"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

But this was one of Beryl's more angry days.

Without uttering a word, she turned three spotlights onto Jadeite.

"Oh brother," sighed Jadeite.

"You have shown great promise," began Beryl.

"Ah, good," said Jadeite. "Is this some sort of awards show then?"

"However," said Beryl. "You also made many mistakes."

"D'ah," said Jed.

"It's been quite a few episodes, and you still haven't defeated the Sailors!" said Beryl.

"What're ya gonna do?" asked Jadeite, more to himself than to Beryl.

"This is unacceptable," said Queen Beryl. "I hired you as the strategic commander so that we could progress our operation on Earth. However-"

That's when the spotlights turned off.

"Oh," said Jadeite. "Uh… does that mean I'm free to go?"

"Hey!" said Beryl. "What's going on here?! We just put in those lights! Hey, crowd, where are you?!"

The crowd dispersed because Beryl could not see them.

Jadeite went to slip away, but the lights came back on.

Jadeite looked up to the ceiling. "What is the source of these lights anyway?"

"What's going on?" demanded Beryl. "Is this the work of that fiend Zoisite? He is a well-renowned prankster."

"Hmmm," said Jadeite. "Is one of his abilities turning off lights?"

"No," said Beryl. "That power only belongs to Kunzite. Why would he do this to me?"

The lights went out again.

"Grrrrr!" said Beryl. "What is going on!?"

She held up her crystal ball to illuminate the room.

"Jadeite!" yelled Beryl. "Where are you?!"

"I'm over here!" called Jadeite.

"I don't see you!" said Beryl. "Stop throwing your voice!"

"Hmmm," said Jadeite. "This is very fitting for the Dark Kingdom. It gives the name a whole new meaning."

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" yelled Beryl.


Nephrite stood at his vending machine, tapping his foot.

"What should I buy today?" he demanded of the vending machine.

Finally it came time for him to insert his bill.

But the power went out.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" he said. "Vending machine, are you there?! SPEAK TO ME!"

The power came back on, as did the vending machine.

Nephrite breathed a sigh of relief.

"Let's try that again," he said. "No tricks this time."

He went to insert his bill, but the power left him once again.

"RrrRR!" said Nephrite, retracting his bill.

The lights turned back on, and he went for broke.

But the moment of electricity only lasted for a split second.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Nephrite.

"TAKE ME MONEY!"

He grabbed the machine and threw it to the ground.

"Someone's gonna pay for this!" he said.


"I'm losing health!" yelled Zoisite.

"Hit the conveyer belt!" cried Kunzite in a frenzy.

"They're broken!" cried Zoisite.

"WooaaaahhHH!" yelled Kunzite. "How many unites you got left?!"

"3," said Zoisite. "But they're all jellybeans!"

"GrrrrRR!" said Kunzite. "I really don't want to part with this max unite, but I might have to if this keeps up."

Kunzite and Zoisite were duo-ing a CEO on Toontown, and they were four hours in.

The other six players had died because they greened them (purposely caused them to die), and Kunzite and Zoisite decided to stick it out and finish the tough boss by their personal resolve.

"FORE!" yelled the CEO.

Kunzite dove off the table, barely avoiding a golf ball.

"Hooo," said Kunzite. "None of us got hit."

"Going down!" yelled Zoisite.

"NooOOOOO!" yelled Kunzite. "You can't die! I already used 20 fires, and 14 unites!"

Kunzite was left with no choice but to run over to Zoisite and throw his final max unite.

Zoisite was healed to full.

"Phew," said Zoisite. "Now we can finally defeat this fiend!"

But that's when the power went out.

It was only for one millisecond, but both their toons were kicked, and they were unable to return to the game forever.

"NoOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Zoisite. "My level sevens!"

"My unite!" cried Kunzite. "It was wasted! As were the last four hours of my life! Someone's going to pay dearly for this!"


The Shitennou sat in the Shitennou meeting room, and held an emergency conference by candle light.

"How are we supposed to see where we're going with the power going out?" asked Zoisite.

