When I arrived at the club where the concert was I was running a bit late and the band was already on stage. The house was packed and the only table I could find empty was down near the stage. When I got seated and had ordered a drink they were doing a cover of Just When I Needed You Most. The lead singer was very good. When I got a good look at his face I realized it was my redheaded neighbor Kevin. I didn't know he had any musical ability. He was really good and when he noticed me he gave me a slight smile and a wave.

The next song was Lobo's I'd Love You to Want Me. His emerald eyes seemed to be looking at me which I knew was an impossibility. Even though he was singing in a gay club I knew he had to be straight. His latest girlfriend must be in the crowd and he was singing to her, but it felt as if he was singing to me.

Just as the band was starting the third song an old friend from university stopped by my table to say hello. "Eddward is that you?"

"Yes, Leo, it's me. I do get out once in a while." I stood up and gave Leo a friendly hug and asked him to sit and visit a little while. He promptly sat in the chair next to me. We had met during my first year at Peach Creek University we shared a few classes and did some studying together. He was a tall blonde with blue eyes and a nose that looked smashed. He was handsome to some I'm sure. Just not what I thought was handsome.

"Well Eddward, how do you like our little hometown band. The lead singer is a hottie but he is a snob. I gave him my number and told him to call but he never did. The next time I saw him I asked him why he didn't call and he said he lost my number. How rude!"

"I happen to know he is straight Leo."

"You don't know what you are talking about Eddward, my gaydar is never wrong. He can be had even if he deludes himself into thinking he is straight. He should be honored that I offered him all this fabulousness."

"We grew up in the same neighborhood Leo and since middle school, he dated the same girl. He did tell me a while back that they had broken up and that he was in love with someone else."

"Well enough about that loser, what have you been up to since break started Eddward?"

"Oh, nothing much, just working and sleeping."

While I was enjoying talking with an old friend, I was wanting to listen to the music as well. I rather enjoyed the oldies that Kevin and his group was preforming and wanted to hear more, especially the songs that seemed as if the redhead was singing to me even though I knew he wasn't.

Every now and then Leo would dash off to talk to this one or that one and I would have a few moments to enjoy the music. I would even get to watch the expression on Kevin's face as he sang. When he would look my way and smile my heart would flutter. Oh if only someone like him would be interested in me. I guess it doesn't hurt to dream on occasion as long as one keeps their feet firmly on the ground.

Every time Leo would return it seemed as if he moved his chair closer to mine. Then when he lay his hand on my knee I almost jumped out of my chair. Just as I stood up to dislodge his hand a waiter came over with a drink on a tray and sat it before me. "I didn't order a drink."

"I know honey, a cutie sent it over to you. He said for the moment he wished to be anonymous."

I slowly looked around the bar but no one seemed to be looking my way. Who would send me a drink? I sure hoped he would not be all hands like Leo I looked at the drink, it was a lovely shade of blue.

Leo laughed and said, "That's a sex on the beach, somebody is trying to send you a message, Then he grabbed up the drink and drank it all down. I just sat there stunned by the audacity of Leo's actions. When he finished the drink he smiled and said, "There that should let him know that you are mine tonight."

"But I am not your's Leo. I'm not anybody's."

"C'mon Edd you still trying to play the innocent virgin? You gotta give it up sometime."

"I've told you before Leo I am just not interested in that. I find the swapping of bodily fluids unsanitary and would rather not."

He started trailing a finger up the side of my leg. In a way, it was causing unpure thoughts in my mind but I still didn't want to do any of that with him. For years I had been trying to convince myself I was asexual and it mostly worked until I had one of my dreams of my gorgeous redheaded neighbor

ravishing me. In my dreams, we did all kinds of sexual things and I had no problem with any of it. I even used words that I was usually offended by to tell him what I wanted. But after all, that was just dreams that would never come true. At that moment Leo started to move his hand towards a certain private area I lept up and made a mad dash toward the restroom. As I scurried away I said, "excuse me, Leo, I really must go to the restroom."

When I pushed the door open I stopped short there were people in there engaged in sexual activity. I backed out the door mumbling "excuse me". I could feel my face turning beet red and I turned into the nearby wall and started to feel a panic attack coming on. I had thought I had long been past having panic attacks in public but with Leo touching me unwantedly and now all that I had seen when I opened the restroom door I was near to losing it. I felt a hand on my shoulder I flenched, "No don't touch me, Leo."

"Calm down Dork, it's not Leo, whoever that is."

I knew that voice and thought 'oh no, now Kevin will have something else to make fun of me with. He didn't say anything else just rubbed his hand back and forth across my back. Finally, he said, "What's the matter Edd?" In a way, it shocked me that he remembered my name. He had called me "dork" for so many years. "I... I... I really need to use the restroom Kevin, but I can't go in there with all that going on." I turned and looked at him ashamedly and muttered that I must go find a clean restroom. He guided me to a door a little further down the corridor.

"Where are you taking me?"

"You can use the restroom in the dressing room Double Dee. I'll even guard the door so no one can come in on you. Just relax you are going to be alright." He then opened a door and pushed me inside and then closed the door behind me.

