"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Alright, Jadeite, but if you take off again-"

That's when Jadeite looked at his watch.

"Mmm," he said.

He left without saying a word.

"Are you kidding me?!" shrieked Beryl.

That's when Zoisite and Nephrite walked in.

"Beryl," said Nephrite. "Which one of us did you give the Silver Crystal job to?"

"Hmm," said Beryl. "I think it was Nephrite."

"No it wasn't!" said Zoisite. "You specifically told me it was my job to find the Silver Crystal! You specifically told me!"

"No," said Beryl. "I'd give the higher ranking Shitennou a more important job like that. Say Zoisite, you're lower ranking, you should go get some energy!"

"No!" lied Zoisite. "I'm high ranking!"

"Then where's your shoulder pads?" taunted Nephrite.

"Where's your cape?" taunted Zoisite.

"Sorry," said Nephrite. "But everything you say bounces off me like rubber, and comes back at you like glue."

Zoisite bit his thumb. "Shoot!"

"Haha," said Nephrite.

"Oh wait, now I remember!" said Zoisite. "Beryl, you said you wanted to switch things up and send a high-ranking boy to get energy!"

"Look," said Beryl. "I don't care. The Shitennou should not be fighting amongst each other. They should be getting energy."

"See?!" said Zoisite in a desperate ploy. "She assigned you to get energy!"

That's when Beryl had enough. "Be gone!" she yelled.

She started barking, and the Shitennou fled with their lives.

They fled to the soda machine.

"It's my job to find the Silver Crystal," said Nephrite.

"Wrong!" said Zoisite. "Let's ask Kunzite!"

"No, no thanks," said Nephrite. "He's a biased man."

"Wrong!" said Zoisite. "Kunzite's the fairest man I know! I'm going to ask him!"

"Seeya," said Nephrite, hastily going back to Earth.


Jadeite sat down at his live stream, and launched up his Minecraft minigames server.

"Letsa go!" he said. "As always," he continued. "Anyone who donates 100 bits gets to play one game with me. And I decide the game."

People started throwing him bits like he was doing some kind of pole dance.

"Thank you, thank you," said Jadeite. "Everyone who donated, toss me a DM with your Minecraft username."

He was flooded with DM's like someone who didn't evacuate despite storm evacuation warnings.

"Hey!" said Jadeite. "Some of you didn't donate!"

Jadeite checked his viewer count, and he was in the six digits.

"Holy moly!" said Jadeite. "It's good to be the most popular Minecraft Youtube streamer on Earth. If I didn't care about my fanbase, I could use this to get tons of energy!"

Jadeite started a game of Bed Wars.

"This is the stuff!" he said.

But that's when some hackers swooped in like birds.

"HEY!" shouted Jadeite. "He's flying! He's flying! You guys see this, right?!"

But that's when Jadeite started getting spawn camped.

"NOOOO!" he yelled. "Someone's gonna break my bed! STOP IT! STOOOOOP!"

That's when another team ran in, one that had been particularly toxic in chat, and broke his bed.

"L!" they all typed.

That's when Jadeite threw the f-bomb, and he was so mad he lost control.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" he screamed, pounding on his keyboard.

That's when he had a moment of insanity and let loose the forbidden six-letter word, the n-bomb to be precise.

His chat exploded.

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" screamed Jadeite, when he realized his mistake. "I take it back! I don't know what happened, I've never said that word in my life! I speak Japanese!"

He tried to end his stream, but he couldn't take back what he did.

500 people clipped it, and the chat erupted at such impossible speeds that he couldn't see a word that was said.

Before he could turn off his recording, Twitch in fact shut down due to all the messages being sent at once. It crashed like the stock market.

Jadeite screamed. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH WHAT HAVE I DONE!?"

Twitch came back up, and Jadeite deleted his whole Twitch account like some maniac.

But before he closed it though, he made a solid $10,000 in bits so that people could send wild messages such as, "YOU FOOL! What have you done?!" Another one was, "RIP Jeddo!" And a third was, "There goes your spot on Youtube Rewind!"

After his Twitch account was lost in cyberspace, he deleted his Youtube, Twitter, and Instagram. Then he deleted his rarely used Google Plus and Facebook.

He threw a punch at the Negamonitor, destroying it, and then a dropkick, destroying the hard drive.

