"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

That's when Nephrite appeared in a flash. "Don't tell her about the raid!" yelled Nephrite.

"Why would I?" said Jadeite.

"What raid?" demanded Beryl.

Jadeite had no choice but to fire lightning out of his palms.

"She knows too much!" he yelled.

However, it had no effect.

"What raid?" repeated Beryl.

"The panty raid," said Nephrite. "It doesn't seem up your alley, so we didn't invite you."

"Honestly, how childish can you get?" said Beryl. "A panty raid? What's next, a hopscotch tournament?"

"No," said Jed. "That's next Tuesday."

That's when suddenly Beryl lost her cool, and shot an eternal sleep attack.

Nephrite decided it was all or nothing, and leapt in the way.

"RAAAAHHHH!" he yelled, putting up his arms and fighting the attack.

It was a heated battle, but that's when Jadeite ran up and dropkicked Beryl, right off her throne.

Beryl tried to crawl away, but that was her biggest mistake as her spine was exposed.

Jadeite threw a piledriver on her spine, putting her to rest.

Meanwhile, Nephrite was still fighting the attack.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAA!" he yelled, powering up to 100%.

Jadeite waited patiently, and Nephrite dueled it for a long time.

Finally Nephrite couldn't take anymore, and leapt out of the way.

The attack kept going, and hit Zoisite who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Zoisite was sealed forever in a block of ice.

"Oooooooh," said Jadeite sadly. "What a shame."

"Alright," said Nephrite. "It's time. That beam fight lasted all the way till the planned time."

"Ooh!" said Jadeite. "Who are we going to take as our third member?"

"I don't know," said Nephrite. "Let's go hit the soda machine first though, maybe we'll come up with an idea."

Jed and Neph arrived at the soda machine.

"It's not that great," said Jadeite.

"Shut up," said Nephrite.

Nephrite began hitting a long pattern of buttons on the soda machine, that was a very specific pattern.

"This is how you get the goods," said Nephrite. "Be grateful. Most mortals don't know about this."

"No mortal," said Jadeite.

That's when a second keypad appeared out of the back of the machine, and Nephrite started pressing buttons on there.

After a 26 digit password, the soda machine opened up a hidden menu.

"WOAH!" said Jadeite. "I was wrong about this boy."

Nephrite typed in one more password, and the true menu came up.

"Wow," said Jed.

"That's not all," said Nephrite. "This menu's just a red herring. If you close the menu and open it four times, the blue menu comes up, which has better items."

"Wow," said Jed, as Nephrite started over from scratch.

Ten minutes later Nephrite got the special order blue menu, and put in a 100 dollar bill.

The machine dispensed the Golden Coke.

"Good work," said Jadeite. "What a technologically advanced soda machine."

"Thanks," said Nephrite. "I didn't design it. Its origins are unknown."

"Alright," said Jed. "I'll just take a regular Pepsi."

"Suit yourself," said Nephrite.

Jadeite took a sip. "Yuck," he said. "I hate soda."

He threw his can in the air and blasted it to bits.

Soda rained down from the skies for a short period of time.

"Watch it," warned Nephrite.

"Say," said Jed. "Who's our third member?"

"Hmmmmmm," said Nephrite. "We could take Evil Endymion, or Kenji. That seems right up that perverted Kenji's alley."

"I guess so," said Jadeite. "I don't know, he's not too hip anymore."

"Yes," said Nephrite. "But he probably wants to relive his youth."

They found Kenji in the Negalounge, and invited him for the raid.

"No can do," said Kenji. "I'm taking my son Shingle to go to an American baseball game!"

"Wow, that's nice," said Jadeite.

"Don't be fooled," said Kenji. "I'm going to trick Shingy to try to streak across the field, and then the guards will surely kill him. What a shameful death, ho ho ho!"

"Wow," said Jadeite. "Cruel man. Heartless."

"Thanks," said Kenji. "That's why I'm in the Negaverse!"


Nephrite and Jadeite had no choice but to jump young Melvin in his gamer studio.

"Melvin," said Jadeite. "It's time to go on a panty raid."

"No," said Melvin. "I don't like 3D girls, only 2D girls."