"We need to get to the bottom of this," said Jed. "We'll search the whole Negaverse if we have to."

However, from the room that shared a wall with the meeting room, they heard a spark, and then the power went off.

"I think it's coming from there!" said Nephrite.

They all stormed into the room.

"Aha!" said Nephrite. "Here's the problem! Too many toasters!"

And this was indeed the case. There were 500 toasters all hooked up to one plug for some reason.

Nephrite unplugged the monstrosity, and all the toasters released their contents. It started raining bread.

"You know what they say," said Jadeite solemnly, holding up a loaf of bread that said "Sourpuss bread," and had Beryl's head on it. "All toasters toast toast."

"Huh?" said Zoisite. "No? They toast bread. Toasting toast would burn it."

"The only thing toasted is gonna be you," promised Jadeite.

"Watch it," said Kunzite.

"Watch it," said Nephrite.

"Hey," said Kunzite. "Watch it!"

"Watch it," said Jadeite.

"Watch it," said Zoisite.

"Hey," said Nephrite. "Watch it."

"Enough!" said Jadeite. "Who is responsible for this toaster set-up that has been blacking out the Negaverse!?"

That's when Kenji Tsukino pranced in, like someone released from a life sentence.

"HEY!" he shrieked. "Who unplugged my toasters?! Now my toast is gonna be half-cooked! This won't do!"

"Hey!" said Jadeite. "What are you thinking, boy?!"

"Excuse me?" said Kenji indignantly.

"Yeah," said Kunzite. "Why didn't you just use different outlets?"

"Sadly there's only two outlets in this room," said Kenji. "And the other I would have to get on the floor and reach under the table. I once made my son Shingle crawl under a table to pick up my glasses, but it turned out it was secretly a cage in disguise. Then I took the cage in my car and brought it to a cliff and threw it off, killing my son Shingle."

"You can't use this much energy," said Zoisite. "It is destroying the Negaverse. Don't ever do this again."

"Hey, watch it," said Kenji. "Don't rub me the wrong way, young one. Or I'll make your life miserable."

"Who do you think you are?" demanded Kunzite.

Kenji turned to Kunzite with a look of pure hatred, and stepped right in front of him.

He got on his tippy-toes and faced Kunzite eye-to-eye.

"I'm your worst nightmare," spat Kenji. "I can plug in anything I want into these outlets. Speaking of outlets," said Kenji. "One time I told my son Shingle to put a key in an outlet. I laughed and laughed as he was shocked for ten minutes, as I in fact put glue on the key and the outlet. So he was stuck there until he died."

"Wow," said Jadeite. "What a cruel man."

"Correct," said Kenji. "So don't get in my way again."

Kenji gathered his toast from the floor, and headed for the exit.

Kunzite was gritting his teeth as Kenji walked past him, and plugged the toaster mess back in.

He was almost at the door, when he stopped walking.

"You know," said Kenji. "You Shitennou are disposable, like rubbish on the side of the freeway. So don't get too full of yourselves."

"RRrrR!" said Kunzite.

Right as Kenji reached the door, Kunzite readied his hand to fire a blast.

But right before it was fired, Kenji spun around in an instant, swinging his belt like a whip and catching Kunzite by the hand.

"NOooOO!" said Zoisite. "Let him go, you monster!"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" said Kenji.

Kenji whipped his belt, and Kunzite was sent flying.

Kenji retrieved his belt and put it back on.

"I'll let you off with your lives today," said Kenji. "But if my toast is one degree too undercooked next time, then Zoisite's head will be mine."

"Why me!?" said Zoisite.

Kenji left.

The Shitennou turned to Kunzite, who was within an inch of his life.

"I see the light," he said.

"Walk towards it!" called Jed.

"NOooOOO!" said Zoisite. "Walk away from it!"

They brought Kunzite to the hospital, and he barely made it with his skin.

"Kenji's gonna pay!" said Zoisite.

"Yes," said Kunzite.

"But how?" said Nephrite. "That man's a monster! We could never come to blows with him!"

"Hmmm," said Kunzite. "I bet that bastard wouldn't be so cocky if he didn't have his son Shangle or whatever that he always talks about."