He shot lightning, destroying every trace of his computer.

"Uh oh," said Jadeite. He fell back onto the floor, panting.

"It's over," he said solemnly.

That's when Jadeite got a call on his phone.

Several people called at the same time, but only one number could ring it at once.

"Hello?" said Jadeite nervously.

"YOU'VE DONE IT NOW, BOY!" said Kenji.

"Shut up, Kenji!" said Jadeite.

Ten more calls took Kenji's place, and Jadeite answered one as his phone got spammed by texts.

"Hello," said Nephrite. "I was just watching your stream. I'm not personally offended, but I think the human race is. I suggest you get off the grid for a couple years, and then come back with a 30 hour apology video."

"I can't," said Jadeite. "I deleted my YouTube."

"Smart choice," said Nephrite. "And if anyone asks, I don't know you."

Nephrite hung up.

Zoisite took his place as the next caller.

"Jadeite," said Zoisite. "Yikes."

Then he hung up.

Jed was starting to get mad, but he kept answering the phone.

"I feel ashamed to have once called you my friend," said Motoki. "And it is very unfortunate that discrimination is still present in this world. You should be hung."

"The only thing that will be hanging is me when I hang up on you, kid," said Jadeite, but Motoki hung up first.

Grandpa was next. "Good stream," he said, mockingly. "It's a shame what happened to your Twitch. I pity those with no self-control."

Jadeite was getting very frustrated, and decided to take only one or two more calls.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the next caller.

"Who is this!?" shouted Jadeite.

"It's me, Melvin," said Melvin.

There was silence for a minute. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" continued Melvin.

Jadeite decided he'd only take one more caller, then destroy his phone.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?" answered Jadeite.

"It's the CEO of Youtube," said a voice. "We're taking you off Rewind."

"Yikes," said Jadeite. "Any chance of next year?"

The woman just shook her head, and hung up.

"Is that a yes?!" cried Jadeite to the empty line. "I couldn't see if you shook your head or nodded!"

Jadeite knew he shouldn't have, but he checked to see who took his place in Youtube Rewind.

After passing through 500 videos of him saying the n-word, he saw a video from Ms. Haruna. "I just got added to YouTube Rewind!" it was called, and it had a clickbait thumbnail of her jumping off a bridge.

"Wow," said Jed. "I can't believe it. What a waste."

Jed crushed his phone in his palm.

That's when he heard a racket outside the Negacomputer lounge.

It was an angry mob, with torches and pitchforks.

"It's just a word!" screamed Jadeite. "We've all said it before!"

"WRONG!" screamed Motoki, throwing a leaping kick, busting down the door.

He threw a wild punch, but before it could land, Jadeite threw a punch into the man's stomach, shattering him like some kind of glass.

Motoki dropped to the ground, but ten more people took his place.

A man swung his torch, but Jadeite grabbed the torch by the flame end and lit the whole stick on fire, burning the man alive.

"We create fire!" yelled Jadeite.

He threw a wildpunch, killing another man.

"Just give in!" screamed a man. "No one says that word! You're going to heck!"

"NEVER!" yelled Jadeite.

He threw a horizontal mallet punch right into the man's neck, killing him.

Then he leapt into the air, and threw a knee right into a man's chest, instantly killing him.

A man threw his pitchfork like a spear, but Jadeite dodged, and threw a mighty punch right into the man's ribs, shattering them.

He slowly died.

Jed threw a dropkick, ending three men.

But while he was on the ground, 20 men threw piledrivers.

Jed had no choice but to throw a grandslam, followed by three cyclone punches.

"Leave me alone," said Jadeite, annoyed.

He threw himself, taking out 10 men like bowling pins, and kept running.

"HEY!" yelled the crowd. "You were my son's favorite streamer!"

They chased after him with high morale, even though several of them just died.

They were very feisty, and threw themselves like bombs or kamikaze pilots.

Jadeite curved around, dodging everyone who threw themselves like projectiles.

That's when ten men came flying at him from the end of the hall he was running towards, but he did a low dive, causing them to fly into the crowd, creating a large explosion and causing 13 demises.

But the others were hot on his tail.

Jadeite fired lightning to slow them down, but despite the 20 deaths as a result, the rest increased their speed, leaping over the bodies like hurdles.