"Shut up, nerd," said Nephrite. "Come on, now. It's time to become a man."

"I would," said Melvin. "But sadly I'm stuck in a Toontown CEO fighting a 3v1 against the greeners. I've used 20 unites and I won't go down now."

"Wait," said Jadeite. "I thought that's a game where you work together?"

"Not the way I play it," said Melvin. "The real opponent in Toontown is other players, specifically the soundless."

"Criminals," said Jadeite. "If you run into one IRL, let me know. I will slay them."

"Good," said Melvin. "Now get out of my room before my mom comes in."

Jadeite and Nephrite left.

Melvin went back to typing on his keyboard rapidly.

"Darn greeners," he said. "Ruining the game for everyone! REPORTED!"

"Haha," said one of the greens.

"Shut up," said Melvin. "What are the odds I'd get on a side with THREE greeners?! I will get through this CEO if it's the last thing I do!"


"What do we do now?" asked Jed. "Time to ask Grandpa?"

"No," said Nephrite. "We went over this last time. He's too rowdy. He'll lose control. One minute he'll be holding a pair of underwear, the next minute he'll be leaping in someone's bed. And I don't want to tell you what happens next. I'll leave it to your imagination. But there's a reason Grandpa has been to jail 100+ times, and served three life sentences."

"Sad," said Jadeite. "Then who's left?"


Motoki was walking home from his job at Crown Arcade.

"Ahhhh," said Motoki.

But he said nothing else.

Suddenly a ring of fire appeared.

"Oh no! OH NO!" yelled Motoki. He suddenly had PTSD from the traumatic experience with the beam.

"Yo," said Jadeite appearing.

"UWAAAAAA!" yelled Motoki, charging with all he had.

He threw a wildpunch, but Jed caught it.

"Eaaaaaaasy there, slugger," said Jed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Motoki, clenching his head. "What is this!? Where's the beam!?"

Jadeite dispersed the fire.

"It was just a prank, young one," said Jadeite.

Suddenly Nephrite appeared.

"So you're saying I shouldn't make it start flashing colors, and start shaking the ground?" asked Neph.

"No," said Jadeite. "He doesn't seem to be in a humorous mood tonight."

Motoki was hyperventilating, and they waited for him to calm down.

But he didn't calm down, and threw a leaping kick, throwing Jed to the ground.

"Hey, take it easy, kid," said Nephrite, putting his hand on Motoki's shoulder.

But Motoki screamed, and threw a grandslam.

Nephrite had no choice but to strike him, and Motoki passed out.

One hour later, Motoki got up.

Jed and Nephrite were playing cards.

"Hey," said Jed. "You calm down yet, sport?"

"What is going on?" asked Motoki.

"Nothing," said Nephrite. "You just started throwing punches and kicks. And you even threw a grand slam, an impressive feat for a human."

"You're not gonna hit me with a beam?" asked Motoki, warming up to the situation.

"Do you want us to?" asked Nephrite.

"That might be a problem," said Jed. "I don't know if I can throw beams. How about lightning, will that do?"

"Haha," said Motoki. "Good one. Now what do you want?"

"Well," said Jadeite. "We have a proposal."

"Mm, I'm listening," said Motoki.

"What if we," said Jadeite. "Were to offer you a night of debauchery?"

"Debauchery?" asked Motoki, feeling a warm gidd coming on him. "I haven't had a night of debauchery for a long time, ever since summer camp. I'm in."

"Good," said Nephrite. "Because we're going on a panty raid."

"A panty raid?!" asked Motoki in shock. "Nonononono. I could never!"

"Come on, good-hearted man," said Jadeite. "You must."

"No," said Motoki. "I must not. Young men our age should not be doing such delinquent acts. We should be working hard at our parents' arcades!"

"No," said Nephrite. "What are you, some kind of geh?"

"Why?" asked Motoki.

"He didn't say no," said Jadeite.

"No!" said Motoki. "I'm not! No!"

"Good," said Jadeite. "Then come."

"Fine," resigned Motoki. "I can't argue with that flawless argument."


It was the night of the panty raid, and they arrived at an apartment building.