"AAAhHHH!" said Zoisite, the smart one. "I bet we can get that kid taken away, because Kenji's an abusive father!"

"Yes," said Jadeite. "I read many fanfictions where he was a bad man, and abused both his kids. Sailor Moon didn't even have powers in those stories. They were kind of stupid. Like just using the characters for a plot that they could never actually relate to."

"Welcome to Fanfiction," said Neph. "Where AU's are plentiful, but none of them are good."

"Yes," said Zoisite. "AU is basically just an excuse to write a story with your own characters, but with the same names as characters from Sailor Moon. And then use OOC as an excuse. Despicable."

Jadeite pulled out his cellphone and dialed Child Protective Services.

"Hello," he said. "I have a man to report."


Kenji read his newspaper on his sofa, as he used Shingle as a footrest.

"Mmmmmm," said Kenji. "Toast stocks have gone up! This calls for a celebration! I should hang Shingle like a piñata and beat him with a club!"

"No, please," said Shingle. "Also, can I swap out now with the cat?"

"Nooooo," said Kenji. "Not until your spine breaks."

"But Papa," said Shingle. "It will take years for your feet to do that."

"Then get comfortable," said Kenj.

There was a knock on the door.

Ikuko answered.

"Dammit, woman!" said Kenji. "Why have you left the kitchen?"

"Kenji," said Ikuko. "Come on now."

"Hello," said a man in a suit. He was flanked by a woman in a suit, and she was flanked by another man in a suit.

"Hello," said the other man. "We are from Child Protective Services, and we have received a report about young Kenji Tsukino."

Kenji folded his newspaper and stood up.

"What is the meaning of this?" he said. "Shingle, did you do this? I'll beat you with my belt, boy."

"Hmmmm," said the squad.

They walked over to young Shingo.

"I never abuse my son," boasted Kenji like that was some kind of bragging right. "Right Shango?"

"Please help me," said Shingle.

"Why I oughtta!" said Kenji, waving his fist.

"What is the meaning of your son sitting on the floor like a footstool?" asked the woman.

"You cannot tell me how to raise my son!" said Kenji. "Have at you!"

He threw a wild punch, taking out a man.

While the man was on the floor, Kenji leapt on top of him, and started throwing punch after punch.

Meanwhile, the other two took Shingle and ran.

"HEeeEeEEEEY!" said Kenji, taking off after them. "Give back my brat kid!"

"NeEEEEEEVER!" they called.

They put Shingle under their arm like a football, and ran for their car.

Kenji unleashed his belt, and swung it, wrapping around the woman's leg and bringing her to the floor.

He chased after the last guy, but he threw Shingle like a projectile into the car and the car drove away.

"I'm FRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" yelled Shingle. "Toast is garbage!"

Kenji popped a blood vessel.

He unleashed his anger on the three Child Protective Service members until they were no more.

But he was still bloodlusted.

He returned to the house, and picked up the newspaper, tearing it in half.

He threw a dropkick into the TV, destroying it.

Luna was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and experienced Kenji's wrath.

She was no longer in the living world after experiencing it, and had no choice but to pass on.

Kenji was still panting from anger as Ikuko tried to comfort him.

"It's okay," said Ikuko. "We can fight this. But why do you want him back anyway? You always voice how much you hate him, and in fact just the other day, you tied cinder blocks to his legs and threw him in the pool."

"Because," said Kenji. But he didn't have an answer.

Finally he did. "It's a matter of honor!" he declared. "I need to be the one to kill Shingle! And Child Protective Services are preventing me from killing Shingle!"

Kenji rolled up his sleeves. "It's time," he said. "To kill Shingle."

"Okay," said Ikuko.

"Don't get in my way," said Kenji.

"Alright," said Ikuko. "I hate that kid anyway."

"Good," said Kenji.

He went up into his bedroom, and opened up his secret compartment in his closet.

He pulled out a box, the exact size of a gun.

But when he opened it, it was not a gun. It was his special belt, laced with spikes.