"WwaaAAaaA!" yelled Jadeite, reaching a turn.

He quickly skidded to a halt like a cartoon character, almost slamming into a wall.

But he stopped right on cue, and then kept running down the turn in a cartoonish manner.

But many of the guys chasing him weren't so lucky, and they crashed into the wall at terminal velocity, dying.

Once there were enough casualties, there was no longer a wall, so they were able to keep up their pursuit.

Jadeite ran past Nephrite at the soda machine like the devil was after him.

"Nyeyeyeyeyeey!" Jed screamed at the top of his lungs with his arms in the air.

Nephrite did a double-take, as 20 pitchforks flew after him. They were followed by a large crowd of people, and Nephrite had to cling to the soda machine to not get trampled.

Jadeite finally made it to his space, and leapt in and started swimming in the air.

The humans followed right after him, but they weren't so lucky, and they sunk down like they were being sucked into a black hole.

After 500 deaths, they just crowded the door, and shook their fists at Jed.

Jadeite taunted. "Na nanana boo boo!"

But that's when they started throwing pitch forks, so Jadeite had to swim away.

He swam for 20 hours, and he was finally safe in the depths of his dark space.

Suddenly Queen Beryl appeared, but she didn't quite look herself.

"You don't quite look yourself, m'queen," said Jadeite.

"Yes," said Beryl. "It's a side effect of my rarely-used teleport, not poor animation."

"Ah," said Jadeite. "I thought on episode 12 you were just poorly drawn."

"No," said Beryl. "It's just a side effect. I stay like this for 20 minutes. If you want to wait that long, I can talk to you in my true form."

"What do you want?" asked Jed, sitting cross-legged in the air.

"I heard about your blunder," said Beryl. "I was just sitting on my throne and a bunch of enraged humans ran in."

"You know," said Jed. "I wouldn't say it's poorly drawn. I'd say it's more crude than anything."

"Shut up," said Beryl. "Because of you our lair is no longer secret."

"Boohoo," said Jed. "At least you're not public enemy number one."

"I should be!" yelled Beryl. "But you've taken my spotlight! It's time for you to go make amends with the humans."

"I don't wanna," said Jadeite.

"Fine," said Beryl. "But suit yourself."

Beryl teleported away, and became even more crude, only a rough pencil sketch.

"Sad," said Jadeite.


Jadeite went to Earth in an overcoat and hat.

"Mmmmm," he said, wearing shades. "Shady."

He spotted several billboards of pictures of his face through a sniper lens.

"How rude!" said Jadeite.

He turned to a store, and saw an actual bounty on him for ten million dollars.

"Yikes," said Jed. "They didn't get this mad when I threatened to blow up the highly populated city of Tokyo. But what are ya gonna do?"

Jadeite went to a library and hopped on the computer since his was broken.

"Here we go," he said.

"I'm still gonna play Minecraft. But I'm going on an alternate account, of course."

Suddenly a "Breaking Google News!" alert popped up across his screen.

"Oh no!" said Jed. "Is it World War 3?!"

But he let out a sigh of relief when it was just a picture of his face.

"Hey wait a second!" he said. "That's not right!"

The headline read, "Popular streamer damns himself to hell! Click to find out what he said!"

"Darn Google," said Jadeite. "This is why I use Bing."

He logged on Minecraft, but before he could play, a notification popped up.

"Dear User," the Minecraft notification said. "We are saddened to hear about recent events involving the popular streamer Jeddo, and want to let you know that we do not condone the use of our platform to propel hate speech and discrimination. Minecraft is personally offering a $10 billion bounty for any knowledge on this evil beast, and-"

Jadeite closed the pop-up, and then had to go through ten new agreements about updates to terms of services.

That's when he logged on his minigames server.

But a pop-up came up.

"In spite of recent events," it began.

Jadeite closed Minecraft

"Whatever," he said. "I'll just go play Clicker Hero."

But then he went on Google, because he didn't know the Clicker Hero website address by heart.

There were many news articles from well-known newspapers and news sites about the fiasco.

Even the US government updated their homepage with an apology, despite Jed not being affiliated with them at all.

The Google Doodle was a gun shooting Jadeite in the head.