I found myself in a small bathroom with just a sink and a toilet. I hurriedly used the facilities. Then as I was washing my hands I studied myself in the mirror. Why had I panicked when Leo was trying to touch me was it because I didn't like people touching me there? Was I still squeamish about people touching me in my most private spot? Why then when Kevin touched me I felt comforted and wanted him to touch me all over.

I slowly made my way out of the restroom. Even though I could hear the band playing on stage Kevin was still standing there against the wall next to the door. I walked over and leaned against the wall next to Kevin and placed my hands in my pockets. "Shouldn't you be on stage?"

"I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm doing ok, it was just a bit of anxiety. I think I'm going to be ok. You know I never was much for crowded rooms and it felt like the world was closing in on me." Kevin looked sideways at me and grinned. He turned towards me and poked me in the chest the slid his finger up to my chin. He then swiftly pulled his hand away as if he had been burned.

"Is that your boyfriend?"

"No, Leo is just a friend from college."

"Do you want him to be?"

"No, I haven't had a boyfriend since Nigel. Leo is more of a one-night stand person. I sure don't want to be just another notch on his bedpost."

"Was the break up with Nigel so bad that it made you not want another boyfriend?"

"No it just made me realize that I only wanted to be with someone else and that person wasn't ever going to be with me. So until I find someone that comes up to my standards I will wait until I do."

"How do you know that that certain person wasn't ever going to be with you, did you tell him and he shot you down?"

"No..." I couldn't tell Kevin that it was him that was my ideal man. "No, I never mentioned it to him I just know that he would never be interested in me. He was all about the ladies and would have been disgusted with me even mentioning that I was interested in him."

"You never know Dork, you should have at least tried. Well, I gotta get back on stage, you gonna stay for the rest of the show?"

"Yes, I was really surprised by your talent Kevin. You are really good."

"Thanks, Dork, I... ugh... gotta go, enjoy the rest of the show." and he was gone. I looked up to see that Leo had just entered the door leading back into the main area of the club. "Oh, there you are Eddward I was getting worried about you."

"I had to find a restroom. The other one was full so I found this one. I was just on my way back to the table."

"Let's blow this joint and go get something to eat. This group isn't near as good as I was told they were. They do nothing but oldies, ugh. They should get some up-to-date music."

"I enjoy the music they're doing and want to listen a bit more."

We sat for a while and listened to more songs then Leo and a couple of his friends invited me to go get something to eat with them, and I stood up to go just as Kevin started a song by Chicago.

If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me
Uh uh uh uh no baby please don't go
And if you leave me now, you'll take away the very heart of me
Uh uh uh uh no baby please don't go
Uh uh uh uh girl I just want you to stay

I smiled as I pretended that he was singing to me. I waved and hurried out of the club with the group to go get some food I really was a bit hungry. As I was walking out the door I looked back at the stage and saw a sad look on the redheads face. Then the door swung shut behind me and I walked over to my car. When I reached for the door handle I saw a bouquet of flowers tied there with a note with a phone number and the words call me.

I looked around but didn't see anyone so I tossed the flowers into the car and got in. The other guys got in and I drove us to the nearby eatery. It was just a small diner that looked like it had been there forever.

The whole time we were eating Leo's friends kept up a running conversation. I just let them talk and ate my meal. I wasn't really interested in their gossip. They were totally engrossed in knocking everyone that wasn't interested in them. It seemed as if they thought that the world revolved around them for their pleasure. Finally, after we finished eating and I had dropped them off at another gay bar I decided to just go home. It was too late to go back and listen to the music and I was tired of having to keep pushing Leo's hands away.

The next morning when I got up there was something tugging at the back of my mind. Something I needed to do but could not for the life of me remember just what it was. I took my usual morning shower and dressed for the day. Because I wasn't expecting anyone over I threw my hat into the washing machine along with a load of colored clothes. I smiled at myself as I passed the mirror hanging on the wall next to the door to the laundry room. For years I had refused to let anyone see my messy head of hair. Only since I had started attending college and met my roommate Leo and let him tame that tangled mass of curls did I feel confident enough to actually leave it off when I was home alone.

All morning long I kept thinking that there was something I needed to look at. I went around the house doing my usual chores and making sure that everything was clean and tidy. It was while I was in my room watering my cactus Jim that I glanced out of the window at the Barr house across the street. I could see Kevin moving some stuff between a trailer parked in his driveway and the garage door which was opened at the time. Inside I could see that motorcycle of his parked. It sparkled in the sunlight and I remembered how he had spent so much time when he was younger cleaning and repairing first his bicycle and then that Harley Davidson. I remembered the day he had found it at the junkyard and drug it home. He had spent so much time restoring it and bringing it back to life. Yes, I will admit I had spent much of my teenage years watching that boy grow from and young bully into the very handsome man that he had become.

