Zoisite, starting to get shook.

Jadeite read it solemnly. "Mario," he began. "Metal Mario."

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Nephrite, knowing where this was headed.

"Pink Gold Peach. Green Copper Peach. Purple Hologram Peach. Baby Rosalina. Gold Mario. Pink Gold Mario. Oh, and I didn't see this one here. For some stupid reason, Plessy the giant Loch Ness creature from Mario 3D Land."

Jadeite shook his head. "Wow," he said, reading the list again. "Why do they always pick obscure giant characters no one asked for? First Queen Bee, and now Plessy."

"That can't be right," said Melvin. "That's all CLONES! And some of the characters that they have clones of don't even appear, like Peach and Rosalina! What is this?! What!? Is?! This?!"

Motoki's sister jumped into the void.

"Wait!" said Grandpa. "Then what the hell did I get tattooed to my big bulbous head?"

He took out a mirror, and it was still the roster they had thought the game had. Blooper and everything.

"Then why did I tattoo a roster that didn't exist?!"

"Did we… did we all have some kind of joint dream that there was a good roster?" asked Jadeite.

"A joint dream…?" said Zoisite. "That's not possible. How did all of us imagine there was a good roster, and the same good roster to boot? And if we were sleeping, how did Grandpa have time to get that tattoo? Why would you set up this whole party if it was not true, and it was just a dream?!"

"I don't know," said Jadeite. "But I don't like this."


Jadeite and the whole crowd of partygoers reported to Beryl's throne room.

"What is this?" said Beryl. "Some kind of jamboree?"

"It was," said Jadeite. "But it is not anymore, and in fact now it's a sorrowful jamboree."

Beryl shrugged. "Still a jamboree."

"Beryl," said Jadeite. "Why did I run out of your throne room yesterday?"

"I don't know," said Beryl. "You got some text or something and then you just fled. It's kind of disrespectful, but I frankly don't want to take on that big pack you're with right now. So I'll let you off the hook for now."

Jadeite checked his phone for the notification he got, but there were none.

"Huh?!" said Jadeite. "HUH?!" he said again, with nothing else to say. "What the heeeeeeeeck?!"

"So the party happened," concluded Nephrite. "As I remember drinking my wine bottle in this so-called dream, and now it is in fact no more. And Jadeite's room still shows signs of a party. And Kunzite's still wearing a Blooper costume. So something definitely happened. And Blooper seems to be tied into it."

"Wait," said Zoisite. "Where did you get that Blooper costume? Seems fishy to me that you acquired it on such short notice."

"Hmmmm," said Kunzite. "I couldn't tell you. Try checking the bank account for when I purchased it."

Zoisite checked their bank account via a mobile app, but there were no purchases of Blooper costumes at all.

"Hmmmmm," said Kunzite. "Did I spawn this out of thin air?"

"This all seems surreal," said Jadeite. "Not possible. Where did Kunzite get that costume?! WHY did Kunzite get that costume!? Why did we all have the joint conclusion about 26 of the same characters!? All of us! Even people with no powers that have no relationship to our kingdom! WHAT. IS. THIIIIS?!"


They stormed into the Nega computer lounge.

They did many many searches, some just with the full list of characters, and some with various searches such as Diddy for Tennis Aces, or Blooper for Tennis.

"I told you," said Jadeite. "There's no evidence on the internet that that roster ever existed. I checked for it this morning!"

"Wait!" said Melvin. "I found something. It's a Fantendo page, for a game called Mario Tennis Stars! 20 of the characters match, but there's another 40 that don't. And there's no Blooper."

"Then that doesn't prove anything!" said Jadeite. "Most of the characters in this make-believe roster you found are good characters that anyone would want. I could have sworn there was a trailer that's been out for months that showed Chain Chomp, but apparently no one ever considered having a Chain Chomp in tennis at all! Huh."

"Is this it?" said Zoisite. "Is it just some freak phenomenon that there's no explanation for?"

"No," said Kunzite. "I won't believe it. Everything has an explanation."

But Melvin had already given up. He held his head low, and left the room, mumbling, "I should have known that it was too good to be true."

"We will get to the bottom of this," promised Jadeite.

FIN