"Now, now," said Jadeite. "Come on now."

He accidentally clicked on videos, and despite searching "Clicker Heroes," the first video was a group of men burning Jadeite McSwag's profile picture on a steak.

"Hoo ha!" they said.

"Yikes," said Jed. He finally made it to Clicker Heroes after 5 more pop-ups.

"Play Now!" he clicked.

But that's when Google News popped up.

"Prime Minister of Japan made a statement about popular streamer Jeddo!"

Jadeite closed it.

"Back off!" he yelled, and was subsequently shushed by the librarians.

"Sorry," said Jeddo.

He started his Clicker Hero, and was happy to see no pop-ups on the game itself.

He uninstalled Google News, so he thought he was good to go.

But that's when he was shocked to see that the next enemy that appeared in Clicker Hero was not your typical enemy, but was rather Jadeite's Twitch profile picture, with devil horns.

"HEY!" said Jadeite.

His heroes started draining the beast's health.

"NOOOOO!" said Jadeite. "Don't betray me!"

But his heroes acted on their own, and defeated the monster, giving him 10x gold.

"HEEEYYY!" said Jadeite. "I can't live in a world where I can't even go on the internet, or watch TV without the news being spammed on every channel, and every Google search!"

Jadeite destroyed the library computer, and the librarians came over in a fit of rage.

They threw a mightybackhand, knocking his shades off.

"NOOO!" said the librarian. "It's HIM! Public enemy #1 and top person on 12 countries' most wanted lists!"

A crowd instantly swarmed in, and Jadeite got in his fighting stance.

After 20 minutes of battle, and humans multiplying by the second since every human he defeated was replaced by 10 live ones, Jadeite had no choice but to spawn a portal and leap in.

But he didn't shut it in time, and 20 men dived in as expected.

Jadeite slayed them, and then laid down on the floor.

"I can't live like this," he decided. "It's time to make amends. But I'm gonna need some help."


Jadeite went to the one person he knew he could count on.

"Nephrite," said Jadeite. "Will you help me make amends?"

"Don't talk to me," said Nephrite. "I don't want to be public enemy #2."

Nephrite leapt through the soda machine slot like a warp pipe, and was never seen again.

"Grrrr," said Jadeite, clenching his fist.

He showed up at Zoisite and Kunzite's castle.

"This is a long shot," he said. "But I'm a Shitennou like them, so they should pity and help me."

He knocked on the door, but no one answered.

"Go away!" yelled someone.

"NOOOOO!" yelled Jadeite. "Let me in!"

"Please leave," said a voice.

Jadeite got mad and destroyed the door, and then went on his way.

He went to the last person he knew, Kenji Tsukino.

"Kenji," said Jadeite. "It's time."

"Sorry," said Kenji. "Trust me, I would help you any other day, but today's the toast-athon in central park, and I can't miss it as I have to be the opening speaker."

"Grrrrr," said Jadeite. "I guess it's over for me then."

As he went to leave the Tsukino household, he was stopped at the door.

"Hey," said a squeaky voice. "Are you him?"

"Yes," said Jadeite. "I am the one."

"HAhahahaha," laughed Shingle. "Good work. I would have done the same."

"No!" said Jadeite. "It was a mistake! An accident! It slipped off my tongue! It was on the edge of my subconscious somehow, perhaps from a dream!"

"You don't have to lie to me," said Shingle. "Personally, I'm your fan. I didn't like you before, but now you are my role model! I use that kind of language every day, when I go onto Xbox Live. But I'm not a famous Youtuber, so no one cares."

"Ahhh," said Jadeite. "I must be going though. I have to go make amends with the world."

"Can I come too?" asked Shingle.

"No can do," said Jed. "It will be a dangerous mission, possibly one you won't survive. I can't carry you when I'll be having my own struggle."

"No," said Shingle. "I need to make amends too."

"Why?" asked Jadeite.

"Well," said Shingo. "One time I made a bomb threat to my elementary school on Facebook. I don't know why I did it, just to see what would happen I guess. But the repercussions were so much I had to drop out of school, and an angry mob showed up to my house every day, until Kenji killed them all. Not for me, but for the thrill of the battle. Kenji's a wild man. He once killed ten men with one belt swing."

"Tell me about it," said Jadeite. "You know he's one of the main members of my evil organization?"