"Hoo ha!" said Kenji. "It's time to throw down!"

Kenji cracked his belt to test it out, and it sent a shockwave that killed Ami Mizuno (base) while she slept.

He left the house.

And that's when he saw the Shitennou outside, hiding behind a bush.

They were giggling like they had just done something sinister.

But then when they spotted Kenji, they stared at him like deers in headlights.

And then they started whistling, and whistled the Negaverse theme in sync.

"YOOOOOUUUUUU!" said Kenji. "You did this!"

"Oof!" said Jadeite.

They tried to run, and they leapt in a portal.

But Kenji swung his belt, and it sent a ripple through time and space, ending the Shitennou in one blow.

"Don't meddle with my family!" he howled. "RAAAAAA!"


Shingo was taken to the Child Protective Service HQ, and they put him in a room with several toys such as blocks.

"You're safe from the madman here," said a person. "We will soon find you a great home, and you'll never have to see Mr. Kenji again."

But that's when there was a voice shouting from outside the building.

"Shingle!" it yelled. "I'm coming for YOUOOO!"

"Oop!" said the person. "Get him out of here, go!"

Several men lifted Shingle off his feet and ran away, as the Child Protective troops tried to hold off the madman outside.

They locked the door, but Kenji swung his belt, grabbing the handle.

With one swift yank, the door was no more.

Several armed men ran in and fired blows, but Kenji whipped away all the bullets with perfect precision and several quick whips.

The bullets dropped to the ground.

"NOoOooOO!" said the guys.

Kenji swung his belt, and they all died.

He continued onward with calm steps.

A steel wall dropped in front of him, but he disposed of it.

That's when he spotted Shingle and the three people running with him.

He picked up his speed to a sprint, but then 20 men jumped in the way like a wall.

"We won't let you hurt that boy!" they said.

But Kenji plowed right through all of them, and none of them survived.

Several lasers sprung out of the wall to halt his progress.

Kenji threw toast like ninja stars, wiping out the sources of the lasers.

Right as one swung out of the wall, Kenji swung his belt, grabbing it, and then swung his belt yanking it out of the wall and sending the laser flying.

The laser fired one last beam as it was no longer powered, and this beam tripped up the people running with Shingle.

They all hit the ground with a thud, and were no more.

Shingle scurried to his feet and ran away.

Kenji swung his belt, but Shingle slid around the corner and the belt hit the wall, destroying it.

Kenji retracted the belt and sighed.

"Why did I ever have kids?" he asked. "Especially Shingle. I should have got rid of him before he was old enough to speak."

Kenji turned the corner, and saw Shingle was cornered, like a rat in a cage.

Shingle backed against the wall, and then turned to Kenji and knew it was over.

"Goodbye, son," said Kenji.

Kenji swung his belt, but before it could land, Shingle took his own life.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Kenji. "That rotten kid!"

Kenji tied his belt around his neck and hung himself from the ceiling fan.

He dropped, and started heading for the deepest depths of hell where he belonged.

But Kenji wouldn't let that happen.

He swung his belt, grappling onto the golden gates, and climbed up it like a rope.

"NOO!" cried the people of heaven. "He's coming!"

Someone pulled out a knife and tried to cut the belt, but it was too mighty of a belt, and Kenji made it to the surface of heaven.

All the citizens took off running, and Kenji would have taken them if he didn't have important business to take care of.

"Hey, you beast," said the almighty. "I don't know who you think you are, but you can't be here."

"Watch it," warned Kenji.

The almighty watched it.

Kenji found his son Shingle, who had his guard down completely.

"Heaven is great!" said Shingle. "The best part is, there's no Kenji!"

"Son," said Kenji.

Shingle did a double take.

"Did I go to hell?" he wondered.

"You will now," explained Kenji.

Kenji took Shingle's life, even though he didn't even have one.

Shingle ceased to exist, and that's when Kenji restarted his own heartbeat.

He sprung to life, and untied the belt from his neck using his mind.

He reached in his shirt pocket, pulling out a piece of toast.

"You know what they say," said Kenji. "All toasters toast toast!"