At that moment I noticed a car pull up in front of Kevin's home and a tall overly endowed blonde got out and ran across the grass to the handsome redhead. Before he could set the box down she had her arms wrapped around him and her mouth was kissing him. What was her name? Brenda, Bambi, oh yeah Belinda. Belinda the bimbo is what most of the girls called her behind her back. I turned away from the window sadly for the fact that my friend had slipped so far down on his standards. That girl had slept with most of the male population of the high school. She'd even been with Eddy and Ed. She had only looked at me with disdain in her eyes. Even after I had been dating Nigel I heard her tell Eddy that she could make me straight if she wanted to but that she made of a rule of never dating nerds. Which was fine with me.

I looked out of the window at the couple again and could see that she was all but undressing Kevin in the front yard. Which wouldn't have been all that hard because he was only wearing a pair of jogging shorts and his trainers. Suddenly my enjoyment of looking out the window at the lovely day had evaporated. What is wrong with me? I knew I wasn't jealous of Kevin kissing her. Why should I be?

But now my day was suddenly bleak. I had been thinking since I had spied him out the window that I would go over and tell him how much I had enjoyed the music last night and think him for being so kind as to help me find a restroom. But, now that she had shown up there would be no use of my going over. I turned from the window and finished watering Jim and that is when I remembered the flowers from last night and the phone number attached.

I went downstairs and out the door to my car parked in my driveway. I opened the door expecting to see the flowers but no matter where I looked the weren't there. Oh, well I guess I'll never know what was on that card. I did at a later date find out what was on the card and what had happened to the flowers. When Leo had gotten into the car he had sat upon the bouquet and smashed the flowers. He said that when we got to the restaurant he tossed them away figuring that I would not want crushed flowers. As for the card he swore that he never saw a card.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. When I slammed the door and turned back towards my home I heard a whistle from across the street. I looked to see who had made the sound and saw Kevin waving at me. Belinda was standing next to the redhead frowning. Her frown got even deeper when he came running across the street. He slid to a halt in front of me and asked, "How'd you like the show last night?"

"Oh, Hi, Kevin, I was just thinking about coming over and telling you how much I enjoyed your singing last night, but I saw you had company and didn't want to interrupt."

The redhead looked at the frowning girl across the street and the smirked at me. "You could have come over anyway, she ain't nothing to me."

"You do have company Kevin and I have things to do so I will talk to you at another time."

"How about joining me for some pizza tonight?"

"I'm sorry Kevin, but I have to work tonight. So I will talk to you later. As I turned around I heard the jock sigh. It was a quiet sound and sounded a bit sad. When I looked back he had headed back to his own home and was saying something to the girl across the street. Then I saw them both go into the Barr residence and shut the door. And thus ended my pretense of him singing to me. I felt sad and alone at the moment.

Later that afternoon when I was going out to my car to head into town to do some errands before work I saw Belinda came out of the Barr house and walk towards her car. As she was getting into her car she noticed me and stared for a moment then reached into her purse and then tossed it into her car. She then closed her door and headed across the street where I was standing rinsing my car off. She walked up to me and said, "Hello Nerd! You're usually beneath my radar and I don't waste my time talking to fags. But since you are the first person I see and I just have to tell someone. Kevin just proposed to me. See the ring he gave me." She waved a small diamond ring under my nose. "It's small but he said that as soon as he goes Pro he will buy me a larger one."

"That's nice," I replied.

"Another reason I wanted to tell you is that over the years I've seen the way you look at my boyfriend and I want you to know that he is mine now and for you to keep your eyes off of him." Then she turned and flounced back to her car. I had heard that word but never had I saw anyone actually flounce. As I watched her cross the street I felt my mood go even deeper into that dark realm. I hadn't been bothered by depression in years but here it was. I thought maybe if I went and took care of my errands I would feel better soon. No matter how I tried to distract myself I just could not pull myself out of that slump. Finally, after finishing my errands I called in and got the manager to get one of the other clerks to fill my shift promising to make it up to them.

It had gotten dark by the time I reached the cul-de-sac and when I turned into our street I noticed that Kevin's truck was gone. I didn't want anyone to know I was home I pulled my car into the garage and went into the house. Without turning on any lights I made my way up to my room and fell onto the bed. I lay there for a while feeling my mood drop deeper and deeper into that pool of despair. Without getting undressed I reached over and pulled the bedspread over me and cried myself to sleep. I couldn't understand why I was feeling this way, for years I had known that Kevin was off-limits sexually but I would have enjoyed getting to know the adult Kevin and being friends with him.

Sometime during the night, the doorbell woke my up. I figured it was either someone had come to the wrong house or Ed or Eddy had discovered that I wasn't at work and come by to visit. I wasn't in the mood for company so I just ignored the bell hoping that whoever it was would just go away. Whoever was at the door started pounding upon it. I ignored that as well hoping that they would soon give up and go away. In the morning if it was one of the Eds I would apologize for not answering the door but at the moment I just couldn't be bothered.

Just as I was about the drift off to sleep, the pounding had stopped sometime earlier, I heard a tapping on my bedroom window. I sat straight up in my bed and looked at the window perplexed. My bedroom is on the second floor of my home and there was no way that anyone could be tapping on my window. I could tell that it wasn't pebbles being thrown at the glass. It was someone tapping on my window with a ring.