"It wouldn't surprise me," said Shingle.

"Alright," said Jadeite. "Let's go."


Jadeite and Shingo arrived at the base of Super Mount Everest, the father of the world's tallest mountain, Mount Everest.

Super Mount Everest was 10x the height of Mount Everest, and its tip was actually in space and bumped into the Moon occasionally.

"This is it, Luigi," said Jadeite with a sorrowful tone. "We must climb this mountain to be forgiven."

"Right," said Shingle. "Do you have any climbing gear?"

"Yes," said Jadeite. "Here you go."

"Where'd you get that?" asked Shingle.

"I stole it," said Jadeite. "From a store nearby."

Shingo climbed into the gear. "It's a little big," he said.

"Shut up, bomb threat boy," said Jadeite.

Jadeite rustled through his climbing bag, and pulled out a camera.

"We are going to record this event," he said.

"Why?" asked Shingle. "How about instead, we don't climb the mountain, and make it look like we did with green screen!"

"No," said Jadeite. "There's experts that can tell the difference. Shadows and what-not."

"Hmm," said Shingo. "Is it too late to back out?"

"Yes," said Jadeite. "I'm recording."

"Shoot," said Shingo. "I don't wanna look like a coward when you post this! Let's get a move on!"

Jadeite and Shingo were about to start climbing the mountain, when a figure approached them in the snow.

Jadeite's reflexes kicked in and he threw a punch.

But it was caught, by none other than Grandpa.

"Watch it," said the old-timer.

Jadeite watched it. "What are you doing here, Gramps?" he said.

"Ahhh," said Grandpa. "I am here for the same reason you are. To make amends with the world."

"What do you need to make amends for?" asked Jadeite.

"Ohoho," said Grandpa. "You don't want to know, or you wouldn't be climbing with me."

"Yikes," said Jadeite. "I guess I don't wanna know."

"Tell me we're not taking this old man," said Shingle. "He'll just weigh us down! And he's giving me weird looks…"

"No weird looks," said Grandpa, winking at Shingle when Jed looked away.

"HEEEEELP!" yelled Shingle. "I need an adult!"

"Then you shouldn't have tried to blow up the school," said Jadeite.

"I didn't try!" said Shingle. "It was a joke! But sadly no one had a sense of humor. They had the opposite of a sense of humor, and went bonkers!"

"Sad," said Grandpa.

"Going up!" said Jadeite, throwing his grappling hook.

Shingle threw his, but it didn't quite make the same amount of distance.

Meanwhile, Grandpa was scaling the wall with his feet.

"Wow," said Shingle. "This old-timer's not as old as he looks! I could learn a thing or two from this wise one."

"Quiet, young one," said Grandpa, scaling with his hands and legs like he was going up a tree.


They climbed for ten hours, and then took a break for the night.

"I-I-I-I-I-I'm freezing!" shivered Shingle.

"Don't worry," said Grandpa. "I'll warm you with my body."

"I'd rather FREEEEEZE!" yelled Shingo, running in a circle to gain warmth.

"Alright," said Jadeite. "Let's take a power nap. There's a storm a coming, and we have to make some ground before it arrives. Otherwise we'll run out of supplies."

"Wait," said Shingle. "How do you know there's a storm!?"

"There's always a storm," said Jadeite. "It wouldn't be a mountain climb without one."

"Shoot!" said Shingle. "I don't think I'll make it till you wake up! I'll freeze!"

"Just put on your coat," suggested Jed, laying down in the snow.

"I'm wearing it!" said Shingo. "But it's doing no good!"

"Quit whining," said Jed. "This is our life now."

Jadeite took a ten minute power nap.

"Alright," said Jed, hopping to his feet. "Let's go!"

Grandpa was playing Kirby Canvas Curse on his Nintendo DS. "Darn hitboxes!" he shouted. "Paint Panic is so tough," he said, working his little pen.

"Grandpa, it's time to go," said Jadeite.

"Shoot," said Grandpa, putting his DS in his pocket.

"Come on, young one," said Jadeite, calling for the little boy whose name he didn't know.

But when he turned to Shingle, he was in an ice cube, with a pained expression.

"He's dead," said Grandpa plainly.