Jadeite got the 20-foot ladder.

"We score here all the time," said Jadeite.

"Wait," said Motoki. "Before we start, we're talking about girls, right? Girl girls?"

"Ye," said Nephrite. "Raiding their dressers for their undergarments."

"OOOOH Boy!" said Motoki, not knowing if he was excited or scared. Maybe a little of both. "It's good to be young," said Motoki. "Every boy can have his night."

"Right!" said Jadeite. "Now are you gonna climb, or are you gonna stand there?"

Jed and Neph were already two floors up, and Motoki had to scramble to catch up.

"Wait for MEEEE!" he howled.

"Quiet," said Jed. "It's the middle of the night, and we're doing a home invasion."

Finally, they got into the building.

"Nice room," said Motoki. "It looks like a teenage girl's, huhu!"

"Yes," said Jadeite. "I was getting worried it'd be some kind of single man or something. Since we just picked randomly."

"I thought you hit here all the time?" said Motoki.

"Shut up," said Nephrite. "Or we won't invite you along next time."

"Hey, look at this elephant vacuum cleaner!" commented Motoki. "I think my sister has the same model!"

"Say," said Jadeite. "What's your sister's first name?"

"I don't know," said Motoki. "I don't think anyone does."

"Enough with the chit-chat," said Nephrite. "I found the goods."

"HAHA!" said Motoki. "Let me in there!"

"I'm divin' in!" said Jadeite, throwing his hands into the drawer.

"MmmmMMM!" he said, holding up a pair.

"MmmmmMMMMM!" said Nephrite, holding up a pair.

"I can only imagine what kind of cutie wears these!" giggled Motoki. "Hohohoho!"

"Hmmm," thought Motoki. "I wonder if they'd think I'm rude if I took a sniff. Maybe I should ask."

"Hey," said Motoki out loud.

"Quiet," said Jadeite. "Use your quiet voice, not just your inside voice."

Because the other two were distracted, Motoki decided it was all or nothing and went in for the kill.

That's when the lights turned on.

"Onii-chan," said Motoki's sister, more shocked than outraged.

But then she was outraged.

"Shoot!" said Jadeite. "This always happens! Let's skedaddle!"

Jadeite and Nephrite leapt out the window face first, however a regular human could not survive this maneuver.

Nonetheless, Motoki booked it for the window anyway, hoping his sister would think she imagined him.

"Motoki!" yelled Motoki's sister. "Why?! You could have just asked!"

"WOAH!" said Motoki.

Motoki's sister threw a leaping kick, and Motoki took the dive.

"BAKA HENTAI!" screamed Motoki's sister, throwing punches.

"No hentai, no hentai!" promised Motoki, blocking her punches.

She threw a low sweep, but Motoki threw a high leap.

But that's when he tripped, and due to some unexplained circumstances, he landed face-first in her bust.

"WOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Motoki, excited. "Wait, no! We're siblings!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Motoki's sister. "I'M TELLING MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"

"No you won't!" said Motoki, throwing a punch to her stomach.

She let out a howl, and grasped her stomach, hunching over in pain.

That's when Motoki threw an elbow right into her neck pressure point, instantly killing her.

"Shoot," said Motoki. "I should have known better than to throw an elbow into her pressure point, her neck pressure point nonetheless. A vital area."

Motoki went to prison for murder and perversion.

He pouted in his jail cell, his arms crossed and sitting on the ground.

Suddenly Jadeite and Nephrite appeared.

"Motoki," said Jadeite. "You're a legend."

"Shut up," said Motoki. "This is your fault. Out of all the buildings, why hers?"

"Shut up," said Jadeite. "It's not our fault. You should have just leapt out the window."

"I tried to," said Motoki. "But I was too slow on the trigger."

That's when Motoki lost his cool, and threw a karate chop, chopping through the jail bars.

He leapt right for Jed, but Jed threw a punch, killing him.

"Sad," said Jadeite. "It's very unfortunate when a simple panty raid becomes a home invasion and murder. That's what happens when you take amateurs. We should have just taken Grandpa."

"No," said Nephrite.

FIN