"No," said Jadeite. "If I know anything about being put in an ice cube, you simply wake up 1,000 years later in the future. However this young man's going to have an early wake-up."

Jadeite cracked Shingo out of his ice cube with his mountain-climbing chisel.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" yelled Shingo. "Am I alive?!"

"You tell me," said Grandpa.

"That was scary," said Shingo. "I saw things."

"What things?" asked Jed curiously.

"Shut up!" said Shingle. "Are we gonna climb this stupid mountain or sit here like idiots?!"

Shingle started scaling the wall but didn't make it far.

"Don't give up, small one," said Jadeite, giving Shingo a boost as he climbed past him.


They climbed for 12 more hours, and then the storm came.

"WAAAAAAAAAAA!" cried Shingo. "It's so windy!"

"I can't see!" yelled Jadeite. "The blizzard is too strong! Are you there, little guy?"

"Do you know my name?!" yelled Shingle.

"Of course," said Jadeite. "Smol one."

"Let's retreat into a cave," said Grandpa.

They retreated into the next cave they found.

"Looks like we're waiting out the blizzard," said Jed.

"How's our supplies?" asked Shingle.

Jadeite reached in his pocket. "I got two chocolate tokens."

He reached in his other pocket. "And… nothing," he concluded.

"WE'RE GONNA DIEEEEE!" howled Shingo, like a wolf.

"Don't worry," said Grandpa. "If you meditate, you don't need food anymore."

"Okay," said Shingle. "But isn't that just fighting the hunger to a standstill? We have to get out of here!"

"Easy there," said Jadeite. "We'll get through."

"Are you recording this?" asked Grandpa.

"Yes," said Jadeite. "But sadly it's too dark to see. Now people are going to think we're just talking in a dark room."

"Don't worry," said Grandpa. "I'll start a fire."

He pulled some sticks out of his bag, and placed them down.

Then he rubbed his hands together, and released a small ember of flame, using his mystic abilities.

"Hoo ha!" he yelled, finishing the attack.

"Good work," said Jadeite. "I can do the same. And I can shoot lightning too."

"Yeah, okay," said Shingo. "I thought kids stopped pretending after the age of five?"

"How would you know, being a four-year-old?" retaliated Jadeite.

"Hey!" said Shingle. "I'm not that young!"

"Then what's your age, short stop?" challenged Jed.

Shingo thought for a moment. "Not telling," he said.

"Haha," said Jadeite. "Four. And I do have powers. Great ones."

"Me too," said Grandpa. "I have the powers to see through girls' clothing!"

"No way," said Jadeite. "How?"

"Just kidding," said Grandpa. "I wish."

"HOLY MOLY!" exclaimed Shingo suddenly.

"What is it, boy?" said Jadeite.

"It's a- it's a caveman!" yelled Shingle.

"Hey, I'm not that old," said Grandpa. "Spoiled brat."

"No, seriously!" said Shingo. "It's a caveman, frozen in a block of ice!"

"Where?!" said Jadeite.

"Over there, idiot," said Shingle.

"Ah!" said Jadeite. "It's a caveman! Let's release it!"

"NOoooOOO," said Grandpa. "That's bad news bears."

"Yeah," said Shingle. "You seriously shouldn't release it. You don't know a caveman's strength. It's much greater than a human's."

"Alright," said Jadeite. "I won't release it."

He sat there patiently.

"What stories it must have to tell," he commented.

"No," said Shingle. "It probably can't even speak, let alone Japanese."

"Alright," said Jadeite. "You're right. I won't release it," he repeated.

That's when he released the caveman with a sonic punch.

"YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL!" said Shingle.

"OOGA BOOGA!" yelled the caveman, swinging his club.

"Woahboy!" said Jadeite, leaping for cover.

"We mean you no harm!" tried Grandpa.

But the caveman was enraged, and would not listen to reason, like some kind of Neanderthal.

It threw a dropkick, sending Grandpa flying out into the blizzard.

"WOaaAAAAH!" he yelled.

Jadeite ran up and leapt on the caveboy's back, but didn't really have a plan for what to do afterwards.

"Shingle!" he yelled. "Quick, throw punches!"

But Shingle was too frightened by the prehistoric beast, and simply trembled in his place.

"SHIINGLE!" yelled Jadeite.

The caveman finally got a grip on Jed, and threw him to the ground, and then threw a piledriver on his spine.

"YEEEEEOOOUCH!" yelled Jadeite.

Grandpa ran in, and tackled the beast to the floor.

But that's when the caveman grabbed him by the bulbous head, and threw him into a wall, shaking the cave.

"I must do something!" shouted Shingle. "I can't be a coward forever!"

He ran up and threw his pickaxe, but it simply angered the beast.

"ME EAT BOY!" yelled the caveman.

"He can speak!" cried Jadeite. "Glorious day for science!"

The caveman got Shingle in his big meaty claws, and then tied him up with the mountain-climbing rope they brought.

"Oh no!" cried Jed. "It's learning to use tools!"

After Shingo was properly hung on the ceiling, the caveman started taking swings with his club like a man hitting a piñata.

"HeEEEEeeeeEEELP!" yelled Shingo. "This isn't fun anymore!"

"Demon begone!" yelled Grandpa suddenly, throwing a sacred paper on the ancient humanoid.

However, it had no effect.

"He's not evil!" called Jadeite. "Just confused! He was woken up at a strange time, in front of alien-like creatures with normal-sized foreheads!"

"Sad," said Grandpa. "If Taiki was the one who woke him up, I bet he wouldn't have even attacked."

"Haha, so true," said Jadeite.

That's when Jadeite knew there was nothing left to do but shoot lightning.

However, it had no effect.

"What the-" said Jadeite.

"Ah," said Grandpa. "Because he was frozen for so long, he grew accustomed to extreme temperatures, and his skin is so cold lightning only warms the creature."

"Shoot!" said Jed. "I should have known."

Jadeite tried again anyway, out of options. But it still had no effect.

However, the lightning caused a nearby stick to light ablaze.

The caveman suddenly ceased his assault, and ran up on all fours to examine the burning stick.

"FIRE?!" the caveman said, like a caveman.

"Aha!" said Jadeite. "Fire is a foreign concept to this beast!"

Jadeite picked up the stick, and threw it out of the cave and into the distance.

"OOGA BOOGA!" yelled the caveman, running right after it.

The caveman was never seen again, but was assumed to have made it back to society and grown accustomed to it.

"Good work," said Grandpa. "I'm glad you learned to use your noggin before you act."

"Let me DOOOOOWWWWN!" wept Shingo.

Jadeite released the poor boy, and he wept for a long time.

"That was scary," said Shingle. "I never knew cavemen were real!"

"Don't worry," said Jadeite. "At least you stood your ground, and tried to fight the beast."

"Thanks," said Shingo, cheering up.

"Ah," said Jadeite. "The storm is gone."

"Already?" asked Grandpa.

"Yes," said Jadeite.

They exited the cave, and started climbing.


After ten more hours, the air was so thin they needed oxygen tanks.

"My calculations suggest we're in the stratosphere," said Jadeite. "It's gonna start getting cold when we hit the mesosphere, but I heard the view is amazing."

"Yikes," said Shingy.


After 20 more hours of very slippery and steep climbing, the blue daylight transitioned into space as they exited Earth's atmosphere and reached the peak of the mountain, which was the size of a needle head.

"Move over," said Shingle. "I wanna see!"

"Nothing to see," said Jadeite. "We're too high up! Hey, there's Sputnik!"

"I think that was downed long ago," said Grandpa.

"Wrong," said Jadeite, pointing to the obvious form of Sputnik.

"Heh," said Grandpa. "Those slippery Russians. They kept that thing up all these years."

"Alright," said Jadeite, turning on the camera. "This is it."

The camera turned on, and Jadeite zoomed in on his face atop the mountain.

"Hello YouTube," said Jadeite. "When I was streaming, I made a mistake. I let a word slip out that no one should speak, ever. But I have made amends with the world, by climbing Super Mount Everest."

He pointed the camera off the mountain, and the entire Earth was in plain view.

"This is not a green screen," he said, throwing his fist in many directions to show there was no screen behind him.

He threw his pickaxe off into the distance, to show that it kept going, in fact with constant velocity because they were in space.

"Well," said Jadeite. "By the laws of humankind, I am forgiven now. I won't slip up again."

"Hey!" said Shingle. "I'm here too! Let me talk about the bombing!"

"Alright," said Jadeite, handing him the camera. "Don't drop it."

"Hello," said Shingle. "I am Shingo Tsukino, son of Kenji Tsukino. Many of you may know me as the Tokyo Elementary bomber, but it was just a joke, I promise."

"Wait," said Grandpa. "Your apology's gonna have to wait. It's coming."

"What's coming?" demanded Shingo. "This is my big moment!"

Jadeite took the camera, and threw it in his bag without turning it off. "Do you feel that?" he said. "It's the beast."

"What beeeast?!" said Shingle.

"I don't know," said Jadeite. "But I feel its energy."

The air would have grown thin, if there was any.

Grandpa got in his battle stance, or an altered version of it due to his footing.

That's when a giant hawk appeared, the size of the Empire State Building.

"Impossible!" yelled Grandpa. "I thought it was only a myth."

"It's so big!" said Jadeite.

"Are we gonna have to fight that?!" said Shingle.

"Yes," said Grandpa sadly. "It's the final step of making amends."

"Alright," said Shingo. "Just let me mentally prepare."

That's when the hawk let out a giant screech, and it flapped its mighty powerful wings, creating a giant gust.

The gust was so powerful, Shingle lost his grip of the slippery mountain, and in fact launched ten feet off the mountain.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed, as he fell towards his death in a cartoonish manner.

He fell for 30 straight minutes, until he collided with his snowy grave.

"RIP Shingle," said Jadeite.

He leapt into the air, and fired lightning out of his palms.

The hawk let out a roar, as high voltage lightning spread across its body, inflicting some damage here and there.

"Excellent thinking!" said Grandpa. "Everyone knows lightning type is super effective against flying!"

"Thanks," said Jed. "But honestly, it's just my only attack."

Grandpa kicked off the mountain, and threw a bodyslam right into the beast's stomach, making it spit.

Grandpa hung onto its feather, and started mounting the huge beast.

Jadeite leapt towards the beast too, and got it by the neck in a chokehold.

"GOT HIM!" he said, because he could fly.

But Grandpa continued to climb the beast, knowing that if he got to its head, he could just throw a simple overhead mallet punch, destroying it.

Suddenly Grandpa grabbed hold of a loose feather, that plucked right out.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Grandpa.

Grandpa clung to his feather, infusing it with all his hopes and dreams, as the feather was swept far away by the wind.

It was unknown if Grandpa survived, but Jadeite couldn't give up.

He tightened his chokehold, as the beast fought to escape it.

That's when it threw its neck, and it flipped, sending Jadeite flying into the mountain wall.

"Oof!" said Jadeite. He took out his climbing gear as the hawk circled around him.

He threw his grappling hook, which wrapped around the beast's leg.

Jadeite tried to stand his ground on the mountain, but the hawk was moving with so much force that Jadeite was taken for a ride.

"WOoooooAAAaaAAAHH!" yelled Jadeite.

He swung by the mountain again, and tried to regain his footing.

"This is like flying the world's most rebellious kite!" commented Jadeite, pulling with all his might.

But sadly his grappling hook was only a simple rope, and it snapped.

If Jadeite was not mightier, he would have got tossed off the mountain.

"Wow," said Jadeite. "How could I conquer such a giant beast?"

The hawk let out a screech, and Jadeite braced himself.

Suddenly he heard screams, and he turned in shock.

Somehow, for some reason, a plane had followed him to the top of the mountain.

It was filled with haters, who came to insult Jadeite.

"JADEITE SUCKS!" they chanted out the window of the plane, swooping by to get their screams heard.

"Ahh!" said Jadeite. "When life hands you a lemon, you do THIIIIIIS!"

Jadeite suddenly seized control of the plane, and threw it into the giant hawk with the force of a trillion suns.

The plane and the hawk crashed all the way to the ground, and exploded, leaving no remains of where Shingle had landed.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasy does it!" said Jadeite, dusting off his hands.

He took out his camera and finished reciting his apology that he put minimum thought into before he climbed the mountain.

When he got home, he recreated his YouTube, and posted his apology.

Suddenly, there was a ring on his phone.

It was the people of Earth.

"You are forgiven," they said.

"Alright," said Jadeite. "EEEeassssy!"